mulleinpearl

[mulleinpearl]

to have Faith is to Wait

It's been a semester since I've waited for my scholarship grant to be approved, to be furnished and to be released. My mom from time to time kept on asking me a lot of when's because those whom we borrowed money for my tuition fee and for my other miscellaneous are already asking her of also a When...of when I could pay those debts.

I can't answer them, but my mom assured them always that it is near already. I don't know if it is me whom she gives courage or it is them whom she gives hope. But as for me, only God knows the answer.

Every night I am praying...praying that every tomorrow won't be the same as my yesterdays...every today is just a trial for tomorrow...and every yesterday is just a test of faith.

That's why I admire the story of Job. A lot of his valued properties including his family went all gone. Friends whom he hoped of encouraging him even belittled his faith and God of course. Who among us now could surpass the trial he has gone through where in his eyes he saw the death of his loved ones? Maybe it would cost also our death.

Yesterday, as I enter the ATM card to check the balance and to see if my allowance was already released, I was about to cry when I saw that only the maintaining balance was flashed in the screen. I wept, I prayed hard that night before I came to that place. I encouraged myself and thought of possibilities. I want to walk for a while but the busy streets add up the tremor I'm feeling that moment. So I've decided to go home, the news even stirred my heart. And I thought that I was so selfish asking God to give me what I need when in the other side of our country is a big earthquake. Before the day ends, reports said that almost a hundred was killed and most of the historical sites and big established were demolished by the 7.2 Magnitude earthquake. It's so devastating that I'm ashamed to face God. and asked a lot of what if's. What if in the worst scenario that the earthquake happened in our area? What if I'm there trying to check the balance of my ATM card when the earth swallowed me down?  What if those people hurt are my families? What if...what if...what if it was the judgment day? Will I survive? Will I be saved? Will God accept me in His throne?

That night I uttered a deep cry...My tears didn't stop until I ended my prayer. I prayed for everyone as I keep on asking God for forgiveness. I know maybe God has the best plan for me and my scholarship grant. Maybe He's just teaching me lessons from being a hard-headed child of His setting my priorities top of Him. I'm really sorry for the little faith. That night, I thought that I'm still blessed that I still have noodles to eat, a good place to rest and an internet connection to release my boredom. 

Now, I'm ready to face another battle. I already claimed that as I go out later and check my ATM card's balance, the long wait would be over. From that, I could pay my debts, give my little sister the birthday present she wants and most specially, give my tithes to God and give a share for those who are now in need. I may not be rich but through God I believe blessings won't be empty.

Each day would be a victory as long as our hearts claim that God never fails us nor leaves us.

To those who can read this, I also ask for your time to spend it wisely and utter a prayer for the victims of the big earthquake happened in Philippines basically in the Visayas region.

Also pray for my prayers to be granted already.

Keep on smiling, ahead of you are blessings!! :D

[mulleinpearl]

Questions

My nephew keeps on asking me a lot of Why's whenever I go home for a vacation. He will ask why a certain thing has a color of this, why this thing has only this and have much of that, why it sounds like this and looks like that--questions that I probably know the answer but I fear of having a mistake when he finds that everything I said is correct.

In the Scripture, a very famous verse in Proverbs says that we should " train a child in the way they should go that when they are old, they will not return from it". It means that in each man, we are being thought of important things in our youth, things that would empower us in the time we are grown enough to use these things in the best way we need it in facing circumstances. Knowledge once nurtured and once applied is wisdom. This would be a truth that would take man's reality. It costs the upbringing of a man, the future of every man.

That's why we should always be taking care of how we educate the youth because in every way, they see that in every word of an adult is a gold that could never be broken and words that are always right. What if we told them that the heart really looks like how it is drawn by many, it would lead them to a misconception that they would bring in the future. What to do instead is to show them a real picture of the human heart in encyclopedia or in the Internet. That's more wise to do, it needs a little effort.

But to us who believed in the teachings of Christ, our wisdom is not just founded through the Scriptures, it must also be led by how we use these Scriptures and how we share it to others. Christians should not only stay from the point where we've started and act like an ignorant believer or a young believer with less faith and less knowledge of God. We, Christians, should not only remain as a young that is always fed by his Father. We should also take the best action to pass this wisdom to others.

Also, young people who are now a firm servant of Christ must choose well of what they ingest. Meaning, not all things that we hear from the church is right. Not all things that others say is right. There's only one thing that remains to be right and perfect, it is God. So, in order to have a right way in life, always listen to Him. "Meditate on Him, day and night..."

