myshaaaaarks

[myshaaaaarks]

RPSchtuff Theme 05 - Jonas ( with Bonus Pages! )

Main Theme: Preview | Code Muse Page: Preview | Code Timeline Page: Preview | Code Verses/Muses Page: Preview | Code

This 500px container theme features space for a transparent sidebar image and unlimited links (use the “Show a Link to this Page” button in the page editor). It also comes with several page themes, to be used in the HTML section of a Standard Page within this theme. Feel free to mix and match elements of these pages to suit your needs!

The pages here are only intended for use with this theme. For standard versions of these pages, check out my themes page.

TransparentTextures.com and SubtlePatterns.com are excellent places to find seamless tiling images for the background and container. PNGMart.com has lots of transparent images that would work well for the sidebar.

Terms of Use:

You may edit this code however you wish and/or use it as a base - for personal use only. You may not use this code for any commissions or other paid work unless you’ve discussed it with me.

You may not remove or alter my credit in any way.

Please like or reblog if using.

Credits:

Theme Skeleton - @evansyhelp​

Custom Tooltips - @easy-html-tutorials​

Custom Scrollbars - @help-with-coding​ 

If I have used any elements of your code from tutorials and failed to credit you properly, please bring it to my attention and I will correct this.

[myshaaaaarks]

how the fuck did the fire nation beat fucking anyone their element can't do shit to any of the others

[myshaaaaarks]

no one will ever know i have a tumblr this is my safe secret place fuck yea. i really wanna read a good book like NOIW. omg i hope there’s something good on my shelf hmmm

[myshaaaaarks]

3.16

Oh my god I am so drunk right noow. J is in the hospital because on Thuesday he asked me to drive him there becausse he was feling erally suicidal. I took him and yesterday he was fine but todya when I went to see him he didn’t wanna see me. I guess he was mad becauseI was late, which was a really petty reason t get mad. I ended up hanging out with my friends and getting drunk with them ND HAVING a really good ass time. I shoudl sleep. gonna have some cereal first mmm. Gotta work at noon so I should wake up at 11 to take the vanz. Fuck yea I have my day all planned out perfectttttttt

[myshaaaaarks]

2.23

I don’t really wanna put that much more effort into this relationship. Kinda sick of it lol. It’s not really that fun anymore. I need someone who’s a balance between T and J. Who will expand both my introverted and my extroverted sides. My extroverted side is completely stunted right now. I wanna go out and live, not just stay cooped up in here all the time, even though it’s my guilty pleasure. The biggest thing stopping me is Japan. I don’t wanna make my parents lose money like that AGAIN. I hate making the same mistake twice. I feel so guilty. I also don’t wanna be alone. I dream about T so much. I miss him so much. So fucking much. I need J to distract me from him. I don’t wanna think about him fuck

[myshaaaaarks]

2.20

Today I was supposed to wake up at 10:30am after having gone to sleep at around 3am. I was supposed to wake up and get a bunch of my homework done so I wouldn’t have to worry about it tomorrow. Instead I slept in till almost 3pm, then fell back asleep at 5pm till 9:30pm. I only wanted to nap for an hour so I could go to the gym, but of course I completely slept through that. Why am I such a slave to sleep? I didn’t get to see J either because of it. Nothing works in keeping me awake. Now I’m going to have to wake up before school so I can pick that stuff up from the beach. 

I’m probably just going to end up not going to the beach at all and taking a bad grade. Goodbye Japan. Fuck why do I set myself up for failure like this? I want to want to go to the beach tomorrow to set it up then again to pick it up. But all I ever end up doing is just staying home. I need to fight this harder. 

I have work tomorrow at 4pm, and no bullshit this time, I am going to the gym. I need to go back and start working out again because my appetite has become too much for me to control. 

Yesterday I noticed that at some point I missed a pill. I hope I’m not pregnant. I really don’t want to go through the experience of getting an abortion, and I don’t want to spend money on that. But it would be nice if my sleepiness could have a concrete explanation like that. 

First thing I need to do tomorrow is print my drawings so I can have a good reference for my model and make my life easier. I’m not super happy with my design but I really don’t feel like starting over. I should really ask dad for his guidance. Why am I like this?

I miss J. I’m sad I didn’t see him today. I hope he isn’t mad about it, though I know he’s more reasonable than that. I don’t want to make the same mistake again of letting my assumptions get the better of me. I need to remember to keep a clear head always. It’s hard. 

Sometimes I still think about T. I wonder how he’s doing. I still get a pang of something painful in my abdomen when I think about him. Still a longing. But it fades as the days go on. I accept that this is part of life, but I’m still so bitter about it. I feel so jaded about love. I was completely wrong about having found the one I was going to marry, spend the rest of my life with. I don’t feel the same passion with J or long to be in his company at all times, but I can’t tell if that’s just the healthy way to live and be in a relationship.

