myroadtohealthy

[myroadtohealthy]

This has been the hardest semester for me by far.

For pretty much every reason. Not only is school itself difficult because I am full time with the hardest classes yet but I was also working way too much considering I couldn't juggle both. My physical health has been suffering because of the immense amount of stress I've dealt with and I turned to food again, and then my mental health is suffering because of it because I feel so incredibly guilty and upset for ruining all of my hard work. And feeling like I can't get control of my actions and my eating is really taking a tole on me mentally, I just feel so weak. Around the end of September my grandfather got really sick, they found out that the cancer he had the year prior came back and spread to literally his entire body. It's been a really rough month and a half watching him get weaker and weaker. I put school and work on the back burner and told them I would only work two days, and then at school I was basically failing everything. I was at the hospital any chance I got, after work and after school, staying all hours of the night, sleeping there, etc. All the details of everything that happened is going to have to be saved for another post, but eventually I watched my grandfather die in front of me, and his funeral was last week. It's been really difficult. I've never lost a grandparent before or anyone close to me really so this is a first. He was an outstanding man, and it is an honor to be his grandaughter. But now here I am, completely at my limits for mental exhaustion and not really sure what to do. We're gearing up for finals now and I'm trying to play catch up after missing classes and assignments, and it's hard pushing myself to even get up and go when I just want to stay in bed for months. I just want things to get better. I am also so sick of running to food to cope with everything but I don't know what else to do to get through things. And then all the mental torment I'm putting myself through over my weight isn't helping at all. I was at the store today trying to find some clothes and was just on the verge of crying the entire time because I can't believe I've let myself gain so much weight back. I just can't stand this anymore I HAVE to get back to where I was. But I'm just so lost right now.

[myroadtohealthy]

Does anyone have any resources they can share?

Having to do with getting back on track, tips, some sort of plan to follow, etc. This has been one of the most difficult years for me and I pretty much stopped caring about my health. I was doing so well and I'm angry at myself for digging myself in this hole but I'm ready to get back into it and face everything again. Any help at all is greatly appreciated.

[myroadtohealthy]

10/26/17

This month has been really difficult for multiple reasons. And I always find myself dealing with stress by eating. Eating is the one thing that is guaranteed to make me feel better immediately, and when I'm really upset and stressed I just get this attitude like, "I don't care I just want to feel better." So I eat.

I don't know how else to deal with things. I don't have anything else that brings comfort the way food does or can work as a distraction for me. I need to find something, but I've got no idea. It's difficult.

On another note, I'm struggling with portion control. I feel like I can eat and eat and not get full, and it doesn't help at all when I am trying to lose weight. I was looking into options and it seems like there's no way to shrink your stomach without surgery, and surgery scares me. Not only is it expensive but the side effects people deal with and the possibility of infections and/or death scares me enough to want to do it without any help. But certainly if I was in a desperate situation and it was life or death I would. But I just want to do things the healthiest way possible, and since right now I know I'm still capable of doing it on my own, I'll continue to try.

Trying to get myself to make the right decisions and eat the right foods is one battle and then getting myself to walk away when I'm not full is another battle. Feeling like I have no control over my actions is getting me really depressed. I want to be better and lose weight and help my boyfriend lose weight as well but I'm feeling like I used to years ago where I felt hopeless and like there was no way out. I just need to make some kind of change soon.

[myroadtohealthy]

10/6/17

To start this will be a long ramble and I don't expect people to read it I just feel like getting all my thoughts organized. So boyfriend and I have been doing decently eating. We've been having protein shakes for breakfast most mornings and have been having chicken for dinner with rice, brocolli and potatoes. I usually keep fruit in the fridge to pick at and making sugar free jello for dessert. We do have cheat meals like today we went for nachos at our favorite Mexican restaurant but it's the cheat meals that I think are just keeping us stagnant. I don't think we're gaining weight like before because we're doing better but also the cheating just keeps us in the same spot. Now from here I need to cut that out and focus on losing weight.

I kind of had some sort of mental turning point that made me want to come on here and write down. I've probably mentioned on here that one of my favorite youtubers, Boogie, recently got weight loss surgery. That has been inspiring me because I have been watching him for a looong time and have been following his health journey, which he even has a separate channel dedicated to. I always really related to him personally and also use him as an example because he always talks about his age and struggles and I realize if I don't get my shit together I will be in the same spot.

So anyway, he got the surgery about 2 months ago now and when he was going in for surgery I turned notifications on for his Twitter so I never missed anything and just never turned that feature off. I don't really use twitter so that way I atleast keep up with him. But today I woke up and saw he tweeted about a comedian who just passed away at 45 who was morbidly obese. It really got me thinking because if I don't change that could be me, and if I were to die at 45 that would mean right now my life is already halfway over. That's fucking scary. Thinking about it in that way really resonated with me.

Aside from that my grandfather is dying and I've been going to the hospital to see him and being there is like an extra reminder. Seeing how much he's struggling and has struggled because issues related to his eating also shows me how that can be me as well. He's been the person in my family who always wanted me to be healthy and I wanted to do that while he was alive so he got a chance to see me with my shit together. Unfortunately I may have ruined that now but it doesn't mean I can't still make a change in his honor.

