msandfio

[msandfio]

So hey,

Yea it's been a while since I've been here.

But now is March, wich means

It's multiple sclerosis awareness month

So go ahead you lovely people and spread the word, or my blog so many more people know what's happening.

There is also a MRI appointment coming up for me this month to check if my brain fucked up since last year or if I'm fine.

I don't like being in that mri tube. They need to drug me up to get me in there. Also I'm scared if there is something new in my brain.

Also this weather outside gets my body hard.

On Friday, I took the bus home from work but stopped by at the post office. After being at the post office and ready to head home, I had struggle walking. My legs felt like collapsing on me and it was a 30 min walk for me where I usually take 20 minutes. After I got home, I sat on a speaker my bf forgot to put away and chilled there for a while. My bf made the best decision this evening on ordering food. I was so done.. And stupid me got the idea to walk to the post office again next Day. The walk to go there and even longer home bc I went grocery shopping.

Why was I stupid enough to be like "I failed walking half the way yesterday. Let's double it today" but it worked. So thats something...

Oh and also, I tried cannabis oil. 5% and 5 drops every evening. It helps wonders. Haven't felt this good in a while.

So I guess you'll hear from me after my mri appointment. Cya there ~

[msandfio]

So. This is basically what I have to take for one week. To be fair, it's not always easy to swallow those pills. But hey, at least my Tecfidera is blue. So it's still a bit colour in my medic pack

[msandfio]

Just quick info~

Papa Roach is my favourite band. They released this song early 2017. Same year when i started with my ms.

I watched the video, I read the lyrics and started to cry.

Later on, I had a new tattoo idea

Fuck MS. I am still someone and I am able to do awesome things. I can do whatever I want.

This shit won't take me down. I started my fight against it.

"we're not nameless, we're not faceless. We were born for greatness" is now on my arm and I am proud of it

[msandfio]

Bothering

Now, it took me 2 days to get all the information on here and I'm actually proud of myself that I made it. Woho!

But as I am now sitting on the couch, minding my own business and my brain wandering and processing on what just happend, i remembered something my mum told me the last time I visited her

My mum is a nice lady, just to say that first. She went with me to close to every appointment I had and was there when I got my diagnosis and she even informed herself on MS and got a booklet wich is called "my kid got ms" and she read that. Whenever my mum wasn't able to drive or it sounded like a lot waiting will happen, she brought her best friend with her to keep her company. It's not easy for both of us. After every appointment I got a caramel latte ~

But as I said in the post below, I have a lot going on with me. And ms doesn't go away for a day. No. It's there, constantly. If not in the morning, I'll be there by lunch. Every day I go like "oh hi Ms, nice to feel you again"

You can't see MS. I can stand there, smiling, while I know that my nerves are under attack right now.

So as I was sitting next to my mum on her couch (I moved out of my parents place about 6 years ago) I said to mum, that the last week was horrible. I had bad days. Considering I would love to stay in bed.

My mum just answered "yes hun. But don't worry. Everyone has such a day someday"

No. They not. My "I didn't had the energy" is completely different from your "I didn't had the energy".

I hate hearing those sentences. Those "but you don't look sick" kinda sentences. Or "don't be like that. Keep your act together" thanks! I'll try to keep my myelin where it belongs. I'll tell my cells to not self distroy themselves.

I wonder if those kind of people are the same that say "just breathe" to a person with asthma. Or "stop being sad" when you got depression

And it's not the first time my mum said that. And I was shocked and disappointed in her because I thought she would be there for me and since she knew a lot, could understand it. Man was I wrong

I guess the only person understanding me, is myself~

I do found some people I can contact tho. The boss of the pharmacy I go to also has Ms so we smalltalk every now and then. Couldn't find a better pharmacy :)

I just wanted to let that out of my mind. Thank you

[msandfio]

[msandfio]

This is my MS

So now to what MS did to me, besides being blind on one eye and strange feeling in my leg

so my eye got better, yes. but like i said, i still have problems with LED lights and sometimes blurrs

