myinnerchildletters

[myinnerchildletters]

4/29/2024: Letter to School-age Child

Dear K,

How are you? I know that you've been stressed lately. Please write down everything that's stressing you out. I mean EVERYTHING, even the things you don't tell other people. Even if your parents tell you (outright or implied) that it shouldn't stress you out. No one gets to tell you what causes you stress because they're not in your head like you are. I can't tell anyone anything, so feel free to be honest. Thank you for telling the truth and writing to me today!

Love,

The Fairy Queen

---

Dear Fairy Queen,

I'm stressed about a bunch of stuff. First I'm stressed about school. I feel sick to my stomach because I have acid reflux disease. I'm doing really bad in math and got a D- and my parents got mad. Acid reflux disease makes me feel a bunch of acid in my stomach, and I have to take Zantac. I feel sick a lot, and sometimes it shows up out of NOWHERE and I can't eat anything, so I'm losing weight and food makes me sick.

I'm also stressed because of the stuff at home. Mom and Dad are yelling at me all the time and it makes me sad and angry. Sometimes I cry. I wish my sister would stop talking all the time because it hurts my ears and makes me do that thing. I'm in trouble all the time.

I DON'T like going places every weekend. I hate going to Six Flags because it's not fun, I just like the arcades. And we're there for so long.

Some of the kids at school are mean to me, what should I do. That makes me stressed too. And I feel sad sometimes and wish i could disappear. i don't know why they don't like me but it feels really bad. I wish I could be good again.

Sometimes I feel like an alien, it's like everything feels fake for a second. I think sometimes i'm an alien (but I don't really think so) because I found my slippers pulled inside out. It makes me scared.

I think I have the flu, too. Theres something wrong with me because I always feel sick. i don't want to tell Mom and Dad because I don't want people fussing over me.

So, as you can see, I'm stressed about a bunch of stuff. The whole world scares me. Thank you for listening to me. I love you Fairy Queen.

Sincerely,

K

[myinnerchildletters]

3/20/2024: Young Child Letter

Hello,

i a so sceared in this pkde its white lie cotton i hsve syyff ovee y face i cant see anything im cold and wet im dying i dit im adraid pease help me im sceared adalonea hre where us mommy help me im aloe im hiding in the closet now

im her plsese find me im waiting for you help me here plese thak u im so hppy t hink u thin u let me out plese ill be freee now

[myinnerchildletters]

11/17/2023: Time to Vent

I'm so frustrated! I'm so sick of this, oh my god. I didn't sign up for this. I'm tired of being an adult. I just want to be 13. I AM 13, who said that I have to be an adult now? Sorry I disappeared that long I guess. But I don't want to do adult things anymore. I just want to be a kid. I don't think of myself as a kid lol but I kind of am.

I'm SO sick of it. Who decided that we have to pay bills and have jobs we don't like anyway? I mean, I like my job, but who knows, it could go away. Life is so obnoxious. We could be doing ANYTHING right now, and we chose this?? I didn't.

Anyway, I wish I could come out more, but I'm a little worried that my therapist doesn't want me to? But I guess she's not against it either. I need to do more stuff, but I'm so tired of all the bullcrap! Why is life so hard? I didn't sign up for any of this!!

I just want to be in eighth grade again!!!!! OK, I can listen to Relient K now or whatever, but it isn't the same.

Sincerely,

K

[myinnerchildletters]

8/3/2023: A Story About Kristine

My friend Kristine gets in trouble a lot. Her parents yell at her at home a lot, and when she's in the car. She doesn't want to go home sometimes because she knows she'll probably be in trouble again.

Sometimes, her parents are nice to her, but other times, they're mean. For example, they were in a movie theater and she got in trouble. Her parents yelled at her several times, and her dad dragged her out of her seat and yelled at her in the movie theater hallway while she was crying. When she sat back down again, she sat one seat away from her parents, but her mom decided to move everyone so they sat next to her again.

She thinks badly of herself and sometimes thinks that nobody likes her. Her sister is her parents' favorite and the "good" one. Sometimes, Kristine gets so mad that she won't talk to her friends at school. But she still wants to make good grades, so she pays attention in class.

Kristine is afraid of her parents sometimes. She doesn't know when they'll blow up. Her dad made fun of her once, which made her feel bad. She told a friend at school about it, and her friend was surprised.

People make fun of her at school for being weird, too. She has two friends, so she's not alone, but sometimes even they're mean to her.

Kristine has trouble sleeping a lot. She has to sleep with a nightlight even though she's supposed to be too big for that. She also doesn't feel like eating much because she has acid reflux disease. She feels sick a lot. Her doctor gives her medicine for it, but she still doesn't feel great.

