mystarsohee - Tumblr blog

mystarsohee · 5 months ago

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eight letters !

𝜗𝜚⋆₊ summary ! you have always been the type of person who never let’s anyone actually get too close, that is, until haechan makes you put all your walls down.

pairing ! nonidol!haechan x fem!reader.

genre ! kinda friends to lovers, angst, fluff.

warnings ! mention of alcohol, drunk haechan, reader has avoidant attachment, reader is a bit mean, a little of he fell first and harder, reader is younger for like two years, best friend jisung, description of panic attack, bullying, lmk if i missed smthg.

word count ! 11.8k

𝜗𝜚⋆₊ notes ! well, i used to be a why don't we fan and now that i can't listen to their music anymore,, the title is bc of their song, give my boys the chance of re-recording their music pls. anyway another haechan fic. this is also longer than what i had planned. also let me know what you think i appreciate your feedback !

when you met lee donghyuck, your first thought was ‘can’t believe anyone would be his friend.’

the concept of the word ‘friend’ is simple: a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, for you, the implication of a gentle feeling of liking, was complicated.

ever since you were a little kid, you would prefer to spend your time alone, the mere implication of having to interact with another human being and define it ‘pleasant’ was a very stressful task. for you, making friends was a waste of time and you couldn’t understand the worried look on older people’s eyes because you had none.

‘ignore them, i want to be alone’ that’s what you though, you remember the first time you tried it out, a four year old with a deer plushie behind her mom as she dropped you in daycare, a bigger kid walking to you as soon as your mom left, calling you her ‘new friend’ receiving a disgusted reaction from you, then she tried sharing her toys but you simply ignored her and sat there holding onto your deer staring at nothing.

in kindergarten, it was exactly what you would do, and when other kids were crying, being too loud or even just sitting too close to you, you’d get annoyed. there was an exception, a shy crying boy of whom you took a liking, mostly because he would change his strawberry milk with you but also because he was quiet, so he became the only kid you could tolerate.

living in the same zone and studying at the same school, made you form a friendship with that little boy, and you would say that even years later when you turned into a teenager, nothing really changed. that shy crying boy who doesn’t cry much anymore has become your best friend, you two would spend all your time together, and you would ignore anyone else who tried to talk to you, because you didn’t care about making other friends, and you considered that one real friend was enough.

so you’d have to thank your best friend, park jisung, he is the reason you met donghyuck in the first place.

you met him a couple of years ago, on your second week at college to be more exact, you could recall that moment from your memory. it had been quite hard to adapt to the campus life, it was something totally new, far away from everything you used to know but you knew you were going to be okay, as long as jisung was by your side. that day, even though it was nothing special, you’d go to the cafeteria to meet up with your best friend for lunch.

it had been a long week, so naturally you were happy you could eat together and finally talk about anything. when you entered the cafeteria, it took you around ten seconds to ubicate where jisung was, sitting beside a shorter boy who was laughing at something your best friend had said, his laugh was loud and it seemed to attract everyone’s attention. your first thought was ‘oh, he already made new friends’ and you were good with that but it made you hesitate to approach him for a second, because what you did not like was him trying to make you have new friends.

after taking a deep breath, you decided to at least try, so you walked to the table and sat there with them, finally getting the chance to see him properly. you weren’t going to lie, he was easy on the eyes, his brown hair gently falling over his forehead above his pretty brown eyes distracted you for a second. cause even though he seemed to be really nice to jisung, god, not even five minutes in and you have already decided he was the living example of the definition of ‘obnoxious’ and as normal, you decided you didn’t like him.

you loved your best friend, you would say he is the only person that you care for, but no matter how much you love him, there was no way you’d be friends with his new ‘cool’ friend.

first of all because you couldn’t understand why anybody would want to be friends with someone so loud.

even though you have always liked to be alone, for some reason, you had no problem with being with jisung, he is very similar to you, quiet, introverted and in his own world. yet, he can make friends easily, you think it is mainly because of his generous nature, people are drawn to him.

“ji, can you-. . .” before you could even finish your sentence, he was already switching his strawberry milk with your banana one, earning a smile from you.

“why would you even ask,” he rolled his eyes as he sat beside you, “sometimes i think you only like me for the strawberry milk.”

you were about to say something about how that is not even true when a loud ‘dude’ was heard in the whole cafeteria, naturally your eyes searched for the culprit, noticing him sitting a few tables away laughing with his group of friends. ‘that’s the coolest shirt i have ever seen’ as you heard his voice again you couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

“how can you even like him?” you asked your best friend without taking your eyes off donghyuck, he seemed to attract the attention of everyone.

“who?” he was not even looking at you but at his banana milk while opening it, “hyuck?” it seems like a coincidence, as soon as he said his name, the boy whose name it was and that you were staring at, locked eyes with you before flashing you a dimple-showing smile.

you immediately shook your head as a barely audible ‘iugh’ left your lips, “yes, he’s so. . .-” you tilted your head as you thought about what word should you say, ‘annoying’? yes he is but that’s not the one, ‘in need of attention’? no, that’s a phrase. . . ‘sung’ oh, his voice again.

he was standing in front of you, smiling at your best friend and before he could say anything, “loud, he’s so loud,” you muttered, standing up as you took your strawberry milk, not even sparing a glance at the older boy before leaving the cafeteria.

something you would never understand is why would anyone try so hard to be liked by someone they don’t even know?

you wouldn’t say you are a nice person, you tend to ignore everyone unless you actually like them, so it was strange to see donghyuck being nice to you when you were the opposite to him. he was so unlikeable, loud, annoying, talkative, but the worst of all he is incredibly nice.

every time you saw him around the campus he would smile at you and you, of course, would act like you didn’t even see him. you would blatantly show your disgust when you would be looking around the cafeteria and he would wave his hand trying to get you to sit with him, and you, without blinking, would choose to sit far away from him. you ignore his presence, you would be with jisung and he would appear and talk to the both of you, you would leave not even saying bye to your best friend.

but a month later, you started to feel bad about your attitude with donghyuck. it was new, every time your best friend tried to introduce someone and you ignored them, they would stop but he didn't.

so one day when you were walking around the campus looking for a spot to sit and listen to some music, you saw him sitting under a tree with a laptop in his lap, as soon as he saw you, he waved his hand and motioned for you to sit down with him. and you were about to ignore him, why would you even consider another option than walking away? but that’s when you really saw him for the first time, a glimpse of sadness in his face as his smile faltered and brow furrowed.

you stood there, looking at your shoes for a few seconds, starting to wonder if you should go and sit with him, maybe give the loud and talkative boy another chance and have an actual conversation. you shook your head and then, before you would change your mind, you took decisive steps towards him and sat down beside him.

“hi,” even if you were trying to be friendly, your voice sounded monotonous, you had no idea what you were going to say to him but you were already there.

his face was adorned by a very notorious confused expression, his head was tilted and his eyes were wide open, he looked like a cute deer, “wow, you didn’t ignore me this time,” he mumbled more to himself than to you.

you looked away for a second, “yea, maybe i should apologise for that,” you nodded a couple of times before continuing, “sorry for ignoring you, that was a bit rude of me-. . .”

“a bit?” he interrupted you, raising an eyebrow while looking directly into your eyes, and even though you admit you feel bad, you still couldn’t find a reason to like him.

you opened your mouth to say it but a quick debate in your own head made you not to, “well, very rude, sorry,” it was awkward, at least for you, who has never apologised to someone for ignoring them, or at least not without being forced by your mom or jisung, “is a honest apology, don’t mean you have to accept it,” as you felt he was going to say something, you motioned your hand before quickly adding, “doesn’t mean i'm going to sit with you or talk to you, you are jisung’s friend, not mine.”

he seemed a bit taken back with your words, his eyes blinking a couple of times and his mouth opened as a barely audible ‘oh’ slipped from his lips, “can-. . . umm,” he cleared his throat, “can i ask why?”

“i don’t like you,” you simply said, not feeling the necessity of explaining your reason further, he was just not someone very likeable, even if the whole campus would disagree with you.

