msc137

[msc137]

Morty Smith age regressor !! 💛🐾

[msc137]

It was great to see ya again, kiddo. I hope my cooking didn't make you too sick! I'll try to be online more often if I can. Sorry for taking Chauncey away from ya. Hope you know you can visit whenever ya want.

@streetcatrick

it was great to see you again too! and hey, your cooking was great, bo. i wish id had room for more of it!

oh! and, dont even think about being sorry for that! chaunce is great, and im definitely gonna miss having him around, but he deserves a chance to have his own space and stuff.

thank you for the invitation! ill try to come by now and then and visit you guys. and hey, i might steal him back sometimes too, hehe!

[msc137]

Log Day ???

Well, this idea has flown out the window. I don’t know when I stopped updating this log, or what day I would be on. I should really date these properly, but it gets confusing with different dimensions following different dates. Perhaps I should stop logging the date altogether, although I would like an indication of the passage of time between entries.

In any case, things with Skittle went excellently. When Skittle left because of the heist thing, it was a bit awkward, but I managed.

In the time between now and my last entry, Skittle also informed Mortimer of my existence (alive), and we made contact. He expressed a desire to forgive me and to get to be on speaking terms with me. The logistics took a while to sort out, but we finally did meet in person.

This afternoon, Skittle, Mortimer, Dawn, and I sat down and had dinner at the house of a Rick named Bo, and his son, Killian. Mortimer looked rough, as expected. Some of the kindness had left his eyes, and the gentleness that used to be so easy for him seemed to take some effort. But he was gentle all the same. It was so sweet to see how he’d connected with Killian. Apparently the two of them shared an original Rick and consider each other brothers.

I’m glad he has a brother who won’t stab a knife in his back. I… I’m not jealous. I don’t… wish I could still cling on to him like that, if I wanted to. As much as Skittle tries to downplay what I did, I still chose my own life over theirs. I don’t deserve to consider him a brother. There’s no one left I can. It’s alright. Clones were never meant to have families in the first place.

Um, too much happened during the dinner to write it all here. Bo is a great cook, and it’s so nice to not have to hide, to see him and Dawn again. Mortimer and Dawn, I mean. Although meeting Bo was nice, too.

At the end of everything, Bo pulled me aside and told me that Mortimer and Dawn hoped I could stay with him, so that I could be in the same curve. I asked if he and Killian and Skittle were all alright with it, and he confirmed. He just didn’t want to pressure me in front of everyone. I accepted. It was probably time I stopped taking up space on the couch anyway. As much as Rick and Skittle insist they don’t mind, I couldn’t help but feel how temporary my space felt. And how little I could offer them in return.

I suppose not much is changing in a way, I’m still relying on others’ generosity, but at least Bo is an adult choosing to ~~adopt~~ house a child. Staying with Skittle felt too much like burdening our friendship with her needing to provide much more to me than I could offer in return, when I feel like our friendship should be as even as possible. She seems like a wonderful peer and friend, and I don’t want to waste that seeing her as some kind of mentor or authority. 

Bo, on the other hand, is a fresh person with no preconceptions of what our relationship should or can be. He is not a peer. He is a Rick. He seems kind enough, and I can get myself out of trouble if he is not. The fact that Dawn is willing to agree to this arrangement, however reluctantly, is a good indication that he has shown no signs of obvious malice.

Dawn is staying over with me for the first night. Killian and Bo have shown me around the house and been incredibly kind. Skittle and Mortimer have gone home, but I will see them again shortly. At least, I hope so. I hope I can visit Skittle’s family again as well. Jerry, Rick, Summer, and both Beths were incredibly kind to me and I hope I can get to know them even now that we do not live together.

I feel… bittersweet. It’s good that I’m so close to Mortimer again. It’s good that I’m in a more permanent situation. It’s a lot of change. Some parts of me don’t feel like I deserve forgiveness so soon. I’m feeling how I did when I first moved in with Skittle; this is all a wonderful dream that I’m going to wake up from.

I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. I had started to feel so… important at the Citadel. Even if it was meaningless, it’s hard to lose that. I had a purpose. Now I rely on others’ kindness. And I don’t know when or if I’ll be able to stand on my own.

