mynarcissticex

[mynarcissticex]

Before my heinous relationship with my ex narcopath I had:

Been picked on made fun/of in school.

Been physically beaten as a child by my narc biological father.

I have been used as a financial meal ticket by my narc mother.

I have been fired from multiple jobs due to my CPTSD.

I have been in dangerous places & situations.

I have been mugged.

I have been hit by a car.

I have thought I was going to drown.

I have thought I was going to suffocate.

I have thought I was going to die.

I have felt alone/afraid.

I considered multiple times on killing myself

None of that kept me down to long. I bounced back. My ex narcopath almost killed me by driving me to suicide. Once I was so close that I actually did flatline. He was way worse then that entire list combined. You have heard many people say it probably but I will say it again. You will never understand if you have not personally experienced it.

Now to the question. What have I gained?

I gained a new perspective on some of the people inhabiting this world & they represent hell on this earth. For that perspective, I sacrificed my innocence, naivety, & ignorance.

I learned good boundaries are not enough. Being assertive is not enough. Special defenses are needed.

I learned my empathy & compassion are still what makes me good but there are individuals out there who deserve NONE of it. They are pure evil. Therefore I must be more selective with who gets it.

I learned everyone is not mostly like me to some degree (having empathy & conscience etc.)

I learned my trust is still a good trait just like all my altruistic traits. Once again the problem is not in having them but in being selective with who receives them.

I learned that trust is not earned once & kept by someone you love. It must continue to be earned or it should be revoked.

I have learned always trust my gut & intuition no matter the cost. I can't think of one time it's been wrong.

I learned the difference between intimacy & intensity.

I learned the brain is a fucked up thing & can put you in really bad positions without you even realizing it is happening at the time.

I learned there is nothing wrong with me. None of that is my fault any more than it is a victim's fault for getting robbed. Sure I have to do some work for my own protection against future exploitation but that doesn’t make me weak then or now. It makes me stronger.

I learned anyone can be exploited.

I learned the world doesn’t understand. The medical professionals largely don't understand. That is why we come here.

I learned that though I am an introvert not isolating is important for the quality of life.

I learned so much psychology I feel I am hemorrhaging it sometimes.

I learned I am stronger than I thought to have lived through this.

I learned PTSD/CPTSD are a bitch

I’ve learned 100’s of manipulation tactics, power tactics, persuasion principals, seduction tactics, resistance tactics, etc. I know I will never be controlled again.

I’ve gained a ton of insight into myself & who I am & how I work & see/experience the world.

I have gained a real insight into my strengths & weaknesses.

I learned that the saying “sticks & stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” is the biggest crock of shit ever.

I learned you can find a lot of support from people you have never met.

I have gained all kinds of knowledge, confidence, power, & friendships. I am still working on the rest, but I am optimistic that everything is going to come together in the end in amazing ways when you survive what you thought was designed to kill you, life has a whole new meaning to it. Believe me 🙌🏻🤗

[mynarcissticex]

I do not think that it is helpful to say that one has to forgive in order to be free & move on. Statements such as this can make those unable to forgive feel guilty that they cannot forgive someone whose actions have left them completely devastated.

Some people have experienced the most heinous of treatment from an abusive personality. Do such people deserve forgiveness? No, not in my opinion.

I personally, can forgive those who are truly sorry for what they have done & show remorse by their actions. However, narcissists are not sorry for the hurt that they cause so forgiveness is not on my to do list. Am I free? Yes. Have I moved on? I certainly have. Do they need forgiveness? Yes, but that will not come from me

[mynarcissticex]

[mynarcissticex]

[mynarcissticex]

Narcissists often think the empathetic person is the antidote to their internal suffering, because they can see the empath has the potential for understanding the narcissist, taking on the narcissist’s pain, & that the empath possesses in abundance those precise qualities which the narcissist most lacks & wants.

For the empath to go into such an entanglement with the purpose of healing the narcissist, is nothing other than self-martyrdom.

The empath can give away everything to the narcissist. All their good energy, positive vibes, trust, love, time, finances, a home, psychological & physical health, connections with friends & family etc, the empath can give absolutely everything up, but the end result will always be the same & is predictable with 100% accuracy.

The narcissist takes, takes, & takes… & then, everything that has been taken, gets sucked into a black hole & gets lost in the eithers. Such that at the end, neither the narcissist nor the empath possesses the qualities which the empath initially possessed.

At this point, the empath has nothing further to offer the narcissist, & is discarded (or sometimes goes into permanent devaluation mode, while the narcissist does just as he or she pleases.