“oh-. . . but why? i don’t-. . . haven’t done anything to you,” it was strange, why was he so fixated on this, oh maybe he is one of those who wants everybody to like him, you thought. he was looking at you for some answer you wouldn’t give him.

you sighed, “most people would say you are nice, i don’t exactly disagree,” you shook your head, “but you are too loud,” he was listening to you carefully, “and draw too much attention,” you pointed at him, you decided to talk to him because he was alone, and everybody knows that’s unusual.

he was silent for a couple of seconds, as if he was processing your words, “i can be quiet too, you know,” he said offering you a dimple-showing smile.

you didn’t expect your reaction to be a silent laugh that escaped your lips, rolling your eyes as the words did from your tongue, “except you can’t,”and then, without waiting for him to say something, you smiled at him for the first time as you left him sitting there alone.

you thought that the insignificant conversation would cause him to stop being nice to you, but for some reason it seemed like he really couldn’t bear not being liked by everybody.

stubborn, that’s what jisung would call you sometimes, ‘cause you refused to give his new best friend a chance. you could name at least two reasons to not like donghyuck, yes, you can think more but he was simply not worth your time, and for you, those two were really valid.

you knew that there was an external force plotting against you, cause lately you would see donghyuck more than you would like. and of course, you didn’t need to be the smartest person in the room to know that the ‘external force’ has a shape and name, the tall couple of months younger boy, you call best friend, park jisung.

for example, for the past two months, your best friend has been inviting you to hang out, without any specific reason, not that you would complain about spending time with him. and you did notice that lately, every time you had ‘plans’ with him, donghyuck would appear out of nowhere. sometimes he would be just on his way to the same place as you, or he would also have plans with your best friend, and casually, decide to walk with you to his dorm.

that not very strategic plan, was not going to be successful, jisung is not that smart, how could he try to get you like donghyuck? it was not going to happen.

the small knowledge you had about donghyuck was learned by accident or because jisung slipped it in a conversation, but what you didn’t expect was to have something in common with him, some people would say life is full of surprises.

“jisung, you are no longer my best friend,” you said as you closed the door of his room. finding him sitting on the floor in front of his bed with a very happy donghyuck by his left side playing mario kart.

without even sparing a glance at you, he said, “oh, don’t be so dramatic.”

ignoring the ‘hi, yn’ from the other presence in the room, you sat down in his bed with a loud sigh.

two minutes later, as you saw that your best friend was winning the game, you quickly took his controller off his hands and ran out the room. a loud ‘i won’ from the older male was heard the minute you stopped at the front door.

“yn, give me back the controller.” he said, reaching at you with his hands.

you stuck out your tongue at him, hiding the controller behind your back the minute he was getting closer to you, “no, you said you were going to watch the series with me today,” you pointed at him.

“yes, but i also made plans with hyuck an-. . .” you let out a loud gasp, putting one of your hands over your chest, as donghyuck stood by the door watching the two of you.

you looked at the boy mentioned, he simply shrugged his shoulders as he stared only at you, a small hidden part of you thought that maybe he could watch the series with you two, he has to keep his mouth shut and then you would finally get jisung to watch it after two weeks of begging. “you made plans with me first!” you were about to throw a tantrum, and you would if that unwanted presence weren't there.

”let me play one last game,” you rolled your eyes, not believing a word he’s saying, “and then we’ll watch building murderers or whatever,” as you were about to make him picky promise you, donghyuck voice caught your attention.

“you want to watch only murders in the building?” he asked you, a tiny drop of genuine curiosity could be heard in his voice.

you slowly nodded, “i already watched the first season and there’s the new episodes of the second one-. . .” you stopped yourself before getting too excited about the series, “ i just want jisung to watch it an-. . .”

the taller boy interrupted you, “she wants someone to talk about it.” he said, trying, again, to take the controller out of your hands only for you to hit him in his arm before he could do it.

“i didn’t expect jan to be the killer, you know,” that was the last thing you expected the older boy to say but it made you look at him.

blinking a couple of times before turning your whole body around to talk with him, “it was so so obvious! what are you even talking about. . .”

if someone had told you that some day, you would have an interesting conversation with donghyuck, you would never believe it, but it was indeed a surprise, at least for you, having something in common to talk about with him.

for you, people who would try too hard to be liked by others are mostly fake and shouldn’t be trusted.

you swear you weren’t planning on eavesdropping, you just happened to be sitting there close to him and his other friends. even though you have never cared about other people’s conversation, damn not even when people talked to you.

“dude, you have to come tonight,” that characteristic ‘dude’ and the tone of the voice, you could tell it was mark. yes, you didn’t care about meeting other people but you knew all of jisung’s new friends.

“c’mon, you can watch that series later or something,” this time it was jaemin talking. as you were about to put your headphones on and just ignore the noise, mark’s voice caught your attention.

“do you really think she is going to like you just cause you watch the same show?” was the ‘she’ he was talking about, you? no, it doesn’t make any sense, why would he try so hard for you to like him? “dude yn probably doesn’t care you watched it just for her.”

you shake your head as you decided to stop listening, “dude, are you like in love?” no, it wasn’t that, it would be ridiculous for him, and honestly you didn’t care about his answer, so you got up and walked to your dorm.

you couldn’t deny how curious you were after hearing that conversation, if it was true that donghyuck watched the series just so you would stop ignoring him and have something in common, you would feel a bit weird. you really could not understand why he was trying so hard for you.

you can’t trust in someone who is friends to all, ‘cause that means he is actually friends to none.

yes, you may have taken the taylor swift lyric as advice, but so many people would agree with her, and you are one of them. the process of making friends involves something called ‘morality values’ and being friendly towards people who don't share the same values as you, it’s clearly someone who doesn’t have integrity. however, you do understand that there are people who are polite to others even when they don’t like them.

so there you were, narrowing your eyes, staring directly at him, some guy you don’t even know and don’t care to do so, while he was having a friendly conversation with donghyuck. you didn’t like him and in another occasion you wouldn't even acknowledge his presence but he was talking with someone who is supposed to be jisung’s friend.

you remember that day when you went to look for your best friend at the soccer field, you had plans with him but first you would see him play, he mentioned wanting you to be there supporting him, of course you said ‘no, i don’t even like sports.’ so there you were, outside the lockers waiting for him.

closing and opening the same apps to try and bare the waiting, some voices could be heard it wasn’t until you recognized jisung’s voice that you paid attention to what they were saying. ‘can you leave me alone, please’ it was your best friend, his voice was not as loud as the others but as soon as you heard it you stepped closer to the door, ‘oh, little boy is scared’ was this some kind of joke? you hoped so, ‘your girlfriend is not here, neither your boyfriend’ as you heard something that sounded like someone being punched, you quickly entered the room.

when you entered, the first thing you eyes searched for was jisung, finding him against the lockers with two boys around him, as you eyes found his, he was pleading you to leave, but that was not going to happen, “jisung,” he was clearly punched in his stomach, “move-. . .”

“yn, it’s oka-. . .” he interrupted you, not finishing his sentence as he saw you pushing the two boys. you stepped on your tiptoes to hold his face, your eyes searching for some bruise or something.

“your girlfriend came this time but-. . .” you rolled your eyes when you heard his voice, turning around to see him standing in front of you, “she won’t always be here.”

“oh, shut up,” you pushed his shoulder with one hand, as the other went to hold jisung’s hand, pulling him with you, “as if we are scared of a stupid idiot, move.”

as you were walking with jisung towards the door, you saw donghyuck, who seemed to have entered when you did.

now, you could not understand what he was thinking as he was having a friendly conversation with that boy, when it comes to jisung, everything it’s personal, so you can’t believe anyone would be his friend.

ii.

if someone asked you what is lee donghyuck in your life, you would probably say ‘a really good friend.’

the concept of ‘befriending’ consists of: acting as a friend to someone by offering help or support, for you, accepting help from someone else, is not very easy.

ever since you were a little kid, you would assure adults you could do anything on your own, it didn’t matter if you knew you could not do it, you would try to. sometimes even after you failed, you would refuse to seek help. maybe this was something you learned from your mother, she was always strong, and for you, she would do anything.

‘i am okay, i can do it’ is what you always tell yourself, you remember the first time you repeated that phrase in your head like a mantra, you were around ten years old when you got lost at a school event, your unstable breathing, your heart beating so fast in your chest, and your whole body trembling, it was the first time you had a panic attack, you don’t remember well what happened next, just a very worried teacher and a crying jisung.

you would say, that made you close yourself even more at the idea of new things, and helped you to be more observant. one perk of being able to sit down, quiet and going unnoticed, was observing other people, and in that way you can learn about them, their mannerisms, likes and dislikes, even notice little things they don’t.

for sure, you can not exactly pinpoint when you had changed your mind from ‘iugh, how can anyone be his friend’ to ‘hyuck is my friend’ but now, after observing lee donghyuck for around a year, you would say that he genuinely cares, and then acts nonchalant about it.

short version of the things you hate list: noise, people, tomatoes (for some reason) and a sad jisung. you loved your best friend and would do anything for him, even if that meant getting out of your comfort zone, so when he insisted on going to his friend’s party, you said no but when the day came, you dressed up and went to his dorm.

and he knew you like the back of his hand, parties weren’t your type of thing so he promised he would not dare to leave your side. you felt a little bit bad though, he probably wanted to go and chat with his friends or maybe participate in the games, but he was stuck at your side.

so as the twenty first minutes went by and the precious ning yizhuo came to talk to the both of you, you knew she mostly wanted to talk to jisung. and the minute you saw your best friend blushing, you felt like it was time to leave them to have time together. you may not know where to go but it didn’t matter, you were nineteen years old, you can spend at least five minutes alone at a party, right?

while they were busy talking about zodiac signs or whatever people your age used to flirt with, you excused yourself from the conversation, and left to go to a less crowded place.

except, you couldn’t find a quieter place, as you walked away from yet another room where strangers were all over each other, you felt your hands tingling and you knew you were starting to feel bad. you blinked a few times, trying to concentrate on leaving the house, but as the time passed it was getting even more difficult to breathe.

