myperrrsonalshits-blog - Tumblr blog

[myperrrsonalshits-blog]

so I need to

I realized in order to live normal or happily I need to socialize more. I need to make new friends and start treating them for long term relationship. Normally, I would not care for people who is around me. Most of the time I just eat alone or just silently in a corner. I like to think of myself as a bitch of the crowd. Maybe my mom was right I am antisocial because I think of myself as untouchable. What is wrong with me? am I antisocial or plain bitch? hahahah either way it makes me filter unwanted people in my life. Maybe because I try to hang out more to a lesser crowd. I really don’t like being in a crowd of people more than eight. Eight is a good number for intimate? catching up, hell less than eight is better. My maximum number is eight really. Because I feel like if more than that number it would be topsy-turvy talk. Oh well

[myperrrsonalshits-blog]

so i did not pass

6 months in Manila for review didn’t really turned what I wanted to be thanks depression mixed with laziness. Fuck I just wasted thousands of pesos for nothing. Evan though my mom doesn’t really care what is the result maybe but still that’s a lot of money to waste. I can’t believe I wasted so much money just to have a melt-down every week. My laziness or depression ( I don’t really know the reason) just took over me that time. Fuck ! MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCKING IMPORTANT! 

[myperrrsonalshits-blog]

So Im back in my hometown.

Im back in my hometown and I feel better. I am getting better. I sleep a lot which is weird. like I sleep most of the day and I always get sleep around 10pm. ugh I hate that every time there is something weird I do I always go to places I dont need to go. ughhh its suck to have anxiety. Promise Ill be better.

[myperrrsonalshits-blog]

so what I did today!

I just did my research about hair transplant. ahhhaha Im a very insecure guy so I am planning it since I was in 4th year of my first course in college. yes I do have to diplomas in my bag. I was really expecting this do it before I go take my masters abroad but there is something in me that got enlighten that I have to wait because I feel like it’s not the time and I need to know people who have undergone procedures and personally talk to them because I just need to be more knowledgeable. So I am so certain that I’m gonna get it at the right time and right doctor.I need to start saving and get enough exercise hahahha. Now Im looking for a hair piece.. I saw one already but I need more options. hahahha will update you soon.

[myperrrsonalshits-blog]

SOS

why do I keep going to the space I don’t wanna go. I am currently living in my condo alone. It just doesn’t help me coping with depression. I can go all day not talking to anyone but myself. And talking to myself is not a good idea. I always see the stuff I dont like about how I look. I really don’t know why I do this to myself. I can’t even genuinely compliment myself. I have a killer wardrobe. I have so many clothes that fill one unit of my condo. and  I can’t admit to yourself that sometimes you look good. Dude what is wrong with you?!! Maybe because I fat? Maybe because I have small acne scars on my T-zone? Maybe I have a huge for head?Maybe I am losing hair and I’m only turning 23 this week? Maybe I have a very noticeable scar on the tip of my nose? Maybe... this list can go on and on and on... I just want to be those people that even though we have the same case of imperfections they can still have a confidence to be themselves. I wish I am one of those people. How many times do I have to cry just to gain more confidence. I don’t like myself because I only see the things that is wrong in my face. You know I cover myself with make up? like I am the only guy who wears make up because I don’t have the confidence to rock my bare face in public. I also wear extensions bangs because as I mentioned huge forehead and not only that coupled with receding hairline due hair loss. These insecurities of mine just destroyed how I enjoy my life. I wanna go to the beach I wanna go adventure but I can’t because I am so conscious of how my hair gonna turn up after dipping in the sea or after hiking and the sweats drenched my extensions. I also wanna go to the gym but I cant because I of the sweating and all the bending and the lifting that would also contribute in the moving of some parts in the hair area or melting of makeup. Why I can be happy is this the price to pay? but I was born this way having I HUGE FOREHEAD and fine hair. I know I should be thankful of inspite of these and I am! I am still thankful but sometimes you just need a little bit more just a little bit more of hair. 

So my problem really is my hair. I want to get transplant and I am planning this nov or dec originally this month but I have to do more research and and as I do my research is it the right time? I wanna do it now because I am tired of being conscious of myself I want to start living my life. A life that I could be happy and have some adventures and can look at the pictures because I dont look ridiculous . Should I do it or should I not do it? Is anybody here got hair transplant in the philippines? please let me know. I am a 22 but turning 23 this saturday. tell me your story. I badly need it. thanks

[myperrrsonalshits-blog]

hello

God how many times do I have to try this. I think this would be my 4th attempt in having a vent out blog. I don’t know why my therapist wants me to start this shit again. well he did told me to write but that’s  just a waste of paper, ink, energy. Typing is so much cooler and my hand don’t get carpal tunnel. haha. Also, I like hearing the keyboard sound when your typing. I really don’t know why there is something about these sounds that helps me relax. I feel like carrie from sex and the city. God I love that show! But maybe its the writing that helps me relax. Whatever it is it relaxes me. so what should a write? He told me to write about myself. So I will.  He is probably the only person aside from me that is reading this so HELLO DOC!! I just don’t like writing so I have to insist the blogging. lol Im gonna start blogging my thoughts and from that it would help me to unload my mind because my brain is so full of shits that I can’t function well.