mymonthfromhell-blog

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Hello depression. April 16,2017

So it's been a while, hi, howareya. I got fired from my job. I have my resume up at all times whether I'm actively searching or not because you never know what could happen and they got a call for a reference check so this place could interview me and when I let them know "hey I was approached, I'm not looking but I'm just going to see what they have to offer and that's it" they took that as an I quit. So I've been dealing with that now, nothing like kicking a girl when she's already down. Assheads. On the plus side I was cleared by my doctor and everything looks really good! But after all this time I still don't have my taste back and let me tell you, getting the green light to eat again and then not be able to sucks completely. So I'm in a poor me sort of funk and I need to find a way to get out. Maybe I should take up yoga! Ps. The doctor himself said losing taste is rare, but in my case, with my luck it was bound to happen.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 21. April 10,2017

I took another smallish hiatus from blogging but here's what's been going on just to recap; nothing. I have my post op appointment later today, which I'm excited about, the sooner I know without a doubt those damn scabs are healed the better. This last week dealing with having no taste, no job, and having people show their true colors has been the worst. On the medical side of things, I'm pain free in my throat. I get random comfort issues (feels like swelling but it's not) but that's few and far between. I read online that losing your taste after a tonsillectomy is something that happens,rarely, but happens. So, on the list of "rarely but happens" with this surgery we have the extreme bleeding, the emergency surgery and loss of taste. I can't tell you how awful losing your taste is, finally being able to eat again and everything sucks. Eating by texture is the worst! I literally can not stand bread texture, so donuts or any pastry, hot dogs / hamburger buns and the kringles I bought from a co workers kid during a fundraiser are all out. If my taste doesn't come back I have to live my life without donuts and I am just not mentally prepared for that. Everything I drink taste like water, everything I eat taste like what I imagine cardboard taste like. It's enough to throw a girl into a decent pity party. But, I have my health and after everything is said and done I'm thankful for that. Here's hoping my kids go back to sleep and I can get some sleep too. Goodnight!

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 15. April 4, 2017

If you follow my blog you will see how I spent the majority of my morning, if you don't see the blog below... or just know 💩😰 sums it up quite nicely. After that episode I napped for a while, renewed my Costco membership, hung out with grandma and OH realized I have NO taste in my mouth. I tried to enjoy a delicious blueberry danish and nothin.... it had no taste. So I was naughty and got a Mt.Dew, code red because it's my favorite soda and I figured... why not, nothing. I felt the carbonation but no delicious cherry diabetes flavor. So. Then I came home sad and made some noodles with Alfredo sauce hoping for a small miracle and nothing again. But the 4 noodles I had were filling for me, tasteless and disappointing, but filling. So I get to talk to my doctor about that on the 10th too.... I hope my taste comes back. To never taste pizza, cheeseburgers, whiskey or tacos again would be awful!

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Early random blog: if poop freaks you out this is your warning to stop reading. So I've been having some blockage issues, and I'm taking stool softener already but as I can't eat yet fiber is hard to come by and while I did have a few little releases it wasn't near what it needed to be. Well two nights ago I was literally up all night because of it, couldn't get comfortable and I couldn't sleep. Last night wasn't much better but at least I slept. Today I woke up with HORRIBLE stomach pains and knew it was time. So, my grandma so kindly gave me an enema to use if I needed (because going under anesthesia before blocked me up so we knew this may be an issue, and this time I went under twice!) I headed to the basement shower (it's literally a hole in the wall with a drain and a faucet, nothing fancy, don't judge) and pulled out my daughters old potty chair. Now I'm a plus size woman, I'm a size 18 and I rock that, with that said I sat comfortably on that chair in the shower with the water running down my back... I tell you it makes having to give yourself an enema 1000x's less dreadful. After about 5 minutes of nothing anymore I closed the lid to the potty chair and cleaned up. As a CNA I can tell you everyone's enema experience is different. Sometimes you need that entire 30 minute window, sometimes you don't. Let your body do it's thing! Don't force it, be patient. I think that's all for my random mid day blog post. The things nobody wants to talk about after surgery but should.... poop.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Well, time to throw in the towel and ask for help. After both surgeries, ambulance ride, and ER visits the bills are showing up and... ooof. Since hubby said my throat looked so good I tried solid food today (one mini corn dog) it went down (very uncomfortably) but it stayed down and no bleeding so, yay! Our daughter came home from school and went directly to bed saying her ear hurt, as she's prone to ear infections we took this very seriously and thank goodness we did. After a trip to the walk-in she was diagnosed with another ear infection (that's 2 in a month) and if the trend continues she will be looking at having tubes put in her ears... good thing we have insurance and have already met our deductible! Ughhh adulting sucks. Real food was delicious and I'm so excited to be retuning to it bite by bite, sloooowly. Now to get over the terrifying feeling I get after I eat just waiting for something to go wrong.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 13. April 1, 2017

