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[myfirstlife]

Spotify has Spotify wrapped and TikTok now has a dating wrapped trend but there's only one wrapped that mattered to me...so I went back in time for my very own 2022 Korean drama wrapped.

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS86T6CSF/

[myfirstlife]

Injustice at the hands of justice

Rookie Cops (episodes 1 - 3)

When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.

If the title of the show was not a giveaway, Rookie Cops is a coming-of-age story about students of the 47th class of the Korean National Police University (KNPU) who are studying to becoming police officers. 

Before I begin, as a disclaimer, I simply wish to comment about what I had watched from this show, noting that I have no knowledge of the accuracy of its representation of KNPU.

Eun-kang (played by Chae Soo-bin) and Wi Seung-hyun (played by Kang Daniel in his debut acting role) first meet as civilians when the upright Seung-hyun is shown helping his friend with a love problem. Seung-hyun, a proud son of a police officer, is shown as a person who cannot help himself but to speak up when he sees someone treated unfairly, such as his friend who had been misled by his ex-girlfriend. Eun-kang, meanwhile, is loud and courageous and steps in to defend her sister who was being accused of taking advantage of men. The two don’t expect to meet again, and Eun-kang faces a rejection letter from KNPU.

Meanwhile Seung-hyun and his peers attend Cheongram Education, a two-week, cutthroat, military-style orientation that freshmen students must first undergo before being enrolled into KNPU.

Students are asked to surrender any personal items including mobile phones, they are told to reply only with the words “Yes, sir”, “Sorry, sir” and “I’ll get it right, sir”, and we get montage scenes of the students undergoing intense physical training without any breaks. Any wrongdoing or failure to meet the standards of the trainers is punished through more physical training. 

For the Cheongram Education Training Corp, inflicting punishment on their underclassmen just like how they were punished by their upperclassmen was the normal. Just like how the students of Class 47 are forced to follow the rules placed by the Training Corp, the Training Corp are also forced by tradition to push their underclassmen through the hardest ordeals so the students can one day be suitable to protect the citizens.

But one of the students of Class 47 could not complete her punishment due to feeling ill and Seung-hyun, who could not continue to watch his classmate’s suffering, speaks up against the Chief Trainer about his classmate’s wellbeing. 

Then who protects us when we're sick?

Later, the student drops out not being able to bear the rigorous training, which becomes the stepping stone for Go Eun-kang to enter into KNPU, without knowing what she is getting into.

For Eun-kang, the only motivation for her to get into KNPU is to follow the footsteps of her first love, an upperclassman at KNPU. She is wide-eyed and excited to be accepted and become a university student in the same place as her first love, not knowing what her classmates already know of about Cheongram Education.

Eun-kang would only fully realise the extent of Cheongram Education at the end of her first class, when the trainers ask everyone who had dozed off during the class to stand up and admit their mistake. Instead of complying when a trainer calls her out, Eun-kang instead defends herself to the trainer that while she had been sleepy (not because of the class but the fact that she couldn’t sleep the night before due to her excitement), she had not dozed off and instead pinched herself throughout to stay awake. 

Eun-kang, along with her classmates who are being punished, are beaten with a baseball bat. But even as she takes in the beating, Eun-kang still speaks out that she had not deserved the punishment.

Eun-kang gets into further disrepute with her upperclassmen when, while undergoing physical training, she is accused of secretly filming students being beaten by the Training Corp. Eun-kang’s denial falls on deaf ears and she is sent to detention until the disciplinary committee makes a decision to expel her from school.

But Eun-kang, knowing that she is a victim of injustice for the second time, seeks out the truth and reveals the real student who owned the spy cam, her classmate and roommate, Ki Han-na (played by Park Yoo-na). But for Han-na, instead of expulsion, she is given just 3 months’ probation. Even if she is no longer facing the accusation, Eun-kang feels unjustly treated due to the difference in the punishment.

But even if Eun-kang disliked the light punishment Han-na received, she sympathised with Han-na as Han-na is given extra punishment as a “lesson” by the Training Corp in front of her classmates to the extent of injuring her leg and collapsing. Eun-kang disregards the proper procedures and goes straight to the dean of the school to voice her complaints about the Training Corp.

Beatings don't make us into great police officers.

As the whole Class 47 undergo punishment for Eun-kang’s actions, Eun-kang and Seung-hyun refuses to accept punishment, reminding their upperclassmen the oath that all KNPU students made.

I affirm that I will be an honest and honourable KNPU student who will not give in to injustice.

These episodes of Rookie Cops are a startling acknowledgement of injustice where society should least expect injustice.

The institution of police was created to be the enforcer of law and justice and the protector of people. But for Class 47 who will one day bear the power to enforce justice, the unwritten rules created by the tradition of Cheongram Education forces them to first feel the wrath of injustice at the hands of their upperclassmen who were also once forced to suffer the same when they were starting out. 

