myhatisblue

[myhatisblue]

No one would believe Mills when he tried to explain how crazy Wiz is. Harris is getting added to their journal, with Brandon Mills and Sneck

hats replied inspired me to quickly doodle something stupid!!!!!!!

idk why i included Harris, Mills needed a friend for safety reasons i guess. I also dunno why they'd actually be getting a ride from Wiz but its also a rlly stupid doodle so its not that deep.

it did make me think bout how wiz's truck interior would look like, probably messy with questionable "probably not blood, right guys?" stains in some spots. and yes those r little daggers and knives stabbed in the passenger seat lol.

Harris and Mills belong 2 @/myhatisblue

[myhatisblue]

scribble

[myhatisblue]

I called this 14, but it's kinda 13.5. It's a conversation that needed to happen but there's not much narrative progress.

When someone says cottage a certain idea pops up into your head… Something rustic, like a small place made of wood logs, with just enough amenities to cover the basics, since it’s really about being in nature isn’t it? Really even that’s just a picture spewed out by movies, and the internet. I didn’t think I’d ever know the kinda person to own a cottage, these days it seems like a rich old person thing. People who got in before prices got fucked, and the idea of owning a second property you only go to a fraction of the year made sense. This on the other hand is a different beast entirely…

This was a goddamn villa, right on the water’s edge, surrounded entirely by a wooden deck, covered in expensive outdoor seating. The over the top-ness continued all around the property. There was a hot tub that was bordering on pool size, and a frankly absurd cooking area. Featuring a huge and expensive looking grill, a smoker, a flattop, an island to prep food with seats on one side for guests to gawk at anyone working, a sink, and of course to top it all off a brick pizza oven.  That wasn’t even getting into the fire pit that had its own list of features to make sure it was usable at any time. 

Every inch of it was from a world I sure as hell had never experienced. Hell cutting down a single tree to make room for one piece of any of this crap was above my pay grade. 

“Harris… What the fuck is all this?”

“Just a tad over the top isn’t it?”

“That is underselling it by about ten digits.”

“Anything that comes out of that factory is the stuff of legends. So when Nora finally got tired of commuting all the time, what was I supposed to say? The budget part wasn’t a concern, and she was doing all the planning.  She was gonna get what she wanted no matter what I said.”

“Why the hell would you even work a job like this?  You could retire a million times over…”

“And what? Be a leech till the day I die?”

“Man, if you’re with a woman with this kinda cash yes! Hell even if she wants you to dance around in a tutu, and play oiled up eye candy why the hell wouldn’t you?!”

He went over to the railing around the deck and leaned on it.

“We purposely keep that part of our lives separate. Even if she’d pay for everything if given the chance, I don’t want to have an excuse to leave.”

I followed and took a spot beside him.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You don’t live this long in the industry, people above 35 are considered fossils. You make enemies, ruin your body, and grind down your mind. Yet no matter how good you get, or what tools are available.. people end up dead, or they turn into something that isn’t human anymore. Getting out is the right answer, everyone knows it.”

“Then what keeps you here?”

“I can still stop people like you from falling off the cliff and becoming something they’ll regret. Or stop you from hurting the innocent if it comes to that. Other people can do that… sure, but they haven’t seen, or done what I have. I know what needs to be done, put enough of you down, and helpped just as many become someone who can help people. It’s what I’m good at, too much is at stake to let myself have a reason to leave.”

“Isn’t Nora already a reason?”

“I met her through this line of work, she knows what’s out there just as well as I do. We just choose to fight it in different ways. We’re both prepared for where this leads, but that doesn’t mean we’ll just let it happen without bringing down hellfire.”

“I’ve gotta ask… How long have you two actually been married?”

“It’ll be 25 years in three months.”

“Holy shit…”

“It’s funny how fast the years pass by, we’ve gotten pretty talented at making it out of tricky situations alive.”

“You’re gonna kick the bucket if you keep talking like that. Shits just begging for bad luck.”

“’I’ve got you to throw to the wolves while I get away. I sure as hell don’t plan on dying any time soon.”

“Still wouldn’t be as bad as what Sneckdraw’s done.”

He stepped away from the rail, and started taking steps towards the house. I lingered where I was a little longer…

“That’s true, but now we reach the less fun part.”

I turned around, about to ask what he meant and found myself staring down the barrel of his revolver. 

“After all of that… Why!?”

“I was being nice since Nora was there, but you left out some parts of your story back in the break room didn’t you.”

His tone, posture practically fucking everything had shifted. That cold look in his eyes said more than words ever could. Shit, I cant tell him, things will get fucking complicated if he knows about what happend. I don’t even know what the fuck any of it means yet.

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” 

“Let me pick the obvious give away, you said Knock’s meat unravelled when it touched you. Letting you somehow speak to the heart of the forge.  We’re missing some pieces here.”

He’s getting too fucking close to the truth. I need to give him something to throw him off… Why the fuck does thinking have to be so goddamn hard when there’s a gun pointed at your head… 

Maybe it won’t kill me… I’ve healed from some crap that should have killed me.  But even if it didn’t it'll knock me out, and let them do whatever the hell they want while I’m down.  I’m already well aware of how bad that can go.

“It just reacted to the meat crap I have going on, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“When it touched you.”

Shit. 

“It was just close enough to set things off.”

“You were just standing beside me Mills, nothing was ‘set off’ then.”

“You’re not the heart of the forge are you? I spent months in upside down hell so normal people wouldn’t set it off anymore.”

He glared at me and said what I dreaded.

“Then it’ll be fine if I grab your head? You know just to double check that ‘normal people’ don’t set you off anymore.”

I’m fucked, I’m so goddamn fucked, come on there has to be something I can say… anything…

“Sneckdraw already did that.  He took the bullet when it came to teasting that out, we’re fucking good. 

Now come on, put the gun down… We don’t need to push this Harris, we had a good thing going today.”

“You’re sweating Mills, and you’re not a very good liar. Tell me the truth or the lab boys run every test under the sun to force it out of you, and you will be awake for every pain staking second of it.”

I was pinned with nowhere to go… The last thing I wanted was an excuse for more people to get close. Eventually I sighed, ran my hands through my hair and finally gave in.

“Fuck fine, fine...It started when Sneckdraw just poked me as the final test. Everything went gray, his body started to fall apart and he started to say some weird shit… It was with his throat but it sure as hell wasn’t him.”

“What did he say that made you have to hide it?”

I knew this was coming and I don’t think I could forget it if I tried… But actually saying it out loud feels wrong. It’s at the center of so many questions that I don’t want answers for.

“He called me his king, and begged for me to free him from the bonds placed on his flesh. Saying that he wanted to experience the ‘euphoria of the ancient flesh’ that’ll lead towards the truth.  And… To show them the shape they were meant to take. 

When Knocks touched and things changed it was different… It didn’t feel as wrong so I had a chance to actually talk to it. I asked the heart of the forge what that place was. They said it was my mindscape, where those brought there are able to speak the truth beneath the flesh. 

I didn’t want to say anything, because all the answers it’d lead to seemed like ones I didn’t wanna hear.”

“So you just planned on praying that no one ever touched you?”

“Kinda yeah. The word flesh keeps getting repeated and it’s in ways that make it seem like it’s talking about something specific. I’m not sure if that ancient flesh part is just the stuff in the other world or something I haven’t figured out yet… I figured if I bought some time maybe I’d figure shit out on my own… Plus the stress is stacking up already, if I keep pushing my brain it might actually break on me. Avoiding it was how I planned on trying to make things last…”

“You’re going to have to face it eventually.”

“I’m well aware, I just need a little longer to get a handle on everything else going on first.”

His posture softened ever so slightly, it seemed like he believed me.

“Was there anything else you're hiding? We won’t have to go through this if you’re just honest.”

At this point I was already fucked why, keep anything up.

“I was able to tell that there were like 25 people in the factory by stretching my senses out. I’d tried it before, but hadn’t gone that far out till then. I knew that it was possible since when I was losing it the first time I could feel people all over the neighbourhood… it just hurts my head afterwards since it’s a lot of info that floods in all at once…”

“Why’d you even try that there?”

“Come on, the hallways were plain cement with no doors… Clearly shit was being hidden. Can you blame me for getting a tad curious?”

“I can, given you were following Nora when you showed up. Some things are hidden for a reason.”

“Might not seem like it but I knew what I was doing. At least when it came to that. Spent long enough hanging upside down to never fuck it up again.”

For a long time he just stared, examining every detail of my face. To see if there were any signs of me cracking. But at this point everything was out on the table. Finally he holstered his revolver.

“So did Brandon messing with your hair not set it off?”

“I actually did that whole spreading out senses thing when he was sitting on my bed… It was like there’s an empty void where he sat, when he did make contact nothing happened.”

“I’m going to have to report this, it needs to be examined further for everyone's safety. I also  only want you to practice that sense stuff when I’m around going forward. In exchange I’ll wait until the end of your two week break to send out this update to your file. I’ll even make sure that no one touches you during that period.

You wanted time, that’s all I can get you.”

“Fine…” 

I can’t leave this where it is, I need to know…

“Was everything you said before you pulled the gun just bullshit? ”

“It wasn’t.”

“Then didn’t you just lead with this?! Why even be honest? What's the point?! Just commit and being the fucking asshole, and don’t keep fucking jerking me around like this.”

“Why? So you can tell yourself I’m just an ‘asshole’ you can ignore?  That you weren’t the one taking stupid risks around innocent people, and just a victim? You set this pace, you lied, and you’re taking it for granted that you’re even still standing after that.” 

“Stop making it sound like I’m a goddamn bomb about to go off.  I did my fucking time to learn how to manage that shit. No one was ever in danger.”

��You said it yourself, mindscape or not people split apart from contact with you. What happens if you fail to come back from that, and start ripping people apart? You need to clue in Mills. It takes one single slip up on your part to ruin lives. And I don’t manage disasters, I prevent them entirely.  So either you knock some self awareness into your damn head, or we’ll keep playing this game.”

“...Why even let me the fuck out if you’re worried about that?”

“You heard it yourself from Ken, we don’t have the luxury of avoiding what’s coming. Do you want to be someone that takes lives or one that saves them.”

“Oh drop that high and mighty bullshit. What I want is to get left alone to live out my days in peace.”

“Oh that’d be great wouldn’t it.  Just put on your blinders and pretend the screams aren’t real. Sorry to ruin this, but there’s no peace for someone like you. At every turn people are going to take advantage of you, or set you up to do whatever they want.”

“So just like you and whoever employs you?”

“Exactly, the difference is we aren’t marching the world to its end. We bleed and die to keep it so others don’t have to know how close they are to the edge. Now what do you want to be, a beast to be hunted, or a goddamn man?”

He was fucking crazy… Those cold eyes were set ablaze with unmistakable conviction… This isn’t a fight I should be having, I know that but… It’s infuriating, I want to beat the shit out of him, but what does that even get me?  Congrats you stomped out an old fuck good job, nothings changed though your still just as goddamn empty.

“I’m still me, is it so goddamn selfish to want to be treated like a human being for a once? Not just some goddamn pawn to throw around, leave alone, torture, and molded to fit some bullshit lie that won’t ever be able to reach.”

Fuck why am I getting emotional. Pull it back, disconnect, recenter. I need to do this, I can’t crack. This is just what it takes to stop other people from dying… Everything so far has been nothing… I can handle all of it…  

That lie was nice, but it cracked under the pressure when I saw Harris’ look soften and he stared at me. It almost seemed like pity, but there’s no reason for it… That’s not something I deserve or want.  He spoke softly.

“It isn’t fair I know… but you have to understand that other people face the consequences when we aren’t doing what needs to be done. Knowing that you can sense people from a distance will save lives. We just need to make sure you won’t need saving yourself, we need you in control.  So we have to face your problems instead of trying to bury them."

Words weren’t coming, and my was mind blank. The most I could give him was a nod.

“Let's go sleep Mills…  It’s been a long day and things will be easier tomorrow.”

Harris was patient as he led me inside, I can’t say that I was moving very fast.  It felt like everything that’d been stacking up finally fell, and a cold nothingness was left. Would things be easier if I wasn’t here? If I’d just died would the world be better off? Expectations and demands are doing their best to drown me, but what if I just took what came…?

Dying would really solve all my problems, why do I fight so hard to keep this going?

Haaaaa... I know that it’s mainly spite, and obligation to everyone who’s gone... Faces forgotten and memories faded but their ends still just as vivid. If I’ve lived till now th can’t get worse than what's already happened… right? 

Ha… This is normally when Ken would pipe up… Distract me from the dark corners of my brain, and pull me away from my dreams of the end… But he still wasn’t here, I was still all alone. These were my problems to solve...

[myhatisblue]

13, is this lore time? at least a little.

So my little meeting with this bird had gone pretty well all things considered. I still don’t know why exactly it brought me up here. Given it hadn’t shown any red flags beyond the whole grabbing me thing, I wasn’t in a rush to start shit. That was until it finished what was in its pipe. After that it got up, dusted itself off, and slowly walked over to me. Leaving me just looking at the massive creature. You don’t really grasp how tall it actually is when it’s hunched over or sitting down. 

“What’s-”

Before I’d fully processed it, it had bent down and grabbed my face. Just like when sneckdraw touched me color faded from the world around me. This time though when the bird’s flesh started to unravel it wasn’t meat or bone beneath it… No, instead flames burst free from its flesh, while this was enough to let me break free from its grasp it just gave way to a more unbelievable sight. Just beyond that inferno that spread from where the bird once stood, hid an outline of something almost human. 

“How interesting, the new lord invites us into his presence.”

My entire body shook as its burning eyes locked on me. It wasn’t just a singular voice speaking but hundreds in unison shaking the very world around them. 

“We are the heart of the forge, and pursuers of perfection. The souls of artisans long since perished, drawn together in pursuit of greater heights." 

They seemed pretty proud about all that. What was more interesting to me was that they didn’t really make me feel uncomfortable. At least not in the same way Sneckdraw did when I was brought here with him last time… It is fucking crazy, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be able to have a conversation with something like this again. I needed to see where this goes. 

“That’s cool? ...Not to be rude or anything but why are you all a bird then?”

The being of shadow and flame bent towards me, getting a closer look from seemingly every direction. Its expression seemed almost confused, but after staring at me for long enough it eventually spoke.

“All have once had their eyes drawn to the skies and dreamt of flying free and unrestrained. As such it has been a common goal throughout the ages to forge one's own wings. Why would we not choose a form fitting of such ambitions?” 

“I guess? Uh sorry for changing the topic so quickly but do you know what this place is?”

“...is this a test? Are you mocking us?”

“No, I really, I honestly don’t know what the fucks going on. Your bird body grabbed me and this just kinda happened.”

“It is your mindscape… Where those brought are free to speak the truth buried beneath the flesh… Are you truly the one fit for this role? Is it not embarrassing to ask for such basic knowledge?”

“Probably not? I never really had a say in the whole thing so I’m just kinda taking it as it comes.”

It made me feel so goddamn small when it stared at me with zero reaction. When a wave of laughter shot out all around me things started to feel at least a little less intense.

“How curious! We understand why our incarnation was so intrigued by you.”

“Incarnation? So you aren’t actually that bird guy?

“That is a complicated question, while we may have formed this creature it still has its own will. As long as it shares in our passions for the craft we shall embolden its efforts. Then when it finally passes it shall join us, and a new life will rise from the ashes.”

“So it’s more like a phoenix than a crow…?”

“Not exactly, but the general concept is fairly applicable.”

“I see then I assume it won’t know about any of this?”

“No, as we said, we are the souls that cultivate and support its passions, not the creature itself. 

“Just checking for my own sanity, you aren’t like a god or evil horror right?”

“Ha! Even if we were, do you think we would freely admit such things?”

“Fair enough.”

“This has been an interesting meeting, King of Roaches. Our time runs short but we wish you luck in all your pursuits. We hope that you and our incarnation remain on amicable terms.”

“Wait why are you calling me-”

Fuck before I got it out the world returned to normal, and my head was suddenly head back within the corvid’s grasp. For one reason or another it was intently staring at my empty eye socket. 

“Uh can you let go?”

I got a squawk in return, and to add on to the insult it used its second set of arms to stop my arms from getting in its way. Again I was just kinda stuck, until it had finished intently examining my head. Not that it let me down afterwards, no it picked me up and jumped to another part of the roof where there was an entrance to the building. Only then did it softly put me down and left without a word- uh that's not right.. chirp I guess?

