mushkhushshu

[mushkhushshu]

My name is mahmoud mohammed jaafar jaafar i studied computer engineering and graduated from university in 2023 i worked as a software engineer in a local company here in gaza unit the war started, then the company got destroyed and became unemployed and our house is destroyed partially and became inhabitant to live in but nevertheless we stayed in it because we do not else to go i currently live in north gaza where is a scarcity of food and i have 3 brothers and 4 sister one of them died while he was trying to find food for the family so i am the eldest in my family now i have to provide a living for them

Any amount you give me will help me a lot in supporting my family in Gaza in light of the fear and lack of food, medicine and drink

Any amount you give me will help me a lot, even if it is $10.

[mushkhushshu]

This is me Aya.. ‏🇵🇸

Imagine you wake up with nothing left.That's exactly what happened with us .we moved from having everything to having nothing.In a blink of an eye ,we lost everything, our house ,dreams, memories belongings and our works. We are starting from zero and need your help to climb the leader step by step from scratch.

All the positive words cannot express how generous you are, especially in sharing my posts to inform other donors about the people of Gaza who are still suffering from the terrible conditions caused by the unjust war on Gaza!

Please continue to support us by donating directly or by sharing the link to let others know. Don't hesitate to help people in difficult and miserable times until the dark days are over. 🙏🏻🍉

https://gofund.me/c4c2cf82

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[mushkhushshu]

Hello, my name is Hamdi from Gaza 🍉 I have blood cancer and I need your donations, whatever they are, because they give me and my family hope. I need to leave Gaza for treatment, me and my grandchildren, Mira and Hamed. Thank you very much 🇵🇸🚨💔

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[mushkhushshu]

My little Hanan is struggling to stay warm in this freezing winter. She urgently needs clothes, blankets, diapers, and food to survive. We fled Gaza with nothing, and the cold is unbearable. Her grandfather is battling cancer and desperately needs life-saving treatment. Every day is a struggle for warmth, shelter, and basic necessities.

Right now, we have no support, and we’re facing the harsh winter with little to survive on. Any help, no matter how small, can make a huge difference in our lives. Please, if you can, stand with us in this time of need.

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[mushkhushshu]

@/folkoftheshelf on Twitter has made a thread of fundraising links for Gazans. I’ve transferred the links here, please boost them as the conflict is worsening:

Help Ahmad Hassan and his family escape Gaza

Help Halla Morshed’d family escape Gaza

Help Dr. Yousef Alsweisi and his family escape Gaza

Evacuate Sohad’s family out of Gaza

Help Donia Tanani and her family escape Gaza (they are close to reaching their goal!!)

Help Zinh and her family escape Gaza (they are close to reaching their goal!!)

Help this Gazan family rebuild their lives (they are not close to their goal as of writing)

Help the Zack Family

Help Hala Jad and her family (they are at a 1/3 of their goal)

Help Walid and his family escape Gaza (they are close to reaching their goal!!)

Help Mariam Radi and her family (as of right now they are not close to reaching their goal)

Help Maha Abu Shammala evacuate the family from Gaza (they haven't met their goal as of writing)

Help Ronza Alaa and her family (they haven't met their goal as of writing)

Help Noor and her family evacuate to safety (they haven't met their goal as of writing)

Help Manar Abuqata get his family out of Gaza (goal hasn't been met as of writing)

Help Farah save her family

Help Ahmad’s family escape from Gaza to Egypt

Help evacuate Mohammed Harara’s family out of Gaza (they are halfway through their goal!!)

Help Dana and her family escape (they have almost met their goal!!)

Help Anas’ family escape from Gaza (goal has not been met as of writing, note that the money is in krona, 1 usd=11 krona)

Help Ibrahem Ra’fat Daher and his family evacuate Gaza

Help Hakam Albalawi save his family (goal had not been met as of writing)

Help Tabseem AbuJamie’s family evacuate (goal hasn't been met and only has two donations as of writing)

Rafah Masterpost

[mushkhushshu]

Dear Supporter,

I hope this message finds you and your family in good health. My name is Eman Zaqout from Gaza. I am reaching you out to seek your urgent help in spreading the word about our fundraiser. I lost both my home and my job due to the ongoing genocide in Gaza and we are facing catastrophic living conditions. 💔

I kindly ask you to visit my campaign. Your support, whether through donating or sharing, will help us reach more people who can make a difference. Thank you for your continued support for the Palestinian cause. Your dedication brings us closer to freedom. 🙏🕊

Note: Verified by several people as 90-ghost and aces-and-angels. ☑

https://gofund.me/b141d50f 🔗

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[mushkhushshu]

