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Conditions on Unconditional Love

You were supposed to love me no matter what.

There were not supposed to be conditions.

At no time did I ask to be here.

At no time did I have a choice to be yours.

I came into this world to be who I am.

I grew up thinking you would always love me.

I grew up thinking you would always support me.

I grew up thinking you would protect me.

I grew up and learned I was wrong.

I slowly learned that there were conditions.

I slowly learned to be afraid to talk to you.

I slowly learned to hide who I am from you.

I slowly learned to protect myself.

I slowly learned to find love elsewhere.

I slowly learned to find acceptance elsewhere.

I slowly learned to make my own family.

Then I watched you very quickly tear it all away.

You.

Who was supposed to support me.

You.

Who was supposed to keep me safe.

You.

Who showed me that apparently there can be conditions on love.

By: Kayla Boyd-Robertson

I was finally able to write this after my tears subsided. One of my kids was outed to his mother and is being forced to go to a private Catholic School now. I can never understand parents who put conditions on loving their child.

For all of you out there struggling with this, know you are not alone. Know you are loved. If you need to talk, message me.

If you are thinking about suicide and in need of immediate support, please call the TrevorLifeline at 1-866-488-7386.

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At Least They Carry Protection

I just had a student pulled into my room with a condom on his arm. Apparently his friend talked him into letting him put a condom on his arm so they could post it on Snapchat. He was then pulled out of the bathroom to my room. I... I really was at a loss for words and had to keep from laughing. On the bright side they know about protection.

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Things I Shouldn't Have to Ask

When you are a teacher, you find yourself asking or saying things you shouldn't have to. After overhearing a student conversation I had to ask "Why are you looking up whale penises?".

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New Conspiracy Theory

One of my students started asking his classmates if they've seen any birds since the government shutdown. He slowly started convincing them that they haven't and that the reason is because all birds are spies with cameras for the government.

One kid brought up that they migrated for winter. His response was "Yeah. They migrated back to their homebase."

Now this is all they want to talk about. They've moved onto snails.

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I've done this to students before. I've also told them to write a paper on college subjects if they want credit.

When students try to get caught up when they haven’t done any work all semester

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Fishies are the BEST!

I love the amusing things I run across when teaching Freshmen. I have two stories the involve the same student. 1. I come back from two days of being out sick to a note with a student’s name. I was slightly baffled because he’s never been an issue for me before. I decided to investigate. Me: Why did the sub call say you were extremely disrespectful? Student: First of all, she was extremely rude. She immediately came in and started yelling at us. (class agrees) Me: Doesn’t mean you can be disrespectful. Student: Well I just asked her a question. I accept the punishment for it. Me: What did you ask? Student: -mumbles something- Me: What? Friend: I dared him to. Me: Well now I just have to know. Student: I asked her if you take someone’s virginity does that mean you have two virginities? Me: -proceeds to laugh- 2. I walked into eighth period just to say, “Do not have seances on the desks before class.” Student: Why not? Me: It’s distracting. Do it after class. TLDR: Student asked a sub “If I take someone’s virginity, does that mean I have two virginities?” and tried to have a seance before class began.

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Silly Freshmen

School has started again and I have come to a point of realization. I say things as a teacher of freshmen that I believe people would never have to say in general. Today was one of those days. I allowed my students a bit of free time after going to library and behaving pretty well. I was sitting at my desk grading papers and heard a noise.

*weird noise to the front of me*

*me not looking up from my papers* “(student name omitted), stop snorting stuff in my class.”

*class proceeds to burst out laughing*

*me putting my head in my hands in complete dismay* “(student name omitted), please don’t crush up anymore corn chips to snort.”

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Here's to you, Chester.

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1-800-273-8255

It saddens me that more and more people are losing their fight with depression. That they see no other way to move on. I remember when a fellow teacher mentioned that Chester Bennington had committed suicide; I was a bit lost. The man who brought me through some of the worst times in my depression with his music lost his fight with his. For the longest of times I couldn't understand how someone made it to that point. I especially couldn't understand when one of my best friends killed himself during Thanksgiving week. Why he didn't reach out or ask for help. Since then I have slowly come to realize how hard it is to reach out and ask for help. How difficult it is to tell people how you are feeling deep inside because of the reactions you get. It makes it even more difficult to talk to someone when you've had people tell you before that you have no reason at all to be depressed. I also now realize that I have been hanging on by a thread. That the only things in my life that have kept me going are my daughter and my students. I may have lost my fight a long time ago if it wasn't for them. Each day I wake up and know that I can keep going because I can help others through their difficult times (even when I can't help myself). Even if it is just one person that I help realize their dream or help them to be their best version of them, my struggle is worth it. If you are having a difficult time and need someone to talk to, message me. I will reply. I will not judge. Know that there are people out there who care and will listen. I know how it feels to be surrounded by people and feel overwhelmingly alone. Don't give up please. Reach out.