Log summary: Mortimer and I had dinner. Morti is staying at my new place. I have a new place. Old memories are resurfacing. Old feelings are resurfacing. I’m happy I don’t have to try to hide.

End Log

[msc137]

Love love love characters that present themselves as emotionally open social butterflies but the more you see of them the more obvious it is that they’re the most closed off fuckers in the story. Sure, they want to help you with your personal problems and messy emotions, but if you turn that shit back on them, they’ll shut down or deflect every time. Why are you sticking your nose in their business anyway? It’s not like it matters. They’re not a person, they’re just a role being played. They’re the guy who fixes things and saves people. Please ignore the man behind the mask, he’s fine. Everything’s fine.

[msc137]

you are right, hehe! video games are great! i love starting a new survival world on minecraft. whats your fave game?

hiya! its always cool to see a new face around here! im a morty, but i go by the nickname skittle when im hanging out with other mortys, to help prevent confusion and stuff!

- @msc137

“ Oh, uh- hi! Yeah, it gets kind of confusing sometimes, huh? I’m newer here, but, y’know, m-maybe I should have a nickname. Or… I guess I’m fine with just Morty, too. Haha. ”

[msc137]

hey, no rush, morty! it took me months to pick a nickname, and its okay if you never have one.

what do you do for fun?

hiya! its always cool to see a new face around here! im a morty, but i go by the nickname skittle when im hanging out with other mortys, to help prevent confusion and stuff!

- @msc137

“ Oh, uh- hi! Yeah, it gets kind of confusing sometimes, huh? I’m newer here, but, y’know, m-maybe I should have a nickname. Or… I guess I’m fine with just Morty, too. Haha. ”

[msc137]

Pretending that these thoughts dont exist isnt a viable solution. That is called repression and it can only make your mental health worse than it already is

see whats funny is, this ask was sent to me a while ago. near the end of last july, i think. and i dont even remember the original context it was sent in. and ive just, had it there. in my inbox. and i just laugh every time i read it because, well, duh!

of course i know what repression is. its been my number one coping mechanism for like, my whole life. and yeah, its probably not doing me any favors long term, but seriously, what else am i supposed to do? and of course im going to therapy, but like, for fucks sake, i could probably get checked into a crazy high quality alien inpatient facility for the rest of my life and it probably wouldnt even scratch the surface.

so. yeah. repression and i are old friends. and i dont think were parting ways anytime soon. thanks though, anon. you gave me a good chuckle every day for several months straight

[msc137]

i guess it just. tires me out. to think about it all. i dont want it to be a big deal because im so fucking tired of there being big things for me to worry about. i dont want to hold onto this, but i dont want to forgive it either. i just want it to go away.

as much as i know it would be a lie, i almost kinda wish i hadnt found out at all. but. i dont know. it just. im tired, dawn

I know you likely don't want advice from me on this, but can I say that it's okay to want to forgive someone and move on from something while still acknowledging that it was a big deal and that it isn't fine?

@impending-dawn

PS. I know this isn't the real point, but if you ever need a place to stay outside of your home and Effie's place, our ship is always open.

i mean the point is that even though it was a big deal, dwelling on it isnt gonna make anything better. and avoiding him isnt gonna give me any more of a chance to talk it out with him. even if im not too sure hes even gonna want to talk it out. and if he doesnt, ill probably let it go eventually.

and, thanks. the offer is appreciated, even if im not sure ill ever need to take you up on it

[msc137]

A greenish blue portal opens up behind you and a Rick wearing a damaged pair of goggles, a black and red blazer, black pants and brown boots steps out of it. Upon closer inspection he seems to be dragging someone behind him by their tail. "Well shit, it actually worked this time." He mumbles to himself before noticing Morty. "You wouldn't happen to have some bandages and rubbing alcohol, would you?"

Morty jumps back. "Jesus christ!" He's startled, and his eyes dart to his pillow, where a gun waits underneath.

He doesn't let his eyes stay off the Rick for long, though, noting the oddly colored portal, and the person being dragged behind. Potential danger, but nothing immediate. "I've got, yeah, there's plenty of first aid stuff stashed around the house, but who the fuck are you? What are you doing here?"

