mudezami

[mudezami]

Things to never do again:

Take a twilight themed photo shoot. Absolutely vile.

But actually:

You. Nobody should. And you should abstain. You don’t deserve it. You could have changed immediately. You said you wanted to be better, but two years later you did the same thing again to someone else, someone just like me. The only semblance of maturity is that you broke up before you cheated, except you weren’t even going to cheat. You were just still too upset about me not wanting anything to do with you.

If Mo cut you off when you were forcing her to interact with one of your yearly bullshit “closure” lectures would you have broken up with me?

I fucking wish she did. You deserve misery. No one else deserves having to put up with you. Even twirler girl, even if it’s “better,” I know she’s still compromising herself for you. I know it’s too much but bearable now. I know if it “works out” it’s a lifetime of stress for both of you. I don’t wish that upon her. Please fuck it up again and stay away from women.

Give men a try first to feel what actual sexual and romantic love feels like. You’ve tried before but you gave up too easily. You’re too scared of actual feelings and vulnerability but I don’t think you understand that’s what you’re supposed to feel when you’re actually with someone you like? I think you were SO CLOSE to figuring it out but you restarted the cycle instead. Why are you so scared? You love women and aren’t afraid to take their vulnerability for your pleasure. Why can’t you dare to make it equal? Your roommate was right there. It didn’t have to be him but I feel like that should’ve been a clear sign to revisit those feelings.

Instead you hurt people.

I want you to hurt because you’re hurting people.

You’re hurting people.

Do you like to hurt people?

[mudezami]

Things to never do again:

Feel bad about a grown man whining about sex. That should have been a more serious conversation. That should have been a “I have feelings for you. They are not gone. But I cannot be with someone who is going to cry about this.” It was just an early sign that we were not compatible. You should have broke up with me over it or I should have broke up with you over it, because it was a relationship neither of us wanted.

But instead it was guilt guilt guilt.

Your feelings about my boundaries shouldn’t have been my problem to deal with.

[mudezami]

Things to never do again:

Compromise my boundaries. I am anxious and full of fear when it comes to my body. I am keenly aware we are one bad day away, at any time, from the threat of losing bodily autonomy. I do not fully identify with being female. I don’t ever want to live with knowing a human can grow inside of me. I don’t ever want disease passed to me.

I did my research and I preached. But my concerns over health were not equal to your concerns of sexiness and pleasure. The correct use of condoms was a constant battle that you knew you were sabotaging under the guise of “trying.” Instead I found out with others you would constantly “forget” and actually were trying to play out a very dangerous kink. Everyone has kinks, like. Bro I get it. But certain ones can ONLY be enacted with the utmost safety and familiarity involved. A closed and/or secure relationship with constant std testing and consistent birth control? Consent to no condom and finishing inside? Breeding kink go off, king. “Forgetting” a condom every single time in a 2-6 month relationship? Akin to sexual assault and a step away from rape.

I’m glad I didn’t become her, but shame on you for doing that to her. How dare you.

[mudezami]

Things to never do again:

Never compromise a relationship for the sake of staying together. Love is strong but it is dangerous; I started the relationship mono-amorous and that was my expectation. As soon as you mentioned polyamory, I should have ended it, even if it hurt me because I “loved” you. Not willing to try something for myself shouldn’t come with the fear of being seen as closed minded. Now that I’m seeing the same effect you had on others doing the same thing you did to me, you need to stay the fuck away from romantic, mono-amorous relationships. How many more people, people that you claim to love, people who claimed are the only ones you truly loved, are you going to fuck up for the sake of lust? What do you actually want? What do you actually care about? “Love is the greatest form of sacrifice.” Say it, said it, but didn’t mean it after all. You are false hope.

Fuck you and your version of love.

[mudezami]

How many times do I have to go over the stages of grief over the same thing? Over and over and over and over

[mudezami]

[mudezami]

Gee wiz! I am still sad!!!! I am so so sad

[mudezami]

[mudezami]

My new mantra of ill will I chant in my head when I want someone to be like, cursed or whatever, is “eat shit and die”

[mudezami]

I remember trying to explain to my parents and my neighbor why calling it the China virus is bad and they just straight up didn’t think that trying to stop stupid people from doing stupid things was any reason why we shouldn’t call it that. The thing itself might not be racist (even though I think it is) but it certainly does help fuel racism. That’s enough to not do it, huh?

[mudezami]

I don’t want to love anyone else and that’s what hurts the most. I want to love the you that chooses me, but since that you doesn’t exist, then I simply can’t love.

[mudezami]

they should invent water for men

[mudezami]

Single but not ready to mingle. If you think you like me, no you don’t.

[mudezami]

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Trust is a must in a relationship. I’m sure you don’t want a stranger to reach out to you in this time of confusion. I just wanted to say that you deserve to be treated better.

Thank you, I’m starting to think I definitely deserve better

[mudezami]

Theydies and Gentlethems,

If you and your boy close your relationship and he secretly keeps sleeping with this other girl he admitted to having a crush on without telling you,,

What would you do?

[mudezami]

Wants to me marry me. What a fucking liar.

[mudezami]

I woke up today from a dream about my boyfriend leaving me and marrying one of his exes. I told him about it. I told him I was still mad about the dream as a joke. I told him so... don’t do that lol.