nanamis-aiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

It really wasn’t a good time for these past few days… Another argument ensued between you two and everything has been quiet none of you were messaging each other.

With a sigh, you prepared yourself for everything to end. You know it’ll hurt. You wish it doesn’t at all but what can you do? You didn’t want to admit it but you check on him the way you’d know how without disturbing him.

“He must be worried.” You tell yourself but it feels hard to accept that. Even if it was true. “I messed up.” That’s what you have at the back of your mind. You sighed again. Tears silently stream down your cheeks.

You can’t hold a grudge over the people you deeply care about but the feeling of injustice is still there so you end up hurting yourself more.

Your phone pinged. You hurried to hold it and clumsily do so. You were thinking of your friends messaging you but to your horror, you saw your boyfriend’s nickname in the notifications. He left a voice message.

“This is it. I guess…” You braced yourself. You played the message.

“Baby? You’re home, right? Hello? Why aren’t you answering?” He slurred. He’s drunk. “Ah shit. Didn’t I press call? Baby? Fuck.” He cursed. There was a few seconds of silence. “I’m sorry… Oh shit.” He chuckled. “I don’t think you wanted to hear that… This is a voice message, right? So you’ll definitely get this.”

Confusion plagued your mind. Your tears pool in your eyes and fall like rivers. “This s it.” You thought.

“I can’t be the person you wanted. Not like the ones you see in books and shows… I wish I could be… But I don’t have powers. I’m not an elf or an angel or a demon…”

You couldn’t keep yourself up.

“But fuck it. I’m gonna love you the way I can. Fuck those- fucking… fucking… Fuck men!” You heard shuffling from the voice message. “No, not me. Not fuck me. Wait. I want you to fuck me. Ah shit…”

You tried not to laugh but you realized something more important. What was he doing when he was saying all this. He’s drunk. Is he outside? You shot up and thought about him sitting somewhere but it’s cold already.

He laughed. “I’m trying to be selfless here… I want to let you go if that makes you happier… But… I don’t really want to… I want you… I love you…”

You stopped from your frenzy of preparing to go out.

“Fuck it. If me wanting you to stay makes me selfish, then I want to keep being selfish. But I promise… I’ll leave you alone if you need me to.”

You started to curse. “You stupid fucking idiot!” You remembered how you always become so excited when you’re watching this in dramas but now you’re in the receiving end, you understand now why the main characters act this way.

“I’m coming to you, Baby. Just wait for me…”

“Fuck waiting! I’m going!” You screamed as if he’d hear you. You wanted to punch him so much but most of all you wanted to jump into his arms.

You frantically looked around and saw him sitting on a park bench. You ran to him. “Baby! Are you okay?!”

He groaned. “I have a wife.” He lifted his head and looked at you. “Oh. That’s you.” He smiled.

Your cheeks heated up. You smacked his shoulder. “Why did you come here drunk?! This is far from your place!”

“I hate my place… I wanna be with you…” He sincerely said. “I can’t think straight without you…”

You dropped your shoulders. You helped him up and walked back to your house.

“I realized… I needed you just as much as you needed me. Actually, I need you more than I want to admit.”

You listened to him. You remembered all the arguments and can only think that you caused everything. You can’t help but feel like you’re only a burden to him. That you’ll always let him down. You wanted to say that but you’re scared. You think that these problems happen because of those. You brushed the thought off and opened the door to your house.

“Please, don’t be quiet…”

“Huh?”

“I know what you look like when you want to say something.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay…”

“It’s not. Please talk to me…”

“I’ll be fine… It’s okay.”

“Baby, please.” He kneeled and held onto you. “Talk to me… Don’t push me away…” He cried. You hugged him and he reciprocated by squeezing you in his arms. “I don’t want to lose you ever… Not even to you…”

You laughed. “That’s too mean…”

You helped him to the couch. You wanted to get a few more things for him but he held you there. No intention of letting go.

“I’m scared. Please stay…”

“I’m not gonna leave…”

“Still… Stay…”

“Okay.” You brushed his hair and kissed his head. “I love you.”

“I love you too…”

— OIKAWA, Atsumu, Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Terushima

© 2022 Alfi. Do not repost any of my work.

