mstepenwolf

[mstepenwolf]

My zine I made to sell for family campaigns I love how it came out

[mstepenwolf]

actually complete bullshit that you can get so excited for something you start getting scared. what tigers are we trying to run from bro

[mstepenwolf]

Fairyland Fancies Series I by Alice Marshall listed in 1926/1927 Postcard Catalogue

[mstepenwolf]

[A white fortune cookie paper with blue text. Front: The best times of your life have not yet been lived. Lucky Numbers 41, 36, 22, 51, 39, 34 Back: August, Chinese text 八 (bā) 月 (yuè)]

[mstepenwolf]

I think I figured out the most important thing. And I don’t want to make this sound negative at all, but in the best way possible, I fricking give up. I give up.

You can’t try to make your life perfect. Just - I’m just trying to have a good time, and I’m just trying to appreciate the things that I have around me. I give up on the ‘dream’, dream. I think that - it’s all a dream. I think it’s all wonderful and terrible, and I give up, in the nicest way — Fiona Apple [x]

[mstepenwolf]

campfire by the river last weekend

[mstepenwolf]

recently my partner told me that he was researching my chronic illness and that he was shocked by how much work I need to do behind the scenes just to stay functional (he called it a full-time job that you can't clock out of, and I thought it was an amazing metaphor). I felt so seen and grateful that he took the time to understand my experiences. it also made me think about how often I'm worried about being misunderstood by people who don't see the whole picture and how much I try to overcompensate in ways some abled-bodied people wouldn't even consider. part of the solution is in accepting that this fear is legitimate in some situations (and that i don't have any control over that) and another part is giving myself the permission to set adequate bars and reevaluating what (sustainable) success will look like in my life.

[mstepenwolf]

sovietnam

[mstepenwolf]

last week at work was pretty horrible but I still pushed through despite hoping every morning that I'll get hit by a bus on my way there. this week is objectively milder but my whole body just feels like i'm being hunted whenever it's time to get up in the morning. I've been waking up almost exactly 10 minutes before leaving the house so that i don't have too much time to think about what awaits me later that day. at the same time I feel such immense guilt about feeling this way (ungratefulness?) and the quality of my work regardless of how much I push myself past my limits. I caught myself feeling extremely resentful towards people I respect and value the most there, and that feels like the final nail in the coffin.

[mstepenwolf]

The sun is out

[mstepenwolf]

i've been missing my childhood so much recently. the time before i could read an analog clock. flipping through children's books at the clinic i'm working at hit me with such a strong wave of nostalgia. the fact that there is no way back in any capacity is unfathomable.

[mstepenwolf]

snoopy of the day

[mstepenwolf]

[mstepenwolf]

Start anticipating the best.

[mstepenwolf]

the world may be a dark place sometimes but there are also 1200 year old paw prints from a happy kitty cat out there

[mstepenwolf]

Gloucestershire - December 2020
Rolleicord Vb on Lomography 800

[mstepenwolf]

There's Always This Year by Hanif Abdurraqib