Small hiatus from social media so I'm catching up. I attempted mashed potatoes today, they did well! Hurt a little going down yet but it felt good to have something of substance in my stomach. Hubby looked in my mouth and said everything was healing well, very little white left which makes me very happy as well. Post op appointment is on the 10th so, I'm pretty pumped to be able to see how it all healed and eat real food again.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 12. March 31, 2017

Today was scary. I have this sharp pain in my left cheek that only appears when I swallow or try to open my mouth. So of course I called the nurse line and left a message for someone to return my call about (but as I didn't taste blood I wasn't tooooo worried) and to my surprise an actual doctor called me back! He said he wanted to call personally after looking at my chart so he could get a clear understanding of my issue as he was the on call surgeon for the night and if I had an issue it was him I would be seeing (super reassuring eh?) I explained the pain and that it was a dull pain unless I moved my jaw or swallowed then it was a sharp pain that didn't last long but was noticeable enough for worry with all my previous issues. He said that my second surgery they cauterized primarily on the lower left side so what I was probably feeling today is that scab begin to fall off. PANIC MODE. I immediately expressed my worry as the last time it fell off there was blood and an ambulance and, AH. He reassured me that this all sounded fairly normal and unless the blood actually came this is how it's supposed to work. But he did understand my over reaction and panic, he said he'd feel the same if he was in my shoes so. I felt a little more sane. "Make sure you're taking your iron supplements daily" well obviously, thank you. I tell ya what, the worst pain I've ever experienced is tonsillectomy pain, then cauterization pain, and period cramps all at the same time... now add being super lightheaded and dizzy because you really don't have enough blood to have a period but because I'm a female that's just how it goes. Ugh. Today was interesting to say the very least. We ended the night (my family and I) by buying the movie sing and cuddling on the couch so all in all, I guess today wasn't so awful. Now off to medicate and sleep. Here's hoping nothing seriously blog worthy happens before tomorrow nights post.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 11. March 30, 2017