A Travesty and Some Pictures

hi again. i write this the day after the head-against-wall-banging election of a grinning demented fascist felon for president of the country i happen to live in. i don't think i have to explain my disdain for this man, nor my disappointment in my fellow citizens for choosing a rapist over a normal person. i don't want to, either. i'm so overwhelmed with and weary of politics, but unfortunately i sort of have to pay attention, just for the sake of my own, my friends', family's, and my fellow humans' rights and all. also, there are detestable gruesome wars happening overseas, in which children are slaughtered indiscriminately and cities are razed in the name of simple, white-hot cruelty; and all the colors in my own life feel less vibrant now. there are tens of thousands - probably over a hundred thousand at this point, considering the destruction of healthcare infrastructure and the near-total devastation of the entirety of gaza - who are dead now, who were beaten and shot and blown up and crushed by rubble and starved by bloodthirsty colonists. it's not just gaza, either. horrible, unjust (not that a war can ever be just) wars are raging in ukraine and sudan (where another genocide is going on) and the world carries on, outside of our control. it's unbelievable and frustrating - the fact that all this is happening and yet daily life must continue as scheduled. it's absurd. now, it is so easy to give up hope, but it is so important that we don't. it's not over; it's never over, and it never will be. there is an infinite future regardless of what's happening now. as long as the earth turns there is tomorrow, and as long as there is tomorrow, we need to strive for it to be better. to quote canadian prog-pop blip klaatu, all is lost if one abandons hope. as paul desjardins (quoted by proust) said: now are the woods all black, but still the sky is blue. i don't really have much to say, except: please keep living, loving, and fighting to ensure that the next generation won't have to endure the strife of those previous. here's the pictures

The Pictures

these follow a theme: they are all pictures of clouds that i find very nice to look at. i shot them all on harman phoenix 200, probably with the pentax and the 28mm. when phoenix first came out, i saw people complaining about the grain and the colors - particularly reds, if i recall correctly. i've been looking at the sky a lot more lately. there's something amazing about clouds; some indescribable wonder about the presence of these huge, barely-tangible, roving beasts of the sky that makes me feel grounded in a weird way. it brings me back to that proust quote:

"may you always see a blue sky overhead, my young friend; and then, even when the time comes, which is coming now for me, when the woods are all black, when night is fast falling, you will be able to console yourself, as I am doing, by looking up to the sky.”

it makes me feel like i am a part of the land, the air -- this great flowing river of earth that never stops, and can't. it's scary and it's beautiful and everything in-between.

my computer is going to die soon, so i am going to stop writing, but i have 4 more rolls' worth of scans now, and i lucked out and got a lot of good pictures, so this won't be the last you hear from me...

til then

[mushkhushshu]

I Promise

i will have more pictures eventually!!! i never sent those rolls out, and i have a few more in progress. i'm away from my darkroom equipment, so i doubt the next things on here will be b&w prints. i've got another tiger with like 2 shots on it, b&w 100 of some sort, and orwo nc500 loaded into various cameras. i also have a roll of phoenix that i'm going to do something with. some of those rolls i talked about are almost a year old, so i'm anxious to get them sent out

edit: and i have a ton of ektar and portra 120 that are like 2 years old!! i *really* need to send those out

[mushkhushshu]

Don't Think That It's Unnoticed

hey to my loyal follower (singular). so i know i haven't been active on here in a while. things pile up and i lose motivation. whatever. i am pleased to announce that i have one roll each of ektachrome 64t, fpp elektra 100 (respooled aerochrome), and harman phoenix 200, as well as 110 cartridges of lomo tiger (x2) and turquoise (x1) -- all awaiting development. i have a developed roll of bw from over a month ago that i don't think i've posted anything from and another roll in the om-1. expect something soon

i also have like 10 rolls of 120 portra and ektar from like a year ago that need to be developed. guaranteed to be nothing good on there, but we'll see eventually

anyway, if you happen upon this post, know that i will be back to m occasional posts soon enough

[mushkhushshu]

i hate test strips

new pictures soon

i saw the "doom generation" last night and i didn't like it

[mushkhushshu]

first real snow of the season. idk how long it will last but. oh yeah. it's picture taking time

[mushkhushshu]

It's Been A While

i'm back. i guess. i didn't really notice i had left. lot to do lately. i did, in fact, get an enlarger - a bogen 22b special. wow, does that thing work. very functional. (i jest, but it's honestly a great piece of gear and suits my needs perfectly)so, as one would expect, i've been working on figuring out the whole printing deal. i've been doing better than expected, and it's so nice to be able to have pictures of a higher quality than my previous phone scans. i have done 5 successful prints so far. i'll put 3 of them up, for reasons. here's the pictures