I think because it's such a shock to know there are people like that in the world, that can take you so for granted, that can shower you with love & affection & be so seemingly true, only to take it all away without blinking, & become so cruel, because it wasn't real. It's the level of deceit that's so shocking. It's because they took everything you wanted & created an illusion of that & you believed in it. & it is such a shock when you realize it was all a fraud & you are so burned by the lie that it is agonizing to accept. Because you had faith that it was real & it wasn't. You're not just getting over someone you loved. You are getting over the shock that they never really loved you. It changes a person. It changes the way you see yourself & the world. & believe me that's huge.

[mynarcissticex]

This whole plandemic is nothing, what I’ve survived for the last 32 years with narcissists would of killed most people.

The governments agendas are extremely familiar to some of the patterns I experienced with my last ex narcopath for 6 years.

Social isolation, manipulation, gaslighting, pathological lies. Deceit. Exploitation. Coercive control, Fraud, Brainwashing. All those things I endured, are exactly what the government are doing to humanity currently.

Thank god the abuse I experienced woke me up to everything that’s happening. 🙌🏻

[mynarcissticex]

Narcissists do what they perceive to be in their best interest. If they perceive leaving you forever is in their best interest, they’ll do that without a second thought in regards to you.

Why might they have this thought? There are a lot of possibilities. They might want to use you as a scapegoat. Narcissists have an intense need to feel superior, to feel special. They could see problems in their life, & be unable to conceive of it having anything to do with them. So they blame you for all their problems, thinking that things will be better if you’re not around.

You might have done something the narcissist finds unforgivable, & they feel they can’t forgive you.

Narcissists can’t handle shame. Maybe you did or something which made them feel ashamed, so they don’t want to have anything to do with you.

Narcissists are afraid of being abandoned. If they’re afraid you would do that to them, they could do it to you first, because being in control is very important to them.

It’s difficult to answer any questions like this, because there are so many possibilities. Narcissists lack object constancy, so are capable of making decisions like leaving a person forever for reasons which would strike a neurotypical as incomprehensible. Something jarring happens to the narcissist, & they jump to the conclusion that leaving you will fix everything.

They’ll do the same thing in other areas, like change their career at the drop of a hat, or decide they should move to Thailand by tomorrow!

My ex narcopath was a notorious con artist & only after my finances all along, so for him when I finally had enough of his abuse & decided to set myself free from him he happily left after successfully conning me out of half my life savings, his agenda was to milk me like a cow then soon as I gave him that reason to run he happily discarded me. The way they leave you always affirms who & what they truly are. Discarding them before they get an opportunity to destroy you is always the best option, by the time they leave they will have done tenfold damage to you mentally, physically, emotionally & financially. By discarding them first you set yourself free from all of their derogatory. 🙌🏻

[mynarcissticex]

[mynarcissticex]

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[mynarcissticex]

Ok, I’ve been through it myself twice back to back so I know how this subject feels. That said, I’m also going to throw in an ounce of tough love.

What are they looking for?

someone who gives without expecting in return.

someone who will drop what they’re doing to soothe the narcissist.

someone who probably hasn’t been loved in a while, & melts at the alluring (& luring) words that come out of the narcissists mouth, with an unpredictable (in)frequency

someone who has a need to heal a wound of feeling loveless in themselves by healing it in others (& likely working out a parental situation from childhood)

someone who feels flawed, knows that others are flawed, & wants to love & accept the narcissists flaws the way they would want their flaws loved & accepted!

someone who has something of exception that the narcissist envies: kindness, intelligence, success, money, & usually some other concrete skill that the narcissist can exploit!

someone whose boundaries are weak translated in the form of over forgiveness!

someone who will write their own excuses & justifications for the narcissists behaviour!

someone with a savior complex who will stop at nothing in their attempt to be the one who loved the narcissist back to life.

Right now this feels like this person ruined your life. I felt the same way.

BUT…one night I was on my balcony after his final discard... feeling sorry for myself & I said out loud (to myself) “You knew. You f+cking knew the whole time that this wasn’t right. & you let it go on anyway.” I know this will sound counterintuitive, but it was the most empowering thing I could do. I actually felt better after that.

Why? Because I did know. & I did let it happen.

I didn’t want to enforce the boundaries that I knew he was trampling over on a daily basis.

I didn’t want to face my own work project, that would require me to level up & that scared me sh*tless, so I worked on his projects.

I loved the things he said to me, even if I knew they weren’t true & were never acted upon.

It was like a warm bath that I knew I needed to get out of, but just waited until it was freezing cold.