[msc137]

I know you likely don't want advice from me on this, but can I say that it's okay to want to forgive someone and move on from something while still acknowledging that it was a big deal and that it isn't fine?

@impending-dawn

PS. I know this isn't the real point, but if you ever need a place to stay outside of your home and Effie's place, our ship is always open.

i mean the point is that even though it was a big deal, dwelling on it isnt gonna make anything better. and avoiding him isnt gonna give me any more of a chance to talk it out with him. even if im not too sure hes even gonna want to talk it out. and if he doesnt, ill probably let it go eventually.

and, thanks. the offer is appreciated, even if im not sure ill ever need to take you up on it

[msc137]

i went home today. ive been putting it off for a while, but. i cant stay at effies forever. im still annoyed at rick, but. its fine. its okay. not a big deal

[msc137]

its just. i spent weeks writing that script. so much planning and brainstorming and editing went into it. i was so fucking proud of it. and then it was like my passion just. died. drained away. and i had no idea why.

and then, i find out that it was rick who did it. on purpose. he set up that whole fucking heist adventure just to make me lose that spark and stay with him. he just, couldnt accept that i could have dreams outside of him. like if there was any moment in my life that wasnt dedicated to him it meant that he had lost me forever.

i understand where hes coming from. hes going to therapy. he doesnt do those huge manipulative powerplays anymore. but, fuck, when i found that heist movie script again, that was his chance to tell me. to come clean. to be honest for once. but no! he just, he couldnt do that! he couldnt risk losing me so he kept it a secret and i had to find out from summer instead!

its the same fucking bullshit mindest that made him set up the whole goddamn thing in the first place! the stupid fucking "keep morty by my side no matter what" shit that i thought he was trying to get better about! how am i supposed to trust that he isnt doing those same manipulative things today if he cant even own up to one that he did two fucking years ago??

and i get it, yknow? i get that he doesnt want to lose me. i get that he doesnt want me to think lesser of him. i get that it happened a long time ago and it doesnt matter quite as much now as it did back then.

just. it hurts. it really fucking hurts

[msc137]

just, a little update for you guys. when i got to effies place, we smoked a bit of weed, made out a little, and then took a nap together. im probably gonna try to stay high for a bit, but as far as i know shes been sober since we woke up.

im mad, and upset, but overall im doing okay. and shes got me. so nobody worry about me, alright?

[msc137]

no.

Murder time?

... Maybe.

[msc137]

yeah, well, hes not your fault. she says hi back. ill be in touch, sis

Yeah, the whole heist thing was grandpa Rick's way of making you hate heists so you wouldn't take that Netflix deal and would stay with him forever :/

@thatbish-summersmith

...oh.

[msc137]

i dont know what to say to you right now. maybe you should make a list of everything youve been keeping from me so you can just tell me all of them at once and this wont happen anymore. im tired of finding out shit like this. maybe if youre so okay with not telling me things like this for so long you care more about looking like youve changed than actually changing. ill see you later i guess

obviously, this isnt, it doesnt sound good. you dont know every shitty thing ive done, ive been alive a long time, and ive done a lot of shitty things. the important thing is that im not lying more, im not adding shit on. if we sat here all day and i told you every bad thing i did, we wouldnt have time for anything else, it shouldnt matter what happened before

@rsanchezc137

rick, you know im really grateful that youre working so hard to be better. it means a lot to me and im so proud of the progress youve made. and i know youve done a lot of shitty things, i dont need to know the details of every person youve murdered and every bender you went on.

but this clearly is something thats a big deal since youre being so weird and avoidant about it! and its clearly something about me

[msc137]

yeah, um. can you. tell mom and dad that im gonna be staying with effie for a little bit? ill keep going to school and stuff. i just. i need to not be around him for a couple days, i think.

thanks for telling me, summer. youre a good sister

Yeah, the whole heist thing was grandpa Rick's way of making you hate heists so you wouldn't take that Netflix deal and would stay with him forever :/

@thatbish-summersmith

...oh.