Grow and share His light! :D

[mulleinpearl]

I wish I was still like a child

Playing in the garden like a butterfly

No worries when hurt

Even when stain brushed the shirt

I wish I was still like a child

All day wearing a smile

Cheerfully cheering people

No clue of sadness at all

I wish I was still like a child

Peacefully sleeping at night

Ever believing in fairy tales

Imagining good creatures like dolphins and whale

I wish I was still like a child

When love is abundant and mild

When there is someone to wake you up

And someone who'll send you for a nap

I wish I was still like a child

Who have no worries in mind

Bearing all the memories I now hide

I wish I was still like a child

With God I know I'm a child He carry by His side.

[mulleinpearl]

When Love is Sharpened

A love that I can see

if there is chance for a mystery

A love that they say of magic

which makes my life poetic

A love that I don't have

when time is not enough

A love I don't give effort

for I know it won't go forth

A love that teases me

but never wrote a single story

A love that caught my feelings

and cheer my heart to sing

A love that I cannot see

cause God hasn't answered my plea

A love that needs to wait

for my heart has a golden gate

A love that needs to build

a book with pages that never wilt

A love that needs a pen

within a storm needs to  be sharpened.

[mulleinpearl]

FRUSTRATED BALLERINA

Toes that are slender and elastic

With hips that sways in every music

Hands waving with the breeze

Dancing like butterflies and bees

A skirt like soft petals

Of a season of colorful floral

Love the swirl and twirl

And how the body curl

But I couldn't ever do that again

To sway and dance under the sun and rain

Yet I wish to wear this shoe

The moment I'll move my feet with you.

[mulleinpearl]

WHY LOVE IS BLUE?

Love is blue the way I see it.

Love is blue cause I can't eat.

Love is blue when all is lost.

Love is blue when it's you I think most.

Love is blue when I make a strike.

Love is blue cause it's a strife.

Love is blue the world won't imagine.

Love is blue when it's like a fantasy scene.

Love is blue when there's wishes.

Love is blue when it's all just promises.

Love is blue cause I've never tried.

Love is blue for all the feeling I just hide.

Love is blue though seasons may change.

Love is blue through the sun and through the rain.

Love is blue that is bitter than a dew.

Love is blue cause it's never been sweeter without you.

[mulleinpearl]

Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.

Chinese Proverb (via aquaticwonder)

-sometimes we cover ourselves on ways how to reach the mountaintop quickly...not knowing, it's better to take it slow...and be calm.

[mulleinpearl]

Life Without God

Ironic. That's the life living without God. Everything turns to be ironic. Everything is not on it's right place. Everything is not organized of what your plans should be. Everything turns into a failure even you poured out your best for it. Nothing has been perfect. Nothing has been better. Everything turns out to be on the wrong place.

And all you can do is worry. All you can do is doubt...to feel guilt...to always battle with your conscience. Your heart is filled with anxiety. Your heart is led by regrets. Your heart and even your mind never find rest. And after the day, your eyes is swollen by your tears. You pity yourself. You became angry to yourself. You are always in distress. You feel like being left out. You feel like the world always turn you down. It's all because you don't have a mighty hand to hold on...It's all because:

LIFE WITHOUT GOD IS A MISERY

Life without God is like a boat sinking in the open sea

Life without God is like a house built in the sand easily washed by a storm

Life without God is like a plant without roots

Life without God is like a pencil without a lead

Life without God is like a stagnant river filled with garbage

Life without God is like a narrow street without light

Life without God is like a car without wheels

Life without God is like a road without directions

Life without God is like a well without water

Life without God is an empty life

Life without God is a useless life

Life without God is a stressful life

Life without God is a fearful life

BECAUSE LIFE IS THE DEFINITION OF HAVING GOD.

and losing God is also losing Life

because Life came from God

and God is the Life of everyone.

[mulleinpearl]

I Miss my Enemy-turned Friend

How could you fell for someone who for the first time had been your worst enemy? You hate him for his arrogance, his immaturity and worst of all for blaming you of things you won't do for the rest of your life.

He was a total enemy character, a war-freak: a verbal war-freak. Is it my right if I don't want to respect him by calling him "kuya"? Is it my right not to talk to strangers like him? Then what? He has to shout on me in front of my friends and say stupid things I haven't committed. On the first place, he's the one who haven't showed respect not to me but to himself. I really hate how arrogant he was. Boasting his talents on guitar, fixing gadgets like a pro, and his not that handsome face. What a shame?

But then when flickering emotions turned the scenario upside down, I felt something even weird inside of me. He showed me why I have to respect him. Treating me like his little sister, teaching me how to mingle, teasing me for the things I haven't committed and singing the song that turned to be my favorite. Would it be better if we turn to be friends?

Then days are adding the sweetness between us. We see each other often. Greeting each other with "Yo's" and tickle on my side. He was never been a gate crusher. He expect of my smile when I see him. What could this be happening to me?

One night I received a text message of an unknown number. It was him. I asked, "Bakit po Kuya?" (why older brother?), then he became mad and asking to put out the po and kuya when I'm talking to him. Startled I become. I thought I had to respect him, then when in this world I have to call him without those words??