The members of the Training Corp were not the villains. They were simply enforcing the law of Cheongram Education which had taught generations of police officers to inflict punishment on their subordinates without listening to the subordinate’s defence, and to accept punishment from their superior even if unjustified.

In this never ending cycle of inflicting harsh punishment without allowing the underclassmen to speak up for themselves, are these future police officers really learning how to protect the justice that created their institution? Or are they instead just reinforcing the learnt trauma and handing it down to their successors?

If not for Eun-kang who had been set up multiple times to receive punishment for something she had not done and refused to receive unjustified punishment, and Seung-hyun who refused to blindly comply with the traditions of Cheongram Education - the students of Class 47 would have continued the never ending cycle. But while Eun-kang and Seung-hyun may have led the resistance against Cheongram Education, they alone would not have been enough to create change if the rest of Class 47 did not stand up and stand by them.

[myfirstlife]

The bird with clipped wings

Moon Embracing the Sun (episodes 1 - 20)

Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have.

Which love is stronger? The one you fight for or the one you give way for? Is love a contest to be won?

While Moon Embracing the Sun is a period drama about the love story between the Crown Prince (later, King) and his first love who were tragically separated by forces beyond their control, there was another tragic love story in the background of this show that caught my attention (and perhaps, it caught my attention because of the irony or because it was frustratingly agonising).

Yoo Heom (played by Im Si-wan, later Song Jae-hee), was the epitome of brilliance as a top-ranking scholar who becomes tutor to the Crown Prince. However, despite his brilliance, Heom was doomed, unable to reach his true potential and unable to recognise the person he has been searching for due to his blissful ignorance of things outside of books and knowledge. Yoo Heom was the brilliant scholar who had no idea.

Unbeknownst to Heom, he attracted the sights of the childishly innocent and pampered Princess Minhwa (played by Jin Ji-hee, later Nam Bo-ra). However, Minhwa’s love was meant to be unrequited as her wishes to marry Heom fell on deaf ears. The King knew that he could never fulfill the wishes of his beloved daughter, as doing so would clip the wings of Heom and prevent him from becoming a loyal advisor to the Crown Prince. The King, who wanted his only daughter to be happy, ignored her tears without realising the desperation of Princess Minhwa.

But Minhwa’s youthful naivety would be taken advantage of. Her pure love for Heom was used as a weapon to hurt Heom and the people he loved. Her love for him became the reason for the death of Heom’s only sister and the fall from grace of the Yoo family. Princess Minhwa got the one thing she wished for, to be married to Heom, at the cost of lives. And in the course of fulfilling her love for him, Minhwa kept a great secret from him.

Seol (played by Seo Ji-hee, later Yoon Seung-ah) is a servant of the Heom family, responsible for caring for Heom’s younger sister who considered Seol her own family. But not only did Seol love her young mistress who treated her like an equal, she also admired from afar the young master who gave Seol her name and treated her with gentleness and kindness. Seol knew her admiration could never result in love because the difference between the two was too great. Instead of yearning for her young master, Seol did the only thing she could do - follow his wishes to protect his younger sister even in her death. And in the course of fulfilling his wish to protect his sister, Seol kept a great secret from him.

For the duration of 13 years, Heom remained ignorant to secrets that were kept from him. Meanwhile, Minhwa kept her secret from her husband in fear that Heom would leave her if her secret was revealed; and Seol continued to watch her former young master from afar while keeping her secret, knowing that revealing the secret would endanger the person Heom asked her to protect.

It was only after Minhwa watched her husband cry over his younger sister’s death that she realised what her love for him cost him. However, despite it all, Minhwa did not regret her choices knowing that her choice led to her love. Minhwa fought for her love, even if it meant destroying others. For Minhwa, the end justified the means.

On the other hand, Seol watched her young master grieve his sister’s death, unknown to him that the person he mourned is alive. She couldn’t comfort him with the truth, in order to keep her promise to him. And at the end of it all, Seol sacrificed her own life for Heom’s happiness, even if she knew such sacrifice could never result in her love being fulfilled. For Seol, her last regret was that she couldn't fulfill her promise to Heom to protect his beloved sister until the end.

Was Princess Min-hwa’s love stronger because she fought for it? Or was it less true because she fought at the expense of those she should have cared for?

Was Seol’s love stronger because she protected him from afar? Or was it less true because she gave way instead of fighting?

I do not think there is an answer. Minhwa and Seol are opposite sides of the same coin. Princess Minhwa and Seol chose to love the same person in different ways and in the end, they loved without regret.

[myfirstlife]

I hate this show for breaking my soul.

