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withlovemark · 3 days ago

Text

“drivers license”

pairing: jaehyun x reader | genre: angst | words: 11k+

now listening to -> i got my drivers license last week just like we always talked about.

synopsis -> a whirlwind romance with jung jaehyun.

warnings -> minor car crash, cheating, a break-up, might leave behind emotional damage, jaehyun is a coward, +18, crude language, mention of: frat parties, alcohol, make outs, smut! not descriptive but contains: dry humping, jaehyun cumming in his pants, implied oral (f), implied sex.

an -> i cannot believe the day has come where i finally finished this. it’s so embarrassing to say but this took me five years (2021-2025) and it’s not even the proudest thing i’ve written. every time i opened the google doc for this it was like my brain would forget every word in the dictionary. writers block hitting every god damn time. the reason? this entire series started with a member that is no longer part of nct and the issue around him, at the time, hurt me a lot and took me a while to move on from. but hey! time heals. this is here. it’s done! and i love writing for nct again! have fun reading! with love, c.

͙͘͡★

“hey uhh, it’s me, umm by me i mean its y/n by the way, i-well,” you let out a nervous chuckle, “i know this is weird, like really weird. especially since we’re y’know…broken up and all but uhm i just wanted to tell you that i uh…” your voice wavers, you cough once, clear your throat, then barrel forward, rushing through the words as if that’ll make it hurt less, “...finally got my driver’s license,” you finished clumsily.

silence fills the space for a beat too long.

‘this is stupid. what the hell am i doing,’ you think to yourself, realization slowly creeping in.

“-that’s pretty much it, i just,” you sigh, “wanted to tell you...you probably don’t care but yeah um i hope you’re doing well—”

beep.

the voicemail machine rings in your ear, letting you know that you’ve exceeded the amount of time given. you stare at your phone like it personally betrayed you. then it hits you. full force. your eyes widen, jaw dropping.

‘no, no, NO, no fucking way you just called your ex…you absolute dumbass,’ the inner voice in your head ridicules.

“UGHH!” you swore in the comfort of your car, head slamming against the steering wheel as you punched the air around you. if anyone were to see this scene unfold, they would think you were absolutely, batshit crazy.

god, you wished you were. it would be easier to explain.

but no, this was just a side effect of the broken-hearted.

after a while of just wallowing in your pity, you finally accept the fact that you were pathetic. throwing your phone into your bag, you chose the radio over the aux cord, not wanting to see the little devil machine that caused you your entire pride.

“hi, this is olivia rodrigo and you are now listening to my debut single, drivers license.”

‘olivia who?’ you start driving, wondering who the new artist was that was playing in the station you randomly tuned into.

the song starts and you barely register the lyrics until they start pulling on you. you can't help but feel that she had access to your inner thoughts and wrote this song using your heart and soul and diary.

you sit there, frozen behind the wheel, eyes on the road but barely seeing it. your grip on the steering wheel tightens. each lyric landing like a punch to the gut. images flashing behind your eyes of the one and only — jung jaehyun.

the man of the hour.

your first thought in the morning and the one that haunts you at night. you tried to forget. you tried to let go. but how could you, when he gave you so much to hold on to?

the first meeting.

“ouch!” you yelped, instinctively clutching the top of your head where a basketball had just collided…hard.

you turn around, ready to blow up on the person that obviously sucked at basketball.

in what world was the net your head???

but then your eyes locked with his and just like that, every insult evaporated from your mouth — the school’s number one golden boy. star player. campus crush. walking daydream.

and currently jogging towards you, “sorry,” he smiles sheepishly, ears burning red as he retrieves the basketball that landed a few inches away from you.

you blinked once, twice, “uhh, its um… its okay,” you managed to stammer, scrambling to pick up the pieces of your pride that had scattered alongside the ball.

you never really cared for social norms or popularity or any of that status quo bullshit. social ladders were just invisible ropes to nowhere in your mind. but you still knew that jaehyun was way up there, all shining spotlight and untouchable perfection, while you… weren’t even on the pyramid.

and yet, here he was. looking at you.

‘why is he still looking at me?’

before you could think further, jaehyun stepped a little closer, his brows pulling together in concern. and then, as if time itself slowed down, he reached out and cupped the side of your head, your brain short-circuiting.

‘no way. no way jung jaehyun is touching my face right now. this isn’t real. i’m dreaming. i’ve fallen unconscious from the ball and i am hallucinating.’

you felt the weight of a dozen eyes on you, murmurs, a couple of gasps. even his teammates had paused to see what their mvp was doing hovering over some nobody with the gentleness of a disney prince.

your panic response kicked in – you slapped his hand away, wanting to get rid of the attention that was suddenly on you though this action did the exact opposite, everyone now curious as to who you are.

“wh-what are you doing?” you demanded, voice way too high-pitched to be threatening. every curious eye zooming in on you like vultures to a fresh kill. everyone thinking the same thing: who were you to slap the golden boy’s hand?

jaehyun blinked at your reaction, then rubbed the back of his neck, completely unbothered by your swat, “i was just checking to see if you were hurt,” he said casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world to cradle strangers’ heads in public.

“oh uh it's fine!, it doesn’t hurt at all!! no bumps here,” you chirped, hands going straight to your head, an awkward chuckle escaping your lips as he eyes you suspiciously, not quite convinced with your statement.

“see!” you continue, pointing at the top of your head as you bow, earning a laugh from the boy in front of you. you can’t help but look back at him, his deep laughter ringing in your ears. you notice the way his dimples came out to play.

“okay, if you say so,” jaehyun said, eyes twinkling with amusement. “but a little tip…”

“huh?” you were still trying to recover from the dimple attack.

“you probably shouldn’t stand right behind a basketball hoop. especially when people are playing,” he teased, his grin widening like he knew exactly what he was doing to your poor nervous system.

your face burned, “right,” you muttered, wishing the earth would open and swallow you whole.

then he winked. actually winked. before he turned around, casually spinning the ball in his hand as he jogged back to his teammates while you watched him go, still frozen in place, still trying to compute what the hell just happened.

the first car ride.

the rain poured mercilessly, cold needles stabbing through your clothes as you power-walked down the sidewalk, your backpack clumsily perched atop your head in a hopeless attempt to shield yourself.

just your luck. the one day you forgot your umbrella was the day mother nature decided to go full on melodrama.

through the wall of rain, a car pulled up beside you, the hum of the engine barely audible over the storm. then a voice called out, “hey! do you need a ride!?”

you try to peek at the person inside, droplets of rain making your eyes flicker yet you see him in all his glory. you stared for a second too long, internally questioning every life decision that led to this exact moment.

‘now why in the world is he offering me a ride’

you hesitated. the rain was unrelenting, soaking through your hoodie and numbing your fingers, but getting into a car with someone you barely knew, even if he was the school’s walking dream, was a gamble.

sure, he might be the most popular guy in school but the only thing you knew about him was his name and his basketball jersey number, which was 14 by the way.

“you’re not going to kidnap me and then murder me to sell my organs on the black market, right!?” you ask, questioning his motives.

“huh??” the boy yells back.

‘i said!!...” you state your previous statement for the second time, battling with the sound of the loud rain hitting the pavement.

jaehyun blinked. and then…he laughed. a real, full laugh that melted a little of your anxiety.

“well, that’s for you to decide!” he shot back, boyish and harmless, dimples threatening to make you forget all your common sense.

it seems as if the rain won't stop any time soon. so you weigh out your options. possibly die in a handsome stranger's car or walk home and also possibly die in the cold rain? which one sounds like a more peaceful way to go?

fuck it.

you yanked open the door and slid into the passenger seat, shivering as the heater hit your skin like a hug from the sun. the door shut, sealing you in with warmth and the faint smell of clean laundry and something citrusy. you knew right then that you made the correct choice.

jaehyun quickly grabs his backpack from the backseat, taking out a grey hoodie. “here, you should change before you get sick,” he offers.

you raised an eyebrow, trying to play it cool, “you know if you wanted to see me naked, you could’ve just asked,” you teased, your playful nature coming out to mask the awkwardness that is you sitting on the passenger's seat of the school’s pride.

he let out a mock grunt, rolling his eyes with a smile as he turned to look out the rain-covered window, “shut up.”

“don’t peek, okay!” you chuckled, noticing the way his ears had turned to a slight shade of pink.

briskly changing into the hoodie that was way too big for you, you turn to the boy at the driver’s seat who’s still keeping himself busy, probably betting which raindrop racing to roll down his car window would win.

“i’m done,” you finally said after admiring him. he turns to you, giving you a soft smile, “the hoodie suits you.”

“thanks for letting me borrow it,” you grinned, matching his reflection.

“i’m jaehyun by the way,” he introduced himself, reaching out his hand.

“i know,” you say casually, realizing how weird it sounded as soon as the words left your lips, “i-i mean! everyone knows the basketball teams mvp!,” you reason as jaehyun nods, completely understanding what you meant.

“uh, im y/n,” you finally say, completing the handshake.

“nice to meet you, y/n,” jaehyun says as he looks at you quizzically.

“what? do i have something on my face??” you gasp, feeling your face for any unwanted substance, your action reminding jaehyun of the person he accidentally threw a basketball at a couple weeks ago.

he smiles after putting two in two together, realizing that you were that same person.

it was a fond memory for him, usually people would worship the ground he walked on but you…you slapped him away. a different reaction from the ones he was used to. ever since that day he hoped to run into you again.

“why are you smiling like that? oh god, is this the part where you admit to killing me??” you gushed, earning a laugh from him.

“are you sure that ball didn’t damage the inside of your brain?” he joked as you sat there registering his words.

“wait..you remember that?” you ask, genuinely confused as to why he would even remember you with all the people that surround him day by day.

“it’s not everyday i hit someone with my ball,” he smirks and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole because that memory is definitely in your top 10 most embarrassing moments and he remembers it.

“to answer your question, no... the ball did not hurt me, i just watch a lot of true crime,” you admit. jaehyun chuckles and you can’t help but join, feeling more at ease with being in his presence.

“and you think i’m really a killer?,” he quips a brow, an amused expression on his features.

‘yeah, your looks are killer’

“with a face like this?” he joked, striking a ridiculous pose, chin tilted up dramatically.

‘exactly’

you let out a giggle, “first of all, don’t ever make that face again, second, it’s always the ones you don’t expect,” you say, talking like a detective. he burst into laughter again, his eyes crinkling, and you realized then and there…you really liked the sound of his laugh. it was easy. real. addicting.

“so y/n… where do i drop you off?” jaehyun shoots you a smile.

“why? so you can know where i live and kill me in the comfort of my own home?” you continue joking around with him.

“you’re unbelievable.” he chuckles as you start directing the way to your apartment.

and as he drove through the rain, one hand on the wheel and the other occasionally tapping the rhythm of the music playing faintly in the background, you looked out the window, only to catch your reflection in the glass, wearing his hoodie, laughing in his car.

you didn’t know it then, but this was the moment everything quietly began.

the proposal.

“remind me again why you’re in college and still don’t have your driver’s license?” the boy asks you.

you looked up from your coffee, eyes narrowing at jaehyun as he sat across from you, chin propped up on one hand, a teasing smile tugging at his lips. the two of you are seated in the campus’ cafe which has quickly become your usual meet up spot. it was halfway between the music room and the laboratories – a perfect place for a medical major and a music major to meet up.

“i don’t need it,” you shrugged, casually stirring your drink with the little wooden stick they gave you, “everything’s within walking distance anyway. and if it’s not, the bus exists.”

he leaned back in his chair, eyebrows lifting in a slow, dramatic arc, “you do realize that you’d save so much more time and money if you had a car, right?”

you sighed, already seeing where this was going. this wasn’t the first time jaehyun had tried to convince you to get behind the wheel, “yeah, but I don’t need it right now,” you shrug.

he shook his head with an exasperated little grin, then set his drink down with a thud and pointed at you, “okay, okay, just imagine this.”

here it comes.

“you finally graduate, top of your class, of course, and you’ve landed the job of your dreams. everyone’s calling you doctor y/n. life is good,” he leaned forward, voice dropping to a mock-serious whisper, “and yet…you still don’t have your own car? that’s kind of lame.”

you let out a dramatic gasp, grabbing your paper straw wrapper and tossing it at him, “first of all, rude. second of all, i will obviously have my license by then!”

“exactly!” he claps, “soooo, wouldn’t it be better if you start practicing now,” he says smirking, knowing that he won this debate.

you crossed your arms, pretending to scowl, “okay, so what do you want me to do about it?”

jaehyun leaned back, acting as though he were pondering the mysteries of the universe before saying, with complete nonchalance, “let me teach you.”

your brow rose immediately, suspicious, “and what do you want in return?”

he sipped his coffee, his expression unreadable, then he smiled, “nothing, i just want more time with you,”

“with me??” you ask in disbelief.

the boy shrugs his shoulders, “yeah, i like hanging out with you.”

your heart thudded, your breath caught in your throat before you quickly masked it with a sip of your drink.

after a few seconds of silence, which jaehyun could argue felt like forever, you finally agreed, “so, what’s the first lesson?”

he lit up, clearly proud of himself, “hmm, how about you just let me drop you off everyday?”

well, now that just did not make sense to you.

you tilted your head, trying to make sense of the logic or lack thereof, “how does that help me learn? that’s literally just you driving me around.”

“visual learning first before i let you behind the wheel,” he responds, “my car is still my baby you know,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and you laugh at the words that slipped by his lips.

and maybe it was stupid. maybe letting jaehyun drive you everywhere was unnecessary. but the way he looked at you, like this tiny, mundane thing mattered just because you mattered, was more than enough for you to agree.

the first lesson.

“brake y/n, step on the brake. brake! brake!! brake!!!,” jaehyun chants like it was a mantra, sending you into panic mode as your brain suddenly couldn’t differentiate which pedal is which.

you shut your eyes instinctively, ready to come into collision with the brick wall that just kept coming closer and closer until the car came to a sudden stop.

for a moment, all you could hear was the hum of the engine and the wild pounding of your heart. your body leaned forward slightly, but something kept your head from slamming into the steering wheel. blinking rapidly, you looked up and saw jaehyun’s arm. his hand had shot out across your seat, pressed firmly against your forehead. his jaw was tight, his breath shallow, but his grip on you had been steady, sure.

“you okay?” he asked after a beat, his voice low and strained.

you took a second to gather yourself before nodding slowly. “yeah, yeah, i think i’m alive.”

jaehyun exhaled and finally pulled his arm back.

“how’d you stop the car, are you like superman or something?” you finally say, breaking the tension in the air.

jaehyun laughs, finally pulling his hand back as he gets cozy in his seat once again, ��there’s something called a handbrake, y/n,” he grinned, pointing at the gadget sitting in between the two of you as you let out a silent, “oh.”

the moment dissolved into quiet as you slumped against the seat, defeated, “i told you that driving would be a bad idea!”

jaehyun rolled his eyes but his brows pulled together slightly, and you knew he wasn’t just brushing it off, “y/n… you need to learn how to drive. it’s a basic life skill.”

for the past month, jaehyun has been teaching you how to drive and this past month the only thing you truly learned was that jaehyun was an old soul. apart from basketball, he loved collecting vintage things, loved photography, music, wine, cooking, troy bolton, and you couldn’t help but want to learn more.

“ughhh yeah, yeah i know, you say that all the time,” you replied, glancing at him, “please don’t be mad.”

his expression softened instantly as he turned toward you, “i’m not mad,” he said, ruffling your hair with his usual affection, “just mildly terrified.”

you giggled as he reached for his seatbelt and unbuckled with a sigh. that was your cue. you could finally breathe again as you both clambered out and swapped seats.

the familiar thump of the driver’s side door shutting felt like a reset button, and suddenly the energy between you felt light again, comfortable. you let yourself get cozy in the passenger seat, your favorite seat, as you throw jaehyun your best mischievous grin.

he didn’t look at you. just calmly reached for the gear, put the car in reverse, and smoothly began backing up. one hand rested on the back of your seat, his body turning effortlessly as he scanned the rearview, jawline sharp in profile, lashes thick against the sunlit windshield, his long fingers flexed against the headrest near your shoulder.

you stared unabashedly, “that was so hot. do it again,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood.

jaehyun paused, casting you a sideways glare, “shut up, i’m driving” he muttered, but the corners of his lips betrayed him, the start of a smile curling upward.

you turned toward the window, hiding the smile blooming on your face. outside, the world passed in soft blurs of sunlight and trees, but inside the car, everything felt still, like something fragile and new had quietly taken root between you.

the first time.

“why don’t you ever deny it?”

your voice is soft, almost lost beneath the hum of the night and the low music playing from jaehyun’s car speakers. the two of you sit in the back of his car, the trunk popped open to reveal the night sky. a shared blanket pools around your waists, open snack bags scattered between your legs, the half-empty bottles of beer glinting faintly under the stars.

“deny what?” jaehyun asks, turning towards you, a bag of chips in hand.

you glance away, suddenly shy, “the other day… when johnny told you to bring your girlfriend to the party, and he meant me, you didn’t correct him.”

the scene has been bothering you for quite some time now. sure, you and jaehyun have been spending a lot of time together and you could understand how from an outside perspective, people could think you were dating.

but you weren’t, you were simply just friends.

jaehyun takes a swig of his alcoholic beverage, hesitating to respond, “d-do you not want to be?”

you blink, “wait, what?”

jaehyun chuckles, relieved that he could blame the alcohol for the blush that was forming on his face. he rests his head against the car’s frame, “you know, for someone who can memorize entire anatomy textbooks, you can be really clueless sometimes.”

you scowl at him, ready to shoot back something sarcastic, until he looks at you.

“i like you, y/n.”

the words land heavy and warm in the middle of your chest.

“y-you like me?” you echo, unsure whether to believe it or hold it at arm’s length.

“yeah,” he smiles, but there’s something vulnerable in it, “i like you.”

there’s a beat of silence, like the universe is holding its breath.

“…since when?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper.

“since the day i first met you,” he confesses, turning away and looking up at the stars.

you turn to him, noticing the grin that was displayed on his face and the blush painting his ears and you couldn’t help yourself, it was like your body had a mind of its own and you were no longer in control.

you feel your hands instinctively rise to his face, gently guiding his head to face you. jaehyun watches your every move, almost mesmerized, eyes flickering down to your lips.

your fingers ghost across his cheek, then brush against his lips and that was all the permission he needed.

he leans in slowly, hand cupping your cheek with such care it makes your chest ache. his lips meet yours, soft, cautious, like he’s been waiting forever. you respond instantly, melting into him, letting the kiss deepen, pulling you both under.

the more you kissed him, the more addictive he got.

he tastes like beer and vanilla chapstick. one kiss turns to two. two turns to something needier, hands exploring, hearts thudding. you wanted more. your hands found themselves slightly pulling at the boy's hair as jaehyun changed the position, throwing you over him so that you could straddle him, knees tucked beside his thighs.

forgetting that you guys were still in the comfort of his car, your head makes contact with the roof, breaking off the kiss, “ow,” you whined, hand going straight to your head, making you and jaehyun burst into laughter, breathless and giddy.

“i really gotta stop accidentally injuring you,” he grins, rubbing the spot on your head with sympathy, before bringing his lips up to soothe the pain with kisses.

“i think your car’s trying to keep us in check,” you smile, soft giggles slipping from your lips.

“or it’s warning me before I lose control,” he says, his lips trailing kisses down your jaw.

you meet his gaze, your voice dropping, “what if i want you to lose control?”

you were challenging him and he’s definitely up for it. jaehyun swallows hard, eyes darkening with something deeper than mischief. he doesn’t say a word, just closes the trunk with one smooth motion and takes your hand, guiding you into the backseat with quiet urgency.

this time you straddle him with ease, his lips immediately on yours as his hand wanders all throughout your body. he licks your bottom lip and you give in, parting your lips open to meet his tongue, feeling him smile through the kiss.

“you’re dangerous,” he murmurs, “you really have no idea what you do to me.”

you breathe against his neck, one hand splaying across his chest to feel the rapid beat of his heart, “i think i do.”

rough hands guide your body down until you’re fully sat upon his hard cock, emphasizing the way he needs you. you rock into him once and he cant help but release a groan of pleasure, “my cock is throbbing for you, baby,” the pet name sends your mind into a haze, rocking into him again and again until you’ve set a pace that mixed your moans with his.

“baby, im gonna cum in my pants,” he grunts, turning you on even more.

“you like me that much, huh?,” you tease, not losing your rhythm, and all he could do was grunt in reply as he lost control, releasing evidence on his sweatpants.

you giggle at the effect you had on him, snapping him out of his daze, “what’s so funny, pretty girl?”

“i haven't even touched you yet,” you tease.

“can you blame me?, i've been thinking about this ever since you got undressed in my car,” he confesses and your eyes almost bulge out of the sockets.

“yeah? what else did you think about?,” you taunt him.

“i’ll show you,” he says before gently placing you down his car seat, as he helps you out of your jeans.

the space is small. the car is cramped. but nothing was going to stop him from fitting his large frame in between your legs.

he places a kiss above your panties. your hips immediately react to his actions. he smirks, “you like me this much, huh?” he teases you with your own words.

“jaehyun, please do something,” you whine.

jaehyun pushes your panties to the side, finally giving you what you both wanted.

the first i love you.

“come on, just trust me,” jaehyun whispers in your ear, the warmth of his breath grazing your skin and sending butterflies fluttering wildly in your stomach. his voice is low, teasing, calm in a way that only makes you more curious. and more flustered.

“jae, how long are we going to have to drive for?” you whine again, blindfolded with a handkerchief that still smells like his cologne.

“we’re almost there,” he replies, chuckling at your lack of patience.

“ugh finee,” you sigh, slouching in your chair until the car comes to a stop.

“are we he—?,” before you can finish, his lips press against yours in a kiss that completely pushed out all of your thoughts. you freeze in place, lips softening as you instinctively lean into it, feeling the smile tugging at his mouth before he pulls away.

“that’s how much you wanted me to shut up huh?” you smirk.

“nah,” jaehyun chuckles, shifting gears with a casual ease. you can hear the grin in his voice.

“then what was that for?” you ask, your eyebrows furrowing and jaehyun can’t help but chuckle at your expression.

“i just wanted to kiss my girlfriend at a red light, is that a crime?” he teases.

you can’t help the grin that stretches across your face, “nope,” you murmur, “feel free to do it again, whenever.”

this past week of being jaehyun’s official girlfriend has been a dream. you’re not sure how long honeymoon avenue lasts but you did know that you wanted to keep driving down this road as long as jaehyun’s the one sitting in the driver's seat.

the car slows to a stop, and you perk up, “are we he—?”

your question gets cut off by another kiss, this one slower, more lingering, like he just wanted one more moment of you before the surprise.

“you really like interrupting me today,” you whisper, dazed.

“only when I can’t help myself.”

moments later, he’s helping you out of the car, one hand around your back, the other gently clasping yours. you feel the crunch of gravel beneath your feet, the subtle shift in wind telling you that you’re somewhere open, peaceful.

and then he let’s go

“jaehyun?” you ask, the loss of contact making you nervous.

“im here,” he whispers right by your ear, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine.

“are you ready?” he asks. you nod before he carefully unties the handkerchief, finally allowing you to take in the beautiful view right in front of you.

“oh my god,” you awe in admiration, “did you set this all up yourself?”

in front of you lays a yellow checkered picnic blanket, filled with a bunch of your favorite snacks, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and his guitar seated perfectly on the side. the sky is blue, the birds are chirping, and jaehyun is standing right next to you. you could've sworn you were transported into a fairytale book.

jaehyun rubs the back of his neck, cheeks already pink, “yeah, i know how busy you are and i just wanted you to take a moment to unwind,” he admits, as you turn around facing him, noticing his ears turning that shade of red that you grew to love.

love.

it’s a strong word. but there’s no doubt in your mind that it’s the reason for the butterflies in your stomach. your heart swells so fast it feels like it might burst. you reach for his hand and twine your fingers through his, “you’re unreal, you know that?”

you lean in, brushing your lips against his in a soft, grateful kiss. he responds just as gently, thumb grazing your cheek like he’s memorizing how you feel in his arms.

the world around you seems to fade. no ticking clocks, no deadlines, no chaos. just you, him, and the way time stands still when your lips meet.

when you finally break apart, he smiles at you like he’s the luckiest boy alive, “come on, sit. i’ve got one more surprise.”

“oh god. what could top this?,” you smile.

he settles onto the blanket, pulls his guitar into his lap, and glances at you nervously, “i uh… wrote you a song.”

your eyes widen, “you what?”

“i wrote you a song,” he says more confidently this time, grabbing his guitar. you can literally feel your heart thumping out of your chest like they do in those cartoon shows and you wonder if he can hear how loudly it’s beating.

and then he sings.

the words are sweet. honest. every line is a little window into his heart, filled with shy glances, secret hopes, and the quiet moments he never had the courage to tell you about until now.

as soon as he plucked the last chord, there were only three words that could slip past your lips.

“i love you.”

it slips out before you can second-guess it. and for a split second, your heart stops. maybe it’s too soon. maybe you’ve ruined something.

but then jaehyun’s entire face lights up, eyes crinkling, dimple forming, grin stretching from ear to ear.

“i love you too,” he says, like he’s been holding it in for far too long.

you don’t even let him finish before you’re leaning in, pulling him into a kiss that says everything your words can’t.

seven months in heaven.

heaven. that’s what it felt like to be consumed by jung jaehyun. the kind of love that didn’t creep in slowly but crashed over you like a wave, sudden, wild and all-consuming.

month one. you were like two peas in a pod, stuck together at the hip. everywhere you went, he was there. almost like gravity had shifted and you couldn’t help but orbit each other. the whole campus watched the two of you. some in envy, some in awe. but none of it mattered because in your world, it was just you and him.

you clung to him like a koala, constantly reaching for him — his hand, his hoodie, his attention. and he absolutely adored every second of it. adored you.

he picked you up after every class, waiting at the door like he belonged there. he drove you home with one hand on the wheel, the other in yours. played your favorite songs, and teased you when you tried to sing along off-key.

most nights, he stayed over. his skin wrapped around yours like a second layer of warmth. and when he didn’t, you’d fall asleep in one of his shirts, phone resting on your chest after hours of late-night calls. his voice the last thing you heard before drifting off.

month two. you stopped saying me and started saying we.

there was a toothbrush for him, right next to yours, in your apartment. and a matching one in his dorm. you had a growing collection of his hoodies in your closet. he pretended not to notice but his smile gave him away every time you wore one.

you know all of his schedules and he memorized yours without trying. you’ve cancelled plans just to stay in, legs tangled on the couch, sharing dreams like secrets under warm blankets and future plans whispered between kisses.

it started to feel like a forever kind of thing.

month three. you were still coasting down honeymoon avenue, but now it came with the deeper things.

late night vulnerability, childhood stories, the fears he never told anyone else, the ones you didn’t even know you could speak aloud.

you shared each other’s pressure. shared each other’s troubles. you were there when things got too much, becoming his personal safe haven and you, his.

when the world was too loud, too cruel, too overwhelming – you had each other. that was all you both needed.

month four. i love you wasn’t just something you said. it lived in your actions. it was jaehyun massaging your hands after a long day. you memorizing his coffee order down to the way he liked the foam. the way he always buckled your seatbelt for you. the way you always brought him his favorite coffee order.

his car playlists was filled with songs you love. there are pieces of you in the compartment box, a lipgloss, a scrunchie, a tiny pouch filled with your basic essentials.

your fridge was filled with his favorite snacks, his favorite beer. love letters on sticky notes he would left behind tuck in between the magnets.

and on quiet nights, you fell asleep on his lap as he traced your face with his fingertips like he was trying to memorize you forever. he looked at you like you were a poem he never wanted to stop reading.

and one night he whispered in your ear, “it’s you and me forever, baby.”

and you believed him.

month five. things got a little quieter. not in a bad way. just…settled.

less adrenaline and more comfort. routine settled in but you liked it.you liked knowing he’d be there. you liked how he could tell when you were anxious just by your breathing.

he’d squeeze your thigh gently under the table during group dinners just to comfort you.

you’d look at him and feel like you were home. he was home.

month six. fights began, but they were soft.

little misunderstandings. jealousy here and there. moments where your insecurities brushed up against his.

but every argument ended the same way. his forehead against yours, apologies and i love you’s slipping out between sighs. he’d kiss your temple like he was sealing a wound and you’d forgive him. of course you would.

and besides, his red flags weren’t red. they were beige. soft, muted, easy to overlook in the warmth of everything else.

month seven. you got busy. he got anxious. texts were left on read a little longer. calls ended faster.

but when you were together, it still felt like heaven. his touch still sets you alight. your laugh still made him smile like it was the first time he’d heard it.

he’d still looked at you like you were everything.

and that was enough. wasn’t it?

the first real crack.

“babe, i think we’re lost,” you say, your voice gentle but laced with nervous laughter, trying to keep the mood light.

your eyes flick toward jaehyun, who’s gripping the steering wheel tighter than before, taking yet another left at a stop sign that looks hauntingly familiar.

the sun was already beginning to set, washing the sky with orange and purple hues, but instead of basking in its beauty, the two of you were trapped in an unfamiliar neighborhood, google maps stubbornly rerouting with every turn.

you peek at him from the passenger seat, watching the way his jaw tightens.

“would it kill you to give the right directions for once?” he mutters, not even looking at you.

the sentence lands heavier than it should. it isn’t just about directions. you know that. and maybe he does too.

your smile fades as you blink at him. “sorry…i thought i was.”

he exhales through his nose, knuckles tightening on the steering wheel. “you always think you’re right, even when you’re not.”

and there it is. not a yell. not a fight. but something colder. detached. dismissive.

it’s the way he says always like it’s not just this moment but a flaw in your character. something he’s been cataloging along the way.

it’s silent. the kind of silence that doesn’t feel peaceful. the kind that buzzes in your ears and makes your chest feel too tight. you look out the window, trying to calm your breathing, trying not to let the sting behind your eyes turn into tears.

you’ve had fights, sure. arguments over little things, forgotten plans, mixed signals, late replies. but he’s never spoken to you like that before. never made you feel small.

you’ve seen jaehyun tired. you’ve seen him frustrated. but not like this. not with this edge. and for the first time since the two of you got together, you realize that love doesn’t shield you from moments like these. that even someone who sings you songs and holds you gently through the night can sound distant and cold.

eventually, he pulls over and cuts the engine. the car humming in the silence.

“baby,” he calls out, softer now, quieter. you don’t answer. just stare out the window.

he leans back against the headrest, rubbing his hands over his face, “i didn’t mean that,” he murmurs, voice heavy with regret.

still, you don’t respond. because maybe he didn’t mean it but he still said it and part of you wonders what else he’s thought and never voiced.

he sighs, “i’m sorry...i just, i’ve had a long week, and i wanted today to go perfectly and now we’re lost and running late and…” he trails off, frustration melting into guilt.

“you snapped at me,” you say finally, still not looking at him, “and i didn’t deserve that.”

“no, you didn’t,” he agrees. “i was out of line.”

you finally turn to face him and he looks… regretful. like he wants to rewind time. like he’s already punishing himself.

“i love you,” he adds, almost like a plea.

you nod slowly, your voice quiet. “i love you too, but don’t talk to me like that again.”

“i won’t,” he promises.

and you believe him. you always do.

but something unspoken lingers in the car after that. a sliver of tension that stays with you. because no matter how many i love you’s follow, you don’t forget the first time someone makes you feel like you’re too much.

jaehyun reaches across the console and gently takes your hand. you let him. and the car keeps driving, this time in silence, but with your fingers laced together like a quiet truce.

it’s the first real crack.

but sometimes, the cracks let everything else in.

the blonde.

frat parties were never your scene. sticky floors, booming bass, red solo cups, and bodies pressed too close together, it all felt too loud, too overwhelming. you haven’t been in one in a while but since your boyfriend was one of the frat’s favorite golden boys and the fact he practically begged you to come to the one tonight, here you were, weaving your way through the crowd in one of his oversized hoodies, searching for the only reason you even showed up.

you spot him before he sees you, standing dead center in the living room, drink in hand, laughing at something the girl in front of him said. giving her the dimpled smile you thought was only reserved for you.

she’s tall. blonde. pretty, in that effortless, dangerous way. the kind of girl you never learned how to be.

and her hand is on his arm. too familiar. too comfortable. she laughs again, tilting her head back, fingers tracing his bicep like it belongs to her. like she’s done it before. like she knows he won’t stop her.

he doesn’t flinch. doesn’t pull away. just smiles, lazy and amused as she leans in closer, lips brushing his ear as she whispers something that makes him laugh again.

your stomach churns.

it’s irrational, maybe. but also, maybe it’s not. maybe it’s the way her hand lingers too long. or the way he leans in like he doesn't even notice. or maybe it’s the way it makes you feel invisible in a room where you were supposed to be his favorite person.

then he sees you. his eyes meet yours through the crowd. locking for just a second. and something in his expression falters, like he didn’t expect to see you. like he forgot you’d be here.

and suddenly, you’re the one who looks away. like you’re the intruder. like you’re the one who was doing something wrong.

moments later, his arms snake around your waist from behind, “hey baby,” jaehyun murmurs in your ear, voice low and thick with alcohol, “you came.”

his breath is warm against your skin as he presses wet, messy kisses along your jaw and down your neck. he smells like whiskey and whatever cheap cologne she was probably wearing. his grip tightens like he’s afraid you’ll slip away but your body stays stiff in his hold.

you twist slightly to face him, placing a hand on his chest, a quiet boundary.

“who was that?” you ask, trying to sound casual, light, but the slight edge in your voice betrays you.

“hmm?” he hums, lips still trailing your skin.

“the girl. the one you were talking to.”

he pulls back just enough to meet your eyes. his gaze is hazy, but amused, he knows you too well. “have i ever told you how cute you are when you’re jealous?,” he teases, sucking that soft spot right below your ear.

you push him back. gentle but firm. your expression is blank. he notices.

“she’s just an old friend,” he adds casually, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear like that makes it all better, “don’t worry about it.”

and maybe that should be enough.

but something about the way he says it, the way he smiles, too easy, too quick to disregard your feelings. it all leaves a strange, sour taste in your mouth.

still, you don’t push it. not here. not in front of the crowd. not when he’s swaying slightly on his feet and leaning all his weight into you like you’re his safe place. like he doesn’t even realize how tightly your jaw is clenched.

later, in his room, it’s just the two of you with the door closed and the world outside muffled. he’s quieter now. less drunk. but his hands are still greedy. still tracing the places he’s always claimed a map he knows by heart. his hands finding their way beneath your shirt, along your thighs, between your legs.

you don’t stop him. because it’s easier to fall into him than to fight the pit in your stomach. easier to let yourself believe his mouth on your neck means i choose you. easier to kiss him back, let your clothes fall, let your bodies tangle in the dark. let yourself believe this means he’s still yours. all yours.

the sex is slow, tender, familiar. all mouths and murmurs and fingers threading through hair. he whispers your name like a prayer, like it’s the only thing anchoring him to the moment. he moves inside you like you’re the only thing tethering him to this moment. like if he touches you hard enough, long enough, all the cracks will seal shut again. and for a while, you forget. you forget the party. the blonde. the ache in your chest.

you just feel him.

“i love you,” he breathes. you say it back.

but when it’s over, when you’re curled against his chest, his fingers lazily tracing circles on your back, your eyes stay open in the dark.

his body is warm. his arms are wrapped around you. but something still feels different. something feels off.

like the air’s a little heavier. the silence is a little louder. your mind is miles away. still watching her laugh. still wondering why he didn’t move away.

you don’t ask. you don’t cry. you don’t accuse. you just lie there in the silence. and he doesn’t notice. or maybe he does but he doesn’t ask.

and that’s the part that stings the most. because love is still there. but the trust?

that might be the thing slipping quietly through the cracks.

the surprise.

it had been a brutal couple of weeks. your schedule had been merciless consisting of clinicals, overflowing textbooks, late-night study groups and back-to-back lectures. you barely had time to breathe. let alone see your boyfriend.

but you missed him. god, you missed him.

so today, on your first free day in weeks, you chose him. you skipped the library. you shut your laptop. you pushed aside your exhaustion and made time.

you spent the day learning how to make his favorite dish, the one he said tasted like home, the one he said he missed. you got the ingredients, followed the recipe, burnt it once, then tried again. the kitchen was a mess but your heart was full. you wanted it to be perfect.

you were nervous but excited. the kind of excitement that makes your fingers tingle and your heart race a little faster.

you hadn’t told him you were coming, you wanted to surprise him, make up for the time you’d been gone.

as you approached his dorm, your nerves bubbled up again. you balanced the container in your hands, smoothing your hair and checking your phone. no texts. even better. he had no idea that you were coming.

you knock once. no answer. you try the knob. it’s locked. you pulled out a duplicate of his key, the one he had made for you. hear the door click open.

and you step inside with a soft smile already forming, “jae?”

but his name dies in your throat. the smile doesn’t last. because there, tangled in his sheets, is jaehyun. half naked. sleepy-eyed. and she’s with him. the blonde.

your whole body stills, breath vanishing, fingers going numb, the container slipping from your hands and hitting the floor with a hearbreaking thud. you think you hear the lid crack open, food spilling out but you can’t look away from the bed.

from her. her mascara smudged, hair a mess, lips swollen.

jaehyun’s eyes follow hers, dazed, then panicked the second he sees you, “y/n.”

just your name. not baby.

“i—this—,” he stumbles over his words, sheet pooling at his waist as he sits up, guilt written across his face.

you don’t want to hear it. not the excuses. not the explanations. all you can see is the truth laid bare in front of you. her in his shirt, him in her arms, your world unraveling at your feet along with the meal you made just for him.

“this was supposed to be a surprise,” you whisper, your voice trembling, quiet and broken, like if you spoke any louder, you’d shatter completely.

“it’s not what it looks like!,” he pleads, getting up, grabbing his jeans like it would fix anything.

but it is what it looks like. it’s exactly what it looks like.

and it breaks you.

you blink once, twice, the tears blur the room but you don’t let them fall. not yet. “i really… really tried to make this work,” you say, your voice cracking, “i gave you everything i could and you—” you choke back the tears burning at the back of your throat, “you gave it to her.”

jaehyun looks like he’s about to break, but you don’t let him speak. you can’t. because you knew that if you stay any longer, if you let him reach you, touch you, beg you…you’d forgive him. you’d fold. you’d believe in him again. and he doesn’t deserve that.

so you turn. and you leave. you don’t look back. not even when he calls your name. not even when he runs after you, barefoot in the hall.

you don’t stop.

life without him.

the first week, you didn’t talk much. your voice felt foreign in your own throat. your phone buzzed more than usual. sometimes you wished his name would pop up but it never did. the only ones who cared enough were your friends. the ones who kept asking if you were okay. the ones who were quick to offer wine nights, sleepovers, distractions.

you appreciated it. but the truth was you weren’t okay. far from it. and the distractions never worked. but the silence always returned. every night. and maybe the absence was worse than the betrayal.

because every hallway you walked through had a memory of him. your brain betrayed you by replaying flashes of his smile. his hoodies still filled up half of your closet. his toothbrush was still next to yours. but he was no longer there.

the second week, you cried more. everything reminded you of him. the cars driving by, the campus cafe you both used to meet at where you once spent entire afternoons doing nothing but sharing fries and laughter, the songs that played.

worse than missing him was knowing that you weren’t allowed to anymore. not after what he did.

because the boy you missed, the one who kissed you at red lights, the one who wrote you a song. that boy chose someone else. with the same hands that used to only reach for you.

you try to explain it to your friends over dinner one night, but they don’t get it. they mean well. but they didn’t know him the way you did.

they didn’t see the version of jaehyun who whispered dreams into your ear at 3 a.m. who played you lullabies on his guitar when you couldn’t sleep. who kissed your knuckles before every exam and told you he believed in you. who made playlists just for long drives. who taught you how to parallel park without ever raising his voice.

so when they say things like “you’re better off” or “he didn’t deserve you anyway,” it doesn’t help.

it only makes you feel worse. because even if he doesn’t deserve you, you still want him. you still ache for him in every quiet moment.

and no one could unteach your heart what it already knew.

the third week, you almost called him. just once. your finger hovers over his name in your phone. but you don’t press it. because what would you even say? why wasn’t i enough? was she better? do you miss me? do you still love me?

no. you couldn’t do that to yourself no matter how badly you wanted answers.

you tried to return the pieces of him that haunts your space. walked all the way to his dorm, box in hand. but when you got to the door, the weight of it hit you so hard you turned right around and left. instead, you shoved everything under your bed. hoodie, pictures, all of the gifts he gave you throughout your relationship.

and you don’t call. you cry into your pillow instead.

the fourth week, you finally go to class again, with lipstick on. it’s not much. it doesn’t mean you’re over him. but it means you can at least walk into a room and not completely fall apart.

you even manage to laugh once, something your friends don’t miss. they send each other secret smiles when you’re not looking. they know it’s a good sign.

and even though you’re still grieving, still aching, still remembering him every time you hear a guitar strum, you start to find little moments of peace. not joy, not yet. but peace. tiny and fragile. but enough.

life without you.

he wanted to call, god, he wanted to.

every day since you left, his fingers hovered over your name. your contact was still saved with a heart beside it. still in his emergency. still starred.

the day you walked in on him — standing frozen with the lunchbox in your hands and tears burning in your eyes turned into a haunting memory.

you didn’t scream. you didn’t yell. you just looked at him like he’d shattered something sacred. and he ran after you, barefoot, panicked, half-dress and breathless.

but he stopped. and maybe that’s the part that haunts him the most.

he never called. not because he wasn’t sorry. not because he didn’t care. but because he didn’t know how to face the wreckage he caused. because deep down, he knew you deserved more than what he gave you. more than the version of himself that let you down in the worst way.

and the worst part? he had fallen for the blonde.

not in the way he fell for you, not the meteoric, world-tilting, i wrote you a song, kind of way.

but in a way that required no gravity. no weight. no soul.

he didn’t have to fight for the blonde. she showed up at every party, laughed at his jokes without really knowing what they meant. she kissed him like it was expected, not treasured. and she had time…time he hadn’t gotten from the girl he used to sit under the stars with.

he remembered that ache too well. the way you would cancel plans because of labs, fall asleep with textbooks in your lap instead of his arms, show up late with guilt in your eyes and coffee in your hands, apologizing with forehead kisses and tired smiles.

he missed you even then. missed the weight of your head on his chest. missed the silence you could sit in together without it ever feeling awkward. missed the way you loved him in your own quiet, exhausted ways.

but at some point, he got tired of missing you. of waiting. of feeling like second place to your ambition, your plans, your future he couldn’t see himself in.

so when the blonde leaned in close at that party, when her laugh filled the space that had been empty for too long, he didn’t pull away. he let it happen. over and over. until “don’t worry about it” turned into something else. something messier.

but nothing about it ever felt like you.

because every time she said his name, it never sounded right. every time she touched him, it didn’t burn like you. and no matter how many nights he spent tangled up in her limbs, he couldn’t get the memory of you out of his head.

he didn’t call. because he didn’t know what he’d say. because saying “i’m sorry” wouldn’t be enough. and saying “i still love you” would only hurt more.

he still played his guitar, but the songs didn’t sound the same. they didn’t come easy like they did when you were sitting cross-legged on his bed, humming along. he still laughed, but it didn’t reach his eyes. he scrolled through your socials more than he’d ever admit. he saw the smiles you posted with new cafes, new books, new friends. he wondered if you still thought of him. wondered if you hated him. worried that you didn’t.

sometimes at night, he found himself dreaming about you. vivid, disorienting dreams where you were still together, lying on the hood of his car with your fingers laced and the stars overhead. he’d wake up with tears in his eyes, and the blonde would ask what’s wrong?

he never had the heart to tell her.

he never had the heart to call you.

so instead, he stayed quiet. learned to live with the silence. with the guilt. with the ghost of a love that used to fill every corner of his world.

even as it killed him a little more each day.

three months after.

you passed each other on campus once. your hair was cut short, his has grown a little longer. both of you slowed. both of you looked. neither of you stopped.

he looked tired. not in a bad way. just older, like life weighed on him a bit. his hoodie was wrinkled. he had a stubble now. and he looked at you like you were the last page of a book he still wasn’t ready to put down.

there was a twitch in his fingers, a muscle memory of reaching for you. you saw it. you felt it. and you hated how much it made your chest ache. how your heart stuttered like it remembered a song it used to know by heart.

tha air between you was thick. electric. so many words. none of them spoken. he opened his mouth slightly as if to say your name but no sound came out. and you? you thought of every version of him you’d ever loved. including the one that cheated on you.

a part of you wanted to stop. to ask how he’d been. to ask if he ever missed you at 3a.m. when the world got too quiet. but you didn't. you kept walking. because what do you say to someone who once held your soul, and now only holds silence?

someone who couldn’t even love you enough to give explanations and apologies?

no words. no closure. just the aching knowledge that once, this person had been your entire world and now they were just a stranger with your memories.

back to present day. one year later.

you’d been driving for nearly an hour now, one of those late-night drives meant to quiet your thoughts, to press shuffle on a playlist full of nothing and everything. the road was nearly empty, the sky hazy with stars, and your fingers tapped anxiously against the wheel.

you didn’t even see the stop sign until it was too late. your foot slammed the brakes. the world lurched. metal kissed metal.

“holy shit!,” you yell. the jolt snapped you back to reality as your heart pounded in your chest, adrenaline flushing through your veins.

of course you would crash your car the same week you got your license.

you stumbled out of the car, eyes wide, scanning for damage, panic rising in your throat. that’s when you heard it.

“y/n?!”

and your whole body froze. you didn’t have to look to know who it was.

that voice — the one you still heard in your dreams. the one that still echoed in the back of your head on days when you let yourself remember. the one you hadn’t heard in over a year but could recognize in a heartbeat. the one you made peace with.

slowly, you looked up, and there he was – jaehyun. standing on the other side of the road. frozen. like he’d seen a ghost. his jaw slack, eyes just as wide as yours.

for a second, neither of you said anything. you couldn’t.

he’s the last person you ever wanted to see in a moment like this. or maybe the first.

you swallowed hard, heat rising behind your eyes.

‘great. the universe fucking loves me.’

“hey, are you okay?” he asked, voice unsure, softer than you remembered.

his car looked fine, a little scratched on the side where your car clipped it, but nothing major. that’s when you noticed it.

“is that… a new car?”

“uh, yeah,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

his eyes didn’t meet yours and that stung more than it should’ve. that awkwardness…that silence. you once knew everything he was feeling with a glance. now, you could barely read him.

“i… i’m really sorry,” you say quickly, trying to regain your footing, “i wasn’t paying attention. i’ll cover whatever damage…we can exchange info—”

he steps closer, inspecting the scrape between your two cars, “hmm, it’s fine. no one was hurt, and the damage isn’t bad. i can just get it fixed.”

your breath catches, “are you sure?”

“yeah.” short. clipped. just like the way he left you.

you nod, crossing your arms, trying to pull yourself back together, but the silence that followed was heavy. too full of things you’d never got to say.

“…you got your license,” he says quietly.

you look up, blinking in surprise, “uh… yeah, i-i did.”

and he smiled. that same dimpled smile. the one you used to love. the one you haven’t seen in months, but still feel somewhere beneath your skin. it felt like being hit by a memory and a wave of grief at the same time.

there’s a beat.

then he turns, ready to leave. but something inside you cracks open, that quiet ache that never fully healed. so you call out, voice just barely above a whisper.

“hey…jaehyun?”

he stopped, turned back, eyes searching, “yeah?”

you swallowed, heart thudding your chest. you looked at him, really looked at him, and you saw it. the sadness in his face, the exhaustion behind his eyes.

“i just…” your voice came out softer than you intended, “i just wanted to say thank you. for teaching me.”

he stared at you for a moment and something shifted in his face. his smile this time was different. not the one you fell for. this one was heavier. more tired. more honest.

he nods once, “you’re welcome.”

and in that moment, you knew. he regretted it. the blonde, the silence, the year without you. all of it.

but you both said nothing more because what was left to say?

you didn’t need his apologies anymore. you didn’t need anything from him at all.

so you mirror his nod. and without another word, the two of you head back to your cars.

two cars. two people. driving in opposite directions.

but the ache in your chest tells you you’re both still carrying pieces of each other that no one else ever really got to touch.

and maybe that’s the saddest part.

the crash from his eyes.

he hadn’t even planned to go out that night. the party invite sat unopened in his messages. the game on the radio blurred into background noise. he just needed to drive with the windows down, mind quiet, something to drown out the guilt that still clawed at him when he was alone.

he told himself he was fine. told his friends he’d moved on. smiled when the blonde kissed his cheek in public, even though it felt like swallowing sand.

but even though he got a new number, he never deleted yours. never stopped writing songs he never finished. never got around to throwing out the old hoodie you left in his dorm until it no longer smelled like you.

he didn’t expect the crash. didn’t see it coming until it jolted his body forward, his hands tightening instinctively on the wheel. the impact wasn’t bad. just enough to shock him.

he cursed under his breath, unbuckled, and got out, already preparing to reassure whoever hit him. but then he heard it.

“holy shit!”

that voice. your voice. his blood ran cold. he turned. and time stopped.

you were standing there, heart pounding, wide-eyed, with your car door open and your hands shaking. you looked older but still so god damn beautiful it hurt to breathe.

“y/n?!”

your name escaped before he could stop it. and when you turned to face him, something inside him cracked open.

he hadn’t seen you in a year. three hundred and sixty-five days of pretending he didn’t miss you.

of pretending it didn’t kill him every time someone brought you up. now here you were. like a ghost he hadn’t been ready to face and he was the idiot who still dreamed about you.

“hey, are you okay?” he asked, because what else could he say?

you nodded, clearly shaken, eyes flickering over the cars, the scratch, the damage, anything but him.

“is that… a new car?” you asked.

he ran a hand through his hair, forcing a breath,“yeah.”

he didn’t tell you that it was his way of trying to erase you. couldn’t tell you that it made it worse because now the passenger seat felt empty in the wrong ways.

you apologized, of course you did, still so considerate. still so gentle. even when he was the one who wrecked everything first.