Walking

i sometimes walk funny. Normal people would go straight. nope. not me. i’m close friends with door frames, cupboards, tables and chair. i sometimes walk, like i am drunk~ my friends do know about my sudden sidesteps and they don’t mind when i bump into them

And i sometimes walk slow.. especially after a long day of work. i then feel like even a turtle is quicker than me. it’s also really strength consuming

“a person with ms walks into the bar..and the chair..and the table..” 

fatigue

yea, besides normal “i am tired”-ness. i sometimes just run out of power. you feel like you ran a marathon, but actually didn’t. it’s hard moving forwards or uphill. you just want to have a sit and a nice cup of tea. I even got a bar stool in my kitchen so i can continue cooking because i can’t that long. Or i took a shower and need to sit for a while because i have to take a rest.  it’s annoying sometimes.

Tingle feelings

hah, yes. my tingles. you know the feeling of your limbs getting numb bc it fell “asleep”? yea that. not as bad as this tho. i mostly get it i the morning when i walk 15 minutes to the bus or did excersise. it starts in my feet and crawls up to my hip. sometimes my arms want to join the tingles

Dizziness & Vertigo

oh i hate when that happens. i first experienced it while i was at school. i sat on my chair and head on the table. You know the feeling you get when someone spun you on a carousel and your body decided to still spin when you got off? yea that. my body feels like it wants to spin into the left direction but you’re not spinning.. i was sitting on my chair and my head went like “eeyyy left turns!” and i sometimes get dizzy from it. it’s also super annoying when i try to sleep and your head does that. i can usually walk it of. just stand up, go around the room or hallway and everythings fine~

spastics

or how i like to call it: Droppy hands

i now do feel it comming, sometimes. Just randomly walking or doing stuff and your hands go “NOPE!” and just drop what they have in them. Bye Phone. Bye Mugs.. i have better days and i have days where i wake up and think “alright. we wont touch stuff today”. Last time something broke bc of my Droppy hands was in the grocery store.. i tried to look at the eggs if some are cracked... after i dropped them, they all had cracks... i apologized to the employee and he said it’s fine.. at least i said i broke it, right?

cognitive difficultis

yea i sometimes feel like a goldfish.. i tend to forget some stuff. not on purpose tho. and it’s not that often, but it happend enought times on where i now learned to have sticky notes and pens in nearly every room. 

speaking difficultis

so i learned that my sudden “stutter” or sorting letters new in a word.. or forget the complete word is a thing. some sentences turn out to sound funny. i don’t have an example right now. i forgot :D

Balance

now thats my biggest issue. i have like no upper body strengh. if i stand there, and you push me, i’ll mostly tumble a lot or fall down. or for a better example

my Bf is mostly the driver of our car. i do drive too, i’m just lazy~ i feel i need like 3 seat belts and a pole i can hold on to. he’s one of those “i’m a racer” driver. so every curve he takes, my face smacks against the window, or otherside. i can’t hold myself anymore. same with bus and train. like in my teenage years. i can’t hold myself. onces out of balance, i tumble. 

i indeed learned some tricks to keep my balance in a car. just don’t mind me when i sit down with legs crossed.~ 

i also noticed that my legs try to convert the loss of balance in my upper body. so that if i walk, i at least have some strengh to not fall. but if you take away my legs, i’m screwed

like that

[msandfio]

Fighting depression with fun

So yea. Now that every information is on this Platform (help i never wrote that much before :D) i want to adress something important

after i was diagnosed with MS, i fell into a really dark hole. the fact that i already have depression wasn’t really helpfull.

also i now know why you have to take blood test with tecfidera every now and then. someone died 2014 bc of lack from lymphocytes... horray?

I still have many thoughts.. 

What if my medication stops working?

what if i have to stop taking it?

will my bf stand by my side through all of this? even if i do end up in a wheelchair?

how am i suppose to work now? i can’t work till i reach pension. of that i’m sure!

how will my future be? will i end up in bed, in pain, not being able to move?