Sometimes, Kristine cries in her bedroom but doesn't want anyone to know about it. She feels stupid for crying. Her dad made fun of her for crying once. She wishes she could be somebody else. What is happening to her life?

[myinnerchildletters]

7/19/2023: Fears

Let's write down some of your fears, OK?

Darkness

Cold

Being trapped

Parents

Throwing up

Being sick (in general)

Eating too much like a greedy pig

Death

Ghosts

Space aliens

Monsters

Great! Why are you afraid of each one?

Darkness: Because it's dark and scary and I can't see anything, and I feel like I'm trapped. I get scared when the power goes out. What if it's dark forever?

Cold: The cold makes me feel trapped because I can't leave the house, and I just hate the cold in general. I hate it because it makes me miserable and shivery. It's awful. I hate winter because it's cold AND dark. I feel trapped inside.

Being trapped: I'm so afraid of being trapped anywhere. I always need a way to leave. I can't stand being in one place for long, especially all day. It makes me go crazy! I also hate it when the power goes out for this reason. If the power goes out, it's probably not safe on the roads because it's winter or storming, so it's dark, cold AND silent! I hate it!

Parents: I'm afraid of my parents because what if they're not real? Also, when I'm anxious around them, they make it worse. They freak out or they don't do anything or try that "tough love" thing and just make me freak out even more. They're the worst at handling it! Also, my dad and mom scream at me all the time. I hate being around them on the weekends! Mom yells a lot when we're alone, too.

Throwing up: I HATE throwing up. It makes me feel awful. It's so sick and disgusting! It's horrible! I'll probably get in trouble if I throw up, too. I bet my mom won't like it. It's the WORST THING, I hate it! It means I'm sick, too, and I'm afraid of being sick!

Being sick (in general): Sickness means there's something wrong with your body. I'm afraid of catching a virus or dying. Also, you might have vomiting and diarrhea, and that's gross. I don't like staying home from school much because it's weird and dark.

Eating too much like a greedy pig: That's disgusting. People who do that are SO gross. I would feel really bad about myself and think I'm gross and a fatty. My mom probably said once that I would get fat. Sweets and desserts can be gross sometimes. I hate it when other people are greedy. Slow down your eating! Some people eat way too much, and there's starving people in other countries! I wish I could help them! Don't people feel bad when they eat like that, knowing people are starving in other parts of the world? Gross! Also, if they eat so much they puke, that's just nasty! Anyone who does that is a gross, nasty person! YUCK!

Death: I'm afraid of pain, darkness and nothingness. When I think of death, I just see darkness and silence like a black landscape.

Ghosts: Ghosts are really scary. What if somebody came back to haunt me? A dead person? They're not supposed to be here! If ghosts are real, I'm afraid of hearing voices and seeing things and somebody following me around, especially if I don't know about it!

Space aliens: Those are so scary. Creatures from another planet? What if they visit me? Don't visit me, please! I would be so scared! Even if they're nice aliens, they're still kind of like monsters. They might visit me in the dark!

Monsters: I'm afraid of monsters in the dark! Sometimes, when I lie on my side, I'm afraid that something's behind me. But if I lie on my back, I might see something scary. I'm scared of the dark so bad! Anything could be in the darkness! Something might pop out and scare me! I'm so afraid of the dark.

[myinnerchildletters]

7/4/2023: Letters to and From School-age Child

Dear K,

I'm a little worried about the way that the things that have been going on at home with your parents and sister are affecting you. Can you tell me how you're feeling? You can be honest--they're not going to find out, and even if they did, they can't do anything at this point. It's OK to open the box and let your feelings out.

Love,

The Fairy Queen

---

Dear Fairy Queen,

I feel really alone all the time. I'm so isolated. I don't know what family means. It means...nothing to me, I guess. I'm so detached from that word. I was thinking recently that I feel so separate from it, like I'm not part of it. It's like a vague greyness.

I'm tired all the time, too. I'm so lazy and stupid and don't want to do anything. Mom and Dad think I'm just lazy, and that's true, but I have no energy to do anything anymore. I want to lie in bed all the time, and it's SO unhealthy and bad for me.

I HATE "going places" every weekend, and I hate that my mom calls it that stupid name, like it's just something fun and ordinary. I HATE it. I feel so anxious and sick to my stomach. I literally wake up early and just read and try to get my mind off it, but it doesn't work.

I wish Mom and Dad would listen to me once in a while. They think I'm bratty, which I am, but I'm so tired and miserable. I mean, I hate "going places," and yet they think I'm supposed to be happy about it? They KNOW I don't like it, but they drag me everywhere anyway. I hate it.