- - - - -

K-drama OST: Friend by Kim Heewon (from Snowdrop) Maybe it's because you're a little sad when you smile My heart is empty because I don't know everything If one day you suddenly come to visit me again I will write a clumsy letter here Let's hold hands and follow the road To the other side of the world, wherever our eyes reach Come, walk with me, leaving dark footprints behind I meet you at the place I dreamed of every night with you my friend I can't explain all my feelings to you The reason why I can't count the countless stars That's it Come, walk with me, wherever our eyes reach Let's follow the road to the other side of the world So, walk with me leaving dark footprints behind I meet you at the place I dreamed of every night with you with you I'm not sad about the yesterdays That left like they were running away My neatly scattered heart I can leave it at any time Promise I will always be your friend

- - - - -

Lyrics from: https://genius.com/Genius-english-translations-kim-hee-won-friend-english-translation-lyrics

[myfirstlife]

as long as no one knows, it’s not a big deal.

then you will be scared until someone knows. who knows? who else knows? every time you meet someone, you will wonder, when will this person know? does this person already know? sometimes, I want to save myself the anxiety by displaying it on a digital screen for the world to find out.

[myfirstlife]

This show is too cute and so is this song.

- - - - -

K-drama OST: Story of Us by Jo Yuri (from Monthly Magazine Home)

Ooh-whoa Hey, yeah-yeah-yeah

You make me much better when you're here I'm lucky when I'm in your atmosphere Every little move you do Every little thing you say It saves me from falling much deeper

I lay down my head on your shoulder And think if I could always be like this I breathe in your scent and I don't dare to blink If we could always be like this

Just listen here we are again Through the fire, through the rain The roads we crossed, they built story of us Here we are again and I still feel the same You and I, we write the story of us

Sway with me like a firefly Stay with me 'til the day I die Write the story of us Sway with me like a firefly Stay with me 'til the day I die Write the story of us

Don't fail me That's my biggest fear Keep sailing on waves of love, my dear Nobody can make me feel Anything like you, so real You save me from falling much deeper

I lay down my head on your shoulder And think if I could always be like this I breathe in your scent and I don't dare to blink If we could always be like this

Just listen, here we are again Through the fire, through the rain The roads we crossed, they built story of us Here we are again and I still feel the same You and I, we write the story of us

Sway with me like a firefly Stay with me 'til the day I die Write the story of us Sway with me like a firefly Stay with me 'til the day I die Write the story of us

Hold me, don't let go We've been scarred, broken hearts But they made us much stronger You and I

Sway with me like a firefly (Stay with me) 'til the day I die (Write the story) of us Sway with me like a firefly Stay with me 'til the day I die Write the story of us

Just listen here we are again (here we are again) Through the fire, through the rain (fire through the rain) The roads we crossed, they built story of us Here we are again (here we are again) and I still feel the same You and I, we write the story of us

Sway with me like a firefly Stay with me 'til the day I die Write the story of us

- - - - -

Lyrics from: https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/JO-YURI-1/STORY-OF-US

[myfirstlife]

I started a playlist of my favourite Korean drama OSTs...(p.s. 98% of them make me feel my feelings 🥲)

[myfirstlife]

I still get goosebumps from this song and this show...

- - - - -

K-drama OST: Feel You by Shin Yong Jae (from Flower of Evil)

I still remember Like the path of the stars in the night sky You were shining Without any direction Wandering through the dry air You came to me 

Perhaps it's a wrong choice, I don't know I'm just sorry Although I don't know where this story will end I have to go 

I feel you, it feels like a destiny Even if it's dangerous, even if it's hard I will not let this breath go, every moment it runs out For you 

I feel you, even in the middle of a rough storm Please don't be afraid Like this, I will not stop going to you So I can protect you 

I will not regret Going inside this lie even if it’s just the same wound Loving you was my reason of living That was all 

I hope the passing wind carries this heart And delivers it In my world without the sun and moon, only you Make this flower blooms 

I feel you, it feels like a destiny Even if it's dangerous, even if it's hard I will not let this breath go, every moment it runs out For you

I feel you, even in the middle of a rough storm Please don't be afraid Like this, I will not stop going to you So I can protect you

- - - - -

English translation sourced from: https://lyricstranslate.com/en/feel-you-feel-you.html-0

[myfirstlife]

Not everything broken can be mended

The Third Charm (episode 9)

Some broken things you can’t mend. Some you have to put together very slowly piece by fragile piece, waiting until the last bit of work is strong enough before you try the next.

The Third Charm depicts the very real relationship between Oh Joon-young (Seo Kang-joon) and Lee Young-jae (Esom) spanning 12 years.

I never heard of this show until Netflix began to recommend it to me and I became interested when I recognised Esom as the main lead. I’ve only seen Esom in her supporting role in Because This Is My First Life and I found her character as strong but charming so I naturally wanted to see more sides from her.

While the start was a bit weak, I found the show to slowly pull me in as it dives deep into how the relationship between the two began 7 years ago and how it ended after one day.

Joon-young and Young-jae, affected by their one-day relationship in their 20s, meet again 6 years and 11 months later. Their reconnection makes them realise how they both suffered and how much of their unfinished love is still waiting to continue.