[mynarcissticex]

Class A con artists.

[mynarcissticex]

[mynarcissticex]

It hurts so much says volumes. Having survived it twice back to back. To think someone you once thought you cherished is inflicting that much pain on you is inconceivable. Someone who professes to have your best interests at heart yet causing you so much damage.

It is a breach of trust from inside the circle of trust, talk about deep wounding. Deep wounding takes so much more time to heal & requires conscious effort to effect that healing.

The traumatic bondings that all too often form out of narcissistic abuse are heinous & keep you linked to the narcissist in perverse ways. These traumatic bondings must be severed & can only be severed over time. They impede healing & radically slowing the healing process.

Narcissistic abuse rewires your brain chemistry through the traumatic bonding & resetting it is a long arduous process.

Personal note: I remember the pain & suffering rained down on me by Ex narcopath matt. Someone who made a career out of hurting me deeply. I thought it all was about just sticking it out allowing him time to get better but he never did he just got worse.

I did not know the extent of his sickness then. I never knew I wouldn’t be allowed to succeed. I did not know I would never be accepted. I never fathomed him feeding on my misery intentionally causing it.

I never knew that the personal growth that I achieved that should have been celebrated would only be trampled on & denied.

I did not notice the me I used to be being destroyed until it was too late. Too late for anything to remain but bitter unhappiness & despair. Nothing left ahead but the time of a painful recovery.

I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel but we have to know when it’s time to turn it back on. Recovery is never easy but our freedom is bliss we would never allow ourselves to experience this again so we have to rebuild ourselves from the damage caused. 💕💫

[mynarcissticex]

[mynarcissticex]

The most vulnerable people to the narcissist are the ones who are kind, forgiving, compassionate, hard-working, devoted, loving, caring & nurturing. The Narcisisst seeks out people who are the opposite of them. Due to their years of being able to manipulate others to serve their agenda, they specifically know the right people to target.

They will seek out people who have perhaps just come out of a rocky relationship & may pretend to act like their hero & saving grace. These people have already endured toxicity in a past partner, so they are easily vulnerable to people like narcissists who feed off of their brokenness. They will come off like they are the person you’ve been waiting for your whole life, like the man or woman of your dreams. They will give you all their time & attention, making you feel like you have finally found your true love. They will get to know all your secrets, your fears & insecurities, your weaknesses & strengths. Then before you know it, they will use all of that against you & hurt you worse than the person who ever wronged you before.

They may also seek people who are married. It’s not uncommon for them to have supplies who are already in committed relationships. Maybe it’s a friend they’ve known for a long time & know about the issues they are having with their current partner. They will take their side, they will act like they care, they will tell them they deserve better, they will groom them to basically fall for them so that they end up cheating on their partners with the narcissist. Once they have used up everything & got they wanted, which is usually sex or money, they will discard of this person. Meanwhile they will totally disregard the fact that they were equally responsible for having an affair with a married person, while that person is left alone to deal with the aftermath. Which will more than likely be their marriage falling apart because their spouse or significant other found out. They target these types of people because maybe they are feeling a sense of emptiness & loneliness in their current relationships so they feed off of that energy & use it to their advantage.

They have no boundaries of who they will target. They will have sex with anyone, even if they have a primary source of supply doing everything for them. They will have no problems living comfortably having someone serve them & worship them, while they go out & find someone else to fool around with. They will target people who are easy to get hooked onto them. They will keep their primary supply devoted to them because they know all the things to do and say to get them under their control, & never leave them. This is the perfect scenario for them & best of both worlds. They get to have their cake, & eat it too. A partner who is their enabler, slave, doormat, bank, & caretaker while they do whatever, with whoever they want without any consequences.

They will also target people who have money. Perhaps they are going through some financial hardships, they will go online & maybe find a widow or widower who has lost their spouse. They are lonely, & just want companionship. The Narcisisst will manipulate them, pretending to care, all the while they are clearing out their bank accounts, & finding someone else on the side to get their sexual needs met.

They even love the thrill & the chase going after people who are independent and have a strong confidence of who they are. They love nothing more than to find someone like that, who carries all these qualities, then they will quickly bring them down to their knees & turn them into a completely different person by the time they are through with them. Someone who’s now ashamed, broken, insecure, & has low self-esteem due to being so damaged by the Narcisisst. It’s like it’s a sick, twisted, sadistic game to them!

[mynarcissticex]

I’ve been pushed to the edge of disparity in the past staying longer than I should. Don’t repeat my same mistakes. The abuse nearly killed me.