I didn’t really get what the hell the point of all of that was but it was gone and it sure as hell wasn’t going to tell me. What a strange bird, I mean I guess it would be stupid to expect it to act human like but that was a little out there. Weird that it just left too. And just why the hell did it also call me the king of roaches? The only two people who should know about that are Ken and… Lucy.  Ugh she must have done it, there’s gotta be a reason that things know about that dumb shit I said just by looking at me.  Given all the weird shit happening it had to have been her. God I don’t even want to think about this, it’s starting to make way more sense why Ken would say something like it'll be funny later…

Man… I really am all alone up here huh… It’d be easy to make a break for it, go far away and live a quiet life somewhere in the sticks… Maybe somewhere warm, on a beach a nice cold drink and not a care in the world… At least till the world ended I guess. That warning Ken gave really puts a damper on any future schemes…

“You back yet Ken?”

I laid back and stared at the sky, the moon was full and the stars bright and plentiful. It’s nice that there's still places where things aren’t drowned out by the light of the modern world. Almost made the fact that Ken was still gone easy to ignore.

Ha… I guess I’m back thinking about my escape. Getting away is a good idea honestly, after everything they’ve done they kinda deserve what's coming to them. But I know they’d just set off those arm bands, and drag me back.  Maybe with a few more and a lot less freedom to work with. What a bag of dicks…

Maybe I should have followed that bird… I guess I haven't stopped to take in what it actually said… Assuming it wasn’t all just bullshit, and there’s a high likelihood of that… Isn’t that bit about that being my mindscape really bad? Why would the ‘truth hidden beneath flesh’ just lead to Sneckdraw’s body begging me to free it? It’s gotta just be because he’s a mess right? Maybe I should let someone else poke me to test out what happens…But… I really, REALLY don’t want to do that. There’s not even an answer that I can think of that wouldn’t do more harm than good knowing it. The best outcome to all of this would really be that it was just fucking with me.

Laying here and questioning everything was nice and all, but I should get up before Harris comes up here to drag me inside. There’s not much but I’ve still got some pride. I’d planned on just stretching a bit before heading out. But a woman in a welders mask with a flashlight opened the door before I’d gotten past the stretching phase of the plan. 

“Wow you must have made a great impression! Normally there’s more blood after Knocks grabs something she’s interested in!”

“Uh hey?

“Hello! You’re Harry's new kid right? He’s told me all about you.”

She pulled up the mask to reveal an older woman with her white hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her features were sharp, she was tall, and jesus did it look like she worked out. The little of her arm that I could see peeking out between her tee shirt and over oversized gloves were covered in scars. And she tied the look together with a pair of overalls. Given she seemed to know who I was, and everything leading up to this. I had a pretty strong feeling about who she was.

“New kid…? Weird way to put it… but I assume you're the arms dealer wife Harris brought up?”

“Ha! That's one of the many hats I wear, I suppose. I’m Elinore but most people call me Nora, you must be Mills. While I run the forge these days I’m quite the jack of all trades if I do say so myself.”

So this was the kind of woman Harris is into huh…? Not bad, honestly. 

“Uh you seemed to imply that bird was named Knocks right?”

“Yes, she’s a real sweetheart once you get to know her.”

“What exactly is she?  I mean the souls inside her said they were the heart of the forge but that’s a bit confusing if you run it.”

“Wow you learnt all that? Normally there’s a whole rigmarole you’ve gotta go through to get anything out of them. Real tedious.. To answer your question she'd be classified as a fae in your line of work, and she’s too aloof to run anything really.  As with many fae they come and go as they please. She's cat-like in that way despite her appearance.”

“Uhhh what? That thing… That’s a fairy…?!”

“She’s not like the little pixies you’d imagine is she? Since you're so new to this I’ll let you know so you don’t say something rude by accident. 

Fae are generally classified as any collection of souls or ideas that combine together into a single form. The soul part might make it sound like a ghost, but generally those are single dead creatures with their own goals and intentions.  Not that multiple ghosts can’t be in the same place, it's just fae more unified in their intentions.”

“....This is kinda a lot to take in.”

She nodded in agreement and opened the door behind her.

“Let’s head inside then, a warm cup of tea makes anything go down easier.”

I followed her but it was hard to take in much of what was going on. Not just given everything happening, but the real guts of this place weren’t being put on display.  The hallways were pretty much just gray cement on all four walls, there weren't even any doors in sight. Someone was trying to hide what was going on here. Just a little peak around won’t hurt anyone right? I let my senses spread outward, and the play was obvious. There were people beyond these walls, around 20 give or take… They were fairly spread out on what seemed to be two floors. Leading to the conclusion that this hallway was likely temporary or able to be altered somehow. Safe to assume that the biggest secret here isn’t the 8 foot tall bird.

My mind started to hurt from all the strain, and the incoming information so I pulled myself back.  

Once I knew that there was something to be found I managed to catch some strange patterns that were nearly the exact same colour as the rest of the walls. If I hadn’t been specifically keeping an eye out for it I don’t think I would have ever noticed them.

What was interesting was that Nora never did look back. She must have had confidence in whatever defences they had set up here. Even more questionable is how she’d just turn her back to someone she doesn’t know… I guess it was appreciated but it seemed foolish, or like she had enough answers to any problem I might cause. After a trip down a circling stairwell, we ended up reaching a small breakroom that had a coffee maker, a fridge, a microwave and of course a table that Harris was already sitting at. Deep into a cup of coffee already. 

I had to at least ask the obvious question before things went anywhere.

“So why the hell didn’t you warn me about the Bird?”

“Getting grabbed and carried around by Knocks is a right of passage. You don’t look as scratched up as you should for the first time though.”

Nora went to preparing tea for her and I, and motioned for me to sit down as she responded.

“I was surprised too! She must really like him. How’d you even manage that?”

Both of them looked at me expectantly.

“It took out a pipe, so I just lit a cigarette and we just kinda sat there smoking for a while.”

They both looked at each other sharing a slightly confused blink or two before Harris spoke.

“I didn’t hear you scream, but to think that you’d be able to stay that calm. Not bad.”

I couldn’t help but shrug.

“I’ve had worse things happen lately. I don’t think I would have had fairies on my bingo card though.”

“Consider it a taste of what's to come, normally you would have been hit with a crash course in cryptozoology but for now combat's being prioritized given Kenneth’s warning and all.” 

A cup of tea was placed in front of me. I said thanks and received a smile in return. Nora took a seat as well, taking two packs of sugar and a cream from the box that was left in the middle of the table. She asked a spoke while she added them to her tea.

“I've been wondering about this since you brought it up… How’d exactly did you manage to talk to the heart of the forge?”

Harris almost choked on his drink. When the short coughing fit ended he finally spoke.

“He did what?!”

The slightest hint of a smile crossed Nora’s face, it didn’t seem to carry the same gentle kindness it had previously…

“Uhhhh…”

The pieces fell into place, and it was clear I’d admitted too much. That fucking bird made me fail to even consider that knowing that title alone would raise flags.  Shit I didn’t want to say anything about what happens on skin contact before I got to talk to Ken… They’re both staring at me, Fuck!… These two are goddamn sharp… How can I get out of this… Okay take it easy… No one knows what I can do, as long as I just give them enough truth I’ll be able to leave out details.

“Knocks grabbed my head, and then its meat unraveled and a bunch of flame spewed out? There was a big shadow thing mixed in with it. It didn’t really say much, just introduced itself, and explained that the bird was its incarnation. After that everything went back to normal and Knock’s just stared at my empty eye socket for a while and took off.”

Harris planted his forehead into his hand, and suddenly looked very exhausted. Nora on the other hand just laughed.

“I think you’ll be writing reports till your hands go numb with this one Harry.”

“I’ll never get my beauty sleep again, I don’t think there’s coming back from this one Nora.”

“Well… I’ll buy you a nice coffin, at least then your skeleton will have somewhere nice to make up for it.

“Don’t worry if I die I’ll haunt both of you to actually make up for it.”

“‘If’ he says. Like he hasn’t been rushing into danger for the last 20 years.”

“I’ve got luck on my side, what can I say?”

“It’s luck, is it?! So I guess you don’t need that painstakingly crafted hand cannon, or all those hand carved runed bullets.  I’ve got a long list of buyers just waiting for a chance to get one of those.”

“Hmm… I think I’ll keep it.  Since I guess those may have helped too… at least a little.”

Nora threw the empty creamer at Harris, and both of them suddenly started laughing… I don’t know what was going on, but it seemed like I was in the clear?  This sure as hell didn’t seem like the Harris I’d met up to this point…  But if it was going to stop them from asking any further questions I’ll fucking take it. Nora eventually decided to ignore Harris and directed her attention to me.

“So Mills, you said Knocks was staring at your empty eye?”

“Yeah? I guess it was kinda looking all over my head.”

“That old bird, of course it’d just leave after that.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry, Harry we may as well take Mills home with us, we can do a proper tour in the morning. Things are a touch too hectic tonight given it’s a full moon.”

I may as well ask her the obvious question.

“The moon matters?” 

“Some materials react better or worse under moonlight, so full moons, and new moons are busy times for everyone here.”

Harris scratched his head and spoke up.

“I really should have double checked that before we drove out here.”

“Yes you should have, now you get to take care of our guest. ”

“You also could have reminded me in at least one of those messages.”

“I could have! But I wanted to meet the one you’ve been talking about so much. Plus it worked out in the end didn’t it?”

“Haaaa…. I suppose so… The cabin’s clean right?”

“Yes,  I even did a supply run a few days ago! After you said Mills over there, was getting out of observation it was only a matter of time till you showed up.”

I was really just letting them go on but that was something I wanted expanded on a little. It’s not like going out today was pre-planned.

“Why’d you assume that we’d be showing up soon?”

“Harry introduces me to all his problem children.  After all… I need to know who personally hunt down and dispose of in case anything unfortunate were to happen.  Accental or intentional.”

A smile may be on her face, but it sure as hell didn’t seem like she was joking… The fact that she immediately went back to enjoying her tea like it was nothing happened was a hell of a power play… In a way I was almost impressed, this pair really was something else…

That did finally remind me that I should get around to actually drinking the tea in front of me.  I didn't end up adding anything, honestly at this point it was more the warmth of it that I was enjoying. It didn’t taste bad or anything, it’s just something that wasn’t room temperature was still pretty wild. 

Even if I haven’t been out long it sinks in deeper and deeper how much I’ve been deprived of.  I’m not sure if it makes me angry, or just numb to everything. Even while these two went on with their small talk, it just became more and more obvious how much easier things would have been with just a little more support. But could I honestly say that anyone else would have been safe helping before? Really if all of the meat and bone inside that place wasn’t something I felt a connection with, it’d probably been driven mad. I don’t think there’s another person in this world who’d come back the same after so long, I’m not even sure I did.

Ugh these thoughts aren’t doing anything for me. Just think of something to say, anything. 

“Why’s the bird named Knocks?”

The two of them looked a touch confused why that came up out of nowhere but Nora did end up answering.

“It’s really as obvious as you’d expect.  She used to knock on things when she wanted our attention. Then while learning how to write one of the first notes it gave me just said ‘Me am Knocks’.”

“Huh… You’d figure it’d just squawk at you if it wanted your attention.”

“You’d think right! But she saves that for when she’s angry, annoyed or very pleased with herself.”

“Interresting. So I guess you communicate with her using notes?”

“Not as often as you’d expect, even if she can read, write and understand us they don’t really have much to say. Most of the time they do, it’s only because she needs materials.”

“Huh… I guess I should also ask what those orbs of fire in the forest were.”

“Those are from Knocks as well, funny enough.  It can see out of them, so it always knows what’s going on and who’s approaching. In a way they manage security in exchange for materials and food.”

“She’s multi-talented.”

Beeping started to come from Nora, and after she looked at the notification she got up.

“That’s my time up. Now Mills tomorrow I hope you’ll have some questions for me. Knock’s can’t just be stealing all your attention. After all I’ve got plenty of stories that you’d love to hear I’m sure. Especially ones that Harry here would rather die than tell himself.”

Harris snickered with a content look on his face.

“That may be true, but at least I don’t get jealous over the bird being the center of attention.”

“She just swoops in and steals the show every time, how can I compete with that!”

“You could take up kidnapping people when they first show up too, but I think I may have to ask for a divorce.”

“Well it was nice knowing you, I’m sure you’ll find a nice ditch to die in once you run out of ammo.”

Again they both just started laughing, and Nora kissed Harris on the cheek and left. Leaving me and Harris just sitting there. The smile on his face was practically beaming.

“Isn’t she a doll.”

“Uh… I guess? It’s weird and fuck being the third wheel around you two.”

“You’ll find somebody for yourself eventually. It’ll make more sense after that.”

“If you say so.”

“We should get going, the cabin’s just a five minute drive away. Nora had it built so she’d have somewhere close after long nights like this. It’s nothing fancy, but it should have everything we need. She was probably so excited that she had someone prepare clothes and everything.”

“Excited huh, weird given she basically said she’d kill me if I did anything to you.”

“That’s just how love is, I know everyone who works here too so I can do the same for her.”

“That’s weird, man.”

“You’ll get it when you’re old like me. Now let’s head out.”

[myhatisblue]

We are on 12 now, yesterdays art may or may not have been related to part of this.

I don’t actually know how long I was laying in bed trying to calm down. I kinda think it was a while but no one ever came to bother me or even check in. Really the only reason I got up in the end was the smell of bacon wafting into the room and reminding me that I was pretty hungry.  Plus it really had been a while since I’d smelt something so nice.  The sound of a tune being whistled almost impressively well was the first thing to greet me as I headed towards my kitchen. It stopped as Harris turned to me and greeted me with a nod.

“Figured that might lure you out. Take a seat.”

Someone else manning the kitchen felt a little odd but when the plate of food came I was warming up to the idea. It was a classic breakfast bacon, eggs, and toast placed down in front of me ready to be enjoyed. I wanted to try and remain calm and collected, but the second warm food hit my mouth I’d kinda turned into a ravenous beast. Practically shoveling the food down my gullet, Till I was basically half way done with my plate and Harris was just sitting down with his own.

“I was wondering if you would still be able to handle meat after everything.”

The food got caught in my throat when he said something, leading me to loudly cough before I finally got around to answering. 

“Urk..!  Uh never really thought about that? Even when I was in the place alone I was downing ‘meat product’ MREs, and jerky.  Guess it’s fine since dead stuff doesn’t make noise so it’s just easier to separate in my head as food.”

“You’ve said that people were too loud before, is that as literal as it sounds?”

“...Uhh,  kinda? If I stop focusing on myself, it’s like bodies take it as an open invitation to talk to me about everything they have going on. Not that there’s actual words involved, it’s more like… a feeling? Even that doesn’t seem like a perfectly accurate way of putting it.

Dunno shit’s weird.”

“Sounds like it.”

Again we returned to eating, I made an effort to actually slow down and taste what I had left. Figuring I also may as well get around to asking about the missing guest.

“Where’d Brandon go anyways?”

“He said he had ‘stuff to do’ and got a ride back to base.  It seemed he had fully intended on staying but after getting a call his mood changed. Knowing him though it’s almost impressive it took so long for someone to bother him.”

“Why’s that?”

“He’s got hundreds of years of information on hand, and is the only one who’s read enough of it to be a reliable source when problems involve being with more complicated legacies.” 

“I got the impression that he was kinda treated like shit. Something about people wanting to discredit his work? Dunno the exact words, its been too long.”

“If there's one thing you’ll learn quickly it’s that monsters or people who deal with them have a certain miasma that clings to them.  Your ability to sense that kinda thing only grows with experience… So while not exactly the same It’s similar to the kind that follows Sneckdraw, Brandon, and franky you. 

You don’t end up a hunter of beasts by accident, it’s a choice made only after tragedy has hit and the eyes have been opened to the truth. So you could understand why people with preexisting trauma around that feeling might not take too well to anything that even remotely reminds them of those worst moments.”

“That craps coming from me too?”

I’ll admit that I did try and smell myself and didn’t notice anything weird outside of just needing a shower.

“It is.”

Two simple worlds but the impact was fierce. After I went to take a bite of some egg I left the fork on my lip, occasionally tapping it lightly there. Things were gonna get complicated going forward, not that it was a new problem but still annoying.  

It’s confusing how vast the concept of senses has become. It goes far beyond how things used to be. I guess it should have been obvious that other people's perception could change under the right conditions. It’s still yet another thing I had no reason to even consider till now. All that isolation has both closed in my world and widened it in very different ways… 

Still this is really bad isn’t it? If forces involved in this crap can instantly pin me down as someone to pay attention to, doesn’t it limit what I can even do?  That’s probably why the training was so fucking extreme… Sneckdraw and Brandon can handle being known, but besides the odd brawl or mindless beating I’m not exactly prepped and ready for war… I guess that’s why it seemed so sloppy to Brandon.