[nanamis-aiko]

tw/cw. cigarette smoking, suggestive, fluff, comfort

disclaimer. details may be omitted to fit the character.

He puffed out smoke from his lips. I waved my hand in it as if I was playing with water. His arms and legs wrapped around me even more. He pressed his lips on my neck then bit down. I whimpered and melted onto his body.

“You okay, little kitten?” He whispered into my ear.

“What do you mean?” I whispered back and looked at him.

“Just checking, baby. You know I worry.” He said before smoking his cigarette. I let my fingers dance within the smoke he puffed out. He put out his cigarette and pulled me closer to him.

I giggled. “Babe, I’m not going anywhere.”

He turned me to him. “Pinky promise?”

I grinned. I kissed the centre of his chest. “Ab imo pectore.” I laid my head on his chest. His heart was beating a bit fast. I let my nail trail the side of his torso slowly.

He growled and flipped us so he could be on top. I chuckled. He bit down hard on my shoulder. I moaned and whined. My power, stolen from me. He kissed the most sensitive part of my neck then slowly trailed his warm hand down on my side.

“Stay.” He whispered. He grabbed my jaw and kissed me.

I whined and turned to hug my stuffed toy. He chuckled and spooned me. He kissed my cheek and cuddled with me. He pulled up the blanket to our waists. We were enveloped by silence. He exhaled sending chills over me as his warm breath slithers on my skin.

“I think I’m going to quit smoking.”

“You are?” I turned to face him. He tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Well, I’ll only smoke with my friends but if you’re around I won’t be smoking.”

“You don’t have to do that. I could just move out of the way if you want to.” I nuzzled and buried my face into him.

“That’s what I’m trying to avoid in the first place.” He pulled me closer. His warmth doing a better job to comfort me than anything else in this moment. “I want you by my side or on my lap whenever we’re together.”

“Babe, I’m not going to disappear just because our skins aren’t touching.”

“I’ll kill anyone who touches your skin.” He said with gritted teeth.

“Fine. Fine. Fine.” I chuckled and put my arm over his waist. “I’ll stay by your side all the time when we’re together.”

“Good. Can’t have anyone getting what’s mine.”

“No one is gonna steal me, dork.” I grunted.

“It’s just a precaution, baby.” He kissed my forehead.

“But if you get caught, I’ll get sad. Jail visits are difficult.” I pouted.

He smiled. “Then I’ll just stop smoking around you. See? Easy solution.”

“No more dancing smoke?”

“I can’t risk your lungs, baby. I’d rather just let you stay more in the bathtub or pool.” He kissed my forehead one more time then started stroking my ear with his thumb.

I can feel my eyelids getting heavy. “But you’ll suffer from withdrawals.”

“You don’t need to worry about that I have something more addicting than cigarettes.”

“What?” I put my leg in between his legs.

“You.”

I chuckled. “Liar.” I slurred.

“I’m not.” I heard him chuckle. Him stroking my ear was making me sleepy as it always did.

I purred. “Sleepy.”

He chuckled again. “Dummy.” He cooed. “Just go to sleep. You don’t need to complain.” He continued stroking my ear.

I closed my tired eyes. “Stay.” I slurred.

There was a moment of silence. I shifted to squeeze myself even more into his body. I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I didn’t have the energy to open my eyes. I could smell him and his scent was relaxing.

“You’re always so scared despite your headstrong personality.” He started. I didn’t have the strength to speak again so I kept quiet. “You’re so kind even to those who fucking goddamn broke you.” I felt him go tense with anger as he remembers the story of my past relationships. I groaned and nuzzled his chest to calm him down. He calmed down and breathe out.

“I know you don’t see it as much,” he whispered, “but I’m terrified at the thought of losing you. I think I get anxiety just from being an inch away from you.” He chuckled to himself.

He sighed. “You always envy me for being cool and borderline psychotic.” He chuckled out of disbelief. “How can you not see how adorable and amazing you are to me fuck…” He asked in frustration. “I never met anyone who would say anything about everything like you. Hell, English is my first language and you have more words stored in your vocabulary than I do.”

