musingwithshal-blog

[musingwithshal-blog]

I wish for....unfulfilled love

She got up this morning and looked at his side of the un-slept -in bed. The laundry was done and everything was ironed and stacked, cupboards were well stocked and his favorite dishes were labeled and were resting happily in the refrigerator. She had Taken care of everything…. Except two.

She sat down with pen and paper and started scribbling slowly at first and her pace built up rapidly as her thoughts guided her hands and the pen and paper became the final instruments to be used to try to reach out to him….. Dear husband We met, married and lived happily ever after. Great scenario! Just out of the movies! If happily ever afters were true, so would be the fact that earth is the center of the universe. Love is the greatest emotion. Selfless, pure. Puts life in you. Millions of pages are inked with tales of love, the passion, the beauty, the excitement, the tingling on your skin just by being around your man. The stolen glances, the hot kisses. The sweet desire to wake up every morning and see the sleep warm face of your lover, the dire need to be in his arms each night of your life…he woos her showers her with love and thoughtful gifts, gestures, serenading her till she believes that she is the most important person in his life Then he goes down on his knees and she waltzes into his life making it her own and then it’s happily ever after…. Or maybe it isn’t…

I walked into your life dreaming of a rosy future.. The comfort of togetherness, companionship,the passion, the love which made our hearts beat loudly…where did it all go away? Guess u ll never find time to answer that question and many others that I’ve asked…. So I’ll wish to turn back time and wish that I’d returned your ring and let our love go unfulfilled….. Yes, that’s what I wish before I end it all.. That my love was unfulfilled… Cos if it was i would still hear u sing his favorite song for me. I wish I could still be surprised by a dozen red roses on my door step bearing no card. I wish u would cook for me sometimes and make me feel like a princess, the way he used to. I wish I would sometimes cook ur favorites and sneak out for a picnic somewhere… Lie on our blanket and stare at de sky, feel de breeze on our faces, and chat…about our hopes, aspirations, world and just about anything as long as the conversation didn’t stop. I wish my love was unfulfilled so that I could still dress up for uand see your eyes getting all hot for me..that u could get drunk on my perfume. I wish my love was unfulfilled so that u would stand in the rain to buy the copy of the newly launched book I’ve been wanting to read…..trying in every possible way to make me a part of ur life…. To be able to put a ring around my finger…

I wish my love was unfulfilled cos every night now Iie waiting for you either to see u drop in bed and start snoring.. Or not turn in at all I wish my love unfulfilled cos then u would still come to me every night in my dreams and look at me with love, with passion, u would talk to me, you would listen, wipe my tears. U would not ignore my pain like u do and make me feel sorry for existing.

Yes, I wish for that unfulfilled love where my man would still be the Knight in shining armor and not a stranger who looks through me. I would be important to him and not a part of scenery.

I wish I’d let our love go unfulfilled cos I didn’t even realize when and how u killed the guy who loved me….and strangled and slowly tortured my loving heart into hopelessness and despair…. I’m only an image of the girl I was and today that ends too

Good bye

[musingwithshal-blog]

CONFESSIONS OF A BOOKAHOLIC

STATUTORY WARNING :reading books can be injurious to health I'm hurting deeply today..its nothing new...occurs often...I need to cope up with this deep gnawing pain...I m suffering from a heartache...but I can't fall apart...I wish I was those übercool genre of female homosapiens who could nurse a heartache like chipped nailpaint! Just wipe off old feelings which got chipped and reapply a fresh coat of paint/feelings and ur ready to rock de world! Grrrrr, now I'm annoyed wid myself....may be I could drown myself...or ill just shut down de part of my grey cells which transmit all these nerve racking, heart clenching,nociceptive emotions....why can't I grow up! Be matured and take de heart matters as they come...I'm not like my peers....maybe I'm mutated....or I don't belong to this world......he told me de same thing last night!! Not like de dreamy- wow!u r out of this world!ur so beautiful and perfect that u seem unreal.....but like..I could hear de drip drip drip of sarcasm from every word....he said that I was out of this world...I d lost touch wid reality and lived in de fictional world created by novels I read...NO! I gorge upon....they are de food for my soul...a beautiful getaway. PRESCRIBED DOSAGE : a good book taken wid a cup of coffee and de harsh realities seem so faraway....I get intoxicated by a good book like people do with a bottle of their bubbly...may be de books are my poison...welllllll its easier to access ,cheaper,and I don't have to sniff it or pour its bitterness down my throat to get high! Jus picking up a book gives me contradictory sensations of a calm, along wid a tickle of anticipation of de wonders i'll unveil...it IS intoxicating, floating sort of a felling...the smell of a new book...the soft rustle of the pages...the enchantment it casts upon u...It must be an enchantment...u r in the real world in flesh and blood , yet u r not there...u r oblivious to what goes on around u...its sheer bliss!! Choosing a book is like standing in the time machine .....trying to decide which era of future or past would u like to visit today or dining in a fine restaurant. A for-ur-eyes-only menu pops up- Mam! Where would u like to go today? What emotions would u like to feel ? Do u want a bit of romance? Victorian era or new age? Slow and sultry or fast paced? A touch of humour? Some sprinkles of tragedy? And would u like a side dish of mystery to go with it? Poof!Your world is transformed...Ur emotions go on a roller coaster ride. You feel de pain of The drama queens heartache and laugh through your tears to put up a bravefront. You struggle through de storms of hardships and never stoop low...never give up ur self respect and dignity...In the end de gud triumphs over evil,the right over wrong and love wins....u go thru de epilogue and reassure urself that they had a gud and happy life ..and u realize that de book is over...and so is ur joyride! U fall back into de real world ...and ah! What a nasty bruise u got....the chores still left undone beckon u with their creepy fingers....calls to answer ,bills to be paid and governments to run....welcome back to world bleak and grey....no clear black and white of gud and evil here...just a dreary smudged up grey ...no complete right and wrong....no gud winning in de end....no love..he's gone....oh de heartache is back....it hurts even more now....why can't I hav had what my dramaqueen had....why couldn't my love come back wid open arms and love me for what I am?....I can't take it....ill just get back to de chores and de bills and de day to day drills...but please! Just a little peek in de next paperback...ah well! Just one...there u go....okay, please just one page....just one and den I ll stop....no...just de first chapter....just a mouthful more ...mmmm....and u can't stop ...The emotional rollercoaster ride begins...... again!!