“i’ll cover the damage…we can exchange info…”

god. you were nervous. rambling. and he hated that you were talking to him like a stranger.

“it’s fine,” he said quietly. because no scratch on a bumper could compare to the wreckage of you leaving his life.

“are you sure?” you sounded uncertain. like you didn’t trust him anymore.

you were right not to.

“yeah,” he said again. bare. hollow. final.

he should’ve told you then. told you that he still thought about you every time he passed the cafe on campus. that the blonde was long gone, that she never really stayed, because she could feel what he didn’t say. that the only reason he hadn’t called was because he didn’t know how to say i never stopped loving you without falling apart.

but instead, he said something stupid.

“you got your license.”

and when you smiled, shy and small, it undid him. that smile. that softness. the same one that made him feel like maybe love didn’t have to hurt.

you didn’t say much. didn’t ask how he was. didn’t offer closure. not like, he deserved it. but then, just as he turned to leave, you stopped him.

“hey…jaehyun?”

his name on your lips again. he turned, heart thudding, eyes burning.

“i just wanted to say thank you. for teaching me.”

and he almost lost it right there. because that was you, even now. still choosing gratitude over bitterness. still offering peace, when all he’d left you with was silence.

“you’re welcome,” he whispered.

but what he really wanted to say was:

i’m sorry. i never meant to hurt you. you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and i didn’t realize it until it was too late. i think I’ll always love you.

instead, he watched you return to your car. and he did the same.

he drove off into the night with a hollow in his chest that hadn’t shrunk in a year and he knows that missing space will always be in your hands.

THE END.

͙͘͡★

an: finishing this feels likes a breath of relief not gonna lie. thank you for reading! let me know who you would like to see in this series! i’m thinking maybe johnny with enough for you next? but idk! leave your thoughts with me if you’d like <3

#jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun angst #jung jaehyun fluff #jung jaehyun smut #jung jaehyun #nct 127 x reader #nct 127 angst #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 smut #withsourseries

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biellescouts · 18 hours ago

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fwb!jaehyun ⬂

jeong jaehyun x f!reader

a/n; saw a fake texts thing of him & i was like ‘oh this is so him’ this honestly just fell out of my brain. also these pics… im fiending

cw: jaehyun is a douchebag! cocky fine shyt. not proof read, kissing ooohhhh, suggestive; implied couch sex😓

summary: fwb non!idol au in which jaehyun was your insta crush who ended up not living up to your delusions, so now he’s ur friend-with-benefits.

fwb!jae who’s like, one of those insta fuckboys and you somehow ended up becoming mutuals. initially, you thought you were gonna make an honest man out of him, form some sort of relationship, start dating — whatever. but on the first link up he showed his true true colors & you were like nah, let me just have some fun.

so now he hits u up at like 10:15pm tb some “hi mamas, u busy?” but like… who is busy at this time of night. which is exactly what he says when u respond w yes. so he ends up coming over after you give up fighting with him about it.

when he gets up to ur apartment you answer the door in ur pjs cs why bother dressing up,, it’s no one special— just ur fuck buddy!

that being said🥸. the pajamas in question are a pink vest, no bra & some tiny ass shorts. thrifted hollister. so when he sees the fit he fully checks you out at the door before even acknowledging you properly. asshole.

he keeps it chill for the most part. hits you with a smooth “wassup,” daps you up (gotta keep it casual ofc) and nods his backwards cap at you before sliding past you into your living room. and he doesn’t miss the chance to ghost his hand along the sliver of your stomach that can be seen between the vest and shorts. means ‘i wanna fuck.’ in jaenese. probably.

“nothings up. why you here, lowkey.” you tease him. you know why he’s here. he knows why he’s here. he just smiles at you dopily from where he made himself at home on your couch. and pats his hand on his lap expectantly.

you wanna be bratty so bad and keep bugging him but it’s lowkey too late for games tonight. and to be honest with yourself - as much as you hate to admit - needed him to come tonight. you’d been needing that lately.

all week he’d been letting people know on his fuckboy ass instagram feed that he’d bleached his hair blonde and you needed to see that shit in motion, in 3D. ASAP.

so that’s how you end up being sat down on his spread open legs, pushing your fingers through his hair and gently scratching his scalp with your acrylics. “you got your hair done?”

“did it myself.” he purses his lips at you proudly and his hands start to wander down your back.

“lying ass.”

“what? i swear.” and you just laugh at him.

“looks good.” you lower your eyes at him and his flick down to your lips so you decide to play with him— “you wanna kiss me?” but in the position y’all are currently in, he’s past the embarrassment now. he just responds with “mhm” and brings his lips up to yours.

you would probably never know how jae kisses someone he’s actually into cs when you guys get together it goes from 1 to 100 real fast. maybe 15 seconds after that first peck from him, you’re now sloppily making out. his hands are going just about anywhere possible; curled up into your bundles, under the back of your vest, down your shorts to grab your ass anddd he’s getting hard under you.

& to his relief, you choose to silently acknowledge his boner, rolling your hips into his as his tongue dips into your mouth. without fail, the sloppy make out always leads from one thing to another & the horniness builds up into the two of you drying it on the couch until one of you gets restless and starts undressing the other. and it’s almost always jaehyun to lose in your unspoken competition.

whenever he comes around you always end up fucking on this poor couch— he probably never even seen your bedroom, let alone stayed over in there. you fuck hard and wild and loud just licking and biting all over each other. and the way he holds you while you’re riding him or he’s hovering over you, balls deep inside your pussy, you’d think you have something. but as soon as he’s done beating it up, you climb off him leaving to your room with a quick “night” and expecting him to be gone when you wake up the next morning.

& maybe this would sadden you & make you have a really long think while staring into space. but you have to remember— he’s a dick! nobody has time for that kind of trauma rn.

a/n: idk why but it’s lowkey so hot when a guy is an asshole… zero survival skills💔 also this was supposed to be short wtf. damn near a whole fic. anyways #needthat. ugh.

#jaehyun #fem!reader #jeong jaehyun #jeong jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun imagines #nct imagines #poc!reader #black!reader #nct x reader #nct fanfic #nct smut #nct 127 #nct 127 smut #non idol au

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a-spicy-reader · 3 days ago

Text

Birthday Sex

SINOPSE

Jaehyun comes back from the military on his birthday. And he’s not expecting just any kind of celebration.

WC: ~3k

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

☆ Warnings: established couple, slow burn tension, oral (f ︎ m, m ︎ f), rough sex, dirty talk, multiple positions, creampie, praise & possessive kink, uniform kink, facial expressions kink, deep emotional aftercare, explicit language, intense sensuality, crying during sex, soft domination

English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes

(This is the longest text I've ever written, that's why it took so long 😅😅 I think it's also the dirtiest, that's why I had to be cute at the end, a little embarrassed too 😬😬😬)

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Jaehyun: —I’m out of the base. I’ll be there in 40 minutes. Open the door when I knock. And wear something that’ll drive me insane. I want you the moment I step in.

Nayara read the message with trembling fingers.

It was his birthday. But the one about to be unwrapped was her.

Forty minutes later, the knock on the door froze her in place. Three firm taps. She opened without thinking. He was there.

Full uniform. Jacket buttoned. Hair buzzed on the sides, heavy expression. But when he saw her, something in him softened. For a second, the soldier gave way to the man who had spent nights dreaming of this moment.

He pulled her in gently. His arms wrapped around her waist, and Nayara buried her face in his chest. The rough fabric of his uniform contrasted with the heat of the body underneath. He kissed the top of her head. Then her face. Her forehead. Her nose.

And then, her mouth.

It was a long kiss. Slow at first, but full of longing. His tongue found hers like he’d been dying of thirst. A thirst he’d carried for months. His body pressed against hers, his scent, his weight—everything about him overwhelmed her completely.

—You have no idea what ran through my head these past six months, he whispered against her lips. —And now that I’m here, you’re mine. All of you. No pause.

He leaned his forehead to hers for a moment. His breath warm. His hands slid down her back, gripping her waist, her ass—like he was confirming she was real.

—Show me you still know how to give me what’s mine.

Nayara dropped to her knees.

It was natural. Instinctive. Her body begged for the position, her desire already pleading to be claimed.

He looked down, eyes darkening with lust.

—Good girl.

Jaehyun slowly unbuckled his belt, still in uniform. He unzipped just enough to free his cock—already hard, thick, pulsing. Nayara looked up at him, licked her lips, then ran her tongue slowly over the tip. Tasted him. Hot, familiar, intoxicating.

She wrapped her lips around him and started sucking.

Slow at first, just her mouth working him, exploring. He groaned low, his hand in her hair, guiding the rhythm.

—Yeah… fuck. Just like that…

Nayara sped up. Her mouth hot, tongue swirling, sucking harder. He tilted his head back for a moment. His hips started to move, thrusting deeper into her throat.

—Look at me, he ordered.

She obeyed, eyes tearing up, locked on his.

He held her head steady. Started fucking her mouth with slow, deep strokes. His other hand cupped her face, thumb wiping the spit running down her chin.

—Fuck, I missed this, he whispered, voice rough. —You like this… on your knees, swallowing it all… like you were made for this.

Nayara moaned with him in her throat. He felt it. Lost it. The pace got rougher. The control vanished.

He thrust hard now, holding her in place, fucking her mouth like it was the only way to unload six months of caged hunger.

But just before finishing, he stopped. Yanked her back by the hair, breathing hard, eyes wild.

—Turn around. Now. I want to fuck you in this uniform. With your mouth still dirty from me.

Jaehyun grabbed Nayara by the hair with calculated force, guiding her to the couch. He threw her onto it like she belonged to him—because she did.

—On all fours, he growled. —Cross your legs.

Nayara obeyed. Propped on her elbows, knees pressed together, legs crossed just like he wanted. The position made her tighter, more sensitive. And he knew it. Fuck, he knew it.

Jaehyun knelt behind her. Uniform still intact. Boots firm on the floor. She heard his zipper opening more, his breathing heavy, and then… his tongue.

No warning.

He dove between her legs like a man unleashed. His tongue licked, pushed inside, circled violently. No tenderness. No mercy. He ate her out like he was trying to erase every second they’d been apart.

—Stay like that, he growled against her. —Tight and ready. Just the way I like it.

His hands spread her ass cheeks roughly, exposing everything. Nayara moaned loud. He just buried his tongue deeper. Sucked harder. Like he was addicted. Like her orgasm was his mission.

When she squirmed too much, he held her still. Bit her. Spanked her. Kept her locked in place—crossed, open, completely vulnerable.

—You gonna come just from my mouth? After six months, still that easy?

She could barely speak. Just moans, gasps, begging.

—Say it. Tell me it’s my pussy. No one else touched it.

—It’s yours… only yours, Jaehyun… it always was!

He sucked harder. His tongue vibrating against her clit with steady pressure. His fingers slid inside her, filling her, fucking her with his mouth.

And she exploded.

The orgasm tore through her. Hard. Hot. Almost painful. She screamed, her whole body shaking, thighs squeezing tight in the crossed position he commanded.

But he didn’t stop.

Kept licking. Kept sucking. Kept finger-fucking. He wanted more. He wanted her broken. Shaking. Gone.

And when she tried to crawl away, he yanked her back by the waist.

—Don’t run. I waited six fucking months. You’re taking everything.

She was still shaking from the orgasm, her body arched, her legs crossed as he had told her to. But Jaehyun was nowhere near satisfied.

He spoke to himself, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, his gaze filled with fire.

“Stay like this.”

He opened his pants further, without taking anything off. He only left his cock free, hard, throbbing. His uniform hung open, but he was still wearing everything — and that only made everything dirtier.

He spat on his hand, supported himself by the base, and knelt behind her.

With one hand firmly on Nayara's waist and the other on her braids, he pulled her head back while the tip of his cock touched her hot, throbbing entrance.

“I'm going to fuck you until you forget your name.”

And he did.

Deep. All at once. Without mercy.

She clarified. The sound was muffled by his hand that touched her mouth next.

"Shhh… you're going to wake up the neighbors. Or do you want everyone to know that you're being fucked by your uniformed man, on the couch?"

The thrusts came hard, heavy. He pounded his entire body, each movement making the couch creak. His hand held Nayara's hips, pulling her against his brutal thrusts. The sound of their bodies colliding was loud, wet, animalistic.

"You're mine. Mine. Do you understand?"

"Yes, fuck, only yours!"

He let go of her braids forcefully, bending her spine, making Nayara look back as he fucked her. His eyes were wild. A sweaty uniform. His face red with tension.

He spat on her ass, running his finger along it, threatening to stick it in.

"You can handle it, right? You like it when I'm like this. Rough. No mercy."

And she moaned even more. She begged. She pleaded.

He threw her sideways on the couch, placed one leg on his shoulder, and came back at her. The new angle made him hit her hard. Nayara felt everything. And he moaned along with her—low, hoarse, as if he were fighting himself.

“You’re going to cum again for me,” he growled. “Now. Come with me.”

And she came.

The second time was even stronger. Her body locked up, her chest heaving, her legs trembling.

Jaehyun thrust a few more times, his movements becoming uncoordinated. He grunted deeply, dug his nails into her skin, and came hard—inside, deep, with her entire body trembling on top of his.

The silence afterward was heavy. They were both panting. Sweaty. Exhausted.

But he still hadn’t taken off his uniform. And Nayara knew: he wasn’t going to stop there.

Jaehyun fell on top of Nayara, panting, his sweaty chest pressed against her back. Their bodies were still throbbing, shaking. His uniform stuck to their skin — and the heat between them seemed to set the room on fire.

She turned her face and smiled, with that glint of challenge in her eyes.

“First round… and you’re already like this?”

He laughed. That low, hoarse laugh that made the hairs on her body stand on end.

“You don’t know what I brought in my backpack.”

He stood up, slowly taking off his jacket, then his t-shirt. His body was pure muscle and training marks — thick thighs, tense arms, sweat dripping between the abs. Nayara bit her lip.

He opened the backpack on the floor and pulled out two items: a small, discreet vibrator and a thick, black cock ring.

“I thought about you every time I jerked off. And I bought this thinking about when I came back. Now that I’m here… you’ll feel everything.”

She lay down on the couch, spreading her legs, her thighs wide and shining with desire. Her pussy was still wet, throbbing.

“Come on, then. Show me.”

Jaehyun knelt down. He placed the ring at the base of his already half-erect cock, which began to harden again just looking at her open like that.

He turned on the vibrator and passed it along the inside of her thighs first. Nayara shivered. She moaned softly.

“Not directly on the clitoris… Jaehyun…”

“Shh. Now it’s my way.”

He slid the vibrator over her clitoris, circling it with pressure. His fingers entered slowly as she moaned loudly, her whole body reacting. The vibrator was vibrating at the exact spot. He knew it.

She came again, lighter, more sensitive, but still hot. He then climbed on top of her, placed his cock between her legs and thrust slowly, with the ring vibrating along with it, increasing each sensation.

“Fuck, Nayara… you squeeze me in a way…”

They both moaned together. Now the rhythm was more controlled, but the pleasure was multiplied. The ring vibrated, her clitoris was touched by the toy, and Nayara was already at her limit.

“Get on top,” he asked, his voice choked.

She rode him firmly. Her hands on his chest, shaking hard. Her ass slapped against his thighs with dry pops. The vibrator stuck between them was still on, and he almost screamed with the doubled stimulation.

“Go… Nay… fuck me like that. That's it, fuck!”

She leaned forward and bit his shoulder. Her nails marked his abdomen. They were both sweaty, close together, wild.

And then they came together. Trembling. No sound. Just labored breathing, eyes closed, bodies collapsing.

Silence.

Then, only the sound of the vibrator being turned off, and her low laughter in his ear.

Nayara got off the couch limping slightly. Her legs were shaking. Her skin was still vibrating. She was heading towards the bathroom when she felt his gaze burning into her back.

She turned slowly.

Jaehyun was still naked, standing in the middle of the room, his eyes fixed on her as if he couldn't believe that all of this was real. His chest rose and fell slowly, but his dick… was still hard.

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you going again?"

He took a step. Then another. Until his body was pressed against hers. Without a word, he ran his hand over her face, then down her throat, until he was holding the back of her neck.

"Shut up and lie down on the bed. Legs open. Hands up."

His voice left no room for argument.

She turned around without saying anything, feeling the air heat up again. She entered the room, climbed onto the bed and did exactly what he told her to do. Her body was limp, but her arousal was rekindling. Her thighs were throbbing. Her pussy was already starting to throb with anticipation alone.

Jaehyun came in soon after. He brought the vibrator back. And a Velcro handcuff that she didn't even know he had brought.

“I want you to surrender, Nay. No escape. You'll cum until you beg me to stop.”

She smiled mischievously. “I doubt it.”

He climbed onto the bed and tied her wrists together, above her head, using the headboard. He turned on the vibrator and placed it between her legs, without touching it directly. Just touching it there, teasing.

Meanwhile, he masturbated slowly. His cock was growing again. Firm. Throbbing. His jaw clenched. He seemed in destruction mode.

“Look how my cock gets just seeing your pussy open.”

She moaned. Her legs tried to close, but he pushed them with his knee. He opened them wider.

And he thrust.

All at once.

With no relief. No time to breathe.

She screamed. He thrust deep, hard. The vibrator stuck between them. Each thrust hit the exact spot. The cock ring was still there, vibrating along with it.

Her eyes rolled back.

“DON’T STOP, JAEEEH—”

He covered her mouth with his hand. “Shhh. I’m far from stopping.”

He took it out and put it back in. He took it out again. And thrust deeper, faster. Nayara screamed with her eyes, her body arching, trying to escape. But he kept her there. Trapped. Surrendered.

Her hands tied. Her soul wide open.

He bit her shoulder. He slapped her ass, pulled her hair, cursed softly:

“Holy shit… you were born for this. To be fucked by me. All over. Until you pass out.”

And she came.

Harshly. Almost painful. Almost suffocating. Her entire body shook. The orgasm tore through her. And he kept going.

She couldn’t speak anymore. Her hands were numb, her arms pinned above her head, her body sweating, vibrating, begging for the end and for more at the same time.

Jaehyun thrust as if he was on the verge of something that not even he knew how to control. His thrusts hit deep, more intense and more desperate. The vibrator was still vibrating between them, and Nayara was crying.

Tears were streaming from her eyes — not from pain, but from overwhelming pleasure. Pleasure so strong that her body didn't know what to do with it anymore. She was shaking. She was screaming. She was crying.

He saw it.

"Are you crying for me, love?" he whispered, his voice cracking with lust. "You're feeling everything, right? You're squeezing me so tight… fuck."

His cock was throbbing. Nayara was wrapping it around him so tightly that he could barely move.

"You're going to make me cum inside you. Do you want it? Do you want me to explode inside you."

She could only moan and shake her head, her face sweaty, her eyes wet.

That's when he bit her.

With his hand firmly holding her hip, he bent down and bit her shoulder hard — marking it, as if he wanted her to remember that moment for the rest of her life.

And then he came.

Jaehyun locked his entire body. A hoarse grunt came from his throat. His cock exploded inside her in hot, strong, endless jets. He came deep, feeling her tighten even more with each contraction, as if her body was sucking every drop.

“That's it… fuck, Nayara… swallow it all… all… fuck…”

She felt it.

The hot jets hitting the bottom. The heat invading. Her thighs trembling. Her body collapsing along with his.

He stayed inside her for a few seconds, still throbbing, still moaning softly in her ear.

When he finally pulled out, his cock slipped out slowly, glistening with cum, and he saw: his cum began to drip from her, white, thick, hot.

He didn't accept that.

“No… no. This is yours.”

And with his fingers, he tried to push it all back in. Gently, but obsessively. As if it was more than just cum. As if it was part of him that he didn't want to escape.

She moaned as she felt his fingers pushing the cum back inside.

“Stay with me,” he murmured, looking straight into her eyes.

And then, he bent down and kissed her.

A slow kiss. Wet. Deep. Full of surrender. A kiss of absolute love, sweaty, post-sex, post-orgy, post-chaos. A kiss that said more than any words.

He let go of her hands, but she didn't move.

She stayed there. Lying down. Destroyed. Loved. Marked.

He hugged her from behind, still inside the bed.

“I fucking love you, Nay.”

She smiled, her eyes closed and her soul satisfied.

“Happy birthday, Jaehyun.”

The room was silent.

Just the sound of the fan spinning on the ceiling and her breathing slowing down little by little. Nayara was still lying on her side, legs spread, her entire body relaxed and sensitive, with goosebumps on her skin in places he hadn’t even touched.

Jaehyun was kneeling beside the bed, his head resting on the mattress, observing her body as if he couldn’t believe she really existed.

He got up slowly, went to the bathroom, wet a towel with warm water and came back.

“Stay still, love,” he said softly.

She didn’t answer. She only let out a sigh when she felt the warm touch between her legs.

Jaehyun cleaned her carefully. With reverence. He wiped the towel slowly, removing the traces of cum with care, without pressing. As if he was taking care of the most precious thing in the world. Every now and then, he would kiss her thigh. Or her belly.

When he was done, he threw the towel in the basket and came back with one of his t-shirts. He put it on her delicately, as if she were made of glass.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, arranging her hair with his fingers.

“Only you,” she murmured, with a lazy smile.

He laughed, but still took out his cell phone and ordered food. Then he lay down behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, his nose touching her neck.

They stayed like that. Close together. In silence. His touch was different now—light, gentle. A finger tracing invisible lines on her arm. A kiss on the back of her neck every few minutes.

“You drive me completely crazy, you know?” he said, his voice low, almost choked. “When I was there… in the barracks… the only thing that kept me going was imagining you. Here. Waiting for me.”

She squeezed his hand between her fingers, her eyes still closed.

“And you came back. And you fucked me like the world was ending.”

“And after that, I just want to take care of you,” he whispered. “Bathe you, feed you, hold you in my arms. You are my love and my addiction.”

He kissed her shoulder. His breathing was already slower. And yet, the touch was still there. Endless affection.

Jaehyun was no longer the soldier who arrived breaking everything. Now, he was just the man. The boyfriend who cleaned, cared, loved.

A short time later, the intercom rang.

Jaehyun got up slowly, still naked, put on some random shorts and went to the door to get the order. Nayara stayed in bed, lying on her side, just watching. When he came back, he was carrying a tray with food and two glasses of juice, balancing everything with that smile of someone who is completely surrendered.

“Time to recharge, Mrs. Jeong,” he said, blinking.

She laughed, sitting up with effort on the bed, his shirt still half-up, her legs spread, red marks on her thighs. He helped her adjust the pillows, placed the tray on her lap, and sat next to her, close.

“You knew that fucking me like that would leave me without the strength to get up, right?”

“I knew. That was the plan,” he said, laughing.

They ate slowly, sharing the food with each smile. With each bite, he made sure to put it in her mouth, as if that were part of the care. She returned it with warm looks, but the mood was different now — calm, intimate, almost sacred.

When they finished, he collected everything, left it in the kitchen and went back to the bedroom. Nayara was already lying down again, with her eyes closed. But she opened them when she felt his arms wrap around her legs.

“What’s up…?”

“You’re going to take a shower. And I’m going to take you.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you.”

She smiled, surrendered.

In the bathroom, he sat her on the shower bench. He turned on the warm water, adjusted the temperature and got in with her. He took the soap, lathered his hands, and began to gently rub each part of her body.

First her shoulders. Then her neck. Her arms. Her chest. Her belly. Her thighs. And between her legs — with the utmost respect, but without stopping to smile at the memory of what they had just done there hours before.

She just sighed. Her eyes closed. Trusting. Surrendering even to the care.

Then he washed his own body quickly, turned off the shower and took the towel. He dried her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. Every curve. Every fold.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

“I do. Because you remind me of that all the time.”

He laughed, wrapped her in the towel and picked her up again.

In the bedroom, he slowly placed her on the bed, lay down on her side, and pulled the sheet over them both. Their legs intertwined naturally. Their breathing began to align.

In the darkness, with only the low light from the window, he caressed her back with his fingertips. And he whispered:

“No matter how long I stay away again… I will always come back to you. Always.”

She turned her face, pressed her lips to his chest.

“And I will always be here. To be yours.”

He kissed the top of her head.

And finally, they slept.

Exhausted and Satisfied

#nct x reader #black reader #ambw fic #ambw nct #nct ambw #nct x black!reader #nct hard hours #nct fanfic #nct smut #nct 127 smut #jaehyun x black reader #jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun imagines #aspicyreader

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orangesaek · 3 days ago

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'tattooed on my mind' | Jaehyun

request: "Jaehyun (y/n's unrequited love at first but falls bit by bit for her)"

pairings: tattoo-artist!Jaehyun x afab-lawyer!reader (Johnny, Taeyong, Yuta & Ten cameo)┊genre: slow-burn romance, friends to lovers, some comedy (tried), fluff┊wc: 3.5k┊cw: minimal cursing/swearing

@bluedbliss I might have gotten a bit carried away (hence the wc im sorry) but I hope u like this anw~ tysm for requesting xoxo

a/n: slightly proofread. also, I MISS JAEYONG :((((

Two years ago, you found yourself reluctantly stepping into a tattoo shop, dragged there by your older brother Johnny and his friend Yuta. They promised you something irresistible:

“After the tattoo session, we’ll treat you to the best food ever.”

That was the only reason you agreed to tag along. You had zero interest in tattoos—well, aside from admiring the art from a safe distance.

The air inside smelled like antiseptic. Dark and edgy.

“Yo, Ten,” Johnny called as you all stepped in.

“Hey,” Ten mumbled from across the room without looking up, hunched over a client’s arm with focused precision.

“Hi to whoever you brought, too.”

“Hi,” you replied, a little amused.

Johnny grinned. “This is my little sister, the lawyer. Finally dragged her out.”

“Cool,” Ten said, still not looking up. “Hi lil sis.”

And then you saw him.

Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looked up from his desk near the window and stood, brushing graphite off his hands. He was wearing a loose, sleeveless black tee that showed off his toned, tattooed arms, his hair tousled like he hadn’t even tried. His dimples made an appearance as he gave you a small smile.

“And this,” Johnny continued, motioning toward Jaehyun and the man beside him, “is Jaehyun and Taeyong. They own this shop with Ten.”

Taeyong gave a slight nod and a friendly smile.

“Hey. You can sit on the couch if you want. There’s also a coffee shop downstairs if you want to grab something to eat.”

Without missing a beat, Ten called out again—still tattooing, not looking up.

“We’ve got water and instant coffee in the back, and snacks in the cabinet above the fridge. Might wanna grab something now—based on those cursed sketches Johnny and Yuta wanted, you’re gonna be here for a while.”

You chuckled. “I’m okay, thanks,” you said, settling onto the couch.

From your seat, you watched them work. Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Ten moved with smooth confidence, tattoos like murals on skin, faces too perfect.

They should be celebrities, you thought, not tattoo artists. Too handsome to be hidden in a tucked-away studio like this.

Jaehyun was working on Johnny’s forearm, glancing up occasionally to chat, then down again with expert precision. At one point, he looked over at you and flashed another smile, one dimple deepening.

“You look like you're analyzing us like a criminal case,” he said. “Should I be worried you’re building evidence?”

You smirked. “Only if bad puns are a felony.”

He snorted mid-laugh—snorted—and his pen jerked slightly.

“Shit,” he hissed. “Almost ruined the outline.”

Taeyong cracked a smile from where he was prepping Yuta’s arm.

“I told you not to try being funny while tattooing.”

Ten let out a snicker from across the room.

Johnny gave Jaehyun a side-eye.

“If you mess up my tattoo, I’m making you ink a dick on your pretty face.”

Jaehyun tried to hold in another laugh but failed miserably, shaking his head.

The whole room fell into a lighthearted rhythm after that, and from the couch, you watched it all unfold—your heart doing things it shouldn’t around a guy like him.

Johnny and Yuta loved Jaehyun and Taeyong’s work so much they kept coming back for more tattoos. And somehow, you kept tagging along—on the excuse that the café downstairs had the best iced Americano in Seoul.

They knew exactly why you came.

“Stop pretending you just like coffee,” Yuta teased one day as you sipped your drink while Jaehyun was busy with another customer.

You glared at him. “I’m the only responsible adult here, okay?”

Jaehyun caught your eye and grinned.

“Responsible, huh? I’d say reckless—showing up just for coffee and bad jokes.”

You rolled your eyes but chuckled when he flexed his tattooed arms and winked playfully.

Weeks passed, and you found yourself drawn into their world despite your demanding job. Whenever Johnny said Jaehyun would be around, you’d drop everything and come by.

One evening, Johnny nudged you during dinner.

“You know, everyone in the shop can tell you like Jaehyun. Even Taeyong and Ten are keeping tabs. Yuta knows, too. Obviously.”

You nearly choked on your food. “What? No way.”

Johnny smirked. “Yeah, way. You’re the worst at hiding it.”

You blushed but said nothing. You’d never told Jaehyun how you felt. You were scared it would ruin everything.

One day, while shopping for new office clothes at the mall, you and Jaehyun were walking side by side through the clean, wide hallways—your arm occasionally brushing his as you wandered in and out of stores.

He carried your shopping bags without complaint, even held up a few blouses to your frame while making fake model poses that made you snort.

Then, casually, you brought something up.

“Oh, by the way,” you said as you were flipping through some tailored blazers on a rack.

“A lawyer from SM asked me out yesterday. Said he saw me during trial and it was ‘love at first sight’.”

You didn’t look at Jaehyun when you said it. You weren’t sure why—maybe you were testing something, or just curious.

Jaehyun, who had been scrolling through his phone as he leaned against a pillar, paused. His smile faltered. You caught the flicker in his eyes when he looked up. Something unreadable. Confusion? Unease?

“Really?” His voice was slightly tighter than usual.

“Yeah,” you said, glancing at him from the side, trying to read him. “He seemed nice. Said he’s been seeing me in a few hearings and finally worked up the nerve.”

Jaehyun’s jaw ticked for a second. Then he gave a short laugh, forced.

“Can’t blame him. You’re pretty and amazing.”

Your heart twisted at the words. Sweet and supportive, but the delivery felt off.

There was silence. You were about to move on when he asked, voice low and seemingly offhanded, “So… do you like him?”

You blinked, caught off guard. “I’m not sure yet...”

Jaehyun tilted his head slightly, studying you. “He decent?”

“Kinda,” you said, shrugging. “I mean, he’s okay. Perfect hair, polite, driven.”

You weren’t even sure why you were describing the guy that much.

Jaehyun nodded slowly, as if absorbing that.

“Are you thinking about going on a date with him?”

You glanced at him again. His tone was careful.

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly. “I’m still thinking about it.”

Jaehyun didn’t respond right away. He shifted his weight slightly, eyes drifting away toward the row of jackets behind you. His lips pressed together.

He told himself he should be happy for you. That’s what friends do, right? Be supportive.

But instead, something tugged at him.

The idea of someone else getting to listen to your rants after court, getting to see that excited sparkle in your eyes when you talked about winning a case. Someone else making you laugh.

He looked back at you with a faint smile, then tilted his head toward the escalators.

“Anyway, didn’t you say you wanted to check out the stationery shop on the fifth floor? Let's go. Before you fall for Mr. Perfect Hair and decide to ditch your shopping buddy.”

Jaehyun didn’t realize it yet, but that moment would haunt him for weeks. Because that wasn’t the reaction of someone who saw you as “just a friend”.

That was the first time he realized that if he didn’t do something soon, someone else might step in where he had always been too careful to tread.

Someone else might get to call you theirs.

And he didn’t think he could handle that.

The first time Jaehyun came to your office, he unintentionally caused chaos.

He had stopped by your building during one of his free afternoons, dressed casually in a black sleeveless hoodie that showed off his toned, tattoo-covered arms. His hair was pushed back, revealing his sculpted face, sharp jawline, and the ever-dangerous combo—his dimples and a polite smile.

He had walked up to the front desk like he belonged there, asking in that calm, deep voice, “Hi, I’m looking for Attorney L/N’s office? I’m a friend. Just dropping something off.”

The poor intern at the reception nearly dropped her pen.

“Oh—uh, yes! She’s on the 17th floor. You can take the elevator to your left,” she stammered, blinking rapidly as she tried not to stare too hard at his arms or the way his black joggers clung perfectly to his hips.

Jaehyun smiled and thanked them with a slight bow, his dimples making a brief but deadly appearance.

The whispers started as soon as he turned around.

“Oh my god.”

“Who is that?”

“Did we just get a celebrity in the lobby?”

As Jaehyun stepped off the elevator on the 17th floor, more heads turned.

Your colleagues peered through office windows, peeking from behind their cubicles as he walked calmly down the hallway, his boots making light thuds on the polished tile. Even the older colleagues blinked in mild surprise as he passed.

He gave a slight, bashful nod to a few people who were obviously staring and then he stopped outside your door.

Inside, you were busy typing furiously on your computer, deep in edits for an upcoming court document. When you heard a soft knock, you called out automatically, “Come in.”

You didn’t look up until the door creaked open.

And then, “Jaehyun?”

He stepped inside, holding a takeout bag in one hand and two cups of iced Americano in the other.

“Johnny told me you haven’t eaten yet. Said you texted him you were swamped with that multi-million dollar case.”

Your mouth opened slightly. “He told you that?”

“Yeah, we were texting,” Jaehyun said simply, placing the bag and drinks carefully on the corner of your desk. “So, I figured you might need some fuel.”

You blinked, then stood up and smiled, the surprise giving way to warmth.

“Thanks… I didn’t even realize how hungry I was.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, dimples peeking again as he gave you a boyish grin.

“Didn’t want you to faint from hunger while winning your clients’ millions.”

You laughed. “That’s very specific and considerate of you.”

He glanced briefly around your office, eyes scanning the framed degrees and awards on your walls.

“It’s cool seeing your world. You talk about court all the time, but seeing it like this? I dunno. Makes me proud.”

You paused. That was unexpectedly sweet.

Jaehyun didn’t linger too long. “I’ll let you get back to it. Eat, okay?”

You nodded, walking with him to the elevator.

“Thanks again, really.”

“Anytime,” he said, waving as the doors closed.

The moment you walked back into your office, you were ambushed.

Two of your colleagues nearly tackled you in the hallway.

“WHO was that?” one of them whispered, wide-eyed. “And can you introduce me?”

You laughed nervously, trying to sidestep them.

“He’s just a friend.”

“Oh please,” another snorted. “Friends don’t bring lunch like that with iced Americano and a face that hot. He looked like a heavily tattooed K-pop idol.”

“He’s really just a friend,” you repeated, holding up your hands.

“Then give me his number,” one said boldly. “If you’re not dating him, I wanna take him out.”

You blinked. Then blurted out the first thing that popped into your head.

“He’s gay.”

“What?” they all said in unison.

“Yeah,” you said quickly. “He just looks like that but totally not into women. That’s why we get along. We talk about boys.”

They stared at you suspiciously.

You gave your best lawyer-face and backed into your office.

“I gotta review this case. Good luck, ladies.”

That wasn’t the last time Jaehyun came.

He started dropping by whenever he had gaps in his schedule—especially after that day. Sometimes, he’d bring hot soup on rainy afternoons.

When you were in a meeting and didn’t see him, you’d come back to your office and find the food waiting for you, along with those funny little messages that made your heart skip.

“Eat this or I’ll tattoo ‘hangry’ on you myself. – J”

You’d sit down at your desk, smile at his note, and immediately shoot him a text.

“you’re ridiculous but thank you 💛”

He’d reply almost immediately.

“only the best for Seoul’s top lawyer 💅✨ did you eat it or are you suing me for trespassing 👀”

One afternoon, Jaehyun had texted you, asking if you wanted to hang out. Johnny, Taeyong, and Yuta were off hiking somewhere ‘spiritual’, and you were home alone, slowly losing your mind between legal briefs and iced coffee refills.

"Come to the shop," Jaehyun had said.

"It’s just me and Ten today. He’s my only victim-slash-client. You can study here—it’s quieter than you think. Plus, you get to hear me whine while I work."

So, you brought your notes. Another complicated case waiting to be dissected, and settled into the familiar couch across the room.

You couldn't help but glance up every now and then, the ink glistening beautifully under the shop lights, and Jaehyun looking much more attractive as he expertly outlined Ten’s arm.

Your eyes took in all of Jaehyun’s visible tattoos and teased, “You're basically art with muscles.”

Jaehyun glanced up, dimples showing.

“And you're basically an encyclopedia with legs.”

You bit back a laugh.

Ten let out a dramatic sigh.

“Can you two stop flirting while I’m trying not to die here? My pain tolerance is not compatible with this rom-com energy.”

Jaehyun snorted, eyes twinkling as he returned to his shading on Ten’s arm.

“Sorry, bro. She started it.”

You looked back down at your notes, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling too hard, when Ten—currently sprawled comfortably in the chair as Jaehyun shaded on his arm—spoke up.

“So,” he began casually, “What’s the update on Mr. Perfect Hair?”

You blinked, caught completely off guard.

“Wait, how do you even know about him?”

Jaehyun visibly froze beside him, the buzzing of the tattoo machine pausing for a second. His shoulders stiffened.

Before Jaehyun could throw a warning glance or say anything, Ten casually replied, “Oh, Jaehyun told me.”

Your eyes slowly shifted to Jaehyun, who was now staring very intently on Ten’s arm—like his life depended on getting that one tiny shadow just right. He didn't meet your gaze. His jaw was clenched slightly, and you could see the tension in his brows. You raised a brow at him before turning back to Ten.

“He still texts me,” you said slowly. “But I haven’t said yes to his date invite yet… I’m not sure what to do.”

Ten hummed thoughtfully and turned his head to look at you.

“If you’re not sure, I think it’s better to just turn him down now. You don’t want to waste anyone’s time.”

You nodded, unsure. “Yeah, but what if I regret it?”

Ten gave you a knowing look, one Jaehyun purposefully avoided.

“You would've gone out with him a long time ago if you were really interested. You look like you're already into someone else anyway.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out because that actually made perfect sense. And the moment your eyes involuntarily glanced toward Jaehyun again, who was pretending he was way too focused on blending the shading, you felt your heart sink a little just from the weight of your own realization.

Later that night, after dinner and a little more quiet time at the tattoo shop, you finally sent Mr. Perfect Hair guy a message.

It was kind, honest.

You thanked him for his sweet words, told him you appreciated the gesture, but your heart wasn’t in the right place to start anything with him.

He responded quickly.

"That’s okay, really. Thanks for being honest. Whoever the guy is that ends up with you… he’s lucky. Good luck."

You smiled softly at the message. And without even thinking, your thumb hovered over another chat—Jaehyun’s. You didn’t type anything yet, but your heart was already miles ahead.

You were hanging out in the tattoo shop again, quietly studying your cases spread out on the table. The faint scent of ink filled the air.

Jaehyun was at his usual spot by the big window, working intently on a sketch for Yuta’s new tattoo. His brows knit together in concentration, every stroke of his pen deliberate and precise.

Every now and then, you’d glance up at him. His muscular, sleeveless arms flexing as he moved, tattoos on his skin looking like they had stories to tell. When he caught your eye, he’d flash that warm smile, dimples deepening, before returning his focus to the sketch.

You felt a quiet comfort in the shared silence, your mind flipping between legal jargon and the mesmerizing sight of Jaehyun so absorbed in his art.

Finally, summoning courage, you broke the silence.

“So... do you think someone like me could ever... get asked out by someone like you?”

You kept your eyes on the table, pretending not to watch his reaction.

Jaehyun paused, then laughed—a deep, genuine laugh that made your heart skip a beat. You looked up quickly, suddenly nervous.

“O-okay,” you said quietly, gathering your things, voice trembling a little, “Sorry. Forget I said anything.”

You stood up, heading for the door, when Jaehyun caught your wrist and suddenly pulled you into a tight hug.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh,” he said softly, his dimples showing as he smiled against your hair.

“I was laughing because... honestly, I can’t believe you beat me to it.”

You froze, heart pounding.

“I was going to ask you out,” he continued, voice soft but sure. “I just needed the right moment.”

You pulled back a little, searching his eyes. “Since when?”

His smile softened.

“Since the first time I saw you walk into the shop. You’re one of a kind—smart, funny, and somehow able to take my world-class jokes without rolling your eyes too hard.”

You laughed softly, the tension melting away.

“But when you told me about that lawyer guy who asked you out...” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Something just... flipped inside me. I realized I didn’t want to be just your tattoo artist friend or shopping buddy or your brother’s friend... I wanted to be part of your life, really part of it.”

Your breath hitched, warmth flooding your chest.

“So, what took you so long?” you asked, voice gentle but teasing.

He grinned, that familiar mischievous spark lighting up his eyes.

“I’ve been waiting for the right moment to ask you but you just beat me to it. And honestly? I’m glad you did.”

You smiled, like something long-awaited had finally arrived. Jaehyun pulled you back in for a tighter hug, his arms warm and secure around you as he gently swayed your bodies side to side. You could feel the steady beat of his heart against your cheek, his chin resting lightly on your head.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” he murmured softly, voice slightly muffled in your hair.

“You walking into the shop that first day? I thought Johnny brought you just to test my self-control.”

You chuckled into his chest. “You almost ruined his tattoo.”

He laughed, the low sound vibrating through your frame. “Because you made me laugh. Still do.”

He leaned back just enough to look at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek.

“I didn’t think someone like you could really look at someone like me and see beyond the ink or my dumb jokes.”

You reached up, fingertips tracing the curve of his jaw.

“I always saw you. I just thought maybe you didn’t see me like that.”

Jaehyun smiled, dimples deep, eyes soft.

“And I’ve always seen you. I just didn’t want to risk losing you before I was sure.”

His hand found yours, fingers intertwining, and he gave them a small squeeze.

Then, with a teasing grin, he said, “So… what’s gonna happen to that Mr. Perfect Hair guy? The one who fell in love with you at first sight?”

You tilted your head, feigning confusion.

“Mr. Perfect Hair? Hmm. Can’t say I know anyone like that.”

Jaehyun raised a brow, amused.

You bit back a smile, lowering your voice just a little.

“I am waiting for some guy to ask me out, though. Handsome, tattooed, annoyingly good at puns. I heard he might be free this weekend, and lucky me—I don’t have any cases to work on.”

For a second, Jaehyun didn’t move. Then that deep, warm laugh of his escaped as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your nose, dimples flashing.

“Perfect,” he murmured, still smiling. “I think that guy’s been waiting for the weekend, too.”

Weeks later, you were back in the tattoo shop when Jaehyun held out his hand.

On his ring finger was a tiny tattoo—your initials with a small heart.

“Tattoos last forever, right?” he said with that cheesy grin you secretly loved.

“So does my love for you.”

You smirked and pointed at your ring finger.

“Think you could tattoo mine with your initials?”

He leaned in close, eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Only if you pay me with a kiss.”

You smiled and kissed him.

And just like that, your unspoken love was inked into reality—permanent, beautiful, and real.

137 notes · View notes

1-49 · 3 days ago

Text

with only your mouth

╰► two broken-hearted strangers meet on a rainless night in late May and casually make something out of it.

─────────────pairing : f! reader × jaehyun ⁝ tags : romance ! little hurt / comfort situation; fluff. cigarettes mentioned , break-ups too; soft! charged lol. w. c. 11k. a complete drag! then im the type i am, sorry!

i love him, it’s all. cutiiee. also listen, for a true dark-haired jae enthusiast i sure find my way back here.. but this bnw pic uh! the la vlog? save me!! actually, i need him. at my house. so i could pet him. endlessly! :') soo fine mmmmh !

Flashes of lightning briefly turn night into day; the thunder ’s so loud, he feels it as much as he hears it. It all still brings back memories of that day. The agony just before it begins to rain, as though there’s a tangle of pain stuck a bit down his throat. This weighty strain on his sternum, this hard ‘reach for air,’ bearly some spare for his lungs… This—this itchiness in his eyes that’s gotten so point that a tear could be shed in a heartbeat…

… almost. Because it won’t. Because the desert rarely meets rain.

Inevitably, rain alone isn’t enough to cleanse a sand-kissed eye. Still, rather—perhaps, there’s no other choice but to adapt, adjust, or let go, but miserably so, so far he’s never truly let go in the same way today ’s rain never truly arrives. It all makes him hurt even more… The easier to give up belief, the far more difficult it’s to pick all the pieces back up. Merely stitched wounds that sore incessantly ─────── as there ’s no use in treating them, they damn near rip back open every. other. day.

But today’s all-hang-on: “Screw it!” He’s been staying low for weeks due an inner opinion bullshitting it’s safer to isolate himself, so things now are in a different gear.

Just hardly any growth in a safe zone, yeah?

Jaehyun gets if he is to overcome, he’s to push for new limits. The sooner, the better… though he’s been at his own pace. So fuck it, really… if it’s not going to rain, the only or at least the least useful way he can exploit this stubborn night is to use its cooling winds to rid his mind and body of negativity.

A drive down a parched road and into the city. A Friday, on a late evening, in late May, ‘WHEN HE’S DOING IT!’ It’s as though, all week, he’s been pressured into ‘try and wind down’s by frens in the chats of his phone—individuals who seem a bit obviously-oblivious of his insatiable desire to slack off, travel back in time, and relive memories, sort of… unconditionally. Both voluntarily and destructively, the mind of a preoccupied yearner.

Driving with these lil troubles, he finally lines up the car in the car park guarded by aged shrubs and steps outside for a moment of solitude. Only to find himself surrounded by back alleys and the saturated echo of club music & people who are nothing like him... Jaehyun’s unlike any, therefore he’s unique. But at what cost? So many places he doesn’t belong these days.

Only lonely, the night’s bitterness is all the way set into the cold asphalt curb, at the back of some of the clubs his friends promised him party, but is instead where he finds himself a place at…

A flash flood of euphoria goes in and out of the back door he’s focused on. He knows it’s one of the ways in; he knows he’s waited on, but his legs… Just aren’t making the fucking move, man! or… it’s really his fucking mind(?) At times, it seems as though he’ll always stay in this ‘state,’ motionless. Trapped in his past and current emotions… Like neither in his dreams, nor in, what is so far been, ‘weeks’ reality can he escape what happened…

Jaehyun sighs, pushing his crashed boots into the alley’s street and spreads his warm palms back onto the cool sidewalk, annoyed with himself for failing to get his thoughts straight in line before returning home. Seems the car will stay be the only thing he can line up correctly.

Actually, staying actual- to the ‘yes’ he promised his friends- would have been the ideal option here… And maybe the few beers would have def dulled, these now, ‘trying’ effects, yet—

…here he is, staring up at a jet nightsky with a few ‘clubbers’ upsetting his desired scape for tranquility.

Like a poisonous vapor the scent of nicotine sits on the air, imitating the tainted atmosphere of ‘that’ night; and the only change now… he hates cigarettes. Still, like clockwork, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the lighter. However dull the reason, or having no reason at all, he always has it on him. That he keeps all those memories in the flick of a lighter… Well, is something he just won’t acknowledge… They-

They continue to burn him as he flicks the chrome zippo on-&-off and back on again.

[Flick… Flick]

“Would you?”

He looks away from the flame and straight at the standing stranger, perhaps, at this moment, too audacious to exclusively trespass into the private space he shares with his memories... What he’s met instead is a cigarette stuck between feeble fingers in an outstretched hand as he raises his head for the whole image.

A ‘Please’ swells through shy, bitten lips, brows knitted in a beg and sorrowful eyes. The foot stomping may be a result of nervousness or the cool current; it’s up to option.

Somewhat unprepared for any company, Jaehyun does a tiny head shake, ‘shaking everything to the side,’ and stands up to help the shivering figure in front... you. Mans could have lit the cig right from where he was sitting, but it’s as though a tide urges him onwards; something beyond him draws him to his feet.

“...Sure,” he answers. “Yeah,” his attention flickering from the cigarette to you.

—

‘Some voice…’ you think,

much richer than any other voice you’ve ever heard; it feels like a new experience. Or you feel so, as it sends a buncha bubbles through your stomach immediately. Paired with his eyes? What a deep alchemy… Still, if you have to make a guess, he’s dealing with something, and the eyes are his windows. Although…

although he manages... With what little is left of him, he’s communicating his empathy into you, prioritizing your need at the moment over his worries and seeming genuinely wanting to find himself useful.

The fierce lines of his face you walked in on give way to something so far removed from the concept of mystery and unapproachability as two shy creases take form on either side of the cheeks. However, all of the changes they do to his face are hardly the result of him being polite, making you calculate how much damage it could do to get a complete smile from him.

And so, unfortunately so, under all the crushing weight of his aura, your metrics flow too fast to catch, and the fucked calculation leads you into an even frustrated smile.

And so, even if short the moment, he lays dominance all over your nerves.

Your lips, which have curved corners and are a gullible victim of his dimples, are his easy target. The way he’s zeroed in so passionately sort of pulls the curtain, on the prospect, of the times, and the things possible, when he’s not shy... That brisk, tempting possibility... That—

The thought alone burns you across the skin. All in and out.

Eventually, he flicks his lighter toward the cigarette that was all this time waiting on your lips, snuggled between your fingers like a promise of pleasure waiting to be realized.

—

Jaehyun’s all about the spectacle until you draw in that first breath; then...then his eyes shift from the smoke to yours. ‘An intimacy that’s been all-too-well-lived turns into a distant blur…’ She’s nowhere in his thoughts; it’s like he’s ambiguously hit a revamp you—

You are a curious distraction…

—

You take a slow drag off the cigarette, & it’s only when you’ve suck in all its bad, your closest find ‘damageful,’ that you start to expect he won’t be one more to judge you... Because he can’t, can he? He must be a smoker too. That’s why he’s out here. That—that’s why he has a lighter on him to begin with! He—

He…

...He seems a bit too wound up for someone who should instead be… unwinding. Anyhow,

odds still place him present at the scene.

Secluded backstreet, separating a row of nightclubs??

