mydysfunctionalvampirefamily

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Episode 9 brine and blood, let's go!

OH MY GOD! is his name fucking Guards the shores??? That is so embarrassing.

Wait. Did Nat just use Todd's real name? 😂

Riiiiight without 'touching' him.

Honestly I don't blame Todd for not wanting to get the teen involved.

Dallas, dude, it's a little hypocritical to say he's just your coworker when you've vowed to take care of the wife of your dead coworker for the rest of your life.... That's also not normal coworker behaviour.

Oh Pheia, 😔 let me give you a hug.

I mean we don't know if Gary can spread it though, right?

Also Todd we could ask you the same thing about the dad spreading it to the kid.

Thank you, Dallas!

Todd is such a hypocrite. 😂 I mean I don't fully blame him, but damn he shouldn't have gone so hard on Pheia. Selling out???? Damn!

Thank you Rebecca, for continously prompting the rest to explain their gifts!

Oh so now that the shark is gone were gonna use a codename for Todd? 😂😂

To be fair to the corrupt girlfriend it IS weird to show a stranger around someone's house when they are not home without asking.

Okay Pheia pointing out all the things about Katie's behaviour that are wrong are so creepy!

Wait. WAIT Dallas is trying to imprint on Todd that this is backup and Pheia takes the lead, and as soon as they walk in they see John pulling a Skimask over his face??? They are not all on the same page, good lord.

Wait is John still wearing the skimask???

Fire works?!?! Are they going to torture Katie?? I hope not. Torture is notoriously unreliable!

Fishy water??? Gross. Wait, the water is alive?

What the fuck is sea monkeys?!?!

His new job??? What is Gary's new job???

Just 1 glass of water is enough to change????

I feel bad for Katie though, and Gary. Though really Gary was put in the gone pile as soon as I learned his name.

Shlorping noise from the toilet? It's the toilet octopus for sure!

No!!! "Is it time now? I don't want to go." Objection: too sad! Rob, you can't be doing this! 😭

Oh god. Oh god oh god. Why is all of this so fucked up? This is so much more horrifying than any of the other stories. Oh my God.

Also they are not a team. 😭 I don't do well with conflict, please!

Also John, lock your car!

I will say this. Todd better kill that dad with the same attitude.

You shouldn't have just gone in and killed her. You got good information for one, and also of course you had to check if she was still in there! Of course you did!

Okay but in the outtakes: it's hilarious that Erika tried to slip in Gary being elderly, like power gamers try to slide in OP weapons and abilities into their backstory even though they're level 1, because I am pretty sure it was established Pheia and Gary are exes.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I know I'm a little bit behind! I'm trying to catch up!

Todd's reaction to Nat on the phone crackede up.

Why do I have a feeling Matteo is not going to be happy if Nat tells him he just needs to leave, like he could. 😂

Todd!!! Seems awful to think shifters aren't people.

Not Nat making it sound like they have some sort of CIA spy in the lobby out for hunters, instead of an insanely pretty girl just gathering information about the visitors. 😂

"No one would make that up." is so casually savage.

I love hammerhead vision.

First words out of Pheia's mouth with a bunch of shark men: Hi, I'm Pheia 😂 Todd just busting a vein.

Sure, let's talk about geese, while there's shot guns and all around.

Todd is such a teacher, "I give Pheia a cut it out look."

How long can I go on without mentioning the big hammerhead by name? Because I'm pretty sure it's not Garz the Sholz.

Pheia trying to reason with a zealot, god bless.

Matteo is so funny, he cracks me up.

Omg! The guy said Sea, when Pheia asked if there is smth that the roles protect? I thought he said Si. 😂😂

I love that both Pheia and Todd notice different small important things based on their type.

It seems unsafe to smoke with a shotgun on your lap? But I know nothing about guns, so this might be nonsense.

Wait wait. Now Dallas is all of a sudden not blaming Endron but the sharks for the gill growing?? I thought he said they fought against Endron before? Am I being too accepting of shark shifters? Sentences I never thought I'd say.

Tylenol, Pheia? That's almost as unexpected as the emu ointment.

Ohh Todd accidentally letting kid slip out and quickly correcting it to person!

Huh wow I've been wrongly blaming Endron for Griggs's death. I thought they put the gills on him.

Ohh Todd thinks it's a squid parasite? Interesting.

Aww it kind of felt like they were brushing Pheia off in the end when she said try it on someone you care about. I hope she puts her foot down a little.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I need a miles stress ball where when you squeeze him his eyes bulge out

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

I love Pheia's t-shirts.

