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f*ck, I love you 02 / eddie munson

𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: You were intrigued by the nickname "freak" after you switched to Hawkins high school. It turned out that you had a lot in common with him and that you would go to any efforts to keep him safe. But, once you confess your feelings for him and a further incident occurs, things become complicated, making it difficult for you to maintain your friendship with him.

𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉: 4.4k+

𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: mentions of drugs, loads of crying, making out

part one of this story can be found here

You last encountered Eddie two days ago. No matter how hard you tried to forget the pain, it lingered. You were aware that it was horrible since you stayed at home and missed school, despite your best efforts to force yourself there. Because now that you knew the truth, seeing him would make more rips in your heart.

Nothing he said made sense to you. Why he declared you don't belong together and why he can't be your friend any more. Going back over your relationship with him and all the times you two had spent together, there had never been any strange occurrences, so it didn't make sense. Small conflicts, maybe, but neither you nor he would ever speak in such a way.

But after that, that kiss, things became even more twisted. You felt like it was real, like it meant something but then when he started speaking nonsense, the real changed into him kissing you out of pity. However, why on earth would anyone do that when someone is being completely honest?

All you could do was sleep while more questions slowly crept into your head. You were slouched on your unmade bed from the moment you returned from visiting Eddie on Wednesday at approximately 10 o'clock. You lost the motivation to complete even a simple task. Your cheeks were stained from crying, and your eyes were so puffy it burned to cry.

The phone in your room rang out of the blue, but fortunately it was just next to your bedside table, so you only needed to make one movement to pick it up.

‘’Hello?’’ you ask the caller but there was silence ‘’Hello?’’ you say again, thinking it just might be a prank call until you hear…

‘’Just…tell me that you’re safe.’’

Eddie.

It was Eddie.

Your gut felt as though it were being punched so hard that you lost all sense of self. You were just holding on to the phone when you sensed it start slipping till it finally dropped from your hand. It struck the edge of your bed and swung from the wire but you could still hear his faint voice.

Why did he even need to call, much alone say that? Because hearing that did not improve your situation in any way.

The call ends when you hear a beeping sound, and you are able to carefully take it and put it back. As soon as you do that, you turn off the light and make your way under the covers. But that is until you get another call, however only this time you didn’t pick up and the heaviness of your eyes took over you and you fell into a deep sleep.

—-

The following morning, when you awakened, you had no idea what time it was since everything felt the same. It wasn't a surprise that your body was in pain and that your eyes hurt 10 times more than they did yesterday.

You slowly remove the sheets and place your feet on the ground. In your head it was pounding, as if something kept crashing into it and you needed some sort of medicine to soothe the pain.

After taking the medication, you headed back upstairs, and as you were ready to go into bed, your phone rang once again. As you put your palm on top of the phone, your thoughts instantly turned to Eddie, and you trembled. A part of you wanted his voice to be on the other end of the line, but yet another part didn't.

‘’Hello? Y/n?’’ a familiar voice said and quickly your breathing eased.

‘’Nancy?’’

Eddie introduced you to her and others, a few months ago and you’d hang out with them occasionally. Sometimes with Eddie, sometimes without him. But lately she had been so busy, you were unable to see her and it was nice to hear her voice.

‘’Are you okay? What’s with your voice? I have been calling you since yesterday and asked others if they know where you were but they told me you haven’t been to school.’’ so it was her that called after Eddie. But now you weren’t even sure if that phone call even happened or if your mind created it.

‘’I’m okay um…’’ you placed your hand on the phone, while coughing to the side ‘’I was sick for a bit but I’m doing better now.’’

But that didn’t fool Nancy. Even if you weren’t best friends with her, she still could sense something was wrong, just by your voice.

‘’Y/n…’’ she sighs ‘’tell me please.’’

You knew you wouldn't be able to control your tears if you were about to cry and someone had asked you whether you were okay. You glanced up at the ceiling with your eyes tightly closed, doing your best to force them away while your lower lip twitched.

‘’Nancy I…’’ it was over, you were crying ‘’I’m so sad. I had a fight with Eddie and he said so many mean things that I can’t even believe…’’ you wiped at the endless tears, while your head was still hurting and this didn’t help one bit.