‘i’m okay, keep walking’ was the only thing you kept repeating to yourself in your mind, as you ignored the constricted feeling growing in your chest and walked through a small crowd of sweaty dancing bodies, the sensation of as if you were being choked was unbearable.

you wondered why you could not be like other people while you were concentrating in taking deep breaths to calm yourself, you don’t like being in crowded places, or being around many people. when you thought you were calming down, a strong feeling of danger clouded your mind and as the touch of something wrapped around your wrist, you became even more anxious, your instinct to hit whoever was touching you was quick.

when you turned around to hit and run from that person, you saw donghyuck standing in front of you with both hands up, worry took over his facetures. you did notice he was talking as you saw his lips were moving, but you couldn't hear anything. still you forced yourself to say, “i am okay.”

he shook his head, “you are not okay, you're shaking. what can i do? please, just let me help you." the older boy slowly stepped closer and motioned to his hand, and you for some reason you trusted him so you simply let him do whatever he was thinking of doing.

he used both of his hands to hold your face, looking at your face for a couple of seconds, he knew something was wrong. your whole body language was very clear but he needed to check if you were physically hurt, as he was checking for any wound or something alike, you finally found the strength to talk, “can-. . . i want to leave.”

before he could even react, your hand reached for his, who was still holding your face, so he smiled at you, nodding and as you were passing through a sea of bodies to get to the front door, his hold on your hand was stronger.

once you were standing outside of the party house, he waited a couple of minutes, giving you time for you to come back to your senses. the first thing you noticed the moment you calmed down, was that both of his hands were caressing yours.

“umm. . . sorry,” you cleared your throat, “thank you, donghyuck,” it was the first time calling him by his name, and it didn’t feel awkward, “you can. . . go back inside, i-. . .”

he interrupted you ”oh, the party was boring”, shaking his head, “i was on my way home,” you felt a little glad he helped you when he pulled away from you, letting your hands fall by your sides and started walking.

as he walked you home that night, talking about a new series he started watching just to distract you from your own mind, you thought that maybe his loudness wasn’t that bad. you’d like to think that was the moment you started to grow fond of him, when you started to see him as a friend.

since you met him, you never believed the ‘nice act’ he would put on but now, you would say he’s actually nice.

when you are stressed you tend to not eat, not because you aren’t hungry or something like that, it’s because you don’t find the time. as of now, you were starving, since you woke up this morning, you decided to spend your day studying in the campus library, it was exams week and you have a very important french history test, but you couldn’t get yourself to remember anything of what you were reading.

while you were reading the same paragraph you have been trying to memorize, someone placed a strawberry milk and a croissant in front of you.

"did you eat today?" you heard hyuck’s voice as you put the book down, he was sitting at the chair by your side while drinking an iced coffee.

you blinked a couple of times, your eyes going from him to the things he placed in front of you, “i. . .- thank you,” a grateful smile took over your facetures.

“it’s just cause jaemin canceled on me, that was for him,” he shrugged his shoulders as he reached to open the milk for you, another ‘thank you’ left your lips before taking a bite of the croissant.

he took the book you were reading, acting as if it was interesting but as you drank your strawberry milk you saw through his ‘nonchalant act’, no one believes that when he is the most chalant person ever.

even someone who’s used to do everything alone, there were times when you couldn’t like when you are at the supermarket and you want something for the top shelf, when you are peacefully living and out nowhere you see a cockroach or when you are so sick you can’t leave your dorm and buy medicine. at times like these, there was only one person you would ask for help, your best friend.

you would say there’s a couple of things worse than being sick, that is having a flu when you are on your period and on top of that not having any medicine, so you did the only thing you could, you texted jisung so he could do it for you.

“holy shit,” oh god, there was that loud voice again, “i thought you were dead! never do that to me again!” you heard hyuck’s voice as you opened your dorm door, with a blanket over your shoulders as you hugged yourself.

“don’t,” you said as you felt like your head was going to explode, “leave me alone,” you let out a dramatic cry, “i thought you were ji,” as you were to close the door, he gently pushed you away so he could enter the dorm.

he put his hands over your shoulders, “sung told me to bring you the medicine,” as he made you walk to your bed and lay down, “i. . .- there’s also soup, really efficient my grandma made it,” you looked at him as he was taking the things out of the bag and putting it over your nightstand.

“ji? why did he send you, i asked him to do it,” you said closing your eyes, clearing your sore throat, “also. . . your grandma?”

he shook his head, handing you the medicine and a water bottle, “yea, my brother is also sick so. . . just take your medicine, “ he said as he opened the bottle, “i have to go, text me if you need anything else.”

that moment, as he left your dorm, you couldn’t even express how grateful you felt to have him in your life, he was indeed a good friend. you would say, since that day, he became the second person you’d trust the most and would ask him for something if jisung couldn’t do it.

for you, changing your mind about certain things is impossible, so you still couldn’t understand why he was friendly with everybody. while being his friend, you noticed how he always try to evade conflicts with other people and would just let them walk over him sometimes.

the second you found out why he tries so hard to be liked, you knew it was your turn to care about him.

getting to know lee donghyuck was way different than how you expected, since the minute you met him, you thought he was like an open book and that he was easy to read, but turns out he wasn’t. knowing he was the type of kid who was always left out and hearing him say he never wanted to be alone again, you decided you were always going to be his friend, kind of like you are with jisung.

“is now a bad time to tell you i’m claustrophobic?” you heard hyuck’s whisper as you were peeking through the closet door, his breathing hitting the back of your head while he was nervously fidgeting with his hands.

you turned around to look at him, not minding how close you were, “and what-. . . god,” you were never again helping him to prank someone, “just-. . . here, hold my hand,” you didn’t know how to help him, so you extended your hand hoping it would help him somehow, he gently took it and started playing with your fingers.

oh, to understand how you got into that situation, it was because you received an “i need help, 911, someone help me,” text from him. you should have known better after he told you jisung refused to help, so there you were in mark’s closet hiding from him, because hyuck’s great idea of a prank did not go well.

as you were thinking about a way to distract your friend from panicking, you laughed at your own joke before saying it to him, “are you finally coming out the closet? i knew you liked mark but you didn’t need to make it so literally.”

“he. . .-” before he could finish saying anything, the closet door was opened, mark staring at both of you with a not surprised expression on his face, “why are you guys in the closet,”

“so. . .- you know i am such a great friend and i was helping him with his claustrophobia,” you said letting hyuck’s hand go and stepping out the closet, “as his roommate you should kno. . .”

“so it has nothing to do with the box of fake snakes that is on my bed,” he interrupted you, pointing out the box.

you closed your mouth, pushing your friend towards mark, “his idea, i have nothing to do with that,” you quickly walked out their shared apartment, as you motioned your hands as goodbye.

when you celebrate your birthday it always goes the same way: jisung buys a cake, sings happy birthday, sometimes a gift and that’s it. and to celebrate his birthday, it’s also the same, sometimes a diner with his other friends but nothing too big. now that you have another friend, there’s another type of birthday but there’s a big difference this time, he does like big celebrations.

so there you were with your best friend, at donghyuck and mark’s shared apartment, many balloons scattered all over the floor as you guys were thinking about how to decorate the living room. you are not used to doing all of this, but here you were going over the top with a birthday party.

“maybe we should move the table to. . .-” you stopped talking as you heard the front door opening, you saw jisung with a panicked expression over his face before turning around and finding donghyuck’s eyes looking at the balloons and then to the both of you.

“you guys. . .” his voice full of emotion as he opened his arms waiting for a group hug, you pushed jisung towards him, there was no way you were going to hug hyuck when he was all sentimental.