Still a question stuck in my head, it’s worth asking no matter how childish it feels… I need to know where things stand.

“You on that list of people that hate me?”

Harris chuckled lightly under his breath, and took another bite of food. Only speaking after he’d swallowed it.

“I’m a professional. and right now the job is to make sure you don’t cause trouble. Giving you reasons to start shit would just cause me more stress. After seeing what Brandon and Sneckdraw used to do in their hay day… I don’t think I could ever question their loyalty. Especially not after having to clean up the scene when the nightmares finally ended. It makes it easier to look past first impressions for people like them..” 

“I keep hearing they were so great but no one says much more than that.”

Harris let silence hang in the air, sure he ate but not responding right away felt a little more intentional. Like he was staring me down as he contemplated how much he wanted to say. 

“A lot of it is classified, or Brandon makes people work to get at it… I’ll tell you though It wasn’t just that they made sure no one was left alive after a job…  Their real work shined when it came to the scene left afterwards.  A story of bloody and methodical madness carved from the bodies of beasts and those who would follow them. 

Anyone unfortunate enough to find their work was left to put together their own story using those horribly eviscerated pieces. One that spread and grew worse, and more depraved every time the tale was told.  The fear it brewed far beyond anything they could have purposely concocted, and turned the enemies' own imagination against themselves with horrifying success.”

“If they were already like that then, how the hell did Brandon go too far?”

“Again classified, but I’ll just say that something set him off…. Whether or not he saved lives after it didn’t matter… because even the innocent involved could see that monsters existed after it was all said and done.”

“That was more than I expected to get.”

“Seems only fair that I acknowledge the work you’ve been putting in, in one way or another.”

“Could have just given me back my wallet and let me go to the store. Wait while we’re on this, have I been getting paid for all this crap?”

“Did that never come up before this?”

“No! At least I don’t think so? I keep getting thrown from one pile of shit to another. It's hard to keep track.”

“I’m sure you’ll be pleased with what you find then. Circling back though, we’ll be working our way up to going out in public.”

I was going to ask if the hours paid were based on real time, or the fleshy hell rate, but the idea of going out sounded pretty good. As nice as relaxing at home is… After all that hanging around and seeing the same view when my eye wasn’t closed, it made any sort of variety pretty appealing. 

“Where are we starting then?”

Harris stared at me, his head tilting ever so slightly.

“You want to head out already?”

“Why not?”

He scratched his head, and after some delay he took out his phone, and after sending a message. Slowly he placed it on the table and waited while a strange expression passed over his face… Then a fury of beeps rang out from the phone, Harris closing his eyes and focusing on his food.

“You gonna answer…”

“...She’s one you need to give a little time to sort out her thoughts. It tends to be a lot of single words that stack up for a bit.”

“Uh… Okay?”

Slowly but surely the alerts slowed down until they stopped, and Harris finally picked the phone back up.  His eyes sliding side to side as he tried not to snicker, a task he failed and left an earnest smile on his face. One he quickly tried to hide under a stoic guise before eventually shoving the phone back into his pocket and getting up.

“Get yourself ready, while I clean up here.”

“Where are we heading?”

“Now let’s not just ruin the surprise.” 

He lazily shoo’d me off after that. I didn’t really need to argue with him. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, time alone isn't something I’m going to say no to. I needed to check if Ken was back as soon as I got to my room to grab clothes. A shower could come after I figured out where things were at.

“Kenneth, you back yet?”

“Ken?”

Nothing… He must still be talking with Lucy. He would have answered by now, or at least made a snide comment or two…  He really only ignores me when it benefits him. Jesus though… the silence is almost unnerving. I know who he’s dealing with and that on its own is an issue, but the bigger problem is that I can't even begin to imagine what Lucy has to talk with him about. She may not be actively threatening but she’s a wildcard in all this. Not really a good thing to pour on top of Kenneth’s already hard to predict self. 

I didn’t have the time to just stand here though so I got to work on getting ready. There may be clothes someone left for me, but they were clearly here long before all the bulking up I did in hell… The pants weren't so much of a problem, but the shirts on the other hand were pretty tight around the chest and arms… Feels kinda fucking embarrising in a way I struggle to explain… I ended up landing on a green dress shirt, and a gray pair of jeans.  It was the only thing that seemed to run larger than the rest.  After that all that was left was to head to the washroom and get cleaned up.

Normally I enjoy a burning hot shower but the process left a lot of time to actually look myself over. Turns out that dwelling on that kinda thing makes me feel a little disgusted. It was largely thanks to all the new scars I seem to be collecting. They’re all proof of what happened, sure… but I kinda already wish that some of the details would be better left forgotten… It still didn’t fully make sense that they were even here with how fast I healed. Hell, a building collapsed on me and there’s nothing from that… 

There were a variety of new additions that did last though. The first was from the bullet Harris provided. Then even if it was hidden by the bands I could tell that my forearms looked fucked up under them… The worst looking ones were definitely around my legs and ankles though. The damage from the chains and shackles may have healed but the scars were too deep to just erase. God there’s no way to explain them away, either I seem like a convict, or a fucking degeneratre… If that second part is true or not is debatable, but it’s still not the kinda message I wanna to be sending... Really even if someone thought things were like that for another reason, I’m never going to explain what actually happened.  That’s not really a period of time I want people to know about... 

I went a little nutty for a bit there when I was trying to rip open my wrists. As much as I want to avoid it, that's where the last set of scars landed. In a way I’m lucky that I was so… aggressive in my attempts.. There’s no way to tell that it was self-inflicted... Most of the underside of my wrist just looks like scar tissue.  Like a hunk of it was just torn out by a wild animal… That's not too far from the truth I guess… Fuck It’s bad enough that Sneckdraw saw it all why’d it have to leave marks? Thinking back… He was definitely watching but never stepped in… Would it have even mattered if he did?  Outside of letting me go, I don’t think anything he could have said or done would have stopped me from doing it. Maybe he knew that fact already… I only took a step towards breaking through when I’d finally accepted how there were no other options. The deal part just tied all the pieces together. 

Ugh, staring at all this crap makes me feel like I’m some vain loser. I needed to finish up here and get out. The quicker I could cover this all up with clothes and a pair of leather gloves the better. There’s no way I’m gonna let people get too close anymore. I might be able to stop myself from losing it now, but skin contact seems like a different beast. At least that’s the feeling I get after what happened when Sneckdraw touched me. Shit was too uniquely different to even let anything that led up to it happen again.

The final piece of getting ready was grabbing a pack of cigs and my metal lighter. After that wasn’t much that happened between me pulling myself together and when I entered Harris’ car.  He had a black accord, pretty unsuspecting and I guess that’s the point. I doubt someone involved with monsters in any way shape or form wants to travel around in anything too recognizable. 

Honestly I had no idea where we were headed. It really just started looking like we were in the middle of nowhere. Dried out farmers fields and collapsing barns were the most common sight as I stared out the window. Harris had been relatively silent the entire drive, both hands tightly locked on the wheel. Intensely watching the road, every step of the way. I eventually had to ask about a glaring omission…

“Why don’t you have anything playing, or at least the radio on?”

“Too distracting. Folks failing to notice certain oddities and ending up butchered for it is unfortunately fairly common in the industry. You learn to manage the silence, though I’d imagine that you have your fair share of experience when it comes to that.”

“Was alone with just breathing and moving meat, so silence would have been a blessing comparatively. Guess it’s more nostalgia making it feel like something should be playing during a drive.”

“You’ll get a new phone soon enough, so put up with it for now.”

Again silence, maybe I could have tried to bridge the gap between us a little more. I just ended up being fine watching the fields turn into a thick forest as the sun fell. When things did finally start to get darker out, everything stopped seeming so normal. There was fire among the trees.

“Uh… There’s fire out there. Should we call the fire department?

Harris chuckled a little.

“They can’t actually burn things. The little guys are native to the region. If you were wondering  why they don’t cause more problems, normal people just see them as fire flies.”

“What are they?”

“A sign we are close.”

“...?”

When I didn’t get much more out of Harris I went back to watching the forest, knowing they weren’t a sign of danger made the strange orbs seem kinda pretty. At least until I caught a large shadow moving past them with a long trail of flame following it. Weaving between the trees and practically keeping up with our car.  Just as I was about to say something I lost track of it, and didn’t seem to catch it again.

Soon enough though the tree line slowly opened up a little and revealed our destination. It was a large factory. Keeping it hidden in the woods seemed like a strange choice. The smoke spewing out of the smokestacks would still be noticed from a distance. So maybe this wasn’t as simple as just trying to hide the place?

Harris unbuckled his seat belt and was about to open the door when I decided I should at least warn him about what I'd seen. The woods were still thick enough around the parking lot to provide ample places for whatever it was to hide.

“Something was following us.” 

“Oh It still is.”

Even after saying that he still got out of the car and started to stretch. His bones loudly cracking for added effect. Why did a man staring at the road so goddamn intently seem to not give a shit about a thing that was actively following us. I still got out of the car and followed him out. The pieces finally coming together when he said;

“Don’t move, or scream too much. It can get pretty angry.”

This mother fucker knew exactly what that thing was.

“Dude, just no, stop that thing. Just fucking introd-”

Mid fucking sentence I was grabbed by something very large and very quick.  I went from being completely in control, to held like some strange creature's luggage in seconds flat. It clearly experienced in the process given it was sure to keep my arms locked to my side with it’s seemingly multiple arms.  All while it kept my head down so I  could really only see its strangely bulky and ostrich-like legs wrapped in metal plates.

At this point I wasn’t even scared by the whole experience, really it’s hard to be anything but irritated…. Sure I was a little concerned when it suddenly started bounding up the goddamn building but at that point I was stuck along for the ride. It even made sure to slowly drop me to the ground when it stopped. All things considered a pretty nice gesture given everyone else I deal with these days.  Finally I was able to get a good look at the strange ugh… bird like person? It must have been close to 9 feet tall, and had 4 arms. Instead of skin it was covered in a mixture of fur and black feathers that trailed off to orange as they reached their furthest points. The beak looked like it could easily rip me apart, a feature that was shared with its hands and feet. Though they looked far more like talons than the human parts they reminded me of. 

The being was wearing a thick leather apron with a huge pocket, an odd choice but it seemed  to serve a purpose. Metal tools of some kind hanging out of it, all very well used.  I imagine they were probably part of what made the few metal plates it wore around its legs like armor. They must have been custom made, and large gaps left between them made me think that they just liked how they looked, versus actually being functional armor.  It’s strangest feature though were the long braids like things stuck out of the back of its head and moved around freely as if they had a life of their own.  Each ending dramatically in a burning flame. 

Eventually it stepped away from me and went to sit down on the edge of the building. Once it seemed comfortable it took out a pipe from its apron and filled it with a dried plant substance that it kept alongside it. Proving then that the flame on its hair appendage was actually burning when it lit the thing with it.

After that… It really just proceeded to sit there and stare at me, occasionally blowing out purple coloured smoke from its pipe.   I sure as hell didn’t know what the fuck to do. Since it wasn’t saying anything or attacking I kinda just accepted my fate. They do say if you can’t beat them, join them so it was enough of an excuse to partake in my own cigarette.  An act it seemed to enjoy as it nodded at me approving of my choice.  

This was turning out to be fucking absurd but what else could I do but sit across from it and have a little stare off to pass the time… Eventually getting tired of the silence and finally trying to communicate to the bird.

“So… do you speak english?”

It shock its head side to side, that’d be a no.

“I take it you understand it though.”

It took a little longer to stare at me before it responded to me with a nod. I guess I figured since parrots could talk, that maybe this thing could too but maybe that beak of theirs makes the language impossible. Still they seemed pretty calm if not a little awkward. 

“That’s cool but… Did you really have to pick me up and run up here?

It closed its orange eyes and one of its hands reached up and tapped the side of its beak.Its head titling from side to side as it seemingly considered the question. Of course I just received a nod after all the build up. I really don’t know what else I expected.

After that it held a hand up to its beak in a shh-ing motion, and seemed like it just wanted me to be around while it enjoyed its smoke.

You know… I kinda thought I was fully prepared for monsters existing. Just I never figured they’d be so… calm?  This guy seemed pretty chill, I don’t know what it actually wanted but I guess it was pretty cool sharing a smoke with a bird man. Honestly it was one of the better experiences so far, and it seemed like we were being left alone to enjoy the crisp night air and the stars.  Not really what I saw coming but it’s a nice change of pace even if the introduction was a bit abnormal.  

Still what the fuck has my life become?

[myhatisblue]

Forge seeker.

[myhatisblue]

Number 11

I almost messed up some names while writing this

I’m growing to hate waking up places I didn’t pass out in.  Even when I end up in my own room the gap in time means that any comfort gained pissed away immediately.  Just from feeling alone I knew for a fact that Twig had gotten the pinky cut off that they wanted. It was too noticeable, not visually but the newly grown nerve endings were out of whack.  Not painful, or feeling dulled just annoyingly noticeable. Like a pair of shoes that need breaking in, it fits but doesn’t feel right. 

I can feel where they placed their needles and they numbered in the double digits.  Everything inch inside of me was a tapestry that I was now painfully aware of every word of. Even the smallest scratch imagable is easy to pick up on, if anything it’s hard to ignore.

While I was still stretching out my fingers to try and get it back to normal, a knock rattled my door.

“I’m coming in.”

It was Harris of course. The fact I didn’t feel him coming was a good sign, meant my senses were staying where they were. At this point I have to take the small blessings where I can get them

“How are you-”

I wasn’t letting this go off the rails instantly, I wanted to hear him admit it.

“Twig took a goddamn pinkey didn’t they?”

Harris was in the middle of saying yes, until another voice stepped in instead.

“Who are calling twink?”

“He said ‘Twig’ Brandon...”

Brandon? What the fuck was Brandon doing here?

“Who's twig then?”

“Hark.”

“Hark? Oh, that weirdo who mucks around with monster bits? I heard an experiment went wrong and made their hair go blue. Always seemed like a hunk of baloney if you ask me. They’ve also kinda got this crazy stare, and it’s super offputting when they ask me for ‘bug’s’ like each one isn’t a part of my internal organs.”

“Yeah they wanted a finger from me so that seems to be normal for them.”

“Gross. More importantly Mills, Twig really? That's pretty rude, I thought I taught you better. Where did I go wrong? Was it making you stomp out a monster to death?”

…Despite my effort to get ahead of the curve we were already off the rails...

“Didn’t you just finish calling them weird and crazy? Least I’ve got the excuse that they didn’t tell me their name was Hark, they just said Twig was fine!

Ugh, this doesn’t matter. The better question is why are you here?”

Harris turned towards Brandon, a hint of exhaustion coating his face.

“I’d love to know that too, I’m paid to handle one problem child at a time, not two. This is above what I’m making off it.”

“And I’d say I’m not a problem, but I can certainly cause some if you wanna play that game. We could really make you earn that pay check, won’t that be fun hmm?”

A tongue like appendage made of countless entwined insects creeped out of the side of his grinning mouth. Harris recoiled back ever so slightly, but was putting in work to not let any other sign of weakness show. The silence left room for Brandon to continue something he was all too pleased to take full advantage of. 

“See this Mills? A guy gets a little old and starts thinking he can forget to respect the real elders around here. Tsk tsk tsk.”

Harris just rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. I’d forgotten Brandon was like this when he wasn’t busy being sadistic and fucking weird. Most of the times that jump out in my memory is when his act fell off and his real self peaked through. Something deadly and capable just hiding just out of sight but always there. 

Brandon’s ‘tongue’ slipped back into his mouth as he adjusted his orange shades.  With everything else going on I almost hadn’t noticed Brandon’s outfit. If one thing hadn’t changed it was his questionable choice in clothing. He’d gone for a blue Hawaiian shirt with hermit crabs and flowers on it, and shorts covered in a strange multi-green coloured wave texture. As always did he stood out, especially compared to how understated Harris looked in his dress shirt and black pants. The blue tie he wore was the only bit of colour in the entire outfit. 

Brandon walked casually over to my bed before practically jumping into a seat on the edge of it. The whole thing shook and creaked under his sudden weight. When he was finally settled he folded his legs, his hands intertwined as he rested them on his knees and looked directly in my eye.

“Hey, what’s up kid.”