Huh, definitely not a place one just lands at. Or perhaps he has come here with a purpose, but ‘that vision’ has shattered right in front of his eyes(?) your hard guess... But if you must come to something, it’s like the club wasn’t his choice; may as well wish he had never made it choice at all. He—

He’s unexpected, or at least you didn’t expect his effort on you… even—even if it was really you who set the wheels in motion, and—

And not to go on-and-on-and-on about the fact that… that he… he’s gorgeous! All-around gorgeous, a rare smashing attraction! A thousand astounding sensations might take over if—if you refrained from holding back. If—

if you allowed yourself to take him in more deeply. Just—

Well, just because…

The more his stellar, silken face burns through your headspace, the more overwhelmed you get by the way he stands in your presence. His masculine fragrance streams all over, making you feen for a chance, for a

The feeling stupefies you... And the only way you run over it is by tearing your eyes away from him and sitting down close to where he used to sit. It’s just—

It’s JUST that he sits back, too, which you didn’t think he would!

“Thanks,” you offer, guiltily pleasuring yourself with another sweet glance at him before wandering back to the cluster of smokers for distraction.

“Mhhmmm,” he hums, “Should be careful with those, no? ...Then I don’t wanna come off as a parent, or an older sibling, listing you the risks. It’s a choice, yeah?”

Interesting… You frown sweetly, “You don’t smoke?”

He sways his head side to side, his lips forming into a ‘delectable shape.’

Right, you’re unsure what to make of it… Is he flirting without realizing or?

Still, having nothing to grasp, you bite your smile and gesture by raising your chin in question to the object he’s still flipping between his fingers.

“Then what’s with the lighter?”

Likewise, he… he tries to stifle the smile in advance, only it goes beyond his control. His lips stretch, baring more of his teeth.

“What’s wrong with carrying a lighter?”

“I don’t know,” you rasp, tilting cutely, “other than maybe if-if you smoke!? If not,” you arch a brow, “I’m allowed to assume you’re an arsonist... Actually… there’s really no plausible, god-sounding excuse for carrying a lighter if you don’t smoke.”

He chuckles, bobbing his head slightly, “Fair,” keeping focus on his boots as they form intangible figures, legs extended on the concrete, half of his trousers scrubbing the dust the desert must have carried from a great distance; which! not to say, but he obviously doesn’t mind…

This beauty thinks for a moment. He measures his thoughts for a bit and even manages to hide another small smile. The memory about it might be too sweet... or the idea, or

He bends himself forward a little, softly rubbing his cheek against his shoulder and then slowly trailing it down his arm, looking at you from a complete wrong angle... A ruinous one! Where his disarmingly dark eyes are all that remains, and his lashes kiss a couple of times enough to inflict their harm. He may give a cuddly kitten, but it’s just... His eyes at moments...

at moments they bear the flash of a wildcat. Then in eventually murmurs from behind his leather-jacketed arm,

“Though I can promise you I’m neither. It’s just… It’s a gift from someone.”

The confession blows your eyes tiny more than normal but you remain tender, ensuring your response is kind before diving further.

“Great taste,” you comment the lighter stylistic choice. “Someone you care about?”

With an inhaled “Ummmm,” he arches his neck. His fingers delve into his fat hair, and you watch millions of wild strands become tame to his touch. His jawline joins the study of geometry as he looks up at the black sky, or at least the thin line of it that’s visible between the tall clubs. The shape of things now is,

You. Viewing him. Posing in yet another of his wrong angles!

He’s pretty hot! 90°. And it’s like his hotness just magically doubled. Seriously, how many aspects does this guy consist of? What lengths? Cause you’ve seen insane contrasts in the short time he’s given you.

‘Just imagine loving someone just looking at them.’ Yeah, yeah, he’s that kind! Easy!

Though he finally puts you in suspense with his aggressive, compelling eyebrows & deep voice in confession, as he turns,

“Someone I cared about… Yes.”

Lingering traces of burn perhaps, in the use of past tense… So, it’s the first time you truly, really pause and not only to think of something nice this time, but also to try to understand the stance of his words.

‘Taking in more poison,’ taking time, you tap the cigarette off ash,

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but—

“If you carry things on you that are someone’s or… serve a reminder, it’s— It’s likely they��they’re still very much a part of you. It’s simple sense, no?”

Taken off, whether by your loud choice to be so direct this early into knowing him, or liking the fact, his brows lift and his mouth falls open, his tongue reaching his farthest tooth…

His reaction to you is so clear that you instantly gnaw your teeth into your lower lip and grow your eyes wide with a silently innocent ‘I’m sorry.’ However, that doesn’t stop you from being a further jerk… Silent nod to being a flirty one at that, thus your inability to control your smile…

“Yeah, sorry to be the one telling you this but—you also seem as if you’re still under their wraps, like... like, completely.”

“Ummmmm,” he’s reduced to his bobbing again; his lips pushed together as if he were trying to understand, or-or had already done so…

A very much- intricate line… Stretched time of a tender ‘hum-wave’ in which you find yourself all… all fuzzy, and—and then…

then a little bit nervous… of the depth his ocean carries, and… and then the—

the washed-off, unvoiced question before your feet of whether you’re a swimmer, and if so, if good enough because…

The currents…

Yes, the currents!!

He takes in a deep look at you, making sure your eyes are on a deeper, different network than the one they were on before, as he asks, “How can you tell?”

With a frail sigh, your shoulders drop; perhaps you dove in an inappropriately private place(?) Taking another moment, you inhale another drag, snuff the cig off the concrete, and hug your legs.

Truth is, he’s already soaked you in his voice; might as well let yourself drown in advance.

As it was really you! It was you who flirted with his shoreline… dipping your toes… messing up the sand… here… and then there… then going in... So, the sweeping tide—is what this is now.

“I don’t know, I just— I can.”

Right… You’ve been—hell, still are—where he’s now... so of course you can. You recognize it. And it isn’t a pretty place.

“Woah…” he scoffs, his tongue turning roughly around as if he can’t believe the candid burn. & more than is a question for you, he murmurs to himself, “Really?” Then he looks back at you, “Do I look that miserable?”

Crazy, right? Really, impossible! How can he be miserable!?? And where on earth did that ‘choice-word’ just come from?

‘Miserable…’

It just—It just seems so out of essence for someone like him. It doesn’t make sense. It-It just doesn’t... It just doesn’t happen for people like him!

But, hell, if it did, how does that word function in its meaning? How does that work? How does a badness like him end up miserable!?

If it’s to you, he exists at a level above whatever that word is. He isn’t coming in touch, even. That word... its close synonyms... and all its implications aren’t allowed to meet him! He’s the case’s antonym because… Because being miserable is a state saved for someone like you and the rest of ya buncha losers.

The most attractive man you’ve ever met—what the hell—even seen!!—and that’s on: far from being an overstatement!

All this time, all you’ve been doing is... so badly denying his badness—you’re so very much well aware of—space! You weren’t making room for his dangerously shaped lips, his lazy blinks, or his overall reserved charm to take root. Because—because all you’ve been trying to do is be patient. Be respectful, more like. Be civil, maybe just- be playful a touch; that’s really all. You’ve been—

...you’ve been robbing your eyes of him. Really, just devouring a few glances, when all he’s made about is… be looked at!

As he’s now…

…as you’re doing it right now… because he wants you to. Because he’s allowing you. The heck, he may even insist and demand your pair of eyes not be torn apart from his.

…And it’s when he lets them take full effect—when he’s had the surrounding world go extinct, and he’s taken you to a place where you and he are alone like a dream, and he’s made the silence speak—it’s then that they render you weak against your will. You just know your chest and neck are sort of burning, and there’s this choke you want to break-

but also don’t want to.

And now that he’s given you the podium, you act accordingly. Or... fairer to say, rather, it’s all your poorly managed—sorta—deprived sensations proving their stupid. But genuinely, you’d go far to defend any babe clawing for a piece of him even in ‘this kinda situation.’ What the hell, sure! Because he...

He’s a physical materialization of what has, so far, been a fragmented image in your mind. One you haven’t ‘entirely’ imagined since you lacked details. That is, until he now—a tangible specimen of what perfect means for you, and you’re just… you’re becoming hypnotized by his desirability.

But not to forget, the ‘top note’ on all this is him being wound up, and, maybe, a high reach here, but— also heartbroken. Though, then, why’s there no guilt acting as even sort of a base note of conscience!?

You’re taking him in the way you’d exactly take someone your hormones would normally be flushed about, when perhaps the weight of his hurt is what you should be connecting to at this moment… Perhaps sympathize with his pain a little, huh?

Uh, you’d whine it all-aloud if you could right now, but swear, it’s him! It’s all of him that gets in the way of all that!!! His flashy, blond mullet he’s placed a little effort in, and has clearly tried to get in place, but there’s that… that one strand that just recklessly won’t cooperate for-for no other reason but the sake of it!

His-his fine fingers he messed with most of the time, toying with that lighter.

His silver ring…

His smooth figure, most judged from those long legs, given the sitting position and-

and that leather jacket.

His looks so dern fine, you pick he’s a model for fun for narrative, and unarguably cover-worthy eye candy. He just lacks the tongue to his canine and a borderline implicit, quirky wink. But-but that’s how it is right now… you don’t doubt the idea, though; the range is there… That ‘made-up poster,’ you already see it in your head.

As for the time being, you break what felt like tearjerker eye contact by denying his eyes once again. Like something flipped the switch to insecure; likely it’s that the stare grew more intimate by the second. Or maybe you just became vulnerable to the conditions? Thankfully went sensitive and-and finally considered his ‘potential’ emotional state? But really, you—

you never intended to pursue anything when you made a move on him, and you—

And—and are only further nervous if your eyes might reveal something about you that you don’t even know what—FUCK, if they haven’t already, but—yeah, whatever that is… When his—

…when his have been everything transparent and listening—with that piece of hair in the way, making him, uh- just as sweet- as sultry. He’d narrow in and soften in habit depending on the pace of the convo and the things he could offer as a response, but other than that, for you—for you his eyes have been everything intimidating.

—

“Miserable?” You get back finally and after all those emotions inside of you have subliminally ‘described’ themselves in your fog of mind…

“No! No!” You follow up with a defense built on a fragile smile, brows up, and eyes that speak in a pout. “You just...”

His giggle comes out loud and endearing. An actual smile; and it’s one of those that you want to obsess over, but it’s not like he didn’t just catch you losing points when you were the one who teased first. Though it’s possible that your clumsy just reeled him in, as his eyes slowly travel down to your lips and... and they wait there.

They wait for your response as he repeats your last words like a hot reminder that you’ve fallen into a brief trance but- must still continue.

He lets on, “I? …Just?”

Uh, you hate that! You hate losing! You don’t like what he’s doing, either. It bothers you, where his eyes are at! And the giddy feeling they awake… Except you adore it. You—You don’t, though. Yet you

God, it’s just—it’s just

Whatever! Gulping all of that, you try stay on game. “You do look miserable!”

He smiles and his distracting teeth ease into his bottom lip

and you feel like he’s finally relaxed, and delved into a new world where he…

He knows he’s welcomed.

You don’t know how you know, or what reveals the truth, you just know that you know, and are simply happy to be that place for him. Though it’s gotta be something to do with the air and the way his warm energy winds all around you. Like he’s unafraid to let on that he likes your presence. Like when someone who accepts you as a friend and is easy to understand.

Much to his ‘miserableness,’ he arches a brow, teasing your change in sentiment, “Suddenly?”

You hug your knees tighter, assuming the felt sensation down your spine is done on behalf of the wind waltzing.

“Umm... I don’t know... I don’t know... Even if I don’t suppose it’s possible someone like you to end up here... being hurt I mean, but— And-and I’ve no clue the kind of relationship it is, but—but you do have this aura about you, as if you think about her all the time.” You pause on further reflection, then correct yourself. “I’m sorry! Them.”

“Her…” he corrects you in return. “I shouldn’t, though.”

You don’t know if the confession runs through you like a balm or a burn. On one hand he’s admitting he’s a yearner; on the other—you’re a dumb act to feel like this- this quickly but—but needy of that! You’re envying that he has feelings for someone else and wish they were for you instead. Total nutcase nonsense, but it’s where you find yourself being thrown at the moment, in the flux of all these emotions… You’d never have imagined yourself here but—Ah, guess what?

His fingers dig into his hair again and he frowns as he considers it more.

“Why’d you think that someone like me never gets hurt? …Or has it bad?”

“Mhmm…” you think to the sky, “You got me... I’d probably assume, ‘This pretty blondie ‘ss too pretty to be depressed.’ Or at least, that’s the gist of it, for the most part.”

“Mhmmm,” he echoes your song back. “You think I’m—”

You see his question, of course you do! That’s why-

that’s why you rush ahead even before P in ‘pretty’ is pronounced. You can’t get in more shit! Yes, he’s beautiful, but there’s likely a proper time and place for when he’s eventually receiving it for a compliment.

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to bother you... At all! Or poke my nose in a sensitive spot. I just—I was merely saying how I felt. And-and whether you should or shouldn’t think of her, that’s-that’s something you decide for you… As well the details of her, I—I don’t—

I don’t need to know anything.”

“It’s okay, we’re just talking,” he assures you, letting his adorbs dimple curve like a gentle comma as if demanding you to pause & absorb the cavity it does in his cheek instead.

And you do, you pause... Ughh, as if you’d want do something else…

You’d even go as far as to reach & fill ‘it’ in, but again, it remains not your moment.

You suppose it will disappear as swiftly as it’s arrived as if it were a warning to ‘Please, don’t poke my dimple ‘till I’m yours!’ And well... When he’s not, at all!! You two barely scratch surface, so why—WHY are you even feeling this way!!?

Still, he remains here, doesn’t he? He’s equally kept the chat alive and shown no signs of disinterest, so?

No, why is it hard to believe that maybe he—

“Then, what’s your story?” he asks finally, as if he can sense the group of doubts that suddenly launch a shootout on your lively spirit he was initially introduced to. “I suppose we’re comfortable enough now... Now that—that we know I’m screwed, if I asked and ‘assumed’ something about you too?” Giving off a playful “It’s only fair,” he rubs his chin.

Mmmh-yeah... That’d be just! Only he doesn’t know you got it just as bad... You’re just as fucked! And are just as tragic as he, having an exact tragic night! The only thing about this is you get to be pathetic together; that’s really all there is to it…

“Why are you here?”

Rolling your eyes, you scoff at the question; the ugly reaction precedes the achieved warm atmosphere, and the cynic smirk you share is, too, full of something, something not nice either. It’s tinged dark, like dire disbelief mostly aimed at yourself... Hurt has a cascading effect, and your dominoes are all in line, waiting for the first to fall- but

...you’ll pull them back if necessary! Can’t have this moment be defined by your inability to handle past wounds, because—Because this moment belongs to him! Gosh, it belongs to you too! For what’s worth, you deserve it! You deserve some–

Sighing, you ease off the burden as you look up at the sky. “Isn’t it obvious?” And sure, it has its edge again, but it’s also a blade u twist inwards.

“Very… You love to smoke, and you want to do it alone... Out and away from your friends... Isolating... Being one with the elements.”

You turn, “Is that what you’d assume?” & catch that fuckass outline of his side profile as he too seems to have tuned in on the sky.

“Well…” he hesitates, keeping search on the absent stars. “Mostly.”

As he considers it more, an audible slurp is made by him rolling his lip between his teeth; then he decides, “Yeah, I guess, that’s what I’d assume.”

“Aaand,” you test, “what if I’m not here with friends?”

Oh, wo—The question completely freezes him out as if in a skit, then he shoots you the rapid glance like the antics of the skit’s wackiest hero. His uncomfy smile... his doe eyes…

that exaggerated expression of a scene-stealing shock hitting him as he figures your implication, make you want to reach out and hold him in like a plushie!!!

“I—” he struggles, “I’ll feel uncomfortable if—”

“If I say I’m with a man?” You cut straight, sparing him the thinking.

It’s YUM... seeing his thick brows knit in a naive: ‘I don’t know... I don’t want to be the person th—’ take on the trip of his corrupt thoughts...

His whiskers turning confident, & his calculated blinks as he’s realizing he holds the advantage?? Then- in with the switch to humor? OH,

“Ah,” he shrugs, “then I got to spend more time with his girlfriend than he is.”

Yikes! It goes the first pang; your heart flowers. He throws in a silly “I’m sorry” after he—

After he’s teased! And oh, whoa, surprise, it gets no shit done!

You smile, but crap, you’re nervous!

And suddenly, you’ve got your index curled, and your teeth graze the knuckle, and you… You’re inside it: “You’re cute.”

It takes a heartbeat to set in before you—you realize you called him both pretty and cute in the span of a few lines... How-

how embarrassing... What a—What a—Yeah! YEAH, you take no second but use the same hand to shy away of what you said, covering your lips.

“But—uh- Though I’m with friends,” you start, and in mistake!

Plus recalling ‘the reason’ makes your ‘spirit chip,’ just as it did just moments ago. “Honestly… I couldn’t spend another minute inside, so I got out.”

“Too loud?”

Guiding your fingers to the back of your neck, you try soothe the tension away and begin to ‘put names’ to the motives at hand.

“Anything, really. Suffocating… Overwhelming… Too Reflective. Toxic even.”

“Oh, wow,” he cuts in, “Too much for you(?)”

Being neither on the line of question nor statement, but sure, it’s a fact, so you force another sad smirk and reason, “Does it show I’m also miserable?”

“A little,” he giggles.

“Mmmmh...” the soft hum smiles of your lips as you nod while your fingers continue on&around your cords, caressing off that extra strain.

“And the cigarettes are your escape?”

“Look, I know many say this, but—I’m really not a regular smoker. I only do it when I’m super nervous... Anxious, or whatever you want to call it. But— That’s something you’d know already, right? That lighter on you proves me you’ve either smoked in the past, or… As you said… It’s been given to you… meaning she smoked. Either way, you’re familiar with the philosophy of smoking, and the types of smokers one way or another.”

He moves his jaw around; perhaps the attitude was once more too blunt(?) And clearly chooses to -totally- overlook the latter part of your comment, which would clearly tie him to his whatever-can-be-called ex girlfriend, he asks, “Why’d you smoke at the moment?”

“You really want to know?”

He breathes, & it creates a fragile line between his brows. There’s something so… so dangerously real in the way he deeply, “I do.”

It’s like a love you’ve waited lifetimes for. Like—Like it wants to touch every crooked fold in your being and imprint a sliver of his light on your darkness. Like he’s ripping off the bandage you’ve placed over your heart so…so carefully…

Oh, but you were promised love before, and it’s all a lie. That prospect is a lie! That war is over! Now— Now you rarely believe in stars connecting souls, or-or that a red thread brings strangers together. But—

But

You sigh, “Okay!”

But again,

it bursts in on itself! It-it just keeps feeding on what remains of-of that empty void your past person carved out in your chest with the blade of betrayal. So…

So you have to—you’ve to always give yourself a moment to disentangle ‘their’ memory from your answers…

“I’m… I’m not in the greatest mind space either... And now, the club and everything.”

“Becausee… of someone?”

Uh, you notice the lazy detail in his voice… It’s like he’s giving you all the space you need, that he’s cozy enough to wait until you decide you want to say something again. And it lights you, again, the thought of how long he would if that were the case.

“Because of someone,” you smile, lazying your way in your response too, “... Yes.”

And for a heartbeat… his-

his smile and eyes tango with yours. And you wish he were closer when he,

“Him?” Then in, slowly and entirely, his eyes move to your lips. “Them?”

Fuck… the distance... Fuck it!

You brain practically shrinks as he lingers down there, on your lips, insensitive; that your bottom one adopts its own heartbeat! You’d pull a smoke, but it’s no time for cigarettes... And he’s figuratively doing nothing. Figuratively doing nothing! He’s breathing. Waiting. But you can’t help but fall victim to that oh,

“Mmmh,” you murmur. “Him.”

“Soo…” he draws conclusion, “We are mutually miserable on this fine night(?)”

A giggle precedes you, “You call this a fine night!??”

“What’s wrong with it? Other it was supposed to rain, then it didn’t. Then—the temperature just dropped, then— And we… We can’t stop thinking about the people who hurt us! See, it’s all fin—”

A steal show;

the sky flashes as anger swallows the ‘dark,’ & the thunderous strike ‘chops’ his ‘fine’ in half. Stroke of electric death or stroke of life, it honestly boils to what you want it to be. Still, in the stillness that follows, you bear the weight, shaken slightly of the cruel breeze that sweeps the entirety of the narrow alley.

“Um, Sorry, what a—” he rises abruptly. “Want to have my jacket?”

“No need to,” you wave your hand. “Thank you, I’m fi—”

OR! duration in which he’s already removed it, stepped in, and is now draping it over your shoulders. The offer—NO, not even being a question of choice apparently, as he’s made it his mission!

You go frantic, just like a deer in the middle of the road, though he’s already made it to your shoulders. The warmth that accompanies his dimpled smile spreads across your face as you look him up…

Pulsating throbs of your heart as ‘your’ two frictions force reaction—his gentle hand taking careful time brushing your bare shoulder. His touch alone is birthing so-many-more goosebumps than the night is; you’re only left hoping he thinks it’s only the temperature.

When-

when he’s letting you know you two are at a temperature of comfort and capability!!!

“—Fine,” you finish. Taking in a gulp, snugging it better, your hair stays caught beneath the leather. & it’s instantly felt… the embrace. Not only from the jacket but from the kindness he’s so far shown you.

“Thank you,” you do so gently,

because no more is needed…

...because he’s sat way closer to you than he’s before, and now…

even only whispering will do!

Now…

You’re sat so close, you can catch the roots in the blonde suggest a natural hue that’s perhaps been bleached in a ‘riot’ or a ‘change’ and a ‘move on.’ Though there’s something more out of place, like—

Like the visible manifestation of his, too, perhaps, shyness.

It tones... It colors the porcelain corners of his ears so openly. Involuntary, just as stimuli… Another prospect, you gather; the fact he’s palpably soft-skinned... Likely sensitive in parts of his body that haven’t been ‘lovingly’ ‘rubbed raw by real touch.’ Or…

or a further ‘foretaste’ really, of those times and those things possible when he’s not shy... Of-

of the extent this blush could go… if

Fuck! For what else could exert such dilation but the fact he’s touched you?

Either he’s blushing because his heart doesn’t have an ego or… Or because he likes you, even if a tiny bit. In any case, this ‘blushing miscommunication’ buys into your heartspace without payment. And you’d shoo him out of there but-

your excitement escapes the undersurface as you smile to yourself.

And—

It. doesn’t. go. by. him!! Reaching for ‘what’ you just gatekept, he,

“What?”

Those succulent dimples…

Denying him your insane thoughts, all… ALL of which involve him, you close your eyes, wave your head and shrug your shoulders underneath the funny, kissing feeling of his jacket.

“Nothing.”

And quite the nocturne of buildout, the way the lightning isn’t only in the sky but in the corner of your eye too. Flickering, followed by the roll of another thunder, it crashes boldly, as above, so inside.

‘This texture’ of his engulfs you, and perhaps you’re here, and nothing else matters, & nothing more needs to be said… or asked, but

…as some have said,

‘the arrow endures the bowstring’s tension so that in the release it can become more than itself.’

And curiosity, deeper engagement… energy, all beg to be released…

The minute silence is so still it’s violent;

The right, prolonged stare you both share, taps in the same frequency; your words coming in synchrony:

“What did he do to you?”

“What did she do to yo—”

—

The tides turn a bit; his voice dips a chord darker, a bit provoked but still in appetite,

“You said you weren’t interested.”

“I know I did, but—” you look to your feet, subdued. His masculine push intertwines with your guilt to tighten your belly, and you have to actually swallow the feel that comes with having a change of heart before you give your voice a gut.

“...Maybe now I am.”

“What changed?”

You shrug, but you know your reason. Yes, you wanted to know why he’s hurting at any point; it’s just that you want to know now more than you did before.

“Either way,” he reasons, “I asked you first.”

You dwell on it, stuck on the metal manhole right in the middle of the alley road, and it’s like… the more you think over the right words, the more you sense from the edge of your eye like he’s struggling to slim his smile into a serious thinking pout, but- like- like he’s going to be there, and he’s going to smile, no matter what you’ll say.

“I loved him too much,” you ultimately admit, “it scared him away.”

“So… A coward?”

“I mean…” you scoff, “It’s alright... I just had to accept it as it is… It’s fine not to be so equally in love with somebody,”

somebody being you,

“and then, actually have the guts to tell them. It’s better that way, I suppose.”

He tilts in a bit- to get you to stop looking at the ground and at him!

“Was he that way?”

You come silent. Actually! on second thought, not only did ‘he’ tell you he didn’t love you, but he went on and did the worst thing possible… Taking in ‘his’ shame, which you shouldn’t, you barely mumble, “No, I guess...”

“You guess!?” he reacts impulsively. “So, he cheated on you?”

Again, his plainness goes to where it shouldn’t and you shoot him an irate look before...

before you take a breath and-

“Yes.”

“That’s not only a coward, but a jerk.”

Your irate look?? Likely just sharpens.

You know it does, cause your frown lines etch themselves deeper into your skin, and you’re gritting your teeth.

“Sorry, I—I don’t mean t—I didn’t,” he stutters, “I—um, hurt you, I mean.”

These, these ‘Why are you frowning at me?’ eyes of his, this-this ‘What did I do?’

“I don’t want to make you remember something you—”

“You’re not!” You interrupt… then-then close your eyes and hold your nose.

Temper... temper... Don’t lose your temper! This isn’t exactly fight or flight, and he’s exactly the one to be angry at! It’s- just— talking. Sigh... And rage isn’t exactly evil; it’s grief with nowhere to go… It’s love that’s been… That’s been left in the cold.

And the gap he leaves isn’t loud; it’s just that he.. is… careful. again.

He draws his legs in and rests his elbows on his knees. It’s like he weaves his words in a perceptive, quiet guise before he even-

he even lets them into the air. He is—he’s that considerate…

“I am… I’m getting to you… or at least some part of you that loved him, or still does.”

[Pang!]

You gulp.

Your heart blushes at the first declare; actually, TF?? ‘I’m getting to you.’

!??What-WHAT is that even?

It certainly scratches a part of your brain, as you repeat it. Though you know what he means by it; that he’s probably upsetting you the more he’s reaching, but—

‘Yes! Yes! You’re getting to me!!’

AAAaaa!! and a frown can only last so long till it becomes a smile!!! And biting it again, you wave your head, but uh

Boyish, warm, curious, “What?”

A slow reprise. You watch him. He watches you.

“...Nothing.”

It’s everything!

Lovestruck and silly.

A silly game…

and you’re playing it,

with him.

You’re clenching your fists into the lapels of his jacket, and every skin on your arms prickles. The warmth in your face hasn’t left in over a hot minute… ‘Is this safe?’

His flirtatious quiet and shy, yet toothy smile, makes all feel love.

So, how—How could that not ensnare you in an awful trap of trying to dissect him and determine what he’s made of and what fuels him!???

“And her?”

“Her!?” He squints as if trying his memory of the last page you two were on, then,

“She was—

She was too much. She…

She was everything but mine… Everything else. And— gradually she was starting to shape me into something I’m not. And I simply couldn’t pretend to be the perfect person she wanted me to be, I’m not the type... It began to feel manipulative… the whole thing. Although I only started to realize that— and her intentions… way too late. Because I was too blind falling in love with her.”

You—YOU JUST DON’T SEE IT! So your senses storm: ‘Motherfucker, you’re perfect! What else—What else could she—’

yet instead,

“Ouch,” you act, placing a hand over your heart to simulate the pain. “Your storys kinda awful too.”

“Kinda,” he hums; his charm melting off his lips like ice cream on a hot summer day right off the cone as he teases in the question, “See why I’m miserable?”

“I can totally see,” you give your ‘honest’ and bring to toy your thumb to cut over your bottom lip as if in deep thought. “She sucked the life out of you... Like—

like you’re desperate! …You’re full of yearning.”

He chuckles, bobbing softly. “Should never forgive her for that.”

“You learn fast.”

He hesitates a bit, flirting and keeping you on the edge, “... I don’t.”

OOOF!

He shouldn’t be there! This blond, chocolate-eye shouldn’t have the authority to wind up in your stomach, but he did just that!! With his fucking voice… And his fucking face… With his fucking

He’s got you to smile for him soo bad! He’s-He’s gotten you so much—

OH, HE’S sending your chemicals outta wack!! Giirl, get up!!

You feel like falling in love with him off of it... his smile. But—his interest is still so irreconcilable!! True, he urged you into a constant giddy chat, and a steady eye contact, but once the silence returns, so does reality… It-it just feels too intimate, too demanding, too—

—

You try pulling from that dream again, getting cozy, hugging your legs more to your chest and resting your chin on your knees.

Wondering if the hot crush would just glide off like everything love-like has glided off on you in the past, you start & ‘try’ shapes on the asphalt.

You set yourself for a little challenge, that’s to ignore him! Just forget he’s there till he decides he’s had it with you, or—or till your friends are finished inside & are ready to go. Just place him out of this scene; pretend he’s invisible; pretend you don’t wish to—

Ah, not only he’s right there with you, he sifts closer, to where your bodies touch, to where

The amber light of the street lamp so delicately falls onto the stream of hot veins along his hand as he reaches down for the ground too…

However, what his ‘exploration of the shared ground-space’ means is ‘a way to another justified contact.’ This phoney, ‘unaware’ ‘skin meeting skin,’ as his hand occasionally brushes off of yours...

But what’s guilty though, are the risks in the intimacy of imagining his hand on yours… or comparing it to yours...

Of your palms pressed together. Of his hand on your skin. Of his hand on more of you… And then?

His hands as plural!

Of his irradiated touch, and how it melts your mind…

Really, all cycling back to the thought and the ache for, the time and the place when he’s not—

…when every motion of his fingers perfectly crafts a sin.

And—yeah, yeah—that’s an unfair way to view him right now, but- you’ve also had your two drinks, and he’s been—

It’s so unfair!! because you can’t work more through tonight’s pain with someone like him; it makes you feel bad since he’s hurting too. It’s beyond simply finding comfort in someone’s warmth & serenity, & asking for more emotional depth would be just baseless, because-because

It’s hard to accept, but-

...you’re just lonely, and he’s the first to touch your loneliness… That doesn’t mean you get to expect things from him, however; you lack that right! He’s merely someone who-

who let you light your cigarette, & the rest is—

NO! It’s really unfair- to think of him in this way- but you SWEAR it’s something in his rude vanilla hair and its uncertain length. Something in that chaotic strand that curves over his forehead forming him a heart shape… In the way his ends flirt with his nape, playing for your pull... Something in his multi-core voice, and the way its notes slip across your skin and sink into your pores.

His collapsing cheekbones…

His vibrating giggles.

His bruising ears.

The way his eyes would not move from you.

The way he’s kept the spell, locked.

His blueness he’s shared with you.

His ‘honeyed self’ that’s gotten you more and more ‘stuck’ every time he’s spoken or done something, so now—

You swear all these combine and grind hard!! to give him romance! He could just decide now to stroke a finger down the land of your inner arm, sketching roses, and it’d be just another typical aspect of the

Abruptly,

he peels your hand off of the concrete & gently lays the back of it inside his palm.

His eyes search yours as if to bring your focus on what he’s about to do in advance of his fingertip slowly starting to trace letters on the tender surface of your love line, life line, and fate line in

‘C A N I K I S S U ?’

The drag is endless…

…then he lifts his puppy eyes to look at you, and the magic felt is telling you so much.

Caught between being the sweetest angel and the sweet fear of having just made himself vulnerable, you feel like exhaling dandelions each time he blinks, dreading your answer. How come this one wounded creature could be so astonishingly cute!?

This—This stranger whose name you don’t even know and whom you seem to have loved before you met... This-this man of your fantasies, whom you waited for, and now that he has your hand in his—YOU JUST WANT TO YANK HIM IN and embrace eternally. You can stay locked in his dreamy, passionate arms and absorb his artful and phenomenal ways!

Save, you also can be a lil cheeky too! You want him to play the goof a tiny bit more, so you make him wait!

You make him wait, & the seconds play off of his uncertainty so messily. He’s so fluffy- as you act all confused like you didn’t catch what he just wrote…

“What!?”

He gnaws on his cheek; he knows you’re about the fun; he lets you. His lips flatten, keeping the giddy, and his fingers curl over your knuckles and intertwine with your hand from behind.

Charmed, your fingers press over his. With no real distance, ‘you can taste his breath as much as you can feel it…’

His tone drips like a smooth, smoky drink, all whisper, “Can I kiss you?”

You wished it; still, you glance away. You inhale. You take a moment before facing h—

What the hell, “Sure.”

What could go wrong? You’re probably never going to see him again, so,

“Why not(?)”

He smirks thru his hot bite and motions forward to kill the gap; the anticipation, however, naturally makes you close your eyes. And it’s what you can only describe as suspense; you just feel him moving, changing the air to a minty breath as you ‘imagine’ his lips open a touch.

You get the complete tingle, and then there’s the complete contact... His nosetip presses against yours in what you assume is ‘last chance permission,’ forcing your eyes open, so you just then find yourself with only one path in sight, one you can’t come back from, one that is his lips, his lips, his thick bottom lip!

And, the only ‘wait’ now, is only him, etching ‘this,’ ‘near his heart,’ and yours too.

This moment… this bit in the universe… you. Someone new and unfamiliar.

Because just now, neither of you knows how the other tastes… or the way you’ll individually sigh after you touch each other to your bones.

And,

he’s not clustering any courage to have a deep feel anymore; his moist lips rest on yours; he knows he’s separated you from anything that doesn’t connect you solely to him.

“What kind of kiss…” he slides his fucked smile over your lips, “do you want it to be?”

The rush, from your brain- to your throat- to your tongue- to your lips???

Is this looooong wait going to be worth it!??

Yes, a kiss is a sentence.

It’s art... It’s an exploration to discover more than what’s already there. An exploration for something more than this.

…And he’s silly, and the push of your dominoes will be his exact boyish nature.

You shrug, digging your nails into your fist to make sure it’s all real.

“You don’t know?” he teases.

“Just a kiss,” you breathe, “A simple kiss. That’s all I-”

The rest of your words are lost ag— His lips curl to yours as he enclose over your mouth like a puzzle piece fitting in place and closes slightly to interlock.

The slow, lingering first kiss, right? The one it helps you understand something about the other person, right?

Well, with his honesty and melancholy, that’s the type of kiss he can offer you tonight, to your preference or not. And it’d be your own doing, your own foolishness for falling for such a stranger, mysterious and hurt, thinking he needs to prove something to himself…

—

You don’t need to tell him what you want in a kiss,

your lips take in each other in a fragile way, and they know! The tone is nothing fierce, but soft and uncomplicated. Side these unnerving sounds of breathy sighs and lip-smacking you both carefully lay in each other’s mouths... on purpose.

Then it’s all about pace;

the angle at which he tilts his head;

the first time he slides down your chin, and you let his upper lip in;

the moment your tongues touch;

his first moan.

And only then, what starts in hesitation swells with possession.

The untamed of human nature... The notion of being the first, even if you aren’t the first, is... intoxicating. Wanting to show you if not everything he knows how… everything that’s—

...next, he’ll be taking you boldly and without warning close to him.

His fingers trace the edge of your jaw, and you can feel the galaxies ripple beneath his touch. “Do I“ he breathes, his fuller lip dragging across yours, “Do I press harder?”

OR, ‘lips that have built the design, will now tear it!!’

At worst, the lightning goes equally in the sky as the question & you whimper even before you have a chance to react differently! Humiliating, your sensitive boils over,

“Yeahh,” you plead.

His wet, “Yeah?”

Very…

His teeth serve the introduction, sinking into your bottom lip, and then he slides his hand in, his fingertips dig at the soft skin just behind your ear and his palm locks your cheek. What it really does is, easy coerce you into giving in—helps him pry your mouth open so obscenely so his tongue can reach deeper.

Your ears perk as a hard moan escapes you from someplace disgustingly forgotten, a sound that should drive wild anyone with working hormones...

He’s pure heaven to touch tongues with!

Ensnaring you... softly but aggressively, as the sweetness of lustful saliva lubricates. Likely some of your cig breath catches onto his lungs, as his minty taste contrasts with your ‘occasional’ habit. Or a sensational exchange that feels very used to; you’ve both been here before; felt it; done it, yet not entirely like this, because he—

…kissing a complete stranger—

…exactly kissing him—

He’s got your hot face in his palm, and the frequency, is the rate…

Of having a matching heartbeat, and each heartbeat’s a thunderclap.

Of slutty rising noises as your lips start to feel baked, catching smoke in the fire of his lips. It’s like he’s on a mission to find every weak spot that makes you gasp in his mouth just a little bit harder... a little bit louder, and a little bit more needier…

And he’s swallowing every sound, believe… Just as his moans escape him in time for your kiss to catch them. The anchor’s getting dripped, chain link after chain link, after- plummeting deep.

The kiss turns hard, like every flash in the sky rages from your arc. Like, fuck, his own need for destruction those couple of months is perhaps now being taken out on you! But you don’t want him—

‘Stop... Oh my god, don’t stop!!’

Bloods races the pleasure center, & your brains beyond dissolved; otherwise, it’d take you a moment to understand your next action…

…The pads of your fingers taking on the cutting of his jaw…

…your nails digging into his face...

Think-think, trashing a canvas! How dar—

Actually, it’s what tosses you over ecstasy’s edge, the fact you’re touching him where you shouldn—

“Pleease!!”

“Please what?” he smirks against your lips, his voice muffled in deprived hue! JUST unneeded!!

“I don’-don’t know!” You whine, frustrated, stimulated.

Yesss... yes, Do you want it worse? ’cause you got his face tight, and everything slipping out of control could easily get a whole lotta hotter. But-but

you aren’t his, and he-

he isn’t yours, and—

It cuts! Whatever that was, it gets cut.

Your temple rests against his, and you’ve got your eyes closed, waiting for the embarrassed strain of really, whatever that was, really, to ease before you can face him again. Though-

though you continue to hold his face, even after your eyes meet his again in the dim light.

...His face structure,

...his face structure, his face structure—and your hand as the measuring tool!

His sleek lips puffed from all the rub, painted in your lip product, looking miserably—

His rosy, now not only ears, but fucking cheeks.

It’s like he’s been through a war; he’s unaware, & you want to giggle, but you bite down. again!

Your thumb and index, however, disappear into something as you hold him. On each side, they sink into the most tender skin, the most tender tender you’ve ever touched, ever known, ever—

The gift-the

stops your heart…

You-

He chuckles softly at your reaction… infuriating, confusing you-you

“Did you feel something?”

You-

you take the question for a pause! pulling away for air and waiting for whatevers heavy on your throat to drop... He’s disarranged you! with his mouth; with what he’s crammed and left of him in there, in you; with his dimples, with his—

but you still tug on the corner of your lip and lie. “No?”

Tsk tsk… You play too much...

Not that it’s a lie, either. It’ll take time to rip ‘either of them’ entirely from your hearts and lives. And the kiss just tested on that; on whether the two of you are still emotionally led by these abusers of your love. People you loved but turned out careless with your hearts. While one didn’t know how to handle so much of it, the other wanted something different entirely, so much they didn’t know what they wanted in the end.

His mouth forms that delectable shape it does, “No?”

You slowly shake your head… Whether you’re lying or not… He—

“Then,” he looks down, his brow lifts rather critically as he spins the ring on his finger, “...that must mean we’re still bound to them.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mmmmh,” lingers intentionally as he gives the ring another allusive turn and rubs the space near the knuckle. Then slow and deliberate with his words, he tries again; his lashes lazily flick up from the ring at you, following the question’s tempo, “Wanna try again?”

But damn, if anything, you see his lowered stare as an attack! His submission is almost insulting;

‘We can always try again’ shines over his eyes, like a mirror glaze on a chocolate cake. He’s starved you with his eyes! like you’d never be free of that stare or him ever again.

And your dragging out a simple answer has him stilling inappropriately so close! His breath, everything invasive, harasses your face, persuading your body in ways you can’t escape.

And it all comes to a pinnacle,

as lightning knocks the whole fucking sky out! Forked, hot-white, from sky to earth, and there’s no going back; you feel it; you know it! Your eyes on him, his on yours... Breathing... Watching... Tired of waiting.

No hesitation; no doubt stands in between. The thunder supervenes, demanding you not to veer away, and his hand slides through your hair again, his fingertips digging in at the back of your head like 5 needles so u’d feel the intensity of his claim as he pulls you

You—

you don’t need to answer!

His lips crash against yours, sore, way softer. His tongue slavers, unashamed, pressing eagerly into every nook. A sorta kiss it pulls your breath from your soul. So much lip friction; so much touch; your mouths merge into a dance so slick—slipping and sliding in perfect sync.

His other arm seamlessly circles you, wrapping around you just below your ribcage and gathers you against him. So much your body overfills with every emotion possible, you start to ball your fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against you as he groans softly, low in his throat.

So much desperation, as if there is no time for kissing, but he wants you to know that in the future, there will be… A kiss in so much loneliness, like a hand pulling you up out of the water, scooping you up from a place of drowning and into the reckless abundance of air. He—

He’s got your past ‘distresses’ of weeks and weeks disappear!

And your next guttural moan consumes you in shame of itself as his teeth all suddenly fall into the soft skin of your burning neck. Then all quick, replaced by his tongue stabbing over… suckling hard… yet biting again.

Pain equals pleasure; pleasure is pain; the feeling is…

absolute.

And the idea... of him indulging you there... where all your most vital veins are, one of the tenderest areas, the passage between your head and your heart—taking in your weak skin between his teeth but- ‘enough-precise’ not to leave a bruise, for there’s likely a time and a—

dragging his nose along the slope; licking the perfume across ur collarbone; just making you ache for more, making you need the dampness; making you—

Unmaking you.

And as he comes up again, ‘shying’ in your hair, nibbling at your earlobe, you’re in much of a hold of a deeeep breath, not able to let it out for shit! All‘s just... CAUGHT! A long ‘fuuuuck,’ would explain you somehow, but you realize you’re still in public, and he’s still a man out of a dream who-

who just appeared from nowhere!

Worse, as it’s like all your fuckass restraint spurs him on!!

“You.. Are…” he leads on, his smile tickling your ear with the worst goosebumps. And it’s just that, a cuntass lead-on! His breath hot in your ear… His dark hue of a voice rubbing your ears- like without worry of kink... when—

“It’s insane… to me… I still haven’t got your name... You make me fight so much for it.”

Or, making your eyes shut-close as something ‘Baby’ convulses across you, and down! He’s not finished with it, but his dirty smirk has!!

OH, fucking, RIGHT! HIS NAME!!! …Your name!

It hits you! And you squeeze your eyes shut harder at the whirlwind of all the sorts ecstatic.

And they stay closed! They stay closed until you feel him tuck some of your hair behind your ear, and you-you jerk at the motion. Really, jerk at the motion!

The no-consent action, even if the most subtle, after all the indelicate you two just did, feels… yeah, you don’t know but— inexplicably… big. Immense. A pause on itself. Like all the anticipation and nerves are finally coming to their end, or maybe… their start(?)

With the ‘stormy’ foreplay, standing at its peak…

With the breeze fading away, it immediately becomes… warm.

With the lightning and thunder fighting each other out in the darling desert sky…

And in comes the calm… With the rain,

as small silvery raindrops start to fall on him… on you… on everything all around.

Your eyes start to blink at the sight of him as the droplets begin to form pace. Looking at his attractive cheeks, now a wreck, and his fuller lips—just evidence of how hot things become… Of what they help create... Of

...Of the rude foreshow, just out of reach... of the times and the places when he’s not—

Right!! Your name!

…Which then he matches with that delectable shape of his mouth you noticed he loves to do,

“Jaehyun.”

It enkindles your flirty lipbite, easily! And you go and do the same he’s done you—

smoothing his ruffled blond hair and tucking it behind his ear like a cutie!

A timeless beauty... SURE! You see how he could be a muse and how someone would want to write about him unconditionally.

You smile at the thought... then try his name & tune in to the way it sounds when you say it.

“Jae-hyun.”

Mmm, definitely giving him a pace he can work with… being the bobbing returns. Along his soft hum, along that deep blink... But in the next moment, it’s—

it’s like in the next moment you surprise him. Only it’s just the rain’s fault for getting harder, as you peel his jacket off your shoulders and hand it back as you rise to your feet,

and it’s like he sees no alternative and goes and does the same.

You get over ‘the hand back’ with the feeling like his fingers scrape past yours in the hopes of gaining more; like so much is communicated only through your eyes and a touch. Yet, you two are at a way-apart distance, like at the beginning when he rose to light your cigarette, and the gap just helps you put into perspective just how bodily-close you were actually to him all this time, just seconds ago.

This sculpt of a man…

that’s getting gradually more drenched…

And who barely takes half-a-step to be inside your space. again.

By literally pulling you in in a new, unexplored way—his hand grabbing your waist and,

and intentionally or not, driving your top up for a real-skin performance as his fingers roughly meld into you.

Corrupt, is the word.

So much, it makes you wonder who’s more firm—JUST who’s more insistent, him or the rain.

And at worst, it’s a killer transition—him slightly looming over you; really, Jaehyun’s ‘just-ripped’ cockiness, LOOMING over you.

He just stares, and smiles, and holds your waist tighter... So much! it makes you wonder what’s going to happen next.

So much the rain starts to feel heavy on his hair, and as a droplet drips from one of its ends onto your forehead, your lashes flutter in an whole obnoxious bodyshiver...

It trickles down your face-It trickles down your face and it ripples something basic, something primal... But so much, it sends you spiralling faster as his eyes dare down to you.

The sensuality ruins your layers; strokes your tummy, and makes your fingers curl in stress of whether you should reach for him and touch or not.

So much it unnerves you, but it’s the kinda unnerve where is beautiful.

Where now,

is he,

who gets to sit with his thoughts in his little boy grin, and your only fret is, ‘What’s wro—

A reprise, of a sweet reprise, of a—

“What?”

“Nothing,” he smiles, lowering himself down to you; his rain lips hovering in front of your rain lips, “I was just wondering how much I’ll have to fight for something more.”

“Like?”

He smirks, tongue in cheek, “You.”

The whole of you!?

“...A lot.”

“MHHMMM…”

“You like that?” you mess a bit more, in a deep low.

“Do, you,” he assures you, planting a playful kiss an inch away from your mouth,

cruel on the fact he’s sending your sensations for a run on another mile.

“...Don’t hold back.”

Then pulls just a bit, just as silly rolling his eyes,

“Okay… maybe as long as nothings done behind my back.”

—

Whatever, baby, sure! Let’s make fun on our wounds. Fuck around and find out. Touch, and figure it out.

#nct #jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun fanfic #nct fanfic #nct 127 #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #nct angst #nct fluff #nct x you #nct x reader #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x reader #nct 127 x reader #jaehyun nct

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anashins · 7 months ago

Text

Pairing: lawyer!Jaehyun x divorcée!reader

Genre: age gap, drama, romance, smut

Word Count: 24k

Summary: Jaehyun has a ruthless, cruel and not so legal way of getting his clients everything they want out of their divorce. After all, to do the job right, a lawyer like him is not supposed to believe something like 'love' exists in the first place. That is until he meets his next client who also has a not so legal way of creeping right into his heart and make him question all his morals.

A/N: Man, I miss Jaehyun :( D-541

“I want to divorce my husband.”

Jaehyun hadn’t spared you, the young woman who had been following him since the lobby, a single glance, purposefully ignoring every word you were trying to direct at him as he walked hurriedly and steadily to the elevators.

He was already running late that morning thanks to a fight with the parking attendant since apparently, his permission for the parkade had run out last night. And now, an annoying woman blocking the elevator doors after he had gotten in and hindering Jaehyun from reaching his office’s floor was a bit of a stretch at this ungodly hour. Eventually, he couldn’t ignore your existence anymore.

“Move,” he demanded, annoyed.

“I won’t,” you objected.

Pressing the ‘close’-button over and over again, Jaehyun rolled his eyes at your perseverance as not even the heavy doors hitting your arms could chase you away. He stared at you, observing the persistence mirrored in your eyes as you pushed the doors aside again. He silently gave you credit for that.

“I want to divorce my husband,” you said again. “And I need you to successfully do so!”

Jaehyun let his eyes wander as you had piqued his interest ultimately. Your stubborn spirit reminded him a little bit of himself. But only a little bit. He examined you thoroughly. You were dressed elegantly in a pencil skirt, blouse and high heels. No wrinkles in your clothes, hair tidily pulled out of your face, not a strand out of order. You dressed like the average woman approaching him for his help: trophy wives in their thirties up to fifties, trapped in a marriage that was falling apart for always one and the same reason,

the lack of love.

In these kinds of marriages, mutual love rarely existed anymore. It was the same pattern again and again: The woman went blindly and head over heels in love into the marriage and throughout time, got frustrated with their lives as their marriage turned out entirely different from what they had imagined. The husband was almost never at home, business was always more important, and rarely did a case not involve cheating.

A person who had once been a naive woman in love had usually changed into a vengeful wife who wanted to take her husband to the cleaners by the time they consulted Jaehyun’s law firm. After all, they didn’t believe in love anymore, and that was why his job was so easy, and even a little bit of fun.

But there was one difference that made you stand out significantly from all of his past clients, Jaehyun silently remarked to himself as his gaze stopped on your face: You were young. So, so young.

“Divorce your husband?” he repeated your words. “Aren’t you too young to be married for long enough yet?”

Your expression darkened, but he took it as a challenge. It wouldn’t be the first time he clashed with a potential client. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t be a successful case for him if his client wouldn’t start hating him at some point - and then preaching him to the heavens when he got them all they had asked for in the process, and more.

“Do you want this case or not?” you retorted. “I promise, you won’t regret it.”

Jaehyun raised a brow. Straightforward and witty. He hadn’t expected that from an early twenty-something. Perhaps, he should pay weight to your words, the fact that he wouldn’t regret it. Judging by your age alone, there was surely more to the story, and he was curious to get under the surface of it all.

Jaehyun removed his hand from the ‘close’-button while simultaneously a moment of relief flashed through his face - along with a grin.

The door stayed open as he asked, “How long have you been married for?”

“Two and a half years.”

That was nothing.

“Is there a prenup?”

“Yes.”

As always.

“What’s your husband’s name?”

You hesitated.