“why are you here? jaemin was supposed to keep you busy” you said, walking to sit on the couch, as hyuck squeezed the hell out of your best friend. you were going to kill jaemin, he had one job and it was the easiest! never again including his other friends in a surprise.

even though he was very happy, you were sulking because your surprise had failed, a pout adorning your face as you were sitting there listening to hyuck expressing how grateful he was to have both of you as his friends.

who would have thought that after two years of knowing donghyuck he would became the second person you trust the most, you would still get annoyed by his presence sometimes, but it was normal, it would happen with jisung too, so being friends with him for around a year made you realise how wrong you were when you met him, you would say that now, you can understand why anyone would be his friend.

the cold breeze made you shiver as you stepped out jisung’s dorm building, hyuck by your side as he was going to walk you back to your dorm, your best friend wanted to ‘celebrate’ your friendship and decided to make a home cooked meal to do that, but after trying his food, you decided you would never let him near a kitchen again.

“oh god, i could sue him for food poisoning,” you groaned, even though you tried only a bite and then decided to buy some pizza, you could still smell the horrible pasta he had made.

“how can someone mess up cooking pasta?” he said laughing and it was true, cooking pasta is one of the easiest things ever.

“it’s jisung we are talking about, hyuck,” his nickname was barely a whisper as you felt his hand gently take around your wrist for a couple of seconds, guiding you to the other side of the sidewalk. you felt your mind going blank for a second, before looking directly at him, “i thought you were mean for a long time, you know,” you confessed, taking him by surprise.

“mean?” he let out a barely audible laugh, “really?” you could see he was taken aback by your words, but he still looked at you and smiled.

“you were too nice with everyone,” you shrugged your shoulders and rolled your eyes as he whispered ‘most people are nice’, “no, but for me you were so fake, hated that jisung was close to you.”

“oh? that sounds like you were jealous,” he said, getting close to your face to say the last word, “do- you. . .” cleared his throat, hesitated to say what was on his mind, “do you like him?”

“jisung? oh god no,” you fake vomited as you shook your hands, “he’s like a brother to me, you know. . . and no, i was not jealous,” you were about to hit him in his arm but he was faster than you and moved before you could, “it’s just. . . i remember you were nice to that idiot.”

he stopped walking, staring at you with his head tilted, “who?”

“you know, the one that was bullying jisung,” you said, stopping in front of him, even though you were close friends now,and jisung never cared about that, you did, and it definitely bothered you.

“oh,” it was barely audible but you were close enough to hear it, “yn, i-. . . i was not being nice with him,” you opened your mouth to say something, he was not going to take you for crazy, but he quickly said, “i told the dean about it, so he was going to be suspended,” oh, so that’s what the conversation was about, “he was trying to convince me to talk with jisung. . . and i was not letting him get close to sung,” you really misjudged him, “sung would probably forgive him or something.”

you definitely knew you should apologize to him, because two years ago you were the rudest person to him, the sweetest person who could ever exist. you were grateful that donghyuck was part of jisung’s life. . . and yours.

iii.

lately you have been thinking that lee donghyuck may be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

the concept of ‘best thing’ does not exactly imply someone, is just something that’s amazing, innovative, or extremely useful, also could be say one of the greatest inventions or ideas. for you, hyuck is amazing, and that is no good.

it’s been years, four to be more exact, since you saw donghyuck for the first time in the cafeteria and many things have changed.

for example, your best friend left the college dorm and moved into hyuck and mark’s apartment, you would describe them as ‘dumb, dumber and even more dumber’ trio, everyone is surprised when you tell ‘em that dumb is hyuck, and the other two are mark and jisung.

them being roommates made you, naturally, interact more with mark and their other friends, they weren’t that bad, except when they are all together because they would be really loud and that’s when you leave, too much noise for you. so, you would say, you are more social now.

also, you are closer to donghyuck now, sometimes jisung would joke about how you have forgotten about him and often says something like ‘hyuck replaced me’ and has now taken his place as your best friend. it’s not totally a lie, recently you have been spending more time with hyuck and you would say that the dynamic between the both of you has shifted a little ‘cause you have started to pay more attention to him, and you would say there are three things that you have noticed, first of all he knows you better than anyone else, and he would probably say the same to you.

there are some things you think are never going to change, like how uncomfortable you feel in crowded places, it’s exhausting. still, you would try to have a good time with your friends. it was mark’s 25th birthday and of course your friends wanted to celebrate with more than a dinner, donghyuck did everything to convince you to go, mentioning how you could leave early if you wanted, so there you were at an amusement park, the friend group consisting of mark, jaemin, chenle, hyuck, jisung, ning and, of course, you.

you can’t deny you have had a great time, going from one ride to another, laughing at hyuck for being scared of heights while he pouts over mark calling him ‘a baby’ and you saying ‘i think i’m going to stay here, i’m tired, you guys go’ just to not let hyuck wait for the group alone. around four hours later, it was finally lunch time and not only were most of you starving, you guys were also tired, your feet hurt from the waiting lines and the walking all around the park. so after eating the group decided to separate for an hour to do whatever everyone wanted before sticking to the itinerary chenle had made.

mark and jaemin wanted to try some food they had seen when they arrived at the park, chenle wanted to buy some things for his partner, jisung and ning wanted to do some couple’s things you don’t even remember. you thought about sitting on a bench and just stare at nothing for an hour, but donghyuck had different plans, he dragged you to a photobooth with the excuse of ‘we have been friends for years and barely any pic together’ then, he bought ice cream and you finally had your ‘staring at nothing’ time.

it was nice being with hyuck in silence, while you were people watching, he was on his phone doing something you don’t even know what. you would say that it had only passed fifteen minutes when the older boy stood up in front of you and muttered ‘let’s go’. as soon as you stood, donghyuck started walking, not without making sure you were close enough to not get lost in the crowd. when passing a busy crowd, you got closer enough to even touch hyuck’s back, you felt like holding your breath until you saw jisung waving his hand at the both of you.

the group was at the waiting line of the racing cars, as soon as you both joined the group, you heard mark’s voice “yo,” he said, a little too loud, “are you guys, like, finally together?” what is he even talking about, you must have been clearly confused as ning pointed out your hands and said, “you guys are holding hands.”

oh, it must have happened when you were walking past that busy crowd, your hands must have been entwining on their own, how could you not notice that? you stared at your hands for a second before hearing jaemin say, “we have enough with ning and jisung, no more couples,” you quickly let go of his hand, as hyuck cleared his throat, “it’s not like that, she’s so dumb i thought i could lose her in the crowd.”

yeah, sure, “why are you both blushing then,” chenle pointed out making you turn to look at hyuck, his cheeks were indeed covered with a light pink blush, it was new, at least for you, you shook your head ignoring whatever they were saying and walked to jisung who elbowed you while smiling, with a ‘something happened?’ in his eyes, you motioned your hand telling him to ‘stop’ with your eyes.

…

“i told you that you’d have a great time,” hyuck’s voice could be heard over the phone as you were listening to his voice note, while you were talking off your makeup. you were finally at home and even though you’d usually wouldn’t answer the messages after spending the whole day with them, but right now you were more than happy to be talking with him.

“oh, shut up,” you started the voice note playfully, “it was nice tho,” you said as you were fiddling with the bottom of your shirt, “thank u for inviting me.”

you decided to take a quick shower before continuing to talk with hyuck, around ten minutes later you walked out the bathroom and went directly to check your phone, not stopping the smile forming on your face as soon as you saw a message from him.

he only sends voice notes, he barely texts but when you heard the “always, yn,” you felt nervous, his voice sounded different as he was saying your name. you stared at the screen for a couple of minutes, writing a ‘it’s late, night!” text, and laying on your bed.

not even five seconds later he had already answered you, with another voice note, you took a deep breath before pressing play “good night, angel,” your mind went blank for a minute, it was the first time he called you like that, what is wrong with this man today? you asked yourself as you put your phone on your nightstand.

you closed your eyes trying to calm yourself and stop the smile that was forming on your face as you realised that suddenly you wanted to fall in love.

in love with lee donghyuck.

there’s always a time of the year when you would feel bad, not physically, but mentally. you are not very sure what caused it this time, maybe it was that your grades have dropped down and that caused you to be even more stressed. it could also be that you were needing time to understand your feelings, realising that you may like donghyuck was something you were trying to forget, those feelings weren’t necessary, he was your friend, nothing more.

if you checked your phone you would probably see all the unanswered messages you have, from your mom, jisung and hyuck, who has also tried to call you but you weren’t going to answer. even though you would say you were feeling better than the day before, you still decided to skip the only morning class you had.

you wish you could skip the rest of the day, but french history is the only one you don’t care about. so for you to say you were surprised to see hyuck passing back and forth in front of your door at noon, was an understatement.

before you could say anything, he stood in front of you, “please don’t shut me out right now,” you were taken aback, his voice sounded like pleading, you stare at him for a second, noticing a little frown on his face, his dishevelled hair, that you can imagine it’s for passing his hand through it several times.