The days are getting sweeter. He went to our house checking me if I'm home especially school days would be over. He asks around of senseless things though we share different stories over the phone. Get jealous when I tell of crushes. Get irritated when I compare him with his cousin. Now, whom I am talking to? Is he still my enemy or my friend?

And then one day we had to part ways. I had to leave him. My family had to move out. No sad goodbyes. We never said goodbye. We hate to see each other cry cause we know there isn't anything that is formed between us. The night I had to leave, I had to ask him if he is still mad at me. A question I kept on repeating over the phone cause he was not yet there couple of hours before I'll go. Just to ease out and stop the tension, he appeared. I saw the fake smiles in his face. I saw how he was being troubled. He kept asking "Hanggang ganun na lang?" (just until there?) And I don't know what to answer. I don't know how to answer pretending I can't hear what he is saying because my friends are also noisy that night.

Again, he disappeared and haven't say a word where he'll be going. I messaged him but he never replied. I have to go on the bus terminal though I'm still looking for him. Where is he? I have to see him for once. Unknowingly, he was waiting for me in the terminal. He wear those smiles I won't forget. I'm waiting for our ride to settle. We're just staring each other. I'm not able to read his mind who kept on asking that question which I always answer in a question also.

Then the time we really had to part. It was not hurting. But something in me that felt dismayed. I bear a lot of regrets. And I think it's the same way as his.

We are buried in the question: Why do we had to become enemies on the first place when we could be good friends and most probably, more of it?

But I tell you readers, we treat each other now as STRANGERS.

[mulleinpearl]

they say that in order to push problems away, you had to dance with life like in a ballet...so I sketched a little Ballerina and made her dance on my notebook and made my monitor as her mirror.

[mulleinpearl]

You Saw Me Laugh

I was spending my weird day seeing weird things in their weird time. I was asking why these weird events had to happen this day and just laughing on them. Coz' it was really a weird day. I speak English like never been before. My finger bleed when the eggshells prick it while last week I have to wait for a day to let the blood out when the knife cut my finger. I ate a lot like I was hungry all the time. I crave for food I ate a decade ago. I kept on laughing on simple jokes. I saw a woman with half-dyed (half I mean, she has a very long hair, the upper part is natural black and the half is blonde) hair thinking that it was good, but it wasn't. I swear. I saw a couple holding hands while walking, it was normal. But the not normal part is that they are wearing the same checkered polo and it was just like they're Bananas in Pajamas. I rode a cab who doesn't want to fetch us and even hesitates to deliver us on the right place yet hoped to be paid right. 

And the weirdest thing ever happened to me today

is when I saw you...yes, with your girlfriend again.

but jealousy didn't entered in my mind (not heart)

instead what the moment freaked me out is when you heard and saw me laugh in this unexpected time...

and you have to stare at me AGAIN?

You saw me laugh but I wish you haven't notice the feeling I had for you

BEFORE.

[mulleinpearl]

we always blame things, time and people when we suffer badly from our own doings...we always conquer fears by playing with our emotions just to escape from reality...not knowing, that against all odds..there is just one solution for everything. PRAYER-the best weapon a weak person could ever had.

[mulleinpearl]

Ang Bigat

Kahit kailan talaga ay wala sa ating mga kamay ang daloy ng buhay.

may oras na masaya, akala mo ang gaan ng lahat, yung wala kang aasahang pagdaloy ng luha.

Pero darating talaga ang oras na babalik ang lahat sa hirap, lungkot, pag-aalala, takot at tuluyan nang pag-agos ng luha.

Yung hindi mo na alam kung tama pa ba ang mga desisyon mo sa buhay, mararamdaman mong nakakasawa na ang lahat, paulit-ulit na lang: aasa, papaasahin, umasa, wala ng pag-asa.

Hindi ako nagrereklamo. Hindi din naman ako nagsisisi. Wala akong alam na ugat ng lahat ng ito. Wala akong alam kung sino nga ba ang dapat kong hingan ng payo sa puntong ito.

lahat mahirap. walang madali. lahat masakit. walang masarap. lahat may hangganan. walang maayos na katapusan.

Isa lang ang gusto ko ngayon. Ang maiagos ng panahon ang luhang namumuo na sa talukap ng aking mata. Ang makaramdam ng ginhawa. ang makatulog ng payapa. Ang matapos ang lahat ng ito. At mawala na lahat ng bigat na dinadala ng puso ko.

[mulleinpearl]

there are just things you have to take in coldness...cause warmth is temporary but coldness is permanent.

[mulleinpearl]

she was the woman full of humor that I ever knew...the woman of wisdom who never regret sharing her skills to her grandchildren...the woman whom God blessed within 80 years and would be blessing for the rest of her life... I Love you MAMA ODEN!!! :) <3