In a lot of cases, Jaehyun knew his client’s spouses just by their name. Wives of CEOs, chairmen, actors, doctors, politicians, investors … they all came to him.

“Kang Seungmin.”

Jaehyun almost visibly took in an exasperated breather.

“Kang Seungmin who is related to the Aewha Group?”

You nodded. “His older brother is the CEO.”

Pause.

“Be here tomorrow, 8am.”

____

You remembered the day you got married like it was yesterday.

You weren’t wearing your dream wedding dress.

Your dress was a designer that your husband’s mother had picked out. It had been too voluminous, too heavy, and it hadn’t suited your style at all. Your makeup had made it hard for you to recognize yourself and they had put too many extensions in your hair. But that was what they had wanted you to look like - and you had complied.

It wasn’t your dream wedding venue.

It had taken place at the Shilla Hotel and you hadn’t had any say in the decoration, it was all white and beige when you had wanted sprinkles of purple, your favorite color. The cake was vanilla flavored when you had wanted blueberry, and the program had involved a choir, not a band. But that was what they had wanted the reception to be like - and you had complied.

Your friends and family weren’t there.

You hadn’t known a single person at the wedding except for your future husband’s family. When you had been sitting there, feeling lonely and left out, there was no one you could have turned to, no familiar and friendly face. Your guests were all only business partners and your new family’s friends - and you had complied.

You had never felt so lonely in your life like on the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But you had complied with everything, because you had been so, so in love.

And what was left of that now?

“So, Mrs. Kang,” Mr. Jeong started the next morning after you had appeared in front of his office at 8am sharp. “After you have filled out all the information about you and your husband, I just want to know one thing…”

“Which is…?”

You hoped he didn’t notice how you kept your shaking legs in place with your palms pressing on top of your thighs. You knew exactly what was coming and you were prepared for that, but it always made you nervous, regardless of how many times someone would bring this topic up. And it happened almost every time.

“What is it that you’re after?”

You were confused. That wasn’t what you had expected. “Pardon me?”

The lawyer took off his glasses with which he had previously read through your information carefully and put them next to him on the desk. Then, he propped his elbows against the table and leaned in to you. It was very intimidating as if he wanted to look straight into your soul to detect every lie that could possibly pass your lips.

But there was nothing for you to lie about.

“What do you want out of this marriage, Mrs. Kang?” he carefully elaborated. “Money? The house? Company shares? I can get you everything.”

“In all honesty, Mr. Jeong,” you admitted, “I don’t want any of his money, belongings, mansions and company shares. I just want to get out of this marriage and never be involved with this family again. That’s all I want.”

He let out a long sigh and closed the file with your information.

“Are you… done?” you asked.

“Yes. With you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t want anything? No money, no mansions, no company shares? Then, where is the thrill? What do you need me for?” The lawyer leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms behind his head. “I think it’s better for you to look for another lawyer.”

“His material possessions were not the reason I was trying to find consultation with you.” You stayed calm and didn’t want to get irritated by his change in demeanor. “I grew up wealthy already, Mr. Jeong. I’m not dependent on his money. When I turned eighteen, I inherited the trust fund my parents had opened up for me the day I was born. It’s enough to live comfortably until… well, the end of my days.”

“So, you are two wealthy people who have married and you don’t want to take anything from him just out of spite. According to the law, the trust fund still rightfully belongs to you as it had been handed over to you prior to your marriage.” If he was confused by your statement, then he didn’t let it slip. “So, what is it that makes divorcing him so difficult then, Mrs. Kang? What is it that you’re after, exactly? I know there is something after all.”

“It’s not what I’m after. It’s what he is after.” You reached down to your bag, pulling out a file that you then attentively placed on the lawyer’s desk. “Here is a copy of my prenup. Please open page 35. I highlighted the most important parts.”

He put back on his glasses and opened the documents at the respective page. You visibly saw his brows furrow at the paragraph that you had pointed out.

“So, it’s the other way around. In case of a divorce, it’s not him who will lose everything,” the lawyer concluded. “But you will lose everything, and it will be all transcribed to him. Your trust fund money, your possessions, everything from before your marriage even…” He stilled. “Just… everything.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m sorry Mrs. Kang, but…” He looked at you in utter disbelief. And the worst thing was that you couldn’t even blame him. You were very ashamed of yourself, too. “How could you have even signed this in the first place? I have never seen a prenup like this in my entire career. But then again, I've only been practicing in my own law firm for a short few years….”

He was straightforward with a certain sharpness lying on his tongue that tended to take a derogatory way at times. This lawyer had surely seen so much already, but according to his words, this must just be an entire new level of naiveness he hadn’t encountered ever before.

“I was young and in love.”

There was certainly no other explanation you wanted to give him yet, even though he was looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to elaborate the decision and specifically the situation you had been in when signing this agreement. But again, you had to disappoint him. You would have still signed the papers if the circumstances had been different, you were certain of that. Why would it matter if you left out an additional reason?

The lawyer let out a long sigh. It was like you could hear his thoughts in your own mind: Such a naive, stupid girl, getting married so young and signing away all her rights just to be with a powerful man forever, out of blinded love. You endured it like so many other things in your life.

“Love.” He snorted, confirming your thoughts, and closed the marriage contract with a thud. “It’s absolutely good for nothing. You clients prove it to me every time.”

You tilted your head. “Just because I’m getting divorced doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love anymore, Mr. Jeong. Those are two very different things.”

“I’m aware of the fact that my clients almost all get married out of love like you,” he corrected himself strictly and made his standpoint clear to you. “Now, wanting a divorce from the person who you once had such strong feelings for… how can you still believe in something that has failed you so thoroughly?”

“But love hasn’t failed me,” you objected. “It’s the person who failed me. And just because that certain man has let me down, doesn’t mean someone else will, too. There is not only one person in the world to love. I’m not going to say I hate all men and will never meet someone I can open myself up to again, Mr. Jeong. I suppose that’s what the majority of people who come here say to you, am I right? But I won’t. There are people in their fifties finding love all over again, so if I have to wait another thirty years just to experience the same, I will willingly do so. I will never give up hope, I won’t let spite devour me whole. I will wait for my time to come.”

He had fallen into silence and his gaze was impenetrable while you kept talking and eventually came to an end. The Lawyer was either baffled by your naivete once again, or you had sincerely taken him by surprise and the usually so witty man for once, since your meeting, didn’t know what to reply.

“You’re so full of positivity, Mrs. Kang, it almost makes me feel sick. Where is your anger, your vengefulness?” he eventually responded, and you felt a wave of disappointment wash over you. “But since you don’t seem to have my clients’ usual bitterness and grimness to drive by, we will rely on your insolent positivity to win this case. Or stupidness, depending on how you view your case.”

You had never been so subtly attacked and complimented at the same time, but since it was coming from the ruthless attorney himself, you put more weight on the latter. “Whatever works for me, I guess.”

He folded his forearms on the table and leaned forward, closer to you, narrowing his eyes before he almost whispered, “But there is one thing I always demand from my clients to win a case and my trust eventually. Without this certain thing, you will lose both.”

You inhaled deeply in expectation. “And that is…?”

“The entire truth.” The response was so simple, but you sensed there was more depth in it. “If I ask you something, you’re going to tell me the truth. You cannot conceal or hide anything. There cannot be a detail that you consider too irrelevant or something that you consider too embarrassing to tell me. You will tell me everything I ask for and not ask for, are we clear?”

At this moment, you felt like he was staring right into your soul, marking this a make it or break it point for your business relationship. If you lied, would he be able to detect right away? Or was he bluffing and only wanted to intimidate you? Had he already sensed that you had left out an important aspect in your marriage?

“We are very much clear.”

A grin flashed across his face, making you frown. “Very well. Then I need you to do the exact opposite.”

“The opposite? Then… I should lie?”

“Exactly. And please don’t hit me with the ‘I cannot lie, I’m a sincere person, I cannot hurt someone’ bullshit. We don’t do that here. In order to win what you want, you have to play dirty. Be honest with me, but when I need you to lie and do reprehensible things, you have to comply. Do you think you can do this, little miss sunshine? Or are we way too sincere and positive for that?”

“I’m sorry, if you mean playing dirty do yo-”

“Can you do that?” he interrupted you. “This is the only thing I need to know. Can you play dirty when I need you to?”

This shouldn’t surprise you. Deep down, you had always known what kind of lawyer he was. Everyone knew. That was why you had eventually seeked out for him. You couldn’t win this case on your own or with any lawyer, it had to be him. You had tried so hard and had approached not only attorneys in this city, but all over the country - to no avail.

This lawyer was your last resort, and never had you thought you would go this far. But if you had to lie and play dirty if asked to break free from your golden cage, then that was what you were going to do.

If you had to play dirty to see your family again, then you would do so.

You gulped, but still brought out, “I can do that.”

Even though it came reluctantly, he still believed you and said with a satisfied smile, “Very well, ma’am.”

_____

“So, this is the golden cage that you’re always referring to.” Your lawyer stood in the lobby, inspecting the entrance location. “Interesting.”

It was an odd sight for you - to have your divorce lawyer, who was technically still a stranger even after meeting a few times in his firm, in the home that you were sharing with your husband. But then again, in these two and a half years here together, your house had always been filled with only strangers and people you weren’t fond of, so this wasn’t quite a new experience.

Your home was a multistory penthouse in a high rise building in one the city’s wealthiest neighborhood, because another quarter was a degradation for your husband’s family’s status. It was all too modernly and minimalistically designed with no touch of personal memories in the form of pictures or belongings. The furniture was too clean, the art too abstract, the rooms too empty. It had always felt more like a museum rather than a home for you - grand, impressive and utterly overwhelming.

You had spent days endlessly wandering between the floors and looking out of the gigantic window across the river out of which one side of the penthouse was entirely crafted, spanning over two levels. This was the only thing you liked about your home as it was easier to dream yourself away while watching the sunset. Many times, you had imagined living on the other side of the river, too. Where it wasn’t all filled with stuck up millionaires, people too focused on changing their appearances and overall shallowness.

You had tried so hard to connect with this life, but even though you had grown up wealthily on this side of the river as well, there was one thing you were missing but had been showered with all throughout your childhood right until your marriage: love, comfort, warmth.

“I wonder how much this is?”

Your lawyer had picked up an ornate porcelain vase from the side table and threw it into the air. Your heart nearly stopped as you watched the decor flying off and gasped. Reaching out your hands, you tried to catch the vase yourself, but a moment later, it was landing safely in your lawyer’s hands again, who then turned to you, grinning.

“I guess it's very expensive,” he concluded.

You yanked the vase out of his hands and returned it to where it belonged. “Don’t do that again! This decor is finely picked out by my in-laws, and if there is only one vase slightly out of arrangement or one single statue looking in the wrong direction when they come over - which is almost every day - hell will break loose.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “That’s exactly what I imagined after what you told me about them. How can someone endure living here anyway?”

“I’m tougher than you think, Mr. Jeong.”

“Hm.” His eyes then fell on your appearance and scanned you up and down. “At first glance, you look like you totally belong here with your pantsuit and perfectly styled hair.”

“Just because I look like I belong here, doesn’t mean I do, Mr. Jeong.”

“Wise words for someone so young who doesn’t always make wise decisions, ma’am.”

You exhaled deeply. “Can we get over this as quickly as possible? You came here for a reason, right? Let’s get seated on the living room and-”

“Seats won’t be necessary,” he waved off. “You have to show me around your home.”

“And why would I have to do that?”

“Your husband is overseas on a business trip you’ve said, and I have to get a picture of the physical possessions, with how much money we’re dealing with apart from bank accounts, shares and all that stuff.”

“I see, that makes sense. But nothing here belongs to me, though.”

“That’s even better.” He turned around. “Which room is that?”

“The living room.”

“Great. Let’s start there.” Your lawyer entered the area as though he knew the place by heart while questioning, “You mentioned your in-laws visit here every day, Mrs. Kang?”

“Almost,” you partially affirmed while following him. “I guess they can’t let go of their son… and their need to control me.”

“What would they need to control about you? Are you somehow involved in their business?”

Your lawyer looked around in the gigantic living room that faced the panorama window reaching from the ground to the ceiling on the second floor. The sofa was placed in the middle of the area, right in a pit that was accessible by two steps built into the ground, encircling a marble coffee table probably worth a single-family house. Right next to it was a billiard table, most likely valuable just as much. This was going to be a very long evening, considering the inventory and the prices.

“I’m not involved in their business, Mr. Jeong.” You paused for a short while, invisible struggling with something inwardly. But you came to the conclusion that if you couldn’t tell your attorney, who then? “In fact, I’m secretly building my own one.”

“Oh?” He raised a brow. “Which kind of business?”

You remained silent for a few moments until he shifted to you and looked at you with inquiring eyes. “A bridal shop.”

You had already prepared a few witty responses, because whenever you told people about your business idea, they started laughing at you. Especially your in-laws. They had laughed at you so hard and shrugged your idea off immediately that you had never brought it up to them ever again. And your husband? He hadn’t even acknowledged it. You were not allowed to work in this marriage anyway.

That was why you almost desperately needed to win this case and all your money back - to fulfill your dream and reunite with your family. You could do that. That was how much you believed in yourself. Just nobody else ever did.

“So you like wedding dresses, ma’am?” your lawyer asked almost in passing, but there was no mocking undertone in his voice. “Somehow very ironic for someone who’s filing for divorce, don’t you think?”

“It’s my passion, Mr. Jeong.”

“How come?”

“I told you I will always have hope and I will always believe in love. That’s what I want to pass on as a message to someone like me. Someone who has found the love of their life, no matter for the first, second or third time, someone full of hope and brightness. Just because you haven’t experienced it yet or because one love has ended, doesn’t mean you’ll never experience this special kind of connection ever. It makes me happy to be part of something so significant. It keeps me going, it keeps me… hopeful, you know.”

“So you want to be part of other people’s special day to keep the thought alive that one day, you will still find the love of your life?”

You clicked your tongue over the fact that everything coming out of his mouth sounded so… negative. “If you want to put it like this… I rather see it as an opportunity to share your happiness with equal minded people.”

“Why wedding dresses and not flowers then? Isn’t it more fulfilling to bring joy to people’s everyday life with flowers they give someone else most of the time?”

“You’re right, Mr. Jeong.” You smiled as you did not disagree with each other on this topic. “But my mother is a fashion designer and my father is an art dealer, so that’s the natural trajectory of my life. I love fashion, even if it doesn’t look like it. But there is only very little you can experiment with style-wise when all eyes are on you and you have to keep up a certain reputation according to your in-laws. I hide a lot of pent-up creativity not many people know of.”

“Oh, who would have guessed you’re not always all pantsuits and pencil skirts, Mrs. Kang.” He shrugged. “So you truly believe in it?”

“In what?”

“In love that lasts a lifetime.”

“As I said, Mr. Jeong… if we cease to believe in love… what is there to live for?”

"Wealth. Popularity. Freedom. Fun.” He snickered, but not in a way in which he made fun of you. He was more impressed by his own funny answer.

“But you have no one to share this with. Doesn’t your happiness then only last for so long?”

“Oh, I do have people to share this all with. Just because finding love is not my priority doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the company of beautiful women.”

You let out a deep sigh, but he shrugged your reaction off. Despite that, you had ended the topic on a good note, because for the very first time ever, you were allowed to talk about your passion without getting cut off immediately.

By that time, you had already arrived at the kitchen. It was an impressively wide, open room made of expensive white marble which appeared unused for ages as it was spotless and shiny. As a matter of fact, just as it appeared, it was never used by anyone in this family - that much was true. This kitchen functioned only as a showroom when the family had guests over to lay out the appetizers and the buffet.

“So you have people who cook for you?” your lawyer concluded.

“It’s a personal cook that has gotten hired, yes.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Must be nice being rich, having people cook and clean for you every day.”

“Trust me, Mr. Jeong,” you opposed, “it’s not all that.”

You both then continued on to the second floor, and you could see him turning more and more impressed with the fact how your house was furnished. Not only the first floor was luxurious, but every other room as well. If there was something touching the ground or the walls, one could be sure that its worth came at least close to a small car, from furniture to decoration.

“Do you have to go in there?” you pressed through gritted teeth, and your lawyer rolled his eyes as you both stood in front of the closed master bedroom. “It’s a private area and there is not much inside.”

“Unless you have some secret toys lying out in the open, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all know what’s going on in bedrooms, don’t we, Mrs. Kang?”

He grinned, unaware of the fact that there hadn’t been something going on in this bedroom for at least a year already. You also suppressed a gasp about his unhinged comment that was not very gentleman-like. But you also weren’t surprised your divorce lawyer, who always told you to play dirty, would leave dirty comments as well. You would just ignore them like the lady you got trained to represent.

“I guess you’re not sharing the bedroom anymore?” your lawyer asked as he wandered around in your private chamber after having opened the space.

“What has this got anything to do with my divorce?” you wanted to know, slightly enraged.

“A lot. If you can confirm that you haven’t shared a bed in quite a time, it’s easier to believe that your marriage has been in the shambles for so long and not a decision simply made overnight.”

“Divorce is never a decision simply made overnight, Mr. Jeong,” you clarified, but he corrected you instantly,

“I didn’t mean it that way, Mrs. Kang. You will wonder how many clients come to me directly the day after they caught their partner cheating and change their minds to return to them a few days later. I want to know how serious you are and that it’s not a decision made on an impulse.”

“I don’t love my husband anymore, Mr. Jeong. Isn’t my tone sincere enough, my expression when I talk about my failed marriage? The fact I go through these lengths at my age?” Your voice got louder and louder, but he didn’t interfere. “But if you need to know about that part of my life too, then yes, I can confirm that my husband and I haven’t shared this bed for a little over a year already as he’s sleeping in his office.”

“Relax, okay?” he comforted you as you had ended your speech. “I was only asking.”

You dropped your head, suddenly ashamed of your slight blow up. “I’m sorry. That’s not… I’m usually not like this.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s normal to feel all these emotions going through a divorce. Sometimes, you need a ventil. It won’t be the last time that you talk to me like that, so let it all out. You’ll be surprised how much it helps.”

He was right, you thought to yourself, feeling a little bit lighter around your chest. But to your disadvantage, you bathed in that moment for a second too long and missed your lawyer opening another door in your bedroom of which he had probably assumed was your walk-in-closet.

“No, don-”

You stretched out your hand and wanted to reach him, but you weren’t fast enough and could only watch the door swing open, revealing a small room next to the bedroom that was certainly too spacious to only be a closet.

Instead, what he found in the room was a crib by the window where dim light was making its way through half-closed curtains. A light shade of yellow had been chosen for the tapestry, matching the beige carpet while the remaining furniture such as the changing unit and the crib itself were white. A few pictures on the walls added a playful undertone to the room, but that was it.

“I was only allowed to choose the pictures,” you explained recently as you slowly approached him. “They are sunflowers in different shapes. You know what sunflowers stand for?” You smiled meekly. “They stand for happiness and joy. This room should have brought me happiness and joy, but instead, it gave me years of sadness.”

He didn’t ask. Perhaps, he could figure it out himself as you had neither mentioned nor brought a child to your appointments with him. If not, then he sensed it wasn’t the right time to push the topic just yet.

“Let’s go,” your lawyer eventually exclaimed and closed the door behind him. “Let’s make your living room a bit messy when I unpack my laptop and we note down the cost of every item in here. That’s gonna be fun!”

He sometimes came off as rude and uncouth, but he knew when to stop talking.

_____

“What’s that?” You unpacked the plastic bag in front of you and pulled out a black long sleeve, black pants, black sneakers and a black beanie as you unsuccessfully attempted to crack a joke, “Were black clothes on sale today?”

“Those are your clothes for tonight.”

“If you haven't noticed yet, Mr. Jeong…” You looked down on yourself. “My style is classic, elegant. Not streetstyle, not coquette, or whatever this is. I’m still representing the family I married into and cannot wear this.”

“I’m sorry, but black cashmere sweaters were not on sale today, ma’am,” your lawyer said, and as you drew a closer look at him, you noticed that he was dressed all in black already too, and not in his usual suit, but more casual, even wearing a beanie himself. “Now undress and change into the clothes that I brought.”

“What would I wear this for?” You lifted up your hands and pulled up the pants. You usually never wore pants. “Where are we going? To the club? I don’t go to clubs.”

“No, we’re going to your house.”

“And why would we need these clothes if we’re going there?”

Somehow, you sensed you wouldn’t like the answer at all. “Because we’re going to rob you.”

“I- I don’t understand. Robbing… me? My home? While I’m there?”

“No.” Your lawyer came over to you, took the beanie out of the bag and then put it on your own head. He pulled the ends down into your face, messing up your slick bun so that a few strands stuck into your forehead. “Fits you perfectly.”

“Do you mean…”

The corners of his lips tilted up. “Exactly. You’re going to rob your own house.”

“Are you nuts?!”

“Ma’am, these words out of your mouth?” He snickered. “Change into the new clothes and then we can go.”

“What should this be good for?”

“It sounds cliche, but you really can’t see people who dress in black in the dark very clearly.”

“No, I mean robbing my home. What should that be good for?”

“Ah, that.” He scratched the back of his head. “When there is nothing of value in the house, then there are no items to fight over, hence less work for us. You said you didn’t care about his possessions, right? Then he won’t have anything left in the morning. We’re only going to grab jewelry and this kind of stuff for you to keep or sell. Just out of spite.”

You gasped in shock. “That’s illegal! I’m pretty sure that’s even a crime!”

“I can guarantee you,” he confirmed, “this is a crime on paper. Remember you told me you could play dirty?”

When you had agreed on playing dirty when it was needed, you had hoped that it was only a formality, that he was exaggerating or just wanted to test your willpower. You had never expected you both standing in front of your dark home in the middle of the night, dressed up as robbers just to do exactly that: commit a robbery.

With your arms crossed to hide your shaking limbs, you looked around nervously, sending a quick prayer to the heavens. Even though you lived on the highest floor and had used several backdoors through the building so that no one would know you had even entered in the first place, you still felt the risk of getting caught any second.

“This doesn’t help me at all,” your lawyer complained while handling the entrance door with different tools that made noises and left traces a little too obvious for your liking.

“There is CCTV everywhere here and you just ruined the door’s frame,” you whispered in agony. “When my husband reports the robbery, they will check the time and date and then see us somewhere!”

“Do you think it’s my first time doing this?” he answered calmly while the door then opened smoothly with almost no sound. You furrowed your brows in question and wondered. Wasn’t the alarm supposed to go off? With a smug smile, your lawyer arose from his position and pushed the door entirely open. “Of course I had let the entire grid be turned off.”

You blinked in confusion. “How?”

“Again, you’ll wonder how far one comes in this country with just a little bribery.”

“That’s not very ethical,” you chided.

“You know what’s not ethical either?” He locked eyes with you. “Your husband taking all the money that’s legally yours from before your marriage, leaving you with no seed capital to start anew, with no prospects. Yes, it’s in the prenup, but what gives him the right to rob you like that just because it’s written on some piece of paper? Ma’am, the world is not a fair place,” he said confidently. “Sometimes, you just have to accept that. So, let’s go on a robbery.”

Your eyes narrowed, your nervosity completely wiped by now. “Let’s start with his office on the ground floor. I know he has some very expensive jewelry stored openly in there.”

Your lawyer’s grin widened. “Perfect.”

He had destroyed the door in a way that carried evidence of forced entry for the police investigation. On your way to the suggested room, you moved through the living area as well, and your lawyer had made it his mission to throw over some chairs and a small side table that had once carried some valuable crystal figurines that your mother in law liked to collect. They then all laid shattered on the floor.

“That was crystal!” you cried out. “Do you know how much it was worth? That was not necessary!”

“We’re on a robbery, not on a shopping trip at Tiffany’s,” he groaned. “Do robbers look like they care about some figurines? They come in a hurry and take everything valuable they can get in a short amount of time. They want the big stuff, gold, silver, money, jewelry… they don’t care for porcelain, vases… or whatever this was, things that are too big and break easily. Remember, we’re robbers, we have to make it look like we don’t care. Now, show me where he keeps his valuables stored.”

“There is way too much valuable stuff. How are we supposed to carry all of it?”

“We won’t.”

Your lawyer moved to the huge cabinet in the living area, stopped there for a moment, and then threw his entire body against the furniture. You let out a loud gasp, and another one as he pushed against the cabinet one more time, bringing it to a fall along with the pieces that were stored inside, instantly shattering in the process. The noise was immense and you had to cover your ears. He might not look like it in his suit, but now that he was only wearing a rather tight shirt, you noticed that your lawyer was very well built and that this was the reason why the cabinet hadn’t stood a chance from the beginning.

He let out a “Phew!” as he turned to you and wiped over his forehead. “You can take on destroying his files and papers, just everything important to him. Let me handle this physical stuff. Don't worry, I made sure the neighbors on the floor beneath weren’t there tonight.”

You understood why you had to do this. If there weren’t many valuable items you had to fight over, the higher would be the chance they would let you off with your own money and the less time and nerves it would take to finalize the divorce, yet the sentiments that tied you to this place…

… they were nonexistent.

Opening all of your husband’s cabinets, rummaging through them and pulling stuff out just to scatter them everywhere felt somewhat very satisfying. You saw all his important files and papers on the ground and stomped on them like a maniac. Everything he worked so hard for, everything he owned while trying to steal from you simultaneously like he had done all your life already. Back in the days, you had just been too young and naive to notice.

You had held back so much during all this time and had never found a way to verbalize your feelings. A lady didn’t do that. A lady was always graceful and just endured. Right now though, you didn’t feel very ladylike. And it was the best feeling in so long.

You only stopped when your lawyer stood there next to you, arms folded across his chest, and there was an edge of mocking delight in his voice when he asked, “You’re done already?”

You lowered your head as he had caught you red-handed, but you also couldn’t wipe off the faint beam that remained on your lips even when he started rummaging through your husband’s cabinets in search of the watches you had told him were stored in there.

“I wasn’t aware he has such a large collection of the most expensive watches in the world,” your lawyer commented when he lightened up a drawer with the flashlight. “If I keep one to myself, would he notice? But then again, he won’t see any of these again anyway. So maybe I should ask you?”

You let out a long sigh and grabbed the watch from him that you then threw into the bag that he had brought along with. “That’s not funny. I think you make enough money to buy yourself an expensive watch.”

“Not this brand, but well…”

You rolled your eyes and continued with the sham robbery on the lower floor before moving on to the second. It was easy to destroy your own belongings as well. You didn’t feel any sentiment as you had expected. Over time, you had grown so resentful, at this point, you just really didn’t care anymore, except for…

“Don’t. Not inside there!” You threw yourself against the door your lawyer had initiated to open. There was no way he didn’t know what kind of room this was after his last visit, so he went in there with a purpose. As you lifted your head, a flash of empathy crossed his face, but you stopped your pleading gaze from breaking eye contact with him. “Please…”

You had been wrong. There was still something your sentiments were tied to in this place, the room where your baby should have lived.

“I’m sorry,” you heard him tell you with the lowest and softest form of tone he had ever addressed you with. “But if we leave this room out, then something is off. We have to at least rummage-”

Your front teeth pressed into your lower lip as you struggled with either making way for him or fighting him. You had hoped that, regardless of how much time had already passed, your past could always remain here as long as you kept this room locked up - just as your memories.

Letting another person inside would mean you had to close this chapter. And even if your therapist back then had also advised you to change this room into another event space and move on, you had never brought your heart to agree to that. What would happen if you moved out eventually? Wasn’t this the best opportunity to finally take this step? But it came so sudden…

“Can I still keep something?” you asked timidly. “My husband never entered this room, so he wouldn't miss anything, and I know what you want to say… I understand. Just please… one thing I can keep for myself? Maybe a jumper or a toy…”

It took a long while until he shrugged and eventually said, “You know… I don’t think there are robbers this cruel who would destroy a baby room. I mean…” He opened the door, but didn’t go inside. “No one would hide valuable possessions inside here anyway. Let’s go.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, and you wondered whether your tone could even carry a tiny fragment of the relief you were feeling right now to your lawyer, expressing how grateful you were for his understanding and gentleness, even though in his world, it might not make much sense at all.

If he noticed the depth of your gratitude after all, with him risking your scam just to leave you this tiny piece of sentiment, then he didn’t bother showing you.

“Now off to my favorite part… the safe!”

“We won’t reach what’s inside there,” you warned him. “I even doubt his beloved mother knows the passcode to that.”

“Oh, we won’t get to steal what’s inside. But we will try. Ever used a crowbar to hit against something? It’s fun! Letting out a little anger. You’ll like it.”

Oh, how much you indeed came to like it.

____

“Very well.”

Your lawyer seemingly skimmed over the police report before he placed it aside on his desk, deeming it as done. Only a week after the incident, you had brought him a copy of the official papers that your husband had filed to confirm that everything was going according to plan.

After your fake robbery, you had pretended to arrive at home and called your husband in feigned shock that sounded so real over the phone, you nearly believed it yourself. Since he had been in a neighboring city only, he had arrived two hours later, and the performance you had put on in front of him and the police was nearly Oscar-worthy.

“Then, you only have to sign this.” Your lawyer had pulled out another set of documents from a staple on this desk and slid them over to you. “Exactly here, please.”

“What is this?” You read something about a bank in a whole other country that was unfamiliar to you, and a bank account under a name that was unfamiliar, too. “I cannot sign for another person.”

“I know. That’s why you will sign as this person whose name the account is booked under.”

“That’s not legal, I could go to jail for that!”

“This again?” your lawyer groaned. “This is the bank account onto which we will transfer all your money and hide it from your husband and his family. It is required for you to make sure you will keep your inheritance. It will take a few weeks, because of course we can’t just book your whole trust fund money onto another bank from one day to the other, it will take a few steps.”

“So basically money laundering,” you concluded cautiously.

“That’s the legal term, yes. I would describe it as…” He pursed his lips as though he was really thinking hard to come up with something. “Playing hide and seek. It’s suddenly gone and you don’t know exactly how long it will take, but eventually, you’ll always find it.”

You rolled your eyes, but signed the papers nonetheless.

“Very well. Now, grab your purse,” your lawyer summoned while he was taking off his glasses and arose from his chair. “We’re going to celebrate.”

“Celebrate? Celebrate what?”

“This success.” He put on his suit coat, circled his desk and picked up your purse from the chair next to you himself, thrusting it into your lap as you hadn’t made any move to reach for it yourself..

“Okay, but where?”

“Can you drink?”

“Not really.”

“Very well, then I’ll teach you.”

You reluctantly got up from your seat as you suspiciously asked, “Is this something you do with all your clients, Mr. Jeong?”

You were only able to watch his back when he opened the door and admitted, “Only with the ones I like.”

While you were still pondering whether his words had been a compliment, he had decided to take you to a shady bar, at a part of the city where you would never set foot in. It was dim and smelled strongly of smoke. The majority of the guests were male, there was a billiard table in the center, and on the menu were only beer and harder beverages.

“This is not the kind of establishment I usually frequent, Mr. Jeong,” you judged harshly while you struggled to find a comfortable position on the bar stool next to your lawyer.

“No, I don’t think you frequent any bar at all.” He had let himself plop on the stool next to you, took off his jacket and ordered two drinks you hadn’t heard of and neither ever sipped on before. “I purposely brought you here. You thought we were going to visit some kind of fancy rooftop hotel bar? Sorry to disappoint you.”

You scanned your environment with raised brows and a look that made men look back at you - but not in the open kind way. They were rather skeptical and curious. Your lawyer was still the best dressed here, everyone else was wearing casual clothes like they had just hopped by after work. They sensed you didn’t belong here, their faces spoke volumes.

“Don’t worry, these guys are harmless and actually nice. They just want a good drink and company before heading home alone, back to their dark and lonely room. It’s just… they don’t see women here that often.”

“I figured that much. What is this place even? Why are we here, Mr. Jeong?”

“It's a place to have fun! Try having fun, will you? Here.” He slid one of the two glasses the barkeeper had just dropped off on the counter closer to you. “Drink. Maybe this will help you to finally loosen up. And drop the ‘Mr. Jeong’-stuff, we’re off duty now.”

You knew there was no way you could say no, and even though you were doubtfully sniffing on the drink, trying to guess what it could be, you had to empty it under your lawyer’s watchful eyes.

“Oh my god!” You were coughing while your entire face heated up. You felt the liquid burning through your throat, making its way all the way to your stomach and settling there with a heat you had rarely encountered before. “What is this?!”

“It’s a drink to have fun! Are you having fun yet?”

“No!”

“Very well.” He downed his own beverage and then raised his hand. “Barkeeper, we need another two of these.”

You didn’t know how long it took for your perception of time to start shifting. You also didn’t know why you didn’t stop drinking, and certainly not why you didn’t say no. He wouldn’t have forced you, that much you were certain of. Maybe it was because you were truly weak. But maybe, in some kind of twisted circumstance, you were truly starting to have fun.

“Here, hold this.” You thrusted your purse and your jacket into Jaehyun’s hands. “I can’t look at this misery any longer.”

You rolled up the sleeves of your blouse and opened the first two buttons before - suddenly feeling not too hot and cramped in your own skin anymore - you strutted over to the men who had gathered around the billiard table, ready to start another set of games.

“May I join?” you asked into the round and earned many curious looks back. “Trust me guys, I’m really good at this.”

You had played billiard in your home so often, it started to bore you the better you got at this game. And with time, it had started to really dread you, because there had never been anyone to play with the many hours a day had to offer.

“Miss, I don’t think-”

“Let her.” You didn’t see him, but you felt Jaehyun’s presence right behind you. Your chest swelled with confidence and pride. “She said she can do it, so let her.”

The men threw questioning looks at each other, but it didn’t take them too long until they all agreed to let you join, and one of them handed a queue over to you. “Ladies first.”

If your confidence had rooted from the alcohol you had chugged earlier, its effect was starting to lack now, because suddenly, you didn’t feel so full of yourself anymore. You bowed down lightly and positioned yourself on one side of the table. You usually started here, playing at home, but abruptly, you got so nervous with all these men looking at you with a certain edge of judgment they were unsuccessfully trying to conceal.

If you failed the game’s opening, there would be no coming back from it, the momentum missed. You would play bad and they would all make fun of you. Maybe it would be better if you just backed down now…

“Well, well, well…”

You felt a palm on your lower back as you made attempts to arise from your position, keeping you in place as the hand gently pressed against the push upwards that you made. Jaehyun was preventing you from giving up.

He bowed down to you and whispered into your ear, “You don’t have to impress anyone. Just loosen up, let it go and have fun.”

You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. He didn’t retreat his hand when you opened them again and angled the queue. He didn’t retreat his hand when you pulled back and pushed into the billiard balls. He only retreated his hand when you turned around to him, throwing your arms around his neck to celebrate that you had immediately put three balls into the holes.

You didn’t know when your hair had loosened and now fell in soft waves around your shoulders. You didn’t know when you had opened a third and fourth button on your blouse, revealing a bit of your undershirt. You also had lost count of the amount of drinks you had already downed the further the night processed.

But what you knew was that you had incredible fun.

“Did you see that, Jaehyun?” You were jumping up and down in front of him after winning another game against one of the bar visitors. “I won again!”

“Yes.” He smiled softly, like you had never seen before. “Well done.”

You tilted your head, your lipstick long gone, your cheeks heated. “It suits you so well, Jaehyun.”

“What?”

“That smile.” You beamed back. “Maybe you should wear this expression more often than that scorny grin. I like this one better.”

You couldn’t clearly see in the dim lightning, but you could swear you caught his ears turn red, and it was incredibly cute.

“Alright, brandy blossom,” Jaehyun then called out after you had won another game. “Time to go home before your hubby returns.”

“Already?” you pursed your lips and put down the queue.

“You don’t want to be caught reeking of alcohol, all disheveled, right?”

You gasped and stemmed your hands against your hips. “Of course not! Just… another round, please? I need to properly say goodbye to my new friends.”

He gave in, knowing he didn’t stand a chance against the sad face you and the men you had been playing with pulled all at once.

Seemingly annoyed, Jaehyun sighed. “But just one.”

____

“Jaehyun, everything is spinning.” You leaned against him while he put an arm around you and kept you on your feet as you entered the elevator. “And I feel sick.”

“That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you play another round and have a last farewell drink with the other guests.” He pressed the button and watched the door close in front of you both.

“But I had so much fun,” you said as you looked for support by stemming yourself against the elevator wall. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve had this much fun. I would do it all over again. Can we do this again sometime, please… Jaehyun?”

You didn’t know if Jaehyun ever replied to that as you closed your eyes and drifted away. You were moving, that much you knew, or was it all in your memory as well? You didn’t use your own body, but felt like you were being carried, not having to put your feet down. You were floating and a slight breeze pulling on the ends of your hair strands suggested that somewhere, a window must have opened, and then you fell…

… but on a soft cloud.

Your eyes reluctantly opened and you saw Jaehyun bending over you, worry sketched all over his face.

“Thank god!” he exclaimed in relief. “I thought you were passed out.”

“I feel so sweaty and smelly, Jaehyun,” you complained to him, starting to unbutton your blouse’s remaining buttons. “I have to change.”

“I’ll bring you the bathrobe.” But he wasn’t able to leave your side as your hand reached out to him and locked him down with a tight grip around his wrist.

“Please don’t go,” you whined, very much under the influence. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

“I won’t”, he spoke with a voice so gently, even in this state you wondered if it was the same person you spoke to about your divorce. You felt a palm touching your temple, swiping away a few hair strands. “I’ll just bring you a fresh bathrobe.”

Still, you refused and shook your head. “Please stay.”

It didn’t take him a second to answer, “Fine, I’ll stay.”

You drew a deep breather, staring at the half-darkened ceiling that was semi blurry in your drunken state. Only a small light was on, somewhere in the corner. Perhaps, it was the alcohol speaking the following words, but suddenly, you got so sad and hid your face by placing your forearm on your head.

“Actually, you know… I’m so scared of getting divorced.”

“Why is that?”

“I’m scared that I’ll be alone all my life, after all.”

This time, Jaehyun’s answer took him much longer as if he was carefully thinking about each word. “You’re the most fascinating woman I’ve ever encountered. You won’t be having any struggles attracting men who are handsome and treat you well, I’m sure about that. Just this time, choose widely.”

“I don’t think I want to get married so fast again,” you confessed. “I think next time, I will take it slow. I want to get a degree and open my business first. Then, I want to get married again.”

“That sounds very reasonable. You hadn’t had a chance to enjoy your youth much.”

“But I don’t want one night stands, flings, short-lived encounters…” You dared to peek from under your arm and eventually withdrew it from your face to look at Jaehyun properly. “What if I meet my true love during that time? Will he wait until I’m ready?”

He spoke with confident sincerity that was reflected in his expression as he assured you, “If he truly loves you, then he will wait.”

“But… I want to experience the love I am able to give. What if there is really only one love we get to have in a lifetime, and he has been this love for me? What if I’ve used up all of my love for this life already?”

“That’s nonsense,” Jaehyun instantly dismissed. “Love is endless, you cannot use it up. Especially you. You have so much love to give, you cannot be the only person out there. You will meet someone whose love is as endless as yours, I promise.”

“How much love have you got left, Jaehyun? Is it still endless too?”

Only at this moment, you realized that you hadn’t let go of his wrist all along. Only at this moment, when he twisted your both’s fingers in a way that intertwined them. Your chest welled up, you hadn’t felt this cared for in what felt like an eternity.

“Yes,” he whispered. “It’s still endless too.”

“Then I’m glad,” you replied with a smile before drifting off to sleep.

____

You didn’t know when you last had fallen asleep with your husband on the same bed, let alone holding hands with him and having his arms wrapped around you from the back. Waking up groggily on your soft bedding, you first saw your intertwined hands resting on your hip, your husband breathing delicately with his face buried in your nape.

It was odd. You didn’t feel put off or disgusted even as normally whenever he even tried to have some kind of body contact with you. No, you felt content, comfortable and warm. So, so warm.

Except for… as your eyes scanned the room, it dawned on you that this was not your house’s wall and neither was that your window you were looking at. This wasn’t your bed either, and behind you was certainly not your husband laying.

“No, no, no!” Your breath caught and you sat up straight on the mattress, waking up your lawyer with your hectic movements. “No, this can’t be!”

“What’s going on?” He instantly arose into a seating position although his eyes were barely opened yet. “You’re leaving already? It’s only… 6am.”

“Yes!” you screeched and escaped the entangled sheets, starting to adjust your pulled up skirt and open blouse. Your cheeks heated up and you turned around, away from your lawyer’s peripheral so as to not reveal more of your body to him than you already had. “I was supposed to be home by last night! Why am I here? Is this a hotel?”

“You were so drunk, you could barely walk and always drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t just bring you home. I just wanted to make sure…” He paused and then shrugged. “Whatever.”

“Oh my god, what do I tell my husband?” You ran your fingers through your disheveled hair and tried to clean your clothes. You could barely remember the last night. “Where is my phone?”

“Here.” Your lawyer held up the device in front of you. “Zero messages and zero missed calls. Can you calm down now, please? I’ll drive you.”

You took your phone into your hand and looked at it in utter confusion. “That’s strange. Usually, he would call me when I’m not home or at least send me a message. Let’s just hope he didn’t bother checking up in the first place, that would be the best case.” A very unwell feeling suddenly crept up your body, laying itself on your chest and slowly cutting off your air. “Something is off. I need to go home. Really, I need to go home right now.”

Rather cold hands suddenly placed themselves on your left and right cheek, cupping your face. Your lawyer looked straight at you with penetrating eyes. “Please, I need you to calm down first. Now.”

You tried shaking your head, but his grip was too strong. “I can’t-”

“Yes, you can.” There was no talking back. He wouldn’t let you go otherwise. “Calm down, then get dressed and I’ll take you home. Spiraling right now is not helpful. Try collecting your thoughts and then act according to it.”

So you tried as he told you and closed your eyes. You took a few deep breathers, but even though you could set your body at peace just a little bit, your heart still refused to do so. And you got a feeling it was not because of what was awaiting you at home, but rather because your lawyer stood so close to you. It was his presence that caused you to be all irritated at this moment.

A few memory threads flowed into each other again, and pieces of last night seeped back into your mind… Your hands around his neck, his soft smile, his gentle words, his arms carrying you to the hotel room, his fingers intertwined with yours, his chest pressed against your back in your sleep…

You looked at him, utterly petrified. Had you just cheated on your husband?

“You’re coming?” he asked.

You followed him out of the hotel room and into the elevator. You didn’t say a single word and he didn’t pick up a topic to talk about either, so you just remained silent and avoided eye contact at all cost. You wondered if he felt the same way about your unexpected intimacy from the night before: guilty and ashamed - against yourself.

That was what you would describe it, but it was not what entirely described the bigger picture. Because why else would you have wished not to be still married right now just to have laid in bed with your lawyer for a bit longer?

“Checkout, please,” you heard him say as you stood next to him, totally lost.

Your husband was an attractive man, but your lawyer… You watched his back bend, messy strands falling into his forehead, a crinkled shirt tightening around his chest. A small part of you that had supposedly taken control over you last night, yearned for him in a way you had never yearned for a man before, not even your own husband.

You suddenly broke out in cold sweat and had to look away, fingers gripping tightly onto the jacket in your hand. You were still a married woman, you were not supposed to feel this way about another man yet, even though you didn’t love your husband anymore. You still belonged to him on paper…

“Let’s go.” Your lawyer looked at you, frowning. “Are you okay? You look feverish.”

He wanted to touch your forehead, but you quickly turned your head away. “I’m fine.”

He didn’t believe you, but let it rest. “Fine.”

You trotted after him, feeling torn about what was morally right and the desires that had started to involuntarily get into your head.

____

Something was off at home, because nobody was there.

You and your husband didn’t speak often except for the necessities. Most of the time, he would sleep at his office in the house, coming back late in the night and leaving early in the morning. Sometimes, when it was very late, he didn’t bother to check up on you at all, assuming you were asleep already. For last night, you had just hoped that it was this exact case.

And just as you were standing there in the lobby, kind of lost and still groggy with a slight hangover starting to announce itself, you got a phone call.

“Hey,” you greeted.

“Hey,” your husband greeted back. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it home last night, and I won’t be able to come back today either. There is too much going on in the company.”

You didn’t bother to care anymore, you hadn’t in a long time. You were just relieved that last night didn’t have any consequences. “I understand.”

“Is mother already gone?”

“M… mother?”

Your blood froze and your vision shifted to a silhouette that was just revealing itself in the corner and slowly stepping into the weak daylight. You had judged too early, weighed yourself in safety too fast as there it was, your consequences.

“Yes,” your husband responded. “Don’t you think it was nice of her to spend the night, because she was worried you would be alone after the robbery? Anyway, I have to hang up and get back to work. Bye.”

Your arm slowly slipped down, fingers barely still holding onto the phone as you looked at your mother-in-law like you were facing a ghost.

“By the looks of it, it seems like someone’s had a rough night.”

You did your best to keep your voice low and conceal the trembling tone that came along with your answer, “I was at a friend’s house last night.”

Your mother-in-law snickered and approached you, her face not changing a bit - the result of year long surgeries. She was smaller than you and certainly older, but something so wicked and deeply evil had always been surrounding this woman that even her own sons wouldn’t dare to look into her eyes without permission.

Secretly, she was the one running and pulling the strings behind the company, the entire conglomerate even, stemming from one of the country’s richest families for centuries. At least that was what she liked to tell, but your research didn’t reveal such connections. That didn’t make her appearance less intimidating though as even her own husband looked small next to her.

“Don’t fool me, darling. You don’t have any friends.”

Two years ago, you would have apologized deeply and fallen to your knees, begging for forgiveness, even if it meant kneeling for days. But you weren’t the intimidated girl from shortly after your marriage anymore. Losing your child had shaped you deeply and the divorce was the final stage, not the process - even though you still had weak moments. You decided this wouldn’t be one of them.

“You don’t know anything about me or my life.”

Somehow, you felt mentally so strong right now and straightened your shoulders to present self-confidence, aware of the fact that even though your way through this divorce was not the prettiest and most legal, it was the most effective. And truth to be told, they didn’t deserve a clean divorce anyway.

“I see it written all over your face,” she snarled. “You’ve been with another man.”

This woman didn’t deserve a glimpse of your new, true self at all.

This woman who had told her son, “If you had just waited half a year more, you wouldn’t have had to marry her and we wouldn’t have this burden in our family now.”

And the son who had just answered, “I’m sorry to be such a disgrace, mother.”

And you, the timid girl, you had just sat with them and swallowed every tear, because nobody in this family was supposed to cry - not even after losing your own child.

You wondered if that had been the moment you started slowly losing the love for your husband who you had deeply loved from the first the moment he struck up a conversation with you at the university where he had been invited to as a guest speaker. Three months in, you got pregnant and another three months later, were married.

You had never graduated with your degree, but you hadn’t cared, because you had loved him deeply. For you, it had always been enough - but never for his family. It struck you the moment you had lost your baby and fell from grace.

For two more years, you had wondered whether you could restore the fading love or find another way to feel so deeply again. You had been stuck in a limbo where you questioned if it was some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome you had developed or whether you were just too weak of a person to break free, too afraid to never find love again.

When one night two months ago, you had found your husband all immersed in work and family problems on the death anniversary of your child which he clearly had forgotten about, you had finally figured that he was a simple man who would always be under the control of his mother. There was no need to fight for what had long been lost. You were much stronger alone.

“You are only still here, because a divorce is a disgrace, never forget that and be grateful you have everything you need. Other women would happily trace places with you.”

“Then let them!” It was the first time you heard yourself raising your voice against her. “Let them replace me! You know we don’t love each other anymore, why don’t you let me go then?”

“Oh, darling.” Your mother-in-law stretched out her hand and touched your cheek. It felt ice cold, but you couldn’t move as your body turned to stone. “I would have, but you’re just so easy to keep here, why bother in the first place? I can keep you low and our reputation stored, it’s much better than dealing with a hassle.”

No, you weren’t easy to keep anymore anymore, you were just very good at hiding all of it and keeping up your facade. Maybe before, you would have caved and given in. Maybe before this all, you would have crouched in front of her. Maybe, before you hired your lawyer, you wouldn’t have had these thoughts at all. But only the imagination of him gave you everything you needed to fight back years of suppression.

“I’m not scared of you.”

The slap came unexpectedly, leaving a visible mark on the side of your face. You gasped for air as you held onto the burning skin, your senses not coming together just yet over what had just happened. It felt like the spot got handled with many needles trying to push through a thin layer.

“The next time you’re robbing your own house, make sure to not leave footprints all over the scattered papers, the police might be onto something. I don’t know who’s helping you, if that person is a criminal or your affair, but if you really have some kind of shady thing going on behind my back, I will take you down and your entire family with you.” A threat so sharp that cut through the air like a knife. “Nobody knows about this, so I will do you a favor and keep it between us. If you continue with whatever you’re planning, I promise you, you will regret it deeply.”

Your family… you didn’t know when you had last seen them. You missed them dearly and there was no way you could put them in danger.

That was the only thing you could think of before you snapped back to reality as the entrance door closed behind you.

____

“Who did this to you?”

Your lawyer was kneeling in front of you, inspecting your bruised face with hands so gentle and a gaze so soft, it reminded you all of last night. You were sitting on the couch in his office, legs pulled up to your chest, staring at him but at the same time through him.

“Who?” he asked again as you didn’t respond, this time more insistently. He jumped back to his feet. “Who did this to you? Your husband?! I’m gonna k-”

Reluctantly, you shook your head. “No, it was my mother-in-law. She knows.”

“She knows about what? Whatever she knows, it doesn’t give her the right to physically abuse you!” You had never seen him this agitated and furious before as he walked around his office in a haste, apparently in search of something.

“She knows that I’m onto something… with someone,” you admitted, fearing that he might get angry as you had not been careful enough. “She mentioned my shoe’s footprints over the scattered papers on the ground… I walked all over them, remember?”

“So what?” your lawyer dismissed in an instant. “This doesn’t mean anything. If this divorce makes it to the court, no judge will pay attention to this detail. You live in the house, naturally your footprints will be somewhere.”

