mynameisnotv

[mynameisnotv]

23/3/22

in the words of the great zelda fitzgerald, "i hope it's beautiful and a fool--a beautiful little fool." sound similar? yeah. f scott fitzgerald stole the line from his wife. you might recognize it from the great gatsby, in reference to daisy learning she has given birth to a girl. anyways, on to my point.

i think it's pretty accurate that the best thing a girl can be in life is a fool. to not be aware of how women are treated, to not be aware of how men think of us. it feels like a dream all women who have lost hope in society have for their daughters. but that's what it is. just a dream. because, no matter how ignorant you are, if you present as female, you're gonna notice something men do to women. for me, i was seven or eight when i realized. this kid in my elementary school class was essentially harassing my friend. and like, nobody did anything. they were visibly uncomfortable and trying to make excuses to avoid him. in the end, i was the one who has to tell the kid to fuck off and leave us alone. i was seven. and i was the one who had to protect other girls. not the adults, not the older kids, not the teachers, not our parents. me. a child. i couldn't do my times tables past 5 but i had to protect my friends from entitled motherfuckers.

[mynameisnotv]

22/3/22

musings on men..

ive noticed that when i wear short skirts or low cut tops, or anything that allows men to see more of me i get treated better. this isnt some earth shattering revelation, i think most girls grow up knowing that pretty girls get treated better. when we got a bit older, we realized girls who showed a little skin or flaunted their sexuality got the best treatment. and thats what we did. we peackocked and postured and puffed up our chests in order to get attention from that cute boy in math class. i dont think it was an active choice, more of an insatiable need to please and be loved. if getting validation and attention from guys meant i had to dress cute and wake up early to curl my hair, that was fine. now that i'm a bit older, i've realized thats what i was doing. and the thing is, i'm still so young. i can't even drive alone at night. i cant pay taxes, i cant do so many things. so why is it that i can sacrifice my comfort and my individuality to get validation?

of course, nobody is forcing me to. but it's kind of the same thing as telling girls from birth that the most important thing they can be is pretty. telling prepubescent girls, fucking children, that you need to be pretty.

and i will admit, i wear makeup. i plan out my outfit every night. i smile and giggle when older guys talk to me. because as much as i fucking hate it, i'm still craving the validation of men and the validation that being pretty gives you.

[mynameisnotv]

18/2

executive dysfunction

[mynameisnotv]

17/1/22

i don't wanna grow up. i don't wanna deal with tomorrow or the day after, i don't wanna pay taxes or have kids or go grocery shopping. i don't want the highlight of my day to be that my partner did the dishes. i hate this i hate this i hate this

i want to live some life that is truly genuinely amazing. i want to love every second of my existence. i wish i understood my emotions and why i can't focus, or why i'm crying. why the fuck am i crying.

[mynameisnotv]

15/1/22

hi, dear reader.

my name is v. well, its not. thats kind of the whole point of me making this blog, for it to be a diary or anonymous rant page or whatever i fucking want. anyways, you can call me v. you may ask, what does v stand for? i'd like to think veronica, or maybe victoria. people always tell me i look like a veronica, and i'd like to think that veronica is a cooler, edgier version of me. a version that isn't afraid to be alone with men other than her friends and boyfriend because she knows how to protect herself. a version that is actually scary, to the bone, and doesn’t just rely on a reputation to protect her.

i don't wanna mislead you, so i'm going to be honest. a lot of these posts won't make much sense, because they're coming (unedited) from my mind, and there's gonna be a hell of a lot of grammar mistakes. so, sorry in advance.