“i-. . . what are you talking about?” you asked as you closed the door behind you, nervously playing with your finger avoiding his eyes.

he got closer to you, making you step back until your back was touching your dorm door, “i was giving you time ‘cause i thought you were avoiding me for. . .” he shook his head, letting out a breathy laugh, “but, jisung is also worried, you don’t answer him either.”

“i’m okay,” you simply said, shaking your head before gently moving past him, trying to go to your class.

his hand around your wrist made you stop, “don’t lie to me, yn,” he made you turn around, this time your eyes did met, “c’mon, what’s going on,” it took you a few seconds before you actually told him how you were feeling, avoiding the ‘i may like you more than a friend’ part. he listened attentively, not interrupting you once and when you finished talking, his arms quickly surrounded you, hugging you tightly.

and that’s when you thought, hyuck is your friend, and you know that as long as you have him, you will always know what a real friend is.

and you refused to ruin that.

of all the five languages of love, you would say you are good in. . . none, and for you, to be loved and cherished out loud is what donghyuck deserves.

since you met him, you knew he was a loud person and now you can say, he is a loud lover. and not even in terms of romance, he’s always letting his friends know how loved and appreciated they are, celebrating every little thing they archived. as of right now, he was walking you home after a friendly hang out to celebrate ‘jisung’s first time cooking something edible’ it was stupid but he insisted on going to the mall and celebrating.

you felt his hand on yours as you were crossing the street, you ignore it, thinking he would let it go once you reached the other side but he didn’t, “just to clarify,” he cleared his throat making you look at him, “me holding your hand doesn’t mean anything,” he moved your holding hands at your eye level, “not in that way, unless. . . you want it to mean something, i don’t mind, that’s cool” you bite the inside of your cheek to not laugh at him, still you couldn’t stop the giggles that escaped from your lips.

you’d feel totally happy if it weren’t for that small voice inside your head you were trying to block out, but the thought of knowing you weren’t meant to love him, was ringing too loud in your mind. you wish you could be as loud as he is, that you could make him feel loved like he makes you feel.

you realised you were too deep in your thoughts the second he squeezed your hand, noticing you were right outside your dorm building. you blinked a couple of times before looking at him, who was already smiling at you, a light pink blush adorning his cute cheeks. you stood on your tiptoes to put your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, it was the first time you initiated a hug, he let out a breathy laugh.

“oh, this is new,” he said as his arms went to hold you by your waist, he hid his face on your neck and you could feel his smile. but you couldn't feel as happy as him, you were hoping he wouldn’t notice it, for you, this hug felt like the last one. “i’m not going anywhere,” he joked, you quickly pulled back, he let out a barely audible sound of disappointment but still smiled at you, holding your hand again.

you reciprocated his smile, how could you not when he looked so happy, and that got you wondering, not only you were loved by donghyuck you also have a really good group of friends, do you really deserve to be treated like that by them? that thought was too loud to ignore.

iv.

lee donghyuck is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

the concept of ‘worthy of something’ may be complicated, you have to be good enough to deserve something, or that’s what you think. for you, a person worthy of love is hyuck; someone who’s kind, understanding, genuine and caring and you may have ruined it

you were taught that to have something special, you have to deserve it. once, when you were ten years old, you went home with a shiny bracelet some kid had gifted you on the playground, it was your first time playing with that little boy and for some reason he gave you the bracelet, you liked it, how could you say ‘no’?

but your mom thought differently, when you went to the kitchen and excitedly told her the story, you remember her words very clearly, ‘you don’t deserve to have that’ then she made you go to the park the next day to find that kid and give it back to him.

since then, every time you are buying groceries, clothes or anything, those words repeat in your head. so you avoid expensive or shiny things, because you can’t think of a moment when you have been deserving of something good. you would say that’s your excuse for why you have been donghyuck, he is too good for you and you don’t deserve it.

as the cold of the night made you shiver, you could be found all curled up in your bed staring at your phone screen. it was a friday night and no one was surprised you texted ‘i have the flu’ in the groupchat for the third time in a row, when they were making plans. as much as you hated to admit it, you couldn’t stop thinking about him, feeling sad while looking at the few photos you have of him on your phone.

you had a movie playing to make some background noise and you couldn’t believe there was a time you hated his loudness, ‘cause now, you can’t bear this silence.

as you cross upon a video you don’t even remember you had recorded, it was the week jisung had moved into their shared apartment, you were lying by his side on his bed. filming the both of you eating some chocolate cookies he had offer you, when out of nowhere you hear donghyuck’s voice ‘i’m going to kill you’ you turn the camera and a few seconds later, he makes his appearance, he was wearing a cat pyjamas and with his dishevelled hair falling over his eyed made him look so cute, ‘you ate my cookies’ he yelled as he pointed at both of you.

you giggle as you watch the video a couple of times more, pausing the video to stare at him for a minute, how could he be so cute, you wanted to cry. you were resisting the urge to text him, it wouldn’t be fair to him, you were the one who was avoiding him and you knew he was with the boys at some bar, mark had posted a picture with ‘the bros finally together’.

you let your mind wander around the thought of hyuck tonight, with his oversized grey hoodie looking so so handsome, you pouted at the thought of taking care of him tonight, he is a very clingy drunk. but that was destroyed when out of nowhere, your brain decided to include a realistic moment of a girl flirting with your hyuck.

you shook your head, trying to get that image out of your head, you decided to keep watching the videos you have, this one was one of your favorites, you were filming your friends.

jaemin was trying to drink a beer in one go, mark yelling ‘dude’, jisung and ning clapping while laughing, and chenle rolling his eyes. you turned the camera to film yourself at the same time hyuck gently scooted closer to you and gently rested his head on your shoulder taking a peek at your phone screen, you smiled as you saw him realise you were making a video and he was in it.

you let out a deep breath as you closed your eyes, you could feel you were about to cry but you don’t deserve to when it was all your fault. ‘you are so stupid’ you told yourself, mentally scolding you for having done what you did. you had convinced yourself that you ran away because you care so much about him.

a gasp escapes your lips the moment your phone vibrates on your hands, seeing ‘mark’ on your screen was. . . weird, he was the last one you thought would call you, like, ever. your mind was filled with one hundred bad things that could’ve happened, picking up the call immediately.

“mark? is something wrong?” you asked, getting ready to change your pyjamas.

“yo-. . . yn!” he was sober and didn’t sound like something was wrong, that calmed yourself a little, still you were standing in front of your closet, “chenle stop scaring jaemin!” he yelled, oh, they were really drunk, “can you do me a favor?” you weren’t sure if he was talking to you, “yn, you hear me?” oh, he was, you let out a positive sound, “can you come to our apartment? i know it's late but. . . chenle!” you heard some sobbing in the back, maybe it was jaemin since chenle was scaring him.

“mark?” you asked as you were putting some hoodie on, “for what?”

“oh, sorry, it’s just, yn, i think,” mark was interrupted by a very drunk hyuck ‘yn? she’s talking to you?’ oh, the sobbing was him not jaemin, ‘i want to talk to her’ you heard what sounded like him trying to snatch the phone from mark’s hand, “dude, wait, yn please, help me.” he immediately hung up.

. . .

you understood why mark needed help, as soon as you arrived to their apartment complex, you weren’t even too close but you could see jaeming running away from chenle who was chasing him with. . . a stick in his hands, jisung was nowhere to be seen so you could assume he was sober and at his girlfriend place, as you were walking towards a very stressed mark trying to calm down a crying hyuck, you felt like crying too.

“yn!” mark yelled in relief as soon as he saw you standing in front of him, you gave him a lip-tight smile, “i have to take those two home,” he pointed out chenle who was now being chased by jaemin, “can you please take care of hyuck?” he didn’t even wait for you to answer him, he immediately went to take the stick from jaemin’s hands.

kneeling down in front of hyuck, who was sitting on the floor staring at nothing, lost in thought, “hey,” you whispered, making him look up, as soon as his eyes met yours, your heart broke.

his eyes were red, probably because he has been crying, his nose was tinted by a light shade of red was his hands reached to touch you, “yn,” a couple of giggles escaped his lips, “you feel. . . too real this time,” he was talking slowly, a sign he was drunk.