You lowered your head, but sensed him walking back to you and pressing something against your cheek, providing instant relief to your burning skin. It was an empty, cold glass. “Sorry, I don’t have anything else here. I hope it helps.”

“Thank you.”

“What else did she say?” he inquired. “Whatever she said, I promise you, in this divorce, I will wring her out until she’s dry and has nothing left anymore. Then, I will push even further, that much I can do.”

“She’s right with everything she’s said to me,” you whispered absent-mindedly, rotating the glass on your skin so that the spot would always meet a cold surface. “I’m so easy to keep, that’s why I’m still there.” It was a paradox to you how a much older and tinier woman had brought up enough strength to hurt you this deeply, inwardly and outwardly. “But what was I supposed to do all this time? I’m from a reputable family and have willingly signed this contract, giving away my rights, my freedom. It was very convenient for them… I was only a convenience that had come along at the right time as their son wasn’t married yet. And then, I couldn’t even bear my child, and it turned me into a disgrace in an instant.”

“Stop!” your lawyer called out, bracing his arms against his desk that then creaked under his weight. His eyes were forcibly closed and there was a huge frown forming on his face. “Don’t ever talk about yourself like this again!”

“But it’s the truth!” you protested. “She may not be in the right, but she is right about me! I willingly agreed to cut off contact with my family, friends, everyone. And then it takes me two years to do something against it! Let’s face the truth…”

“Don’t say that,” he pleaded lowly, his knuckles turning white as he added more pressure to his grip against the desk’s edge. “It’s not like you. You were always so full of hope, in a fighting mode.”

“I still am!” you disagreed. “I still am full of hope and fighting, but let’s face the truth... I’m so young and I will have been through a divorce in the near future. I’ve lost a child, I don’t have a degree, no money for now, no prospects. Who would even want me anymore?”

You didn’t except an answer, it was only a rhetorical question, but he still gave you one,

“Me. I would.”

You heaved up your head, expecting to encounter a grin as your lawyer had just joked around to lift up your spirits in a meek attempt, but as you met his gaze, your breath caught. He was not kidding. He was dead serious, and by now you could quite well distinguish between his serious and joking demeanor.

“Jaehyun…”

His brows drew together, and he eventually broke out in a relieved smile, just a little bit. “Finally, you call me by my first name, even now.”

“Mr. Je- Jaeh-” You shook your head in confusion. You suddenly didn’t know what to think, say or even feel anymore. “Please don’t joke around, now is not the time.”

“I’m offended that you think I’m joking after all this time. I don’t make jokes about that.”

You dropped the glass on the cushion and jumped out of your seat, moving to the other end of the office room, far away from him. You couldn’t bear being so close to him with all that nonsense that he was speaking, because you feared that a big part of you wished for it to become true.

“You know that I am looking for my one true love.”

“Who said it can’t be me?”

“I’m still married to Kang Seungmin.”

“Then I will have to hurry up with the divorce papers.”

“I want to get a degree and open my business before marrying again.”

“I’m willing to support that and wait.”

“You’re so full of life and I’m so broken.”

“Then I’ll bring you back to life too.”

Why did everything he say sound so illogical, yet so tempting? If life was only that easy as he always made it seem with his shady business, maybe there was still hope for you, too. You longed for the lighthearted young woman you had been in the past, and something inside you, maybe the remnants of her, believed that with him, she could find her way back to the surface.

“You don’t understand the depths of my trauma, you cannot love me, Mr. Jeong.” You turned back to the couch and picked up your purse. Walking towards the door, you told him, “I wish we would have met before all of this happened. I wish you would have met me when I was still in university. You would have liked me more back then and my life would have turned out differently.”

“Your life can still turn out differently, because it doesn’t matter when we would have met. I would have liked you all the same.”

You wanted to walk out, but your fingers remained on the door handle, refusing to move. Your cheeks were burning, but on both sides and for an entirely different reason now than shortly before. You were crying hot tears that were streaming down your face. “You don’t know what you’re saying…”

Suddenly, you felt his hot breath against your neck and flinched. But he didn’t touch you, no matter how desperately you wanted it, and you continued to fight against this desire.

“We can also fall in love now, forget about the past and start again.”

“This is what you cannot understand,” you spoke earnestly. “I can never forget about the past, Mr. Jeong. And I refuse to do so, because it’s a part of me and will become a part of my partner too. My current husband has failed to allow this to happen to him.”

Then, your fingers were finally moving and you slipped out of his office. You used the stairs this time, running all the way to the ground floor. Only outside of the building, you were ready to come to a standstill and start breathing regularly again. You were sweating unlike ever before, hot and cold waves washing through your body.

But you continued your way by walking, walking all the way home, whether directly or in circles, you didn’t know. You just kept walking until it was nighttime, until you returned to your house where emptiness was awaiting you.

And as you stood there, alone in the darkness, you wondered how long it would take for it to consume you entirely.

You refused to let it get this far. Not again.

____

A few days later, you were standing in front of a grave that you generally avoided visiting except for only one time a year. The pain was too much to bear alone as nobody had ever bothered to accompany you.

This year, you were here for the second time - but this time you had company.

“I’m sorry if the things I’ve said back then were too insensitive,” Jaehyun apologized. “Just because I’m older doesn’t mean I’m more experienced. Of course I don’t know anything about your pain.”

“That’s why I brought you here,” you told him, your look unwavering from the small tombstone. “I want to share it with you. If you still want to love me after this, then I will believe you.”

…

When you found out that you were pregnant, you weren’t shocked like so many girls your age, who had just entered university, would generally feel.

You were head over heels in love with your boyfriend who, despite your huge age gap and his position in the company, had made it his priority to shower you with gifts and love. That this was considered ‘love bombing’ and ‘grooming’, you would only figure out later. Up until this day, you were still convinced your love for him was real. It just wasn’t your fault that you were an easy target. It was his fault that he had even approached you in the first place as a grown man ten years older than you.

It only took one time for the two stripes on the test to appear. His happiness wasn’t feigned, and neither was yours. Of course you would drop out of university and get married. Marrying into this family would mean to never have to work anymore anyway and only caring for your child and husband. The fact that this was all convenient for a man who couldn’t keep a woman his age and was under so much pressure from his family, you would only figure out later.

It was a shotgun wedding, but of course that wasn’t what was written all over the news. To his family’s luck, you weren’t showing yet and from a reputable background, but you had to hurry up with the wedding nonetheless. You were anticipating this child so much, even though your family tried to sabotage your wedding. That was probably why you were so easy to get talked into cutting off all contact with the people related to you. They didn’t understand you. The fact that they only tried to warn and save you, you would only figure out much later.

You signed away your inheritance, because what was yours was his, and thus for your child and every future child as well, it sounded all logical. You felt loved and cared for unlike ever before. Why be with your unsupportive family when every love and warmth you could find with your husband’s family? Other people looked for love all their lifetime and were unsuccessful. You were lucky to have found the love of your life at an early age.

The fact that the people who told you you were too young to marry were not jealous, but only caring, you would only figure out much later…

… when you were lying in your bed with cramps so bad, you thought you were going to die. Except that it was the child inside of you, who was almost due to be born, was the one dying.

There hadn’t been any signs. He had been healthy. Yet, somehow, his heart had stopped beating.

They took your baby out with a c-section, you had only held him in your arms once. Nobody had shown up to share this incredibly painful moment with you.

This moment that had dragged you into a darkness which would take you years to break free from.

…

“Suddenly,” you continued, speaking to Jaehyun, “I wasn’t the beloved daughter-in-law anymore. I was a disgrace. If I cannot keep a baby, why bother about me? My body cannot function properly, it refuses to act according to nature. Nobody looked at me the same way anymore, not even my husband. While my mother-in-law confronted me with disgust and anger whenever we met, it was disappointment that was mirrored in my husband’s eyes. He wanted to try again, his mother wanted him to. They didn’t give me a moment to mourn my stillborn child.”

“Did he…?” Jaehyun started, unable to speak out the words, but you shook your head.

“She insulted him many times, but he never did anything against my will. We did genuinely try though, I didn’t want to give up on my marriage, but I think my body already had. Sometimes, I caught him lying to his mother that we were trying when we had long stopped. This, I’m grateful for. But it made her hate me even more, because I’m in the wrong as I cannot conceive according to her.”

“This is horrible…”

You stood there, side by side, looking at your baby’s grave. “Sometimes I think he knew what kind of life was awaiting him and chose to not join me. I would have been a horrible mother under these circumstances.”

“He?”

“My baby was a boy.”

“No.” Jaehyun shook his head and suddenly reached for your hand. He was holding it for a long time, before he eventually said, “You would have been the best mom, no matter the circumstances.”

“So why is my baby not with me now?” you sobbed. “Why did it leave me?”

This was a question you were asking yourself over and over again, ever since it had happened. Your therapist had advised you to let go of these thoughts and the guilt, finally breaking free from that darkness by moving on. But you just couldn’t and had stopped going to the sessions from then on. She hadn’t understood the depths of your pain either - or so you had thought.

“Maybe,” Jaehyun started and removed his hand from yours to put it on your shoulder and shift you around to him instead. “Your baby didn’t leave you. Maybe your baby just sensed it wasn’t the right time and is waiting to come back to you when you’re ready again. Then, you’ll see each other again.”

You cried even harder at this point, only slowly realizing that Jaehyun had his arms wrapped around you now, embracing you tightly. Somehow, you had missed someone like this throughout all the years of pain, someone who listened, who was willing to share your suffering, who made it all more durable. Someone who was finally seeing you and acknowledging the depths of your pain.

Had your lawyer been this person all along and it was meant for you to only find him now when you were ready for it?

“I like that thought,” you brought out under tears. “That I will see my baby again.”

“And your baby will also see your family and friends. I will make sure of that.”

“Jaehyun…” He pressed your face against his chest and rested his chin on the top of your head, tenderly brushing over your hair.

“I still want to love you. With all your pain, all your scars. I still want to love you.”

This time, you believed him.

Even more so when you came back to the grave a few days later. You didn’t want to run away anymore. If you freed your pain and didn’t lock it away in an abandoned room, it would grow easier to be a part of your life. That was why you wanted to confront your darkness and pay visits to your baby’s grave more frequently.

… Only to find out that someone had been here shortly before you, leaving a bouquet of fresh lilies.

Jaehyun really wanted to love all of you, past and present.

____

“These are the finished documents.”

Your divorce file was thick. You were sitting at Jaehyun’s desk and were only skimming over the first few pages. Every single paragraph was dissected and laid out very carefully, in every little detail so that no word could be misunderstood.

You didn’t know why you had failed to pay attention to this before, but Jaehyun was incredibly intelligent and determined. He must have worked almost restlessly on these papers and had really meant it when he had said to hurry up with.

“What’s going to happen now?” you asked, hesitant to hear the answer.

“I will send this file to your husband and he will probably consult his own lawyer. Which is legally his right, even if he agrees on everything. Depending on how much he or his family wants to change, it will take months to… years negotiating, going back and forth.”

Years…

You had told Jaehyun to wait until you were a divorced woman. That much respect you still had for your husband, even though you had already taken off your wedding band. And truth to be told, you were still unsure about Jaehyun. It wasn’t a decision you could make overnight at such a state, you had only loved one man in your life so far. Your next choice had to be the right choice, and how could you have already figured out if he was the right choice?

You didn’t want to get married on and off, it wasn’t supposed to be that easy, so you had to be as sure as possible. But then again, you had been fooled once by the love of a man close to your possible future lover’s age. How was it possible you weren’t going to be alluded into a marriage by false promises and hopes again? You might be a bit older and wiser than back then, but did it also apply to your heart?

“This is the toughest part,” Jaehyun continued explaining. "Negotiating. But I will always be by your side, remember that, I will accompany you on every step.”

You wondered whether negotiating with your husband or resisting your lawyer would be harder for you to do in the future.

“Then I will probably need a place to stay during the entire process. I should move to a hotel first and then go from there.”

“There is no need,” Jaehyun dismissed and got up from his chair. “I have a place for you to stay.”

You tilted your head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s go.”

You took his car and he drove to a part of the city, far outside of the bustling center, which you hadn’t stepped foot in in years, even though it was close to your current neighborhood. This was where you had grown up, this was where you had spent the majority of your life. This was the area where your parents lived.

The car came to a stop right outside of your family’s house.

“Here we are.”

You turned your head away from the window, the sight of your childhood home causing tears to well up behind your eyes. “I’m not supposed to come here, Jaehyun.”

“Says who?”

“The contract.”

“The contract is bullshit,” he blatantly called out. “Who would have even controlled whether you came here? No one. You could have come here all the time without anyone noticing, you know that. You just… didn’t want to or couldn’t bring yourself to. Am I right?”

He had called you out, and you couldn’t close your ears from the truth much longer. He was right. No one had ever controlled you. Perhaps, they hadn’t had to as by your mother-in-law, you had always been too weak to go against the rules. When you had grown out of this phase though, it was long too late to make amends.

“In the beginning, my family and friends all tried to reach out to me. But whenever we talked, I only heard ‘You’re too young to marry, don’t do it!’, ‘Come home, you don’t need to stay there’, and much more. I dismissed their words, I thought they weren’t happy for me and didn’t understand me. So I eventually cut off any form of communication which was aided by my mother-in-law taking away my phone after catching me calling my mother once. They never knew I was pregnant, I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. I had a new family who would take care of me, I didn’t need them anymore. Until I was all alone at childbirth and knew I had made the wrong decision.”

“The more you tell me about your in-laws, the bigger my desire grows to unalive them with my bare hands.”

You nervously kneaded your fingers, your gaze fixed on the movements. “It was their form of manipulation, isolating me from everything and everyone that could change my mind and open my eyes to the truth. Eventually, my trauma had done the job. It also made me realize that I am the one to blame too. I could always reach out in other ways, but never did. With time, my guilt grew to such an extent that every form of reconnection would spiral me into much deeper guilt. So I gave up like they have given up on me. It was easier to think this way as I could never forgive myself for the things I’ve said and done.”

“But they’ve never given up on you.”

You shrugged. “You wouldn’t know.”

“Except that I do. Why else would we be here?”

Your head snapped up and you looked at Jaehyun, then outside of the window in the direction of your house where at the same moment, the entrance door opened, that much you could see over the high metal fence surrounding the garden.

“What…” You were lost for words.

“Like you will never stop loving your child, your parents will never stop loving you too, no matter how many irrational decisions you make, no matter how many cruel things you say to them. You will always have their love,” Jaehyun explained slowly so that you could process at the same time. “A few days ago, I looked for them, drove here and explained the situation. But I left out a few important parts as it is entirely your story to tell them. I think you will have a lot to talk about in the upcoming days. Look, they’re waiting for you already.”

It was at this moment that you realized that you had never experienced love in its purest form.

Until now.

And you weren’t referring to your parents as that was another form of love, family love. You weren’t referring to your friends either as that was platonic love. You certainly weren't referring to your husband either as that had turned out to only be conventional love.

You were referring to Jaehyun going through lengths to reconnect you with your family along with many other things. You suddenly weren’t alone anymore. Life suddenly looked so bright and full of hope when you had someone to also share the happy moments with.

You weren’t alluded by false hopes and promises. He was a man of words and actions unlike anyone you had ever met before. And if this wasn’t true love, then what was? There was no guarantee, no glimpse into the future. There was only your heart following a path he shaped for you in the purest form possible, hoping that one day, you would return his feelings.

“Jaehyun, I-”

“Wait.” He cupped your face and smiled when you were facing each other. “It can wait. Go to your parents first. Take your time. Then, you can come to me and tell me everything you want to tell me, alright?”

“Thank you.” And these two words couldn’t even express the entirety of gratitude you felt towards him, among so many other things.

He gave you a kiss on your forehead, then watched you open the door, walking towards your parents.

____

Jaehyun wasn’t having a good day.

In fact, he hadn’t had a good week altogether.

He was grumpy with his employees, sloppy with his files and overall not at the peak of his law-game. His assistant had to point out mistakes in the papers more than several times and was already overly annoyed before he said goodbye for the week, leaving Jaehyun alone in his office.

He missed you incredibly, and it was messing with his usually organized and cool head. Suddenly he caught himself by what he had been trying to avoid all along: emotions caused by love.

Jaehyun had known what it was the moment you went to the bar together, hair flying carefreely around your heated cheeks. Back then, he had only wished to keep the smile on your face forever, it suited you so much better than the stern and calculated look. Having you wrapped in his arms, he had been awake for the majority of the night that followed, thinking about how he could protect you from a world this cruel, a world that had treated you so unfairly all your life, causing you all this pain that nobody should ever endure.

Jaehyun had never been afraid to love, but afraid to admit that he was secretly looking for a lifelong love too, just like everyone else. After all, he was proven every day by wives consulting him that true love was just a misconception and people were mere life partners that eventually parted ways to look for someone new. His job was to break love, not to create it. And now he was finding himself in exactly that state…

… head over heels in love with a woman he never wanted to let go again. A woman whose absence drove him crazy, because every minute he was parted from her felt like a lifetime. Jaehyun certainly had been in love in the past, but he had never gone through these extents for someone outside of his profession.

It made him question his choice of occupation nowadays. And ironically enough, this train of thoughts led him to your husband of whose lawyer he hadn’t heard anything at all. The divorce papers had certainly been delivered to him, but no one had reached out to him in return yet. He made it his mission to take care of this tomorrow.

From the corner of his eyes, Jaehyun saw his office door open and a person walking in, pulling him out of his thoughts. He was currently storing away some files and ready to head home as well.

“We’re closed already, come back tomorrow and make an appointment with my secretary.”

“But I need an appointment right now, Mr. Jeong.”

Jaehyun’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest in happiness when he heard your voice and shifted around. But the woman in front of him didn’t have much in common with the woman who had intruded his office back then.

Instead of pant suits, pencil skirts and high heels, you were wearing a long flowy skirt, a matching blouse and flats. Your hair was falling loosely over your shoulders like the night in the bar, and Jaehyun was sure he had never seen you this beautiful and full of life before. And if it was possible, he loved you even more now.

He dropped the files on the desk and straightened his shoulders. “How was the time with your parents?” he asked, reluctant as to what to do next. He didn’t want to push you, even though there were a million other thoughts in his mind right now and none of them had anything to do with small talk.

“We talked a lot. We cried a lot together, too,” you summarized for him, and he noticed that even your way of speaking had changed. You sounded more confident, but instead of it stemming from your insecurities, it rooted from deep and dripped with sincerity. “It was good, taking a few days off to think about everything.”

“And to what conclusion did you come to?” Jaehyun didn’t know why this question made him so nervous.

A faint smile tugged on the corners of your lips. ”I came to the conclusion that time is too precious to be wasted, Jaehyun. I’ve lost so much time with my parents just because I was weak, and I won’t get it back, nor can I turn it back. I can only do the best with our remaining time from now on. But there is no way I will make this mistake of losing my time with someone I love again.”

Jaehyun took a deep breather, trying to keep his composure. “You wanted to wait until your divorce, until you were sure.”

“I know.” You paused. “But when I thought about what I would regret more… I just couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you moving on, maybe with another woman. And it might be not in your book now, but how do we know what the future brings? I would only regret letting you go without even trying. I was never given a choice, but this, this is my choice. You gave me a choice. And I decided for this, I want this, Jaehyun.”

He cleared his throat and reached for his tie, loosening it a bit as he thought it currently cut off his breathing. “Do you know what you’re saying?” He took a stop towards you. “Be careful.”

You snickered - a tone that sounded like music in his ears - and took a step towards him as well.

“Mr. Jeong, I’m willing to play dirty in private as well. Where do I sign?”

____

Jaehyun wiped his desk free with one hand. Documents, pens, his notebook and even a lamp dropped to the floor, but luckily did not shatter. You let out a gasp, first because you got startled by his impulsive action, and then because he had picked you up and sat you on the desk.

You almost physically felt the electrifying tension between your faces that had built up over the past few weeks, and as your lips came crashing down on each other, it was like sparks flew into every direction to finally celebrate the release of all this pent-up desire.

Jaehyun’s lips were warm and soft, and very demanding. His hands were holding onto your face, angling you up to him as though he wanted you whole, taste, scent and all. Never in your life had you been kissed with so much passion and longing, being claimed in a way a woman could dream of.

You had been intimate only with your husband before, and where lovemaking with him was quiet, lukewarm and quite trite, the onset of the very same act with Jaehyun pushed up too high of what was ever possible in your sole imagination.

You were wild, fiery and loud. Oh, you could have never imagined to be that loud during the act. You threw your head back as Jaehyun kissed your neck, leaving wet trails where his lips passed. Letting out a moan, you spread your legs wider and pulled him close between your thighs. You chuckled silently when you felt him having grown so much already.

Goosebumps covered your legs as you felt him reaching under your skirt and pulling up the fabric. Jaehyun’s hands were roaming over your thighs, moving back and forth across your skin, and you simultaneously grew very hot in places you had long forgotten about. He tugged on the waistband of your panties, his fingers sliding between your folds and slowly rubbing there, causing you to catch your breath because of the intensity of the sensations.

Everything was going too slow for you now, and you wanted all of him all over you, inside of you. An inner voice was screaming desperately after him.

Suddenly, you halted.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asked, worried.

“I… I don’t know how this works anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“... this. Is it silly?”

You drew your brows together, expecting to be laughed at, but Jaehyun just smiled mildly and tucked a strand of your loose hair behind your ear. How could you have ever thought he’d make fun of you? He never had.

“Nothing is silly. You were just so into it, what’s gotten into your mind?”

“I don’t know if I’m going to be… good. And I have… scars.”

You threw a meaningful gaze at him, hopeful he’d understand without many more explanations, and he did. You wouldn’t be his chosen woman if you weren’t still putting so many thoughts into one single action.

“You still have problems to loosen up,” he concluded. “But don’t worry. If you trust me completely, it will all be fine and I will help you get your head free. So… do you trust me fully?”

It only took you a near-whispered “yes” before he swept you off the desk and carried you, with your thighs tightly wrapped around his waist, to his couch. Not even a minute later, you found yourself with your skirt all draped around your hips and your panties hanging loosely on one of your feet.

You didn’t see Jaehyun’s head anymore, only feeling his hair in a tight grip where your panties should have been, seeing stars dancing across the ceiling that you were currently facing while he ate you out like he had all the time in the world, sensually and delicately.

His tongue dragged along your folds that had long gotten wet the first time his mouth came close to your core. Gone were all your worries and doubts, there was no room to think about anything else than he way he was devouring you now, licking and sucking between your thighs until your eyes rolled back and his name fell from your lips like hurried prayers, interrupting his slurping sounds,

“Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun…”

You angled your knees as you felt something tightening inside your lower stomach that you couldn’t pinpoint. It had first started off as a small spark, but was now coiling into something bigger that tugged on every fiber of your body. You were quite sure the fact that Jaehyun sucked on your clit and simultaneously thrusted his fingers inside of you was responsible for this indescribable feeling, more so when he grabbed you by your bare cheeks with his hands and pressed you against his mouth even stronger.

You had had orgasms before. At least that was what you had thought. They had come like a small wave, giving you a pleasant feeling and luring a silent sigh out of you, and that had been it. This orgasm right now though was on a whole other level.

Your whole body tensed up as though trying to protect itself from what was about to come, but no resistance in the world could withstand the persistence of the man who loved you to make you feel good. The coiled up sensation exploded inside of you the moment you thought you were going to die from endless pleasure, and then spread not only into your body, but also mind.

There was no control over how your body reacted, you held onto Jaehyun’s head like a lifeline with your head lolled back, and screamed his name as though in need for help, your body leaking fluids in places you would have been originally embarrassed for, but Jaehyun loved it, every single reaction he was able to lure out of you.

Underneath him didn’t lie the uptight, suppressed woman anymore, in pantsuits and with no hair out of place. It was a new woman he had now unraveled, with wild hair, heated cheeks, liberated and eager to explore worlds she had never set foot into before. And he would guide her all the way into his world.

With a grin, Jaehyun wiped over his smudged mouth while you were still trying to catch your breath, but eventually returned his expression, ready for more. His fingers were trembling a bit when he first got rid of your skirt and then unbuttoned your flowy blouse.

A flash of concern ran through your face in the blink of a moment when he undid the last button, but he understood. He helped you out of the garment, and when you eventually laid back again in front of him, bare-chested and naked from head to toe, he saw.

Jaehyun left no room for you to mistrust him though. Undressing himself from head to toe first, he then kneeled in front of you on the cushion and leaned in. With warm fingers, he reached out to your lower abdomen and then gently touched the spot of which you had been so afraid to let him see.

But the c-section-scar was a part of you and Jaehyun loved every single bit. “You’re so beautiful,” he let out, and you believed every single syllable.

He had you tightly embraced with your legs around his waist when he slowly but deliberately pushed into you. At first, it hurt quite a bit, because you hadn’t had been this intimate in so long, but when it showed on your face with a frown, Jaehyun paused and made sure you still truly wanted this with soft kisses on your temple and mouth, so that the tightness vanished almost right away.

He was settled inside of you, thick, full, and pulsing, and even though this was so much for you to take already, you wanted him to move, needed him to move. When he didn’t instantly do so though, you nearly embarrassingly pushed up against him and tried to get a tiny bit of gratification by yourself.

Jaehyun laughed lowly and kind of threateningly. “Take deep breaths first, because you are in for a long ride.”

You winced when he pulled out and only let his tip remain, because you feared he would stop right here, but then met him with a breathless gasp when he slammed back into you full force. It cost you all the air in your lungs, but you needed him to do it again as well, because it had hit a spot you had always been convinced had never existed for you in the first place.

But it did. And Jaehyun penetrated it with every thrust that he alternated between fast and shallow and slow and deep. The couch’s cushion got wet and sticky under you, and your screams only grew louder too, but you didn’t mind and didn’t care, especially not when he suddenly flipped you over and you were sitting on him, having him sheathed deep inside your core.

“You’re so beautiful”, Jaehyun repeated. He stretched out his hand and curled a lock of your hair between his fingers that he then slid down along your breast, scar and let it eventually rest on your hip. “Ride me,” he then pleaded, “ride me, please.”

Despite the fact that you had never done that before, the motions came to you naturally with the guidance of his grip around your waist. It felt good for you to decide how deep and in which angle you wanted to have him, and as you were sliding along him, you felt another orgasm nearing that you unfortunately failed to chase.

“Out of breath?” Jaehyun asked, lids heavy after enjoying this sight too much.

“I want to cum again,” you confessed, “but somehow…”

Jaehyun returned to his former position, but this time, placed either of your legs across his left and right shoulder. You didn’t know what else he was doing, but when he filled you all up from the inside again, you were feeling him so deeply and intensely like never before.

The second orgasm for this day found its root not in the pit of your stomach, but feeded on every inch of your body, so that it was an experience that left you shaking with all limbs, Jaehyun following along in long spurts across your stomach.

“I’ve never imagined sex to be like this,” you admitted when you laid in his arms shortly later, a thin blanket draped over you. The office had long closed.

“Like what?” Jaehyun asked and kissed your temple.

“So good.”

He laughed and pulled you closer to him. “That was not even my best performance yet, trust me.”

You opened your mouth in wonder. “You can do it even better? I can hardly believe it.”

“You want to try?” he challenged. “Don’t worry, we have all the time in the world to try out everything you want.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “All the time in the world, for sure. But maybe we can still start with it tonight. You never know-”

You didn’t have to call out to him twice before he disappeared under the blanket.

____

“I must say, I’m impressed. I didn’t expect this from you.”

The photos landed in front of your feet.

They showed everything.

Jaehyun and you entering your home dressed all in black, Jaehyun and you leaving the bar together, Jaehyun and you in the car in front of your parents’ house, Jaehyun and you coming out of his office at different occasions. There were even photos from yesterday after you both had…

You stood in the living room, petrified, not even your eyes were able to move to look directly at the person that was approaching you.

“You must wonder how much truth someone can spill when you just offer them more bribery money than the original party,” your mother-in-law said. “Needless to say, the security guard no longer needs his job here after providing me with the respective videos. And the rest was the dedicated work of my private detective. I sensed that something was off and hired him shortly after reading the police report on the seeming robbery.”

When you eventually lifted up your head, she stood there, looking at you with much disgust. It was at that moment that you realized you lost. She was holding the divorce papers in her hands. They had never reached your husband first, but had directly landed in her hands instead.

“I don’t care,” you sighed deeply. “I don’t care anymore. I will sign anything, I am willing to lose everything. Just… let me go. Please, just let me go.”

You didn’t want the money, you didn’t need it. Money would come back, but time didn’t, and every bit of energy you still invested in this family felt like you were losing a bit of your lifespan. You just wanted to leave and live a life dedicated to your loved ones from now on.

“Fine.” You halted, waiting for her to continue as you could almost not believe what she had just said. It couldn’t be so easy. “I am willing to let you out of this marriage, under one condition.”

Of course there would be. “What?”

“I’ve dedicated my entire life to keeping this family together,” she elaborated, “and my hard work paid off when I married off my first son well, making him the CEO of the conglomerate at the same time. My second one… well, he was always a little too spoiled and never under as much pressure as his older brother. But I let it pass, because as long as our reputation didn’t get stained, I wouldn’t look at it twice. I now wish I had as he only grew foolish and reckless. How else would he have gotten the idea of falling in love and getting an almost teenager pregnant out of wedlock?”

“This fact, we can agree on. But it was your fault that he grew up the way he is now,” you stated in defense. “He has never learned to deal with emotions, and whenever problems occurred, you were there to clean it all up regardless of the people getting hurt along the way. It was partially your family’s responsibility to make sure I was taken care of accordingly. The moment we married, I was your responsibility, too.”

Your mother-in-law screwed up her nose. “I did take care of these things my way.”

“And they were wrong!” you raised your voice, hoping that somehow, you could still speak some sense into her. “You pressured me to sign a contract of which its repercussions I could not have known at that time yet. It was my right to consult a lawyer, but I was never given a choice just like your son has never been given a choice. I was only nineteen and stripped of all my future!”

“A child out of wedlock would have destroyed everything I’ve worked so hard for,” she pressed through her gritted teeth, reluctant to admit this. “I did it all to protect my family!”

You shook your head. “And look at that family now. Was it all worth it? Was it worth the life you’re living right now?”

She didn’t know the answer to that apparently. “If you had only borne that child like my son wanted so desperately too, the problems would have all dissolved themselves. I would have endured you. Maybe you could have been a happy little family after all. But even for that, you were too weak.”

It stung. The insults pierced right through your heart, but you remembered Jaehyun’s words, and only grew from there. “No, we wouldn’t have been. I would have taken the child and filed for a divorce nonetheless, I know that now.”

“You ungrateful brat!” the elderly woman suddenly yelled. “Do you know how many girls out there would trade places with you? You’ve gotten everything someone could ever ask for, and for you it’s not enough!”

“Because there is more to this world than money and reputation!” you screamed back. “It’s not my fault you have failed to see it while you still had a choice, too!”

You were never able to forgive her, that much was true. But somewhere under her hard facade, you were sure, was hiding a young woman who had once dreamed big too. A young woman your age, who had dreamed of the love of her life and her own business. A young woman, who had been robbed of these dreams way too early and had never been given a choice either.

But that young woman had failed to escape as long as she still was able to, and got replaced by a monster that couldn’t figure its way out anymore, too entangled in a vicious circle that got passed on from generation to generation.

You wanted to break the circle and make your own choices. Perhaps, if you hadn’t gone through the past two years, you wouldn’t have had enough courage to feel like this now. Perhaps, if you hadn’t gone through the past two years, you would have turned out like her.

The trauma had made you weak, but also much stronger at the same time. You still didn’t understand, but in some way, you were grateful.

And the fact that you were now able to walk away was the reason you would always and forever remain superior to your mother-in-law.

“You must really love that lawyer of yours,” she eventually broke through your thoughts. “I just wonder how far you are willing to go for him to fulfill your condition?”

____

“Did you get your important papers?” Jaehyun happily greeted you when he opened the door to his office. “You’re back so early, is everything okay?”

The moment you hurried in his direction, he immediately knew that something was wrong. He put his index finger under your chin and angled up your head. The way your entire world shattered when he forced you to hold your gaze indicated that nothing would ever be okay again.

“You have to leave, Jaehyun,” you insisted and grabbed onto his arms. “Right now.”

He didn’t ask any questions, but trusted you fully on that. “Okay, let me just get my-”

“No.” You shook your head. “The country. You have to leave the country immediately.”

Now, he was stunned. “I don’t understand.”

“My mother-in-law knows everything,” you uttered with a trembling voice. You told him about all the bribery and the detective, and eventually about her ultimatum. “She has collected a record of illegal activities reported against you, and she will go to the police with all of it to file a charge of your criminal activities. They have connections there, Jaehyun. She promised me if she wants, she will get you in jail. Is it true? Everything on the list?”

You recited a few bullet points you had been able to remember in a whim the short moment she was holding the paper in front of you. You directly saw it in his eyes, that fact that everything was as bad as it sounded. Robbery, data corruption, forgery, lying in front of the court… you named it.

“Oh god…” You needed a moment and sat down on the couch. “Jaehyun, she can really put you in jail!”

“Then I’ll leave the country!” he instantly caved. “We can live in New York or LA instead. I’ll book the next flight, we don’t need anything. We will just start anew.”

But by your expression alone, he understood that this was only wishful, silly thinking. Only one of you could be free, and you weren’t willing to trade his freedom for yours. He had always been free, you had always been caged. You didn’t rob the person you loved of their freedom like your husband had done.

“No… Don’t make that face. You’re not gonna stay married to him.”

“Jaehyun…”

He sank on his knees in front of you, taking your hands into his. “Then I will go to jail if it means you can get divorced to your advantage. How many years can I get anyway? I did many things wrong in the past and I don’t want to be this kind of person anymore. I will legally atone for my crimes. If it means that you’re going to be free and live a happy life, then I am willing to do so.”

“I won’t ever be able to live a happy life if it is without you. I don’t care about my money or my business anymore, Jaehyun. It will all come back, I still have time for this stuff. None of these matter now. What I care about is you. I won’t allow them to take you away from me. They took so much from me already. I can’t lose you too and rip you of your future and prospects like they did with me. It’s not worth it.”

“But I’m worth it?” he asked breathlessly. “How do you know? How do you know you won’t regret everything again?”

You wrapped your fingers around his neck and pulled him nearer to you. “Because you were willing to understand my pain and connect to my past. Because you left flowers on my baby’s grave and reunited me with my family. Because without you, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do all this. Nobody has ever gone through such lengths for me. If this is not true love, then I don’t want to live in a world this deluded.” You pressed your forehead against his. “And because I truly love you too, Jaehyun, I am willing to sacrifice this all.”

He reluctantly added, “There is another way out… There must be.”

There was a hint of a faint smile on your face. “There is not.”

“There is always!” he opposed, almost desperately.

Jaehyun sank onto the cushion next to you and buried his face in his palms. Was that what defeat felt like? He had expected it to hit him hard and knock him off his feet like a wave. Instead, defeat felt like drowning. Slow, torturous drowning.

“Perhaps, but not now, not for us. If only we had been given a bit more time… But I was selfish and pushed too far, and if you don’t leave the country now, you will go to jail. And if I leave with you, then all my beloved ones will pay the price, too. The damage would be more collateral. I cannot allow this to happen, so I will stay.”

“Promise me you won’t stop fighting.” He looked at you through heavy-lidded eyes. “That you will still fight for your freedom with every help you can get. Promise me you will never give up.”

You were trying so hard to keep your composure, but ultimately all your walls broke and you were crying hot tears in Jaehyun’s arms. He held you tightly for what might be the last time ever as you repeated,

“I will keep fighting.”

____

Jaehyun had made a decision.

For that decision, he was currently collecting every tiny piece of evidence possible from his entire career as a divorce attorney.

He had always been very structured, detailed and thorough with his records, which was why it didn’t take him long to find stuff that would be enough to lock him up for years. And he kept digging so as to not leave room for the police to find more than he would hand over. If he came clear with everything and turned himself in, punishment wouldn’t be so hard and he could see you again in a few years time.

You didn’t want this, he knew, but in a hopeless situation, this was the scenario that was the most hopeful.

Ironically, Jaehyun thought to himself, he had never been a person full of hope before meeting you.

“Can I come in?”

A monotonous male voice interrupted him, and he absent-mindedly answered, “I’m busy and we’re already out of the office hours. Come back tomorrow.”

“I just assumed you might want to read through these papers right now, checking whether I signed everything right.”

Jaehyun had never heard your husband’s voice in real life before, but now that he had and looked up from his desk, he found it really matched his face. It was dull and boring, even though he was a conventionally good-looking, well groomed man in his early thirties - that much he was able to judge objectively considering he hated him to the core.

“I don’t know whether you’re stupid or brave coming here,” Jaehyun said coldly. “I’ll just freely assume it’s both.”

Mr. Kang let a bag, that Jaehyun only noticed now, drop on the floor, not reacting to his taunt at all. By your stories alone, he already got the impression that your husband wasn’t a man of many words… or emotions and expression at all.

“Inside here are a few clothes, her documents, ID and passport. She wanted to get these this morning, right? And here are the signed divorce papers.” He dropped the staple on Jaehyun’s desk. “I’ve already consulted my lawyer. Whatever she’s asking for, she will get. I will agree on everything.”

Jaehyun drew the paper across the surface closer to him. He turned a few pages and realized that no alterations had been made so far. And Mr. Kang’s signature was right there as well.

“Where did you get this?”

“What my mother has gotten into her hands was a mere copy. The original documents had been handed over to me by the messenger the same day you had sent them out. I apologize that it took me so long. It was a decision easily made, but not easy to get through with my family. But my brother was very supportive and still is. My mother on the other hand, not so much when she will find out tomorrow. I’ll deal with it.”

Jaehyun closed the documents again and heaved up his head. “So… that’s all?”

“No.” Mr. Kang quietly shook his head, continuing with his initial monotonous tone, “I cannot prevent her from filing a police report against you, and knowing her, she will directly do so first thing in the morning when I confront her with the facts. That’s why you have to make haste and leave the country. Here.” He placed a very obvious plane ticket on the desk that was booked under Jaehyun’s name, dated for today still.

It was not the first time Jaehyun was hearing these words, yet he stood by his decision. “I won’t leave like a coward. I will cooperate and get the punishment I deserve.”

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” Mr. Kang said, a little more emotion in his voice now. “Do you think when you get released, it will all be over? It’s only going to start from then on. You will not only lose your practice license, but everyone dear to you too. You will never have a day of peace, and therefore, she won’t either. You don’t want that life for her.”

Again, Jaehyun felt hopelessness choking him. He was willing to suffer the rest of his life for all of his wrongdoings if he must. He just didn’t want to drag you down with him. “What should I do?”

“Go far, far away from here. Don’t leave any trace and wait until the divorce is finalized until you let her come to you. I guess you have partners or assistants that can take over the legal parts for you in your firm. Anyway, I will make sure we will push through with the contract that you have set up.”

Jaehyun knew this was the silver lining in a near desperate situation. “Can I still tell her goodbye?”

“If you want to ever see her again, then you must leave right now. The plane departs at midnight.”

“How do I know I can trust your words?”

“Indeed, there is no way you can. But you don't have a choice.”

“Can I at least trust you to make sure she will be alright until she can come to me?”

“Yes,” Mr. Kang confirmed, and for the first time, Jaehyun could make out a clear expression etched into his face. Relief? “After all, I have given her a promise at our wedding. I will keep her safe until it’s all over. You’re not the only one, I want to atone for all my mistakes too. I just want you to know that I have truly loved her. I just wasn’t capable of showing up when I was needed. So I’m happy for her that someone is now.”

“I think this is something you have to tell her in person yourself. And many more things, probably.”

Mr. Kang nodded.

It was not Jaehyun’s place to judge other people’s relationships. What you had truly felt for each other at one point in your lives, it was up to you both to make out with yourselves - or not. Jaehyun just didn’t want you to hurt any longer. Everything else was irrelevant to him.

“Don’t expect a thank you, Mr. Kang.”

“I’m not. I’m not expecting anything from you, Mr. Jeong.”

Jaehyun hurriedly grabbed the most important documents from his desk and the shelves all while preparing to drop by at his home real quick to pick up his passport. “Can you tell her something from me? Or not… whatever you want to do.” He had seldomly felt so at a loss for the right words. “If you are willing to pass on my message though… She will arrive here soon and I need to be gone by then... Tell her to not come and say goodbye. I will contact her when it’s safe. I hope it won’t take long.”

“This, I will do,” he confirmed. “For her.”

____

Jaehyun had only packed a small bag with a few clothing pieces, some cash and important documents, nothing more. The papers he was taking with him included a specific file that gave him access to a secret bank account in another country into which he had booked different amounts of money any time he won a case. It wasn’t as much as his real asset, but it came close and was definitely enough to start anew somewhere else.

“Do you carry any liquids in your bag, sir?”

Jaehyun shook his head. He had already put his bag and jacket on the tray, patting his pockets one last time to look for remaining items he still had to get rid of before passing the security.

“Jaehyun!”

Brushing it off as an intrusive thought, he continued with his motions, until he heard again, this time from a clearly familiar voice,

“JEONG JAEHYUN! HOW DARE YOU!”

When he turned around, he caught you verbally fighting with the employees who checked the board pass before passengers moved on to the security. “Let me go, I have to talk to that person!”

“You need a ticket to pass through here, ma’am,” one of them carefully explained to you, flinching any time you made a move as he surely couldn’t estimate your outburst.

“Fine! Then I’ll buy one! Hurry up!”

“To buy a ticket, you have to go the counter and-”

“I don’t have time for that. Jaehyun!”

He didn’t have enough time to process everything of the scenario that was now unfolding in his sight. You really dared to push one employee aside who then stumbled into the other one’s arms. And before they could catch onto what was currently happening to them, you had already dropped your purse, gripped the railing with two hands and just jumped over the barricade like it was nothing.

In the background, Jaehyun perceived how the employees slowly caught onto the happenings after the initial shock and apparently called for backup with their walkie-talkies. Luckily, the TSA hadn’t caught wind of your unruly behavior yet as both sections were partially separated by walls, so Jaehyun left everything on the tray behind and ran towards you as you were doing the same.

Quickly, he grabbed your hand and dragged you to one corner of the hall, right between these two airport sections, where it would take either party the longest time to arrive.

“Why are you here?” Jaehyun asked, nearly out of breath when you came to a standstill. “You’re supposed to pick up your bag from my office and go to your parents’ house!”

“I know but I couldn’t!” You squeezed his hand. “You were really going to leave without giving me a chance to say goodbye? How dare you!”

“I’m sorry, I just…” Only when he was at the check-in, it had dawned on him that he had made the wrong decision. Even if your husband had warned him, he should have taken that risk. That much, you owed the person you loved. “I’m just not good at saying goodbye. I didn’t know what to say… even now, I don’t know.”

“Please don’t do this! Don’t strip me of my choice! Not you too!”

Jaehuyn shook his head and cupped your face. “I would never do that! I would have called or texted you right when I arrived. Even if it was risky. I just cannot bear… yeah, this. I didn’t want to see you cry again. This time it’s my fault.”

With his thumbs, he brushed over your cheeks, wiping away your tears. From the corners of his eyes, he already saw the fetched security arriving at the section, looking in your direction. There was not much time left anymore.

“This is my choice,” you said under tears. “You are my choice. And if you don’t come back, Jaehyun, I will fly over there myself, are we in the clear?”

He chuckled and you cracked a faint smile as well. “I believe you. I don’t think we need a contract for that. It may take a bit of time… so will you wait for me?”

“I will always wait for you. That’s what I said, right? I will wait for my true love, no matter how much time it takes. Just please, if you can, don’t take too long.”

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around you and pressed you against his chest. The security was already approaching you, but they weren’t running, possibly because they had already sensed there was no danger radiating from you. Just two people in love who needed to say one last goodbye to each other.

“I’ll hurry up,” he muttered into your hair and placed a kiss on your parting. “In the meantime, go back to university, get your degree and work hard for your business, but don’t forget to live your life, too. I want to return in time for your graduation ceremony.”

“Jaehyun…” You looked up to him with big, tear-filled eyes. “Then I will work hard so that it won’t take long.”

Eventually, the security reached them. “Ma’am, we have to kindly ask you to leave.”

Jaehyun let go of you before the two security men would drag you away from him themselves, and you unwillingly let him. “I promise I’ll be there!”

“I rely on your word!” you were still able to say before following the security out. “I love you!”

“I love you too.”

____

Police investigations started shortly after Jaehyun landed in the US. They were looking for him the next two years, and you had to stay apart for just as long.

He missed the moment you finalized your divorce after a year.

He missed the moment you re-entered university that same year.

He missed the moment you graduated with your degree a year later.

He missed every single important moment in your life.

____

‘GRAND OPENING’

was written on the fancy border that hung over the entrance door to your small shop.

You hadn’t expected for five people to already show up at the opening hour sharp, but you were well prepared and handed them a glass of champagne each. You walked them around, presenting to them a few of your hand-picked pieces.

There were gowns with reserved, classic cuts, more elaborate gowns with a lot of tulle, short skirts, long sleeved dresses, tight and wide dresses, and a broad selection of accessories like veils and gloves in addition.

“My heart lies within this shop,” you explained to the group of women. “I want to gather as many different styles as possible to suit everyone’s preferences. After all, it’s going to be the happiest day of your life, and you shouldn’t only look beautiful, but also feel comfortable. Whatever you want to add or alternate on your overall look, me and my team will accommodate that. Please feel free to look around and call for me if you need my assistance.”

You moved behind the counter and looked excitedly at your first possible customers, being happy to share this day with the people special to you too as later on, your family and friends would pay you a visit for the official opening party.

There was always one person missing though, and whenever you thought of it, your heart got so heavy.

The opening of your own bridal shop was another milestone in your life that Jaehyun was missing. Even though two months ago it was announced that the Aewha Group had gone bankrupt because of a tax fraud having been committed over the years, he had still deemed it unsafe to return and wanted to wait a bit more.

You wondered why and slowly grew impatient as the police had already stopped pushing the case forward because of the lack of evidence as almost no one wanted to testify against him. Since the Aewha Group was now down as well and the owners had a fair share of other, graver problems to deal with, you had proposed to him to come pay you a visit.

“It’s too dangerous,” Jaehyun had said.

“Then I’ll come!”

Again, he had said, “You don’t have to. Soon, I can return.”

But when was ‘soon’ anyway as he’d been saying it for a year already?

In secret, you had already bought a plane ticket to California for next month. Two years had already passed in which you couldn’t see each other, and if it continued, then you would be the one to go to jail for other reasons, you knew that, and those reasons included kidnapping the man you loved.

After an entire day of working where you had been successful to make fitting appointments with three bridal groups, it was time for the opening party. You saw your parents, grandparents, friends and other acquaintances, not only from the past, but also from the last two years, walk into your shop, gazing at the garments and celebrating with you.

There were beverages and snacks being served, everyone was dressed up and music was playing in the background. It was a gathering among the people close to you to celebrate the success you had been working so hard for the past two years.

You knew that, if you hadn’t met a certain person, you wouldn’t be standing here right now, giving a speech to your loved ones. But after all the trauma and pain, you were here, bright and successful with a future just as promising.

You just wished the person you were the most grateful for could have joined as well.

“Thank you so much for coming and celebrating with me. Please enjoy tonight,” you ended your speech.

“There is something I have to say too,” someone said in the background, and the hair on your neck suddenly stood up. “Actually, there is so much I have to say, but I will try to keep it short.”

Only after a few seconds, you were able to break through the petrification. From the corner of your peripheral, you saw your friends giggling and your parents looking at you lovingly. Before you met his gaze eventually, tears already started to burn on the rim of your eyes.

You felt his warm hand on your naked arm, his fingers slowly sliding down to intertwine with yours. It had been so long since you had last seen each other in person, but as you now stood in front of Jaehyun, it felt like no time had passed at all.

He was just as handsome and well built as two years ago. If anything, he looked even better. Maturity suited him so well. He was smiling at you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to mirror his expression with the same intensity, because different emotions washed over you all at once, so that you didn’t know how to feel at first.

You wanted to get angry at him and yell at him why it had taken him so long.

You wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and have him hold you tightly.

You wanted to kiss him deeply and get undressed to feel every inch of him.

In the end, you didn’t do anything but start crying. It was all just too much.

“Why are you here?” you asked, still believing it was all not real.

You felt him squeezing your fingers. “I just couldn’t miss another milestone of yours.”

“Why did it take you so long?”

“There were a few things I needed to sort out before I could return. Finding someone to take over my law office, for example. Just the formals.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, you idiot? I bought a ticket for next month!”

He threw his head back and laughed. “That’s what I sensed and came here as fast as possible.”

“How long are you going to stay?” you sniffed.

“This time, I hope forever.” You saw him move in your blurry vision and blinked through your tears. Or better say, you saw it blinking in front of your eyes as he was holding a ring in front of you. “If you let me be your husband, of course. So… will you? Will you accept me as your husband?”

You pouted. “Where are we going to live?”

“Here, of course.”

“And you’re not on the run anymore?”

“I will only do stuff according to ethics, morals and the law.”

“Can I plan the wedding myself?”

At this point, you were only teasing him, but after what he had put you through, he let you. “You can do whatever you want, I will say yes to everything my wife says.”

“Very well.” You paused. “Under one condition.”

“Hm?”

Then, you broke into a wide smile. Those tears on your face had always only been happy tears. “We will never set up a prenup.”

“Of course,” Jaehyun agreed. “Because we will never get divorced anyway.”

Then, you finally fell into his arms and kissed him deeply. It was like two missing pieces coming together, a surge of complete bliss streaming through your bodies the moment your lips met. This, this was it. This was what it must feel like to finally be with your true love. You never wanted to be apart again.

The ring looked beautiful on your finger, and as you both turned around to show it to your guests, you saw in their reactions that they had been let in on the planned happenings of this night quite a while ago.

Your opening party had magically turned into your engagement party.