But The Third Charm isn’t the typical opposites attract Korean show that we’re used to. It’s not about enemies turning to lovers or overcoming the external obstacles of people opposing their relationship. Instead it shows the realness that happens within the people in the relationship. Because sometimes love isn't tested by a parent of a conglomerate heir offering you money in exchange of disappearing, sometimes it's tested within.

The first misunderstanding between the couple was after Joon-young became jealous after thinking that Young-jae had lied to him to meet another man (Choi Ho-cheol). But their first fight is when Joon-young distanced himself because of his insecurity. Joon-young’s behaviour wasn’t because of jealousy or petty-mindedness, it was him being angry (perhaps even disappointed) at himself because he wasn’t the one who saved Young-jae. And from there, cracks begin to emerge in their relationship.

Honestly, I almost gave up because I was so frustrated watching the two of them continue their stubbornness. But their inability to put away their pride and apologise is the true nature of what happens when two different people come together. While it is easy to say that relationships require compromise and communication and fighting for it - it is not alway easy to do.

To be honest, I am not sure whether I believe in the common saying that you could meet the right person at the wrong time. After all, how could they be the right person if neither of you are able to make it the right time? But this show made me falter on those ideas.

It is undeniable that Joon-young and Young-jae were attracted to each other in their 20s and were forced apart by Young-jae’s family circumstances. It is also undeniable that their love was mutual when they met again almost 7 years later. And I recall constantly thinking to myself throughout this show, “why is love not enough?”. How can two people love each other but their love not be enough to keep them together?

This concept of “right person at the wrong time” is thrown at us obviously in this episode. After longing to see the other and wanting to reconcile, Joon-young escapes from the hospital to head to Young-jae’s house, while Young-jae leaves her house in a hurry to visit Joon-young in the hospital. And once they realise they missed each other, it is Joon-young who insists on going to where Young-jae is.

After reconciling, the two join Young-jae’s workmates for a volunteering program outside of town, being their first trip together.

Their visit to the countryside allows Joon-young to share his modest dreams of living a quiet life in the country, working at a small police station while Young-jae works at a small hair salon. However, Young-jae who has worked hard all her life to get out of her poor life has more ambition than that and wants to work hard in the city. And again, their inability to compromise is evident as Joon-young dismisses his modest dreams to put Young-jae’s dreams ahead. Just like the hospital scene, it is Joon-young who goes to where Young-jae is.

Instead of having fun with the rest of the volunteer program, Joon-young becomes preoccupied with fixing a broken radio. Joon-young, who has always been competent and capable, is desperate to fix the radio because the radio has become a representation of their relationship. What once was a relationship that produced beautiful sounds, has become worn and broken by the personal insecurities they each held.

Perhaps if the radio can be as it used to be, their relationship can also return to how it was at the start. But while Joon-young keeps trying to bring back what once was, Yeong-jae will remain feeling apologetic and guilty for the sacrifices and efforts he makes to go to where she is.

On a side note, I have watched a few of Seo Kang-joon’s dramas and his eyes are so beautiful, yet they always seem to be ready to cry. If anybody is a personification of the ability to cry on demand, it is Seo Kang-joon and his eyes.

[myfirstlife]

A first love that was never meant to be the last

Start-Up (episodes 1 - 16)

One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love.

As I started Start-Up, I couldn’t help but notice how much hate was thrown at the first male lead in my social media and the overwhelming preference over the second male lead and I was very curious as to why. Unlike my other posts which focused on one or two episodes (or aspects) of the show, I started writing this post in my head with the intent to finish the entire show before fully making up my mind about the characters.

The first episode could not have set out a better story of first love between the young and lonely Seo Dal-mi (Heo Jung-eun, later portrayed by Bae Suzy) and the young and broken Han Ji-pyeong (Nam Da-reum, later portrayed by Kim Seon-ho). Except, Seo Dal-mi was unaware of the fact that her first love is an orphan and was made to think it was an intelligent boy, living a perfect life, named Nam Do-san. From the very first episode, you can see how the writers have tried to make the audience fall in love with Han Ji-pyeong, a sensitive, “good boy” who was alone in life.

But every episode afterward made me fall in love with the real Nam Do-san (Nam Joo-hyuk). While young Han Ji-pyeong caught my attention in the first episode, it was Nam Do-san who held it for the rest of the show.

Do-san had lived the fear that most, if not all, young people feel (most certainly, what I feel). Do-san constantly faced the fear and the anxiety of being a disappointment to his family. He felt as if he had reached his peak as a young student when he became the youngest winner of the math olympiad. But with that achievement came the overwhelming feeling of not having deserved the title and not being able to achieve anything greater afterwards. Do-san’s fear of failure extends to his company and his friends, as he feels like the reason why their company could not succeed and that he has failed his friends who worked alongside him for the past 3 years. Do-san’s tears and emotions throughout the start of the show were easy to empathise with, if not to relate with.