Shit, another medicatio that got taken from the market because people died! 

Answers:

if it stops working, i still have, for example, Zinbryta i could try. it now works for 2 years. 

if i have to stop taking it bc of my blood results, we do a break of it and then restart it. no problem. 

me and my boyfriend are now together for 6 years. he promised to help me and be there when i get another push. he wont leave me

i now have 3 insurances that’ll help me out with that, when that happens! i don’t need to worry about it.

i dont know how my future will be. maybe in the future they develope some more medications with less side effects to help us out. i was diagnosed in an early stage.

shit happens, i guess. since no medication is especially for Ms,they do have a lack of information about it. but they’re at it to keep us safe.

I personally am scared of the future. even tho i know these answers, i am still scared of the unknown.

Fun Fact about Tecfidera

The ingredients in it, was originally used to prevent couches from molding when they got stored somewhere..

i guess i don’t mold then

Fun

But i tried to see the positive in all the things that are happening.

it could be worse, i got diagnosed early, so i do have a chance on continuing my life as it is now, without getting worse.

also. since i said having ms is like a broken ethernet cable:

My nerves aren’t on high speed anymore ;D or

don’t get me on my nerves, they have enough problems

Friends

even tho i was down and didn’t want to leave my bed, i did. 

I went to school and finished my trainee. i now work close to my home town!

but i also continued to go to school bc i had my friends there.

i would like to thank Laura, Anna, Merlin, Max, Imke and Katja, who where there for me. who understood what was wrong with me.

Merlin who kept an eye on my medication and made sure i took them!

Laura who still has an open ear for me, who i know i can call at midnight if something is up

all those people kept me sane. 

also, i found a nice Discord community from a youtuber/ streamer

lovely people. 

so thanks Kimi, Mal, Turvey und Moe ♥ and all the others there

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

[msandfio]

Side effects are funny sometimes

14.07.2017 Final day in MS Dayclinic

it’s been a while from being blind to start my therapy.

days i’ve been in the dayclinic

12.04.-14.04 2017 (cortison infusion)

28.04.2017, 22.05.2017, 27.06.2017, 29.06.2017, 06.07.2017, 14.07.2017

Now to the reveal of my medication! 

Tada!

look on how cute they look inside!

Now to add more information on Tecfidera

the Dimethyl fumarate that are in those pills, attack white blood cells. means i’ll be getting sick more often. also the B-cells that are also under attack, are those cells that are attacking my nerves. 

i had to take another MRI after half a year of taking those (19.01.2018) to see if the medication works and if i have new lesions or herds. gladly the medication works. i have to take an MRI once a year. last one was 06.03.2019 and still nothing new. So tecfidera works!

i started with first week on lower dosis (120 mg) and than full dosis (240 mg). As you can see from the picture above with the lovely sun and moon, i have to take 2 a day.

I also need to take Blood test every 8 weeks now. when i started, it was every 4 weeks. It’s important to have a lookout for Liver, leukocytes and lymphozytes. 

i must stop taking them when my lymphozytes are <500/ul amd leukocytes are  < 3000/ul

thats how the results looks like

~Some Tipps from me~

to avoid flushing as side effect

the best thing is to eat greasy. it also helps when you eat a yoghurt or such.

also if you know you’re about to get flushing, take aspirin a few moments before. No one knows why this works. but hey~

if the flushin keeps coming and wont stop, you need to talk to your neurology doc and maybe start the treatment again

also, No yoghurt like Aktivia or Actimel that “activates your imune system” 

Avoid everything that trys to do something with your imune system!

your imune system is busy with itself and taking those on regular basis would cause another push.

homeopathy is another thing. you can use it, but again, nothing that bothers your imune system like meditonsin.

I had to say goodbye to my favourite Twinings tea..