Today was the first day I've felt slightly human. I called the on call nurse as I was having some coughing fits and wasn't sure how to handle them, apparently cough drops were just the answer 🙄. Anyways... the wonderful nurse who called back said "oh honey, I'm looking at your chart and oh my sweet girl what have they done to you?! Oh these last two weeks have not been kind to you!" Haha pretty sad when you make a triage nurse feel bad looking at your chart 😂 THANK YOU KIND NURSE LADY FOR THE MUCH NEEDED GIGGLE!!! I adventured to the store with hubby to grab some ingredients for supper and then felt well enough to actually make my family supper which has always been something I love to do. I slept most of today away but that's to be expected I'm told. Here's hoping for a tomorrow as wonderful as this one. Ps. I do still wake up and do a throughout mouth check for blood. It's disgusting how terrified I am that at any moment that could happen again and omg... it's awful.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 10. Or 1, depending on which surgery we count from here on out... March 29, 2017. Well for one day post a second surgery in a week I have pretty decent color back in my face. I feel ok today, but stupid sleepy!!! It was my first day going from sun up until sun down without any narcotics to help ease the pain and I'm so proud of that! It was also the day however my husband got a three day suspension from work. They told him because they don't have 50 full time hired on employees that he doesn't qualify for FMLA so every leave he's taken has taken his vacation or personal / sick time since last April. Now with my sickness and my surgery he barely had any left so he did call in twice due to me. This man works his ass off, literally.. dudes ass is gone. He does the work of two and shows up every day, makes up hours on the rare chance he calls in, comes in on his days off... yeah anyways he's an awesome employee who's been an full time employee there for 5 years. I had a second surgery, via emergency room visit and so he called in to work and punished for it. I hate that place. What happened to family first and not putting money before people?! He's maintenance, they didn't even have to stop production for him not being there. He was told everything that is happening to him is policy and there's simply nothing to be done.... we'll see.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 9. March 28, 2017. The day everything went to shit. Pictures are before surgery and after. I woke up with blood in my mouth at 3 am, so I grabbed my garbage can by my bed and spit it out then I realized it was still coming. So I did what I did the night before and just rinsed out my mouth with cold water and began chewing ice chips in hopes it would clot again, it didn’t. So after an hour my husband took me to the ER, where after another 2 hours (were at 6am) of continual blood vomiting I was taken back to have an emergency surgery done to cauterize my throat wounds shut again. Which means those 9 days of progress don’t mean a damn thing. I have to start all over again today. From scratch. Day one. 😭. Now I have new meds, and my mom gets to hang out to watch my kids for another week while I start my recovery all over again.

Did I mention I lost a quart and a half of blood before surgery and I’m anemic as it is. Today sucked. Plain and simple. Who wants to throw up blood!?! And then for 3 hours straight!?!?! No no no no no. Surgery seemed to have gone well, and this will hopefully help a lot. I hope. Dear God do I hope.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 8, March 27, 2017. Continued. I spent most of the day asleep (after bleeding from my scabs that morning) and then went by my grandmas to rest some more when she showed me these awesome Easter eggs she knit and when I got home I started painting a sign for my moms friends nursery. All in all, a very relaxing day.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 8, March 27, 2017. Happy Birthday Hubby!!! Our daughter picked out an ice cream cake so I could eat too!!! Little did I know that would start my throat bleeding again, I got it under control within 15 minutes so there was no need to head to the hospital or ER on my husbands birthday, but he did get to go into work late! Heyyyy small victories I guess.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 7. March 26, 2017. We adventured to build a bear and almost had a heart attack when we got there, thank goodness we read all the way through. We made a beauty bear and then took my daughter to see beauty and the beast. Walking felt great, the big comfy reclining chair was amazing and the movie was just... ugh. So good. I was sore when I got home but glad I went. Ps. If all you can eat is mush don't let people take you to a good court. Bad idea! So hungry nothin I could eat!

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 6, March 25, 2017

Another quiet day at home, I got to video chat with my cousin who is being deployed to Cuba in the next month, which was amazing. I'm so proud of him! My throat felt ok today so after I took my major pain med I ate Mac n cheese. Solid foods felt great in my stomach but awful in my throat.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 5 March 24, 2017. Another boring day, at home. I colored in the coloring book my best friend brought me when she visited after I got home from surgery. I did venture out only to get my nails done with my cousin who is expecting a little boy this spring and needed blue nails to celebrate and also to meet my friends new little girl. Who was absolutely perfect, born with a full head of hair and such a beautiful face… not a potato like most babies 😂

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 4, March 23, 2017

I don't remember much about that day, I know I sleep a lot and stay up on my meds. I do know I tried pudding and jello successfully this day and it seemed to be alright. Which is a small success.

[mymonthfromhell-blog]

Day 3, March 22, 2017. Warning this post is not for the faint of heart. Yes that’s blood. All blood. My left scab fell of way to early and I spent a solid 30 minutes straight up puking blood. It sucks, it also resulted in my first ambulance ride and a trip to the ER. Where they waited for it to clot on its own and then set me free. I slept most of the rest of that day only waking up for pills. (As it turns out you can’t eat warm soup, only cold things) they never told me that.