On the other hand, Ji-pyeong who was lost and had come from nothing as an orphan met his fortune when he realised his potential as an investor. However, Ji-pyeong’s talents would have come to nothing if halmoni Choi Won-deok (played by everybody’s halmoni, Kim Hae-sook) had not extended kindness and trust towards him. After reaching success, with an expensive car and an apartment overlooking the Han River, Ji-pyeong had forgotten where he had come from. Upon meeting Do-san and the rest of Samsan Tech in their dark, rundown rooftop office, Ji-pyeong looked down at Do-san and Samsan Tech. He belittled Do-san’s dreams and tries to pay Do-san off with money in exchange for a favour. Ji-pyeong, rather than paying the kindness he received forward onto a set of young entrepreneurs trying to find their way, pushes them further down with his harsh words.

Ji-pyeong showed a tendency of looking down on those he thought were beneath him. Taking the lesson from halmoni for granted, Ji-pyeong only spoke dismissive words to his subordinate, Park Dong-chun, and belittling words to Do-san, Chul-san and Yong-san of Samsan Tech. A great contrast to his way of speaking towards those he looked up to or halmoni who he owed a great favour to or Dal-mi who he had feelings for. His disregard of Samsan Tech is even more obvious when he deems Do-san as not good enough. Ji-pyeong had extended the lie by dressing Do-san in a suit, having him drive a convertible car and lending him an apartment with the view of the Han River. Perhaps Ji-pyeong had perceived Dal-mi as simple and needed Do-san to be rich and successful to be worthy of Dal-mi. But Dal-mi never asked for Do-san to be a hotshot CEO, all she had wanted was for him to be real and to find him.

And while Ji-pyeong was stuck in his standard of success, Dal-mi and Do-san were changing and learning from each other. Dal-mi had inspired Do-san to become more ambitious and even if it was a lie (to an extent), it was Do-san who had inspired Dal-mi to leave her comfort zone and reach for the “top floor”. They became tougher and more carefree (or in Dal-mi’s case, more careful) together.

As Do-san’s feelings for Dal-mi grew, the feeling of guilt over lying to her was slowly growing inside of him. The insecurity within him that Dal-mi liked only the version of him in the letters rather than the real him was becoming overwhelming. His mother’s words that the most hurtful thing was not knowing about him rather than what he did burned in his mind as Do-san resolved to tell Dal-mi the truth.  

While Do-san felt inferior to Ji-pyeong, the feeling was mutual as Ji-pyeong felt inferior to Do-san. While coming to the decision to tell Dal-mi the truth, Ji-pyeong’s memories flashed with his jealousy over Do-san. It was the memories of the first time Do-san walked into Dal-mi’s life at the party, Do-san and Dal-mi laughing together at the rooftop, Do-san walking in as Dal-mi questioned Ji-pyeong and Do-san going on a trip with Dal-mi and halmoni that triggered Ji-pyeong’s realisation of his feelings and the burning desire to tell Dal-mi the truth.

Do-san looked for Dal-mi after reading her letter. Do-san fell in love with the Dal-mi that was in front of him. But for 15 years while holding onto her letters, Ji-pyeong never looked for Dal-mi. And I question whether he would have realised or acted on his feelings for Dal-mi if the real Do-san never came into the scene.

Ji-pyeong was the perfect first love for Dal-mi. But after 15 years (and then 3 more years), Dal-mi and Ji-pyeong were not the same people who had written letters to each other through the birdhouse. The young kids from the letters no longer existed and for that, Dal-mi and Ji-pyeong’s first loves were not meant to be their last love.

[myfirstlife]

Every song from this show deserves a shout out.

- - - - -

K-drama OST: Flower by Yoon Mi-rae (from Crash Landing On You)

On the street I was walking on  I saw a flower, smaller than my hand Just like my eyes going to it My heart goes to your slight trembles

What if you fall when it rains  What if you freeze when it snows So I'm worried about you And I'm worried about you

I'm not used to pretty words like that Although I've never given them to you

My heart was always yours My worry is always on you always, your way I'll always be facing you

If I was truly happy That was because you were there always Don't forget, I'm here

You came to me With the wind that blew from somewhere You were planted in my heart As a small seed

I'll be the sunlight To shine on you every day I'll take care of you As I water my heart

My heart was always yours My worry is always on you always, your way I'll always be facing you

If I was truly happy That was because you were there always Don't forget, I'm here

Without me I feel like you will wither away So I don't wanna leave you alone

Even if the blossom and withering is just a moment Even in that moment I'll be with you

My heart was always yours My worry is always on you always, your way I'll always be facing you

If I was truly happy That was because you were there always Don't forget, I'm here

- - - - -

English translation sourced from: Yoonmirae (윤미래) - Flower Lyrics

[myfirstlife]

The one who bears the most power can protect the least

Moon Embracing the Sun (episodes 1 - 20)

This show was the stepping stone for me in watching period dramas and supernatural themes. I used to fear that the application of historical ideologies might turn me off period dramas, and supernatural themes may come off as awkward and cringe-worthy. However, my concerns quickly disappeared. Moon Embracing the Sun brought to life so many strong female characters and the supernatural themes were all necessary to the plot and delivered well. The characters were complex and dimensional and while the plot is primarily heavy, comic interactions between certain relationships ensured a good balance to allow audiences to breathe. But I think the highlight of the show for me were the younger counterparts of the main characters who were all so captivating to watch and since then, have grown as actress/ors with their own shows.

