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myl0v3yy · 6 months ago

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and so it begins rant #1

SOOOOOOOO (im gonna end up starting all my rants like this arent i…)

i was just sleeping and woke up to a freaking phone call (what a terrible way to wake up when you dont have school [second to an alarm i guess 😝]) and low and behold it was my stepmother calling. it was pretty whack but i didnt think much of it she was in the area so i assumed she wanted to meet up and i was pretty cool with it. WELL I WAS WRONG.

She ended up calling because she wanted to know if my dad had talked to me about their situation (and i guess here would be a nice time to give some background knowledge. so when i was a baby like a year or so old my mom and dad divorced and both have been remarried since i was like 5 or 6 lmao. and basically bout a year ago or something i dont really remember tbh my dad and my step mom were going through a rough patch and my dad sent out a text message that read “Hey kids, Mom just told me she wants a divorce, I really tried to save this marriage but I guess to much damage already done to fix, I really am a good person with a good heart despite what she says I’ve done. I still love her very much but we are not happy and there is no need to drag this on. I just want yall to know I love yall very much and if yall ever need anything we are both here for all of yall, I will be looking for a new place here in (state name) hopefully by March, sorry for this bad news through text but just wanted yall to know before it comes out.”

I was a wreck because i while yes i am a child of split parents I never actually dealt with them going through the divorce. anywho they ended up making up with each other and all was well.) well it WAS well up until this weekend. earlier this week on tuesday i think my dad called me saying he was gonna be in my town and wanted to meet up on saturday. I was down i didnt have anything i just found it kinda funny he spent Valentines weekend away from my step mom but didnt think much of it. so fast forward to saturday my dad picks me up and were about to go out to eat and he asked me if i knew anything about him and my stepmom. (my mother had already told me they were going though yet another rough patch (no surprises here LMAO) i said kinda and he told me that they MIGHT get a divorce and that it would be better than just trying to stay together.

i was okay with that conversation but i also didnt really know what to think because i was just kinda over it because this was the second time i had heard this “nonsense” or whatever. we went to breakfast everything was chill and whatever nice and dandy with that small bit of information. yippie! Anywho the next day roughly the same thing happens we go out for food he takes me go buy some stuff takes me home says he’ll see me later yada yada. the NEXT morning (aka this morning) my stepmom calls me and asks how its going and that shes not currently at home but that shes visiting people for a galentines, whatever. she then asks what i know about her and my dad. I say that my dad told me what was likely to happen and that when she had told me that they were ACTUALLY getting a divorce and i was kinda shocked to hear that they had already filed for a divorce rather than just “oh its a hard maybe”. I was at a loss for words.

this time i was kinda just like, “ oh this is actually happening… cool…” what really got me into tears (for some reason) was when she had told me that she loved me and that if there was anything i needed from her that i could just ask. or call or whatever and she would be there. and i think that hearing that made me cry because she has been in my life for so long it’ll be weird without her but at the same time she was never really IN my life to begin with??? she was always kinda just there. when i was younger i used to go to their house on the weekends and spend the weekend there and stay with my mom for the actual week. then it was every other weekend. then about once every month and then i got to choose if i actually wanted to go over to their house, which as i grew older i saw a little more of their true colors shine through and i just wanted to stop going all together.

after that lovely experience she ended the call saying i love you and how she hopes that i dont fully kick her out of my life but its ultimately my choice. i ended up sobbing and called a good friend of mine (actually waking her up [oops ;-;]) ranting to her and trying to calm down. after i had calmed down i just kinda went on with my life and then my dad called my mother asking if i was okay and if he needed to call me or anything. I just kinda said no not really im okay i guess and yeah. my brother called my mom asking if she knew what was like fully happening and she told him he was kinda like “lmao okay” and yeah.

I dont want to say that either of them are the “bad guy” here but tbh they both fucked up. I feel like as their daughter i have a right to say that both of them are in the wrong. I really dont want to villainize them but at the same time they brought this upon themselves. i know my brother feels the same, he doesnt even really see our dad as his father just mostly as the man that helped my mother make him.

so yeah thats how my day went. pretty cool if you ask me <3 i really feel like this was SO UNNECESSARY for being one of the first things i will end up posting on here. also so sorry for kinda trailing off i was kinda just letting my mind wander while i typed this and just added anything that i deemed needed to be know LMAO. erm if you actually read all this thanks <3 if not thats okay too! i hope that i will remember that tumblr ACTUALLY exists and hopefully i will post something else? anywho thats all i got see ya in my next post (maybe)

#ranting #i dont really know #what the hell #i love it here #not really </3

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