Echinacea is a big no no! DO NOT!!! take echinacea

i take tecfidera for a while now and i still get flushing. But i now know why it gets triggered. so another tip: take it on the same time everyday. i usually take them at work around 9am. if i’m late, like today ( around 1pm) i get flushing.

and it looks like this

it’s really no fun. I can feel it comming in my throat. then over my ears, my whole face and then down to my upper arms and chest.

my Face turns hot. i once measured it. my body was about 34°C and my face was 38°C. it burns. not like sun burn, it feels more deeper in the skin. And i really feel uncomforatble then.

But hey, if we take a look at all the other medications, getting red and some pain is better than PML. as long as Tecfidera works for me, i’ll take it~ it only last about maximum an hour. Yea.. Side effects are funny sometimes.

[msandfio]

The Medications

let’s start it.

I will now present said Medications that i collected informations. As you can see from the picture of my last post, some are crossed out. For reasons like depression etc. I didn’t looked them up

the use/harm is a study of how many people said, that the medication actually helped (:D) ,got worse (:() or did nothing (:|). it was compared with other medications or Placebo

If you have MS and consider on taking medication, you are free to read my information but please do a research on your own for my own needings! This is my collection of Information, it’s not 100% complete tho! the Use/Harm could be different now too.~

Basic Therapy

Aubagio and Tecfidera are pills, just to add

Escalation Therapy

Let me start with Lemtrada (Alemtuzumab)

13 :( 7 :D 80 :|

i don’t have Pros and Cons on that because there is a reason for it. 

Lemtrada is basically a total Reboot for your imune system. It’s a stem cell therapy. So everything in you gets whiped out. all the vaccinations you got are then gone. you’re open for all infections to come then. you have to stay in a really clean hospital room until your own imune system is fixed. when i remember correctly, you will stay in that room for about 3 months? it’s like your a new born baby. and even those babys got more imunity than you. And you probably get hashimoto- thyroiditis. 

Lemtrada is an Infusion

It’s like an emergency Therapy when nothing else works!

Tysabri is an infusion i would get every half a year, Zinbryta is an injection i get once a month

so before i could decide on what to take or what not, they took blood samples if i got the JC Virus- antibody. that JC Virus is important for PML. My result came back positive so i do, indeed risk on getting PML if i would start Tysabri as my therapy.

PML is hard to cure and there isn’t really a chance on seing it happening early. you can see it on MRI when it’s already to late. And you have to do dialysis in hope for it to get better. so i noped away from Tysabri.

now you wonder “but Fio, you said there was another basic therapy medication.”

yes and now let me tell you why i didn’t put that up there.

Copaxone (Glatiramerazetat) is an injection

at first, it’s a lovely therapy. with nearly no cons. The composition is similar to the insulating layer of the nerve fibers and those bad T-cells mostly attack those instead my own nerves. the only cons are skin reactions, circulation problems, no MRI to controll it and the only bad thing happening is swelling of the lymph nodes.

Now where is is the catch of it? sounds lovely, isn’t it?

it does sound good. beside the fact that it’s an daily injection. i could manage that, somehow. maybe my boyfriend would be willing to poke me.

the main reason why i dont use Copaxone is that the doc and nurse told me it would be useless for me to take that. My MS is too strong for it. it won’t work. If i would take it, it would do nothing so i just let it be. 

Copaxone is more to protect against MS

After doing research, and asking questions i finally made up my mind and my nurse and doc agreed to my decision

[msandfio]

My Therapy

After i found out i have Ms, i got a MS-nurse what i already told about. 

She asked me if i want to start a Therapy or leave it be. 

technically she said i could leave it be, but it probably would end badly for me.

another Push could happen, i could lose my ability to walk etc etc~ Wheelchair clichee basically. They all recomendet me to do a therapy bc i had a lot going on in my brain. My doctor actually was pretty suprised when she saw my MRI pictures. She said, i actually should feel much more worse than i was. I was in luck, i guess. 

So i said, i want to start a therapy. i said it the exact day i got diagnosed.

My nurse and i started DECIMS

DECIMS means Decision coaching in MS. 

what does that mean? well, it means a lot of good stuff for me.