“so-sorry,” he said as his hands were touching your face, “i made you uncomfortable,” you tilted your head to the side, confused by his words, “you don’t- i like you and not you,” oh, he thinks you are avoiding him because you don’t feel the same, “let me be with you,” tears were starting to form in his eyes, “we can be friends,” you quickly holded his face wiping the tears of his face, “we can. . . i get over- over those feelings,” he hiccuped, “i want- just. . . be by your side.”

even though you were trying not to, you ended up crying with his words, “hyuck,” this time, it was him wiping the tears off your face, “let’s go inside, it’s. . . you are shivering,” you say taking his hand to get up and enter the building.

as soon as you stepped inside the elevator, your breath hitched when you felt his hands around your waist pulling you closer to him, your back hitting his chest and he took the opportunity to hide his face in the crock of your neck. yet, when you hear him sobbing again, you bite the inside of your cheek, were you really that bad to him?

opening the door of his apartment, he was still back hugging you, muttering some nonsense you couldn’t understand. you sighed as you entered his room, hearing a sound of disappointment when you took his hands off of you, turning around to face him, “let’s get you ready for bed, umm?” you were holding his hands.

he nodded, walking toward his bed and sitting there with you between his legs, “i don’t want to,” he said trying to keep his eyes open, you could tell he was tired, you let go one of his hands to play with his hair.

“aren’t you tired?” you asked, tilting your head with a smile forming on your lips.

he shook his head, putting his arms around your waist, “i just,” he nuzzled his face against your stomach, “know. . . you may not be here when i wake up. . .” he looked up and you could see he finally closed his eyes, “this is a dream. . . a good one,” he looked so cute with a pout adorning his lips. “i get to see u in those now. . .” oh, you were going to cry.

you decided to try to get him to change his clothes, you knew if he continued talking you were going to cry, again. it took you around twenty long minutes to get him to change into his pyjamas and lay in his bed. you thought how ironic it was that earlier that night you were thinking about taking care of his drunk self, and now, that’s what you were doing.

you couldn’t resist yourself as you kissed his forehead quickly, he looked so cute when he slept, his hair falling above his eyes, a pout on his lips, one of your hands being held by him while the other played with his hair. after everything he told you tonight, it was hard to leave.

as you pulled your hand away from his gently, getting up to leave the apartment, your eyes started to water, why must you always ruin every good thing that happens to you?

you have been living under what it seems like a never ending dark shadow but lee donghyuck is the light that fills your word.

the concept of ‘love’ you like the most is the philosophical one, that it is more than a feeling. you agree with plato and aristotle, love it’s a bond between people who admire one another and therefore choose to support one another over time. in that way, you would say love isn’t totally out of your control. for you, it was clear now that donghyuck has chosen to love you.

you started to feel curious about love when you were a teenager, it was mostly because everyone around you was obsessed with it, even jisung. you remember how excited he was when he told you about a girl he liked back then, and you couldn’t understand it at first.

mostly because you only knew what platonic love was, you would say at that moment it was the only one you cared about, because that was what you felt towards jisung. but deep down, you were genuinely curious of how romantic love feels like.

you have never been good at self expression, you tend to bury your feelings and never act on them, you avoid situations where you have to talk about how you feel, that’s how you have always been. even with jisung, who has been by your side all your life, you would always have a disgusted expression on your face every time he told you how much he appreciates you in his life.

for you, park jisung, is the only person in the world whom you allow to help you to understand your feelings, and whom you actually listen and do as he says, that’s why when you called him a random midnight ‘just to talk’ he was surprised to say at least. he didn’t even interrupted you once you started to explain everything to him, from when you started to like his best friend and how your mind convinced you that you didn’t deserve him, to how you broke his heart and he probably hates you now.

even though you knew he wanted to scold you for how stupid you are, his words made you tear up, ‘i’m glad you trust me enough, I've been waiting for you to talk to me ever since that day when we were sixteen, remember? the only time i saw you crying, never knew why. . . yn, yes donghyuck loves loudly, but that doesn’t mean you don’t know how to love, you just do it quietly and that’s okay.’ it was then, the second time jisung ever heard you cry, ‘you think just ‘cause you never say it we don’t know? your action can tell, yn, and also, you do deserve good things, i can repeat that until you forget your mom’s voice. . . now, i can’t tell you what he feels or not, but if you want to apologize you can do it, that’s your choice, it was you who made those bad decisions then and it’s you who is apologising now.”

your best friend's voice echoed in your head as you were walking through the aisles of the grocery store, waiting for the rain to slow down. you were seriously thinking about going to his apartment, preparing a speech in your head to apologise to him even though you feel it is already late.

you remember the last text message he sent you, ‘sorry for last night, won’t bother you again, stay safe’ it had already been a week since you last saw him and for you that text was his way of saying goodbye. it took you a couple of deep breaths, as you thought that you should be brave for him this time, cause now, you only want to love and cherish donghyuck for the rest of your life.

you didn’t care that it was raining, you had to apologize to donghyuck now because maybe you won’t feel as brave later. leaving the grocery store even though you had no umbrella, you decided to go walking to the guy’s shared apartment, it was closer to where you were.

as soon as the first raindrop touched your skin, you shivered, your bones feeling the cold of the night.

. . .

you had taken this decision without thinking it too much, you realised when you arrived at their apartment complex, you didn’t have your phone with you so there you were, waiting for someone to appear so you could enter the building. you were standing there, soaked in the rain, with a bag full of snacks, “oh, dear,” you heard a voice behind you making you turn around, “what are you doing here?” you smile when you see the old lady who lives next to the boys, “why didn’t you call your boyfriend?” she asked, opening the door.

“my boyfriend?” you said a little confused, as you helped the old lady with her own bags.

she nodded while walking with you to the elevator, “yes, donghyuck is your boyfriend or not?” she tilted her head confused as she pressed the bottom of which floor you were going to, “he told me that.”

“oh,” you nodded, “yes, it’s just that i left my phone and. . . that’s why i was waiting there,” you gave her a lip-tight smile, having someone think that he is your boyfriend makes you feel so giggly for some reason.

as you both say your goodbyes, you took a deep breath, knocking on the boys’ apartment. you started to feel nauseous as you were waiting for someone to open the door, your mind racing and making up scenarios in which he lets you know he hates you and never wants to see you again.

you were so lost in your own thoughts you didn’t notice mark had opened the door, “dude. . . are you ok?” you blinked a couple of times, meeting mark’s confused eyes, “hyuck” he yells as he looks around.

a couple of seconds later, you heard his voice, “why are you call-. . .yn,” you were standing there, frozen, not knowing what to say. the moment he realised you were soaking, he rushed to the door, “yn,” he said pushing mark who simply said ‘dude’ and walked away, “you are shivering, here, take. . . this jacket.”

you let out a laugh as you see a big red jacket he gently put around your shoulders, you knew it was jisung’s, “sorry for. . -”

he interrupts you, pulling you inside the apartment, “let’s get you warm first.”

“no,” you said motioning your hand, “let me talk,” he nodded at you, “i want to apologise. . . i have been horrible to you, can’t understand how you can be nice to me right now,” you felt your eyes watering, “i hurt you, i have been rude to you since the day i met you. . . and shit i don’t deserve to be here talking to you,” a sob escaped between your lips, “but, i want to. . . let you know that even though i’m a hard person to love, you have made me feel loved every day since i met you,” you used the back of your hand to wipe away the tears, “and. . . if you let me, i want to make you feel loved too,” your eyes looked up searching for his, but he was looking at the floor, “cause you are the best thing that ever happened to me,” at this point you knew you had to look pathetic, you were horribly crying, “you have always been nice to me, gentle, caring, understanding and. . .” it was hard to say those eight letters when you felt like he didn’t wanted to hear them, “can i love you?”

as soon as those words escaped your lips, his eyes met yours and the sight of him crying broke your heart, you stepped closer to him, hesitation in every step you took, “yn,” hearing him saying your name with a smile on his face, made you smile too, throwing your arms around his neck the moment he said those eight letters to you, “i love you,” he said as you felt his hands around your waist pulling your closer to him, not caring about getting his clothes wet, “and is the easiest thing in the word.”

𝜗𝜚⋆₊

949 notes · View notes

mystarsohee · 8 months ago

Text

THE RED VELVET CAKE 🥹🥹🥹 stop im so normal abt this

— ONE YEAR LATER —

WARNINGS: MDNI !!!! this is my failed attempt at writing smut in a way 😞 idk but sohee is a tiddie man here 👍 mentions of cumming, sucking dick and tits, and fingering, dry humping is heavily implied. so, basically reader and sohee are getting freaky. sohee is vv needy. don’t hate please i don’t usually write this, this was hard for me 😭

☁︎ — AUGUST 8TH, 2025 9:13 AM

“okay these are cool enough,” anton mumbles to himself while getting a batch of cupcakes out and placing them in front of seunghan. handing him the frosting, anton briefly turns towards where he was previously standing to get another apron.