Pheia lore dump!!!!

Todd just ready to kill a kid monster for breaking some pinkies. 😂 Like dude there are 'normal' kids that do this, you're gonna kill them too? Like try talking first or something? 😂

Todd lore drop!

Demon mention! 👀

Todd is getting stalked by a crypto zoology magazine? That's fun.

Todd and Pheia getting into trouble, becaus wit wasn't specified that it wasn't allowed.

Pheia's inventory just has shaking my head quietly while listening.

Yes let's just turn this into reading our inventory. That is interesting!

You trying to run a horror game or whorer game, Rob?? 😂

Nat just fearing her eyes, enjoying herself while waiting. Flirting like crazy.

NAT! COME ON! Your full gouvernement name?!? Inside of a building and cooperation you know is evil?!? I don't care how horny you are, that's bad practice! I might actually be on Todd's side. 😂

Matteo!!! I've missed you!

He cracks me up every time, but he is definitely going to die.

John is just so exasperated. And honestly right now that seems pretty valid actually. 😂

When we heard jowl man last episode I was convinced the jowlsound was tentacleness, and now it turns out He is the normal human. Oops.

Wait, they want him to start Monday?? Doesn't he need some special training at least??

Honestly, nothing more realistic than a company spending thousands of dollars to protect some men's fragile masculinity.

You waive all liability for maiming, injury, and death? That doesn't seem legal!

Damn he needs to sign immediately??

For once it's not Garrett rolling a Garrett roll, 3 ones damn.

70% is normal humans? I still feel that is kind of low. 😂 Weird lumps? Yuk.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Is it me or does Robs' second while I weep kind of has the same tone as Garrett's Cumming! At some point?

I love the idea of old people just dropping off baked goods and food.

Lmaoo can you imagine hunting with an old lady named Fanny? That's be so funny.

Also isn't it illegal to smoke at gas stations? Like with the gasoline and all? That doesn't seem safe.

Todd pointing out that they're all doing a bad job being private. 😂 Because he is right, they're doing a bad job.

Emu oil??? Like the bird???

Todd! 😂 accept the emu oil!!!

Pheia is the best🥰 oddball bb girl.

Fishman is not really scientific, Todd! Wereshark or shapesharker/sharkshifter.

Dallas, dude, what you gonna tell your therapist? You killed your dead friend because he wanted to kill his baby out of misguided revenge?

Todd talking about his contacts like it's a grown up adult instead of a 15 year old boy with adhd.

There is such a clear divide between the haggard, cynical hunters who've been doing this longer and the newbies. It's very adorable.

I still can't believe we have another Gary that is an ex of Erika's character, who definitely is gonna die/go evil.

Todd is going full teacher mode when he realises how newborn Dallas really is.

"What do you go by Todd?" "Todd" 😂😂😂 Rebecca is so funny.

What if it was the chief football team though? And they were all hunters? 😂

This is elder milleniaks talking to gen z'ers about Internet safety. Because millenials were drilled with strangers on the Internet are dangerous! And gen z is like if they want to find me they will.

Pheia is This close to starting handing out business cards with her full names, address, place of work and maybe her social security number.

John take the afgans! Pheia makes every situation funnier than it needs to be and I highly appreciate that.

I love researching in rpg because you get all the good and just say you spent hours finding it instead of actually having to spend hours fruitlessly researching.

What the fuck is clean coal???

I'm sorry to this anonymous person, but I feel like a crab the size of your head is not that impressive. Have you seen those deadliest catch crabs???

Sometimes I want to be a fish, but when I hear that there's white sharks there and they also travel to like South Africa, I'm like idk if I could swim that much. Seems like a lot of work.

Okay that's creepy af. Being at 57ft depth and going down hundreds of feet? Fucked up. Definitely connected to what the Todd's kid and his dad came across fishing.

Fuck Endron. They're the worst.

No published data in 3 years? That seems suss.

Wait, wasn't the dad in on this squid thing??? Why doesn't he know what he's talking about all of a sudden? That's weird.

Thank you Rebecca for keeping everyone accountable about telling their flaws and perks!

Aaaaaaah Todd has a dog!!! I love him! 😍

Gary *squinty eyes* we don't trust you.

Ohhhhh relationship drama?? 👀👀👀 Let's hear more about that!

Dallas is an artist?? Wow. That's cool.

EXCUSE ME??? A COCKROACH shifter? I'm sorry but no, no no no. Nope, absolutely not.