And I'm so nervous and get anxious easily. I don't even know WHY. It just happens. I think I have an anxiety disorder. Sometimes, I think I have health problems. Mom and Dad say I'm just freaking out, but I'm not! It's real!

Nobody ever pays attention to me, either. I'm just alone. I feel empty inside, and sometimes things feel like they aren't real? It just happens out of nowhere. I just blink, and--boom. It's like I'm looking at the world through a TV screen. It's scary. I notice that it gets worse when I'm playing my Gameboy for so reason.

I'm so tired. I wish I could start over. Nothing feels good anymore. I told my online friend Alisha that I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to. I'm scared about the future and going to high school, too.

I just feel really sick and tired and want to cry and scream at my parents, but I can't do that. Nothing feels right. I don't know. I don't feel right. What's going on with me? Am I going crazy?

Love,

K

---

Dear K,

So, you have childhood depression and anxiety. I didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult, but you tick off all the boxes. You're also experiencing something called "dissociation." When you feel like everything's not real, that's your brain trying to escape reality because of stress.

Daydreaming is a form of dissociation. You've done that, right? That's when you're "taking a break" from reality. However, what's happening now is your brain trying to escape the stress that you're under.

I get that you're under a lot of stress at home and at school and have worries about the future. That's why your brain behaves the way it does. Weirdly, it's trying to protect you, but it's not really helping us, is it?

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you, and you're not going crazy. Millions of people have depression and anxiety that started in mid-childhood, and plenty of other people dissociate, especially when they're under stress.

I hope that helped explain some things for you!

Love,

The Fairy Queen

[myinnerchildletters]

6/19/2023: Repressed Memory (?)

fall fall fall its fall its white ad dark and cold and scary its hospital room people everywhere its cold I'm alone something is touching me something bothering me I'm mcold my body feels cold where am i i feel something its red blood I'm escaping

[myinnerchildletters]

6/19/2023: School-age Child Journal

Right now, I feel: Empty

I feel this way because: Don't know

This is what I wish would happen: Nothing

This is what I want to ask my therapist: Don't know

One hobby I enjoy doing is: Nothing

One good thing that happened today is: Went for car ride

[myinnerchildletters]

6/17/2023: School-age Child Journal

Right now, I feel: Weird and sad and depressed

I feel this way because: Mom and Dad keep yelling at me

This is what I wish would happen: I wish they didn't yell anymore and I wish the things would go away

This is what I want to ask my therapist: Why am I like this

One hobby I enjoy doing is: Art, I like drawing and making cartoons and want to be a cartoonist one day

One good thing that happened today is: The weather was nice

[myinnerchildletters]

6/9/2023: Letters to and From School-age Child

Dear K,

Here's a question for you that I think might help us. It's OK if you don't know the answer. But why do you think you're afraid of the dark? There's nothing wrong with that, but thinking about it might help us find some answers.

Love,

The Fairy Queen

---

Dear fairy Queen,

I don't know I guess I imagine things, like i imagine somethings behind me or I imagine things in the closet, idk, its silly isn't it? Do you ever lie in bed and u turn around and feel like somethings behind you? I don't like the darkness because it makes me feel like my eyes are closed, like i can't see. Its so black under there!

Love,

K

---

Dear K,

I get you. That totally makes sense. You don't really know what's in the darkness, do you? After all, you can't see anything! You don't have anything to be afraid of, but I totally understand what you're talking about. It's great that you want to make decisions for yourself and choose to use a nightlight. Nothing wrong with that at all--I'm an adult, and I still sleep with one.

I do wonder--do you think that maybe something happened when you were little that made you act this way? Something bad, maybe? I don't want to upset you. If you don't remember anything, that's totally fine. I love talking to you anyway!

Love,

The Fairy Queen

---

Dear fairy queen,

did something g happen? i dont know. maybe something happened. i hate the dark and feeling like I'm covered up like I'm blind. I'm so scared of going blind. we went to a mine shaft in bone there once and they shut allt he lights iff and I couldn't see ;(((((((

Love,

K

---

Dear K,

Thanks so much for telling me! I remember that. It was pretty crazy. I love talking to you. Let's talk more later, OK? You're such a great girl, and I love hearing everything you have to say!