You usually go to a doctor when somethings wrong with you. Like say, you got a bladder infection, or sinusitis. The doctor will check it and give you antibiotics and sends you home. you don’t decide on what kind of antibiotics you get, do you? you just take it and leave.

DECIMS is basically, that i decide on what i want to take. Sure, i could have gone like “nah you can do it for me” but starting a Therapy for MS is a lot more complicated than just giving you antibiotics. There is a lot of stuff that could go wrong with it. 

To start off: not a single medication is especially for MS. they all came from other deseases that they found usefull to use on MS. And they all come with worse Side effects.

there isn’t really anyhing that could go wrong with antibiotics. if you’re alergic to it, you stop taking it and maybe just have an itch or so.

if you start a wrong therapy on MS, it could end in meningitis.

see how difficult that is?

I got a nice booklet from DECIMS that’ll guide me throught the whole process.

My nurse and my doctor recommendet me the basic therapy and escalation therapy but bc i have a heart rhythm disorder and depression, a lot medication were written off that list. 

Let’s see on whats left

Basic Therapy:

Aubagio

Tecfidera

and my Nurse told me to read about Copaxone

Escalation Therapy:

Lemtrada

Tysabri

Zinbryta

Now we have this: (its in german)

now what?

i got login information to logg into DECIMS-Wiki and there is literally everything in it. Every single information you need to know about every medication. 

The Risk, The use/harm statistic, and Pros and Contras.

Let me tell you, i read everything about every medication.

Let me share my information~

[msandfio]

The connection

So now that you all are as smart as i am now, lets discuss my test resulsts from the MRI

to start off, they found some weak/strong T1- lesions. And some patchy looking T2- Lesions

The contrastfluid shows 4 enriching lesions

in my spine is a right dorsolaterale T2- Lesion in myelon

so for short: numbers of T2w- lesions: >20

infratentoriel lesion: yes (below the tentorium)

juxtakortiokale lesion: yes

(not my brain)

spinal lesion: yes (you know what a spine is~)

numbers of contrastfluid herds: 4 (would you now take a look at my other MRI picture of my spine? so there you see that the blood-brain barrier was suppose to be closed. but since i have 4 active herds, the barrier shows that i have inflammatory activity going on)

McDonald criteria met: yes

What is McDonald criteria?

it’s not the fast food brand..

you can’t just put someone in MRI and be like “oh yea. those are lesions. that’s MS” 

and you can’t be like “youre blind? MS” or take a look at that spine liquid

McDonald criteria is basicaly everything from above.

to be sure about MS, you need at least have 2 pushes (my leg and my eye) and at least two herds in the CNS are objectively detected

So horray. i got the Jackpot. There is no need of another test or anything. My results are final and i now have to suffer with something in me, that wants to destroy me

What am i suppose to do now?

well, i hade a nice talk with my MS-nurse about everything. 

[msandfio]

What is MS?

Multiple Sclerosis

Multiple Sclerosis is a demyelinating disease in wich the insulating covers of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord are damaged.

demyelinatig disease means that the myelin sheath of neurons is damaged.

so this damage disrupts the ability of parts of the nervous system to communicate.

It’s basically like a ethernet cable that got a dammaged coating so the sensible cable strings inside are open to the outworld. And if they get dammaged, you wont get any internet. 

Same with my body. if something is damaged, it won’t be able to communicate.

This results in a range of symptoms, including physical, mental and sometimes psychiatric problems. Specific symptoms can include double vision, blindness in one eye  muscle weakness, trouble with sensation, or coordination. 

Sounding familiar hm?

MS takes several forms, with new symptoms either occurring in isolated attacks (relapsing forms) or building up over time (progressive forms). Between attacks, symptoms may disappear completely; however, permanent neurological problems often remain, especially with the advancement of the disease.