And lastly with the mass shootings and all of this death around us it's just... life is so fragile. When I hear about these tragedies it really gets me thinking and processing it, I realize that anything can happen at any time and I need to take advantage of everyday. Being overweight like this hinders me from living how I want to and doing more things I would do if I were able. And that's terrible because it's just a waste of time and I have the ability to turn it around and I'm doing it at a snails pace. Maybe one day I won't be able to turn it around, or some people in my life will be gone that I missed opportunities with. At any rate, now is the time. I'm going to spend some time tonight thinking and coming up with a game plan. But I have a feeling good things are to come...

[myroadtohealthy]

So here’s an update on things. 

I have been doing okay and have had some things I wanted to share but just didn’t make time to get on here and write about it.

We’ve been experimenting with different cauliflower “rice” recipes and have enjoyed them so far. We also have been trying quinoa recipes and that isn’t going as well but I think we just need to find recipes we like.

Got off track for a little bit but I try to make up for it whenever I slip. Right now in particular I’m doing well. I’ve been inspired by a youtuber who I’ve been following for many years now. He just got gastric bypass after a really long struggle with food addiction and just seeing him taking initiative is making me want to as well. Another thing that got me thinking a couple weeks ago is when a customer I had never seen before came into my work, and started talking to me about how she lost 85 pounds in two months doing low carb. Now I know that is far fetched and I’m not expecting to be able to copy that, but I just like hearing stories like that and remembering that I’m not trapped.

Another thing is that I am just extremely tired of feeling sluggish and sick all the time. My back is always hurting and I get winded easily and my feet are in really bad shape so walking hurts and then mentally I’m exhausted from just being upset about my clothes not fitting and gaining weight in general. I just get so agitated everyday wearing clothes that are tight on me and not feeling comfortable all day, it just immediately makes me angry and starts the day badly. I went through a very stressful time in my life where I turned to food for comfort and now I’m at the point where it’s not even worth it or appealing anymore because it’s causing me more trouble than necessary.

I simply just want to get back to the weight I was at a year ago and then from there work on getting better. I just want to fit into my clothes again and feel better about myself.

So I’ve been trying to do low carb but at the same time not going overboard. Like I’m having fruit and occasionally now we go to subway instead of other fast food places and I load up on the vegetables like to the point where I think they probably hate me but whatever. I’ve also been having soups. Last year at stop and shop they had a sale on progresso and they were like 75 cents each so I went crazy and got literally 60 cans but I’ve just ran out so I went to walmart last night after work and bought a bunch. I also got these meal replacement shakes and some yogurt and cheese for snacks. 

Today so far I had one of the shakes, and then cottage cheese with cantaloupe. And I wasn’t really full but made myself walk away anyways because another thing I’m working on is not eating to capacity. I have a problem where I eat until I feel sick and like I cant breathe and obviously thats not good so portion control is a focus too.

So overall things are fine. I’m not really weighing myself or giving myself any time limits. I’m just trying to do better and hopefully will be back where I need to be soon.

[myroadtohealthy]

Bike ✔️ Shower ✔️ Time to relax for an hour until work

[myroadtohealthy]

Good morning everyone. I go to work in a few hours and I'm thinking I should get my exercise out of the way and shower now so that way when I get home at night I can just relax since I have to be back early in the morning. I'm tired and would rather go back to bed but don't want to make room for excuses later when I'm even more tired so I'm off to do that!

[myroadtohealthy]

Bike done for the day ✔️ Discovered that solitaire is a great distraction while doing it.

[myroadtohealthy]

[myroadtohealthy]

[myroadtohealthy]

Birthday post 🎉

Turning 28 today 😳 crazy!

When I started my weightloss journey I was 17/18. I started documenting my journey via my blog (afuneralformyfat.com) at 22. Now all these years later I have a published book about my journey (A Funeral For My Fat: My journey to lay 100 pounds to rest).

Blows my mind! It’s still a journey for sure. Every new challenge you face will require a different part of you. And this time, my current journey is trying to find “Me” again after 2.5 years of training/competing in bikini competitions (5x).

Still chasing the weight that will make me most comfortable. Been high, been low,and everywhere in between. I will get there eventually 😄

I’m so blessed to be able to share my journey of health and fitness with such a wonderful community. You guys know all my struggles, joys, and triumphs.

Love my fitness family 💕💪🏻

#beforeandafter #weightloss #fitness #bikinicompetitor #healthy

[myroadtohealthy]

I miss my sweetheart I don't like to sleep alone ☹️

[myroadtohealthy]

[myroadtohealthy]

[myroadtohealthy]

Ohhhhhhhhhmygod this new crockpot pineapple porkchop recipe we just made for supper was AMAZING!!! Definitely going on the list as one of our favorites! I ate mine with a rice medley from Trader Joe’s and a steamed veggie side from Aldi.

[myroadtohealthy]

i never run voluntarily so if u ever see me running you should start running too bc something is coming

[myroadtohealthy]

We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.

Lori Deschene (via virgoassbitch)