It does explain her joy talking about bug monsters.

The president? We already knew this was not a normal job opportunity talk, but now we know it even more.

Yes Nat! Get that unnatural beautiful booty! (appearance spec: gay. Flawless 😂)

God this man is creepy, Kleeg? God I really thought I had the days of name spelling horror behind me. 😂

I LOVE hearing all the flaws and merrits!!!

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Oh yes the classic kill list joke. That makes me think there is an underground comedy club out there for roths (and maybe other supernatural beings) and they make awful awful jokes.

So now is the question did Grigs zone out because of Roth reasons, or because of evil corporation reasons.

A dead person saying spiders are unnatural. 😂

This conversation is cracking me up. Also spiders are fine, but I draw the line at insect monsters.

I'm gonna miss Griggs, he's pretty funny when he isn't trying to murder his family.

A hunter fraternity? Idk about that.

I just imagine these 2 gritty men, one armed to the teeth and just the cutest bestest girl.

John! Don't you dare break Pheia's spirit!!

Why is it always redeemers vs the world? We need Nat and Pheia to team up against these boys ASAP.

I know John is supposed to be sexy, but he's such a grumpy old man. 😂

I just see a boomer John with a shot gun on his porch, yelling to Rots to stay of his lawn.

Uhoh why do I feel like it's not good that Griggs' suspicion has been flared. But also how did Andrea get Dallas' number?

They are so not a team yet. 😂 No arguing in front of the target! It's the first rule.

I'm sure Dallas could take care of Andrea. 😏😏

I really appreciate the reading of the edge. There is so much new stuff that comes with hunter.

Guys, this is getting really sad. Like I was hoping we'd start with an upper, you know? Some redemption before we send him off into the afterlife.

Is it suicide if you're already dead?

Also I love Dallas. He really seems such a natural. Also I would love to have his confidence in his own choices.

Okay but visionaries are also very cool. Getting to learn all of that.

"You got a lot of vision, but not a lot of tolerance for the dead." lmao 😂

I'd be such a bad hunter. My nerve would not stay with a gunshot.

Todd: stay away from the Rot

Dallas immediately: gets in the rot's face

Todd: DAMNIT

I'm sorry but "sit down and accept your punishment."??? is a little too daddy coded for me. 😂

Don't make this sadder, Rob! Real Griggs screaming "get them off me!" 😭

Of course he could use some comfort in these moments. 😭😭😭

Remember when Wynn just sliced through a bunch of rots? That was a happier time 😭

A head stomp??? That is Gruesome.

Poor Dallas, brutally killing your friend must be Rough.

The gunshots jumpscare me every time fuck.

You know the episode ended with a downer when you wistfully think about the spider conversation and how funny that was.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Thank god I was outside, because I sprayed water laughing when I heard that quote. I'm almost 100% sure that was also used in one of the twilight books, and teenage me thought it was so deep. 😂

Oh my God Mimi is such a cute name!

Wait what work does Andrea do that you can just have 3 month baby on the shift? Also that sounds hellish, to have to do your job and take care of your baby at the same time.

Also such a red flag that fake Dave waw super involved with the baby. That baby gonna have weird pupils.

Ewwwww "yeah, I'll be there" that was so ominous. 😭 That was bad.

Why is a single human tooth so much horrifying than a bloodbath???

Dallas Just getting a tooth collection?

When we learned that Pheia worked in a museum, I had such a different image in mind than this 😂 I thought she was like a curator or smth. But this is fun.

Uhoh where is Gary? I thought he was gonna take over?

Margaret doesn't know what's going on? Isn't it kind of obvious? She's sick as hell!

Aw okay, nvm that's sweet Margaret covering. I'm sorry I yelled.

It's crazy that they want can fire you for being sick and missing work.

Wow I am back to thinking Margaret is a bitch. Why would anyone making these health problems up???

I keep having to remind myself that Pheia and Gary are not exes.

I was Gary when I was super depressed and my house was a literal dump. I refused to let anyone inside, making up anything so they wouldn't come in.

Closing the door on her and still muttering thanks for your concern through the closed door. 😂

That laugh of Dave 😂😂😂😂 truly horrifying.

He's not breathing? He's dead? He's one of those thingies wear a ghost goes into a corpse? A vampire? Oh no he's in the sun.

Leave that baby alone!!!

I don't think the sharks did it. That makes no sense to me? Sharks don't have gill making powers.

To be fair, if I was Dave I would also think the sharks did it. Because the idea of shark people is crazy and it makes sense that they'd be the bad guys.