(Thanks wikipedia for some smart words there)

but i guess the ethernet cable makes it easier to understand

i found a cute nerve cell to help explain it a bit

But wait, there is more!

the cause of multiple sclerosis is unclear. they do have some thoughts on how it could happen. but nothing is 100% sure about it. they think it might be destruction by the immune system or failure of the myelin-producing cells caused by genetics and environmental factors such as being triggered by a viral infection.

so basically my own imune system is attacking myself. 

there is no known cure for this disease. But there are indeed medications out there to kinda put a stop to it. 

But the treatments all have side effects. to every good comes a bad side. More to that later

The three main characteristics of MS are the formation of lesions in the central nervous system (also called plaques), inflammation, and the destruction of myelin sheaths of neurons. These features interact in a complex and not yet fully understood manner to produce the breakdown of nerve tissue and in turn the signs and symptoms of the disease.Cholesterol crystals are believed to both impair myelin repair and aggravate inflammation. MS is believed to be an immune-mediated disorder that develops from an interaction of the individual's genetics and as yet unidentified environmental causes. Damage is believed to be caused, at least in part, by attack on the nervous system by a person's own immune system.

Lesions

Demyelination in MS. On Klüver-Barrera myelin staining, decoloration in the area of the lesion can be appreciated The name multiple sclerosis refers to the scars (sclerae – better known as plaques or lesions) that form in the nervous system. These lesions most commonly affect the white matter in the optic nerve, brain stem, basal ganglia, and spinal cord, or white matter tracts close to the lateral ventricles. The function of white matter cells is to carry signals between grey matter areas, where the processing is done, and the rest of the body. The peripheral nervous system is rarely involved.

Inflammation Apart from demyelination, the other sign of the disease is inflammation. Fitting with an immunological explanation, the inflammatory process is caused by T cells, a kind of lymphocyte that plays an important role in the body's defenses. T cells gain entry into the brain via disruptions in the blood–brain barrier. The T cells recognize myelin as foreign and attack it, explaining why these cells are also called "autoreactive lymphocytes".

The attack of myelin starts inflammatory processes, which triggers other immune cells and the release of soluble factors like cytokines and antibodies. A further breakdown of the blood-brain barrier, in turn, causes a number of other damaging effects such as swelling, activation of macrophages, and more activation of cytokines and other destructive proteins. Inflammation can potentially reduce transmission of information between neurons in at least three ways. The soluble factors released might stop neurotransmission by intact neurons. These factors could lead to or enhance the loss of myelin, or they may cause the axon to break down completely.

Blood–brain barrier The blood–brain barrier (BBB) is a part of the capillary system that prevents the entry of T cells into the central nervous system. It may become permeable to these types of cells secondary to an infection by a virus or bacteria. After it repairs itself, typically once the infection has cleared, T cells may remain trapped inside the brain.Gadolinium cannot cross a normal BBB and, therefore, gadolinium-enhanced MRI is used to show BBB breakdowns.

[msandfio]

Final Diagnosis

Now you’re still as smart as i was back then. no, you’re even a bit smarter bc i already explained a bit of those MRI pictures.

29.06.2017 the day i noted in my calender

now. what to do wih that information? i got my Appointment with the Doc who said that i should take a seat. 

She told me that i was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. me knowing just right enough about ms that i know that this is bad. real bad. i am now sick for my livetime. forever. i started to cry. not knowing why exactly. but i cried. She said she would like for me to get in contact with a Ms-Nurse. without thinking, i said yes.

So what now? i waited for my appointment with the nurse. She told me everything about MS. So will i now so sit back

[msandfio]

MRI and me

My Vision came back at 100% now! am i glad that my vision got back? yes. 

I already said that i bailed the first MRI back in that uncomfortable Hospital.

guess what they did to me.