‘’Oh Y/n, I’m so sorry.’’ her voice was sincere and she asked you to explain everything to which you began telling her about your feelings, Chrissy, when you went to his trailer and him calling you last night.

She was calming you down, telling you it’s going to be okay but what really stuck to you is when she said ‘’All I know is that he never had someone like you.’’

She informed you during the conversation that one of her coworkers was throwing a party at their home to commemorate their first piece being published, and she instructed Nancy to invite anyone she knows. However you know yourself and know parties aren't your thing. But Nancy persuaded you when she said the event wouldn't be anything like a party in high school.

She said her goodbye and asked if you wanted her to pick you up but you quickly said that you’d rather drive yourself there just in case you’d feel like going home.

You look at the clock and see that you still have time to catch school. Attendance was something you didn’t care about right now, still you wished to go because you were afraid that the principal might call and somehow connect you missing out on school with that packet of pills they found in Eddie’s locker.

You weren't surprised by your looks when you looked in the mirror. Since it was worse than yesterday, you reached for your small makeup pouch to cover up the puffiness. Although it didn't do much, it had to.

After freshening up, you sat in your car driving to the school.

As you were driving and passing by your neighborhood, your and Eddie’s favorite song started playing. It was the first song Eddie had ever played to you on his guitar. You remembered like it was yesterday, sitting on his floor watching him from above. He strummed with his fingers and the familiar melody played.

He looked so happy, humming the lyrics, glancing down on you, squinting his eyes unsure if you were enjoying it but all you could do was watch him in awe. After he finished you began clapping and he laughed, relieved you liked it.

Such a nice memory turned into you not even being able to listen to the song. Slowly you lower the volume, until it was completely silent.

Arriving at your school, you scanned the parking lot, seeing no signs of Eddie’s car. It was a relief but at the same time you were worried. These feelings won't just go away in one moment or when you snap your fingers.

As you were walking to your first class, you heard someone call out your name from behind.

‘’Y/n!’’ it was Chrissy. Her ponytail swang as she skipped to you, smiling up to hear ears.

‘’Oh hey.’’ you say back, trying to sound nice.

‘’I haven’t seen you in school for like 2 days. Did you get sick?’’ her eyes were shining so bright that you couldn’t help but to think how Eddie likes looking at them as she speaks.

‘’Um, yeah I got a little sick,’’ you scratched your shoulder ‘’but I’m all better now.’’ you open up your locker, getting some of your books out as Chrissy leans forward.

‘’Was it because of the other day?’’ she whispers and you look at her in confusion.

‘’The other day?’’ you ask because your mind instantly went to you practically storming off and avoiding Eddie’s touch. Maybe she picked up on it.

‘’Yeah, you said you weren’t feeling well? Is it from that day?’’

You feel a big relief, she didn’t catch onto your feelings for Eddie.

‘’Yes, oh…’’ you pick up a book to see if it was the right one ‘’I didn’t feel like going anyways but Eddie insisted so,’’ you put the book in your bag ‘’I had to go.’’

‘’Oh Eddie yes… he’s also feeling sick.’’

Your hand stops mid putting your book in your bag. As you turn to face Chrissy, you see that her eyes have significantly changed. It almost seemed as though she was worried about him, which ultimately stoked a great fire inside of you that you made every effort to maintain it.

How will you continue the conversation because you wanted to ask her how she knew that but at the same time you didn’t want to seem like you weren’t talking to him.

‘’Yeah, I think he might of caught something from me.’’ you fastly made up a lie which was kind of ironic.

‘’Probably but I went to see him yesterday and he wasn’t home.’’

What? Where could he have possibly been if he was sick? Also that didn’t make any sense as well since he called you at 10pm.

‘’When did you go to his place?’’

Chrissy leans back and ponders for a moment, tapping on her chin.

‘’I think it was past 10pm, which now that I think about was maybe the wrong time for me to go and see him but I got worried because he hasn’t been to school and he wasn’t answering my calls.’’ she explains and you narrow your eyebrows, confused at this whole situation. How did she then know he was sick?

