namedchurch-archive-blog

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

            YOUR NAME IS ALPHA. YOU’RE CHURCH.

ind. LEONARD L. CHURCH, in various incarnations, from red vs blue penned by eri

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

You love him,  you do, and here’s the miracle: he loves you too. You are allowed to lick off the colour from his lips to listen to the hymns in his pulse to bask in the sunlight of his voice You are allowed  to have him. You love each other, you do, and here’s the tragedy: it’s not enough. You are allowed to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out You are not allowed to save him.

you can love him, but you can’t keep him ( j.p. )

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

i once knew a man he thought his heart was big enough for the world with his heart, he tried to lift it and with his arms, he tried to hold it(and lord, did he try.) i once knew a man but like all men, they never think they can die like all men, he never stopped doing what killed him and on his tombstone was written the saddest of words:(he tried.)

you are not Atlas; you cannot shoulder the world alone | m.a.w (via dvoyd)

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

yo.

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

A year ago today I kissed you for the first time, Our backs to your couch and our mouths to each other. That same night you cried about the deep loss of life, How the grief left you A new shade of terrified. I held you as we turned off the lights. I pass that apartment twice a day on my commute to class, I know you moved away but while you lived there Part of you died. I expect to see your ghost In the window smiling down back at me. I’ve been thinking about how we promise Love, the gardens we plant What kind of flora might’ve bloomed? I’ve been thinking about death and how We end up making mausoleums out of bedrooms. I’ve got a mouthful of Septembers That I am trying to swallow whole and Never remember. Pulling sunflowers from my eyes I’ve got an orchard in my throat. Planted in July, withered and wilted by the fall, I’m crushed petals by this autumn Your colors changed right before my eyes. I thought I got it right. I thought we’d make it through this time. I left my love on the Atlantic coast, I would’ve crossed it for you, did you know? I’m speeding past airports to hold you In a dimly lit hardware store parking lot. The whole time singing heartbreak rhetoric, We’re trying to run From graveyards we buried in deeper graveyards, What have you become? And even if you couldn’t kiss me back You should’ve been there when I needed a friend. You cut my air off Asked me why I couldn’t breathe. You cut my wings off And asked me why I couldn’t leave. I used to call you ‘angel’ My god I thought you were holy, I never thought you’d abandon me like this. I USED TO THINK YOUR EYES WERE THE BLUEST THINGS ON THIS EARTH BUT I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT COLORS I USED TO THINK YOUR EYES WERE THE BLUEST FUCKING THINGS ON THIS EARTH BUT I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT COLORS Where were you? I needed you the most Where the hell did you go? Now I feel nothing Now I feel everything Empty and all of it All at the same time. I’m not going to chase you I loved you enough. Keep all my anger, my fury My shouts. You made my skin hot pavement. Keep all of my love songs and poems Out of your god damn mouth. They are not for you anymore, You are the saddest thing that I might write. If you listen closely Inside my dark and empty room. You can hear my brain humming softly The loneliest tune.

​“Elegy For Your Baby Blues” - Nishat Ahmed

I know a lot of my words are starting to sound the same, and let me tell you, its because its all coming from the same pain. Sometime soon I will write clear again.

(via sickwithsyllables)

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

“ in this moment, you are everything. “ ( hi B) )

     IT WAS EASIER when all he had to enjoy were fights that had them both kicking sand. it was easier without this cloying sentiment that gathered in grains & SOLIDIFIED into rocks. this language was different than screams bordered by fangs & hands that sported talons.

     something very rare flickered in his gaze. the acid in his eyes dissolved, the fragile surface of verdant catching the sunlight. it would have been impossible to miss wide eyes, caught without the barriers & walls church had laid out with his own bricks.

     he forced himself to breathe & it steadied his hands.

     lips curved in a loose smile. he remembered how he should SPEAK, the bright levels of sarcasm his tongue should soak in every time he said a word. whatever moment was there was already gone with the wind. 

             ‘   just in this moment, burnie ?                    really feeling the love tonight.   ’

     any thoughts drenched in warmth he refused to resurrect. even this, had to end.

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

∞ .

       ‘ AM I TRANSMITTING ?

      - REGULAR

CONTACT » KIMONTHEBALL

[  SMS.  ] yo kimball[  SMS.  ] have you ever considered basebook?

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

&. MASKDAD

namedchurch​ & cosmother.

█ ▌BANDAGED.

     ❝ i’m assuming you have a plan. ❞

           ‘    IF I HAD A plan, i wouldn’t exactly be here.                  'sides, you know what they say about ASSUMING.   ’ 

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

aquarmored:

       Pft, I’m like Superman: I know when I’m needed.

                                          written by cheren.                                             graphic by hannah.                      

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

∞ x ( B) )

        ‘ AM I TRANSMITTING ?

there’s no limit, no limit, to how deep their claws dig into flesh. sharpened blades fashioned out of knowledge hurt. they break through skin & they tear through too easily – the people who know you best always hurt you the most.