Yes. MRI

27.06.2017

this time, without bail! they put me under drugs. I had to take someone with me tho. they won’t allow me to leave without someone looking after me. Thanks best friend of mum!

now it’s going to be interesting. 

if you don’t want to see MRI pictures, don’t scroll down

they found a sinusitis frontalis and maxilarris! and you clearly see those on MRI xD

This is the Part where the MRI Pictures will be, Cya for everyone who can’t stand those! <3

To start of with:

my sinusitis

you can clearly see how my left nose sinuses is clocked xD

that was a torture to lay there. not allowed to cough or move

And yes. My profil picture is my own brain. 

see those white spots in the middle? yea, that doesnt belong there

they gave me a constrast fluid and found a thing that my brain wasn’t suppose to do

Explanation on my next post!

[msandfio]

Eye test Bunny

So, my vision is not 100% back to normal. but the infusion is working.

Let’s go to some more testings!

since i’m still unsure on whats wrong with me, they put me to some more tests.

i got poked on my head with needles! what fun! ... It’s the 28.04.2017

A nice Lady made a  Visuell evozierte Potentiale and a somatosensibel evozierte Potentiale

How a SEP works:

i was laying there, comfy as possible, 

then the lady poked me with needles in my head along where my nerves go. 

also i got some on my collarbone. 

all my nerves are now connected to a mashine. the lady then startet the mashine. that thing then triggered some nerv ends on my hand and feet and also sorted the data it received. 

they found out that my right arm has some issues with sending signals from hand to brain (i already kinda knew that bc i have a tense shoulder xD)

How a VEP works:

rember my needles in my head? yea still got them. but now pinned to my vision nerve.

so i sat there, staring at a monitor. monitor doing that

first left eye, then right eye. try to concentrate on a dot you cant see bc i’m still kinda blind and dont move your eyes. that was exhausting. 

The results? Opticus conduction disorder (basically, i can’t see. yay)

Fun Fact: i freshly died my Hair back then.. and since the needles got under my skin etc, the lady hat do desinfect my head too... let’s say, we where both glad there was a paper towel between my head and the lounger i was laying on. it got colourful 

[msandfio]

I’m a research Bunny

15.04.2017

I signed the papers that they’re allowed to take my blood... and Spine liquid

it’s not a big deal for me, that they took my blood. since i was punctured my needles so many times that i thought one more won’t hurt. I was right. i was alright... 

but the Lumbar puncture is another thing

they took my liquid on the 12.04.2017- 09:17 AM

i tried to find a not so horrible looking picture.

A lumbar puncture is basically where they insert a needle, through your spine to reach your “nerve water”

one nurse took the spinal fluid and another had to press me down so i wont move. one wrong poke, and i would have been paralyzed.. i had to sign papers for that.

it didnt hurt. it was just a whole lot of cringe. like nails against a black board.. i felt the needle and heard it inside me poking through the spine.

was i this stupid to do such things for research? apparently, yes. 

If you’re corious about the liquid results

No idea of whats up with all of that? neither did i back then. if you have a question, feel free to contact me :D

[msandfio]

Ms Day clinic

first of all, look at the complete hospital happening!

told you, it’s a whole city!

Let’s continue

it’s the 12.04.2017. I’m still blind on my right eye. 

I talked to a lovely Doctor and was then set on cortisone infusion.

like i said in my last post, i had an intership in a kindergarten. and because of that, i went there after infusion. tired as shit but working it~

this goes on till the 14th. so 3 day infusion. 

(the people i used to work with where horrible. they said if i would be sick so often and late, i might be in the wrong job. yea sorry for that, that wasn’t planed at all)

after my infusions, my vision got sloooowly better and better. yay! 

so about 03.04.2017 till way over 12.04.2017 i was blind on one eye. i felt dizzy often bc my left eye tried to focus what my right couldn’t. i even had an eye patch like a pirate.

i felt stressed and relieved.

it might not sound like it, but all that what happend in all these nearly 10 days, and what they told me in the kindergarten really got me psychical stressed and mad. 

so my vision being back to normal, you might think, that’s it

no, no it wasn’t

i was “smart”. i heard they do research on multiple sclerosis and i went like “sure! since i dont have that. let’s sign in for research!” 

my knowledge about ms: it’s a desease you can’t heal and it’s damaging your nervous system.

what could go wrong?