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Summer School

I was a bit worried to be teaching summer school this year due to having heard complaints from past summer school teachers. I have come to enjoy it even though I am utterly exhausted. The kids I didn't have throughout the year are interesting and they all have been pretending to do the work at least. Of course I do have some giggle monsters apparently in the form of three boys in a corner taking apart pens.

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The End of the Year

The end of the school year is here and I overwhelmed by a mixture of joy and sadness. I’m extremely happy I will be able to spend more time with Iris and work on our mother/daughter relationship, but I’m also sad due to my kids who are leaving me. The kids who are going home for two and a half months. My kids who will not know when they will eat next. My kids who will be facing the horrors of domestic violence. My kids who will be facing empty months of no love and acceptance. My kids who will face judgement due to who they are. My kids who will be watching their guardians care more about their illegal (or legal) substances more than they care about them. Even my kids who are going home to a comfortable and happy life because they are growing up and I’ve been a part of that. People sometimes argue with me that they aren’t my kids but my students (as if they are just customers). I will never accept that because when I worked other jobs I never went home and actively worried about my customers. I never went home and was unable to stop thinking about those I interacted with that day. Teachers never leave their job at the door. We go home and worry. We get off work buy supplies we know some kid needs or snacks for the kids we know need the food. We love our kids and will strive to educate and care for them. I hope next year I will be able to help my new kids learn and feel accepted. Until then, I will spend time with Iris and let her know that no matter what, I will always accept her.

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Never Will Abandon Them

I’ve always fought over the idea of leaving the town I grew up in. There have been many pros for me to leave and teach somewhere else: better pay, better housing, more stuff for Iris to do, and the ability to be around people who are more like me. The one con is what keeps me here. I know how hard it is to grow up in a small town that doesn’t accept differences well. A town that makes people feel like they are less than because they do not fit into the picture perfect mold. I cannot abandon those students who will go through the same thing. I cannot leave them alone in a town and school that does not accept them without someone on their side. I can find ways to be happy here and make my life here if it means I can help out those who are having to hide who they are in fear of repercussions. I will feel accomplished if I can make them realize that this town isn’t all there is and these people are only just a few in a major world. To help them pursue their dreams and be who they are. To give them someone who will not judge their quirks, sexuality, personality, or just their over all being. Even if it’s only a few.

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Never "Just" a Teacher

My heart is breaking Fractals slowly encompassing it With each word that is said against you The pain is searing With knowledge that I cannot protect you Slow deep breaths hold back the tears The need to reassure Surges forward Compassion and understanding Tumble out of my mouth A beautiful young soul Being beaten down for who they are Having been born into a small town That doesn’t accept differences These cookie cutter people with machismo attitudes Unable to embrace something against their world views I sit at home drowning in sadness Not able to leave my work life at work The overwhelming need to help all my students Will never allow me to be unaffected by their pain

by: Kayla Boyd-Robertson

I wrote this at home due to something said to me by one of my students. I long ago accepted things that are said against me due to who I am and my never ending quirks but it pains me that my students must deal with the same things. A lot of nights are spent worrying about my kids and the trials they face in life. I wish I could help them all and the helplessness that I face is sometimes overwhelming.

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Weird Days

The closer we get to the end of school, the weirder things are. Someone put a cucumber in a toilet. Why? What was the purpose? You wasted a cucumber.

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The Knowledge of Generation Z

We've been going over The Odyssey in class and the things my students do not know can be sad and funny. One of my students blurts out "I thought Trojan was a condom. I didn't know it was a war." I stared at her for a moment with an expression that could rival Steve Harvey in Family Feud. I wish I could say I didn't laugh but I did.

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Oh the things I must confiscate from my students. I then had to tell him to stop picking corn when he's out running for athletics.

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I have just started watching Vikings and it makes me very happy.