mynameischristiney

[mynameischristiney]

URGH. Emmerich Holyblade and I just went to The Ceremony to receive our RPG Job Titles, and he OBVIOUSLY got Chosen Hero Sword Saint. So now he's gonna set out to kill the Demon Lord of Darkness.

Me? I just got Dark Mage. Honestly, it's pretty rare, but the job opportunities are also limited. You either get into covert assassination or dungeon raiding.

God, just because we're the only two kids in The Village, Emmerich Holyblade automatically assumes this makes us friends. He doesn't even realize I hate him and his stupid smug swordsman ass.

URGGHHHH he just asked me to join his Grand Hero's Party. fuck. I can't just say no if the Grand Holy King himself is gonna payroll us to do this shit. Whatever man. Let's rock till the Demon Lord of Darkness is dead, and then I can retire and never see Emmerich Holyblade again.

[mynameischristiney]

My latest cartoon forNew Scientist. p.s. You can preorder my new book of science cartoons here: www.tomgauld.com

[mynameischristiney]

Pipe sprung a leak in the bathroom the other day and the cat came and bothered me about it and I can't stop thinking about it. She doesn't know what a towel or a mop is but she knew there was an unauthorised fucking Wet and she trusted my ability to rectify the situation

[mynameischristiney]

Sapphics who don't like fat girls are so weird to me. You're supposed to like girl. Why wouldn't you want more girl per girl

[mynameischristiney]

Pokemon the anime Was just an extended horse movie metaphor

[mynameischristiney]

Your hometown has “culture,” but does it have a 13 foot, bright orange, bug-eyed t-rex with weirdly human teeth

[mynameischristiney]

It's like idk man, I still wash my paint brushes the way my art teacher taught me how a decade ago. I eat tortillas the same way as the ex I haven't seen in years. You can fly to the other side of the world and the shop will play the song your dad played in the car when you were a kid and it still sounds exactly the same. My hair grows funny in one spot because I got a scar on my scalp when I was six.

Sometimes I reach for light switches that aren't there, that have never been there, because I used to live someplace that had a light switch in that spot. And I think maybe life is about repeatedly reaching for light switches that aren't there. In a few years you'll be somewhere else, and you'll reach for the light switches you have now.

[mynameischristiney]

happy disability pride month and once again, FUCK lazy subtitles. fuck the [speaks foreign language] instead of actually transcribing the words, fuck shortening sentences and changing whats been said for no reason, fuck censoring swearing in captions but not in audio and fuck anyone who says youre being 'too sensitive' for being upset about a lack of accessibility

[mynameischristiney]

oh deer

[mynameischristiney]

Two stunning winners ✨️

[mynameischristiney]

You can't separate transness from someone's gender when talking about trans oppression. If someone has to be stealth and passing to be granted any kind of privilege, then it's not privilege.

[mynameischristiney]

petting me is actually incredibly beneficial to everyone because you get to see me be pet and im real cute about it

[mynameischristiney]

Just made myself so so sad thinking about Aang's marble trick because from a physics perspective, keeping dense spherical objects afloat on an airstream is not trivial, and he's doing it in a tiny little space without moving his hands. Bending is usually very gestural. So. Everyone in the era of the show is, at best, impressed THAT it is airbending. But Aang's an incredibly young master airbender. He wouldn't be acting like this was the bestest trick ever if it didn't take at least some skill; he's a goofy kid but he's also a prodigy. I bet other airbenders were absolutely blown away (pun fully intended) at the level of precision and force and minimalism of movement on display and now there's no one who understands at all why he expects accolades.

[mynameischristiney]

Unfortunately 40 days of not scrolling did not fix me in any way that matters

[mynameischristiney]

after all those years memorizing social scripts to avoid raising eyebrows...the sheer RELIEF of being able to log onto hellsite.com and type shit like "i want to chew through your sternum, platonically" and have strangers just nod like yeah same 👍

[mynameischristiney]

Griffin McElroy you can’t describe a giant spider NPC as being “just a big spider with pants on” and not tell us which legs the pants are on

[mynameischristiney]

yeah man get me the uzumaki sucker