Love,

The Fairy Queen

[myinnerchildletters]

5/27/2023: Letter to School-age Child

Dear K,

I would LOVE to write to you more! Thank you for asking and reminding me! Also, thank you for being patient with me. I'm having trouble letting you out right now, but you didn't do anything wrong. It's just me. I'll do my best because I want you to be happy and learn about yourself. I know that I'll learn a lot from you! But don't worry--I'll always take care of you and be your guardian. You NEVER have to take care of me. I'm here for you and to care for your needs. You don't have to care for mine.

Thank you so much for writing to me and speaking up and being honest and true to yourself! I want you to do that more often! Sounds like something that we can do together. We can do lots of things together now that I've discovered you and the rest of my girls :) You're all so special to me, and I love each and every one of you so much, including you! I love you more than anything in the world, and I truly mean it. 💗

Love,

The Fairy Queen

[myinnerchildletters]

5/27/2023: Letters to and From School-age Child

Dear K,

My dear child, what do you want? That's a sincere question. I want to help you. I feel like no one listens to you, and I would like to change that. Please tell me what you want--it's not selfish to ask for things even if people make you think otherwise.

Love,

The Fairy Queen

---

Hi Fairy Queen,

I want Mommy and Daddy to listen to me. And I want to listen to my music and some stuff like that. I want to go to the beach but I know that you said we sometimes can't, which is OK I'm not mad about it or anything. Also I want the kids at school to stop being mean to me! They bully me and stuff and the teachers don't do anything, and Mom doesn't take it seriously either! And I want [name] to stop talking already...because, well you know why. And I want some other things but I don't think I'm supposed to ask for them 'cause asking for things isn't polite? You're supposed to not ask for things? But [name] asks for things...and I want to come out more. But I know you're having trouble with it which is fine.

But I really want some stuff. And for Christmas I want more books. I like to read. And I love it when Tiger gets toys. I love watching him play. One year, he was throwing a mouse around! It was so funny.

So I just want Mommy and Daddy to stop yelling at me, I guess...and I want [name] to stop talking all the time...I'm so stressed and tired of hearing it...and I want to listen to my music....and I want to do well in school.....and things like that...

But thanks for writing to me!!! I love it when you write to me!! It makes me happy. I had a pen pal in third grade, and she had the same name as me!!!!! She lived in Texas. Mrs. Hutson had us write to each other! Our whole class did, not just me :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

So let me come out more, OK? I know you're trying but I REALLY want to come out because I feel less trapped and stuff, and I feel better, and I love writing to you, so write to me more, OK?

Love,

K! :)

[myinnerchildletters]

4/21/2023: Letter from 13-year-old

Dear The Fairy Queen,

It's OK. I'm glad that you rescued me. I can't wait to do stuff again. We haven't read those books in ages! I love going to the mall, it makes me feel like a kid again. Please stay with me forever.

Thank you,

K

[myinnerchildletters]

4/21/2023: Letter to 13-year-old

Dear K,

Please forgive me for leaving you alone in that bookstore for all those years. I'm so sorry that I did that. I can't wait to make up for lost time and have fun together. We're going to do so many great things. We can listen to your music and go to the mall more often and read your favorite books again. We really haven't read your favorite series in ages, have we? But it's a great series, and I can't wait to start reading it again. Maybe we'll get strawberry-banana smoothies sometimes when we go to the mall, too. I'm so glad that I reconnected with you. I will never leave you alone again. We'll be together forever, and I mean that. I love you so much.

Love,

The Fairy Queen

[myinnerchildletters]

4/20/2023: Forgiveness Response

Fairy queen,

I forgive you. Lets be together now forever and ever.

I love you,

K

[myinnerchildletters]

4/20/2023: Forgiveness Letter

Dear K,

I'm sorry that I caused us so much trouble. I've been running from pain for so long (sometimes literally), but I couldn't avoid it. It was still there all along. I'm sorry that I never tried to contact you all these years. You went through so much and were so brave. I'm incredibly proud of you. People said otherwise, but you're such a strong person. Please forgive me for what I put us through. I want to look after you now and help you heal so that we can be happy together. You're so important to me, and I love you. I want to be with you forever. Please let us start over, OK?

Love,

The Fairy Queen

[myinnerchildletters]

4/19/2023: Letter from School-age Child

Dear The Fairy Queen,

Please adopt me. I'm really scared and I don't know what's going on. My parents are always yelling at me. I'm really angry at my sister even though I'm not supposed to be. I just want to get out of here. Please adopt me and let me be your child and keep me away from them forever. They're scaring me and I hate them. And I hate me a little, too. I think bad thoughts about myself. I'm angry at me. Please get me out of here. I'm so afraid that they're going to yell all the time and it's making me nervous and depressed and sad and angry. I'm so scared. Please take me away, Fairy Queen. Please help me

Your friend,

K