It was like T was always tugging at me. Always making me reach higher and higher so that I could keep up with him. I know we are no longer each others’ happiness and we can’t be, but fuck I still miss him. I miss dreaming about our future together. Having someone so incredible by my side. I feel so, so angry at the world and life and everything that we couldn’t work out. It really feels like I’m never going to love anyone in the same way ever again.

We broke up at the beginning of November. It’s now almost March and I still cry if I think about him too much. Almost four months and it’s only gotten a little easier. As time passes I adjust to not having him in my life so it’s easier to push the thoughts away, but he’s still in most of my dreams. I still haven’t deleted any of his pictures off my phone. I can’t bring myself to look through them. It’s still too raw. 

I don’t know if this is what I want. Or what’s best for me. I just really don’t fucking know anything. I just know that I wanna get high. I wanna get high off coke and vyvanse and speed and weed and acid and benzos and do nothing but play video games and draw. 

But when I think about not seeing J anymore, it just crushes me. I can’t handle losing him. I need him. I love him. He’s in more of my dreams than T is. I won’t let any lingering feelings for T get in the way of my relationship with J, ever. I know the feelings will fade. J is an amazing, wonderful person and I couldn’t bare to lose him. I love him so much. I wish I had gotten to see him today.

[myshaaaaarks]

12.15

Today was Paula’s birthday dinner and I did not have a good time at all. I have spent all day feeling so anxious because of all the mixed feelings I have inside me. I don’t wanna fuck it up with Justin. I really wish he could’ve been able to come. I really really hope he’s being fully honest with me. I have so much paranoia over that. But I’m trying to fight my anxiety and not let it overtake me.

I don’t want to fuck it up with Justin. I feel like I love him. I miss him so much. I wish I would’ve just stayed with him. I ended up crying in the bathroom at the restaurant and I honestly barely ate. My stomach feels really upset about eating all that meat. I wish the thoughts of T would just disappear from my life. I keep thinking back to the good memories we had and it just breaks me over and over again. 

I’ve been having a lot of trouble eating lately. I really don’t want to get fat. I’ve been feeling depressed; maybe part of that is because I barely eat. Fuck I don’t want Justin to leave me. I love him. Please please don’t leave me. Please love me back. Fuck I’m so anxious. I’m just gonna sleep.

[myshaaaaarks]

Today is Saturday.

For Tuesday, I need to study. I need to get the project done by then so I can cut and have that done for Wednesday.

For Thursday, I need to have the study guide done. Write some, print the rest.

[myshaaaaarks]

11.17

Today I decided to finally move on. Well, I had already decided, but now it’s been cemented in my head. I am not a hollow person who only cares about myself. Selfish. Hollow. Sometimes I think I am, but that was my behavior in the past if that’s the case. Because I don’t want to be that person. I do not want to be selfish and hollow. Is that me? I don’t want it to be. I won’t let myself be that person.

You’re at the club tonight. You’re probably gonna find some random girl to hook up with. Oh, I see that you’re home now. Maybe you have her there with you. I know how vindictive you are. You thought, “She has a guy in her room so I’ll have a girl in mine.” But you’re probably going to wake up in the morning feeling regret and sadness. That won’t make you feel better, after all. Might just make you feel worse. Since you did it out of revenge. But like I explained to you in the letter that our friend may or may not have shown you, it doesn’t bother me. If you want to move on and find someone else, do it then. But do it because you’re looking for happiness, not because you want to get back at me in some way.

Or maybe you exceeded my expectations and just went home after drinking a lot. Maybe you’re just asleep right now. But, I seriously doubt that. You’re way too immature to consider that. You came over here, not wanting to hear what I have to say, try to hurt me with your words. I know how much you meant to hurt me with them. You’re furious and hurt over me. Of course you’re gonna try to remedy that by sleeping with some random chick.

But hey man. Tonight you’re sleeping with a random girl you don’t know or have a connection with. I’m sleeping with someone I really like. Someone I have a strong emotional connection with, whom I trust enough to be able to act out my kinks with. Who said he feels like he’s falling in love with me. Who looks at me with such a gentle gaze and loves to cuddle with me. 

I’m happy, and I sincerely wish you the same.

[myshaaaaarks]

Mekanic >:3c Dva / Brigitte playin games patreon . twitter

[myshaaaaarks]

ANDD HERE’S MY FINISHED SOMBRA PIECE, she’s actually my favourite! Ahhh I really like how it turned out!

[myshaaaaarks]

hack the planet.

[myshaaaaarks]

Overwatch Ladies // Animated Shorts

[myshaaaaarks]

[myshaaaaarks]

drew Sombra as a mermaid bc I missed the whole month of mermay TT TT

[myshaaaaarks]

Mermaid Sombra! 💜

SAI2

[myshaaaaarks]

los muertos

(twitter)