But this post is not about any of the above (although, I could dedicate a post to the strong female characters because good or evil, they are worth talking about). 

Moon Embracing the Sun is, of course, a period drama revolving around a love story and a political war against the backdrop of the Joseon dynasty. But I want to put focus this time on those who are perceived to be the most powerful, despite actually being the most vulnerable.

King Sung-jo (played by Ahn Nae-sung) was a wise king who greatly loved his family. However, despite holding the most powerful position in Joseon, King Sung-joo was powerless when it came to his own family. 

From the very first episode, the brother’s king is murdered and wrongfully accused of treason against the king. However, despite King Sung-jo knowing that he wasn’t betrayed by his brother, he was forced to stay silent as his brother’s honour is destroyed and his brother’s lover is tortured and executed. As king, Sung-jo is burdened by the need to protect his throne in order to fulfill his duties to his nation. And with that obligation comes the burden of protecting the Queen Dowager’s dark secret even if it came at a price of his brother’s honour. 

12 years later, King Sung-jo did not have the power to intervene with the selection of his son’s future betrothed even when he knew that the selection was manipulated by those who wanted to take control. Only with the power given to him by the Sungkyunkwan scholars was he enabled to be able to control the selections to ensure that only the rightful person would become the Crown Princess. But when the rightful Crown Princess Heo Yeon-woo (Kim Yoo-jung) was dishonourably removed from the palace due to the selfish schemes of the Queen Dowager, King Sung-jo once again turned a blind eye, even when he knew that his feigning of ignorance effectively sacrificed the family who has remained loyal to him and sentenced them to live in disgrace. 

The King once again is forced to put his duties to his nation ahead of his desire to protect his son from losing his love, his desire to protect the rightful Crown Princess, and his desire to protect his loyal servants.

But perhaps the most painful from all King Sung-jo lost because of his power, is the loss of his first son, Prince Yang-myung (Lee Tae-ri) . Prince Yang-myung, born first but forever second to his younger half-brother, Lee Hwon, lives to gain his father’s acknowledgment. However, in order for the King to protect his sons and protect Lee Hwon as the future king, King Sung-jo sacrifices his relationship with Yang-myung to ensure stability within the nation he serves.

King Sung-jo protected the dark secrets of his family and made sacrifices until his death because he thought it was the right thing to do to serve his nation.

And King Sung-jo’s powerlessness as the King is reflected onto his successor. As Crown Prince and then King, Lee Hwon (played by Yeo Jin-goo and Kim Soo-hyun) struggles with protecting all those important to him: from his childhood love, the Crown Princess Heo Yeon-woo, his loyal teacher, Scholar Heo Yeom, his brother, Prince Yang-myung, and his new love, Shaman Weol. Instead of holding the power as Crown Prince and King to protect his loved ones, it was they who protected him instead. 

The King, believed to hold the most power in the nation, was instead the most powerless and the ones who sacrificed the most as they bear the weight of their crown.

[myfirstlife]

[myfirstlife]

Blind faith

While You Were Sleeping (episode 1-2)

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.

For some reason, this show wasn’t in my queue of things to watch until I heard and fell in love with one of its OSTs and from there, I was waiting and waiting until this show arrived on Netflix.

Nam Hong-joo (Bae Suzy) has the power to see things that are yet to happen through her dreams. But no matter what she does, she does not have the ability to prevent her nightmares from becoming reality. After all, what power could she have to stop the bad things from happening when no one believes her? 

But when it’s the life of someone she can’t afford to lose that’s on the line, Hong-joo is left with no choice but to try her best from preventing the worst from happening. However, she doesn’t realise that the more she tries to stop it from happening, the more her dream becomes a reality.

Until Jung Jae-chan (Lee Jong-suk) enters her life. Jung Jae-chan watches a girl he barely knows die in his dream. He senses her desperation and sadness. 

Jae-chan believes this stranger girl even though all the evidence point to her as the criminal. But Jae-chan is the only one who can believe her because he’s the only one who knows what it feels like to be blamed for something you didn’t do. His past experiences molded his empathy and when his dream slowly starts to become true, he fights to prevent it from happening. Even if no one believes him, and even if he seems crazy - Jae-chan puts his sanity and his own life in the line to change the future. But who could ever believe Jae-chan when he says that the accident he caused is for the greater good?