The PIctures

this was my first attempt at printing. it is a picture of my friend looking out the window of an abandoned house we were in. i took it with the k1000 with the takumar 28mm on kodak plus-x 125, expired sometime in the 90s, i think. i think it looks pretty good. it was a 9-second exposure for the enlarger, on ilford multigrade rc 5x7 paper

this was my 3rd attempt at printing. the second was just a worse version of this one. it's still not as focused as i would like it to be, but whatever. it's a little path in a little town. i took it on the same day as the above picture, and therefore with the same rig. everyone i've shown it to has sad it looks spooky, bu i really don't get that at all. i think it was like a 14-second exposure on some unidentified 8x10 paper (cropped obviously)

this is my 5th and latest attempt as printing. the 4th wasn't all that well exposed and had some pretty blatant information about my location, so i didn't want to post it, even to my audience of one person (whom i know irl). this is a picture of some big lights. it was kind of a rushed job, so i definitely could have done better. i think i'll redo it somehow. it was taken with an olympus stylus infinity zoom on fuji superia 400 - the first roll of film i ever shot. i might post the color image sometime else, but it's a totally different feel in black and white. i wanted it to be kind of foreboding, and i think i did manage to communicate that just a little bit. like a 3-second exposure on the multigrade 5x7 with a 40c filter. i'm not sure if filter nomenclature is standardized, so i guess i'll specify that it was a very light blue

til next time

[mushkhushshu]

i got an enlarger!!!!

2 days ago, from an old guy looking to downsize. he also gave me old chemicals (some expired, some not), timer, safelight, and a bunch of other darkroom paraphernalia. yay

[mushkhushshu]

A Tentative Glance

this is one of the pictures from the plus-x that i developed on wednesday. my scanning setup is the most terrible barebones thing, so it doesn't look incredible. i can assure you that the negative has a lot more detail that this. anyway, onto the picture

The Picture

this is a picture i took when i was checking out an abandoned house with my friend. this is not the house in question, but rather a different, probably abandoned house. i took it with the pentax and the 28mm on kodak plus-x 125. i LOVE abandoned things so damn much. they make me think about the lives led there, and thereby more closely about my own.

i saw a bunch of old home movies the other day and they kinda struck me. not only because i was seeing my older relatives in a state i had never seen them, but also because of the sheer energy in them. there was an electricity in those videos - a certain indescribable "vibe" that just permeated the whole experience. i got to thinking about how my life doesn't have that same electricity, that same sense of wonderment. then i kinda realized that their lives didn't have that either. they lived totally normal lives filled with boring and inelegant moments. the beauty in that ennui, however, comes through the videos; the lens provides a convenient narrator in those select moments. a totally average life moment will become beautiful and meaningful simply by the action of recording it, for in that recording, you have validated the moment and given it new life as an undying piece of history. it is this infinite prospect of "history" which fills me with joy and dread. i feel the sudden lifting of the burdens of present day from my shoulders - and in their stead, the unending expanse of the future stretching out before me. it's terrifying.

that same terror consumed me vicariously through the land and property - pretty much a neighborhood of abandoned and dilapidated houses and yards. i looked around and realized that people grew up here. there were people, some certainly still living, who remember this place, who were here before it sank into dilapidation and squalor. and again that electricity showed itself to me.

i had been in the house we went in once before, but on this particular visit, i learned so much about the occupants - a family, or at least a parent and a kid: their photo albums, clothes, sports illustrated swimsuit edition '93(?), a ledger, a vhs tape labelled "x-rated pornography in new york full" - they all were exposed to the prying eyes of those who went past barely standing borders into rooms with furniture indistinguishable from the floors. i could deduce so much, but i ultimately could learn so little.

their kid's name was scott.

anyway, i'll be back with more bad scans and maybe that 4x5 - if i ever develop it

[mushkhushshu]

maybe i should stop shooting all my expired film at box speed regardless of age and/or storage conditions

[mushkhushshu]

Back Once Again: The Second Two Ektachrome Scans

here are the next two. tbh not my greatest work, but i do think they are pictures worth looking at maybe.

The Pictures

these are pictures taken in rural kansas over the summer. the first one is just some road, and the second is the wakarusa river. they were both taken with the k1000 on the ektachrome 64t. i think i used the 28mm lens on both, but the one of the river might have been with the tamron tele. the overexposure and blue cast are present on most pictures from this roll, but they're particularly annoying on these pictures. i took the first one because it just looked like a ghibli movie through my eyes; it was so ridiculously green that it honestly felt like something out of a dream. the ektachrome did not do it justice, however, and while it still looks pretty good, it's definitely not the magical scene i remember. the one of the river is just plain overexposed. i haven't actually put these pictures through a slide projector (haven't bought mounts), so some of this might be scanning issues - i had another scan that was way blown out but the positive itself looked fine. i guess i'll wait and see

[mushkhushshu]

Developing News

did some 35 (plus-x 125) yesterday and negatives look pretty damn good! unfortunately i have no time to do anything so i didn't get them "scanned". maybe tonight. going to send out some 110 i shot over the weekend so i'll have that too eventually. there's a 4x5 sheet from that same weekend that i have to do - tonight if i'm good with my time management. lots to do, but a lot has been done already. oh well.

--end transmission--