‘’Oh well you know how Eddie is. Sometimes he’s in a deep slumber that he doesn’t hear anything.’’ you reassure her even though you weren’t sure if that was true.

‘’No, his car wasn’t home…’’ Chrissy’s voice quiets down ‘’I’ll ask one of his Hellfire club friends again if maybe they had a meeting or something.’’ she whips her ponytail around and walks off before turning around again, waving you a goodbye.

At least now you know how she found out he was sick; Hellfire club.

When you first met Eddie and told him you wanted to join it, just to be friends with him at the end you didn’t become part of it. However, you would hang around at his 'lair' and become friends with everyone there.

You never understood the motive behind those who wanted to close down Eddie's club, including Jason and the rest of his buddies. No one was harmed by it; it was just a game they all liked to play. In your eyes it was way better than playing basketball and being sweaty among all others.

Lunch time was around and you glance over to where you’d usually sit. Mike and Dustin, were sitting at their spots, while some other members were talking amongst themselves. The chair where Eddie would be sitting was of course empty.

You still went and walked over as you haven’t spoken to any of them since the last time you came to school.

They all turn their heads once they see a shadow standing by the table and drop their food.

‘’Y/n! You are finally back, are you feeling better? Eddie said you were sick and I guess he caught the same thing like you did.’’ Mike said as you sat beside him.

‘’Oh, um yes, much better.’’ you place your tray on the table, while your backpack was in between your legs on the floor.

‘’Glad to hear that. Eddie said he might come today,’’ Mike looks around the cafeteria ‘’but I guess he still doesn’t feel well.’’

So Eddie spoke with Mike but didn’t return calls to Chrissy? Your heart felt lighter after hearing that, even though you were still lost among so many questions that didn’t have answers.

‘’We’re kind of struggling right now,’’ Dustin leans over the table ‘’without our Dungeon master, we can’t really do much.’’ he sighs

‘’Can’t someone replace him?’’ you question and Dustin’s eyes widen.

‘’You are lucky he isn’t here.’’ but then he laughs and you laugh with him. It felt nice to finally put a smile on your face since most of your days now were filled with endless tears.

Night time finally rolls around and you are standing in your room, looking at yourself in the mirror. You didn’t know what to wear, since this was a whole different group of people you’d be meeting but again you didn’t want to put so much effort into your outfit.

You glance over to your phone, for some reason hoping it would ring again but since yesterday it hadn’t rang. The rest of your day today in school was spent with you wondering where he could have gone yesterday. You were actually tempted to go and see if he was in that forest, where the two of you would usually hang out but that was only on Mondays.

Eddie and you had a few different locations but they would be considered as ‘sketchy’ so you didn’t want to go on your own.

Taking your keys, you went up to your car and started driving to his place. Very quickly you found out that this wasn’t some sort of super fancy area. Because you turned up at a house.

You look back at the piece of paper, where you scribbled on the address and glance at the sign; you were at the right place. But this party looked like a highschool party.

Cars were parked everywhere along the property, with people holding their drinks, some sitting outside, some partying it on the inside. You observed the faces and saw quite a lot of familiar faces from your school.

Locking your car, you walk closer and start looking for Nancy.

Once you spot her, she signals for you to come over and gives you a sort of ‘I’m sorry’ look. You raise your eyebrows, pointing at everything around you as she pulls you in for a hug.

‘’I am so sorry, turns out I misread the situation.’’ she pulls back from the hug ‘’Turns out we were invited to their friends party but they’re hosting it for them.’’ she was signaling with her fingers, trying to explain the situation but you were already lost.

‘’It’s okay, I’m here now so it doesn’t matter whose party it is.’’ you snicker as Nancy takes a sip from her drink.

‘’Let’s talk over there.’’ she points to a bench that was sitting a bit far off from the house and the music slowly quiets down.

‘’Have you talked to Eddie?’’ Nancy asks, crossing her legs.

‘’No, he hasn’t been to school either.’’ you explain as she hands you her drink and you decline.

‘’It’s not alcohol, it’s water.’’ you look at her and both of you begin laughing.