[musingwithshal-blog]

I wish for....unfulfilled love

She got up this morning and looked at his side of the un-slept -in bed. The laundry was done and everything was ironed and stacked, cupboards were well stocked and his favorite dishes were labeled and were resting happily in the refrigerator. She had Taken care of everything.... Except two. She sat down with pen and paper and started scribbling slowly at first and her pace built up rapidly as her thoughts guided her hands and the pen and paper became the final instruments to be used to try to reach out to him..... Dear husband We met, married and lived happily ever after. Great scenario! Just out of the movies! If happily ever afters were true, so would be the fact that earth is the center of the universe. Love is the greatest emotion. Selfless, pure. Puts life in you. Millions of pages are inked with tales of love, the passion, the beauty, the excitement, the tingling on your skin just by being around your man. The stolen glances, the hot kisses. The sweet desire to wake up every morning and see the sleep warm face of your lover, the dire need to be in his arms each night of your life...he woos her showers her with love and thoughtful gifts, gestures, serenading her till she believes that she is the most important person in his life Then he goes down on his knees and she waltzes into his life making it her own and then it's happily ever after.... Or maybe it isn't... I walked into your life dreaming of a rosy future.. The comfort of togetherness, companionship,the passion, the love which made our hearts beat loudly...where did it all go away? Guess u ll never find time to answer that question and many others that I've asked.... So I'll wish to turn back time and wish that I'd returned your ring and let our love go unfulfilled..... Yes, that's what I wish before I end it all.. That my love was unfulfilled... Cos if it was i would still hear u sing his favorite song for me. I wish I could still be surprised by a dozen red roses on my door step bearing no card. I wish u would cook for me sometimes and make me feel like a princess, the way he used to. I wish I would sometimes cook ur favorites and sneak out for a picnic somewhere... Lie on our blanket and stare at de sky, feel de breeze on our faces, and chat...about our hopes, aspirations, world and just about anything as long as the conversation didn't stop. I wish my love was unfulfilled so that I could still dress up for uand see your eyes getting all hot for me..that u could get drunk on my perfume. I wish my love was unfulfilled so that u would stand in the rain to buy the copy of the newly launched book I've been wanting to read.....trying in every possible way to make me a part of ur life.... To be able to put a ring around my finger... I wish my love was unfulfilled cos every night now Iie waiting for you either to see u drop in bed and start snoring.. Or not turn in at all I wish my love unfulfilled cos then u would still come to me every night in my dreams and look at me with love, with passion, u would talk to me, you would listen, wipe my tears. U would not ignore my pain like u do and make me feel sorry for existing. Yes, I wish for that unfulfilled love where my man would still be the Knight in shining armor and not a stranger who looks through me. I would be important to him and not a part of scenery. I wish I'd let our love go unfulfilled cos I didn't even realize when and how u killed the guy who loved me....and strangled and slowly tortured my loving heart into hopelessness and despair.... I'm only an image of the girl I was and today that ends too Good bye

[musingwithshal-blog]

It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can’t hold them in your arms Hurts worse when you can have them in your arms.. But not reach their heart (sigh).. No love is better than unfulfilled love