Of course, the only person who will be able to believe him is the one who understands him. Only Hong-joo believes Jae-chan because she’s the only one to know how it feels to see things that have not happened and she’s the one who understands what it feels to not be believed.

They say faith is blind but I’m not sure I agree. I think it’s incredibly difficult to have blind faith in others. From what I’ve observed in my limited time on earth, it is more common for us to only believe what we see and what we understand. We are more likely to distrust things beyond our own comprehension. And when we don’t understand others because we don’t understand what they’ve been through, it leads to distrust and anger.

But what if Jae-chan didn’t understand Hong-joo’s sadness? But what if he didn’t believe his dream and went to the piano concert without looking back?

[myfirstlife]

I found this song by random and fell in love with it within seconds of hearing it. 

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K-drama OST: It’s You by Henry (from While You Were Sleeping)

Baby I’m falling head over heels Looking for ways to let you know just how I feel I wish I was holding you by my side I wouldn’t change a thing ‘cause finally it’s real I’m trying to hold back, you oughta know that You’re the one that’s on my mind Falling too fast deeply in love Finding the magic in the colors of you

You’re the right time at the right moment You’re the sunlight, keeps my heart going Oh, know when I’m with you, I can’t keep myself from falling Right time at the right moment It’s you You, it’s you You, it’s you

Baby, I’m falling deeper in love Everything that you are is all I’m dreaming of And if I can break enough to show you that I need us I’d give up everything I have, girl just for you, oh

Trying to hold back, you oughta know that You’re the one that’s on my mind Falling too fast deeply in love Girl, all I need to breathe is you

'Cause you’re the right time at the right moment You’re the sunlight, keeps my heart going Oh, oh, know when I’m with you, I can’t keep myself from falling Right time at the right moment It’s you

Every night in my bed, I’m dreaming That it’s you in my arms, I’m holding Girl all I want is you

You know you’re the right time At the right moment You’re the sunlight, keeps my heart going It’s you

'Cause you’re the right time at the right moment You’re the sunlight, keeps my heart going Oh, oh, I know when I’m with you, I can’t keep myself from falling Right time at the right moment It’s you You (you), it’s you (it’s you) You (come on), it’s you

You (it’s you now), it’s you (it’s you, yeah, yeah) You (you), it’s you

[myfirstlife]

Laughter is the best medicine

Doctors (episodes 13 - 15)

They say that laughter is the best medicine, so how can laughter be an illness?

Instead of focusing on the main characters and the main story, it is the story of the main character’s growth and development from encountering their patients that are the parts of the show that captures its audiences. This episode observed a father, Nam Ba-ram (Namkoong Min) and his struggles as he discovers that both of his young sons have serious illnesses.

Before I start on the actual episode, Namkoong Min is such a versatile actor. I’ve seen him in a few dramas but the one that stood out is his character as an evil antagonist in Remember: War of the Son which is so different from his character in Doctors. I remember hating him so much while watching Remember and also crying so much when it came to his storyline in Doctors.

Nam Ba-ram is introduced as an ordinary guy while delivering food in the hospital. He is a single father of two young children, Nam Hae and Nam Dal, to whom he has close relationships with. Even as they were in the waiting room, Ba-ram is concerned about the symptoms Nam Dal is showing but the cheerfulness of Nam Hae keeps him uplifted.

After Dal’s appointment where Dr Hong (Kim Rae-won) concludes that the symptoms may be related to his brain, Ba-ram is struck with more bad news. After an accidental encounter with Dr Jin (Lee Sung-kyung), Dr Jin suspects that Hae’s laughter is caused by a seizure. Suddenly, the happiness Ba-ram holds on to from Hae’s laughter slips away as both his sons are in danger.

From the beginning, it is obvious that Ba-ram is concerned about the medical bill that will be incurred for his son’s treatment. As a single father, working as a parking agent by day and a driver at night, still carrying debt from his deceased wife’s medical bills, Ba-ram is unable to be with his young sons in the hospital.

After hearing from Dal that their father was earning money, Dr Jin makes the comment to herself that “making money is important, but how can he just leave the kids alone?”. A comment from someone who never knew what it’s like to struggle because of money. Dr Yoon’s (Jung Yoon-do) disappointment at Dr Jin hit like a personal attack as he admits that the reason he could never love her was due to her inability to be considerate towards others.

For Ba-ram and the children, there is nothing they want more than to be at each other’s side at this time. But for Ba-ram, who is working and hounded by creditors and the hospital administration office, he has no choice but to visit his children at the dead of the night. And when called during the day to consent for an emergency operation, the emergency operation is almost stopped as the administration office claims that no further medical treatment can happen until the debt is paid. After Dr Yoo (Park Shin-hye) stepped up as a guarantor to ensure that the operation to save Dal can happen, Ba-ram finds out from the social welfare office that there is nothing that can help him and his sons from their financial burden. Except for an organisation in which Hae and Dal tick all the qualifying boxes except for the fact that they are not orphans.