       - ALTERED STATE OF MIND

     HE SHOULDN’T be drinking. he remembered that, but he didn’t know why.

     it was late. he fumbled for the second bottle of whatever-the-fuck, padding through cloth, then falling onto carpet until it clinked awkwardly against cool glass. the bottle felt heavy in his hands, but he lifted it to his lips.

     liquid didn’t flow. the fire he was expected escaped his throat & whatever was inside sloshed against the cap. clumsy fingers stumbled after the bottle opener, diving underneath the folds of what he vaguely understood to be a comforter. he felt the edges of his phone instead & he kept it close to him. he had two hands. the other kept searching.

     this wasn’t like last time. last time, he had gone through the pitch of night, walking several miles-worth of evenly spaced streetlamps & cookie-cutter houses looking for a glimpse of blonde hair & a hastily thrown on sweater that wasn’t hers. last time, he had nearly frozen. it was either the winter winds or the black worry that fogged his mind. his fingertips too numb to register pain as he crawled on his hands and knees. he had nearly dug through banks of snow, half-lucid part of his mind worried she might have disappeared under the snow. he came back home to find her there & she had yelled. her voice was raw. angry. infested with electrified rage that was half-his because nothing belonged to her just as nothing belonged to him, not when they shared the same life. she had jabbed her fingers underneath his collar & pulled him close. their faces nearly touched, like dendrites & axons. he remembered her breath clearly because it tasted oddly of regret & he knew it wasn’t his.

     this was different. he was warm, swaddled underneath the desert heat, mouth dry as bone. he had been drinking like he was drinking water & now, there was no water to e found. it didn’t help – but he was safe, at the very least. confined as he was by four plaster walls & a door he promised to lock.

     he should be working. sleeping. same difference.

     the bottle slipped from his grasp & he waited for the sharp glass-shatter, but it didn’t happen. he released the breathe building up in his lungs. he waited some more. the bed’s balance was upset & it tilted to one side. he followed the motion as everything lurched & maybe he would have fallen on the floor too. he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to tell at that point.

     church focused on trying to breathe through the hazy recollections of coming home, raiding the fridge & closing the door behind him. a click never followed.

     he tried to imagine him choosing this. even as he laid against the warm bed & even warmer sheets, he still tried to imagine iron fences & a loud, clear voice that rattled his mind. he followed the path she had burned through his mind, a channel of dark & light memories that were always charred & fed into the fire. he would think, in his own space, he would be alone. that his thoughts would be the one thing that would remain his, but it’s not.

     how many times had he dreamed of her laying next to him. how many times had her smile felt so perfectly real that he could feel it wash over him every time he drowned himself in oblivion. she had clawed her way from hellfire & strife, standing tall with her back towards him until she turned around just for him. how many times would reality slam against his head then, pounding fiercely in the first morning’s light

     he burrowed deeper underneath the layer of buzzing warmth. whatever he rested on didn’t move for a moment, but eventually something trailed through his hair & pushed away damp strands. 

     he sighed. it wasn’t cold here, even though he wondered if the world was on fire because now it was just too fucking hot, but the blanket was surprisingly thick & cushioned him at the same time it kept him trapped. unable to move, church brought his phone up close, the brilliance of technology’s finest blinding him.

     blinking away the blurry lights, he relied on his muscles to remember her number.

CONTACT» BURNEE

[  SMS.  ] alison i mi ss you

     the phone clattered onto the bed. 

     very slowly, he followed as well, breaths evening & deepening as the pull of sleep became stronger than his will to be aware that the world existed. he didn’t know if he hit anything afterwards.

     - SECRET

CONTACT » BURNEE

[  SMS.  ] I’m sorry.[  SMS.  ] You shouldn’t have seen that.

     » SENT | DELETE

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

grumblygardens:

∞ - For an altered state of mind text. (Drunk, drugged.) # - For an angry text. ♦ - For a rushed text. x - For a secret text. ♥ - For a regular text. * - For an early morning text. XD - For a “I wish you just saw that” text.

✉ Text Messages ✉

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

Don’t say goodbye. I hate goodbyes.

[namedchurch-archive-blog]

bearvalor:

it’s been made very clear that no one would ever pay for my art or any other service i may be able & willing to provide. but my family is getting worse every day. my father got fired from his job because his boss lied about him to get him fired over some small disagreement they had and my mother quit her’s because she has not been paid in who knows how long. but we have dried all of our bank accounts and no one else can afford to help anymore.

i’m begging you for help, not for me, but for my sister who just started first grade. does she not deserve to live in a home that can guarantee her dinner? Please, if you can spare ANYTHING it’d be an enormous help. I’m so sorry to have bothered you with this but I am desperate and no longer know what to do. I feel useless and this is my last resort. Please. If you can spare any bit, send it to our paypal @ livingparadox.cp@gmail.com thank you