Him sitting so close felt weird combined with that intense look.  Out of curiosity I tried reaching my senses outward,  Harris felt the same as he had before but Brandon on the other hand… It was like there was a void where he sat. After that I noticed that he smelt like wet dirt, freshly cut grass, and a hint of rotten egg… Was knocked a little off guard by it and ended up coughing as I turned my senses inwards again.  Thankfully the smell didn’t stick around but I just added another check mark to the list of why I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand what Brandon’s deal is.

“Hrk… urh… I think… Ugh Harris said you were head of archives or something right? Shouldn’t you already know?”

A smile creeped in again, seemed like my lapse in focus was caught on to, but he didn’t feel the need to comment on it.

“Do you really think I read everything there is to read?”

“Uhh…Maybe?”

“Wrong, I only read the juicy stuff, the real primo gossip.  Those office ladies love having new bits of drama to chew on and I’m always open to being bribed. Assuming we aren’t dealing with classified stuff of course, you’ve gotta have a line somewhere. Plus it would screw with the good thing I got going on, and not pay off enough to cover the trouble.” 

“Uh huh… So did you actually want something or are you just getting weird and close cause sneckdraw told you to?”

“Snecky’s been out of it for a week.  He’s not the brightest bulb in the closet, but even I figured he’d realize how fucked up we was after you dragged him through.”

“What I dragged him through?! I was the one hanging upside down for who the fuck knows how long, while that magical shit of his chewed up my goddamn insides.”

“Yes you were, but he was still the sucker maintaining those magic circles to keep you that way. Since you didn’t get a chance to make a break it’s safe to assume things kept going the whole time. It’s a real brain drain, but it’s more spiritual humbo jumbo than that implies.

Knowing him, his plan was to stay in the meatland and recover without any time loss, but instead got screwed over when he was handing you off, and got dragged into treatment and observation. Since they aren’t sure what long term exposure to the place does yet.”

“Good, means I’ll just get to relax and do nothing for a while.”

“Now I wouldn’t be here if that was the plan would I? No, you’ve forgotten to ask about something important.”

“What’d I miss?

“The question you should have asked was ‘what happened to Integrity?’ You killed that little flesh worm and never even asked about them afterwards! After I lent them to you with such kind intentions. I’ve killed people for less than that, I even got hassled for doing it!”

“...You're making it sound like I wasn’t immediately swept up in more bullshit almost instantly after that. It slipped my mind with everything else going on!”

This whole time Harris was just silently watching as he leaned against the wall.  Looking glad to not be involved in this mess, but just as interested in seeing where this was going.

“Who forgets about a divine relic that saved their butt?  And after you treated them so roughly… It may have stopped moving but it was sloppy work, no form or passion! Just smashing down over and over like a darn caveman.”

“...Given the way you’re talking I assume you took it back then?”

“Not so much took it back, more of a Sneckdraw threw it at me and left to check something out.”

“Then everything's good.”

“It would be but that’s the thing, it was a mess but it wasn’t the worst performance.”

“Okay? Where are you going with this?”

“I’ll teach you how to handle them properly, and if you manage to keep up I’ll let you keep it for a little longer.”

Harris had finally stepped in.

“Brandon, that’s not a decision you can make on your own.”

“Who’s going to stop me? Ownership has to be willingly handed over to get the full kick out of Integrity. I guess someone could try and kill me, but no one has tried, I wonder why?”

Given the reactions going on here Brandon's confidence wasn’t misplaced. 

“...That may be the case but why Mills? You’ve been provided with more than enough applicants that were properly prepared and trained for that duty.”

“Yeah, I read em and all the interesting one’s crack before it gets good. If they can’t keep up with the training, some other freak down the line is just gonna kill them and take it for themselves. Integrity deserves someone who won’t let them down when things look rough.”

This was getting strange I needed to ask;

“Uh if this shit is so important why the fuck did you even lend it to me in the first place?”

“Eh, I figured that anything involved with the junk you were dealing with would just burn from touching it. They aren’t a big fan of the unholy, and can take care of themselves around it. Plus Snecky was keeping an eye on you, and I know he can handle Integrity.”

“Why not just give it to him then?”

“He’s got his own weapon already, and I don’t want integrity to get jealous and be left out high and dry. Their owner needs to be attentive and respectful.”

“Then why Me?”                                        “Again why Mills?”

Harris and I said that exactly at the same time. I couldn’t even pretend to be offended, but still! He wasn’t someone I wanted to be on the same wavelength as. In fact I still haven’t fully nailed down if I should still be upset about him shooting me after what Ken said. Or if we're just gonna pretend that didn’t happen and move on. 

“Sorry, but you know exactly where I’m coming from.

I appreciated the ‘sorry’ part from Harris even if it was likely more out of habit than meaning it. It was still enough reason for me to stop putting so much thought into this, and bring our attention back to Brandon, who was now rubbing his chin. It seemed like he was thinking pretty intensely till…

“It seems like it’ll be a good time. You might not be the smartest Kid Mills, but you’re really good at smashing your head into problems in a relatively safe way till you figure things out. It’s a habit people who end up sticking around have.

“You're not wrong about that per se, but it has to be on record that I tried to stop you two. I’ll need some give to work with since I plan on saving my own neck if this goes south.”

“Don’t worry about that Harris. I decide what stays in the archives, and what mysteriously gets lost due to unforeseen circumstances. I’ll make sure that you hated every second of it, at least on paper.”

“Then if you really plan on teaching Mills how to use that thing it has to be done under strict observation protocols.”

“Fine with me. Heck why draw this out, let’s get to it now.”

This is going too fast, and frankly pretty aggravating. Intentions might have been good, but I am not in the right head spaces to deal with any of this shit.

“Jesus Christ, both of you stop making plans when I haven’t agreed to a single thing. I don’t know why you’ve got it stuck in your goddamn skulls that I’m just a bottomless fountain of energy, and can instantly shake off everything that’s happened. Sorry I’m fucking drained, and being drugged, chopped up and then thrown back here when they’re done harvesting my flesh sure as hell it not helping me chill the fuck out. I was told I had two weeks before anything went down, so give me my goddamn two weaks or I’m going to fucking lose it.”

 Brandon blinked before he reached out and ruffled my hair. He was too close and the fact I was sitting up in bed with nowhere to go.  Not possibility of dodging and I have to suffer the fucking indignity.

“Take it easy kid.  You’re right, you’re right.  You’d end up like Snecky if we kept pushing you like that.”

“Don’t touch me.. And I’m glad we agree, so how about you both leav- Wait a second.”

I should work on figuring out how the censorship crap with Lucy works shouldn’t I?  I’ve brought her up to Brandon, would it block him out too even if he was aware of her beforehand? It’s not like I’ve got a reason to push off testing it.

“I’m going to try something, it might seem weird as shit to you two but it needs to be figured out. After I got out of the hospital I met a woman in an alleyway dressed in a white suit, she had strange purple eyes and a weirder voice.”

Let’s start with that, they were just staring at me before Brandon piped up.

“Uhh, did you have a stroke?  What do you have to figure out?”

Shit already being blocked out, and even the past conversation didn’t save Brandon from its effects.

“I got advice from someone to tell Sneckdraw to sleep more, and he instantly changed his tune.”

Let’s try being vague, maybe that’ll work. The two of them glanced at each other, and Harris shrugged and shook his head. Fuck even that was blocked out…

“I met the Devil, she was pretty hot.”

Then maybe something absurd? There’s no way anyone who’d take that serious-

“...Harris I think we should give Mills some room, seems like he’s short circuiting. I guess he really does need the break.”

Shit this looks bad, okay… okay… Spelling it out?

“T H E space D E V I L space I S space L U C Y.”

Nothing, and shit they were leaving!

“Hey wait, what if things were blocking out shit I say.  How bad is that?”

I don’t even mention her or anyone on there that has-  Sounds of a ticking clock filled my ears and suddenly I was standing in a black abyss, and a voice spoke behind me.

“You always leave me surprised Mr Mills. If you intend on provoking me I hope you have a good reason to do so.”

I turned around and there she sat at an ornate desk in an equally fancy chair. I forgot how this felt, my heart was beating like crazy, I kept forgetting to breathe and sweat fell from my head.

“I.. It’s been a while.”

“I’m sure it has been. Now if you would Mr Mills, explain yourself.”

“I needed to know how far it went to see how screwed I am.”

“Are you satisfied by the results?”

“It seems fucking bad…”

“Have I ever shown you ill will?”

“No, but it’s not like you say much of anything of substance… N-no offence”

“And Kenneth says far too much, why don’t you come out as well.”

Just like that he stepped out from behind me, standing next to me with his hands in his pockets.

“Can you blame me? Nobody tells Mills anything. I’m sure you can respect the need to ‘balance the scales’ from time to time.”

“Truths you bury in lies and absurdity, it’s an interesting method but rather rude to call a good friend the Devil.”

“It’s close enough when you’re compared to the abandoneder”

“Interresting, you’ve managed to maintain your connection to the void.”

Ken suddenly wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me next to him. It was only this close that I could see that he was sweating. When combined with how tight he was holding on to me shit seemed dire.  He might be hiding it well but he was fucking scared for the first time.

“Mills’ is a good host, he might not look like much but he’s got shit figured out. Leaves me room to pull some strings.”

“He is, you and I on the other hand still have much to talk about, preferably without any interruptions. Now Mills…”

“Yeah? Uh I mean yes Ma’am?”

The pressure in the air made me feel like I was going to fucking die and it got worse when her eyes locked on me. 

“That little game of yours was interesting this time, but don’t think I’ll allow it a second time. As long as you continue on this path, we will meet again and I hope we remain on good terms.”

“Right… Can I ask-”

“Don’t push your luck Mr Mills. Now Kenneth and I have much to talk about, so if you would…”

She said it with a smile and before I could get any other response I was alone in my room. A cold sweat fell down my neck. Fuck, she didn’t feel like that before…  Or was I just incapable of grasping what she was before? Why did she want to talk to Ken? Why can she even see him!?

Shit… Shit, shit, shit, shit… I guess I figured out what I was aiming for, but I pissed away the opportunity to get anything from her.  

I fell backwards into my pillow and stared into the ceiling, I’m still where I started. Maybe I sure have used my senses, but I think that may have just made me go crazy, or straight up dead with no inbetween. Ugh, even thinking back to what just happened makes my head hurt… I still had shit to ask Ken too, what if he can’t say shit anymore after their conversation… Was I actually worried? No, that's not possible… I’m just overwhelmed, take it easy, calm down.  You’re still here, and the next while is going to be nice and peaceful.  Just breathe…

[myhatisblue]

The things he must be used to by and unphased by at this point is crazy

nighty night, don't let the bed bugs bite!!! something stupid n quick n simple bc im tired zzz Mills belongs 2 @/myhatisblue

[myhatisblue]

Their limbs are supposed to be longer and super lanky intentionally, but man it feels weird to draw it like that.

[myhatisblue]

The most important otp, also nice blood

QUICK anatomy (and blood) practice, once again using Mills bc im fucking sicccckk im fuckin siccckk!!! Mills belongs 2 @/myhatisblue

[myhatisblue]

scribb

[myhatisblue]

Damn part 10 we're in the double digits now.

I can’t even begin to express how much hate is burning in my goddamn chest. The goals simple just make your fucking body work under pressure! It’d be easy, I should be able to do that in my sleep! No, no, nope no no, no fucking way.  It’s not fucking easy, not when the piece of shit in my goddamn brain keeps piping up the second I have something going.  Oh how’s the weather!? What ya thinking about!? It’s a good thing you’re into that kinda stuff! HOW IS THE GODDAMN VIEW? 

Oh it’s great it’s so fucking great. I love being strung up! Shove the constant suffering down my gullet. I'll just lap that shit up!  I definitely didn’t break up with a chick because she was too goddamn hardcore with that kinda shit. Oh yeah, yes I’m going to beat the shit out of everyone, I’ll hire a fucking exorcist, every bit of suffering is paid back in full and I’ll drag every one of these bastards to hell. 

God… Okay… Reorent… Breathe. Maintain…  Fuck, at least if it was a fight even if I was getting my ass handed to me every time I’d get the smallest of chances to strike back. The goal would be in view, the progress easy to pin down. This… I need the patience of a monk, or I screw up and my insides start to feel like they're being split apart. I’ve passed out so many times, spent hours on end trying to break the chain but nothing ever gives. For a while I held on to the idea that at some point Sneckdraw would have to let me down, even if it was just for half an hour, hell I’d take ten minutes… But those magic circles, I couldn’t have even predicted how fucking cursed and cruelty they were. The worst of all of them 'removes all inconvenient bodily functions’. Put simply I didn’t need to eat sleep, or even fucking shit as long as it was active. It was the center piece that made this hell so inescapable.  Even when I snapped for a bit and tried biting those goddamn bands again, or chewing my goddamn wrists open… The bands didn’t react or break.  And no wound was ever deep enough, it always fucking healed…  I tried everything, nothing was in reach, the chains never broke… It was a hell designed specifically for me…

When sneckdraw did make an appearance this high up in the tree, he came with vials filled with a weird red and purple substance that he’d poured onto the magic circles. It had to be feeding them, and keeping this trap so carefully maintained… I begged, and even fucking cried for him to stop this shit… and all he ever said was ‘Complete the given task.’

Only when all other options were finally burnt away, and my mind was close to gone that I reached clarity. No matter how many plans I tried to form, it was all worthless. Just like a man couldn’t stop the rain from falling, I could do nothing else but breathe.  After everything unnecessary was cut out, all that remained was my heartbeat. It was in that constant beating that I found the flow I was desperately searching for.  As long as I focused on that and only that, could I finally block everything else out. Everything spread outwards from there, and not even ken could break through when I found that foothold to cling to.

The pieces finally fell together, only to shatter to pieces when Sneckdraw moved from spending most of his time sitting on the throne, to sitting on one of the branches close to me…  It turned out that this was the next mountain to climb. His body is always screaming, every fiber begging for release. The routine I’d managed to maintain control even against Ken’s verbal bombardments didn’t hold up against a crashing storm of eternal suffering. The longer he sat there the more obvious it became that he shouldn’t be alive. Everything inside of him was broken, yet by some goddamn miracle here he was still very alive… 

Lucy must have played a role in why he’s like this, maybe it’s even part of the deal he made with her… Given he also had a watch, and hasn’t gone and even told Brandon about her. It’s likely he couldn’t say anything… He’s shown enough to basically say that he can’t die.  At least not by any traditional means. Put down for a while, sure, but his flesh heals and breaks down over and over…  It was a fucking nightmare, and he was not going away.

I was back to square one, learning how to walk all over again.  It was gone everything was fucked up and ruined by his presence. Impossible to ignore or block out, growing only louder if ignored… It was too much, I can’t do this all over again. Just let me out, I don’t care if there’s nothing after. Make it fucking stop..

I asked him why he was doing this, and for once Sneckdraw gave me something more.

“I have ripped everything away from you, and a few steps further I could erase every inch of you.  Had Lucy not interjected you would be long since dead. Yet there in lies the conundrum, never once has she made a request so directly.  I spent a decade chasing after her ghost with no results, yet out of nowhere she appears… All to save you.

Taking that into consideration and all the information you have provided… What do you think that means?” 

He was lessening the pain that’d been digging into me for so long somehow… He wanted his words to land when my mind was clear. 

“...Why the fuck does it matter… if you’re going to keep dragging this out just fucking kill me you son of a bitch…”

Without warning or time to prepare I was hit with a blow straight to the left side of my face. Telekinesis hit like a goddamn trunk leaving my mind spinning and my body swinging thanks to those goddamn chains. 

“You do not understand, she cannot be refused. To do so would bring untold suffering that would not end simply with your death.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before pointlessly caressing the hit area with a hand.  

“How is this better than death? You leave me to rot in here for three goddamn years from my perspective. The only keeping me together a voice in my head that I still don’t fucking know if it’s imaginary or something just as fucked up as everything else here. 

All to build up senses that couldn’t possibly be understood by anyone else. Senses that almost immediately left me broken when I finally managed to escape.  If you’d just jumpped in here fucking one time during that isolation…  I would have been able to work on this on my own terms. Instead of this fucking torture you’re pretending is training.”

“It is undoubtedly cruel, yes… But these lessons must be carved into every molecule of flesh. Words alone will never hold the weight needed to build a proper foundation.  There remains a single truth that you perhaps have not realized, or have chosen to ignore…  You hold the keys to our reality, whether we like it or not humanity’s continued survival depends on you maintaining control. It does not matter if you never wished for this to happen, we must face the reality placed before us.”

