my-self-reboot - Tumblr blog

[my-self-reboot]

Jan 9: Angst/Fluff

You can experience a lot of things when your crush almost die in battle right after he came back from prision, after months not knowing if he was alive or not.

Forces comic, feel free to imaginate the dialogue.

@sonadow-week

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Some doodles i did today

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I have too many ships that fit this and I had to choose.

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Again ¡¡DOODLES!!

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Some doodles i drew before going to bed,

I like to think the Phantom Ruby is basically a debug mode so the user can spawn and multiply props or characters of the world that aren’t the real ones,

And since Gadget has a fake Ruby (does he?) he can only use it to spawn objects like springs, or those things to make you run fast and stuff :v

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I’m still trying to live 👻 Have some dog boys

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TOGETHER…

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credit to @inaccurate-mobius-quotes for the dialogue! I really wanted to draw it slfkjsdf

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Today I had to leave work after two hours because a fan was blowing on me.

Let me expand on that. I’m a 26 year old female that looks decently healthy on the outside. Maybe it’s the hair that distracts eyes away from the unhealthy parts, idk. But I had to leave work to go to the emergency room because I have fibromyalgia. I was having a flare up and have been for the past 5 days, with no relief. I called out of my stocking job 3 days into the flare up because putting on pants hurt too much and I ended up in the floor of my best friend’s room, sobbing because I couldn’t go do my job. I cried when I had to leave early, not because I was in pain (although I was in the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life and I’ve had fibromyalgia for 12 years), but because I realized I am going to have to take into account my illness/disease/problem.

Because my nerves were oversensitive, the fabric of my shirt moving hurt. Air hurt. The gloves I was wearing hurt. The sun hurt. My bed hurts.

My mother always said keep it on the down low because a job is more likely to fire you if they know. So I did. And if it was mentioned, I just laughed it off. So when I walked up to my manager with tears in my eyes because they have hardcore fans blowing everywhere because they’re too cheap to use the air conditioning and it became too much, she looked at me like I was crazy. I was embarrassed.

Invisible diseases exist. You dont know if someone is suffering unless they tell you. But please, please dont be afraid to tell someone about your problems, especially if they’re medical. You can elaborate as much as you feel comfortable. And dont take offense if they ask questions. That just means they’re trying to understand.

You dont have to suffer in silence.

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neurotypical/ablebodied people really want everything to be about them all of the time. for example, if I bring my narcolepsy up to people, a general response is “omg I’m always tired too” or “I wish I could fall asleep like that” the latter of which, is not even a thing that generally happens with narcoleptic people (that’s Hollywood narcolepsy.) my least favorite response is “you’re too young to be tired” like, tell that to my neurological disorder KAREN. like, yeah, i understand that there is a serious lack of education about these kinds of disorders, but for fucks sake don’t try to undermine somebody’s chronic illness by claiming to have it just as bad/worse. this is an issue especially prevalent with silent illnesses, as often times we don’t show physical symptoms so people assume we’re exaggerating. also, sometimes people will only support you so long as they don’t see the ugly side of your illness. with narcolepsy, I tend to dissociate a lot and forget simple things. I have to cancel on people because I can’t bring myself to walk out of my room. I just want everybody with a chronic illness to feel seen and valid, and NOT undermined.

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Your illness has not made you ugly

Your feeding tube has not made you ugly.

Your ostomy has not made you ugly

Your cane has not made you ugly

Your wheelchair has not made you ugly

Your oxygen has not made you ugly

Your wig/your bald head has not made you ugly

Your teeth or lack of has not made you ugly

Your body has not made you ugly

Your medications has not made you ugly

Your rashes, blemishes, scars and bruises has not made you ugly

Not being able to shower has not made you ugly

Flashbacks and paranoia has not made you ugly

Changes in your body and brain has not made you ugly

Having seizures has not made you ugly

Your trauma, depression and anxiety has not made you ugly

Your hallucinations, brain fog, and confusion has not made you ugly

Your lack of control over your body, brain, mood and life has not made you ugly.

Please never feel ashamed or ugly about what your illness has done to you, no matter what it has changed it can not change the beauty that you have, so even if you feel like youre not beautiful right now, please remember,

You are beautiful and your disability can never take that from you.

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Just because someone with your illness has a job, goes to school, or can do things you generally cant, does not mean youre faking it.

Dont compare yourself or your illness to them, every illness affects every person differently.

Youre doing the best you can, remember that.

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me: oh i'm not really that tired, i guess i haven't been overworking myself as much as i thought

me, as soon as i have a chance: *sleeps twenty hours*

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me: I need to catch up on sleep

me: *sleeps for fourteen hours until 2pm*

me: no not like that

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Researching your illness

Pros: you know alot. Understand alot, be able to educate yourself and people, even doctors on your illness. A billion revelations will cone at once and youll ve constantly saying “woah this was a symptom? So its not something that happens to everyone?” Or “thats why that does that, so im not weird”

Cons: you know too much, constantly worrying over the other shoe dropping,of your illness getting worse or of developing another illness, constantly asking yourself, “is this normal? Or just normal for people with my illness? Or not normal at all and i should be hospitalized??? Help????” And “theres so much wrong with me, why cant anyone help??? Why is this not cured yet????”

Its so hard being sick and trying to stay optimistic with all your symptoms, and possible progressive symptons, just a click away, and its always like you know too much or not enough

Its so frustrating

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I’m not “brave” or “special” because I haven’t killed myself yet. I’m not a hero or role model because I drag myself out of bed when I don’t have a choice. I’m fucking scared and devastated and feel like a burden on a society that isn’t made for people like me