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People don’t really understand where I’m coming from. I came from an abusive household, moved and finally had a family to come home to. I lost my step father before I even turned 20 years old, was diagnosed with a mental illness that I have to deal with for the rest of my life, been kicked out of my mother’s place and had a restraining order put on me for being suicidal, I’ve cut off 2 groups of friends within the span of a year and I’ve been suicidal more times than I can count. I give so much love and attention to so many people and they do nothing but complain about me and tell me that everything is my fault without approaching me and telling me to my face. There’s been so many sheltered and privileged people in my life that of course you don’t understand me. You don’t understand what I’ve been through. Don’t tell me I’m an attention seeker. I know I am. Because I didn’t have love growing up and when I did it was taken away from me. Don’t call me an attention seeker because I didn’t know how to balance loving and being loved, or knowing who’s a good friend and who isn’t. Fuck you.

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The brain is an organ. Mental illnesses are illnesses of that organ. Brain scans show that there is a physical difference between a healthy brain and a sick brain. Telling someone “You’re not really sick. It’s all in your head.” is like telling someone with asthma “It’s not real, it’s all in your lungs.” The brain is an organ that can malfunction as much as any other organ.

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don’t make me take back all the love ive given you 

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And to the siren that sang such a sweet song of love, and lured him in, knowing he could not swim, knowing he could not fend for himself, the tailed beast that posed as a mermaid to get him close enough to rip chunks of flesh from his bones, who left him bleeding on the shore, turning the cool blue waters red with his trauma, the once warm sand growing hot with his sorrows. I hope you lose that voice, have it ripped from your throat and destroyed, and have those gills that kept you breathing, kept you afloat, cease to work. 

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How do I politely ask him to push me against a wall and bite my neck and grab my butt and bite my lip and make me moan?

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I think it’s more interesting to see people who don’t feel appropriately. I relate to that, because sometimes I don’t feel anything at all for things I’m supposed to, and other times I feel too much…

Ryan Gosling  (via wordsnquotes)

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I feel like the healing process is the hardest to deal with, the hardest to get through, the hardest to conquer. There’s so much emotion, so many times that you could relapse, so many obstacles and hurdles, so many setbacks that could make you not want to continue improving, or might even push you back beyond what was originally your starting point. Keep pushing.

I realized the reason why I seem so aggressive and so distant at times and how my personality has changed gradually, is because I never had a grand amount of love and gentleness in my life.

I had to lie and steal and bullshit my way through friends and home because no one really cared about me and no one really loved me.

I get attached to people who show me affection and love because I never really had it.

I was beaten, I was verbally abused, I was molested, I wanted to die, even at a young age. I wanted to hurt people, even at a young age.

I say sorry all the time because I’m afraid of abandonment, because I’m afraid of being hit and beaten again, because I’m afraid that people will get tired of me or find someone who’s better than me, which isn’t hard.

All throughout my middle school and high school years I held it in and tried to be someone I wasn’t because I didn’t know how to be myself I didn’t even think I had an identify of my own. Now that I’m in college and I’m almost 20 years old my shell is breaking and the facade is crumbling and all I want is to be loved and give love in return and I’m so terrified and I feel vulnerable and I just want to disappear.

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i am not a second fucking choice

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And here they are:

Thermoception:  Ability to sense heat and cold. Thermoceptors in the brain are used for monitoring internal body temperature.

Proprioception: The sense of where your body parts are located relevant to each other. 

Chronoception: Sense of the passing of time. Your body has an internal clock. 

Equilibrioception:  The sense that allows you to keep your balance and sense body movement in terms of acceleration and directional changes. 

Magentoception:  This is the ability to detect magnetic fields. Unlike most birds, humans do not have a strong magentoception, however, experiments have demonstrated that we do tend to have some sense of magnetic fields. 

Tension Sensors:  These are found in such places as your muscles and allow the brain the ability to monitor muscle tension.

Nociception:  In a word, pain.  This was once thought to simply be the result of overloading other senses, such as “touch”, but it has it’s own unique sensory system.  There are three distinct types of pain receptors: cutaneous (skin), somatic (bones and joints), and visceral (body organs).

SOURCE

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Winter Scenery of Mochou Lake. Nanjing City, China.

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