The night went on with you explaining to her about Chrissy. Nancy had no idea who she was since she graduated highschool last year, so you told her how she was telling you how he wasn’t picking any of her calls and that she even visited him.

‘’I’m sure he’ll come around Y/n. Maybe he’s just trying to process everything. I bet he didn’t mean anything he said to you.’’

A few hours later you were still sitting on that bench as Nancy went inside to greet some of her colleagues from her work as they showed up super late. You yourself were really surprised you even managed to stay for this long but sitting here, chatting to Nancy felt nice.

It was also nice to catch up with her, as she told you what was going on at work. You wondered where Johnatan was, since he’d usually be by her side but this whole night you don’t even think he showed up.

Soon Nancy walked back out with another cup in her hands, lending it to you.

‘’Thanks.’’ you say as you take a sip and almost gulp the entire thing up and soon you felt like your stomach was about to explode.

‘’You do not want to go in there.’’ Nancy says as she points to the house.

She didn’t even have to explain herself because you could already imagine it was a mess. Now that you looked around, you only noticed that all highschoolers were inside (except you) while people that were out of highschool, were chilling outside.

‘’Damn it but I really need to pee.’’ you cry out.

‘’You could pee here outside.’’ as you glanced around you saw some bushes in the distance but someone was already doing their business over there and both of you cringed from the scene.

‘’I’ll risk it and just go inside.’’

Nancy and you walked up to the door that was already flung open. Music was blasting in your ears, all kinds of different tunes played as people danced to the rhythm of it. It was just as bad as you imagined it.

‘’Nancy!’’ a friend of hers calls out to her name and you exchange eyes with her telling her she doesn’t have to go with you and can wait for you downstairs.

You walk up the stairs and try to find a bathroom that wasn’t full. The house felt a bit like a maze. It had so many rooms that it felt like they were never ending.

Noticing some familiar faces, you didn’t wish to talk to anyone and just slipped past them but they were all so immersed into kissing.

Finally you find a bathroom that was free and think to yourself that by now you would’ve already done your business outside but at least now you are going to feel comfortable.

As you were done you washed your hands and adjusted your hair, fixing it just a little bit. You took a deep breath in as you knew you were going to have to go back and be thrown to this sea of people, with sweaty bodies and the smell of alcohol in the air.

But as you go to place your hand on the door knob, it turns on its own. The door swings open and you thought you were going to faint right here and there.

‘’Eddie?’’

He slipped in and closed the door behind him, locking it. You didn’t know what to do, your hands were behind you, nervously fiddling with one another. Not seeing him was so weird since you were together so much but him standing in front of you now, was even weirder. Your mouth was dry, you didn’t know what to say to him as he stood there, eyes locked on you.

‘’Hey um…’’ he wanders off, scratching at his neck, which you knew he only did when he was nervous.

At that moment you realized you couldn’t be there. You couldn’t be standing in front of the guy, you confessed your feelings for and were now just waiting for him to say something worse.

You go to open the door but Eddie stops you and grabs your arm.

‘’Please don’t go.’’ he whispers as you slowly look up and meet his eyes.

Up close, you could see the tears forming, he was biting on his lips, trying to not let them slip. But your heart ached for him, you just couldn’t stop yourself from feeling so much love for him. He was the only person that has ever made you feel loved, as he accepted you for who you were and never doubted you for anything.

‘’I don’t want you to go,’’ one tear slips along his cheek and he fastly wipes it with his fingers ‘’I know I’m an asshole but God Y/n…’’ he gazes into you ‘’I am so fucking sorry for everything that I said. I didn’t mean any of it.’’

‘’Why did you say it then Eddie?’’ you slowly ask.

Eddie sighs and slowly back you up to the bathtub that was right across from the door. He tells you to sit down as he crouches in front of you, placing his hands on your knees.

‘’Y/n… when I kissed you fuck,’’ he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip ‘’I wanted to do that for so long. Ever since you showed up at the Hellfire club, you awakened something in me. I was so lucky to have met you and spent time with you but…’’ he pauses for a bit as his voice began shaking and another tears falls onto his face ‘’look at you and look at me Y/n.’’

