n0tdef - Tumblr blog

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I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every weekend. You're my whole world. I hope the world never ends.

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{Quotes marguaxpoetry on Instagram / Sarah Kay}

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“Please don’t, above all, plant me in your heart. I grow too quick.”

— Rainer Maria Rilke

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Do you know how how much it would’ve meant to me, if i meant something to you?

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Mary Oliver, "When Did It Happen?", Felicity

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right person, wrong time (variations on heartbreak)

@leemartenspoetry on tumblr

vita sackville-west & fegan’s 1924 café in dublin

everything everywhere all at once (2022)

@heavensghost on tumblr

i had to get out by indigo de souza

‘calling a wolf a wolf' by kaveh akbar

river by joni mitchell

‘english song’ in a little larger than the entire universe: selected poems by fernando pessoa

slumber by ron hicks

fish in exile by vi khi nao

penitent magdalene by antonio ciseri

@ojibwa on tumblr

this is what the drugs are for by gracie abrams & the awakening by angelo morbelli

as good as it gets by fizz

lonely this christmas by mud & picture of the christmas tree at trinity college dublin, taken by me in december of 2022

this is what the drugs are for by gracie abrams & picture by andrew collins via globalnews.ca

@inanotherunivrs on tumblr & a polaroid of me taken by my ex-boyfriend

‘in a dream you saw a way to survive’ by clementine von radics & a picture of my ex-boyfriend's window, taken by me

bluets by maggie nelson & the poolbeg generating station, dublin

‘unrequited’ by sasha m george & inheritance by matthew w. cornell

[unknown]

@ faraway on instagram & lavender sprigs farm cut by linda jacobus

the museum of heartbreak by meg leder

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‘seaside improvisation’ by richard siken

@ dracarysgang on twitter

@-love-letters-i-never-sent

@fromdarzaitoleeza on tumblr

explosions by ellie goulding

‘i had a dream about you’ by richard siken

the beatrice letters by lemony snicket

la la land (2016)

‘catalog of unabashed gratitude’ by ross gay

@stuckinapril on tumblr

@deathlywounded on tumblr

some are always hungry by jihyun yun

‘speaking practice’ by franny choi

 a self-portrait in letters by anna sexton & a picture of my ex-boyfriend in a lake in Orfű, Hungary

@sunsbleeding on tumblr

‘there is no absolution for the fallen, only the dying’ by p.d

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So, I’ve just read the new chapter of this fic that I love and I’ve been bawling my eyes out. The non-linear process of healing and learning how to accept love even if you don’t feel deserving of it hits so close to home.

7th poem is from @halfof-mysoul !

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I have come to discover that the most efficient way for me to get housework done is to allow myself to just do task grazing. I start one thing and once I've got the ball rolling, I may notice another task I could do while doing the first task, and just let myself wander around the house, bumping into something I could fix, fixing it up, and heading back off to a random direction, like a roomba with hands. I didn't plan to do housework today, but I decided to bake a cake.

There was no real need for a cake, but I allowed myself to bake one nonetheless. Getting started on the batter, the butter I was melting in the microwave popped over slightly, so I neded up washing the microwave plate and dome. Looking for cinnamon, I re-arranged the spices into a slightly more logical order. Turning the oven on, I noticed that the dirty oven tray inside - that we had left in there to cool since there's no way to wash it while it's hot - was still there, so I figured I'd wash it, too.

So while the cake was in the oven, I ended up washing the dishes from the sink, and discovered that there's no way to fit the oven tray in there with them. So it's best to wash the oven tray in the shower. Scrubbing the tray in the bathroom and rinsing it off with the showerhead, I noticed the burnt gunk collecting on the floor. Getting a cleaning rag and wiping the gunk off, I noticed the dust in the corners of the bathroom floors, and figured I might as well wipe those through.

Had I sent out with the intention to spend today cleaning, and made it my task to clean the whole kitchen and to mop the bathroom floor, I would've never managed to actually get up and go do it. I would've spent the whole day frozen in place, beating myself up about not getting up and getting anything done, and wasting the entire day achieving nothing and still being exhausted by the ordeal of spending the whole day fighting myself.

But instead, I let myself bake a cake.

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the world is so cruel and mean, so why should i be? why should i reciprocate feelings that i, oh so, hate? if the world chooses to be evil and mean, then i choose to be happy and enjoy every second i can.

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I think one of the funniest things about life is that there’s always something in your way that you think you’ll never get over, but then you do, and the world didn’t end.

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“Why complicate life? Missing somebody? - Call. Wanna meet up? - Invite. Wanna be understood? - Explain. Have questions? - Ask. Don’t like something? - Say it. Like something? - State it. Want something? Ask for it. Love someone? - Tell it. We just have one life. Keep it simple.”

— Unknown

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I chewed on every foul word he said to me. I chewed and I chewed until it was easy enough to swallow. And then I threw it all back up until I was left dry heaving on the bathroom floor at two in the morning.

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do you think people will love me more in death than in life? do you think death will be kinder than all of humanity?

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