mysoulsjourney

[mysoulsjourney]

Favored

Finally got myself a black job 😁

[mysoulsjourney]

Questioning

Most times I am wondering if she will be enough to handle my needs. If I am questioning this, maybe my soul already knows the answer.

She is not naturally affectionate. This should be a deal breaker, shouldn't it?

When it comes to my kids, she is naturally affectionate, but as a partner, I can see it takes her a bit more effort to turn it on.

Is it that she views children as being safer when it comes to vulnerability?

Is she afraid of feeling like a fool if she pours her heart out without fear on the daily?

I believe it all has to do with trust and her willingness to be completely vulnerable.

At the end, I may leave her to work through that on her own while I continue to live my life.

[mysoulsjourney]

This is why there's not another soul that is ready for me in this life time 😔

[mysoulsjourney]

Next level

Just finished getting pounded and I'm now in incredible pain (as requested).

Pretty sure she fucked me through my cervix and now I'm laying here contemplating life lol

I think we were able to reach the next level because she engaged in a type of role play that I've often fantasized about. She pretended to be in a relationship with someone else and I was her faithful slutty side chick.

When she told me that I was required to suck her girlfriend's juices off her dick before I could have some... I nearly lost it.

I love filthy shit like that.

This is what I'm gonna make sure to enjoy while I can.

Our sexual chemistry is unmatched 😫

[mysoulsjourney]

My person

If my person truly existed in this lifetime, I believe they most likely would be older than me by nearly a decade. This is because I noticed that most people my age are so behind when it comes to basic mature adult shit.

For example, many people my age are just now getting into politics meanwhile there goes 19-year-old me, deep into presidential debates and such. Actively interested in learning about policies which affect socioeconomics etc. and then there goes my peers saying things like "I don't do politics".

Eventually people reach an age where they realize that these "politics" affect their everyday lives and that is when they finally start to pay attention.

This is just one example of many other things which makes me feel like my true person would have to be older than me just so that we could somewhat be on an equal level of maturity for basic adults things.

It honestly makes me cringe every time Pisces comes to me and speaks of concepts that I thought of when I was 15. I try my best to not show my disgust and disinterest because it's like, girl...where have you freaking been?! She is now into the presidential debate and politics and such when at the beginning of our relationship, all she cared about was what was going on with cardi b and offset and other low vibrational shade room bullshit.... Which she still entertains by the way.

Anyway, more on what my person would be like..

They would have similar interests such as spirituality, nature, science, and of course leveling up with the goal to have enough money to have more free time to do whatever we wanted.

It would be someone who could teach me things and tell me random facts about whatever.

They would be naturally clingy like I am and would prefer cuddling and having an "us against the world" mentality.

I would be all that they really needed, they would be all that I needed, and our family would be all we really need. Of course we'll still have our friends and loved ones on the side... But they would be the side. We would be best friends. Putting our family and partnership first would never be an issue.

My person would be naturally horny and would want to make love frequently. They'd naturally love physical touch and would be very hands on every day.

Hold up, let's be clear, this person would be a black woman with locs. Lol.

But to continue, she would let me fuck her to my hearts desire.

She would be a natural romantic and would write me random love letters just because.

She would communicate and communicate well.

She would be confrontational like me, with the goal of wanting to resolve an issue immediately instead of avoiding it and hoping it would go away.

She would be funny and love cracking random jokes... Even ones where she's able to make fun of herself.

She would be a creative... And have the imagination and passion to create art through whatever medium she chooses.

She would be fearless and wouldn't be afraid to speak up for what's right and wouldn't give a shit what people think.

She would be self aware and would be able to self-assess whenever she has done something wrong... And then take accountability and offer a solution to fix it.

And lastly, she would be obsessed with me. Duh.

[mysoulsjourney]

Virgo

You know what's funny? Meeting the Scorpio made me forget about you. Is it because I thought nobody would be able to give me the things you gave me? Because I thought a connection like ours was far and few between? Even though yes, I know we are twin flames and our connection is the strongest because of otherworldly reasons... I realized that I can make peace with our life long separation because other strong connections exist which would fullfil my soul. Being with the Pisces again started making me think of you again, but maybe it's because of the history of how her and I got together. How you both drive the same car. How you both have similar features. You both competed together in a basketball game lol Maybe disconnecting from Pisces would make me stop thinking of you since I feel you two are tied in some weird way. Perhaps tied to my past journey and soul mission at the time of meeting you both. I hope everything is going well for you though. I still wish you the second best (since obviously nobody would trump me, duh) I hope your Fiance is treating you well. You have the same self-sacrificing traits that I do, so that always makes me worried that you'll be taken advantage of. I'm glad you got the light bright that you wanted (with your colorist ass lol). Shame on you! lol I'm high key upset that I didn't get to call you out on that before we decided to end things for good but I know you know who you are deep down inside.