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion ‘’I don’t understand what you mean by that Eddie.’’

He harshly exhales as he rubs your knees, his hands touching at your exposed skin. They were rough, just as they usually would be and he wasn’t wearing any of his rings.

‘’When you first came to me, I actually thought someone dared you to do that. Such a beautiful girl trying to be my friend? No, I thought this is someone trying to set me up.’’ Eddie’s eyes follow up from your knees back to your face ‘’But when I realized it’s not a joke, I was so fucking happy. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.’’ his hands move down your legs and he gently squeezes them, his jawline was trembling now from how much he was trying to hold back his tears.

‘’Y/n, I’m so scared. I have never felt like this about anyone and the thought of you leaving me one day, I don’t know what I would do with myself. That’s why I said all of that, I wanted to steer you away from me. I thought maybe if I do that, I’d also stop fantasizing about us being together but it was a mistake.’’ he shakes his head, by now he was crying. And you have never seen him cry, only out of laughter but Eddie has never shown you his vulnerable side in this state.

Sure he told you a lot about his worries, secrets and other things that bothered him but he never cried in front of you. That’s why right now your heart was breaking to see him like this. He clutched tightly on your legs then and lost balance before he dropped down.

‘’I am so fucking sorry, I’m sorry about the drugs I know you were only trying to help. But I was so mad at myself that I let you see my drug box and suddenly you were pulled into this mess. I hate myself for doing that Y/n.’’ his eyes slowly travel back up to you and you didn’t even notice at first but even you let some tears slip past your skin, even though you thought you wouldn’t be able to cry again.

‘’Fuck, I love you.’’ he grits through his teeth and your heart rate jumps up.

After Monday’s events, you never would have thought he’d say something like that. You knew the kiss meant something to him as well but you were still wary of the situation yet you knew deep down he felt something there.

‘’Eddie…’’ you slowly began as you pushed yourself off the tub and sat on the floor. He still had his hands on your legs and you took them in yours and placed them on each side of his face. ‘’There is no ‘look at me’ and ‘look at you’. That doesn’t exist Eddie. To me you mean the world, I would do anything for you. I myself didn’t mean anything I said that day at the trailer but I was heartbroken.’’ you gently wiped his tears, right underneath his eyes ‘’I love you Eddie, so much.’’

Eddie’s hands clasp yours and he pulls you into him, his forehead pressed against yours. ‘’I love you Y/n, I can’t be without you.’’

You chuckle through the tears and close your eyes, you wanted him to say that over and over again. The holes in your heart quickly patched up until they were now fully closed.

‘’Can I kiss you?’’ he asks and you mouth a ‘yes’ while nodding.

He presses his lips on top of yours, as you feel a hot feeling flow through your blood. Your lips were buzzing, finally getting to kiss him again as you were longing for it. He quickly pulls away and says ‘’I was on your street each night, sleeping in my car.’’

‘’You were what?’’ you confusingly ask.

‘’I was visiting you each night, worrying because the light in your room was always out. And so I called you and you answered, my heart eased up a bit but I still didn’t have enough. I wanted to make sure you were okay.’’ he finally opened his eyes, not breaking his gaze.

‘’Eddie…’’ you barely whisper, your voice again at its breaking point.

‘’I know, I know I’m a fucking idiot but I couldn’t just sleep at home in peace.’’ his hand sneaks its way behind your head, gently rubbing it. ‘’And I’m also sorry about Chrissy. She was just struggling and I wanted to help her and I guess in doing so, I used her as a way to shut you down.’’ he sucks in his lip, barely holding onto his tears.

You lift yourself up just enough to sit in his lap. Both of your legs were at the sides of him and you don’t waste time but wrap your arms around his body. His face was pressed against your shirt, ruined with his tears as he grasped onto you, whilst a few more tears escaped his eyes.

‘’You’re my home Y/n.’’ he mutters and you kiss the top of his head.

And in that very moment, all you cared about was Eddie. Having him around you, being in his presence, nothing else mattered. Because he loved you and you loved him.

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