“get the frosting and start decorating them,” anton orders as he throws seunghan an apron before quickly turning back to re-read the ingredients he needs for the next cupcake batch.

“having a mental bake down,” seunghan reads out loud as he extends the apron the younger boy gave him. “i think this one suits you better,” seunghan snickers out as he watches anton stressfully tug at his hair.

“what?” anton asks, turning in his ‘i cook as good as i look’ apron. “whatever. seunghan, just put it on and start decorating the cupcakes!”

letting out a small chuckle at anton’s frustrated expression, seunghan nods his head and begins putting on the apron. concentrated, he rolls up his sleeves as he gets the icing bag anton gave him and starts gently squeezing the icing out.

“more eggs!” anton randomly yells out once he sees the egg carton empty. jumping at anton’s sudden voice, seunghan accidentally squeezes the icing bag much harder than he anticipated, causing the icing to messily overflow on top of the cupcake.

“fuck!” seunghan mumbles to himself, wide eyed as he quickly scrambles to hide the cupcake away from anton’s sight.

not taking any notice to his older friend’s actions, anton quickly walks towards the refrigerador and takes hold of the egg carton. watching as the taller boy returns back to his spot, seunghan lets out a sigh of relief before choosing to continue hiding the cupcake away from anton and work on the rest of the batch.

not another minute goes by before they hear the doorbell ringing. groaning, anton immediately shakes his head, silently choosing to ignore the doorbell.

“i’ll get it-” seunghan replies only for anton to ignore him.

“busy!” anton yells out. playfully rolling his eyes at anton’s actions, seunghan makes his way to the licubg room to go open the front door. “hey, no! you have to finish decorating the cupcakes!”

“seunghan, there’s no time! get back here!” anton yells out in disbelief once more. rolling his eyes yet again at the younger boy, seunghan opens the front door and immediately lets out a sigh of relief.

“oh, thank god!” seunghan sighs out, quickly stepping out the door to hug his friends. “he’s being insufferable,” he mumbles against eunseok’s chest.

“wait—” seunghan says while he detangles himself from eunseok to get a better look at him. “don’t you have a key?”

“anton took it away from him,” sungchan snickers out causing eunseok to send him a glare.

“what about you?” seunghan curiously asks, turning to look at SOHEE; still confused on why they rang the doorbell.

“i do,” sohee confirms. “eunseok threatened to steal it away from me so i thought ringing the doorbell would be the safest option.”

“everyone move!” wonbin suddenly yells out, pushing everyone aside. “everything has to be perfect,” he states as he makes a beeline straight towards the kitchen to help out anton.

laughing at his words, shotaro walks right behind him. shrugging his shoulders, sungchan follows while patting sohee’s back to signal him to come inside as well.

waiting for sohee to step inside, eunseok pulls seunghan aside. “i’m still going to steal it away from him,” he openly admits, eyeing sohee’s pocket before also stepping inside the house.

taking off his shoes near the entrance, sohee discreetly watches as his friends put on aprons while anton gives them all different orders. looking at the staircase, he decides to tiptoe his way up the stairs. quietly and slowly, sohee continues making his way up to your room.

“wait, where’s sohee?” anton eyed his friends, confused on where the shorter boy was. with wide eyes, sohee picks up his pace and runs to your bedroom door.

panicking, sohee knocks on your door multiple times as he turns around to make sure anton wasn’t magically standing behind him. “c’mon,” he whispers to himself, not wanting to get caught.

“pretty girl,” sohee mumbles as he continues to knock on your door. “open the door please!”

“ba-” he tries again but gets caught off by your door opening. at the sight of you, sohee instantly closes his mouth as he eyes you up and down. taking notice of you standing in front of him in just a towel, he suddenly feels his cheeks heating up and turn a bright shade of red. “h-hi,” sohee stutters out, wide eyed.

giggling at his expression, you take his hand and bring him inside your room before closing the door behind you. taking a sit on your bed, sohee continues to eye your frame before turning an even darker shade of red when getting caught.

“you’ve literally seen me naked before,” you playfully roll your eyes at him as you walk towards where he was now sitting.

“have i?” sohee asks while wrapping his arms around your waist. “i don't think i remember, can you remind me?” he asks, completely ignoring his rapid beating heart as he brings your body even closer to his.

laughing at him, you shake your head as you place your hands on his shoulder to balance yourself. laughing along with you, sohee places sweet delicate kisses on your collarbone. feeling goosebumps at the sudden contact, you quietly gasp as you subconsciously move your neck back to allow more access.

smirking at your reaction, sohee moves his hands and guides you to sit on his lap. too focused on your pleasure, you instantly obey and sit yourself down. groaning at the feeling of your naked body on top of his, sohee starts leaving a trail of wet kisses on your neck before sucking lightly behind your ear.

“you’re perfect,” your boyfriend whispers out as he continues sucking on your sweet spot. “so perfect.”

“fuck,” you breathlessly mumble out. grabbing a fistful of sohee’s hair, you push him off of you causing him to whine at the loss of contact. looking at him with dark hooded eyes, sohee can’t help but feel his cock twitch in anticipation. using your thumb, you gently caress his bottom lip. lightly parting his lips at your touch, sohee stares up at you waiting for your next move.

placing your hands back on his cheeks, you gently caress his cheeks as you both wordlessly stare at each other. within a blink of an eye you both quickly lean forward and hungrily crash your lips together. with his hands now roaming your body, you quietly moan against your boyfriend’s lips. swiftly moving his hand towards your towel, sohee finally yanks it down, exposing your breasts.

breaking away from you, sohee catches his breath as he eyes your naked body on top of him. bringing a hand to caress your cheek, he places a delicate peck on your lips.

“my pretty girl,” sohee says in complete awe as he moves his attention towards your chest. feeling his mouth water, he wastes no time and places both hands on your chests before giving them a gentle squeeze. whimpering at the feeling, you guide him back to your lips, wanting nothing more but to feel him all over you.

“baby wait-” you say in between kisses but are quickly interrupted by sohee placing his lips on your neck as he continues fondling your chest.

“fuck, sohee,” you mumble out once you feel sohee work his way down to the valley of your breasts and back up to your jaw. using his thumb and index finger, he lightly pinches your nipples causing another soft moan to leave your mouth.

“sohee,” you gasp out, pulling on your boyfriend’s hair as you try and regulate your breathing. whimpering at your actions, sohee swears he’s going to cum in his pants if you keep moaning his name like that.

“mouth, want your mouth,” you breathless gasp out, pushing your boyfriend’s head towards your chest.

“gladly!” sohee excitedly states as he sloppily starts sucking on your breast. he can die here. he so can die here, he thinks. you pulling on his hair while he sucks and plays with your boobs? name a happier ending. his thoughts quickly come to a halt as he lets out a moan at you moving your hips to reposition yourself on his lap.

without thinking twice, sohee brings a hand to push down your hips. you both let out small moans at the sudden pleasure. subconsciously, you immediately begin moving your hips and setting a pace. letting out a broken moan, sohee continues sucking on your breast as he follows your movements. fuck, he’s so close.

“wait, no!” you gasp with realization and push him off of you. bending down, you grab your towel and wrap it around your figure causing sohee to dramatically roll over on your bed.

“no!” sohee yells out, sitting up to offer you his best puppy eyes. “please, just a quickie!”

grabbing your hand, sohee tries placing you back on his lap. “baby please, I swear i’ll be so quick!” he continues to pout at you. “you’re already naked, i won't take long! let me just–” he cuts himself off and starts unbuttoning his vest.

“pretty boy, i have to get ready,” you sadly say, shaking your head at him. groaning, sohee desperately shakes his head at you.

“i’ll be so quick!” your boyfriend desperately pleas, refusing to believe you’re really going to give him blue balls.

“pretty boy-”

“just the tip?” sohee tries, causing you to let out a small giggle.

“pretty boy.” you sternly say, making way towards your vanity desk. following behind you, sohee takes a seat next to you as he continues eyeing your towel.

“can i at least keep sucking your boobs?”

“sohee!” you gasp, dropping your makeup bag at his words.

“here. while you’re doing your makeup! then we both win,” sohee reasons. “you get off while you finish getting ready and i get off as well.”

“do you actually get off to that?” you ask in disbelief.

“pretty girl, your boobs are literally in my mouth and you make pretty sounds,” sohee states, offended by your question. “i get to touch and suck on your boobs and you moan out my name, why wouldn’t that get me off?”

“bonus points if you get so into it and ask me to finger you,” sohee adds, sending you a sheepless smile before leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss on your shoulder.