“Then step the fuck up if it’s thats goddamn important.  Eat my heart and handle this shit yourself. I won’t be able to fuck things up that way.”

“It could never be so simple. Everything that has happened, and  the specific order it did, built up to what you are today. I may not die but the risk of corruption remains. You are the only one who could ever truly sit atop that throne.”

“Sneck… I can’t do this. I just can’t block out the screams from every goddamn nerve ending that your flesh vomits out…  Ken was nothing compared to this… I can’t…”

“You do not have the means of forcing me to move, and I will remain here until you have mastered what is needed… After you conquer this, will I be assured that you will never stumble like you once did. Only then can you gain any sort of freedom and earn even a speck of trust.”

“Trust?! How the fuck am I supposed to get past what you’ve been doing here?!  Even if I climb this fucking mountain what’s the point when all that’s left is anger and spite.”

“It does not matter, hate me if that is needed. For without these methods you will only cause untold suffering to any you dare care about.  That will destroy you in ways far worse than any of this will.”

“Then make up for this… I can’t keep going without a goal to cling to… After all of this I am going to fucking murder you, and you’re going to let it happen. It still won’t even be a fraction of what you have coming after all of this but it’s what I’m willing to take.”

“You are aware that there will be consequences If I allow this… Until I recover you will not feel even a moment of peace.”

“Even if it was worse than all of this, I’ll still have a smile on my fucking face.”

“...Then grow past this, and reach the point where you can land a single blow on me. Only after that will I allow you to fulfill this request if that is what you think is required.”

“Oh it is, and I won’t be fucking kind. I’m gonna enjoy every second and make you regret all of this..”

“A threat is easily spoken but rarely reached. I wonder if you'll be capable of leaving even a fraction of that claim. Many have tried and few were worth remembering.

“It’ll be goddamn unforgettable... Now shut the fuck up..”

There it was. With that simple change in goal perspective shifted. The death wails his body bled were now so much more.  Every sense disturbed was now information to harvest. Each agonizing scream, eventually locked in on and used to build the nightmare I had in mind. I’d know everything about him, where to hit, what to break and sever first. And most importantly of all, I’d know how to make it hurt, and last as long as goddamn possible. Sure he’d get back up eventually but It’d be a while and would not be a peaceful recovery. 

Deep down I knew it’s a waste of time. Sneckdraw’s just being ordered to do this by someone higher up in the pecking order.  Yet he’s still the asshole putting this shit together, his guilt's just as deserved as the rest. So… if he wants to fall on that blade and take responsibility for all of this… I’ll accept his sacrifice. I’ll even pretend not to see the strings being pulled behind him. I’ve been given enough reasons to want monsters dead, as long as we align on that I’ll choke on this fucking poison.

By then it didn’t matter long it went on for. Pain came and went, and I was learning more and more with those crashing waves. Sneckdraw was a mess, and all of it circled around how fucked up his brain was.  That hunk of meat spread its rotten reach through his blood. Not saying it’s fine going into his skull, just that it's far worse coming out. That poison just gets absorbed as it travels, breeds infections, cysts and eventually makes shit go necrotic. What kept it all healing after that well, I couldn’t figure that part out. There didn’t seem to be a source, at least not one that came from any internal tissue. Even the crap his mask pumped into his face only seemed to stop the cysts from taking away his hearing, sight, and breathing. Given those areas didn’t seem as loud as the rest it must leave things real numb.  Knowing Sneck, anything more than what the mask provides would make it impossible for him to work. Wouldn’t be sharp enough to win a fight if everything was like that. So he’d just take that pain out on anyone else unfortunate enough to go against him.

It pretty much all meant that the worst thing I could do to him was to leave him maskless. That would just be too slow, and frankly boring…Whatever goes down needs to be bloody, a scene so goddamn disgusting I’ll be able to close my eye and reminisce over the good times when ever he’s being a piece of fucking shit.  

 I guess his limbs are in a pretty bad state so crushing the shit out of those wouldn’t be fun for him. Really most normal blows would land once his telekinesis was locked out. Maybe smashing in his skull is the best first move… Though he’d just stop processing anything after that point. Really I think just systematically curb stomping every bone till it snapped and then the skull may be the right choice. It’d work out a lot of that anger I’ve been stuck with.

Those little plans were what kept me going, Ken wasn’t showing up.  I’d assume because he was getting a kick out of where my brain was heading and didn’t want to interrupt a ‘good thing’. Sneckdraw though…  Occasionally he’d pipe up with some strange statement or question after not speaking for what’s probably days on end. 

“When frustrated you often resort to repetitive expletives.  It speaks of a man who lacks a lexicon vast enough to express himself further than the phrases he clings pointlessly to.”

“Lexi-who…? Ugh… Man, I don’t want to hear language tips from you of all people. What with you and all the  ‘you are, let us, it is, i am, who is…  Contractions exist Sneckdraw, it just makes you sound stiff as fuck every time you go on like that. That monotone voice doesn’t help either.”

“If I am to talk, the words have earned their right to be spoken… They do not deserve to be shortened or removed. Silence would be far more proper if I was to forsake that.”

“...Ugh, that makes it sound like decades of baggage.”

“We are crafted by our experiences. Every choice exists for a reason.”

“By that logic me telling you to fuck off or fucking stop is the same shit.”

“...Hm.”

Little moments, never any purpose or reason.  Likely just passing thoughts that for some reason Sneckdraw felt like bringing up. Maybe I’m just discounting the fact that even he gets bored after long enough.  I spent most of the time with my eye closed, so who knows how long it’s actually been.  I don’t even know if I’ll be able to walk after all this hanging upside down… The reasons to hurry this up are apparent enough I don’t need to add more shit to worry about on top of it.

This over exposure thing was evidently something that worked, even if I wished it didn’t.  Sneckdraw was becoming easier and easier to ignore. It’s not that his problems went away… They were still loud as hell if I let them reach me. I’d just figured out how to lock everything else out by turning my senses inward. Long as they had a point to lock onto, nothing would be able to break the flow. Knew my heart was the secret to piecing everything together, it just took time to adapt to the new challenge.  After enough practice I didn’t even need to close my eyes. The whole thing became just as natural as breathing. It was only after that, that Sneckdraw hit me with his final exam. 

Without much warning or preparation I was grabbed and pulled towards him. The chains seemed to slack just enough so I was floating within reaching distance of him. And then he held out his hand and with a single finger poked right in the middle of my forehead.  

The effects were swift and harsh.  In the blink of an eye everything turned grey, and sneckdraws eyes went from red to nothing but black. It seemed as if we were stuck in that moment, until the arm stretched out suddenly ripped open the flesh and bone growing to impossible lengths and wrapping around the top of my skull, leaving me blind.

“My king… Please…I pray for you to free us from the bonds placed upon our flesh.. Let us experience the euphoria of the ancient flesh and lead us towards turth… Show us the shape we were meant to take…”

The voice was slow… Spoken with sneckdraw’s throat but a guttural note clung to every word spoken… This wasn’t how it should be, it may have sounded close to right but that wasn’t fucking him… Hearing his body scream was more metaphorical, not words but feelings hard to describe as anything else.  These were actual words, not from the person but from the flesh that constructed him… As hard as I tried to break his grip it continued to wrap around my head.  Until I just finally answered.

“Go fuck right off!  I’m not giving you shit, you sit in that goddamn husk and you fucking rot. That’s what you goddamn deserve and I hope you choke on it you son of a bitch.”

The grip tightened, a low growl was slowly growing.. But then… everything just melted away, and the world returned to how it should be… I quickly pushed his hand away before just saying;

“Don’t ever touch me again.” 

“Impressive… You have maintained control even against direct contact.”

I can’t bring that up, too many questions, and all of them would just land me in a deeper pile of shit. I don’t know what that king crap was about.  Though Ken’s comment about how the ‘king of roaches’ thing and how it would be funnier later was what immediately came to mind. He’s the one to ask, not anyone here.  I won’t get any fucking peace if I just bring that up with no information on what the fuck just happend… Just move on.

“Yeah, now let me the fuck down. We’re done here.”

I didn’t even get time to react before I was falling to the ground. Even if I wasn’t strangely worn out over that encounter, there’s no way I could have caught myself after so long. I didn’t have to as Sneckdraw stopped me just as I was about to hit the ground.

“Did you have to take that so fucking literally?!”

“I was simply giving you what you wanted.”

“Son of a bitch…”

“You will be leaving and returning home. Come back in 2 weeks, Harris will take charge of your monitoring.”

“But I still have to-”

“You will get what was requested. I told you that you must land a blow on me. For that you must learn how to fight, and you are in no state to do so now.  Enjoy the break you have earned, and the training will continue in 2 real weeks.”

“No, no, we’ll do it fucking now I’m not going to wait I fucking earned-”

I was suddenly flying and then crashing into the trunk of the tree. Before I could even try and get up a needle had landed right in the side of my neck.

“Goodbye, I may be done here but there are tests to complete before you may return home. It is easier for everyone this way.”

“You bitch, you motherfucker, you piece of shit cock weed get back here… I’ll fucking gut you.. Rip out your eyes and… Fu..”

It hit too goddamn quick…  These goddamn drugs must be made out of some fucked up shit… There’s no way this is mundane… It shouldn’t be this fucking quick…. That goddamn void… It was going to devour me all over, and there was nothing I could do… It wasn’t supposed to end that goddamn quick.

I won’t let this keep happening…  Sleep may hit for now, but I’ll find a work around before I fucking die.

[myhatisblue]

Part 9, it shorter this time!! At this point I'm just going for as long as my brain wants to keep it up.

It wasn’t that long into my recovery time that I started to fall into the old routine. I cut out the sense extension work for obvious reasons, and was putting time into exercising. Running was most of what I could do right now. My arms were definitely healing at a decent pace but it was still unnerving to see those black bands stuck to them.  Have to assume the magic part of their whole deal is what fucked me up more than anything. I’d fallen a few times while learning to climb the tree, and the damage from that recovered in a few hours. 

I wasn’t gonna push my luck too far, but those bands still didn’t move no matter how I tried to maneuver them… Maybe I could just cut off my arms and grow new ones. It’d get rid of them for sure. Though after losing an eye I’m not exactly in a rush to gambling limbs away… Plus if they were able to keep track of me here there’s no doubt they’d be on me the second I pulled anything. 

Makes me wonder why they’re on the arms, you’d figure the neck, or legs would be more effective. Guess if I try thinking like someone fucked up, both of those would cause longer lasting injuries, death or completely ruin functionality.  If you still want them working afterwards I guess the arms make a little more sense. It could also mean that there's more to be added, but for now this was judged as what was needed to handle me.  Given the results it’s hard to argue…  

Still, just thinking about it feels so fucked up, like I’m not even human to them… Really hate that it ended up being those goddamn bands that saved me from completely losing it. Ugh… I guess it was best not to think about too much, I don’t exactly notice them on even with the damage, so it’s easy enough to bury and forget for the time being.

Harris and Twig ended up jumping out pretty early on.  Twig was easy to understand, they had information to process.  Harris on the other hand just said he had some classified things to attend to, and that Sneckdraw could handle making sure I didn’t ‘cause trouble’. He was right, but I just kinda expected them to stick around the whole time. It was a little more freedom and a load off my mind so I wasn’t going to object. 

After a while, running started getting far too repetitive, and my arms weren’t as bad as they used to be…So I got ambitious, I had time so I may as well expand my little base of operations. Makes more sense to do now, then when I was fighting for my life. 

My first go around was dedicated to getting flooring down.  The routine of working until I died, sleeping, and getting back to it started all over. Sneckdraw would occasionally stop by and watch, never actually saying anything.  Not from lack of effort on my part, but any prodding I did ended in single word responses or nothing at all. After a while of this I just gave up and accepted he’ll just be spectating from time to time. There was no breaking through that kinda wall.

After some consideration, it seemed like this place needed two more buildings. The first one was kinda like a warehouse. Something huge with two floors. Turns out multiple floors throw in a lot of expected problems.  The first time my supports were pretty much nothing but the outside walls, so the second floor collapsed on top me.. Hurt like hell but unlike my arms that shit fixed itself quick. The more painful part was that Sneckdraw was watching at the time. His posture seemed almost loose for just a few minutes, and it almost sounded like he was laughing. Another reason I wanted to die to add to my ever growing list. At least I got lucky that the cement under it also broke so the blood and hunks of meat were easy enough to send back to the rest of the flesh collective. 

It’s just shit you don’t think about, I guess thats why people study for fucking years to design buildings. I need more of a plan, so it was time to take a break after that fuck up. When I needed to get ideas out there had been only one really good route that worked. Sure it ended badly when it got a tad crazy looking. But the old reliable method of drawing with blood on the cement was still effective for small stuff like this. As I was about to start drawing, I heard a ripping sound from behind me. When I turned towards the sound Sneckdraw was holding out a pen and a piece of small paper he’d ripped out of a small black journal. 

“Use this, experiencing another outburst would be inconvenient.”

“Ah thanks… So you keep a journal still?”

“It is a necessity. The mind can lose even what it treasures most when placed against the unrelenting passage of time.”

“Makes sense… Are you going to say anything about what happened or are you intending on keeping up the silent treatment?”

“It is not time yet, there are too many unconfirmed factors.”

“Maybe I could-…”

“No.”

He left soon after that and I couldn’t help but sigh he’s still so goddamn awkward… It didn’t matter, I need to work out how I should handle these supports anyways. The mistake I had was trying to make it into one large room.  To pull this off I needed to both support the top floor and the roof… I could just make a bunch of pillars and call it a day, but if the goal is for me to be able to hear and observe what's going on the better route is probably to split it up into rooms. With maybe one bigger room.  I think an entrance area would be good too. After that I can line the edges of the building with different rooms. 

The size of the equipment Twig used was a solid enough starting point for what the offices would need. If I made sure there was plenty of room for that and more it’d probably serve most uses. I’d just fit in as many as I could, and make sure to keep the relative center clear. That’d be where I could put the huge room, I could even extend from the first to the second floor. I mean  if the worm I’d killed was the size of stuff that’d be dealing with in the future the extra vertical space makes sense.  I did throw a few pillars both for structure and my own listening reasons. It may not offer the same coverage that the full walls did but it would be enough.

The second floor stayed pretty simple, with just offices lining the remaining space and a balcony around the huge room since looking down might be useful given the size. I kinda forgot about it till the end and had to throw the stairway up to the second floor in the entrance area. 

That other building was easier, given I’d learnt a lot from the warehouse, and its use was simpler. Having a place for people to sleep so they aren’t bothering the hell out of me, or stealing my bed was the next problem I needed to solve. So I just made room for a large cafeteria, and crammed in as many rooms as I could for sleeping quarters. For the time being it was two floors of mostly just things needed for day to day life. It’d be easy enough to expand if the need ever came, but god I hope that never happened. That’s too many bodies wandering around, when the 3 of them that were here already kinda drove me nuts.  By the end of it all I think I spent more time filling that one with furniture than actually making the building itself. 

My little base camp was looking pretty good. Given I largely just used rectangles and squares to throw everything together I did a fair amount with the skills I had. Of course for my own sanity I made sure it was all a 15 minute walk away from my house beforehand. There was also a part of it all that was a tad unnerving, I’m sure I’d get used to it with time… but a small voice in my head said that this place was starting to almost seem how it used to be when Descry was around. It ate away at the sense of accomplishment, I knew it was dumb but the thought still sat like a stone in my gut.

Funnily enough, it had finally become my chance to watch sneckdraw. For some reason without me saying anything he’d gotten to moving all of twigs crap. It was interesting watching those massive machines deconstructed and floating past me.  Sneckdraw looking forward utterly unphased with his hands resting in his coat pockets. There was likely hundreds of pounds of weight there if not thousands… 

Jesus he’s a goddamn monster, I forget sometimes but there it is… Worse still my arms were pretty much fully healed. The peace and quiet was going to end after I slept… There’s no more excuses, I was going to be forced to face the walking infection that was Sneckdraw… 

I had one more final touch to add, and it was one that felt like it was more for everyone else's sanity… the sky had been as red as everything else here for so long. While night and day would be annoying to deal with in a lot of ways, adding some blue and clouds seemed easy enough. I had enough reference, I spent a long time just looking up trying to clear my head when things were rough.  It was risky but I wanted it to look like the outside world, and not the constantly moving and shifting that the clouds in this place used to do… I did kill the shit out of that worm after all, so why not try and push my luck by using something from the real world.

