nakakalilo

[nakakalilo]

Happy anniversary.

There's always a part of me that hopes that you and I will end up together one day. What I really fear is that part will never go away.

You and I were never meant for each other. I know that you're Mister Perfect, with your handsome face, above-average intelligence and your endless arsenal of charm, while I was just someone who simply blended into the background. Your type was always someone who was drop dead gorgeous, someone who was beautiful in an obvious way, and I simply am not those things. I knew that while we were close friends, that was probably all we'll ever be. But somewhere along the way, sometime in between my last heartbreak and the time that you were there for me through it all, I fooled myself into thinking that we could happen. Into thinking that you'd fall for someone as mediocre as me.

You led me to think that what I was thinking was true. Last year, I mean. Conversations that lasted 'til 3AM, incessant flirting both online and offline, and a million of little things that you did. I'm wasn't sure whether I was misreading the signs you were giving me, so I pretended to be completely platonic with you. It wasn't until a month ago, when you confessed to me that we almost happened. You almost made a move. You never told me why you didn't go through with it, but in my head, it's because I'm not pretty or thin or smart enough, and that's probably true anyway. It's just so weird.. my self-esteem should be boosted since I got a guy like you to like a girl like me, but I felt as beaten down as I could possibly be.

And now I don't know where I'm going with this. It just struck me that this time last year, I was falling in love with you. Everything was so different, we were seniors in high school with not a care in the world, and now we're about to open a new chapter in our lives- together. It's funny how fate put us together in the same university again, when I tried so hard to choose another uni just to get away from you, it pulls me right back to your side.

I'm glad to say that I'm completely over you now. Wait, can you be over someone you never dated? Anyway, I am. It doesn't hurt whenever I see you with your girlfriend, or whenever you tell me about the girls you like anymore. I found a way to be happy for you, as I am happy for myself as well.

But still, the question remains...

What if?

[nakakalilo]

SINO BA TONG MAGANDA NA TO?

Jusko, heto nanaman ako. Maguumpisa nanaman ako ng blog tapos hindi ko nanaman tatapusin, iiwan ko nanaman sa ere. (parang ginawa mo sakin) Kaya ngayon palang sinasabi ko nang malamang ay hindi ko nanaman ‘to paninindigan, pero at least nagtry diba?

  Anyway, ako si Lilo. Oo, as in Lilo and Stitch. Hindi yan ang totoo kong pangalan, pero ‘yan lang yung hindi totoo sa blog ko, kasi hindi naman ako marunong manloko, marunong lang magpaloko. Awtsu. Wag niyo na ding tanungin kung anong tunay kong pangalan o humingi ng picture kasi di ko din ibibigay kasi pachix ako, okay? Kinse anyos pa lamang ako, at freshman na ako sa isang sikat na unibersidad sa Pilipinas (matatapang, matatalino, walang takot kahit kanino… oh alam niyo na ah?) Ang inaaral ko sa kasalukuyan ay Psychology, ngunit iniisip ko na ding magshift sa Journalism o di kaya eh magEconomics. Basta, magulo. Parang pagibig.

   Ayy, oo nga pala isheshare ko na din na babae po ako ah! Napansin ko kasi na ang mga sikat na manunulat sa Tumblr ay puro lalaki, at kahit mahal na mahal ko sila, (wag po kayo kiligin.) at ang daming oras ko nang nasayang kakabasa ng mga blog nila, (seryoso, tama na. baka mamatay ka sa kilig.) eh gusto ko din namang bigyan ang boses ang kababaihan.

  Boses how? Eh hindi ko din alam e, pasensya na. Siguro pagdating sa love, akala niyo kayo lang mga lalaki ang nafefriendzone? Leche, kami din no! #hugot  Akala niyo kayo lang yung tinatapaktapakan ng mahal niyo? Pwe, wag niyo solohin! There are always two sides to every story, and I’m going to give you one of them.

  Pero hindi naman limited sa pagibig yung isusulat ko. Basically, anything na pumapasok sa utak ng isang teenager- money probzzzz, school probzzzz, terror prof probzzz, nastranded-sa-school-ng-walang-payong probzzzz, overprotective-parents probzzz, pork-barrel probzzzz, sobrang-wala-akong-naintindihan-sa-SONA-ni-PNoy probzzz, lahat ng probzzz, dadaanan natin yan. Stay with me and I’ll give you everything. Charot.

  Waw kung makapagsulat ako kala mo may nagbabasa eh no? :’( Pero kung sakali mang meron nga, if there’s someone out there, salamat. Salamat at nagsayang ka ng approximately 3 and a half minutes sa pagbabasa nito. Sana pagpatuloy mo ang pagsuporta sakin (FEELING ARTISTA) at itatry kong wag kang idisappoint. Hihi.