“what is wrong with you?” you laugh out loud, playfully hitting his chest. “what happened to my shy sohee? the one who would avoid eye contact? the one who’s never kissed anyone before?”

“you made me this way!” sohee giggles out. wrapping his arms around your figure, he leans forward and places a sweet kiss on your cheek. “i’m still your shy loser sohee, i’m just horny,” he quietly admits before placing another kiss on your cheek.

“there’s just something about an educated woman you know?” sohee casually states, causing you to burst out laughing.

looking down at your phone, you read the time before turning to look at sohee. “i mean, finals did get in the way,” you state, placing a hand over his.

“they did,” sohee instantly agrees with you, mentally groaning at the flashbacks of you two having to postpone dates and hangouts due to finals and school work.

“quickie?”

“quickie!” he instantly shouts out with a wide smile on his face. giggling, you climb over to his lap once more.

“thank you, thank you-” sohee says while kissing all over your face. “thank you!” he states one last time before quickly helping you unbutton his shirt. “i need to be inside y-’

“i fucking dare you to finish that sentence sohee,” anton sternly states from the other side of the door. in complete disbelief of what he just accidentally heard, he starts banging at your door.

groaning at your brother’s voice, sohee swears he’s going to cry. whining, he takes a deep breath before bringing some distance between you two. shaking your head at him, you eagerly bring your hands to his pants and begin unbuttoning them. “ignore him,”

“baby i can’t stay hard with his voice in my ear!” sohee pouts out. “he ruined the mood.”

with a swift motion, you take off your towel and throw it on the ground. eyes now on your full and round chest, sohee quickly lifts his hips to help you take off his pants. “matter of fact, yes i can!”

giggling, you eagerly kiss him, while you move your hand to pull on his boxers.

“sohee get the fuck out of there!” groaning, sohee places his head on your shoulder in defeat. “i will not stop banging this door until you get out of there!”

with sad eyes, sohee pats your thighs, signaling you to stand up. pouting at each other, you both move to get dressed.

“i’ll be downstairs,” sohee sadly sighs. turning, he spots a random shirt on your bed and moves to help put it on you. with a pout on your face, you slowly lift up your arms to help your boyfriend get you dressed.

chuckling at your expression, sohee places a soft kiss on your nose before placing one on your pouty lips. “i’m so proud of you baby,” sohee wholeheartedly states.

“i’ll be all the way in the front row shouting my pretty girl’s name,” he admits causing you to let out a small chuckle. “you did it baby! all those restless nights paid off, i’m incredibly proud of you and can’t wait to celebrate with you,” he finishes off, placing another delicate kiss on your lips.

“if i finish getting ready early-” you desperately try while tightly holding his hand.

“don’t even think about it,” anton yells out from the other side of the door. with both you and sohee rolling your eyes at your younger brother, you make your way to your bedroom door to walk him out.

at the sight of anton in front of you two, sohee rolls his eyes once more before purposely bumping into him.

“ow!” anton dramatically rubs his arm as he glares at the shorter boy.

“cockblock,” sohee mumbles before turning to flick his forehead. laughing at anton’s expression, sohee quickly looks back to blow you a kiss before running down the stairs to seek protection from his other friends.

☁︎ — AUGUST 8TH, 2025 12:45 PM

“Y/N LEE” the announcer says through the microphone. with shaky hands, you smile and make your way down the stage. shaking the university’s president’s hand, you briefly pose for the camera.

standing up from his chair, sohee starts cheering while waving the bouquet of flowers he got you up in the air. following his actions, your friends and family also stand up, cheering and clapping along with him causing you to chuckle and wave at them as you walk back to your seat.

“that’s my girlfriend!” sohee proudly yells when the arena simmers down. blushing at his comment, you cover your face with your hands to try and hide your red tinted cheeks. slightly turning to your side, you make eye contact with sohee and offer him a wide smile.

“i love you,” sohee mouths while smiling down at you. with admiration and love written all over his eyes, he continues watching you and only you.

“i love you too,” you quickly mouth back before turning back to watch your classmates walk the stage.

“gross,” anton mumbles with disgust as he watches your interaction with your boyfriend. without a warning, anton feels a hand slap the back of his head. with wide eyes, he turns to his side in complete disbelief.

“behave,” his mom sternly states as she rolls her eyes at her youngest. rubbing the back of his head, anton shakes his head at her comment.

“they’re the ones-”

“anton,” his dad shakes his head at him. rolling his eyes, anton decides to drop it.

“fine,” he responds back while crossing his arms.

smiling at his words, sohee playfully sticks out his tongue at anton but quickly stops when he feels his girlfriend’s and best friend’s dad’s eyes on him.

“sorry,” sohee mumbles out embarrassed, causing your dad to let out a chuckle. shaking his head, he continues silently watching as sohee goes back to focusing on you. he takes notice of sohee’s soft eyes on you. he takes notice of the bright smile that takes over sohee’s features every time you turn to look at him. he takes notice of the love written all over his face. he takes it all in as he faintly smiles and nods his head at the boy.

“treat her right,” your dad whispers out, shifting his focus back at you.

“i always will sir, she’s my everything,” sohee instantly reassures him.

“i trust you,” your dad nods his head once more in acknowledgment. “you know, not now obviously- but in the near future,” he clears his throat, suddenly feeling choked up. “you have my blessing.”

“you mean-”

“yes,” he instantly replies back, offering him a small knowing smile.

wide eyed at his father’s comment, anton turns to sohee and shakes his head at him in complete distress. already knowing what he was going to say, he shuts him eyes and brings his hands up to rub his temples.

“brother in law!” sohee yells out, moving to give his best friend a hug.

“no!” anton responds back causing his group of friends chuckle.

“shotaro,” sohee suddenly turns to his older friend. “start looking up places that sell red velvet wedding cakes,” he jokingly orders. laughing along, shotaro nods his head at him.

“i’m going to choke him,” anton instantly states out loud, moving to place his hands on sohee.

— BONUS —

2 YEARS LATER

☁︎ — NOVEMBER 2ND, 2027 8:56 PM

“i told you!” shotaro states. “i told you and you and you—” he points at his friends with his fork in hand.

“easy!” eunseok cuts him off. “he’s still recovering,” he playfully says while placing an arm around seunghan. “you’re so strong,” eunseok gently rubs seunghan’s chest causing seunghan to laugh and push him off.

“my date is literally in the restroom right now,” seunghan points. nodding their heads at his words, wonbin leans forward and pats his shoulder.

“i’m sure she is,” he whispers out, causing the group of friends to erupt in laughter.

rolling his eyes, seunghan brings both hands up and flicks them all off before grabbing his fork and taking a bite from the red velvet piece of cake sitting in front of him.

“you know,” sungchan speaks up, taking a sip of his glass of wine as he stares at the slideshow of pictures playing on the screen on loop. “sohee is literally staring and smiling at yn instead of the camera in every single picture.”

“i’m talking middle school sohee and present sohee,” he adds while pointing at the screen to prove his point. turning their heads to the screen, they all nod as they see pictures of middle school sohee smiling at you while anton stands between you two.

“what a loser,” wonbin chuckles out.

“he was so delusional,” seunghan playfully says, remembering all of sohee’s tweets throughout college.

“he still is!” anton quickly corrects his older friend.

“is he though?” shotaro asks, squinting as he turns to look at his friend group.

“we’re literally eating red velvet cake at his wedding” shotaro says pointing at their plates. “anton became his best man and eunseok her best m-”

“man of honor,” eunseok interrupts, rolling his eyes at shotaro’s words.

“right, sure! man of honor,” shotaro corrects himself. “we’re all their groomsmen, so clearly he’s not and wasn’t delusional,” he concludes, turning to look at his best friend currently smiling widely and brightly while sitting down next to you, feeding you wedding cake.

“i’ll be right back,” wonbin states, causing shotaro to turn back to look at his friend group with furrowed eyebrows. extending an arm out to stop him, shotaro stares up at him.

“where are you going?”

“gonna go tell yn you want a turn riding sohee’s dick,” wonbin casually states.

spitting out his wine, sungchan erupts in a fit of laughter. as the rest of the table watches as the scene unfolds, they can’t help but also join in on the laughter.

“i don’t like any of you,” shotaro rolls his eyes, bringing a hand up to flick off his friends before shaking his head and letting out a small chuckle.

☁︎ — CLOUD 9

EPILOGUE

summary !! after years of constant pining after his best friend’s sister, yn finally takes notice of sohee and sohee swears he’s on cloud 9. or in other words, loser sohee finally gets the girl.

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CLOUD 9 MASTERLIST

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