I closed my eye, the memories were easy enough to dive into. I can’t even start to count how many times I’d sat on a wooden crate at the back of the restaurant. Cig in mouth and just staring up thinking about getting the fuck out of there. I didn’t have any attachments left, I could just drop everything and disappear. A pretty lie that things would be so much goddamn better anywhere else.. It always ended there and then, no grand escape, just a doused cigarette and dive back into that endless repetition. 

When I opened my eye the sky was indeed there but it was largely just Ken leaning in taking up my vision. He didn’t even give me a chance to enjoy my work before he was going on again.

“Look at you, actually using real memories on this place.”

“I killed that primal nature thing, what’s left to be afraid of?

He started laughing, you’d think it was the funniest joke I’d ever made.

“What?  It’s dead, we both saw it.”

He just started laughing harder, and I just had the rub the bridge of my nose while I waited for him to finish fucking dying.

“Ahh haha… God… Really?  You can’t kill something’s true nature, at best you put it in time out for a while. It’ll be back, in one form or another.  That things gonna be clung to your back until you either accept it and feed into it, or die.  It wins out in the end regardless.”

“You couldn’t have said something before I fucked with the sky then?”

“Memories are all the same, they just work like a coat of paint you slap onto this mess to make yourself feel better. More substantial in terms of weight and structure, sure, but outside of here it’s still just meat. 

You not wanting to use outside memories here was just another way to make that separation problem you’ve got going on worse. So why would I stop you from doing something smart?”

“Ugh… Go away, Sneckdraw was just wandering around anyways...”

“Sure, sure… You enjoy dying tomorrow and for the rest of the immediate future. It’s gonna be a great show.”

“Huh… And here I thought you were only okay with suffering when you’re involved."

“Wrong, it’s okay when it’s not causing me trouble, then it's all a good time. Otherwise I might need to deal with the problem. Plus, there really is something satisfying in seeing you get exactly what you signed up for. Maybe afterwards you’ll figure out why they’re just a bunch of pieces of shit.”

“...?”

I can’t tell if he’s just fucking with me, or if he means what he says.  He got fucking pissed about the Harris and Twig stuff. Yet Sneckdraw murdering me is fine? Is he even consistent about all this or does it just change depending on his mood?  Again I’m trying to understand a person who gets his rocks off fucking with me… Not the brightest idea but it still stuck in my brain as strange.  He was already long gone by the time I decided to get up and go to sleep. There wasn’t a reason to push it off anymore. 

It was so nice to see my little house empty and back to normal. I practically crashed into the bed and just enjoyed the feeling. Even if it was meat deep down, it sure felt like a real bed when it was like this. I bet falling asleep was going to be a nightmare… How the hell will I ever do it when I know what comes tomorrow… It’s just such a goddamn pain… It’s already becoming hard to keep my eye open. It feels… Off. Was something… ugh it.. doesn’t.. matter.

Spinning… It’s all Spinning… Christ my brain felt like it was trying to leak out of my skull… I was up so high… Why is the ground real far away?  Why can I see tree bark leading towards the ground…

“Your ankles are currently shackled and chained. Blood will pool inside your head, I advise you to avoid that.”

Sneckdraw? Sounds like he was above me… Took me a bit but I finally managed to maneuver around enough to get a good look up.  He’d made a fucking mess of the tree without me knowing. There wasn’t just one magic circle engraved into the tree but 5. Each glowing a bright blue, the same blue also came off the chains wrapped around my legs. And among the branches Sneckdraw stood glaring down.

“Jesus Christ… Hey, hey, hey… Let’s calm down and talk-”

“Conversation is not needed. You can only control your own body, all other distractions have been frozen for the time being.”

“If you can just do that why the fuck am I hanging here?!”

“It is resource intensive.”

“Fuck off with that. What am I even supposed to do like this!?”

“Stoping the blood from pooling in your brain is likely the most imperative solution for the time being.”

“Oh right! I’ll just tell gravity to fuck off, or hey… here’s a better idea: let me the FUCKl down!”

“You will remain here until you are capable of controlling your flesh even under extreme circumstances. Given the nature of that power you carry, gravity should not pose a problem if you manually manage your internals.”

“How fucking long is that gonna be?!”

“That is a question only you can provide answers to. Goodbye.”

“Sneckdraw?  What the fuck do you mean good-”

He jumpped, landing gracefully on the ground and walking towards the throne in the center of the fucked up flower field and sitting down.  He was fucking serious…  He was just fucking watching. How was he so goddamn confident nothing's gonna go wrong? If I’m fucked up the land here should be acting up. He’s not gonna be able to stop it, neither is he gonna be able to make it up here if shit goes wrong. I’m alone, shit shit shit…

Okay, okay calm down… I just need to manually control my blood so it’s not fucking up my brain. I’d already had to relearn this, it should be easy… Right?

I was so fucked. It was a battle against both myself and gravity. I needed my brain working to get the blood cycling like it needed to, but the downward pull was dragging everything towards it. It felt so fucking heavy in a way that can be fully captured with words. Everytime I thought I had it going right a single slip up sent a shockwave of pain through both my mind and internals. It didn’t make sense why it hurt the way it wasn’t like normal pain… There was a strange vagueness to the location; it was both everywhere and not at the same time… Obviously those magic circles were doing more than just keeping me from just freeing myself using the flesh far far beneath me. They had to be amplifying the hits my brain took if I failed. Shit…shit shit….

“I admit I kinda just assumed he’d spend most of the time just beating you up. This is more creative than I expected from that old ghoul.”

I let go of the air I’d unintentionally been holding in. That was a voice I never thought I���d be so glad to hear.

“Ken! Thank god Kenneth! Help me out here.”

“Nah, the train of thought is pretty good. If you can’t even control your body fully, anything going forward ain’t gonna stick.”

“No… no no no… Don’t tell me you’re siding with him!  Don’t you fucking hate him?!”

“I do, more than you could ever imagine, but this is the hell you threw yourself into.  So figure it out, I’ll pop by again later.  Or when you’re on the brink of either physical, or mental death, whatever comes first.”

“SON OF A BITCH! DON’T JUST FUCKING LEAVE TOO! KEN, KENNETH!? YOU IMAGINARY FUCK! GET BACK HERE.”

He was gone…

There was only one way out, no matter how much screaming I did… When I imagined what this whole training thing would look like I assumed it would just be fighting all the time. Being broken all the time, but getting back up over and over… This is so quiet, and understated… All I can do is close my eye and lock in my senses. The days were going to be very, very fucking long going forward. 

[myhatisblue]

Part 8, more character interactions before training hell begins.

There was one thing that was becoming real clear…. Twig was going to drive me mad long before Sneckdraw even got the chance to beat the shit out of me on a daily basis. I was in the middle of lab hell, blood had already been drained and Twig was messing around with their strange machines.. When it seemed like my time was spoken for everyone else took off. Harris said something about wanting to look around.  He seemed to for a while but had settled down by the beach. Sneckdraw had observed Twigs work for a while before silently leaving. Watching him go answered the question as to how all this lab crap got in here. The flesh door seemed like a problem I only had an answer for, but telekinesis turned out to be just as qualified an answer.

He made his way to the tree as soon as he left. Whether I like it or not I know exactly where everyone here is at all times, and it’s frankly a pain in the ass.  That was more thanks to Sneckdraw than Harris or Twig of course.  It may not have happened, but it sure as hell felt like every step Sneckdraw took on uncovered flesh risked infecting it with his plague.  It was a lot of sensations hitting all at once. Leaving my brain fried in both an abstract sense, and a mental one thanks to Twig. 

“Have you ever considered removing or maybe losing a limb in an unfortunate accident?”

“No Twig I haven’t, I’m kinda attached to those.”

“Not even a finger? It would be very useful to find out if you’d regrow it, or if it’d be like the eye and incapable of recovery. I bet you wouldn’t even notice a missing pinky.”

I couldn’t help but just stare at them as they traveled around the room.  Among the many things they’d flooded my makeshift house with was an office chair that Twig seemed to favor rolling around in. They seemed to move to and from different machines, occasionally pointing some odd piece of equipment at me before looking back at several screens around the area they’ve taken over.  It was all connected and powered by a generator, that I assume was powered by the strange glowing cylinders that stuck out the top. It kinda ruined the bare essentials look I had going, even though it was almost completely bare before… 

I finally got around to responding, not that they’d noticed the dely. 

“I get that you’re here for the future of science or whatever you're selling it as but can we maybe not use me as a lab rat when my arms are already busted?”

They rolled back over to the bed and shined a light into my eye that produced a strange clicking noise afterwards. Then they were back to their computer placing that odd pen looking light into a socket seemingly made for it.

“I’ll leave a note to test that next time you’re in a medically induced coma then.”

Typing was the only sound that pierced the air as I took in exactly what they’d just said.

“That… Thats really fucked up, you do know that right?”

“Is it?  If anything it always seemed more like a blessing. You aren’t aware of any pain, no potentially damaging effects from overly active thoughts, and it would let us compare your body’s composition to that of the flesh here without having to distract you from any further activities.”

“I’m sure it sounds great to you on paper, but how the fuck am I supposed to trust, or even talk to someone who’s actively waiting to drug me and shred me to pieces?”

That was what made them stop typing before looking at me with a strange melancholic expression on their face. I may not have known them but it was apparent that the tone of their voice dulled significantly.

“I’m pretty sure nobody really wants to act like this… You just have to. Sure you hate it for a while, look for better outcomes, or a missing piece of data that would let you keep hold of your standards.  The main issue there is that the enemy has no qualms about crossing that line of no return. 

It forces a situation where the only way to truly save lives is to forgo what holds you back. Only for it to turn out that even after all of the sacrifice year after year more threats continue to break through every defence laid out before them.  We get better, and all it leads to is them matching the pace. It’s a very frustrating existence. But when you find even the tiniest bit of hope among that pit of vipers you have to do everything it takes to make sure it lasts.”

“Hope? Don’t tell me you're talking about all this.”

“We already have proof that you can replace organs. Yes, there’s still work to be done to figure out how it will perform over a longer period of time, but the potential is limitless if all goes well.  If we expand this on a wider scale, we may have the ingredients here to cure even the most severe diseases. Or the means to replace any lost limb not with prosthetics but with real flesh and bone. It's a venture anyone in the field would dream of dedicating their life to!”

“But you’d be letting something cursed in every way imaginable out into the real world. What if it consumes a person entirely, or grows its own fucked up thoughts? It’s a piss poor idea that won't do any good. It’s not some magic cure all like you think it is.”

“That is why we test all of the variables. It may seem completely mad from your perspective, or perhaps even cruel but isn’t a little pain worth it if millions survive worse? 

Plus It’s exciting to be at the forefront of a brand new area of study. What can we uncover, what can we do with, and without your involvement.  It’s simply exciting.”

“Exciting to you but my goddamn hell.  What would even be left of a person’s mind if it’s constantly being flooded by information from all those ‘cured’? It’s hard enough to just be around people. How the fuck do I manage all that?!”

“That’s an aspect that we’ll have to work on disarming before we start any sort of live testing. You can’t change the world with sloppy work after all, and you're potentially far too useful to let rot away as a side effect of shoddy work,”

“Changing the world?  How the hell can you say that without any hint of embarrassment?”

“You’ve already done it though.”

“Ugh It’s not like I wanted this, or that I was aiming for anything other than just making it out alive… Shit was a lot easier when my biggest issue most days were assholes sending back plates because they don’t know what a steak looks like prepared how they wanted. Hearing a mid rare is moo-ing because it’s a little pink was frustrating to no end.”

“Guess it’s better for everyone you ended up this way then. Someone with more drive would already be trying to profit off it..”

“That… it gets complicated when it’s wrapped up in so much death. Hard to feel good about anything I pull off thanks to this place, beyond a few passing moments.”

“Then isn’t using it to help people the best way of making up for it? I’m sure the other Eldritch Lords would be upset by it too if they’re aiming to end everything.”

A loud ding caught Twig’s attention and they went back to typing.

“...You can’t just go from asking me to chop off a limb, and the promise of a drug induced coma in the future to that… I immediately want to tell you to fuck off, but then I agree with the last bit, it’s so goddamn fustrating.”

“There’s a lot of sides to everything, even if we’d rather boil it down to bad and good.”

“I guess…  Hey I meant to ask, how’d you know that drugs will even work on me now?”

“When it seemed like you were dying on the beach back then, I had to feed you something to help. Your reaction to that and the healing serums are enough to prove that most things still have an effect. 

Oh! Remind me to show you the footage of how everything reacts when you’re stoned someday. Things start wobbling and twitching, and the eyes spin around and around.  It's fascinating to observe. I’d be quite a sight to see something stuck in the middle of it... I bet it'd be like going through a meat grinder.”

“Ugh so avoid drugs like the plague… if I go crazy here, ones that just fuck with my head and not force me to pass out would likely be real bad.” 

“Huh! You’re right, we should test that when you are in a better state… For now though I’m done with you, you can either stay where you are and take it easy. Or go out for a little while and see what the others are up to. Just avoid stressful activities, and limit your aim movement while you’re out.”

“I’ll go take a walk…”

Twig waved in my direction but was staring intensely at a wall of text, graphs and strange images that I assume were micro close ups of something. I left, but couldn’t help but think that I should make another building later so they aren’t constantly in my bedroom… I could probably make walls to spit up rooms but this seems to just be the start. It’s just a matter of time before more people start taking advantage of this place. Plus… If I can extend my senses into the walls maybe I’ll be able to use that to keep tabs on what they’re doing.  It might be missed if it’s set in place early enough…

I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn't mentally prepared enough for the conversation that I needed to have with Sneckdraw yet. So I ended up going to check out what Harris guy was up to. When I made it to the beach he was just sitting there, looking at the ocean. His e-book was still in his hands but he seemed lost in thought. I was pretty far away when he turned around and greeted me with a nod the old guy must have pretty good hearing… 

It was hard to know how to start a conversation with a dude who’d shot your body but he seemed aware of that and tossed a box of cigarettes at me.

“A peace offering.”

A disposable lighter, followed after. His offering was smart, so I sat down next to him. The mood was dampened when I found myself struggling to get the lighter working.  Even if my hands looked fine enough, there was still some damage that bled from the lower part of my forearm past my wrists and ended about half way into the palm area. Sure they moved vaguely where they needed to go but accuracy was still a goddamn bitch. 

“Pass it here.”

Harris had given me some time to fail before he stepped in taking the lighter and helping me light the cigarette hanging from my mount. He handed it back for later use, but fuck it felt pretty pathetic. I wasn’t given much time for those thoughts when he spoke up again.

“I’m a little surprised you’re here, I would have thought you’d avoid me like the plague.”

“Probably should honestly, but I need a little more time before I go talk to Sneckdraw.”

“You aren’t the first person to say something to that effect. He’s a hard one to hold a conversation with. I’ve heard you get used to it and that he’ll start to talk more overtime but few last that long.”

“It’s gotta be weird to be talked about the way he is, it seems like a lot of people are scared of him.”

“That’s what everything about him was designed to do.  He could have picked a different mask, or helped people understand who he actually is… But I don’t think he ever could, more friends means more things to lose.  Eventually after all the grief, sometimes all that’s left is the job. Even worse when you get old.

That’s why it’s important to maintain a healthy work life balance. Having a hobby helps keep you from getting too deep in all of the doom and gloom too.”

“Like you and reading?”

“Ah well… I’ve always had a soft spot for romance. It’s nice to take a break from this bleak kind of business, and spend some time in a nice fluffy place where love is what matters. It makes it easier to live day to day. really 

Plus got my wife into them after hearing me ranting about how dumb the leads were in different books on several occasions.  It started as her wanting to figure out why I’d keep reading something that I just seemed to be annoyed by. Only to end up just as wrapped up in the affairs, and drama as I am.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I exhaled smoke.

“Jesus christ, you go from pulling a revolver on me to casually reading porn…”

“Spoken like someone who's never read romance. It’s about the build up, the emotional struggle, the ups and downs, conquering it all and finally realizing what the heart truly wants. What the payoff turns into is just a small piece of the picture.

And I used a normal bullet when I was eventually forced to pull the trigger.”

It was almost impressive how he was able to jump from one mode to another. One second smiling about his hobbies and wife. To almost immediately knocking me off guard once a subject related to his occupation came to the forefront. His eyes had a lot to do with it, there was a darkness there that only seemed to grow deeper as time went on...

“...A normal bullet?  Do you just use armor piercing ones or something?”