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yutarot · 9 months ago

Text

in perfect sync. j.jh smau

♫⋆♪ ₊˚. humour, friends to enemies to lovers, secret relationship, forced proximity, college au, dancer au, hiphopdancer!jaehyun, fboy!jaehyun, balletdancer!yn

synopsis. your dance college wasn’t the easiest to get in to, let alone was it easy to stay. so what happens when your college decides they need to cut two of the dance teams from competing ever again, the ballet team and the hiphop team. will both teams get along in order to solve their connected issue, or will they fight to get their own team back to competing again? only you and hiphop dance team captain, jeong jaehyun, can decide your teams fates. but there’s one problem, you hate eachother.

WARNINGS: mention of drugs/alcohol, language, jokes about sex, mention of injury, some usage of ballet terminology, lots of extensive lore?, angst, lots of angst, slowburn as fuck obviously, major character betrayal, lots of lying, i mean LOTS of lying, jaehyun is an asshole for like 50% of this, the plot gets v messy and confusing but i live for that so

DISCLAIMER: all portrayals of people are fake and from my imagination, in no way am i claiming that they act like this irl.

written wc: 8.8k

STATUS: complete! — 09.03.24 - 10.02.24

TAGLIST - OPEN!

MASTERLIST

[profiles one] || [profiles two]

[one — jungwoos scared of girls]

[two — that can’t be good]

[three — well that sucks]

[four — he’s stalking you]

[five — we were just friends]

[six — the man he was] half written

[seven — i need to talk to you]

[eight — i’ve waited so long]

[nine — roses]

[ten — im over you]

[eleven — ur over me?]

[twelve — betrayal] written chapter

[thirteen — dimples]

[fourteen — conflict] written chapter

[fifteen — i never knew]

[sixteen — you’re welcome, btw]

[seventeen — she deserves to know]

[eighteen — it was me.] written chapter

[nineteen — hey guys…]

[twenty — collab of the century]

[twenty-one — i’m happy he’s over u]

[twenty-two — i did it for you] written chapter

[twenty-three — no one knows except..]

[twenty-four — that same old dimpled smile] written chapter

[twenty-five — everything about you]

[twenty-six — however hard it may be.] half written

[twenty-six and a half — it’s finally happening]

[twenty-seven — they can wait]

[twenty-eight — ive nothing to fear] written chapter

[twenty-nine — they don’t know we know they know we know]

[thirty — in perfect sync.] written chapter

end.

replies, likes and reblogs are all greatly appreciated! feel free to send thoughts and requests in my asks: characters, scenes, chapters etc.

#nct #jaehyun #nct college au #nct smau #nct 127 #nct 127 smau #nct dream #nct 127 fanfic #jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun smau #jeong jaehyun smau #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun nct #nct fanfic #kpop #kpop smau

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gyeomsweetgyeom · 4 days ago

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hii!! i dont knkw if u know that tiktok trend thats like babying your boyfriend until he notices the camera and like that would be SO CUTE for frat jaehyun w sweets!!

i ADOREE every single one of ur works, lots of love :3

is this cringe? yes, but he's baby! (love love love ya anon!)

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

⋆⭒˚.⋆ you're baby for a reason ⋆⭒˚.⋆

Fratboy!Jaehyun was no stranger to being babied. He was "baby" for a damn reason and he was proud of it! But there were some limits... he could pout, he could whine, he quietly asked for affection in front of his brothers but that was as far as he ever went when you weren't alone. His brothers were smart enough to guess that his pouting and clinginess was likely just the tip of the iceberg. They figured his babying was worse behind closed doors.

Who better to put that to the test? You, of course! When Mark texted you asking you to sneakily record yourself babying your boyfriend, you agreed right away. Any chance to give your boyfriend some love while also being a menace, yeah, you were taking it.

With your phone held in one hand and your other hand in your boyfriend's silky hair, you began your prank.

Your nails scratched softly at his scalp and he hummed low and deep in his throat as he locked his phone and nuzzled into your stomach. "Do you like your scratchies, baby?" You ask in a soft coo.

"Yeah," Jaehyun breathes out, nodding against your stomach.

"Does my precious big boy wanna cuddle?" You croon gently.

He shakes his head, "I'm baby."

"Huh?"

"I'm baby," Jaehyun repeats just slightly louder.

You bite back a laugh before responding, "oh I'm so sorry. Does my precious baby boy wanna cuddle?"

"With kisses?" He asks with a pout as he looks up at you, completely missing the way your phone is pointed in his direction.

You want to squeal, want to throw your phone aside and just give him all the kisses he wants. Instead, you hold back and rub his ear, watching as his eyes flutter shut as you reply, "yeah, as many kisses as you want, baby boy."

He moves with a quickness that contradicts the soft, sleepiness of his voice as he burrows his face into your neck. You hum softly, catching his serene face on the screen of your phone as you press countless kisses onto his forehead, "the best baby, my favorite boy."

He practically purrs, his body draping over your own as he gives in to your affection. He loves this, you almost feel bad... almost.

You smile as you lift the camera to his face, just a few inches away from his nose as you coo, "can you say hi to Mark, baby?"

His lashes flutter as he breathes out, "hi Mark." It's just a few seconds later when his brows are pinching with confusion and his eyes are opening, "wait— Mark?" And there's your phone, recording him as he acts like a total simp. How lame.

He pulls your phone from your hand and locks it, tossing it onto the floor with an annoyed pout as your laugh rings throughout your room. With a huff, he burrows his way back into the crook of your neck and tightens his hold on your waist. His voice is gruff, "say you're sorry."

"I'm sorry," you reply in between soft giggles, brushing his hair off his forehead.

"Now you owe me more kisses," he adds, his face still drawn into a pout.

You cup his face, and as stubborn as he's acting, he adjusts himself so that you have easier access to his face. You rub the soft skin of his cheeks before pecking his face everywhere you can reach. You kiss his cheeks, his chin, his nose, his lips until he hums with satisfaction.

Whether or not the video gets sent, well, Jaehyun can't bring himself to care when you're doting on him and showering him with love. Who even cares if his friends find out he likes to be babied? It's not his fault he adores your attention.

#nct #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct timestamps #nct x reader #nct drabbles #nct blurbs #fratboy!jaehyun #frat!jaehyun #frat!nct #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun drabbles #jaehyun blurb

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hameesstuff · 12 days ago

Text

“Marriage on Paper”

Title: “Marriage on Paper”

Pairing: Husband Doctor!Jaehyun x Wife CEO!Reader | Single dad! Jaehyun

Preview: Jaehyun hated her. Why does he need a wife when he's happy with his daughter? Another nuisance, just like his first wife. And she hated everything about him. But they clearly can't stay away.

Genre: Arranged marriage, Slow Burn, Single dad! Jaehyun | Enemies to Lovers | Humor | Domestic | Smut, Tension

Word Count: ~9.3k

___________________________________________

PART 1: THE MARRIAGE THAT LOOKED GOOD ON PAPER

Your lawyer had said it was a “mutually beneficial merger.”

You said nothing, mostly because you were too busy fixing your lipstick before the press conference that announced your arranged marriage to Seoul’s most annoyingly attractive surgeon—Dr. Jeong Jaehyun.

He, on the other hand, stood beside you like you were a mild inconvenience. Like he had better places to be—like an OR table or a luxury car headed away from this mess.

“Smile,” you hissed through your teeth as cameras clicked.

“I am,” he replied, deadpan.

You glanced sideways. “You look dead.”

He looked back. “That’s still a smile compared to you.”

The flashbulbs exploded. You two were golden. On paper, of course.

The marriage was arranged for reasons that made sense to your board of directors and his hospital’s board of trustees. Power couple image. Medical research grants. Business sponsorships. Tax benefits.

You? You were Seoul’s youngest and most intimidating CEO, known for firing underperformers in stilettos. You didn’t need a husband.

He? He was a brilliant cardiothoracic surgeon with a God-complex, a tendency to ghost family events, and a four-year-old daughter named Jiyeon who looked like a doll and talked like a drill sergeant.

The man was cold. Distant. But unfortunately, stupidly good-looking. Which made it worse.

The wedding was private, clinical. A few papers signed. A few photos taken. Your designer dress was stunning, and so was his smug silence.

The next day, you moved into the penthouse apartment you were now legally required to share.

You saw the child before you saw him.

Jiyeon sat at the kitchen island, eating Cheerios from a pink bowl.

She looked up at you with big round eyes and said, “You’re the lady who married my Dad. ”

You blinked. “Yes.”

She nodded like a CEO. “Okay. I’m not allowed to watch horror movies. I like strawberries. And don’t touch Mr. Bubbles.”

“Mr. Bubbles?”

“My bear” she said, pointing to a stuffed animal on the counter.

Right then, Jaehyun walked in—hair messy from post-call exhaustion, in scrubs, rubbing his eyes.

He looked at you like the flu.

You looked back like antibiotics.

“Morning,” he said, voice gravelly.

“Afternoon,” you corrected. “It’s 2 p.m.”

He gave a faint smirk. “You really don’t know how to rest, do you?”

You ignored him, turned to Jiyeon. “I brought you strawberry jam.”

She grinned. “Okay, nevermimd I like you now"

At work, you crushed negotiations and led meetings like a queen. At home, your mornings began with accidental run-ins and arguments about kitchen cabinets.

He liked silence. You liked music.

He liked Jiyeon’s toys in one corner. You let her play wherever she wanted.

He liked routine. You liked control.

You both hated each other.

But Jiyeon?

She made it hard to stay angry.

One night, you came home late from a board dinner, heels in hand, headache pounding—and found her asleep in your bed, Mr. Bubbles’ tucked beside her.

A sticky note on your pillow read:

“You looked sad this morning. I saved you a place. — Jiyeon”

You didn’t cry.

You just laid down beside her and let her tiny hand wrap around your finger.

And somewhere around night fourteen, Jaehyun came home early, leaned against the kitchen counter while you reheated soup.

“You work too late,” he muttered.

“You don’t say much.”

Silence.

Then he added, “She likes you.”

You turned, surprised. “She’s easy to like.”

He looked at you for a long moment, his gaze unreadable.

“She didn’t like my ex.”

You blinked. “Was she her mother?”

A long pause.

“No. Her mother left before Jiyeon turned two.”

A strange ache stirred in your chest.

And that was the first time Jaehyun ever told you something personal.

No sarcasm. No sharp wit. Just the truth.

Later that night, you passed each other in the hallway.

He didn’t say anything.

But his hand brushed yours.

And he didn’t pull away.

PART 2: TENSION BETWEEN WALLS

You’d thought it was easier—pretending.

Pretending the apartment wasn’t too quiet. That you didn’t hear Jiyeon’s tiny feet running to greet him. That your heart didn’t shift, uninvited, at the sight of Jaehyun brushing her hair back like he’d done it a thousand times.

You weren’t looking for softness.

But somehow, it kept slipping through the cracks he never meant to open.

He came home late that Tuesday.

Jiyeon was asleep on the couch, curled up with Mr Bubbles. You were in the kitchen, pacing, still wearing your pencil skirt, blazer flung over a chair.

Jaehyun entered silently, a gym bag over one shoulder, shirt clinging damp to his skin from a post-op workout.

You stared at him. “You forgot to text.”

He blinked. “Didn’t know I had to.”

“You didn’t. But Jiyeon waited by the door for two hours.”

That silenced him.

He exhaled, dropped the bag, and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice quieter than you expected. “There was a code blue. I couldn’t leave.”

Your jaw locked, arms crossed. “I’m not asking for explanations. I’m just—”

“Worried?” he cut in, gaze sharpening. “Or mad because it disrupted your schedule?”

You bit your cheek. “Do you always push away people who care?”

He didn’t answer.

Just looked at you.

And for a second, neither of you breathed.

The tension in the room pulsed like a heartbeat. You could see it in his eyes—that restrained edge, that wall he kept up even when he wasn’t trying to.

Then he said, “She listens to you more than me.”

You blinked. “She’s four. She likes strawberry jam and picture books. That doesn’t make me her mother.”

“No,” he agreed. “But she smiles when you come home.”

Your heart stuttered. “That’s not love.”

“No,” he murmured. “But it’s the beginning of something.”

The next night, you found him asleep on the couch, Jiyeon curled against his chest. His arm wrapped protectively around her, lips parted slightly, brow relaxed. It was the only time he ever looked peaceful.

You brought him a blanket.

You didn’t wake him.

You just stood there for too long—watching the man who was supposed to be your husband feel like the stranger you were starting to understand.

At breakfast, he poured your coffee without asking.

“You drink it black,” he said, not looking up.

You stared. “How did you—?”

“You mutter in the mornings.”

You blinked again, flustered.

He finally looked at you, and it wasn’t teasing. It wasn’t guarded. It was… warm.

You looked away.

This wasn’t in the plan.

PART 3: FRACTURES AND FLAME

The event was meant to be formal—clinical, even.

Your company’s healthcare merger dinner, filled with glass clinks and conversations too polished to mean anything real. You wore navy silk backless, sharp heels, and a CEO’s smile. Controlled. Charming. Unshakable.

You hadn’t expected Jaehyun to come.

But there he was—tall, poised in black, medical charm polished with just enough distance to draw eyes without asking for them.

He stood out like a mistake you wanted to make twice.

Your assistant whispered, “Is that your husband?”

You gave a tight smile. “Unfortunately, yes.”

Jaehyun, on cue, raised a brow from across the room. Heard it.

You stood beside each other for the first half hour, exchanging polite pleasantries with investors. He only spoke when needed. Let you lead.

But his eyes?

They didn’t leave your face.

Not once.

Enter David Seo—your firm’s latest clinical advisor and an old college flirtation turned slightly unhinged admirer. Handsome. Wealthy. Dangerous in that loud, performative way Jaehyun never was.

David leaned too close as he spoke to you, fingertips brushing your lower bare back once. Twice.

Jaehyun’s glass tapped the table with a soft clink. Not loud. But pointed.

When David asked, “Are you happy, though?”—Jaehyun was no longer beside you.

He was behind you.

Shoulders squared.

Voice calm. “She is. But thanks for checking.”

David blinked. “Doctor Jung, I presume?”

Jaehyun’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Funny. I don’t recall you being relevant in her life.”

“Jaehyun —please.”

David scoffed and walked off with a muttered “territorial.”

You glared. “Was that necessary?”

Jaehyun’s gaze was hard. “He was touching you.”

“I can handle it.”

He stepped closer. “I know. But you shouldn’t have to.”

That silenced you.

Because it was… sincere.

And it rattled you more than his jealousy.

Later, in the town car home, silence sat thick between you.

You looked out the window. “You don’t get to be jealous.”

He didn’t answer immediately.

Then, softly: “I’m not jealous.”

You turned to him.

He added, “I’m angry. That someone thinks he can touch you like you’re available.”

You scoffed. “I am available. Our marriage is fake, remember?”

His voice dropped to a low murmur.

“Don’t say that in past tense. Not when you look at me like that.”

You turned your head quickly.

But you didn’t deny it.

PART 4: FRACTURE

The hospital walls blurred around him.

All he heard was the voice on the phone.

“Dr. Jung, your daughter’s been in an accident—hit by a distracted driver near the school exit. She’s stable. But she’s asking for you.”

He didn’t remember how he got there.

He barely remembered throwing off his white coat, running through traffic, or leaving his car at the ER entrance with the keys still inside.

His chest cracked open the moment he saw the door labeled Pediatric Trauma – 407.

And then—

Her voice.

Soft. Frayed.

“Sweetheart, you’re so brave. I’m right here, okay? It’s gonna be okay.”

He stepped in like the air wasn’t heavy with fear.

You sat on the bed beside Jiyeon, her tiny hand gripped in yours, your blouse torn at the shoulder, a gash on your forehead bleeding down the temple. Your blazer draped over her legs. You looked wrecked—but calm. Like you’d been crying for hours and were holding it in just for Jiyeon.

Jaehyun stopped in the doorway.

You turned.

And for the first time—there was no sarcasm. No teasing. Just you. Holding his daughter like she was yours.

“She wanted ice cream..” you said softly. “The cab drove through a red light. I protected her the best I could Jaehyun. I'm sorry.”

His knees almost buckled.

He knelt beside the bed and brushed Jiyeon’s bandaged forehead. Her eyes fluttered.

“Dad…”

“I’m here, baby. I’m here.”

Her fingers loosened from yours—and slowly found his. She fell back asleep.

Later that night, the nurse gave them clearance to leave.

But Jaehyun didn’t drive home.

He booked a nearby hotel. For Jiyeon’s comfort, he told himself. For rest.

But truthfully—it was because his hands were still shaking.

You stood by the window, changed into one of his spare shirts, hair damp from the hospital shower, bruised and tired and more beautiful than he ever remembered.

“You could’ve died,” he said, quietly.

You looked at him. “So could she.”

“She asked for you before me.”

“She was scared.”

“I’m scared.”

The confession was quiet. Raw. And terrifying.

You didn’t reply. Just walked over.

“I thought I lost her,” he murmured. “And then I saw you with her—and it hit me. She’s not the only one I’ve been afraid of losing.”

You looked up.

And in one moment, every wall shattered.

He stepped forward, cupped your face gently—brushed his thumb over the cut at your temple like it hurt him to see you hurt.

And then—

His lips found yours.

Not gently.

Not softly.

But like he was making up for every second he hadn’t.

You reached up and cupped his jaw. “You don’t have to be afraid. Not with me.”

His breath hitched at that, and then he kissed you — slowly, reverently, like he was trying to memorize the way you tasted in case this was all a dream.

He lifted you onto the counter gently, standing between your knees as he kissed you again, slower this time — not with urgency, but with weight. Your fingers slid into his hair, his hands resting on your thighs, thumbs rubbing soft circles against your skin like he was grounding himself in the reality of you.

“I want you,” he whispered back. “But not just like this.”

“Then how?”

He pressed his forehead to yours. “Like I’ve finally found my home.”

Your eyes stung, but you smiled.

“I want you too,” you breathed. “Like that.”

The world faded around you as he lifted you from the counter and carried you, lips brushing your temple, your shoulder, your hand. He laid you down in bed like you were something fragile — not weak, but precious. His shirt fell away, yours followed. No rush. No tension. Just layers falling away until only skin and breath remained.

His touch was slow. He kissed down your collarbone, between your breasts, over your stomach — pausing at every place his fingers had once only brushed. He whispered soft praises, nothing crude, just tender confessions: You’re so soft. I’ve never wanted anyone this way. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you feel safe.

When he finally entered you, it wasn’t the stretch you noticed first — it was the way his eyes didn’t leave yours, not even for a second.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, arms around his neck, anchoring yourself to him as he moved inside you with the kind of patience you didn’t know existed. Every roll of his hips felt like a promise. Every brush of his lips, a vow.

It built slowly — heat pooling low in your stomach, tears prickling at the corner of your eyes because it wasn’t just pleasure anymore. It was release. It was love.

You whispered his name like a prayer.

And he whispered yours back like it was the answer to everything he’d been missing.

When you came, it was soft and trembling, your breath catching in his mouth as you kissed him through it. He followed, moaning low and deep into your neck, his arms tightening around you like he was terrified to let go.

But he didn’t move away after.

He stayed on top of you, inside you, his fingers tracing your face like he was trying to remember this version of you forever.

“I love you,” he finally whispered, voice breaking.

You touched his lips with your fingers.

“I know. I feel it.”

And in that bed — skin to skin, heart to heart — you weren’t just lovers, or husband and wife.

You were something softer. Something sacred.

You were his again.

And for the first time… he let you be.

Final Epilogue – “Moonlight & Laughter”

The birthday dinner had ended with cake crumbs on everyone’s clothes and frosting in Jiyeon’s hair, but none of you wanted to go home just yet.

So Jaehyun had driven the four of you to the quiet park near the hospital, the one that stayed open late — the one with the soft lanterns that hung from the trees like sleepy fireflies.

Now the air was crisp and cool, the sky navy and full of stars. And you sat on a picnic blanket in the middle of the park, the soft hush of grass beneath you, your newborn cradled against your chest.

Jiyeon was running in wild little circles nearby, her pink dress now stained with ice cream, her laughter rising into the trees like music.

“Dad! Look!” she shouted, pointing to the stroller where Jaehyun had tucked the baby’s diaper bag. “He smiled at me! Baby smiled!”

Jaehyun, sitting beside you, chuckled and called back, “That’s because you’re his favorite.”

“I know!”

She bent down and kissed her baby brother’s forehead — all sticky fingers and warm cheeks — and whispered, “You were my birthday wish”

The End.

Feedback is welcome :)

___________________________________________

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jikookncity · 6 days ago

Text

Brother’s Best Friend Jaehyun x Reader (Smut)

WC: 4k, smut, dirty talk, oral sex, unprotected sex, shower sex, etc.

Jaehyun hasn't seen his best friend's little sister in 2 years and a lot has changed.

It started the day Jaehyun walked back into her life.

Two years away. Two years without his lazy smirks, his low voice, his teasing comments that always seemed to toe the line between playful and absolutely filthy. But when he strolled into his and Johnny’s kitchen—sun-kissed, hair blond and messy, tattoo just barely peeking from under his sleeve—Y/N swore her knees nearly gave out.

And Jaehyun noticed.

Of course he noticed.

“Look who grew up,” he murmured, eyeing her up and down shamelessly. “You always this pretty, or is it just fucking with my head today?”

Y/N flushed scarlet. She hadn’t her brothers best friend in two years and that’s the first thing out of his mouth? Moving back in with her brother and Jae was gonna be tough.

“You’re one to talk,” she mumbled, trying to look away.

But he stepped closer, eyes locked on hers, smirk playing on his lips. “Say that again, angel. I liked how that sounded.”

She scurried off, cheeks burning.

It only got worse after that.

Every time they crossed paths—Jaehyun alone in the hallway, shirtless in the kitchen, sprawled on the couch with that stupid smug smile—he’d say something.

“You know your skirt’s riding up, right?”

“Careful looking at me like that, baby. Someone might think you want something.”

“You keep biting your lip like that and I’m gonna start wondering what else that mouth’s good for.”

Each time, her throat dried, her heart raced, and her body responded way too fast.

But Jaehyun never touched her. Never crossed the line. He'd crowd her into a wall, whisper things into her ear, and back off with a lazy wink—just enough to ruin her for the rest of the day.

And she kept letting him. Kept loving it.

The Party

She wasn’t even supposed to be going. Johnny had said it was mostly older friends, college guys, exes—“boring,” he’d told her.

But when she heard Jaehyun would be there, Y/N made a choice.

A tight black dress. Strapless. Short. Paired with heels and gloss and a teasing perfume she hoped he’d notice. The moment she walked into the apartment, she saw the way heads turned—and more importantly, she felt his eyes on her.

Jaehyun was leaning against the wall with a drink in hand, laughing with someone. But the second he saw her, his jaw went slack. His gaze dragged over her—slow, dark, deliberate.

And he didn’t look away.

He didn’t approach her all night. He didn’t say anything. But she felt him everywhere—watching, pacing like a predator, drinking her in from across the room.

And finally, when she slipped into the kitchen for air, he followed.

“You wore that dress for me.”

Y/N spun around. Jaehyun stood in the doorway, shirt open at the collar, hair wild like he’d run his hand through it too many times. His voice was low, rough, already half-wrecked with frustration.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she whispered, clutching her cup.

He stalked closer. “You knew I’d be here. You knew what that dress would do to me.”

“I didn’t think you’d even notice.”

“Bullshit.” His eyes dragged down her body again. “You wanted me to notice. You want me to look at you and forget all the reasons I shouldn’t bend you over this counter right now.”

She swallowed, heart hammering. “We’re not doing this.”

His jaw ticked. “You think I want to want you?” He stepped closer. “You think this is easy for me? Knowing every inch of you is off-limits? Knowing I can’t fucking touch you because your brother would bury me alive?”

Y/N gasped as his hand flattened on the counter beside her hip, boxing her in without touching.

“You walk around like you don’t know what you’re doing,” Jaehyun growled. “Like you don’t see how I stare at your legs. Your lips. How I can’t stop thinking about the sounds you’d make if I had my mouth between your thighs.”

“Stop,” she whispered.

“Why?” His face was inches from hers now, voice ragged. “Because if I say one more filthy thing, you’re gonna let me pull that dress up and show you exactly how long I’ve been waiting to fuck you?”

“Jaehyun—”

“You want me to stop?” he asked, chest rising and falling fast. “Say it. Say you don’t think about it too. Say you haven’t imagined me fucking you so hard you forget your own name.”

She couldn’t speak. Her body was shaking.

But then she whispered, “We can’t…”

His forehead touched hers for a second, hot and desperate.

“I know we can’t,” he breathed. “But don’t lie to me, baby. Don’t lie to yourself.”

A pause. Their lips almost brushed. So close it hurt.

“I want you,” she admitted, barely audible. “So fucking bad.”

He let out a rough, broken sound—half a groan, half a curse—and stepped back like it physically hurt to leave her.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Me too.”

Another beat of silence. Then he looked her over one last time, hunger still sharp in his eyes.

“This tension’s gonna kill us.”

She nodded. “I know.”

They didn’t kiss. They didn’t touch.

They just stood there, burning alive, trying not to destroy everything.

Later that night...

Jaehyun hadn’t moved in twenty minutes.

He leaned back in a chair on the balcony, nursing the same drink while the rest of the guys hollered over some drinking game inside. His jaw was tight. His eyes tracked every shadow that passed near the kitchen—her. He hadn’t seen Y/N since she slipped out, cheeks flushed and lips parted like she wanted him to ruin her right there.

And fuck, he wanted to.

But he couldn’t.

“Bro,” one of the guys nudged him. “You good?”

“Hm?” Jaehyun looked up.

“You haven’t flirted with anyone all night. Usually by now you’re halfway into someone’s pants.”

Jaehyun gave a lazy smirk. “Guess I’m just not in the mood.”

But his voice lacked its usual cocky bite. His mind was still in that kitchen—her body inches from his, breath catching when he told her how much he wanted her.

“Not like you,” the guy muttered, squinting at him. “You’re not sulking over a girl, are you?”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Relax.”

But the guy didn’t drop it. “Wait... are you—”

A sudden commotion cut him off.

Shouting. From the front lawn.

Voices raised, sharp. A girl’s voice.

Jaehyun was already standing before the others processed what was happening. He recognized it immediately—her voice. Her angry voice.

By the time he pushed through the door and onto the porch, a small crowd had already formed near the edge of the lawn.

There she was—Y/N, flushed and furious, backing away from some drunk asshole with slick hair and a cocky stance.

“I said no,” she snapped, voice shaking. “Don’t touch me.”

“Come on,” the guy slurred. “You’ve been giving me looks all night.”

Jaehyun didn’t hesitate.

He was down the steps in two strides, pushing through the crowd, voice sharp and deadly.

“She said no. Back the fuck off.”

The guy blinked at him, confused. “Who the hell are you?”

Jaehyun stepped between them, towering over him now. “The last person you want to piss off tonight.”

The guy scoffed, tried to square up—drunk and dumb.

And Jaehyun didn’t give him the chance.

He punched him—clean, hard, right in the face.

The guy hit the ground like a sack of bricks, groaning, hands clutching his nose.

The crowd gasped. Someone laughed. Someone cheered. And Jaehyun just stood there, chest heaving, teeth clenched, fists still curled like he wanted to throw another.

Y/N stared at him, breathless. Eyes wide. Lips parted. She grabbed his hand and he unclenched his fists and gave her a soft look.

Johnny came out seconds later, saw the scene, and rushed over, both of them quickly letting go.

“What the hell happened?”

Jaehyun didn’t even look at him. “Your sister was dealing with some creep who didn’t know what no meant.”

Johnny looked between the guy on the ground and Y/N—who was visibly shaken—and then back at Jaehyun.

His expression softened.

“Thanks for stepping in, man,” Johnny said, clapping a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “Seriously.”

Jaehyun nodded once, barely. “Anytime.”

But he wasn’t thinking about the fight anymore.

He was thinking about the way Y/N looked at him just now—like she wanted to fall into his arms and never come out.

Later That Night – Jaehyun’s Room

It was quiet.

The party had died down. Most people had left. Johnny was still out back finishing drinks with a few stragglers.

Jaehyun lay on his bed, shirt off, muscles tense, replaying that moment over and over. Her voice. The way her eyes had found his. The heat still thrumming in his chest.

Then a soft knock.

He sat up fast. “Yeah?”

The door cracked open. Y/N slipped in.

Short shorts. A thin tank top. No bra. Hair down. Barefoot.

Every nerve in Jaehyun’s body snapped awake.

“I… just wanted to thank you,” she whispered, stepping in and closing the door behind her. “For earlier.”

He swallowed hard, trying to keep his eyes on hers. “He shouldn’t have touched you.”

“I was handling it,” she said, a smile playing on her lips.

“Not fast enough.”

They both laughed softly. The air between them buzzed.

Then she walked closer.

So close.

He sat on the edge of the bed, and she stopped in front of him. Her fingers brushed his knuckles—light, unsure. Then her other hand cupped his cheek, gently, tenderly.

Her lips pressed against his cheek. A soft kiss. A thank-you.

But then she lingered. Just a second too long.

And when she pulled back, their lips brushed.

Soft. Barely-there. But real.

Jaehyun didn’t move.

Neither did she.

Her breath trembled. “Jae…”

Then—

SLAM.

The front door opened. Johnny’s voice echoed through the house.

“Yo! Anyone still awake?”

They froze.

Y/N stepped back quickly, cheeks flushed, heart pounding.

Jaehyun stood too, tension radiating off him in waves.

“We shouldn’t…”

“No,” he agreed, voice tight. “We shouldn’t.”

But their eyes said everything else.

She slipped out of the room a second later, heartbeat still in her throat.

And Jaehyun sat back down, fists clenched in his lap, jaw tight, cursing every goddamn reason he couldn’t have her.

The Next Day

The backyard smelled like grilled meat, sunscreen, and summer sweat. The gang was loud—music playing, beers clinking, people laughing too hard at nothing. Y/N sat on a bench under the umbrella, trying to pretend she was listening to Johnny talk about some dumb lawn game.

But she couldn’t focus. Not with him there.

Jaehyun.

Laid back in a white tank top that clung to his chest, golden skin glowing under the sun, hair pushed back lazily as he nursed a beer. He looked like sin in human form. And every time he glanced at her—every slow drag of his eyes—her thighs pressed tighter together under the table.

He hadn’t said a word to her all afternoon.

Not a single filthy whisper. Not a single cocky smirk.

Which made her want it more.

And he knew it.

Later, she slipped inside to grab napkins from the kitchen—and the second the screen door shut behind her, she felt it.

His presence.

She turned, startled, just as Jaehyun’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her down the hallway.

“Jae—what are you—”

“Shhh,” he muttered, glancing over his shoulder. No one noticed.

And then they were in the narrow hallway, alone, hidden from the windows.

He backed her into the wall—crowding her in. One hand on the wall beside her head, the other gripping her chin, thumb grazing her lower lip.

“Wearing those little shorts again,” he murmured, voice low and deadly. “Trying to make me lose my mind in front of all our friends?”

Y/N couldn’t breathe.

“You haven’t even looked at me all day,” she whispered.

His eyes darkened. “Because if I looked at you too long, I’d drag you inside and make you scream my name.”

Her knees buckled.

“You want that, don’t you?” he murmured, leaning closer—his breath hot on her ear. “You want me to take you right here. Up against this wall. My hand over your mouth so they don’t hear you moan.”

Y/N whimpered.

Jaehyun groaned, deep in his throat. “You’d be so fucking loud for me.”

Before she could stop herself, her hands slid up his chest. Her thighs pressed together. And then she ground herself on his leg—slow, needy, shameless.

“Fuck, baby…” he hissed, thigh flexing under her. “You’re dripping for me, aren’t you?”

Her fingers gripped his shirt. Her hips kept moving, grinding up the length of his thigh like she couldn’t help herself.

His forehead touched hers. Their lips brushed.

Barely.

She let out a breathy, desperate moan straight into his mouth.

And Jaehyun snapped.

Not all the way.

But enough to shove his hand over her mouth, breathing hard as he held her there, both of them trembling.

“Stop,” he panted. “Y/N, stop—fuck—”

She slowed.

But she didn’t back away. Her eyes were glassy. Her cheeks flushed. Her body buzzed with the tension still thick between them.

He leaned in, whispering against her ear again, voice wrecked. “You do that again and I won’t stop next time.”

A beat passed. Her thighs clenched.

Then—voices.

“Where’s Y/N?” “Didn’t she go inside?” “Yo, Jae! You seen her?”

They froze.

Jaehyun exhaled sharply, composed himself. Dropped his hand from her mouth. Straightened his shirt. Ran a hand through his hair.

Y/N looked equally wrecked.

They took a breath.

And then they walked out together—calm, casual, like nothing had happened.

“Oh,” Jaehyun said easily, slinging an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “She spilled juice in the kitchen. We were cleaning it up.”

Johnny blinked. “You cleaned a spill?”

Jaehyun smiled lazily. “What can I say? I’m helpful.”

Y/N laughed—too high-pitched. “So helpful.”

And no one questioned it.

But under the table, Jaehyun’s hand brushed her thigh. Just once.

A silent promise.

When they had a moment alone later Jaehyun thought it over. They can't keep going like this. He was too attracted to her and it wouldn't end well. Even a little bit isn't enough. He had to cut her off.

"We can't be friends." Jae said guiltily when they were alone.

"What?" Y/n looked in shock.

"I can't be your friend. Because I'll never think of you or see you as my friend. And every time we have a normal interaction I'm just thinking about everything I wanna do to you and how your brother would kill me if he found out."

Y/n scoffed offended. "You don't even wanna be friends? That's a lame excuse Jae, even from you. But fine. You got it, we're no longer friends."

Over the next few days tensions grew with their constant bickering and y/n wearing more revealing clothing around the house.

It started with another fight.

Jaehyun had been moody all day—gruff responses, tense jaw, barely speaking to anyone. Y/N finally snapped after he gave her yet another cold stare when she passed him in the hallway.

“What the hell is your problem?” she hissed, arms crossed tight.

“You,” he bit out. “You’re my fucking problem.”

Her heart stuttered.

“You don’t want me. You don’t want to be friends. So what do you want from me, Jaehyun? We both live in this house so suck it up.”

“I want to stop thinking about you every time you breathe in the same damn room!” His voice cracked. “I can’t—fuck—I can’t pretend this is normal. I can’t act like I’m not dying to touch you every second.”

Y/N stared at him, chest heaving. Her cheeks burned with anger and something else. “Fine,” she snapped, voice cold. “You don’t want to deal with me? Then don’t.”

That night, she went on a date with someone else.

Later That Night

The restaurant was awful. The guy was worse. He talked over her, laughed at nothing, stared at her chest the entire time.

And when he leaned in, trying to kiss her outside by her Uber, she shoved him away and ran.

Tears burned in her eyes as she called the only person she knew would come.

“Jae…” she whispered when he answered. “Can you… can you pick me up?”

He didn’t hesitate. He picked her up and drove her back to their place, the car ride thick with silence.

It was pouring.

The sky cracked open above them, rain spilling like it had been waiting for this moment—just like them.

Y/N got out of the car and stood at the edge of the driveway, soaked and seething, arms crossed under her chest as thunder rolled in the distance. Her white tank clung to her breasts like second skin, completely see-through, nipples clearly visible. Her tiny denim skirt was soaked and hitched up high, the hot pink waistband of her panties teasing just above the fabric.

And Jaehyun—black shirt plastered to his chest, cargo pants hugging his hips, tattoos glistening in the storm—stood there with his jaw clenched, looking like he was on the verge of tearing something apart.

He was.

“What the hell are you doing calling me?” he snapped, stepping into the rain. “Didn’t you run off to your perfect little date?”

She spun around, drenched hair whipping over her shoulder. “Don’t start.”

“Don’t fucking start?” His laugh was humorless. “You go out, dressed like that, trying to pretend I don’t exist, then cry for me to come save you like I’m still the good guy?”

“I called you because it's your fucking fault I went on that date in the first place. I didn’t know who else to—!”

“No,” he growled, stepping closer, “you called me because even when you’re pissed at me, you still want me.”

Her breath caught.

Jaehyun's eyes dragged down her body, tongue darting out over his bottom lip. “You really think I didn’t notice that tiny little skirt, that wet tank, those bright fucking panties begging to be pulled down?”

Her eyes widened, but he wasn’t done.

“You walk around dripping wet, tits out, skirt barely covering your ass—and I’m supposed to keep pretending I don’t want to bend you over every surface I see?”

Y/N’s lips parted in shock.

“You think I haven’t pictured it?” he hissed. “Your legs spread in my backseat, you wrapped around me while my tongue is down your throat? Or your mouth gagged on my cock, crying while I throat fuck every thought of every other guy out of your head?”

Her knees buckled slightly. He saw it—and grinned. Dark. Filthy.

She shoved at his chest. “You're such a—”

But he grabbed her.

Fisted her skirt and panties, yanking her flush against him. Her gasp was swallowed by the sound of rain, her breath catching when she felt how hard he was through his pants.

“I’ve had enough of pretending,” he rasped. His lips brushed hers. “I’m fucking done.”

Then his voice dropped, hot and filthy against her mouth:

“Fuck it.”

And then he took her mouth.

It was wild. Open. Tongues colliding. His lips crushed hers, tongue shoving into her mouth like he was claiming it—like he’d been waiting years to taste her. His hand stayed tight on her panties, holding her body against his while he devoured her, spit and rain mixing between them.

Y/N moaned into it—helplessly—gripping his shirt like she needed something to hang on to.

Jaehyun groaned, deep and rough, sucking on her tongue before biting her bottom lip just to hear her whimper.

“You feel that?” he growled between kisses, grinding into her soaked skirt. “That’s what you fucking do to me.”

She was panting, dazed, lips swollen.

And he wasn’t done.

“I swear to god, if Johnny wasn’t your brother—” he shoved her back against the wall of the house, kissing her again, even harder this time— “I’d have fucked you right here. In the rain. With your panties still on.”

When they finally broke apart, both wrecked and breathless, her voice trembled.

“I want you.”

He wiped the rain from her cheek, staring at her like she was his breaking point and salvation at once.

“You’ve got me,” he whispered. “Now I’m done hiding it.”

The kiss didn’t stop.

Even as Jaehyun dragged her back into the house, their mouths stayed fused—wet, frantic, tongues tangling while their soaked bodies bumped into walls and doorframes. His hand stayed tight on her waist, the other sliding up under her clingy, dripping tank, fingers kneading over bare, slick skin.

He kicked his bedroom door shut and slammed her against it, lips pressing into her jaw, her throat, her collarbone. He groaned when he felt the heat of her body through the thin fabric, both of them soaked to the bone and breathless.

“Clothes,” he growled against her mouth, tugging hard at the hem of her top. “Off. Now.”

She whimpered as he peeled the wet fabric off her—tank top first, tossed somewhere on the floor. Her skirt followed with a harsh tug, panties bunched with it. His black shirt clung to his abs, tattoos snaking over soaked muscle as he pulled it off over his head.

She barely had a second to breathe before his lips were on her again—hot, hungry, starved—pushing her backward until her thighs hit the edge of his shower.

Jaehyun spun the handle.

Steam rushed out as hot water poured down from above.

He walked her straight into it, fully naked, his mouth still locked on hers. Their bodies collided under the stream, her back hitting the tile wall with a wet slap.

He didn’t let up.

His hands roamed—fisting her ass, dragging her against his thick length, sliding over her hips and ribs and chest, palms rough and greedy. His mouth dipped to her neck, sucking hard enough to leave marks, biting just below her jaw before kissing her again—deep and messy, with his tongue shoved so far into her mouth she could barely breathe.

“You feel that?” he growled, grinding into her under the water. “That’s what I’ve been hiding. Every night. Every time you walked past me looking like a fucking dream.”

“Jae—” she gasped, nails digging into his back.

“You don’t even know what you’ve done to me,” he snarled, grabbing her thighs. “But I’m about to show you.”

Then he lifted her.

Y/N yelped, arms wrapping around his shoulders as he pinned her back to the wall, her legs hooked around his waist. His cock pressed hot and hard between them, and then—with one deep thrust—he was inside her.

She cried out, head snapping back.

Jaehyun moaned—a filthy, guttural sound—his forehead resting against hers as he started to move, slow at first, then harder, faster, relentless.

“You’re so tight,” he groaned, biting her bottom lip. “So fucking perfect. You were made for this. For me.”

Water rushed around them. Their skin slapped wetly with every thrust. She clung to him, moaning into his mouth, and he kissed her through all of it—tongue tangled with hers, hand gripping her ass as he pounded into her.

“You wanted this too,” he panted against her lips. “You’ve been teasing me, dressing like that, looking at me like you needed me to ruin you.”

And god, he was ruining her—completely.

When they came, they came together—loud, messy, full-body shudders against the tile wall, mouths fused as they moaned into each other’s throats.

But Jaehyun wasn’t done.

Still breathing heavy, he set her down gently, kissing her temple as her legs shook. She barely had time to process the comedown before he dropped to his knees.

“Jae—” she gasped, wide-eyed.

“Don’t stop me,” he said darkly, voice hoarse with want. “You think I’m done tasting you?”

Then he spread her thighs, still trembling, and buried his face between them.

Y/N nearly screamed—clamping her own hand over her mouth just in time.

His tongue was ruthless. Flicking, sucking, dragging through her slick folds like he couldn’t get enough. The water poured down around them, hot and pounding, but all she could feel was his mouth—his filthy, expert mouth—and the way he groaned like he was addicted to the taste of her.

“Keep that hand there,” he muttered against her, tongue dragging up again. “You don’t want Johnny hearing how much you love this.”

And she couldn’t even reply.

Because her body was already shaking again—under the water, on the wall, around Jaehyun’s mouth.

Want the rest? Subscribe to my patron here or view this full story.

Sneak peak below of what comes next:

Johnny wandered in, sipping coffee, squinting at him.

Jaehyun raised a brow. “What?”

Johnny gestured at his chest. “You’ve got scratches. Everywhere.”

Jae froze mid-bite. “Huh?”

“And hickeys,” Johnny added casually. “Neck. Collarbone. Even your ribs, bro. Who the hell were you with last night?”

Jaehyun choked—literally—on the toast.

Coughing violently, he reached for his water. “I—uh—just… a girl. From the party. I don’t… remember her name.”

Johnny narrowed his eyes. “Huh. Funny.”

#nct imagines #nct x reader #nct 127 #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x you #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #nct jaehyun #jeong jaehyun

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cbeargyu · 1 month ago

Text

ALL FOR HIM ♡

summary: you were just the shy girl everyone picked on—until jaehyun stood up for you. from that moment on, you couldn’t stop thinking about him… and when he finally takes you, right there at school, you let him do whatever he wants. because he’s jaehyun. and you’re his.

pairing: popular!jaehyun x shy fem!reader

genre: smut, bullying, possessive love, obsession, breeding kink, slow burn.

warnings: smut, bullying, explicit language, dirty talk, titjob, blowjob, breeding kink, public setting (school), possessiveness, emotional manipulation, oral sex, explicit descriptions of sex, dominant/submissive dynamics, unprotected sex (implied), masturbation. reader has big tits.

wc: 5,1k

you were used to it by now. the whispers, the laughter that wasn't quite hidden, the way your name passed between lips like a joke, something to smirk about. it had started freshman year and followed you like a curse ever since — a quiet, intelligent girl with a full chest and too much silence to defend herself with. you didn’t talk back. you never did. they liked that. it made things easier for them.

you had been trying to get to your locker that day, clutching your books to your chest, eyes on the floor as usual, when one of them blocked your path — tall, loud, one of the usual assholes, with a stupid grin on his face and a crowd behind him.

“what’s the matter?” he laughed. “books too heavy for your big-ass tits to carry?”

you winced, shoulders curling in, trying to push past, but he stepped closer, towering over you. someone else behind him snickered. you hated the way they looked at you — like your body was the only thing about you that existed. like your face didn’t matter. like you were just... meat.

and then, it happened.

a loud thud — the sound of a basketball slamming into skin — followed by a sharp grunt of pain. the guy in front of you stumbled back, clutching his nose, blood already dripping between his fingers. gasps filled the hallway. you blinked, stunned, just in time to see him.

jung jaehyun.

walking toward you with the kind of calm that could only come from someone who knew his power. he was tall, strong, with broad shoulders and that clean-cut look everyone in school adored — uniform perfect, tie loose around his neck, the sleeves of his shirt rolled just enough to show the veins in his forearms. and god, that face. that beautiful, unfairly symmetrical face. smooth skin, sharp jawline, soft eyes, and a smile that had dimples deep enough to drown in.

“get lost.”

he didn’t smile now, though. his eyes were cold.

“you deaf or just fucking stupid?” jaehyun asked, voice low and dangerous as he stepped right up to the guy who had just been mocking you. “i said get lost.”

no one moved.

jaehyun tilted his head. “do i need to break your nose again?”

the guy muttered something and scurried off, dragging the others with him. no one dared to stay. jaehyun had that kind of pull — not just popularity, but respect. he was the star of the basketball team, the top of the class, the golden boy. he never caused trouble, but you just knew that if he did, no one would ever dare challenge him.

when the hallway finally cleared, you realized you were still frozen. still clutching your books like a shield.

jaehyun turned to you then, and the sharpness in his expression melted instantly. he looked at you like you mattered. like he saw you.

“you okay?” he asked, voice soft now, warm like sunlight.

you nodded, too shocked to speak.

he crouched slightly to pick up the notebook you hadn’t even realized you dropped, and when he handed it to you, your fingers brushed. his skin was warm.

“listen,” he said, eyes locked on yours, “if anyone ever fucks with you again, you tell me. i’ll deal with it.”

you stared at him, heart pounding, face burning. you’d never had anyone say something like that to you. no one had everstood up for you.

“thank you,” you whispered.

and he smiled. not a polite smile — not the kind he gave teachers or classmates — but a real one. soft and open, the kind that made his eyes crinkle at the corners and his dimples sink deep into his cheeks.

“anytime,” he said, and then he was walking away, basketball back in his hands, spinning it lazily on one finger as if nothing had happened.

from that moment on, he was everywhere. or maybe you were just seeing him for the first time.

every time he stepped into the classroom, spinning his ball, that same lopsided smile on his face, your heart clenched painfully in your chest. sometimes he’d catch your gaze and wave, and you’d feel your breath hitch, cheeks turning pink as you quickly looked away.

you started writing about him. not because you wanted to — you needed to. your notebooks were full of little pieces of him. how his eyes turned into crescent moons when he laughed. how he always tapped his pencil against the desk when he was thinking. how he’d tie a black headband into his hair when studying, pushing it back to reveal his perfect forehead, his sharp brows, his devastating focus.

you wrote about how he always smelled like clean soap and faint cologne. how he bit his lip when he concentrated. how he always sat with one leg bouncing slightly, headphones in, completely lost in whatever music he was listening to.

you wrote about how good he looked in uniform — shirt crisp, blazer fitting him like it had been made for his body, tie loose just enough to show the curve of his neck. you memorized the way his throat moved when he swallowed water after a game, how sweat clung to his temples, how his chest rose and fell under the fabric when he caught his breath.

and sometimes… when you were alone… you let yourself write the filthier parts, the ones you’d never say out loud. the ones you weren’t supposed to think about. how it would feel to have his fingers inside you — those long, beautiful fingers that handled basketballs and pencils and textbooks with such easy precision.

you couldn’t stop. you were obsessed.

the dreams were getting worse — or better, depending on how you looked at it. every night, your brain pulled you into a fantasy soaked with heat and desperation, and he was always at the center of it. jung jaehyun. kissing you senseless in an empty classroom, whispering things that made your toes curl, pinning your wrists down while his mouth did sinful things to your body. sometimes he’d press you against the lockers, sometimes he’d have you on your knees in the locker room, his voice low and breathless, calling you pretty while he ruined you.

you would wake up flushed, sheets tangled around your legs, thighs slick and sticky, chest rising and falling like you had just run a marathon. you didn’t know how to stop it. you didn’t want to. you were too far gone, too deep in this obsession. you thought about him when you were brushing your teeth, when you were walking home, when the teacher said his name during attendance and your heart would stutter painfully in your chest.

he was inside your head, in your notebooks, in your fucking dreams.

and then came the moment — so small, so brief, but it set your entire soul on fire.

you had been organizing your books after class, everyone else already rushing off to lunch, when you felt a presence beside you. your heart jumped in panic, thinking it was another one of the bullies, but then you heard his voice — calm and warm like a quiet summer afternoon.

“you always stay behind?”

you turned your head and there he was, leaning one arm against the locker next to yours, a lazy smile on his face.

“uh… sometimes,” you answered, your voice barely audible.

he chuckled softly, dimples forming. “you’re always so quiet. it’s kinda cute.”

and then, as if he hadn’t just completely set your whole world upside down, he straightened up and walked away, hands in his pockets, tossing a casual, “see you in gym,” over his shoulder like it was nothing.

but to you, it wasn’t nothing. it was everything.

the image of him calling you cute looped in your head like a broken record, every word replaying with different meanings. you couldn’t eat. you couldn’t breathe. how were you supposed to sit through a full gym class with him now?

the next day, the coach had you all out on the track for timed sprints. full laps around the court, the sun already high and merciless.

“four laps,” the coach barked. “let’s see if any of you are faster than last week.”

jaehyun, of course, was at the front — smooth, effortless, like running didn’t even tire him. he finished in under four minutes, barely breaking a sweat, his black shirt clinging to his back, his arms flexing with every movement as he jogged to a stop and checked his time.

you, on the other hand, were dying. you hadn’t even finished your second lap and already your lungs were burning, your legs threatening to give out, your hair sticking to your face in humid strands. you ran like a baby deer — clumsy, off balance, desperate to just finish.

you could hear the laughter behind you.