Noooooo he wants to kill Andrea and the baby??? That's so sad!!! 😭

This is all so sad and tragic. 😭

I know you're trying Dave, but I don't know if killing anything is gonna help you hold on to your humanity.

Yeah you did, Andrea! No one is gonna keep you out of the loop!

I can't wait for the gang to meet Todd!

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[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

How did I only just now the music is made by someone named Goncharov? I just keep thinking of the Gonchsrov fake film tumblr craze. 😂

I know it is the entire point, but the fact that everything is so vague would drive me crazy if I was in that universe. Let me be a vampire, at least the rules and disciplines and stuff are clear and everyone knows it. So you can know if you do stuff right or wrong.

What??? Gill boy is alive and working??? Nah that's a clone or something. Or brainwashed.

Dallas, such a sweetheart. 🥺🥺

John is just like yeah sorry Dallas write your friend off he's not in there anymore. That's life. And Nat is like wow wow not so fast, he could still be in there.

Family drama? I imediately see a shark family reality soap happening called shark tales.

How different this story could have gone if we had a bunch of avengers there instead of innocent/redeemer. 😂

Todd manilla folder as a name in a frantic voice? 😂 Amazing.

Todd's freaked out energy is so good and different from his class I'm the chill gyt who knows what's going on energy.

Wait what? A doctor with a doctor bag in a hospital? That's hella suspicious. I don't trust that doctor.

Brackish water? Called it!! That doctor can't be trusted.

Lmao Todd fighting a baby octopus with human eyes while being in the hospital after a car crash. 😂 He truly pulled the short end of the stick.

Not the point but I still think it's dumb that agrevated damage is worse than lethal damage.

No their beaks are so gross!!! Not to the skull!

I need to pray?!? 😂

Trying to casually ward by seeming completely unhinged is hilarious.

"I didn't want to make it weird." sir, mission failed. 😂

"No really, it's sweat, I promise." truly one of the worst things a nurse can hear from their patient.

So lesbians are John's interaction kryptonite?

A man, dramatic when hurt/sick??? What a 'rare' specimen 😂😂😂

John is so evenkeeled about anything that happens to him. He just accepts the reality, and tries to be useful. I love it!

Tip for the next time you steal a prespelcription pad. You can better steal half, because then they won't miss the pad itself.

Organ failure? Nah maybe a punctured lung, I mean brain damage is def possible though.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Hi hi, I know I'm late and that people have been desperate for my incoherent thoughts about this podcast. 😂 So here we go.

Episode 2

I really like Matteo. I don't know what his deal is exactly, but I like him.

I know it was said we wouldn't get mermaids, but is he a mermaid?

Is he one of those opposite sharkcentaurs (shark top human bottom non NSFW obv) that we saw in the first episode?

He got so angry all he could do was swim? I feel like a lot of human men could take a page out of his book considering anger management.

Honestly the swallowing thing would be a great solution for when we have to wear those stupid trousers and skirts/dresses without pockets.

Nat is so chill with it all. That's a good vibe. 💖

Grey sweatpants 😂

I love the music so much, it has that perfect vibe.

I love John, he feels like that little over middle aged teacher who is just exhausted from having to guide teenagers on the right path. But he is too good at it to stop, but every summer when a new group of kids start his class he let's out the weariest sigh before he goes to do his thing.

Also I do not blame Pheia at all for having no idea how to do this. I get the reason for vagueness, but that's hard to deal with. 😂

Nat and Pheia already ganging up on John. Yes please!

Not smoking again???? 😂

All these people giving their real names is so funny to me.

Dallas's imbuing was so messy when he sums it up like that. Goddamn.

I like this talk, I'm guiding and explaining stuff to Dallas they're introducing stuff to us as well.

John is the mom 😭

He's..... Unhinged. 😂 That would be fun, Dallas just go full troll on witness1

You can tell Jarrett is an artist because he knows how annoyed artists get when people get their area of expertise wrong.

School efficiency? Yikes. Running schools more like a private business? 🚨🚨🚨

I was afraid we weren't gonna get Todd this episode, but he's here!

The surprise in Lex's voice when he has to roll a drive check.

I've never understood the point of causing a car accident, because won't it hurt you very bad as well?

No Todd is unconscious??? And hurt???? He's taking the weird octopus pictures??? I mean you can say what you want, but these bad guys are not subtle. Omg.

Thank fuck for the outtakes where we get told he will be fine in a day and a half.