But despite what Dr Yoon said about people with emotional scars being able to be more considerate, the same can’t be said about Dr Yoo whose emotional scars come from being abandoned.

“Have you ever thought of giving up?... You could live freely without the boys.”

For Dr Yoo who watched her mother give up on life and watched as her father dumped her at the side of the road and drive away when it got too hard, the question was probably just her curiosity. A question that compares her parents against Nam Ba-ram who refuses to give up on his sons.

But Nam Ba-ram did want to give up. Not on his sons, but on himself. Knowing that there was no way out of the crippling debt that was incurred, except for an organisation that only assisted orphan children, he found himself at the top of the building. To Ba-ram, this option was better than his sons being sick, and better than the daily wake-up phone calls from creditors.

“I won’t stop you from dying but explain yourself to your kids before you kill yourself. Tell them it isn’t their fault.”

Dr Yoo’s words explain some of the scars she’s been bearing her whole life. Growing up without her father, Dr Yoo knew that no matter who took care of Hae and Dal, it would not be the same as their own father caring for them. She knew that if Hae and Dal found out why their father died, they would carry the guilt and burden throughout their lives. Dr Yoo understood because that’s how she felt when her own mother ended her life, leaving her with its shadow all her life.

While Dr Yoo’s scars helped heal Ba-ram’s scars, it worked mutually as she saw her own father in Ba-ram.

Both Dr Jin and Dr Yoo being confronted by the situation of Nam Ba-ram took a step back in their own understanding of the world, to give way for their ability to sympathise.

[myfirstlife]

Blood is thicker than water

Doctors (episodes 6 - 8)

Common sayings don’t mean much to me because I never saw the truth in most. And such is what I thought of the phrase ‘blood is thicker than water’ and its interpretation that familial relationships are stronger than friendship. I guess my disbelief of the phrase may have originated from me growing up with Harry Potter and watching him get abused by his blood-relatives and instead, finding his home in Hogwarts with his friends.

To my surprise, a few years back, I found a post that explained the real origin for the saying was actually the polar opposite of how it’s been used. Instead, the complete version is ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’ and I give younger me a pat on the back for my quiet knowing.

These episodes of Doctors show us just that. Yoo Hye-jeong (Park Shin-hye) was introduced as the troubled teenager from the very start. And while we do get some sort of understanding on it from the start, these episodes just makes it clearer how she derailed into the high school student who was ready to throw her future away. Growing up in a household where she was too frightened of coming home to non-stop fighting, Yoo Hye-jeong experienced her first loss as a little girl when her mother killed herself.

Hye-jeong’s upbringing continued downhill as her spite for her father, Yoo Min-ho (Jung Hae-gyun), increased. To young Hye-jeong, her father was the reason for the death of her mother and the person who replaced her mother with another woman. Hye-jeong derailed to a person who does not respond to authority and does not respect anyone, including herself. 

The peak of the animosity between Hye-jung and her own blood, her father, is demonstrated to us in a confronting way in the very first episode. After picking Hye-jeong up from the school in which she was just expelled from, her father parks the car at the side of the bridge and repeatedly strikes her. But to Hye-jeong the striking didn’t cause her pain anymore, it wasn’t anything new to her, and the act doesn’t cause her to shed tears.

But just because the physical abuse didn’t cause her to cry doesn’t mean that Hye-jeong was incapable of it. Hye-jeong screams and cries as she watches her own father abandon her. And just like her mother gave up and left her, she watched her own flesh and blood once again walk away from her, leaving her to the care of her grandmother.

The impact of her parent’s actions only affects her path in life temporarily. For in the short time she was with her grandmother, Hye-jeong rediscovers her desire to turn her life around when she meets her teacher and mentor, Hong Ji-hong (Kim Rae-won), her best friend, Cheon Soon-hee (Moon Ji-in), her tutor, Jin Seo-woo (Lee Sung-kyung), and her saviour, Kim Soo-cheol (Ji Soo).

Her grandmother, Kang Mal-soon (Kim Young-ae), whose short appearance was enough to make us love her and make us feel loved, becomes the reason for her success. But it was the people around her who guided her to her path.

Hong Ji-hong believed in her. Jin Seo-woo showed her what she was capable of. Cheon Soon-hee risked her own life to protect her. Kim Soo-cheol stayed with her during her lowest point.

And 13 years later, when Hye-jeong is no longer the rebellious teenager but a strong and successful doctor, her father’s attempt to return to her life is for naught. After all, when she truly needed him, she found comfort in people she found and chose, rather than the person who is her own flesh and blood.

But the tough and unbending doctor who never backs down from a fight, is like her younger self again, hiding and crying alone, after meeting the father who abandoned her all those years ago.

If anything, Hye-jeong’s story shows the true meaning of the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ in which, the bonds made by choice are more significant than the ones you’ve had no say in.