“jesus, look at those things bounce,” one of the guys snorted, pointing. “they’ve got more movement than she does.”

you didn’t have to look back to know they were talking about your chest again. your face burned with shame, but you didn’t stop. you kept running — slow, pathetic — wishing you could disappear.

from the sidelines, jaehyun had been sipping from his water bottle, head tilted back, sweat glistening along the side of his neck. the moment he heard the voices behind him, his smile faded. his eyes narrowed.

he turned — and then he saw you.

struggling to keep pace, chest heaving, arms barely lifting. and, fuck. he hated himself for it, but his eyes slipped down. just for a second. just long enough to catch the way your breasts moved with every step, pushed up tight against your gym shirt, too big to be ignored.

he looked away fast, jaw clenching, swallowing hard. he hadn’t meant to do that. you were you — the quiet, sweet girl who wrote notes in class and blushed whenever he waved at her. but his body didn’t care about intentions. his palms suddenly felt hot.

and then you stumbled.

your knees gave out mid-step and you crashed to the floor with a soft cry, your hands catching you just barely before you face-planted. a burst of dust rose around you as your body trembled, trying to get up, but you just coughed, hunched over, chest rising and falling like you couldn’t breathe.

jaehyun didn’t hesitate. he was already running toward you, weaving between students, dropping to his knees in front of you.

“hey— hey, are you okay?”

you blinked up at him, dazed, tears pricking at your eyes from the embarrassment and the pain and the heat.

he reached for you gently, one hand on your waist, the other on your shoulder, steadying you as you tried to sit up. your forehead pressed against his chest for a second, and that’s when it happened — your body tilted forward, and your breasts, full and warm, pressed flush against him.

jaehyun stiffened, just for a second. you felt the tension ripple through him, the way his breath caught in his throat. but he didn’t move away. he kept holding you, focused on your face.

“don’t move too fast,” he murmured. “breathe first.”

you nodded, barely hearing his words over the rush in your ears. you could smell him — clean sweat and soft cologne and something uniquely him. you could feel his arm tightening just slightly around your waist, the strength of his grip making your stomach flutter with heat.

you felt dizzy. not from the fall — but from him.

he took you to the infirmary himself. one arm wrapped around your waist the entire way, supporting your weight, even though you swore your knees were about to give out for a completely different reason. the nurse gasped a little when she saw you, ushering you inside quickly. she cleaned your hands first, then your scraped knees, the sting of antiseptic barely registered against the pounding of your heart. she gave you a bottle of electrolyte water and laid you down on the cot, drawing the thin curtain half-closed around the bed. jaehyun lingered near the corner, arms crossed over his chest, brows slightly furrowed with worry.

“you’ll be okay,” he said quietly, more to himself than to you.

the nurse told him he could go, that you’d be taken care of. he hesitated, then finally turned to leave. but just before slipping past the curtain, he paused and looked back at you.

your lips parted. you wanted to say thank you, to tell him how much it meant to you. but your throat tightened. your mouth wouldn’t move. so you just stared, wide-eyed and grateful, as he gave you the softest smile and walked away.

that image of him—turning back just for you—haunted you the rest of the day.

now, the school was silent. the sun was beginning to set, painting orange stripes across the dusty floor. you were sitting in the very back row of the empty classroom, in your regular uniform again, knees together, hands on your lap. your wounds still stung faintly beneath the bandages.

you weren’t sure why you hadn’t gone home yet. maybe you were waiting for the hallway to clear completely. maybe you were waiting for your heart to calm down. maybe… you were just hoping.

when the sliding door suddenly slammed open, you flinched, body jerking in surprise.

“y/n?”

you turned and saw him—jaehyun, standing at the doorway, his bag slung lazily over one shoulder, eyes widening when he saw you still there.

“what’re you doing here?”

you swallowed, clutching your skirt tightly. “i… i was just waiting… for time to pass,” you mumbled.

he blinked. “huh?”

you shook your head, embarrassed. “nevermind… what about you?”

he walked down the row toward his desk. “forgot my books.”

you watched him crouch, reach under his chair, and pull out a pair of thick textbooks. he dusted one off and sighed, then straightened up and turned toward you.

“guess i’ll see y—”

“wait.”

you stood up quickly, heart hammering in your throat. he paused mid-step, looking at you curiously.

you took a deep breath, walking slowly toward him. “i… i didn’t get to thank you properly. earlier. at the infirmary.”

his face softened. “you don’t have to—”

“but i want to,” you interrupted. “you’ve always helped me. since the beginning. you defended me. you smiled at me. you… you noticed me, when no one else ever did.”

he seemed confused, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “it’s really not a big deal…”

you stepped in closer, until you were right in front of him. your hands came up, trembling slightly, fingers curling around his forearms. he went still.

“let me show you how much it means to me,” you whispered.

your voice was soft but firm, and for the first time in a long time, you looked him straight in the eye. your gaze must’ve shaken him, because his breath caught, lips parting slightly.

you saw it clearly—his pupils dilated, his throat working in a hard swallow, his fingers twitching where they gripped his books.

he nodded. just once.

you dropped slowly to your knees in front of him. his books thudded quietly to the desk behind him, and his hands hovered awkwardly in the air as he stared down at you, his cheeks beginning to flush a soft pink.

“w-wait… you don’t have to—”

“don’t run away,” you said gently, undoing the button of his pants. “please… just let me do this. for you.”

your fingers slipped inside his waistband, tugging his boxers down just enough to free him. his cock was already semi-hard, twitching slightly from the anticipation. you wrapped your hand around it, stroking slowly, feeling it grow heavier, thicker, until it stood hard in your palm.

“fuck…” he whispered, barely audible.

you leaned forward, brushing your lips against the tip before pressing a soft kiss to it. his hips jerked subtly, the sound of your lips parting filling the space between you. you opened your mouth and took him in slowly, inch by inch, until your nose brushed his skin.

he gasped above you, both hands flying to your head—but he didn’t push, didn’t move. he just stood there, mouth slightly open, watching you with wide, stunned eyes.

you began to bob your head gently, hollowing your cheeks, tongue curling under him every time you came back up. soft, wet sounds filled the classroom.

“ah— shit— y/n…”

you looked up at him through your lashes, and he visibly trembled.

after a few minutes, you pulled off him with a soft pop, your hand still stroking him slowly. then, with shaking fingers, you reached up to unbutton your blouse.

he swallowed thickly as your shirt fell open, revealing your soft pink lace bra—delicate and low-cut, barely containing your breasts.

“jesus christ…” he whispered.

you reached behind and unclasped it, letting your full breasts bounce free. his eyes darkened instantly.

“you’ve… thought about this, haven’t you?” you asked softly, taking his cock again and pressing it between them. “thought about these tits around your cock?”

he couldn’t even speak—he just groaned, his hips twitching forward involuntarily.

you spit lightly on your cleavage, then sandwiched him between your breasts, squeezing them together, watching his shaft disappear into the softness.

“so big,” you whispered, beginning to move. “you’re so fucking hard already… is it because you like my tits? you always stare, don’t think i don’t notice… dirty boy…”

“f-fuck—”

he was a mess, jaw slack, hands digging into the desk behind him for support.

“does it feel good? fucking my tits like this?”

he nodded helplessly, eyes locked on the way your breasts bounced with every movement.

“gonna cum for me?”

“y/n, i— i can’t—”

you smirked, speeding up, pressing your chest tighter around him.

“do it, jaehyun. cum for me. give it to me. right on my tits— on my face— anywhere you want…”

that was it.

with a loud, choked moan, his hips bucked one final time and he came—thick spurts landing hot across your chest, your neck, and the corner of your lips.

you closed your eyes, letting it paint you, sticky and warm, your own thighs rubbing together beneath your skirt from how insanely turned on you were.

you looked up at him, covered in his release, breathing heavily.

and jaehyun just stared—like he’d never seen anything more erotic in his entire life.

his breath was still ragged when he looked down at you—your chest heaving, the mess he made still warm across your skin, your lips slightly parted, a satisfied, sinful little smile tugging at the corners. you looked wrecked, ruined, and yet—so eager. so ready for more. he didn’t even realize he was moving until his hand wrapped firmly around your wrist, tugging you up with surprising strength.

“jaehyun—?”

you barely had time to speak before he spun you around and pressed you down against the long table behind you. the wood was cold against your thighs, but your skin was on fire. his grip on your wrist loosened only when your back hit the surface, and then—then both of his hands were on your waist, pushing you higher onto the desk, sliding you into place like he knew exactly where he wanted you.

his eyes were darker now, focused. his lips were parted, but not from surprise—no, this was hunger. and you couldn’t breathe. your whole body shivered, because for the first time, jaehyun wasn’t soft, or shy, or hesitating.

he was taking.

you looked up at him, pupils wide and glassy. your hands slid behind you, propping yourself up as your legs instinctively fell apart—slow, deliberate—an offering. your skirt rose high on your thighs, barely covering anything anymore, and jaehyun’s gaze flickered down, locking on the sight of your glistening underwear. he stepped forward, and the bulge pressing against his boxers brushed right over your clothed heat.

“fuck,” he muttered under his breath, almost like a prayer.

his hands went to your knees, gently pushing them even wider apart. his body settled between your legs perfectly, and when he leaned down, you could feel the pressure of him—still hard, already twitching again—grinding slow and steady against your soaked panties.

“you were waiting for this, weren’t you?” his voice was low now, rough with need. “you wanted me to lose control…”

you whimpered, nodding, your hips rising slightly to chase the friction.

“you’re so wet already,” he murmured, dragging his fingers down your inner thigh before pressing against the soaked fabric. “fuck, y/n… this is all for me?”

“yes,” you breathed, voice trembling. “always you…”

his lips crashed onto yours—not soft, not tender, but needy and desperate. you melted into the kiss, moaning when his tongue slid into your mouth, his hand already curling under the hem of your skirt, tugging your panties aside to feel how soaked you truly were. his fingers slid through your folds, teasing, barely dipping inside.

“god… you’re dripping…”

his cock rubbed against your bare slit now, still restrained by his boxers, but so hot and thick you could feel every ridge and pulse. you rolled your hips instinctively, wanting him, needing him.

“please…” you begged against his lips, eyes fluttering shut. “i want you… jaehyun, i want you so bad...”

he kissed you again, deeper this time, groaning into your mouth as his fingers dug into your thighs and spread you wider on the table.

and then he whispered against your lips, voice wrecked, trembling—

“then let me fuck you like you deserve.”

you barely had time to react before jaehyun gripped your waist tighter and pulled back just enough to free himself. his cock sprang free—hard, thick, flushed dark at the tip, slick with your spit from earlier. your mouth parted at the sight, eyes wide, pulse rushing so loud it almost drowned out the sound of your own breathing.

he didn’t tease. didn’t ask. he just looked at you—those deep eyes locking onto yours—and pressed the fat head of his cock right against your soaked entrance. you gasped, thighs trembling around his hips, and when he pushed in, slow but steady, your nails scratched at the wood of the desk beneath you.

“fuck—so tight,” he groaned, jaw clenched as your walls swallowed inch after inch. “you were made for this, weren’t you? made to take me like this.”

your body arched, lips falling open in a silent moan as he bottomed out—so deep you swore you could feel him in your stomach. your fingers reached up blindly, gripping his shoulders, needing to hold onto something as he started to move, rolling his hips with a rhythm that made your breath hitch.

“ah—jae... fuck, you're so deep...”

“yeah?” he panted, one hand sliding up your side, gripping your throat just enough to hold your focus. his thrusts quickened, sharper now, every stroke hitting that spot that made your vision blur. “you like this, baby? you like me fucking you open like this?”

“yes—yes, please, don’t stop—”

his mouth dropped to your neck, lips hot and wet as he kissed, licked, then bit, groaning into your skin as you clenched around him. your legs wrapped tighter around his waist, hips lifting to meet every thrust, desperate, unhinged.

he didn’t slow down. couldn’t. your cunt was so wet, sucking him in, and the sounds between you were filthy—skin on skin, your moans mixing with his curses, the desk creaking beneath you. he pulled back to look at you again, hand still on your throat, his thumb brushing over your jaw as he whispered against your lips:

“you want it?” he asked, voice low, shaky. “want me to cum inside? fill you up like the dirty girl you are?”

your whole body shuddered. you nodded, gasping as your nails dug into his arms.

“yes—yes, please, jaehyun—cum in me, fill me up, i want it so bad,” you moaned, voice breaking. “please breed me... i want your cum inside me, i want you to make me yours, fuck a baby into me—please—”

his hips stuttered.

“fuck—say it again,” he groaned, pounding into you harder now, rougher.

“i want you to get me pregnant,” you cried out, tears pricking the corners of your eyes from how deep he was. “i want it, i want all of it, fill me up—don’t pull out, please, jaehyun—”

he lost it.

with a guttural growl, his hand tightened on your waist, slamming into you with everything he had left. your thighs trembled, body twitching as he fucked you through the most intense orgasm yet—your vision went white, walls spasming violently around his cock.

“fuckfuckfuck—i’m gonna cum—” he choked, slamming into you one final time and staying there, buried to the hilt. “take it, take all of it—fucking take my cum—”

his hips jerked as he spilled inside you, hot and heavy, pulse after pulse of thick, messy release flooding your walls. you moaned loudly, holding him close, feeling every twitch, every drop leaking out around his cock.

he stayed there, breathing hard against your neck, both of you drenched in sweat and panting like you'd run a marathon.

“god…” he whispered, lips brushing your temple. “you feel so good. i don’t ever wanna stop.”

you smiled, blissful, dazed, and fucked-out beneath him.

his cock was still buried deep inside you, twitching slightly as your walls fluttered around him, still trying to recover from the last orgasm. your body was limp beneath him, warm and soft, and your chest rose and fell with heavy, satisfied breaths. but jaehyun didn’t move away. he didn’t even pull out. instead, he cupped your face gently, brushing damp strands of hair from your cheek, eyes locked on yours with a hunger that hadn’t faded in the slightest.

“you okay, baby?” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.

you nodded slowly, voice gone, lips swollen and parted as you blinked up at him with hazy, blissed-out eyes. you could still feel his cum inside you, thick and hot, slowly dripping out around where his cock stayed snug inside your soaked pussy. the sensation alone made your thighs tremble again.

“you’re so fucking pretty like this,” he murmured, thumb stroking your cheek as he rolled his hips—just a little. it made you gasp, your hands clutching at his arms. “laid out for me… stuffed full of my cum… god, i can’t get enough of you.”

“jae…” your voice was barely there, breathless.

“shhh, baby, i know,” he said, voice thick, low, almost reverent. “i know it’s a lot. but i need you again. just like this. slow, yeah? just let me feel you. let me keep you full.”

he started to move—deep, slow thrusts that had your mouth falling open all over again. every stroke dragged his cock against your walls in the perfect way, the mess between your bodies squelching with each push. he groaned when he felt more of his cum leaking out, and he angled his hips to press deeper, like he was trying to put it all back in.

“fuck—look at this pussy,” he growled softly. “so greedy… you’re still sucking me in like you never want me to leave.”

you whimpered, arms wrapping around his neck as he leaned down, kissing you tenderly. the kiss melted into something wetter, more desperate, your tongues tangled while his hips rocked slowly against yours.

“i don’t want you to leave,” you whispered against his lips. “i want more… want it all, jaehyun.”

his hand slid down your side, gripping your thigh and lifting your leg up to press your knee against your chest, folding you open more. the angle made him hit even deeper, and you gasped again, body arching under him.

“yeah?” he smirked, panting against your neck now. “you want me to fuck another load into this tight little cunt? want me to knock you up right here on this fucking desk?”

“yes—please,” you moaned, your voice cracking from how desperate you were. “give me everything again… want to be full, want it dripping out of me all night—”

“fuck—fuck, baby,” he cursed, fucking you harder now, his control unraveling again. “i’ll do it. i’ll breed this pussy until you can’t walk. make you mine. no one else is ever gonna get this. no one’s ever gonna touch you like this again.”

you cried out, gripping the edge of the desk as the pace grew heavier, the sound of skin slapping echoing off the empty classroom walls. you felt him throbbing inside you again, the pressure building so fast you couldn’t hold back.

“please cum inside—please, jaehyun—wanna feel it again—wanna be yours—”

that was all it took.

he slammed into you one last time and came with a loud, broken groan, spilling deep inside you again, hot and heavy, filling you completely. your body clenched around him, milking every drop, and you came with a sob, burying your face in his neck as your whole body shook.

he stayed there for a long time, cock still buried inside you, both of you panting, stuck together by sweat and cum and something even deeper. his hand gently rubbed your hip as he kissed your temple.

“you’re mine now,” he whispered.

and you smiled, because you already were.

you were still trembling when he finally, slowly, pulled out, and you both watched the thick mix of your juices drip down your inner thighs, pooling beneath you on the desk. he helped clean you gently, his touch careful, almost reverent, as if he didn’t want to hurt you now that your body was all sore and sensitive from how many times he’d used you.

you reached for your crumpled uniform, cheeks burning, fingers fumbling with the buttons of your blouse as you tried to fix yourself. your bra was slightly damp, your thighs sticky, your knees aching—but your heart… your heart was thudding with something deeper, fuller. you could still feel him inside you. your chest was tight with warmth, overflowing with something you hadn’t dared to name before now.

jaehyun leaned against the desk, watching you quietly with a lazy, satisfied smirk, his hair messy, lips a little swollen. he looked so unfairly perfect—just like always. but this time, you knew what those lips tasted like. you knew how his voice sounded when he moaned your name.

just as you finished adjusting your skirt and were smoothing down your sleeves, he stepped close again, towering over you with that same presence that made your knees weak.

his fingers tucked your collar into place, brushing your skin in the process. he looked into your eyes, so deep, so intense it made your breath catch.

“don’t forget,” he murmured, voice low, possessive, with a hint of a smirk tugging at his lips, “you’re mine.”

you bit your lip, heart pounding all over again. “i know,” you whispered, looking up at him with stars in your eyes. “i don’t want to be anything else.”

he kissed your forehead softly, and your heart melted on the spot.

you were hopelessly, completely his.

1K notes · View notes

hwaflms · 1 year ago

Text

HAPPY NOW? ★ [ j.jh ]

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

———————————————————————

[☆] PAIRING. ex!jaehyun x f!reader

[☆] GENRE. angst, smut, fluff | fake dating?, exes to ??? au

[☆] WC. 19.9k (i don’t even know)

[☆] WARNINGS. angst, reader has anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks, fighting, reader be lying a lot, reader has a little sister, crying, reader is kind of a dumbass, explicit content (piv smut), unprotected sex (don’t do this gang!), fingering, sex in public kinda, pls lmk if i forgot anything!!

[☆] NOTES. i’m so fucking annoyed with tumblr it’s not letting me insert images properly UGH this took me over 2 hours to upload man 🗣️ im pretty proud of this one ‼️ idek how it got this long but it’s my longest fic yet and it’s been sitting in my drafts for ages until i finally got the inspo to write it :p i want jaehyun so bad it’s not even funny tbh but anyway PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK/A REBLOG LITERALLY ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED <33

———————————————————————

six months.

you haven't seen this door in six months.

it's funny because, this was a door you used to push open and walk through every other day, yet now you stand on the opposite side of it, unsure as to whether you should even be thinking of knocking.

your hand is raised to the door, shaped like a fist but you make no move to actually knock. you were aware that you still had time to bail out of this, that you could turn on your heel and make your merry way back to your sad little house and go back to pretending you're happy with the choice you made six months ago.

or you could just do what you came all the way here to do.

the weather seems to be in your favour, at least. the sun shines radiantly, making the temperature warm, but not too warm, and a cool breeze travels through the air in short intervals. the summer had begun early, birds chirping in their habitual singsong way and wild bougainvillea already flowering in various shades of pink and lilac. usually when the day starts off with good weather, the rest of it follows suit, and thus your day is made better. hopefully, this is the case for you today.

pausing for a short, morale-boosting intake of air, you tighten your fist and knock, knock, knock on the mahogany door, immediately regretting your decision as you feel your stomach churn and plummet. a good ten seconds pass, and you hear no reply nor movement from the inside of the house, and part of you is relieved because that means he may not be home.

more than happy to do a 180° and skip along joyously back to the metro that would take you home, your feet begin to make for that trip but your mind decides against it. you know that you are being overly dramatic, but even with being aware of this, your heart rate does not slow down one bit. you also know that what you've come here to do is more than just selfish, its pathetic and rather embarrassing. it's also a hugely unsavoury request, and if your roles were reversed, you'd most definitely laugh in his face and shut the door.

finally somewhat making up your mind with a quiet groan, you raise your clenched fist and rap against his front door again in a set of three. you nervously shift your weight from your right to your left foot, then back to your right and then once again to your left, the anxiety and anticipation not allowing you to stand still and relax, thinking that if he doesn't answer this time, you really will just return home.

"hold on, i'm coming!", a hurried, muffled voice calls from inside the house and you don't think your heart has ever beaten this fast in your life. not even during the one time you ran a marathon to prove a point to your friend chenle, and while you did show him that you didn't only run to get away from spiders, your body took its own sweet time to recover from that.

now you hear footsteps approaching the door from the opposite side of it, and you don't think you can handle anymore of this tortuous, build up of a wait because you are quite literally one step away from calling it a day and just sprinting your way out of there, just like you did on the last few metres of the aforementioned marathon, and you know he's nearing the door because the footsteps are getting clearer and clearer, and soon he's going to open the door, take one look at you and just slam the door right in your face, but not before spewing verbal explosives at you, which would be totally deserved since he has every right to just spit on you and tell you how you're a terrible, downright horrible human being completely unworthy of forgiveness and-

"sorry for making you wait so long, i was-"

if your heart rate was at its maximum speed before, now it just stopped.

standing in front of you, in the flesh, was the man who's heart you broke six months ago.

jaehyun had just about opened his door in a way that his body was sticking halfway out of it, but he was now frozen in that position, neither in nor out, just stuck there looking like he was contemplating his next move. he adorned a loose, white shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and chest, paired with a pair of red plaid pants with a patch of some different material stitched just above where his knee was. you'd recognise those pants just about anywhere, having worn them a number of times and being the cause of that strange patch with mismatched material (you'd tried to balance a pot of steaming hot ramen on your knee in order to move something, resulting in it causing a burn in the pant).

his attire tells you that he was either just about to eat breakfast, in the process of eating breakfast, or about to finish breakfast; jaehyun was not an early riser and he liked to take his time getting ready for the day.

apart from his slightly changed hair, jaehyun looks the same as he did before, if not better. his once shorter, straight, brown hair, was now a darker kind of black and longer in a silky, mullet-y, layered sort of way, the mullet part stopping just above where his shirt met his neck and the front bits falling on to his face in thin, soft wisps.

everything about the man was captivating and entrancing, but if you had to pick a specific feature that really takes the cake, it would have to be his eyes. his eyes, deep-set and fierce, always gave the impression that he was cold or unapproachable, whereas in reality, he was the opposite. as striking as they may be, they always carried a certain warmth to them.

while they still held the same intensity to them, the warmth was missing as he looked straight at you now. after the brief moment of confusion when he first opened the door dissipated, the familiarity had sunk in, and his expression now was more or less unreadable, but you still tried to make out what he was thinking and feeling- was it shock? anger? maybe even disgust?

"okay, are you going to just stand there or are you going to say something?"

you think it was largely a combination of the last two. in all your fidgeting and gawking, you'd forgotten to actually speak to the man who's door you'd just knocked on, leaving him standing there wordless and confused, an eyebrow raised as he waited for you to open your mouth.

you try to do so, so many words wanting to tumble out your mouth but an invisible gate seems to block it, so now you're just stood still with your mouth opening and closing soundlessly, looking like an idiot.

c'mon y/n, fucking say something, anything-

"how have you been?", is what you decide to go with to break the silence in the end, an awkward smile plastered on to your face. you realise before the sentence is even fully out of your mouth that that would be a really weird thing to start off with, seeing as you and jaehyun have had absolutely zero contact for six months, and are obviously not on the most wonderful terms.

jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, a look of clear disbelief on his face as he clutches his door handle a little tighter. he looks away with a sarcastic smile, shaking his head before turning back to look you dead in the eye. oh, he's going to slam the door on you, you just know it-

"really? 'how have you been'?", he questions incredulously, licking his bottom lip while an exasperated smile plays at them. funnily enough, his response is somewhat relieving to your pitiful self, because you weren't even expecting to hear a reply to what you said, you figured he'd just walk away. you would've. "we haven't seen each for six months since we broke up and 'how have you been' is the best you've got?"

you wince apologetically and bite your lip, playing with your fingers nervously as he quite literally stares you down, irritation written all over his face.

he waits a couple more beats for you to break the tense silence and speak but you are inwardly (and outwardly) struggling to word your thoughts, so he simply scoffs and backs away to return inside.

"okay wait, i didn't tell my family that we broke up and they keep pressuring me to bring you home for the holidays, so i would really like if you'd pretend you don't hate me and come with me."

you don't even want to open your eyes to witness his reaction to your blurted little confession, so you merely stand, frozen in place with your eyes squeezed shut tightly. a couple seconds pass yet you don't hear a door slam, a good sign, so you take that as an affirmative to open your eyes.

he doesn't say anything, or do anything either really, he just leans against his doorframe with another indecipherable expression. this irks you even though you know you have no right to feel irked, but the fact that you once had the ability to know what he was thinking and now don't bothers you to the core. plus, it leaves you feeling unsure as to whether to continue. he might just start laughing at you manically or angrily tell you to get off his property like some bitter, 60-year-old man, and either of these scenarios would be completely fair of him to do.

the heavy realisation that your request sounded absolutely delusional and conceited dawns upon you, and something about his irksome expression makes you feel like you should keep talking. "you have literally every right to just tell me to fuck off, and i don't even expect an answer, i don't really know why i even came here, oh my god- this is so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid and honestly i don't know why you're still standing here listening to me ramble-"

"i need to get ready then. give me ten minutes."

✧ ──────── ✧ ──────── ✧

the front door you're stood at now holds a very different ambience to the previous one. while jaehyun's was quiet and peaceful, the front door to your parents house reveals that the inside is just bustling with activity. the chorus of kate bush's 'running up that hill' plays faintly from behind the door, so you figured that your dad must have brought out his old record player from the dusty attic.

jaehyun stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his light grey hoodie that you feel he must be boiling in, because you're wearing a black tank top with some loose cargoes that you think you might have drenched with sweat.

the sweat would be from the burning heat, but also from the agitation you're really starting to feel. there are so many different ways this dinner could go. what if jaehyun suddenly tells them the truth? then everyone in the room would hate you, and rightly so. you don't want to have to explain to your parents why you broke up with him; it's a stupid fucking reason, if you can even call it that, and it made you completely miserable. how were you supposed explain to your little sister that you and jaehyun aren't together anymore? you suppose relationships are a totally foreign concept to her young mind, but you were sure that she knew you and jaehyun loved each other very much. and you knew she loved jaehyun very much.

he does not look at you, instead choosing to really focus on the christmas themed welcome mat that your parents put out during the winter of '09 and never bothered to change. how he even agreed to come here with you, you don't know, but to say you're grateful would be an understatement.

"you still have time to back out, you know.", you mumble softly, trying to give him one more chance to escape, but he doesn't even spare you a glance, shaking his head and squinting at the door.

"let's just get this over with."

with a small sigh, your raise your hand to press your parents doorbell, the embarrassingly loud 'ding dong' ringing out from behind the door. "oh, that must be her!", you hear the muffled voice of your father speak from the inside, making a slight smile form on your lips.

within a couple seconds, you hear the sound of the muted metal bolt as your dad struggles to open the door to let you in. a grunt of "this damn door..." makes both you and jaehyun release short giggles, and you peek over at jaehyun to see his lips curl upwards into a smile, a small one but it's still breathtakingly pretty . he clears his throat and it's gone in a flash, but the image doesn't leave your mind, and you're still seeing it when your dad finally manages to open the door. "i really need to start using the new lock", he mutters, shifting his eyes to you with a big grin, leaving against the doorframe with his arms folded. "hello, sweetheart."

you chuckle and throw your arms around him, squeezing him a little as he laughs and pats your back in return. releasing you, he turns to jaehyun with a smile, who promptly sticks his hand out politely. "hello, mr. l/n, long time no see."

your dad ignores his hand, throwing his head back with a gruff laugh. "what's with all the formalities, come here, son.", and with that he gives jaehyun a hug as well, a slightly shorter one albeit, but a hug nonetheless. the word 'son' repeats in your mind like an echo, sounding more and more distorted the longer you focus on it. you can't even begin to think of what was going through jaehyun's mind. this was not your brightest idea.

you notice your mom waiting by the door with her hands behind her back, eyes bright and shiny. "hi, mom.", you beam, and she laughs cheerily, opening her arms for you to run into, which you do. she presses numerous kisses to the crown of your head, making you groan lightheartedly and try to escape her hold, but it only tightens. "oh, how i've missed you."

"i missed you too, mom.", you say but she's already let you go and is making a bee line for jaehyun with her arms open, who falls into the hug so readily and comfortably. "i may have missed you, y/n, but i missed jaehyun ten times more.", she jokes, pinching jaehyun's cheeks affectionately.

jaehyun is turning bright red, but he has a toothy grin on his face, a real one, you can tell. his eyes travel the front room where all of you are stood with a nostalgic smile, having not seen it or your parents in over six months. you watch as they look from the various photo frames hung up on the wall alongside the staircase, to the curtains that they recently changed, finally landing on the record player thay was sitting on the table. "wow, mr. l/n, where did you get this?", jaehyun asks, and you wonder whether he's trying to make conversation or if he's genuinely curious. you think it may be the second one.

while him and your dad engage in small talk about his record player, you turn to your mom to ask of the whereabouts of your little sister, and as if on cue, you hear an excited squeal from the top of the stairs. all four heads turn to see your sister bounding down the stairs hurriedly, paying no mind to your mom's strained shout of "careful!".

"y/n!", she piped, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs and running straight to you, wrapping her arms around your legs. she barely reaches your hip so her hug is really just her face pressed into your thigh with her arms squeezing your legs together, while you pat the top of her head.

somehow managing to pry her off of your legs, you kneel and give her a proper hug in return, now happy that you made the decision to come home for a bit of your holiday. she lets go and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and jutting her hand out to you, urging you to take it.

you smile and furrow your eyebrows with confusion but you take the paper anyway, opening it as carefully as you could so as to not tear it anywhere. smoothing it out flat on your knee, you're greeted with a drawing; two people stand holding hands under a deep blue sky, a large yellow sun shining in one corner along with some "birds" that are really just little 'v's scribbled in black. they're stood on a beach, at least you think they are because there are two shades of blue on the paper, one of them probably being the blue hue of the ocean.

you assume the two people are you and your sister, since one of them has shorter, shoulder length hair and is miniscule compared to the other person, who's hair length and height are similar to yours.

you hold the picture to your chest and pull your sister in for another heartfelt hug, kissing her temple. "is this us?", you ask her, pointing at the two people in the drawing. she gives you a proud nod in return, taking the picture from your hands and holding it in front of her face. "yup! the big girl is you and the small girl is me! we're gonna go swimming.", she informs you, flashing you the toothiest of smiles. "thank you, it's perfect.", you tell her, ruffling her hair a little as she hands you the drawing back.

she clearly doesn't appreciate that, because she whines and swats your hands away, but soon her eyes focus on something behind you and they enlarge, the second excited squeal of the day emerging from her lips. "jae!", she just about screams, completely abandoning you in favour of running off to jaehyun, who has a wide smile on his face and looks equally as happy as her. he scoops her up in his arms and lifts her in front of his face, doing a little spin as peals of laughter escape her.

he finally puts her down but she holds on to his hand, looking at the male with absolute adoration. "hi, cutie.", he boops her nose affectionately to which she giggles, turning to look at you. "you didn't tell me jaehyun was coming!"

"i wasn't sure if he could make it", you reply to her honestly, looking at jaehyun as you speak because only the two of you know what you really mean by that. he holds your eye contact for perhaps a millisecond longer than he did before, but again, it was gone in a flash. he clears his throat a little and straightens up, rocking back on his heels.

sensing a shift in the air but mistaking it for some form of awkwardness, your mother shoos the rest of your family away in the direction of the kitchen. "they probably want to freshen up together, let's let them do that."

once they're gone, it feels like you can finally release your breath, truly seeing this situation going wrong in so many ways. they don't suspect anything yet, but how much longer until they eventually connect the dots? or what if they don't even need to do that, because jaehyun only agreed so he could embarrass you by telling them the whole story? you don't acknowledge the tense silence until jaehyun speaks up. "can i use the guest bathroom? still the second door on the right, yeah?"

you don't respond immediately because you're processing the fact that he still remembers these minute details. you also realise he's only asking because he doesn't want to share your bathroom with you, and that clears your thoughts up a little. you nod in affirmation and he begins climbing up the stairs, and you wait until you hear he's reached the upstairs landing before you move.

it's so tense. the last time you were in this house with jaehyun, you had taken a short road trip to get there. you say road trip, but it was just a couple hours long, but the playlist you and jaehyun had curated said otherwise. you arrived at the house and everyone was all smiles, your parents just happy to have you home and happy to see him as well. you think that part's just as hard as thinking about the two of you together. the fact that your slightly judgemental parents adored him, your little sister looked at him with stars in her eyes– you had lucked out in every department, and you were always aware of it, the joint guilt you felt from breaking it off and lying to your parents really getting to you now.

you swore that after this was over, you would apologise to jaehyun and finally break the truth to your parents.

finishing off in the bathroom, you step out into the hall, only to bump straight into jaehyun. backing up awkwardly, you both try to get past each but keep going in the same direction, resulting in a bunch of 'sorry–'s and 'wait– just–'s being blurted out by the two of you. finally getting past you, he doesn't look back at you again, just walking down the stairs mumbling something about "they're waiting...".

wincing, you make your way down the stairs as well, arriving at the living room to see your mom standing beside your dad with an excited expression on her face. you approach with caution, noting that your dad has his hands behind his back. "so...", your mother starts, raising her shoulders a little out of anticipation. "since we haven't seen the two of you in a while...we got you some presents! nothing too grand but..."

"mom, it's not even christmas", you whine, ready to argue with them because you feel bad that whatever they got was still overpriced, but your mother shakes her head, urging your dad to reveal the presents. "just take a look first..."

in one hand he holds a small, white box, no bigger than his palm, and your mom picks it up, holding it out to you. the print on the box is small and typewriter-like, the material it's made out of just screaming fancy. you narrow your eyes at your parents but take the box in your hand anyway, pushing it open. inside, it reveals maybe the prettiest necklace you've seen; dainty and silver, the chain is simple but it's the pendant that's the real charm– it's an uncut stone of some kind, a pale, translucent white crystal that's pretty much shapeless but it's wrapped in this thin silver wire that forms little loops and hearts over the stone and it makes it so alluring.

"it's a seaglass necklace", your mom speaks, taking the necklace out of its box for you and inclining her head for you to turn around. you're now facing jaehyun, who looks curiously at the new piece of jewellery with the faintest of smiles on his face. pushing your hair to the side, your mother places the necklace around your neck and clasps it (though it takes her a while, squinting and looking at the necklace hook from every angle because she forgot to wear her reading glasses). she leads you to the mirror by the entrance of the hall so you could get a better look at the necklace hanging on top of your collarbones, reaching up to touch it. "you remember? from that lady who owned the fancy place by the beach last summer?"

you do remember. that was the first trip jaehyun had joined you and your family for, under the suggestion of your little sister. when you brought up the fact that jaehyun was going back home to see his parents a little later than he had anticipated, your sister immediately asked if he would want to come with all of you, who were heading to the beach in a day or two for a little family getaway. and much to your surprise, your parents were very warm to the idea of jaehyun accompanying the lot of you. he must have severely impressed them the first time he met them, bringing a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a hearty bottle of whiskey for your dad– it's like he had won their hearts before he had even stepped inside the house.

of course, he had met them a couple more times again after that, but your parents had never raised any issues about your then boyfriend. your dad had claimed that he wanted jaehyun to come along so he could "keep an eye on him" and "see how he treats you in front of us", but you knew all too well he just wanted someone to talk to about his interest in sound systems. the trip had gone so smoothly, so perfectly and you think that it had planted the seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship.

the position of the window and sun allowed for the light to bleed on to half of your face, the necklace glinting under the rays as you stood in front of the mirror and surveyed it. the last couple drops of the golden hour sun slipped through the windowpane and painted your skin like it was a canvass and the necklace was the cherry on top. you were radiant, and the look in jaehyun's eyes told you that he knew it too. when your eyes meet in the mirror, it's like he tears his eyes away from you, forcing himself to look at his shoes.

snapping out of your soon-to-be miserable thoughts, you fix a smile on to your face so as to not seem ungrateful, turning to hug your mother. "i love it", and you really do, knowing that you wouldn't be wearing a single other piece of jewellery for the next couple months.

jaehyun stands in the doorway soundlessly, just taking in the scene. he had always told you that he wished his family was as close and tight-knit as yours, but due to his dad always being away on some business trip or another and his mother having her own job to attend to, it resulted in a lot of time spent by himself.

you think that might be way he slotted right in with the rest of you, from the very first meet, because his desire to belong worked very well with your family's lively, chaotic home, which welcomed him right away. this was the main reason why couldn’t bring yourself to tell your family that you had broken up him mercilessly. they wouldn’t blame you of course, but you know everyone would be immensely disappointed when they realised that he hadn’t even done anything wrong in the first place; he was so good to you, and they just wanted to see you happy.

while your mom cooed at how pretty the necklace looked on you, your dad faces jaehyun with a wide grin on his face. "you didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?"

he probably wasn't expecting anything for himself, because you weren't either, so you and jaehyun simultaneously furrow your eyebrows. "oh, mr. l/n, you didn't have to–", he starts but your father is quick to cut him off, waving his hands. "what nonsense. of course we had to get you something, it's no big deal", he tries to appear nonchalant but the smile that creeps on to his face is a telltale sign that it is, in fact, a big deal. "besides, if you're family to y/n, you're family to us."

it's as if someone just stuck a large knife into you, the pang you just felt in your stomach. you can't even begin to think about what must be going through jaehyun's head, because even he can't hide the way his eyes soften at your dad's words. watching your sister spring up from the couch, she runs behind your father and plucks whatever he was holding out of his hands, now revealed to be a medium-sized bag. "i wanna give it to jaehyun!", with that, she's running over to him with the toothiest smile plastered on her cheeks, holding the bag out to jaehyun with stretched arms.

he ruffles her hair just like you did, but she makes absolutely zero complaints as he does it– if anything she's revelling in it. this makes you want to scoff, but you smile instead without thinking about it, taking a couple steps away from the mirror and towards them. "are you gonna open it or should i take it back to the store?", your dad jokes and jaehyun chuckles quietly while you don't even bother forcing a laugh, and he takes the bag from your sister's hands, mumbling a soft 'thank you'.

from where you're standing, you can't see what's inside the bag, but you can see jaehyun's eyes widen when he looks inside and back up at everyone. "me and mrs. l/n, i can't take this."

"of course you can", your mother tuts in response, dismissing him with her hand. "if i recall correctly, you had said something about your airpods not working properly?"

realisation dawns on your face when jaehyun pulls the shiny headphones from the bag, turning them over in his hand. "i think i did mention it, yeah...", he nods, eyes scanning over the clear box he holds. you remember that only one of his airpods would function properly, the other deciding whenever it wanted to do its job. you didn't realise your parents remembered, as well. "but these are so expensive, i can't–"

"do you like them or not?", your dad asks, shrugging his shoulders. jaehyun's quick to nod, "yes, i love them but–"

"then end of story." your father's not hearing anyone out, even going so far as to cover his ears jokingly when jaehyun opens his mouth again. after your sister tugs on his pant leg and urges him to try them out, jaehyun slips them over his ears, whipping his phone to connect them to it. he thought it was too expensive to try fixing his airpods so he resorted to listening with just the one ear in, or using your headphones till you broke up.

by the look on his face, they work just fine, and he couldn't be happier. a wide smile is pressed on his face, a real one that doesn't even drop when he makes eye contact with you. you smile back at him slowly, but he doesn't look away immediately, slowly turning to look at your parents. "i don't know what to say. thank you."

you'd had a couple boyfriends before, not none as close to your family as jaehyun had been. none of your previous relationships had lasted very long and you could never pinpoint the exact reason why, you just knew at some point that you had to break it off. your mother always thought that this was a result of your first ever relationship, the first and last man that ever dumped you. it crushed you at the time, though you were able to power through, but since then, relationships were never your strong suit. change seemed promising when you met jaehyun through a mutual friend, however. he was kind, he was smart and he was genuine, three traits that you didn't typically see in guys you dated, but you didn't see any reason to dwell on your biggest fumble yet.

the rest of time until dinner continues in a steadfast manner with all of you sitting in the living room. the scene looked like something out of a corny movie montage, but the beautiful part of it was that it was reality, all the laughs, the eye-smiles, the stupid jokes and conversations, all of it. your parents had recently returned from a holiday together that they took to celebrate their wedding anniversary, which meant that you two deserved to look through all eight hundred and sixty two of the photos they took. super proud of the new projector he had ordered off amazon, your dad had connected his phone to it and was going through his gallery slideshow-style, with your mom making offhand comments about every other photo.

"that's from when we went on a date to this fancy restaurant, that's from the shoe store your dad wanted to go to...oh! that's when your dad just learnt how to take 0.5x pictures on his new phone!"

your mom speaks animatedly while each photo is being shown, pointing out various different things without any prompting. there were badly taken selfies of your parents that made both you and jaehyun laugh, pictures of the different kinds of food they ate, the said 0.5's of your mother taken from the top of her forehead– your dad was slapping his knee even though your mom wasn't too impressed.

after what seemed like years, they ran out of vacation pictures and moved on to pictures and videos taken during your little sister's talent show. this was especially endearing, because your normally high-energy sister was suddenly all shy and avoidant of eye contact in the presence of jaehyun, particularly displeased with a video of her singing on stage.

jaehyun wipes the pout right off her face however, poking her cheek with a smile. "you sound amazing, s/n", he pipes genuinely, and she's back to smiling again, even offering to sing the song for everyone towards the end. no one has the heart to turn down so innocent a request, so for the next couple minutes you are subjected to a very slightly off-key rendition of some song from the movie 'frozen'. everyone cheers when she is done, jaehyun even throwing in a little "whoo!" for good measure, and your sister performs a small curtsey before seating herself between you and jaehyun's legs.

you're situated on the same couch, but only so that things don't look weird. you invited him here to pose as your boyfriend, and he agreed, so you have to play the part too. that part wasn't as hard as you expected, the acting like a couple, no, it was the avoiding questions that was really getting to you. at some point in the conversation, your dad had congenially asked jaehyun when the next time he'd be coming home was. normally, he would congenially reply with something like "as soon as possible", but this time, he just froze. he appeared to attempt a reply, but was cut short at "uh–", the rest of the sentence never following through.

hoping to repair the awkward moment, you start to construct a fib. "jaehyun's been uh– you know, working at one of those um, nursing homes–", this is too out-of-the-box a reply even for jaehyun who turns to you, trying and failing to the hide incredulous look on his face.

"a nursing home? oh, i didn't know you were training to be a nurse!", your mother is surprised but definitely not disappointed, placing her hand on her chest with a sympathetic look on her face as she looks at jaehyun. he looks as if he's trying to speak to you using only his eyes, widening and squinting them at a rapid pace, tilting his head towards you so your parents don't see his expression. there are clear signs of confusion and you're aware he's questioning your decisions, but that's as far as you get with his eye signals and you let him know by shrugging and wincing, so he closes them while sighing inwardly and turns to face your parents, a fake smile stuck on his lips.

"yes! haha, funny story, this one...", he grits his teeth but furthers your stupid concoction of a story, snapping his fingers while trying to think. "i'm not really training to be a nurse, i just volunteer there sometimes. love being around old people, you know, makes me feel full of life–"

you cut him off before he can make this even worse for the both of you, taking in your mother's furrowed eyebrows and your dad's slightly opened mouth. "yes, well, it's hard for him to catch a break, you know, with all the...", you slap your hand over his knee and give it a little squeeze, turning to him with a grin while he smiles tightly back at you, eyes focusing on the hand on his thigh without changing his expression. "...hard work he does."

jaehyun's eyes don't leave your hand, seeing as this is the first act of skinship in six months, albeit casual. your hand feels so hot that you think you might be burning a hole through the material of jaehyun's jeans, finally ripping your hand off of him.

"of course...", your father trails off in confusion, and no one can seem to make head or tails of the situation. in a moment, your mother pauses before clapping her hands, seemingly already forgotten about the strange situation as she chimes "dinner in five!~". your sister scampers off with claims of helping your mother out in the kitchen (and probably to try and secure a spot close to you and jaehyun), and jaehyun stands up and heads to the cupboard containing all your placemats without out even being asked. you offer to help but he shakes his head, and you opt to go sit back down on one of the arm chairs facing the kitchen area, just observing.

this was one of jaehyun's qualities that made you fall in love with him, but also pissed you off to no end. first of all, didn't he ever get tired of just being so good all the time? second of all, why couldn't his own parents see what everyone else saw in him? and thirdly, why did you choose to ruin your life six months ago? as for the last one, you knew why, but the extent of your stupidity was real apparent to you now.

you look away when he meets your eyes and catches you, your heart beating fast when you see out of the corner of your eye that his gaze lingers for a moment or two. underneath all that hatred, was there still a small part of him that cared about you? after you broke up with him, over call that too, he attempted to call you back two or three times, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. out of fear or maybe even shame, you never answered his calls and since then, you'd had no contact.

it was impossible. with a break-up like that and six month's worth of time to sit and think about it, you imagine that one could hold a surprising amount of hatred for someone–especially after a relationship as real as yours. if you switched the roles, you think you wouldn't feel much different.

at your mom's signal, you heave yourself off the couch and to the dining table, seating yourself next to jaehyun (everyone expected you to sit with him, they left the chair empty on purpose). your sister has already claimed the spot opposite jaehyun and was patiently awaiting the vegetables that she knew your mother was going to pile on her plate, a little pout forming on her lips at the sight of broccoli. "you can't make that face every time, like i'm feeding you dog food", your mother scolds her with a smile, giving her a generous helping of veggies. the pout deepens and she folds her arms with a cross look on her face. "you guys don't have to eat the broccoli. why do i?"

she's got a point, you think, but before you can tell her to just eat them, jaehyun speaks. "that's exactly what my little cousin sungchan said...", jaehyun tells her, looking around the table with a dramatic sigh. "and we all know what happened to him..."

little cousin sungchan? as far as you know, there is no little cousin sungchan, and you know a lot about jaehyun's family, so you put your fork down in favour of listening to his story at the same time your sister curiously asks, "what happened?".

"well, like you, sungchan didn't like eating his veggies", starting off the story with a shrug under your mother's listening ears, he talks in a low voice. "he'd always argue with my aunt till one day, he refused to eat them.

your sister is knocking food around her plate while she listened to jaehyun, and she's not impressed with the story so far. "see! why can't i do that?", she asks indignantly, and your mother shoots jaehyun a look to which he winced and continues. "nothing happened for a while, so sungchan thought he had proved his point. but he hadn't heard of the veggie monster."

the story is heading in such a stupid direction that you almost laugh out loud, but you catch yourself when you notice your sister's expression, guarded and wary. "...the veggie monster? ...that's not real...", she speaks like she's not fully sure of her words herself, pausing her attack on her food.

"sungchan thought that too", jaehyun agrees, lowering his voice like one would when telling a scary story, looking around him like it could be listening before continuing, for the story's sake. "but he didn't know that without veggies, a child's body is weak. their bones don't grow strong, they stay small and their minds aren't sharp at all. that's how the veggie monster chooses his targets."

you hold back a snort at your sister's wide-eyed expression and how serious jaehyun looks, he's even got your dad attempting to look nonchalant as he followed the story. "the less veggies a kid eats, the weaker they get, and that's easy pickings for the veggie monster. he comes late at night, and there's no point in hiding because he knows. he can smell when a kid doesn't have enough vitamins and it makes him hungry."

with your sister, your parents and even you hanging on to every word, jaehyun lowers his voice to almost a whisper, and all of you lean in closer to listen. "legend has it that he looks so scary that you lose the ability to move or speak, so he just takes you. sungchan was never seen again. the police said he was missing but i knew what happened to him."

you have to admit, jaehyun can tell a story. the atmosphere felt more eerie as he concluded the story cryptically, but your sister looks positively gutted. "did he take him?", she questions, face white and voice small. he nods slowly, like he didn't want to be talking about this, and all you can think about is how this man deserved an award after the show he put on. "i had my suspicions. no one believed me, but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that at dinner, i saw a pair of dark, red eyes staring straight into the kitchen from the window."

as if nature was a paid fucking actor, a slight crash sounds from outside the window on cue, like if a cat knocked over a plastic bin, but you're pretty sure your sister shit her pants. you've never seen her shovel vegetables into her mouth at that kind of record speed before, even your parents are looking at her astounded. with her food in her mouth, she pleads with glazed eyes, "please– i'm sorry, i'll have my veggies, don't let him take me!"

it takes all of you a little while to convince your sister that she'd be completely fine if she ate all the veggies given to her and that the veggie monster wouldn't even think of her, but it's safe to say that she'd never leave a bit of stray carrot on her plate ever again. your mom comically mouths 'thank you' to jaehyun which makes you laugh, and you turn to smile at him, and he gives you a nod in return. small steps, you think, because a nod is a whole lot better than a glare.

the rest of the dinner continues as if nothing changed. sure, you and jaehyun knew things were different, but it didn't fully feel like it at the moment. your mom had prepared a lot of nice food for the occasion, and your dad even helped, particularly proud of the way his stir fry turned out. jaehyun made sure to compliment both your parents on their cooking, and they all but melted– he still knew exactly how to talk to them. conversation was easy; you talked about work, you talked about how university was going, you talked about the school play your sister was going to take part in, about jaehyun's parents, nothing was forced.

you'd fall into comfortable silences at times in favour of sitting back and observing, listening, just being a part of the moment. for someone who was so reluctant to be here, jaehyun seems comfortable, the familiarity of the situation helping ease the tension between the two of you. expecting some bumps along the way, you were rather pleased with how things were turning out, but you were also anticipating the end of the lovely evening– where you and jaehyun would eventually go your separate ways. you don't want to think about it just yet, not when everything was going so smoothly, and your opportunity to snap out of your thoughts is presented to you, just not in the way you would have liked.

your mother's question seems to have thrown jaehyun for a loop as well, because his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks blatantly confused. at some point during a lull in the conversation, your mother had politely asked jaehyun how his christmas in japan had gone; the only problem with this question was that he never had a christmas in japan, not to his knowledge anyway. this, was yet another lie you had told your parents, when they had asked why jaehyun hadn't accompanied you home to celebrate christmas, like he had originally planned to. unbeknownst to them, you had already broken up with him prior to the christmas holidays, so jaehyun wasn't exactly going to come along anyway. so, you told them that he had to spend christmas with an aunt in japan, for familial reasons.

you didn't exactly have time to prep jaehyun and give him a run down of every single lie he had to play along with, so he turns to you with a look of uncertainty and desperation in his eyes. "my, uh- christmas? in japan?", he puts emphasis on the two keywords, not blinking when he speaks directly to you in hopes that you would take the hint and help him out.