“You always ask about what I want thinking that it’s something you could give but what you don’t know is what I want is something I have to earn from you. Your love, your trust. I know you could give it to me like it was nothing but I know how hard it is for you.” He kissed my head. “I want you by my side. I want you to keep bragging about me to my own friends. I want you to see you pick up sticks, seashells and whatever for your various hobbies. I want to see you telling me that every baby you see makes you have baby fever.” I could hear him sobbing. I felt him bury his face into my hair. “Fuck, I don’t even like kids but I want you to have mine.”

“I was so lonely before you. I got lonelier when I knew I couldn’t see you and feel you then. Now that you’re here, I have no plans of letting you go.” He put his hand on the back of my head. “You’re my cigarette.” He concluded. “I think that’s how you will say it.” He comically muttered it to himself. “I want you to be my last. I hope you want that too.” He finished.

I groaned, shivered and squeezed myself into him more to prevent him from getting into a bad mood. “Cold.” I complained.

He sniffled. “Oh, sorry, baby.” He pulled the blanket to my shoulders and did as much as he could to keep me warm with his warmth. “I love you.” He finally relaxed. We both got to sleep.

© 2021 Alfi. Do not replicate.

[nanamis-aiko]

[sniff] (in a hoarse voice) Hey… Hi��� Uhm… [tongue click] Fuck… Uhm… Hi… [chuckle] It’s-It’s been a while now, right?

Right, this is a voice message who am I fucking kidding.

Hey, I uh… I uh… [deep sigh] I’m not drunk I swear. [nervous chuckle] Just uh… Just drinking… A bottle… One bottle, I swear. [Sniff]

[silence]

Ah. Fucking shit… Hey, listen… I know I fucked up… I knew you were– I knew you were trying– Agh. Fucking shit. [sniff] I’m sorry. I know it’s something you don’t want to hear… But it’s all I can say…

What? It’s only been months? Years? [broken laugh] Well, it felt like a fucking eternity for me.

Why did I fucking let go?… [Sniff]

I… I’ve been scrolling through your socials. You got me worried. Are you okay?

No. Who am I kidding?

Listen, I know… that I hurt you real bad… and that’s on me… I said things… did things… that were far from what I said my intentions were.

We both know we were broken and you were trying to fix yourself… But I wasn’t…

And I- [voice break] I… I broke you even more because of that. I… I dragged you back down and hurt you… [cries]

I swear… [sniff] I didn’t- I knew I could be an ass to everyone but I didn’t want to be an ass to you… Especially you, I swear…

Ever since you stopped messaging me I realized how I fucked up big time. I tried to ignore it but I can’t help but think about you when I’m alone.

Your messages, your voice, your pictures… [laughs] I deleted them but they’re still stuck on my mind.

[silence]

I… Should have said something…

I should have said I love you too because I do. I just found that out a little too late I guess. It was an ass of me to expect you to know that when I didn’t do anything concrete to show it.

[silence, chuckles] Is it bad to wish that you’d pick up the phone, right now? Tell me to fuck off. [chuckle] I’d take it. If it meant hearing your voice one more time. But once I hear your voice I just know that I’ll try to take you back. [sniff, chuckle] Can’t let anyone have what I want.

Ah, fuck. That was a shitty thing to say too. [laughs]

Listen, I was stupid. I gave you things to expect and didn’t follow through with it. I really really want to start over… If you would let me.

© 2023 Alfi. Do not replicate

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

[nanamis-aiko]

Moved to @his-saiko

I know I've been gone for a while.

It has not been a good time. Or should I say it has been the worst of times.

I don't mean to cause alarm. I'll be back. It'll just be after an indefinite amount of time. Might be sooner. Might be later.

[nanamis-aiko]

I know I've been gone for a while.

It has not been a good time. Or should I say it has been the worst of times.

I don't mean to cause alarm. I'll be back. It'll just be after an indefinite amount of time. Might be sooner. Might be later.

[nanamis-aiko]

F: She's not an Archi student. She's one of us.

Me: Hey, just because I have a a dirty mind and talk like you guys doesn't make me an Mech Eng. But I'll take that as a compliment.

[nanamis-aiko]

Am I actually confused or is it just truama?

[nanamis-aiko]

Clingy men >>>>

[nanamis-aiko]

"What you lacked in your childhood is what you look for in relationships."

Money.