[mysoulsjourney]

Pisces

Well... I can say that I can clearly see why the universe brought us together. I will say that I've never felt so attracted to a partner as I have with you. Your eyes are so captivating... perhaps its the pisces magic. So many choices that we could've made in the beginning but the main one that we both likely regret is making the decision to graduate our connection from friends to lovers. I knew I was making the wrong choice to let you have me in that way but of course I let curiosity get the best of me. I just had to see things through... for the plot. Now look where that has led us. First the positives... we've managed to grow a lot together... more you than me if we're being honest. And you know there's still a lot of growing to do on your part. What you've taught me with this connection is that I will never betray myself again. I will admit that it was Scorpio who made me see the light when it comes to how ridiculous it was to betray myself over and over in the name of love and hopes and dreams. Although my infidelity is a great source of pain for you, it is a great source of power for me as the lesson that I got as a result of my choice to betray you gave me a life changing realization that I will never let go of. And that realization is... that I don't have to settle and neither do you. Yes, there is a lot of stake and we have built a lot together but at the end of the day, neither of us should sacrifice our most deepest needs and desires for the sake of future hope. Through this experience, I have learned to see and accept things at face value. The truth is, you may not be able to give me everything that I NEED because it's not natural to you and that is OKAY. That doesn't make you a failure, it just means we are not compatible enough therefore we should not be together and that is the end of that. Either of us trying to force ourselves to fit into a piece of the puzzle that will never fit is pointless and will lead to never ending disappointment and hurt. There were several times within the past week where I was ready to walk away but you decided that I was more important than whatever it was you thought you wanted. I am very hesitant when you do this because I feel sometimes that your choice to betray yourself will bring us right back to where we were. You may be comfortable betraying yourself for the sake of maintaining our connection but I am letting you know right now... the moment that you decide to seek revenge and use your resentment to try to hurt me because you feel like you've been "sacrificing so much"... I will run. Because like I've said our entire relationship... NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO. Please love yourself like I do and accept that it is okay for two people to be incompatible and decide to call it quits. You cry and hurt when I mention ending things but that is because we've already been down this road before. Your inability to communicate when something bothers you, be a pushover, then turn around and explode and try to punish me for your unspoken words will NEVER be a part of my reality again. As I sit here now, I don't see us being together for the rest of our lives... just because I feel there is a lot of growing and maturing to do on your part. And that would take years that I am not willing to give more of. I love you Pisces. There was a point where I wanted to marry you and work through our issues. But that was a version of me that was willing to betray myself. Never again. In the meantime, I will enjoy our time together as much as I can. We're all on borrowed time.

[mysoulsjourney]

Scorpio

Where do I even start?

Maybe from the very beginning. 2021. What I remember most about this time is our phone call and realizing our immediate chemistry (sexually, of course). Since that is all I was seeking at that time. I would think about that from time to time when you would come up in my feed. Fast forward 2024. We were able to pick up right where we left off and in less than 24 hours, you were in my bed. A part of me wishes we connected under a different circumstance since I was unable to be fully present and truly immerse myself in the experience. Then again, I guess you could say the same. We were both dealing with our own heartaches and who knows, maybe things worked out that way for a reason. I truly enjoyed spending time with you but I will admit that there's something about our connection that makes me feel that things would've ended the same way. With you blocked and your eventually heart broken. Honestly, I think everything happened the way that it did to protect the both of us, but mostly to protect you from me. The version of me that you've met is not the version of me that I would be as a single person who was far removed from my current situationship/relationship. I know this because I know myself. I would've taken everything that you were willing to give me and pretend to give you the same back, meanwhile, I would've been doing the same to another person and another person all at the same time. Being naturally poly, I know how to love multiple people at once and make someone feel like the most important person in my world, however, I wouldn't ever agree to monogamy again. Of course, I am an honest person and would make everyone involved with me aware of my intentions... but sometimes someone's "hope" overrides my clearly stated intentions. None of this should really be a surprise to you because I've told you all of this... several times. Single me would only truly be committed to ME. I meant it when I said that I would never betray myself again. I know that I am not meant to be in a monogamous partnership in this lifetime. The souls of this world are not ready for mine. I know this to be true with every fiber of my being. So in the meantime, I will continue doing my "black job", aka fulfilling my soul's journey and enjoying this life as much as I can every step of the way.

I do miss you though. What I miss specifically is your touch, our conversations, and just vibing. Your voice is kinda cute too or whateva. and your locssss.

[mysoulsjourney]

Enjoy Now.

Here I am, sitting in my living room doing what I've always done; Trying to see where I will be in my journey 3 months from now. I tend to fear the worst but I am consistently shown that I end up receiving something better than I could've ever imagined. I am slowly stepping out of fear and into surrender.

Questions that I ask myself... Am I making the right choice? Now that I read it out loud, I am realizing... does it really matter? Do I have to spend one second longer doubting my choices when there are already many blessings in my current reality? I have my health. I have my home. I have my children. I have today.

I am sitting on a beautiful couch, in a beautiful home, in a beautiful body with an even more beautiful soul. What more could I really need? Why not just enjoy right now? Now is amazing. Now is such a blessing. I am able to see the trees dancing in my back yard. I am listening to amazing music. I am able to breath easily. I am not in any kind of pain. I am healthy in every way. NOW is everything that I need. The future will come when it comes.