"yeah, your christmas. in japan. with your aunt", you reply to him with the same tone and expression as he does, trying your best to sound subtle so your parents don't catch on.

"yes, with your aunt! we were so sad to hear that you couldn't make it for christmas", your mother is unknowingly helping jaehyun catch up with the fake story, and he releases a short "ahh" during his moment of 'recollection'. "right, my real aunt who definitely lives in japan."

he grits his teeth when he talks, making you grimace and the fact that your parents look completely puzzled doesn't help. you need to save your dignity anyway, so you try to cut jaehyun off before he can make things worse. "haha, jaehyun of course she's your real aunt, silly", you awkwardly chuckle, feigning nonchalance when you bump his shoulder with your fist, wishing you could telepathically communicate with him right now, but you'd probably only be saying "please, please, please" on repeat.

he sighs but speaks up again, much to your relief. "it was slightly boring, my aunt doesn't do much", he laughs softly, fully back in character. "but you know, it's still nice to spend time with your family."

if your parents are suspicious, they don't say anything, seemingly satisfied with jaehyun's answer. dinner continues with few hitches until jaehyun insists that he washes the dishes. "it's the least i can do, after you both made such delicious food."

your mother at least tries to argue with him for a bit, but your dad is quite happy to not have to wash dishes, patting jaehyun on the back before standing up. what surprises you however, is jaehyun turning to you with the sweetest, most fake smile you've seen in a minute plastered on his face. "you mind helping, y/n?"

smiling tightly, you nod and begin clearing the table. this is done in silence, neither of you even looking at each other as you pick up dishes and carry them to the kitchen. your sister has run off to the living room to watch some t.v with your dad, and it feels like you're finally allowed to breathe when your mother exits the room as you’re picking up the last dirty dish. walking into the kitchen, jaehyun's back is facing you while he washes dishes, the environment and the little tune he's humming making everything seem so domestic in your eyes. this is how dinner used to always go when he came over, with you and him washing the dishes together in the end, taking breaks to splash each other with the soapy water or making out secretly by the counter.

but the air is foreign now, none of the former warmth or softness remaining. he turns to you with a frown when you place the final dish on the side of the sink, and he really doesn't look too happy. "visiting an aunt in japan? really?", he scoffs, looking incredulous while you look sheepish, avoiding his eye contact entirely.

you were expecting something like this but you hated being put on the spot. "i don't know, okay, what else was i supposed to say?", the exasperation in your voice is evident but it only fuels jaehyun, and rightfully so.

"i got an idea, how about 'oh, he can't come because i dumped his ass over call for no reason, sorry'?", he digs snidely, voice laden with scorn. there it is. "or is that too close to the truth for you?"

he doesn’t even let you open your mouth, chucking the cloth he was using to dry the dishes on the counter somewhere, folding his arms while he looks at you in a hostile way. “you wanna know how i really spent my christmas, y/n?”, he sneers sardonically, a sarcastic smile etched on to his lips. “alone in my house. miserable. i wish i had an aunt in fucking japan that i could’ve spent it with.”

you hate to admit it, but his words sting and you are well aware that you deserve it. just asking him to join you for this dinner was a huge reach, a request you really didn't expect him to accept. you don't fully understand why he did, though. he clearly despised you, so many be it was out of love for your family? you know jaehyun cared for them, but doing all this was uncharacteristic even for him. when you don't say anything but wear an agonised expression on your face, jaehyun further questions you.

"do you not have anything to say for yourself?", he tries again, his voice a little softer and more hopeful than before but you look like you're fighting some internal battle that doesn't involve him. he exhales deeply, clearly disappointed in your lack of an explanation and just walks past you and out of the kitchen.

you remain in the kitchen for a couple beats more, trying your level best to collect yourself. you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes and your breathing is quicker, but this is the absolute worst time to have a little panic attack in the kitchen. how you wished the two of you could just forget about everything for a minute so you could wrap your arms around his figure and fall into his embrace, feeling like that would solve all your problems. it's selfish and wrong, but you know that you're not getting over jaehyun anytime soon.

you'd come to that conclusion a couple months back. the first month after you broke things off with him was possibly the worst time of your life, struggling to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. your friends urged you to reach out to him like they knew you wanted to, but you remained stubborn, convinced at the time that you had made the right decision that would hurt the least for the both of you. you were wrong, you could see that now, but you knew it was much too late. you'd already gone through all the stages of grief, but seeing jaehyun again in this environment had really gone and thrown a spanner in the works for you, all because of your terrible decision-making skills.

any hopes you had of the two of you at least being on semi-friendly terms had just flown out the window as well, and you suddenly think that this might've been the reason why jaehyun even agreed to come. an explanation. a well-deserved one at that. you don't know why you find it so hard to give him one, but you suspect it's because you're not ready to face all that yourself.

upon hearing your mother faintly call out your name, you realise how long you've been standing in the kitchen, taking a couple more deep breaths before you join the rest of them. it's clear that everyone's winding down, your sister curled up on your dad's lap, trying to blink away her sleepiness, while everyone else mutedly watched the television. "didn't mean to keep you all up past your bedtime", you try to joke lightheartedly because your parents look like they're about to hit the hay themselves, but it's really so that no one suspects you were having a little breakdown in the kitchen; especially jaehyun.

"you're not wrong", your dad agrees gruffly, stretching a little before tapping on your sister's cheek to wake her, much to her displeasure. "it's technically your mama's turn to put you to bed, isn't it?", he attempts, but is quickly shot down by your mother, pinching his arm after claiming it was certainly not her turn. after their grand performance, both of them comically turn to look at you with a suspiciously bright look in their eyes. you don't even have time to argue, because the second the hint of a sigh leaves your mouth, they're saying "thank you" and "how nice of you to offer", urging your sister to wake up to let her know that you'll be tucking her in tonight.

she perks up a little at this, nodding with a little glint in her eyes. hopping off your dad's lap, she sleepily totters over to you. "can jae come too?", her voice is hopeful and small, and she yawns in the middle of her sentence but she just has this certain charm that makes everyone unable to say 'no' to her. this includes jaehyun, because one look from her with her arms raised and he's picking her up, pretending to complain about it. you can't help but smile at the whole interaction.

"oh quick! before i forget...", your mom gasps in remembrance, picking her phone up from the coffee table with a tired smile. "don't know when i'll get to see the two of you again so, pictures!"

this may be the only part you were slightly prepared for. your mother had a special affinity for taking photos; not that she was any good at it, she just enjoyed capturing these little moments and treating her gallery like a scrapbook. she had more or less documented the entirety of you and jaehyun's relationship, from the first few months where all the photos were cheesy smiles and awkward poses, to when you had grown more comfortable around each other. in fact, a photo she had taken of jaehyun was your wallpaper for quite some time (it took a lot of effort and explaining to help your mom airdrop you the picture)– it was a shot of jaehyun and your sister grinning from ear to ear, both adorning aprons that were covered in flour after a failed attempt at baking cookies.

the point being, you're pretty sure jaehyun was also expecting the pictures, so it didn't really surprise you when he plastered a smile on his face and came to stand beside you. his hand finds the small of your back soon enough and it makes your body stiffen while simultaneously sending a jolt through it, and jaehyun feels it. mistaking the action for uneasiness, he immediately lifts his warm hand off you so that it's now hovering awkwardly over your body, though no one can see that from the front. while you are disappointed, you lean into him anyway, clasping your hands together behind your back as you both give the camera wide smiles. you're so close you can smell his cologne and it's making you dizzy, not because the scent is overpowering but because it's just so familiar and you can't get enough of it.

the moment is gone in a flash because your mother takes three to four photos while cooing at the two of you before she decides to call it a night, and then jaehyun is ripping himself from you. you don't think anyone else recognises it, the way he seems to want to be as far from you as possible because he's so good at masking these things, but you can feel it. you can feel this heat radiating off of his body whenever he's near you and it's not the warm, fuzzy kind of heat. the spot on your back where his hand rested still burns a little.

your parents are exhausted and look more than happy to be able to jump straight into bed, but not before thanking you and jaehyun. you hug and kiss them goodnight, promising that your next visit will be sooner than this one before they exchange pleasantries with jaehyun, making him promise the same. you know this has to be hard on him, making a mental note to apologise profusely before you part ways. with a reminder that the door now locks from the inside, they bid you goodnight and goodbye, trudging off to their room while your sister scampers up the stairs to hers, suddenly full of life.

you understand why your parents were more than happy to hand over bedtime duties to you and your "boyfriend", because putting your little sister to bed turned out to be a piece of work. she started off by blatantly refusing to brush her teeth, but jaehyun had that one sorted when he reminded her that the veggie monster had a lot of friends, so that was done. she changed into her pyjamas all on her own which was a relief, but you were at a loss over how to actually get her into bed.

you both humoured her for a bit, understanding that she was just happy to have her big sister and her big sister's nice boyfriend home again, so a little excitement was expected. jaehyun played along with her, which was a sight to see, following along with the characters she assigned him in her imaginary games. but when bouncing on her bed turned into running around the room like a crazed bunny, it was a little harder to convince her that she needed to sleep now. "look at me, i'm wide awake", she insists, widening her eyes with her fingers to show you both just how awake she was. jaehyun tried a couple times to catch her, but you're both taken by surprise at her remarkable speed and agility. in the end, you had to resort to just sitting down and hoping that she'll tire herself out, which eventually does happen.

she climbs into bed of her own accord, rubbing at her eyes while you pull the duvet over her body, up to her shoulders. "when are you coming next?", she mumbles curiously while you sit on the edge of her bed, jaehyun standing close by. "soon", you reply honestly, knowing that you'll always have a safe place to come to whenever you need. "maybe i'll even stay for a whole weekend next time."

she likes the sound of this, smiling tiredly with her hands peeking over the edge of her cover, holding it closer to her. "will you come too?", this question is directed towards jaehyun, who looks defeated when he opens his mouth to answer. it's not fair, expecting him to lie to your family like this, but you know you've gotta come clean soon. you'd made up your mind at this point and come up with a plan; you'd explain yourself to jaehyun and apologise after which you'll go your separate ways, then you'll tell your family the truth after tonight, or at least make up a more recent break up, and that's that.

when jaehyun looks to you for help, you play with your hands a little, not fully knowing what to say. "if the old ladies at the nursing home let him go, maybe...", is what you decide is the safest option to go with, and your sister seems satisfied enough, giggling drowsily. you know she's close to falling asleep, and you're about to inwardly celebrate a job well done when she pops her next, unexpected question. "will you both be together forever?"

oh. there's a hint of teasing behind her voice, but everything else about the question is innocent and genuine, blinking her eyes open so she can look at the both of you when you answer. though you're not touching him, you can feel jaehyun stiffen next to you, his voice sounding more than a little awkward when he lets out an involuntary "uhh".

"what do you mean, cutie?"

you don't know why he asks that, because it's a pretty straightforward question; will the two of you be together forever? you want to laugh at the irony because you know that if she had asked the same question last time jaehyun came home, you both would have exchanged knowing smiles, giggling shyly while you tried to answer. the answer would've been 'yes', and you know deep down that it still should be.

she clicks her tongue like it's the most obvious and easy question in the world, shrugging her shoulders when she speaks. "you know, that's what people do when they're in love,", she answers with no hesitation, and you want to roll your eyes because who kidnapped your little sister and replaced her with dhar mann? "just like mommy and daddy!"

"daddy and mommy are married, sweetie, it's a little different–"

"i know that", she cuts off your little improvised answer in a deadpan voice that almost makes you feel stupid, but all her questions have your heart thudding against your rib cage, and you're praying to god that jaehyun can't hear it too. "but still, they love each other, and that's why they're together forever. don't you love each other?"

you're pretty sure the world stopped spinning and your heart stopped beating simultaneously, most definitely not expecting these kinds of questions from your sister. how do you even prepare an answer for this kind of situation? you know for a fact that your cheeks are coated in a dark sheen of red, and out of the corner of your eye (because you refuse to look at him), you’re pretty sure you can see the distinct pink colour paint the tips of jaehyun's ears, like they always do when he's shy or embarrassed. you can't not give her an answer, because that looks weird and she's clearly waiting for one, but answering meant that you either tell her the truth, that no, you will not be together forever because your dumbass went and ruined everything for the both of you six months ago, or you can lie and say that she's right, which would be admitting a lot of things that you didn't want to admit–

"nothing's for sure, but you're right, if two people really do love each other...", jaehyun's deep voice brings all your spiralling thoughts to a halt, and you look at him for the first time in a bit, only to find that he's already looking at you, gaze raw and piercing. you hold your breath when he speaks, because you don't trust yourself at the moment. "...they'll end up together forever."

you hear your sister make some kind of a reply, but the heartbeat in your ears is so loud that you don't quite catch it, the eye contact you're holding with jaehyun so intense that it feels wrong to look away. what could he have possibly meant by that? or was it just some half-assed answer to get your sister to go to sleep? you realise that staring at him while trying to use your sixth sense to nonverbally convey these questions to him isn't going to work, but you can feel the lump forming in your throat, needing to get out of this situation quickly.

it takes everything in you to break the eye contact in favour of pressing a quick peck to your sister's temple, and she looks about ten seconds away from just crashing. "night y/n, night jae...", and with that she's out like a light, and you two wait wordlessly until her breathing evens out before silently exiting the room.

once her bedroom door is shut, you make a beeline for the front door, way too scared and vulnerable right now to look at jaehyun. he doesn't say anything, so neither do you, making sure the door is actually locked before taking your phone out of your pocket. the time on your phone screen reads '11:43', and you know it's too late to try and catch the metro or a bus, but you're too stubborn and embarrassed to ask jaehyun to drop you.

the air is cold outside, much colder than it was inside your warm house. at the current moment, there is no breeze either, the trees are still and there are only a few lights on around the street, and it just makes everything seem so still and loud. you look out at the road, eyes zeroing in on this one lamp post where you shared one of your first few kisses with the man standing beside you. it's crazy how time can change things, you think, because never would you have believed in the moment that jaehyun called you "the most beautiful girl in the world" before leaning in to sweetly connect your lips that he could ever be something so close to a stranger within months.

ultimately opting to look at him, you're once again unable to read the expression on his face as you try your best to speak your mind to him. "um, i'm gonna book a cab, so you're officially free to go. thanks again for tonight, you really didn't have to come with me, so i owe you one. or i don't have to owe you one, because we're not going to see each other again- anything's good with me, just uh...thanks."

he waits patiently for you to finish, and aside from the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes, you're at a loss over what he's really thinking, but his face is so stupidly handsome that you're feeling angry and a little awkward, choosing to look around, and at the floor, playing with your fingers as you spoke.

"you're so dramatic y/n, i can drop you home, it's no big deal", he's already walking towards the road and biting his lip, and you can't tell whether it's out of habit or if he's trying to hide a smile, yet something tells you that it might be the latter.

"so you just let me say all that even though you were gonna offer to drop me? dude..."

the initial ten minutes of the drive are uncommunicative, both of you choosing to look at the dark road instead of acknowledging the awkward silence that was swallowing the car up whole. you don’t talk about your argument in the kitchen, you don’t make small talk about dinner, you don’t talk. you'd normally play some music in the background and you know that your phone is definitely still connected to his car's bluetooth, but somehow it just doesn't feel right– punishing yourself by sitting in this impenetrable silence should do you better.

the roads are more or less empty, save for the lone car or bike that speeds past you. jaehyun knows the way to your house from your parent's because of the amount of times you've driven back and forth, so you don't feel the need to tell him to turn right or to keep going down a certain road, making for even more silence.

part of you is still a little thankful that it isn't the most short drive, even though you aren't even speaking to each other. all it takes is picturing your empty house, devoid of the homely domestic feeling it used to carry when jaehyun was a frequent visitor. what would you even do when you got home? wallow in self-pity over your life choices? play 'sweet' by cigarettes after sex because it reminds you of him, then put on his hoodie that doesn't even smell like him anymore, just so you can curl up in bed and have a good cry while you reminisce? you're starting to think that maybe attempting to talk to him isn't the worst idea, at least it'll give you something to cry about later.

you're going crazy wracking your brain, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make the atmosphere even more uneasy, but all you got was "hey, thanks again for coming" and "hey, sorry for breaking up with you, what's good though?". you can't even help the wince creeping on your face, finally choosing to go with the former before you have a heart attack and die in jaehyun's front seat.

"thanks again for agreeing to come", you start, absolutely hating the break in your voice from not talking for some time. "you really didn't have to do that. and for dropping me."

he offers you a quick nod in your general direction and fixes his eyes on the road ahead like he was zipping through a crowded highway, though you're sure there isn't a car in sight. "like i said, it's cool", is all you get in return, and you have to remind yourself that he has every right to be short with you.

but still, you try again. "and you don't have to worry about my parents", chewing on your bottom lip, you actually look at him this time, hoping it'll prompt him to do the same, but it doesn't. "i'm gonna tell them the truth."

he releases a short breath from his nose like he finds your statement funny, but continues to not really say anything, just nodding to indicate that he heard you. you subconsciously clench and unclench your jaw at that, because god, he's so fucking annoying, but you swear you don't mean to release the slightly irritated sigh that you do. if you hadn't seen his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, you might not have known that your little sigh pissed him off, because you can't tell it from his face, save from the barely-there eyebrow twitch.

you don't know what it is about car rides with only one other person that make you feel so vulnerable, but you think paired with this kind of silence, you could potentially confess to murder in this setting. it's infuriating, how unresponsive he is, and part of you thinks you're jealous of the control he's exerting, because you're dead sure that if you were in his position, you'd have a fair amount to say. it must be satisfying for him in a way, watching you squirm like this out of guilt and discomfort, but you know in your heart that jaehyun simply isn't like that.

"look, jaehyun", your mouth is working faster than your brain, the silence proving to be too much for you to handle. "i know i fucked things up a bit. with how i ended it and everything..."

perhaps you should've taken a little more time to properly articulate your thoughts, because even jaehyun can't control the astounded scoff that slips out of his mouth. you yourself can't believe that you chose to deliver your words like that and it makes you sound so self-righteous, but they're out, and now you're bracing yourself to finally hear what jaehyun really has to say.

"fucked things up a bit? are you serious?", you can hear it in his voice that he's holding back, but he chooses to laugh in disbelief instead, which you think is actually worse than him straight up screaming at you. "y/n, you didn't even bother telling me in person. you dumped me over the fucking phone, saying it wasn't working."

you now kind of wish that you had just kept quiet and sat in his awkward car, and exchanged awkward niceties when you reach home, never to see him again. but this is your final chance at some form of redemption, and now that jaehyun was actually speaking his mind instead of giving you tight nods, you tried to explain yourself.

"jaehyun, i know, i just–"

"i called you a bunch of times. i tried to come see you and everything, but you went and changed your lock and all your friends were saying you didn't want to see me?"

there goes trying to explain yourself. so you sat and listened instead, and it was the least you could do. jaehyun's voice became more and more strained as he talked, the emotions he was feeling now a lot more evident. he was angry, but more importantly, he was confused, and sad.

"i just- i didn't know what went wrong, you know? we were completely fine as far as i knew", he continues on in a laboured way and he's not looking for you speak right now, so you don't. "fuck i- i thought we were in love."

the little laugh he lets out in between his words more or less breaks your heart, the whole scenario sounding all too familiar. those exact words were the last thing you'd heard from jaehyun before you fully and cruelly broke things off, letting him know the decision was final before cutting the call. you remember that day so clearly. you had meant to go see him and explain all this in person, that’s the whole reason you were in the car, but for some reason, you just couldn’t do it. you remember how much your hands were shaking as you waited for him to pick up the call, sitting in the car by yourself in the middle of your driveway. how long you sat and cried after you ended the call, tears falling until there weren't any left. how it began raining the very second you stepped out of your car to go back inside.

the weather was a funny thing, choosing to mirror your mood only when it saw fit. it was warm and sunny on the day you broke up with him, gentle breeze and wispy clouds all around. it was warm and sunny this morning, the weather ever so pleasant as you plucked up the courage to walk to his door. it was still unusually warm and sunny for the couple months following your break up, feeling sour as ever that the weather was so lovely and all you could do was sit in your room and feel sorry.

you took note of all these occasions because it always used to piss you off. though you shiver now in the car, you think it's kind of satisfying in a way, because the only two times your mood and the weather lined up was right after the break up, and the second you stepped outside your house with jaehyun; it feels like a premonition, or a revelation of sorts. the grey of the stormy sky matched the absolute devastation you felt after breaking up with him, rain pouring from the heavy clouds like they were crying for you. now, the cold, still air feels like baited breath, awaiting your next move.

"and nothing, i hear nothing from you for six fucking months until you're suddenly on my doorstep, asking me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. that's fucking insane!", he sounds a little wild now, very exasperated, but you figure it's probably better to just let him get it all out of his system, and you'd do good to listen to him as well. everything he's saying makes complete sense, all the emotions he dealt with akin to what you would've gone through had it been you in his place. "and you know what's more insane? i agreed. after all that, i agreed."

that’s the part you don’t understand. your heart is racing listening to him and you have so many thoughts swimming around in your head, it's difficult to filter them. you feel similar to how you felt back in the kitchen, although this time you can't take a minute by yourself to get over it. you absolutely refuse to cry in this moment, not wanting to seem like you're trying to victimise yourself when you are aware you're the problem. but you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

"why did you agree?", you physically can't raise your voice to louder than a whisper, the tension too thick to try and overpower it.

"why did you dump me?", he counters like a child, and while you were expecting the question, it still makes you freeze up a little. he huffs in annoyance when you don't say anything, inclining his head while he waits expectantly for you to answer. "you wanted to talk? let's talk, y/n. you don't get to just waltz back into my life like it's nothing. it's not fair," it's so cold, the way he says your name, but you try your best not to let it further shake you, mustering up the courage to finally speak. "it's so stupid, jaehyun."

he looks like he's about two seconds away from just combusting, the only sound piercing the cold air being the gentle hum of the engine. "don't you think i deserve to know?", he urges, voice edged with hurt and frustration. "i spent the whole day with you and your family, pretending like everything was happy and normal when it's not."

"i know, jaehyun-"

"then, tell me."

you shift uncomfortably in your seat, teeth toying with your bottom lip as you avoid looking at him. "i don't know," you murmur, your voice barely audible to yourself over the pounding of your heart.

"you don't know?", he repeats incredulously, his tone tinged with disbelief. "after everything, you don't know? don't lie to me, y/n."

your throat tightens as guilt washes over you, but you try to stand your ground. "i just... i couldn't do it anymore," you confess, voice trembling with emotion.

"couldn't do what?", he presses, his frustration mounting with each passing moment. you know he doesn't believe you, dead set on getting the answers he deserves. he's driving slowly now, allowing him to turn his head in your direction more often.

"this!", you exclaim but immediately recoil when you see the look of hurt flash in his eyes. "no! not this, i mean- me! it's my fault, you did nothing wrong." you're saying all the wrong things, but you're too overcome with emotion to attempt to form a coherent sentence. still, you know it's time that the truth came out, so you continue to explain with a heavy heart.

"i didn't mean to hurt you," you choke out, and your voice is so thick you have to swallow before you carry on. he looks indignant and rightfully so, but you go on before he can interrupt you again. "but i was so scared, jaehyun."

his expression softens at your state, replaced with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "scared of what?", he asks quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. you feel the need to pause for a moment, hands balled into tight fists as you try to regulate your breathing. you really didn't take into account how debilitating the night would be on yourself. sure, you knew it was going to be tough seeing jaehyun again, especially if he agreed to pretend to be together, but you weren't really expecting to hash it out like this, the weight of your decision pressing down on your like a leaden blanket.

the car moves so slow it may as well be still but when you turn to him, you can feel the burn of jaehyun's gaze, his eyes searching for some semblance of understanding. "i loved you", he whispers, voice cracking with the intensity of his words. "i would've done anything for you."

you're still, you're so so still. tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you struggle to find the right words to say, but he's completely thrown you off. the car has slowed to a stop, engine idling before he eventually turns it off in favour of turning to you.

"that's exactly why," you reply weakly, your voice a fraction of the volume it normally is. he surveys you intently, his expression a mix of confusion and hurt, eyes reflecting the very same sadness you feel.

"what do you mean?"

"i was scared of hurting you," your confession does nothing to ease his confusion, but you can see he looks more shocked than anything now. "scared of hurting me?," he echoes, his uncertainty and disbelief palpable. "this is so ironic, it's almost funny..."

you think hearing any more of what he has to say is actually going to kill you internally, so you know you have to rush to explain before he starts giving you a piece of his mind again. "i know, it's so fucking stupid, jaehyun", your voice is trembling from the sheer guilt you feel, bottom lip quivering so much you have to bite it to get it to stop. "everything was going so perfectly, you were so perfect, and it scared me so much."

he falls silent, much to your relief, his expression even softening minutely as he processes your words and this gives you the encouragement to continue. "remember that night on the beach? on the trip last year?", you speak tentatively, wanting him to understand your thought process and the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you at the time, though it's not much of a defense. the memory floods into your mind so vividly, and you can see it all; the salt in the air, the gentle breeze, the feeling of the sand, your intertwined hands swinging. it was so serene and you'd give anything to be there in that moment again, though it's nothing but a distant dream now.

he nods slowly without speaking, and you release a wet sort of laugh, feeling like you'd choke on the lump in your throat. "we talked about everything that night, our families, our childhoods, our futures...and then you brought up what would happen after we graduated college."

you know he remembers because his eyes light up with recognition and he looks like he's replaying that exact moment in his head, and you hope he remembers it with the same soft, gushy feeling you do. "you said you wanted to move in together, and don't get me wrong, i was thrilled, but it made me realise how...serious everything was, you know?", your voice catches in your throat and you're talking to yourself as much as you're talking to him and he seems to understand that, because he makes no attempt to stop you.

it's silent again for a bit as you two reminisce, but you break it again. "i just knew i was going to fuck up, jaehyun. maybe not right away, but eventually, and the thought terrified me," you sniffle a little, not being able to bring yourself to look up from your hands to meet his gaze. "that feeling never really went away, and it was eating me up from the inside. it got so bad that i had convinced myself that you were going to leave me, so i had to do it first, before i fucked up."

your sorrowful confession hangs in the air like an echo and you finally give in to the urge to look at him, and you're shocked– he looks at you so carefully, his expression soft, much, much softer than before. you couldn't stop the tears from finally falling if you tried , the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating the contours of your now wet face. your shared eye contact makes you feel nervous, but not in the way you were expecting– it's too gentle, too raw and it makes you feel a certain way.

"i know it's not an excuse," you're blubbering so much that your cheeks feel hot, you're practically falling apart in the passenger seat of jaehyun's car while he watches and lets you pour all your miseries out onto him. "you don't know how much i regretted it...but i thought i did the right thing. for the both of us. even though i just ended up doing what i was trying to avoid by hurting you."

it's too much now, jaehyun's too silent, and too not-angry for your liking; why is he looking at you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn't think you're the worst person in the world? you can't hold back the sob that's building in your chest, doubling over in favour of pressing your hands against your face and bawling into them. you're not too loud a cryer, but the tremors of emotion you feel are making your shoulders shake, so you're crying silently into your hands while trembling. however guarded he tries to be, the gentleness of his voice overpowers it as he speaks. "i know, shh...," he murmurs and you can't believe your ears, that the man you thought hated you is actually attempting to comfort you after everything. "breathe, y/n."

like it's second nature to him, his hand travels to your back as the sobs wrack through your body, immediately drawing soothing circles on to your covered skin with his thumb. you don't know how but this almost makes you feel worse, the fact that he's still so caring towards you. you pluck up the strength to lift your face from your moist hands, and you're sure it's not a pretty sight that greets him. your nose feels unbelievably stuffy, and your face is on fire when you meet his sympathetic eyes, the warmth from his gaze and hand spreading throughout you, even though he's now removed it. "i'm sorry," you manage through sniffles, but you think you almost flatline when he reaches his hand towards your face, ever so gently caressing it. his thumb juts out and sweeps across the skin under your eye, wiping away at the wetness. "i know."

"shh, it's okay. you're okay", he coos gently and slowly takes his hand back in favour of imitating slow breaths for you, helping you relax a little as you copy him. "why would you think i'd leave you?", he asks carefully once you've calmed down a bit and wiped your tear-streaked face, simply surveying you now. all you can offer him is a defeated shrug, attempting to collect your thoughts. "remember i told you about my ex? the very first one?"

he nods.

"i moved on obviously, like ages ago, but since then i think i've always had this idea that getting dumped is inevitable", you try to explain, voice small as he listens patiently. "it was either leave them or get left, and i was so scared that it would happen with you, that i'd fuck up so bad that you would leave. i couldn't do it."

he frowns and calls out your name in a way that sounds like he's about to lecture you, but you know he can't tell you anything that you haven't already told yourself. "i know, jae, it was so stupid, i know. i don't regret anything more", you sigh, giving him a tight, small smile when you lock eyes. "i'm sorry."

you notice his eyes soften at the nickname, releasing a quiet huff before he runs a hand through his hair. his body language doesn't carry the same anger it did before when he was ranting, now looking subdued and reflective. "i understand why you did what you did. it was stupid, but i understand", he murmurs, his voice impossibly soft when meeting your gaze, the eye contact so intense that you have to physically remind yourself not to cry again by digging your fingernails into your palms. "i would've never left you."

you nod slowly at his admission, his words hanging in the air. "i should've just talked to you...", you concluded in a sullen way and he doesn't reply in full, just mumbling a soft "yeah" under his breath. you don't mind the silence that fills the car this time, the underlying tension more or less dissipated, but you do notice the time, realising that jaehyun still needs to go back home after dropping you.

"should we, uh...", you gesture towards the road and he jumps up in his seat, as though he forgot that he was driving you somewhere in the first place, muttering "sorry" before twisting the key to start the car. this makes you let out an involuntary giggle and jaehyun shoots you a quick glare which immediately shuts you up, a certain warmth blooming in your chest when you see a small smile creep on to his face out of the corner of your eye.

it's quiet for a bit, jaehyun focusing on the road while you gaze out the window. much to your dismay, both the road and the various buildings and shops start to look a lot more familiar, indicating that you are nearing your home. you shouldn't be dismayed really, because this wasn't the most congenial of car rides, but it means that your time with jaehyun is coming to an end. you don't know what the conversation that took place means for you and him however, because unless you're alarmingly stupid, you feel that he may not hate you as much as he once did. does this mean you might even be able to see him again sometime? in a setting where you're not sweating and shaking at just the thought of seeing him?

you think it might be a bit audacious of you to ask that, so you don't. instead, you turn to him with a light grin, playing with the necklace clasped around your neck. "hey, at least you got some new headphones out of all of this", you joke lightheartedly, eyeing the package sitting on the backseat. he lets out a heartwarming chuckle at your comment, glancing at the bag through his rear view mirror. "i can't believe your parents bought that for me. you think they'll make me return it when they find out we aren't together?", he remarks, and you do your best to ignore the little pang you feel at the reminder of your situation. his comment does make you snort though, and you nod along with him. "nah, you need it more than anyone. your airpods have seen better days."

he laughs again, and you wouldn't believe that you two were arguing back and forth like madmen some twenty minutes back. this feels familiar and comfortable, and you cross your fingers in case you jinx it. "do you remember that time when we planned a picnic..." jaehyun begins, a sense of nostalgia shining through his cheeks. "and you forgot to bring the speakers? and we tried blasting music through my one airpod?"

you can't stop the peals of laughter that escape from your mouth as you nod, covering your mouth when your snort makes him laugh as well. "remind me why we didn't just play the music straight from your phone?", you question, replaying the memory in your mind like it was recent. he pauses to think for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck while he hums. "yeah, what the fuck? why didn't we just do that?"

you're laughing in unison as you take this trip down memory lane together, the next few minutes of the car ride consisting of exclamations of "oh! remember when..." and "that time when...", both of you adding on to the memories with your own perspectives and insights. the fact that the conclusion of your little dispute remains ambiguous doesn't bother you too much at the moment, happy to just enjoy the warm atmosphere while you can.

jaehyun's animatedly recounting a story about your sister downloading a game on his phone when you face him, and the last thing you remember paying attention to was that she had somehow managed to spend a large amount of his actual money on it. your eyes are focused on him now, just studying him, and he seems to realise that you aren't listening to his story when he glances at you.

"what?", he questions, the corner of his eyes crinkling when he narrows them at you in an playful manner, taking one hand off the steering wheel to drum absentmindedly on his thigh. "nothing, i just...", you trail off, scanning his features. "you changed your hair. it's...nice. i wanted to tell you that earlier."

he clearly wasn't expecting the compliment, mouth opening and then closing as he tries to think of an admissible reply. "you like it?", he then asks, a shy smile tugging at his lips when he consciously cards his fingers through the longer bit at the back. at your reaffirming nod and heavy gaze, the expected pink sheen dusts his cheeks and though you can't see them, you know the tips of his ears are pink too. he mumbles something of a timid "thank you", both of you smiling like idiots while he trains his eyes on the road.

not too soon after, his car is pulling into your dark driveway. you can't help the sinking feeling in your chest, lips curved slightly downwards. none of the lights are on, save for the streetlight, illuminating the street in a ghostly, dim way. your house looks just like it had for the past many months, gloomy and lonely, and you're absolutely dreading the idea of moping around once again. if this day spent with jaehyun has showed you anything, it's that you're a 100% sure you've not moved on, and that you won't for a long, long time. simply put, you're still in love with him, and you'll have to carry the cross of your mistake for some time to come.

he switches the ignition off but neither of you move. you're sat in your dull driveway on an otherwise empty street, all the other lights of your neighbouring houses off. neither of you say anything, mostly because you're not sure what one is supposed to say in this situation, so everything is still.

"so–"

"well–"

you let out a nervous chuckle while he smiles a bit, both of you mumbling apologies for interrupting each other. "you go first", jaehyun compels you, but now you don't know what to say because you were just going to make it up as you speak. your mouth has a way of working faster than your brain sometimes, but neither seem to be too functional at the present moment. "no, you go", is all you got, and jaehyun has the nerve to roll his eyes, twisting in his seat a little so he's facing you.

"i was just going to say that we uh, reached your place", he claims in a deadpanned manner, but your car door is still locked and your seatbelt is still locked in. you think you must have lost your mind, hoping that he'd tell you to stay with him forever and never leave (which you would have agreed to in a heartbeat). "i guess we have...", you nod, looking out the window and observing your home. maybe it was the dread of going back to your old routine that gave you the sudden boost of confidence, but you realise he never answered your question from before.

"jaehyun...", you begin but falter when you think you might be overstepping, ultimately deciding to just ask anyway when he looks at you expectantly. "why did you agree to come today? we both know you didn't have to."

he looks like he was dreading the very question you asked for some time, shutting his eyes when he leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. "i don't know", is the answer he gives you, voice muffled through the palms of his hands that are rubbing his face tiredly. biting your lip, you have to hold back a similar sigh because you should've known he's not going to just tell you like that. you have no right to press, but yet you do, one more time. "jaehyun, please?"

maybe it's because you sound so meek, but he drops his hands in favour of looking at you, really looking at you, like he's searching your eyes. "why do you think?", he turns it back on you, but you know this is just his way of avoiding the question. "if i knew, i wouldn't be asking. i know you don't have to tell me, you don't owe me a single thing, i just–", you speak desperately with all of the confidence you can muster, worried that your bottom lip would start trembling again. "please, i need to know."

you're looking each other dead in the eye, and while your voice isn't strong, it's honest and raw, and jaehyun can sense that. you can see that there's a million thoughts running in his mind just by the pained look in his eye and your own heartbeat has picked up, the sound deafening in your ears.

"if you haven't figured it out by now, i don't know what to tell you."

thud. thud. thud. you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat over the sound of his, but the blood pumping through your veins is making your ears ring, because what did he mean by that? you hope it means what you want it to mean, but you can't just assume you know everything because you're delusional at this point. "jaehyun, what are you sayi–"

"i agreed because i'm still in love with you."

there it is. the silence after his confession is positively deafening, your mouth agape as your try to register what you just heard. your eyes flicker between his, searching for any signs that he's just messing you and that it's some cruel joke, though it would be completely in his right to fuck with you if he wanted. he's never looked more vulnerable, eyes trained on you in an almost frantic way, like he himself can't believe what he just said. the way he just blurted it out makes you think that he didn't fully mean to admit that, but it's out, nothing he could do to take it back.

"what?", your own voice sounds like an echo and you wish you had something else to say because you heard him loud and clear, but there's a burning ache in your chest that claws all the way up to your throat. the shock is evident in your voice, not knowing what to do with yourself as you visibly process his words. "tell me you're joking", you plead in a pained way, words barely above a whisper. he doesn't say anything, looking lost in his own thoughts as his eyes scan your face. "you don't hate me?"

"hate you?", he scoffs disconsolately, shaking his head slowly. "i couldn't hate you if i tried. and believe me, i tried."

you can hardly believe your ears. you know your heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, it feels wrong almost for you to be feeling as relieved as you are. "after everything?", you insist dumbfoundedly, but the longing in your voice is palpable, even if you're trying to give him a way out. "i was so horrible to you, jaehyun." you hate the way your voice cracks, but jaehyun just sighs and offers you a sad smile.

"there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."

it's heartbreaking, how defeated he sounds, but he's also looking at you like you could do no wrong in his eyes. "i never moved on", you whisper, hesitance clear as you tell him the truth. "i couldn't delete any of our pictures, i still have all your clothes, sometimes i accidentally set the table for two when it's just me..."

he's blinking quickly, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was trying to hold back tears. your break-up did nothing but cause immense amounts of pain for the both of you, and you'd give anything in the world to make up the time lost. his wide-eyed and nearly motionless expression urges you to continue, ready to pour out your heart to the man you loved.

"i still have your number memorised", your face mirrors his, voice growing stronger by the minute. "all the gifts and letters you've ever given me, they're all still there in that shoebox in my cupboard."

"i thought about you everyday", his whisper is raspy, speaking right after you do. "every party i went to, i looked for you even though i knew you wouldn't be there. you know johnny tried setting me up with people?"

you try to suppress the little sting, but you feel it deep inside you. "he did?", you have to clear your throat, and you almost don't want to ask but you do anyway. he releases a sad little chuckle and nods, toying with his fingers. "yeah. i knew i was doomed when the whole date, i wished she was you."

the smile finds its way on to your face against your will, feeling that familiar lump make its way to your throat. "she could've made you happy, jae", you argue anyway because at the end of the day, you want the best for him, and you know you're far from the best.

"no one could make me feel the way you do, y/n", he replied honestly, and there's a sense of finality to his words, like he'd had this same argument with himself time and time again, only to come to this conclusion. “the thought of anyone else touching you made me sick”, he croaked, not missing the way his eyes ghost over your frame.

his words bring about a noticeable shift in the air, followed by silence. he watches you, and you watch him, breathing slow as your eyes dart across his face.”i don’t want anyone but you”, you confess slowly, and a few beats pass before you find it in you to speak again. "i love you, jaehyun."

silence.

you expected disapproval, maybe even a malicious scoff, but you certainly weren't expecting to feel a soft pair of lips against yours as he suddenly lurches forward.

you're stunned, so stunned that you don't even reciprocate the kiss, lips unmoving against his. it's only when he takes this as a sign of discomfort and breaks the kiss that you find yourself reacting, hands immediately making their way to caress his cheeks, leaning forward to chase his lips and close the distance between you. he lets out a sound of surprise against your lips but kisses you back right away, a hand wrapping around your neck from the back, tangling itself in your hair. the kiss is heated and so long overdue, tangible through the way his lips meld furiously together with yours, teeth clashing every now and then.

your hands make their way to his broad shoulders, one wrapping around them while the other comes to rest on his chest, gripping the material of his hoodie. you have the urge to be impossibly close to him, trying to lean forward to kiss him more fully but you're restricted by your seatbelt. it's almost as if he can read your mind, because the hand placed against your face now moves to press on the buckle to release you without breaking the kiss. "fucking seatbelt...", he mumbles disgruntedly against your lips, fiddling with the button until you hear it click, finally separating yourself from him to slip it over you. "there we go."

you don't stay separated for long because jaehyun uses the hand behind your head to pull you towards him again, capturing your lips in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. "come here", he grunts, using his long arms to pull you clumsily over the gearshift and straight on to his lap. you settle yourself in to the somewhat awkward position in the enclosed space, but that's the last thing on your mind when all your thoughts consist of jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun. his lips are back on yours in a instance, tongue sweeping across your bottom lip messily and you gladly allow it to explore your mouth.

the air is impossibly thick, heavily contrasting to the cold weather outside the car, even his lips and hands feel warm against your hot body. you feel his hands grip your waist easily in this position, lips leaving your own to drag across the expanse of your jaw. you whine quietly at the feeling of his mouth sucking a particular spot on your neck, tilting your head back as you wrap your arms around his neck. "missed this", he muses, tongue peeking out to kitten lick at your neck, breath hot against your sensitive skin. "missed you."

the feeling in your chest when his hands find their way under your shirt and on to your bare skin is inexplicable, unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from your lips when his big hands glide over your stomach, back and finally your breasts. everything about the way he's touching you and kissing you is greedy and urgent, like he's afraid you'll disappear from his arms if he loosens his grip even by a little bit. you'd be a fool to not match this energy, pressing into him while you squeeze your hands over his. "need you so bad, jae."

you're subconsciously grinding down against him needily, hips stuttering against his lap like you've never been touched before. "fuck", your eyes widen at the groan that leaves his throat, sounding absolutely guttural as he grips the skin of your hip harshly.

he's barely done anything and you're coming undone right in front of his watchful eyes, your panties dampening at the look on his face. "jae..", you whine when his fingers dip past the waistband of your pants, gently cupping your clothed core as you rut against it. "shit, baby", he marvels at the stickiness of your panties, feeling your wetness on his fingers just through the material. "you really missed me, huh?"

you don't even have the time to respond to his cocky remark before his fingers are slipping beneath the band of your panties to circle your clit, spreading the wetness around your folds. a breathy sigh escapes your lips, throwing your head back as he experimentally prods at your entrance and eventually slips a finger inside. "still so tight for me", he all but groans, pumping his finger in and out of you languidly, drinking in the sounds of your pleasure. he feels so blissfully familiar, and though you haven't been touched by him, or anyone for that matter for months, the stretch of his second finger feels the same kind of intimate as it did before, if not more.

you lean forward and press your lips against his once again, kissing him like you might never get the chance to again, all while you're grinding back down on his hand that's fingering you steadily with a thumb circling your clit at the same time. his free hand moves to bunch your top up above your breasts, peppering kisses over the tops of them. he wastes no time in pulling your breasts free from from their cups, attaching his lips to one nipple and swirling his tongue around it in a way that makes you cry out. "my pretty girl", he mumbles almost to himself while cupping your other breast, making a show out of it as his tongue flicks over your hardened bud over and over until your arching your back and pressing it further into his face. “thought about this all the time.”

keeping in mind that you're still technically in a public place, you bite your lip to contain the sounds of your pleasure, though jaehyun doesn't make it easy when he notices this and increases the pace of his fingers. the hand fondling your breast leaves it unattended for a moment to release your bottom lip from your teeth, smoothing his thumb over the swollen skin. "i've waited months to hear these sounds. let me hear you, baby", he all but purrs and that's all it takes for a moan to tumble out of your mouth, pressing your forehead against the side of his face while you screw your eyes shut out of pleasure.

with his attack on your sensitive buds and his fingers pistoning inside of you, you know you aren't going to last long. "already?", jaehyun chides with a small smirk, and it's embarrassing how well he knows your body, grazing his teeth against your nipple in a way that feels painful and heavenly at the same time. you can feel his rock hard bulge against you, and with the untimely grinding of your hips against him, you're sure this is torturous for him. "don't wanna come like this", you whine against his cheek, your entire body feeling sticky from the heat inside the closed vehicle. your puckered lips leave wet kisses all over the expanse of his cheek, and the boyish giggle that leaves his mouth makes your heart flutter. "wanna feel you, jae."

his head is thrown back against the headrest and his eyes are shut tightly, jaw clenched as he slowly slips his fingers out of you. though you whine at the loss of contact and you're almost grinding against the air, you want nothing more than to make him feel good as well. "want you to fill me up", you coo at him, softly linking your hands behind his neck as you test the waters with your words. it's clear they have an effect on him, both hands placed on your hips as he helps you lazily grind against his erection. "don't– have a condom", he grits out, hips bucking up to meet yours. "don't need one", you murmured immediately, knowing he wants this as bad as you do.

his eyes flicker open at that, one hand leaving your hip to brush some stray hairs away from your face, gently tucking some behind your ear. you could melt at the way he's looking at you, so tender and loving, a warmth spreading all over you until you feel like you have to look away. he doesn't let you however, hand quickly coming you to cup your cheek before leaning in place a small peck against your lips. "are you sure?", he sounds breathless, but still firm as his eyes glance between yours like he's reading them.

if he can read them, he'll know that you can't nod fast enough, dragging your hips across his needily to show him. "i'm sure. i want you, jae.", you're so needy that you don't even bother to take your pants or panties off fully, fingers fumbling with the waistband as you shimmy them down a little, leaving your underwear on. you swear your mouth waters when he unbuttons his pants and lets his cock spring out against his stomach, lustful eyes taking in the way he keeps his shirt up with his teeth. if this weren't such an awkward position, you'd have taken him in your mouth in an instant, knowing exactly what to do to hear the man in front of you whimper.

nudging your panties to the side, he focuses on collecting your wetness all over the tip of his dick, hissing at the contact. "please", you whine, not wanting to waste another moment, finally sighing in relief when he begins to press his cock inside you. he swears under his breath at the feeling, and you're feeling so stretched out just from him slipping it in even though you're still so wet that you just go lax in his arms until he bottoms out. "that's it", he grunts like he's holding back. "taking me so well, angel."

you preen at his praise, finally beginning to move your hips a little at his coaxing. sighing against the shell of his ear, he picks up the pace for you, not warning you before thrusting upwards to meet your movements with a groan. you can feel your mind going blank at the sensation, your moans sounding more like cries whenever he snaps his hips into yours, the obscene sounds filling the car. you're just so full, his hands gliding up and down your sides as he fucks deep inside you, making up for all the lost time. "you feel so good, baby", he barely gets his words out, but it gives you the encouragement to bounce up and down on his thick cock a little faster than before, his eyes widening at the feeling. "just like that."

he's kissing and sucking all over your neck again, lips ghosting over whatever skin he can reach and it's all so much, feeling a single tear stream down your face. he almost slows down for a second when he feels the tear drop on to his own face, eyebrows raised in surprise because he thinks he's hurting you, but he's even more shocked when you let out the high-pitched whine. "what's wrong, angel?", he mumbles into your neck, peering up at you carefully. you shake your head profusely, continuing to grind down on his cock. "i just- just love you so much, jae", you blabber incoherently, so wet that you're practically gushing around his dick.

"aw, baby", he shushes you sweetly, pressing his forehead against yours as his thrusts become more and more erratic. "i'm here. not going anywhere." the coil in your stomach is tightening and you can feel every inch of him inside you, more tears threatening to spill from your eyes before he's kissing them away. "i'm here."

he's hitting all the right spots inside you in this position, and he's basically doing all the work because you're like putty in his strong arms, all you can do is moan and cry out against him weakly. "i'm close", you warn him, but you know he already knows that, and you know he is too, slipping your hand down to where his rests on your hip and interlacing your fingers. "me too, pretty", he sputters through his teeth, giving your hand a tight squeeze as you start to come undone. “want you to cum. can you do that for me?”

"oh my god", you're crying out as you cum around his cock, body and mind going numb and ears ringing as the coil finally snaps. "cum inside me, jae, please", his eyes go wide at the way you're begging him, and he doesn't look like he can hold back much longer. "fuck angel, you- you sure–"

"yes, please, need you to fill me up", you cut him off, too sensitive from the way he's helping you ride out your high to move anymore. with a few more sloppy thrusts, his cock is twitching inside you before you lets out a guttural groan, his warm cum filling you up. you go limp against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck as the both of you try to regulate your heartbeats.

the sounds of your heavy breathing fills up the car along with jaehyun's soft murmurs of "so perfect" and "did so well for me". any doubts you had in your mind of this being a mistake in jaehyun's eyes are wiped away when he begins petting your head, gently smoothing your messy hair as he presses firm kisses to your head. his cock softens inside of you but he makes no move to pull out, wrapping his arms around your waist while you do the same around his neck, simply sitting in each other's presence silently.

you struggle but finally pick yourself up, gazing at his moonlit face from your place on his lap. “you okay? was that okay?”, he murmurs softly, his voice thick and eyes hazy as he traces little shapes on your back. “more than okay”, you reply tiredly, pressing your lips against his once again because you feel you’re in a dream-like state right now. you're sure he's the most beautiful man you're ever had the privilege of looking at, feeling incredibly vulnerable when you speak again even though he's looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes. "now what?", you question, suddenly feeling like you've jumped the gun when he opens his mouth to say something but stays silent. "never mind, don't answer that, we'll talk about it later", you shake your head, laughing a little breathlessly when he grins at you, pecking his forehead sweetly.

you look away from him and at your lifeless house, mouth working faster than your brain once again. "would you...want to come in?", you wince, feeling kind of stupid for asking but meaning it anyway. you're both comforted and thrilled when a large grin is plastered on to his face, feeling like maybe your home won't be as lifeless anymore.

"i think i'd love to come in."

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