He dug into a pouch that hung off his hip and threw a revolver round at me. I don’t know how he expected me to be quick enough right now to catch it, but I got the feeling afterwards he’d forgotten the arm problem. After I plucked it out of the sand and started to dust it off, I almost immediately became aware of how cold it left.  On further investigation the strange markings carved into the metal revealed themselves.  Runes I guess, but they felt and looked different than the ones carved into Integrity. 

“Magic, they have to be hand carved so be careful with it.”

“Someone carved this in themselves?  Shit’s so tiny and elaborate though…”

“It takes a real master of the craft, pretty much why they need to be done on higher caliber bullets.”

“Huh, there’s no way to automate that?  I mean there can’t be many of these out there, fewer people who can even make them.”

“Magic will always need a human’s touch in one way or another, and much as it hurts my pride to admit it she’s better with her hands.”

I was about to ask who the ‘she’ was in that statement, until I saw a tiny heart that seemed stamped into the bottom of the casing. It was so small and easy to miss, but the imprint was clear as day once you noticed it.

“...You fell in love with your arms dealer?”

“I prefer ‘artisan of arms’ more, it sounds cuter.“

Bullets made with love… Kinda the last thing I’d expect out of this world.

“I don’t even know your wife but she already seems too good for you…”

“Don’t I know it…”

“So what’s it do differently than a normal bullet?”

“After impact that one freezes everything in a 5 foot radius give or take. Its effect is wider if it’s shot into a source of water too or blood as the case may be.”

“Huh… Let’s see it then.”

I held the bullet back towards him, and he took it and returned it to the pouch.

“I can’t here, next time we’re outside though I will.  Just don’t know how it’ll react here.”

“Huh… good point.”

He stared out at the sea before rubbing underneath his chin. Contemplating who knows what, it was time to enjoy the smoke. The smell was nostalgic, brought me back to better days for a little while, and calmed me down better than anything else ever could. May have quit for a while but now more than ever I needed the escape.  

Eventually Harris broke the silence.

“You really are taking this whole thing pretty well. You’ve brought up the being shot thing a few times, but I still figured you’d be more upset.”

“I should be, but as aggravating as it is I can see how things went the way they did…  If anything I’m more frustrated that I put in all the effort to making things work here, and all its done is fucked up how I am out there.  

You guys had your part to play in all that as well, but you're trying to do something about it now even if it’s late at the very least. Plus you were working to get off on a good foot. Ken’s was right though, you better replace that carpet and fix the hole you made.” 

“What’s with you two and that carpet…”

“Gotta think about the resale value.”

“True enough, but I bet there’s more to it.”

“If you want a serious answer then I just want to have a place out there that isn’t tainted by all this… Dried blood and bullet holes aren’t good for that.”

“I understand, I’ll do what I can to make sure it’s handled by the time you make it out of here.”

I nodded and put out my cig, before getting up and stretching a little and dusting myself off.

“I’ve put it off long enough, I oughta go deal with Sneckdraw.”

“Good luck, try not to get gutted.”

“...Uhg...”

I didn’t look back after I left, the tree wasn’t far off but it was still around a 5 to 10 minute walk from the beach. It’s strange to be left alone to think, normally Ken-

“Normally Ken shows up to save your ass from that big scary brain of yours.”

I almost jumped out of my goddamn skin as yet again Kenneth appeared out of nowhere and was now casually floating alongside me while I walked. 

“You’re back.”

“I’ve been here and listening the whole time. If I showed up at any point before now, those bastards would have never shut up.”

“I guess, but what's with you and that language?”

“That’s the language of the void. Aren’t you impressed that I'm so well versed in ancient cursed languages?”

“But why are you?”

“I was born of it, so it’s ingrained in my being as much as it is yours now.”

“Sounded like nonsense that hurt my head.”

“You’ll pick it up over time, though it’ll likely just sound like English to you by that point.”

“Weird… Well what are you thinking about all this?”

“That you’re a stupid bastard who should have just crushed everyone here with the land they stand on hours ago.”

“Sounds like a standard Kenneth response.”

“You got beaten, shot and then fried with electrical magic. Were then poked and prodded and stabbed with needles and told you’re going to keep being treated like shit. But what I loved the most was when you went and had a smoke with the man who shot you while he talked about his fucking wife. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don’t get it, I just don’t fucking get it…”

“I couldn’t give you a good answer if I tried. Maybe I’m tired, or just overwhelmed… Your warning makes this shit complicated, you’ve put us at the center of the coming end times. How the fuck can I be upset about shit that’ll heal, when hell marches forward?”

“Giving them a warning was more than they deserved…”

“It’s what you had to do though, honestly I thought it was over and they’d never see the outside of a cell again.  Can’t help but assume that’s largely due to what you said.”

“Glad you’ve realized how much I sacrificed for you Mills!”

“Ugh… Shut up. Sneckdraw will catch us talking somehow if you keep it up.”

Kenneth looked pretty pleased with himself by the end of the conversation… God I give him anything close to a complament and he starts acting like a fucking kid with a new toy. I bet if he had other people to talk to he’d be gushing about what he pulled off… 

By the time he disappeared I’d reached the tree.  It was hard to grasp how huge it had gotten. Now it towered over everything and served as a remarkable landmark. I knew he was here by feeling alone. Really I don’t think I could ignore where he was given the poison he spews out. It was just a matter of nailing the exact position down, but that ended up being a solution he provided himself. 

He jumped down from one of the highest branches falling at incredible speed before slowing towards a masterful stop. The metal hair like attachments of his mask swayed, and his eyes bleed red glowing light. It was dramatic, over the top, and yet the malice of it all remained.  If he wasn’t so short maybe the impression would be worse, but that could just be an unexpected advantage of his… It’s not what you’d expect out of a ‘legend’ as Twig put it so I’m sure he’s encountered more than his fair share of assholes who didn't take him seriously… 

He stared at me as the light from his eyes died out. It got awkward quick, too much time was passing, he was obviously waiting for me to make the first move, and had the patience to make sure the outcome went in his favor.

“I didn’t get to say this before but it’s been a while…”

“Do not bury what it is you truly wish to know with worthless greetings.”

Ugrhhh… His voice, how close he is, and the medicinal smell that just seems to cling to his skin…  It’s just so goddamn off putting, how the hell didn’t I notice it before… Couldn’t help but be glad that he wanted to cut to the chase.

“Why didn’t they hear what I said about Lucy properly?”

“A deal was struck, now that the oath has been forged she can no longer be spoken of to those unaffiliated with her already… What is it that she gave you in return for the knife?”

“...A chance to fight you after everything went down…?”

I couldn’t fully grasp what he was thinking with the mask on, but if I had to guess It’d be ‘are you fucking serious.’... Again silence was left to take over… I sort of just fumbled out whatever came to mind to explain.

“My brain was pretty fucked after everything, and I thought, man… shit’s gonna keep getting worse if that conversation you two were having was real. I mean if things were going to be trying to take this place over, what if I fucked up trying to solve the problem myself? They’d have a way into the real world.. So I figured I’d need to get over my problems with you or else shit would be fucked…”

“And the only answer you were capable of producing was to fight me…?”

“You were kinda an asshole half of the times we met… I needed to work that shit out somehow.”

“....”

The glaring and disappointment from him hit me again, I wanted to jump out of my skin.

“I didn’t know I was talking to the fucking devil at the time so a little warning would have been nice!”

“Devil…? How did you reach that conclusion?”

“Ken said she was Lucifer, just not fully accurate to how the human story went.  Though at the time I assumed he was fucking with me. It’s just become a little more confusing since Brandon’s bat reminded me of her, and that definitely felt holy. Then there’s the part of his warning about those lord things wanting to reach the ‘last divine’ and could that even be anyone else…?”

For a moment it was as if his posture shifted, he crossed his arms and his eyes closed. 

“Sneck?”

He didn’t say or move… I didn’t want to fucking touch him to try and grab his attention so I just stood there…

“Sneckdraw?”

“Leave, I have far too much to consider..”

I thought he was joking for a second but he started jumping up the fucking tree. Jumping was maybe the wrong word, it was more like he was using his telekinesis to push off the ground and fly upwards… The point remained that I was left alone having only gotten a singular answer… 

Until he yelled down.

“Return only after you have recovered.”

…I was both glad he was gone, and strangely unsatisfied by the whole encounter…  I’d thought a lot of what Ken said was bullshit. I mean a lot of it probably was but maybe Sneckdraw got something from it that made this all make more sense… I had planned on this taking up a majority of time, but now I didn’t know what to do…

I sure as hell didn’t want to go back to my room yet given that Twig was still there, and doing any ‘construction’ seemed a little beyond me right now. So one way or another I ended up in the middle of the flower field, With my legs over one of the armrests of the throne, and lower back leaned against the other..  Again left to do not much else but look up and watch the tree slowly sway in the wind.  

Leaves were falling from it every so often now, and when they hit the ‘ground’ they turned back into blood and seeped into the meat. It was a strange reminder of what it all really is under the surface. The whole process was both disgusting and strangely captivating.

Even if I’d expected worse, I really had nothing else to do but rest until my arms were back in working order… I guess I didn’t have much to do for a while but to take it easy.

[myhatisblue]

Part 7, it's pretty much just a long conversation, but I've never actually written a scene involving so many people at once who actually are talking together. It was an unexpected challenge.

If I had the brain power, maybe I could have made predictions. The easy guess would be to assume that I’d end up in a cell.  Somewhere far underground and locked behind 6 feet of steel walls doomed to never the light of day again.  I might have killed a guy on top of breaking the fuck down.  

Yep that seemed most likely… And as it turned out very wrong.  Instead when I finally opened my eyes I was still in my little piece of hell. I must have been moved to my shelter, because I was somehow in bed. The pain was the first thing that caught my attention. My arms were in a pretty fucked up state. The bands must have been removed for a time because they was bandaging beneath them. Even then that wasn’t enough to fully hide the fact that the skin underneath was burnt to the point of being pitch black. Even with all their tricks and the advantages I had here this wasn’t healing fast. My brain’s chain of command felt like it was crippled, meaning my hands and fingers were particularly slow to respond to what I wanted them to do. Still capable of movement but practically useless for the time being. 

When I was finally able to drag my eyes from that mess I was being intensely stared at. I didn’t know who the first person was, but they kinda looked like a tall lanky twig… I’m pretty sure a strong enough wind might knock them to the ground. Given they were dressed in a black lab coat with a blue shirt under it, and the fact that they looked pretty tired, it was pretty easy to guess that they were either a doctor or a scientist.  Their short messy blue hair seemed like a strange choice but I guess they made it work…? They were tapping away at the seemingly vast array of what I assumed was medical equipment, a brand new addition to the home that seems to have taken advantage of all the excess space I’d left myself. 

The two other faces I already knew… Sneckdraw was leaning against the wall near the corner, and Harris seemed to have made himself home again as was using my chairs, reading on one of those e-book things. 

“Great, what a group.. two out of three of you have already shot me.”

The stranger was the first to pipe up.

“If it would make you feel more comfortable I could shoot you as well.  I think I’ve got a staple gun around here somewhere… I assume it could fit the bill since you seem to be using the term shot loosely. Knowing Sneckdraw he likely used a nail.”

“Wow how tempting, but I think I’ll pass. That’s a pretty personal thing and all and I don’t even know who you are...”

How the fuck else could I respond to that  besides words soaked in sarcasm?

“Oh, we've met before on the beach. The first time I saw it the sight was unforgettable.”

My face felt like it was on fucking fire when I put together what that meant. This must be the person Ken mentioned. He was definitely right about them being androgynous, even after hearing them talk I still couldn’t guess. Not that I’d particularly care to investigate the topic. For all I know they’re an alien or some other equally human shaped monster or just a normal dude. It’s better to not know the details.  No right now I’d rather get the fuck out then be in this room.

“I’d been studying this place for months, I couldn’t have imagined that it could be reformed in the way that the ocean was. You also immediately tested the state of the water, that was very convenient and saved much time on my end.

Oh thank fucking god this person was a goddamn nerd. 

“That scar was also very impressive to watch, if you don’t mind could I see-”

“Stop fucking stop, I already wanted to die after hearing about that from Ken.”

Sneckdraw was the one who stepped forward and ended this nightmare of a conversation.

“What they are not expanding on is the fact that they were told extensively not to meddle in the affairs of this place during the test period.”

“There were a good twenty scientists actively debating and taking bets on if he was dead. Somebody needed to go find out, and I was the only one experienced in being here. 

What they forgot to take into account when making bets was that I’d make sure you got up. I cleaned them all out with that one, there were angry faces then but I bought back samples so-”

They kept going on but I couldn’t look away from Sneckdraw, more my senses were immediately locked on how broken every fiber and bit of bone was. I think I might have even interrupted whatever nonsense that nerd was going on about.

“Holy shit, your body… It’s beyond fucked… Every inch of it is screaming.”

There was no reaction or movement, like always his mask hid everything.

“It has been this way for decades, it makes little difference.”

“Come on you’re lying, it’s so goddamn loud, there’s no way that isn’t killing you.”

“Perhaps it is, but what worth does that hold for one who does not die? It is a mere distraction.”

Harris didn’t even look up from his book when he spoke up.

“We’ve been trying to get him to retire for decades, he’s too stubborn to stop no matter what anyone tells him.”

“You bring that up again, after what you bore witness to?”

Harris didn’t respond but all three eyes had moved towards me. I had a pretty good feeling about what they were all thinking about.

“What exactly did Kenneth make me say? I heard it all but that bit at the end felt wrong.”

Looks were shared and Sneckdraw was the one who provided an answer.

“A dead language without a name, said to bring forth the end times. The translations were purposely lost to avoid that outcome, but the effects were still documented.  It was said the mind rejects the mere utterance of it.”

Harris put away his book and looked towards the floor.

“It may not have a translation but any word of it basically means ‘the end is nigh’... We were blessed that it wasn’t instantaneous, but taking the rest of Kenneth’s story into account paints a grim warning.”

Sneckdraw hadn’t stopped glaring at me. His dying flesh was still impossible to ignore, but he’d kept enough distance, and the cement further dampened the effects. If he made contact with the fleshy parts outside, or got any closer to the actual me it’d be a fucking nightmare. Again he took control of the conversation.

“Are there any further insights you can provide Mills?”

“Insights huh… Uh I think I met those other ‘Eldritch Lords’ Ken mentioned… met might be the wrong word… It’s more that I experienced them? I dunno.”

All three of them ended up saying variations of ‘you what??’ at the same time. 

“Uh… after I ate Descry’s heart, I ended up seated at a table in the middle of space. I heard a lot of voices I couldn’t understand, and shapes that might have been something… I was a little too busy to take in much more since Descry’s was trying to eat me from the inside out at the time. I ended up using one of the golden steak knives that were set out to stab the part of my chest where it felt like he was, and stuff after that is fuzzy.”

Twig over there was the first to start the flurry of questions.

“How did you manage to break through your sternum with only a steak knife with them watching on top of it!?”

“Uh… I kind of just held it against the table and slammed into it… I think I was pretty fucked up at the time so any other method didn’t seem doable.”

Harris interrupted the twig, before they even got any sort of legible word out.

“What happened to the knife?”

“What happened to it? Lucy, that woman in the white suit took it.”

There was a pause, a strange silence that hung in the air… And then Harris spoke.

“Well it’s good it was destroyed. That would have been annoying to deal with down the line.”

I stared at him completely confused. Did he have a hearing problem? That wasn’t even remotely close to what I said… I looked around the room and there didn’t seem to be anything else weird going on here.  Just as I was about to correct him but noticed that Sneckdraw had taken out a golden pocket watch. He looked at the time and stared directly at me.  He didn’t need words, him shaking his head after that combination of motions was enough.  Given Sneckdraw took it out when he did, it must have been happening because of Lucy right? No that’s not possible right?  I think I remember bringing her up with Brandon, and him not knowing who I was talking about… But… that was before I made a deal with her and took the watch right…?  Fuck it’s been too long…

I knew that was a bad move but hadn’t accounted for it actually affecting things as small as conversations. I was making too many assumptions and guesses, I’d need to talk to sneckdraw alone when I get the chance to really confirm it. 

“Has Kenneth said anything further since you have awoken?”

Can’t be sure if Sneckdraw’s question was one he actually wanted answered or just a way to move on quickly from that conversation. 

“Nope, nothing yet, but he normally comes and goes as he pleases. Didn’t even know he could kick me out like that… He did say I was too ‘fucked up’ to stop him, Harris was stompping the shit out of me so that probally played a part.”

Looks shifted to Harris.

“The alert went off that he’d set off the bands. So I treated it as the threat it was, just like it’s required of the job description. You don’t survive to be my age by taking something already shady at face value.”

The twig piped up.

“He did follow protocol, it would have helped us if you let us know that Ken wasn’t just your mind slipping.  Maybe let him take control for a little while when we were observing?  I would love to know how he made his eye.”

“I told you already I didn’t know he could do that.  And when are you going to introduce yourself or should I just call you Twig to your face?”

“Twig? I’ve never had a nickname that wasn’t ‘doc’ or some variation of ‘nerd’ before… It’s a little rude but I guess the variety is nice. Yeah, let's go with Twig. It’s not like anyone here would be dumb enough to use their real name.” 

Twig looked so goddamn smug but I got the feeling that the other two were chuckling under their breaths when they glanced at me.

“I’m right here.”

“Uh… Well Mills is generic enough that people might just think you worked in a lumber Mill, or really into grain managment…?”

“Sure, go with that… I’ll do you the favor and move on from that one. 

So why the fuck are all of you here?  Kinda assumed after the freakout and killing that guy shit would be over for me.”

Twig was shameless and immediately dropped the momentary embarrassment they were trying to put on, and were quick to dive in on anything that I assume was their area of expertise. 

“You didn’t kill anyone, they might be very bored for a little while but she was pretty pleased about the whole thing. It’s actually incredible because her kidney problems were so well tracked, there’s a ton of points of comparison between the old and new. There are going to be tests to run for months! If you wanted to join the medical team they’d be glad to have you.”

Harris looked exhausted already, and was next to take the conversation over.

“You act as if it’s only Medical nipping at our heels… Everyones salivating over what we should do with him.  Some just want him to stay here and manage The Mills, others saw the footage of the encounter with the worm and say a hunter who is also capable of healing should be the priority…  And the rest have just been given more reasons to think he’s too dangerous to be let outside of containment.”

“Fuck off, are you guys actually calling this place ‘The Mills’?” 

“It’s already the name of a location, short, easy to write for reports, and doesn’t leak much information as to what this place actually is.  Unfortunately for you it was the obvious choice.”

“I’m going to hear and overhear people saying ‘are you talking about the person or the place’ every time this shit comes up till I fucking die.”

“It is the same thing, you are inherently as much a part of the land here as you are yourself. We can not deny that fact”

I hated that Sneckdraw actually said that out loud even more that everyone in the room seemed to agree with him…

“...Why is Sneckdraw even here, aren’t you supposed busy as fuck?”

Sneckdraw folded his arms and Twig responded for him.

“Your negative reaction was strongest towards the agent with the damaged kidney. Since his body is always in a horrible state, Sneckdraw was the obvious choice to help you get over that. Plus being trained by a legend is pretty flattering, normally he just stares and leaves if anyone asks him for that kinda thing.

If you were wondering, I'm here as a doctor, and to collect proper and more detailed logs for the rest of the science team to chew on. They might be able to see and hear everything but even our eyes can miss the finer bits and bobs.”

I expected Sneckdraw to look even a little insulted but he remained as stoic as ever.  The only one who didn’t make sense was Harris.  He was quick to pick up on where my thoughts were going and shrugged.

“You're here, and my job is to make sure you don’t get into, or make trouble.”

“So the hell starts all over again… Kinda hoped I’d get at least a day or two out of here.” 

“That was the plan, but you’re the one who ran away and hid, you’ve only got yourself to blame.”

Harris said that while again getting back to whatever it was he was reading. I had to get out of this one, it wouldn’t be training it would be Sneckdraw will fucking murdering me day in and out.

“But… I mean it took me three months to figure out what I did.  Sneckdraw doesn’t have time to screw around here, if the end times are coming. He’s got tons to do, go out and fight the good fight right…? Right??”

“That is precisely why I am here. We do not have the luxury of time, so our actions must be focused and precise.  My time is best spent ensuring this is done quickly, and effectively.”

I was stuck surrounded, maybe if I tried everything I could I might make it out of a window before the bands around my arms instantly kicked my ass.  There’s no way out… I was doomed to another dive into fucking hell.  Even worse it meant that Sneckdraw was going to get get fucking closer and he was already a goddamn nightmare for the senses from here alone.

“If it makes you feel better, I need to run tests for the next little while, and your arms need to heal before you and Sneck can get to actual work.  So you do have some time to recover!”

“That does not in fact make me feel better…”

“Darn, well  at least you’ll get more supplies and people to talk to this time. I can even go over your results with you, knowing why something is happening is a fantastic way to improve one's situation.”

“...Ugh.”

I’m fucked in every goddamn way, but they’re right that I need fucking help.  I can’t be losing it, just because people in the same neighborhood. It’s dangerous for everyone, and I don’t want to live like that… I want to be able to go home and relax, even if it's a lie and people are constantly watching…  I need that room for my brain to disconnect from all of this. 

Plus at the very least I’ve got time to mentally prepare.  It couldn’t be worse than everything I did here on my own… right?

[myhatisblue]

Beat Mills up he has it coming

this is ass bc im rusty and just either motivation or inspo just not there...especially at doodling hats mills again but i need to get things out oaaugh my brain oaaugh!!!

Mills belongs 2 @/myhatisblue

all this doll talk n doodling been doing made me realize i should sketch out the stupid useless oc worldlore involving them ( Hats Mills not included in this but i missed him)

[myhatisblue]

Part 6

I thought I was done but I had more in me

The rest of the night was nice, at least until I spent some time catching up on what I missed.  All of the news seemed… quaint let’s say.  Drama between rich assholes, data leaks, debates about safety and the decline of society. A bunch of shit that could pretty much be summed up as a regular news day… I guess it’s good that monsters haven’t flooded the real world, but I can’t understand how any of this shit matters, not when I know what's out there. Fuck, I’ve been too deep otherworldly bullshit for too long. Not that I ever checked the news before or ever really cared about it. I guess the world was smaller back then so ignoring problems I couldn’t see was easier. Now everything I’ve got to worry about is shit the most of the world can’t even see.

Still despite all of it, I didn’t really miss much in the three months I was gone.  There were some messages left months ago from co-workers trying to see if I died or not. So unfortunately my logging in was instantly noticed. It was only one guy with a dumb username with an anime profile that I sure as hell didn’t remember. They said something inconsequential, and I just told them I wasn’t dead, just busy and quickly logged off. Maybe they were someone I knew back in the day that would let everyone else know.  It didn’t matter regardless, all of those conversations would be monitored so I couldn’t say much of anything not that I wanted to anyways. I really didn’t want to give people a reason to look for me if I still planned on making use of my home.

Eventually I gave up on the internet and just watched random shit on tv. Harris on the other hand seemed to come and go as he pleased. I could feel that people were just outside in what I can only assume are real fancy moving trucks.  They were so loud, hearts pounded, bones ground against each other with every step, just like their teeth clattered against each after every word. I could feel all of them, and struggled to even process what I was watching.  My brain was fucking killing me. Even my body was getting dragged down by that flood of information. It didn’t take long until I was drenched in sweat, desperately trying to keep my mind contained inside my own body, while blocking out the constantly growing noise.

“This isn’t good Mills, you're drawing too many eyes.”

Ken somehow moved my head around and looked deep into my rapidly blurring eye.  

“Would… love to stop but… It’s so loud.”

“I’d say I’m sorry for what we're about to do, but I admit I’ve been curious and looking for an excuse..”

I didn’t have any say in the matter when my arm moved upwards, and my teeth suddenly bit down into one of the black bands. Something about my teeth felt and the bite felt wrong, like they didn’t fit together how they normally did.  A thought quickly cast away when my mouth was filled with electrical fire. Everything else cut out except for the blinding pain that tore through every fiber. My jaw unlatched but I couldn’t close it fully or even really move. The all too familiar feeling of blood leaking from several places played over and over. I just dug my comparatively unharmed arm into the floor and tried to regain some amount of ground. When it finally stopped I was left a coughing mess on the floor.

“Looks like your leash is wrapped around your arms Mills.  I did try to warn you. At least it was enough to drag you back before you started doing something you’ll regret.”

Just as Ken's voice left a foot harshly shoved me over to my back before slamming down on my chest. The metal barrel of a revolver swiftly pointed directly at my head, and Harris glared at me.

“I think I forgot to make the message clear. Those bands aren’t yours to screw around with. No, it's better to think of them as a kind little reminder.  A reminder that you’ve been given a chance to live outside of the cage you should probably be kept in. 

What you felt just now was the revenge of a single band. You can put together what will happen if the others get involved. So let’s talk, why don’t you explain exactly what you were doing? Or will I have to show you an example of what the whole gang can do for you to understand your predicament?”

His voice was cold and his eyes dark, the tone and posture nothing like he’d been before. I didn’t need to be a fucking genius to put together how dire fucking up right now would be.

“All of the bodies around were loud, it was only getting worse. I was starting to lose my head a little. So Ken stepped in and made me bite the band so the pain forced it to stop.”

“The bodies were loud?”

“Uhh… It’s not like it’s just a hearing thing but the overwhelming feeling is kinda comparable. It’s more like every sense is being hit at once.  I don’t know what else to call them but loud…”

“Uh huh… And Ken… Is that who you were communicating with inside the outer dimension? How was he aware that the band would react like that? And that it would solve that problem”

“Unfortunately… And come on you hinted at the fact they were bad news. I don’t know shit but even I could put together that those aren’t there for my well being. Ken on the other hand is an asshole who he knows about that other worldy junk, of course he’d use it to do something fucking stupid, bonus points if it left me fucked up.”

The foot on my chest moved only to deliver a heavy kick to my side and slamming back down on my chest. Ribs broke, pain was blinding but what sent my head spinning was how goddamn he foot was.  Each muscle, bit of fat, stretched tendon, every single part of him seemed to only draw out my senses further and further.  It was getting louder again, and not just from him more were coming. Shit, shit, shit!

‘Enough of this Mills, I caused this problem let me solve it.  You’re too fucked up to even stop me right now anyways.’ 

Ken's voice had broken into my skull this time, just as I was about to say anything. Things shifted. Instead of being stuck on the ground, I was staring at the scene of myself with Harris standing over me… the worlds;  ‘What the fuck is this…?’ Slipped out without any thought on my end.

Everything was so hazy, and things were moving slow…  In a lot of ways it felt like I was in a dream, the edges of my vision fuzzy and colors strangely dimmed. No one looked towards me, even trying to look at my own hands there was nothing. Fuck. Before I could try anything things seemed to speed up and Harris spoke as if nothing had changed.

“So your answer is to blame the voice in your head? You were under observation for years and not once did he manifest like that. I’ll warn you a single time, lyings a bad idea Mills. Trust’s the foundation of any relationship you know.”

My body laughed, then both of its eyes opened. One normal and blue, the other… the whites had turned red and the iris was gold, that was goddamn Ken's eye it had to be.  That mother fucker.

“Lying? If anything he under-sold it.”

Ken moved my arm and gripped down on Harris’ leg, there was no delay a shot from harris’ revolver fired into my chest near my shoulder. Even in this strange state I fucking felt it, Ken on the other hand just made my body smile and did not let go.  

“Keep shooting old man, Mills is already on the brink, let's push him over the edge.”

“You…”

Vision was shaky but it seemed like Harris had already figured out that it wasn’t my voice coming out of my mouth. I needed to hold on, I can’t let myself pass out right now… I’ll never figure out what’s happening right now if I miss this. Neither Ken nor Harris will be in a rush to say shit about this if it goes south.

“Oh, you disappointed that I’m not just a voice Mills made up? And after you and that group of yours left me to clean up the mess you made.  Gotta say I’m feeling real insulted.”

“Well It’s hard to have a proper introduction when the other party favors hiding behind the scenes. We would have enjoyed hearing what you had to say, but I guess you were too shy till now.”

“I suppose that is true, but if it’s shyness or the fact you assholes make me sick is up to your own interpretation.  Hope you're planning on replacing the carpet by the way. The bloods going to stain.”

“I don’t think that matters, it’s not like you two will be back here.  You haven’t given me a single reason why I shouldn’t just throw Mills in a cell. If anything you appearing means he can’t be trusted to maintain control, you’ve just made the problem worse for him.”

Ken was fucking this up real fast. Shit, shit, shit it’s getting fucking colder too. The smile faded from his face as he glanced over at me.

  “Well Mills you’re gonna owe me one. You want to just lock him in a cage? I don’t think you have the time to be doing something like that. Really you don’t even have the time to be letting Mills struggle to figure out the powers of the eldritch lord of flesh. 

The others are going to notice how he has progressed, even quicker if you let him lose his head like he was about too. Streets coated in bloody roses aren’t going to be something you can bury.

And once the other Eldritch Lords figure out exactly what, and how much mills has already claimed, what do you think the first move will be?”

“I’ll play along, what will these mystical eldritch lords do?”

“Replicate the results, and use them to bypass the last divine’s protection. They dream for an end to a futureless void, why would they care if they have to die to achieve those aspirations? 

They just need to break through that door once, and then this plane of existence will be devoured like every other creation before it. Only then will that last bit of divinity judge them worthy of the end of the old and the birth of the new.

And right now, one of your biggest counters to all of that is bleeding out on the floor. Nice job, well I mean you have already left his mind to wither away for years, so why stop fucking him now?  I won’t be able to clean up this mess for you either so enjoy your pile of shit.”

“You’ve got a good story. It’s the first time I’ve heard about these ‘Eldritch lords’ too so you’ve got creativity on your side, but-”

A twisted grin showing off shark-like teeth wrapped around my hijacked face, and a series of strange word-like sounds came from my throat.  if I wasn’t already struggling to keep my vision from fading the way it echoed and scratched my ears would have made my mind spin. Harris’ face went pale, and immediately he withdrew his gun and rushed out of the room while he frantically dialled numbers on his phone.  

“Like I said before Mills, you owe me one. So be sure to suffer for me while I take a nap.”

Without warning I was slammed back into my body, pain shot through my eye socket and a chunky bloody mess leaked out of it. I had to roll over to let it drain but only then did the pain everywhere else finally process.  Stomach rejecting its contents, and sight almost completely lost. I did everything I could to try and not let my body give out and land up in my own goddamn vomit. 

Keep it fucking together. I can’t keep passing out like I’ve been, and I didn't need to see right to know where that wound was. I gripped a hand into my shoulder and let everything go.  Pull the flesh together, force out the bullet, think only about this. The process seemed slow but maybe that was just the pain speaking. It felt like it was working, my head was still spinning, I was effectively blind, and hearing was a muddled mess but It wasn’t getting worse anymore.  As long as I keep my mind locked on dealing with this I should be fine.

I was fine, at least until my jaw was grabbed and forced open, and a strange chemical tasting liquid was down my throat. It’d been given this before, but that wasn’t the part that had me so fucked up…  It was the hand gripping my face. It made the body of whoever this was louder almost deafening in every sense.   The first organ that captured my senses and started screaming was their kidneys.  They were weak, damaged from what I assume are years of abuse. Their sorrow poured outwards to every other organ connected. Forcing decades of suffering on me all at once, and begging for freedom from it.  It wouldn’t stop, so I made it stop. Dissipated it and remade it with the blood around me. Through muddled ears I heard screaming. 

My voice came out shaky but I tried to explain… 

“I’m… shutting it up.  Sick, too sick…”

They were moved away, not using their own flesh to achieve the process.  Must have been dragged away, and lost in a wave of other flesh. More people were here… My sight was fading, the mess they poured down my throat was draining what strength I had left… But I couldn’t let myself fade out again. Don’t lose it, keep it together, keep fighting.

“Leave… you're all too loud.”

They didn’t approach as if contemplating how to proceed. Still their presence was enough to be a drain on the resources I had left. 

My hands locked around my head, I did everything I could to block them out. Close off what shouldn’t be there… But it wasn’t listening, nothing was listening. The tsunami of unwanted senses continued to flood every fiber of my being. Until it was too much. I needed to leave, take me away even if it’s back to that hell I don’t fucking care… 

As if bowing down to my wishes, that horrible warmth surrounded me, and everything was quiet… I didn’t need to see to know where I was. I’d left the real, retreated to my nightmare, but right now it felt so comforting, I was alone and it was quiet. It was my blood drenched freedom. A peace I shouldn’t be capable of reaching but stole all the same.  

One so fragile that every bit of comfort and peace was struck down in an instant, when the bands on my forearms erupted with a thunderous fury.  There was no fighting back, darkness gripped my heart and I was dragged into nothing again. Yet again the world was stolen from me.