nascent-venus - Tumblr blog

[nascent-venus]

I think I want to try subbing. The new topping book mentions dominants "training" under more experienced doms, and while I 1) find that indescribably hot, I also think it would 2) fix me.

A large part of what's wrong with me is a deep inability to be vulnerable in sex and romance. I see any surrender of power as carte blanche for abuse; if someone fucks me once, or even kisses me, that's it- I have voided all ability to object or protest. I'm fuckmeat to them and fuckmeat forever, an object.

Obviously, I know that's not true in the real world, but my introduction to sexuality was essentially the kiddified version of that. I think associating any form of bottoming- penetration, impact play, even just being eaten out or touched- that's being Fuckmeat. And I don't want to be fuckmeat.

Working in a mentorship context would be deeply therapeutic for me, because I would have to be fuckmeat with boundaries, fuckmeat with rules, fuckmeat, learning. I feel like this will likely always be something I'm interested in, and therefore, something I can be rehabilitated into. And it opens doors, for me to like things. Usually I don't like being touched because I'm being made fuckmeat without prior agreement, and I don't know what's going to happen, and I have to perform (or feel I have to) and will be physically harmed if I don't. If I'm fuckmeat with rules and boundaries and a lesson plan, I can anticipate what will happen.

I think I need a system of robust aftercare after sex or play, even if I stop, whatever role I'm in. I'm embarrassing. I need someone to pat me on the head and coddle me and tell me good job, ESPECIALLY if i did something I'd consider disappointing.

[nascent-venus]

So, I'm reading the new topping book and in the process, getting read to FILTH.

I think it is important to my health that I acknowledge such sexual play, and the fantasies I have around it, and how they have existed in various forms roughly since puberty. I learned, perhaps too early, about pegging; it became one of my earliest sexual fantasies. The appeal was in the reversal of power, in being able to escape my role as the penetrated partner, and experience the power and control of being the penetrator.

The section on early fantasies has been interesting to me. I showed little interest in these dynamics in my early life, although I did have a bent toward "weak" boys- those who were sweet, or stupid, or delicate- who couldn't overpower me. This stems at least in part from trauma; when I was young, my foundational assault involved being physically pinned.

However, what this section has made clear, is that a lot of the recent motifs of my creative works and daydreams are very much connected to dominance. One such fascination is with drinking- not alcohol, but the simple act of drinking from an open cup, held by someone else. It is perhaps one of the simplest expressions of a dynamic I find appealing.

[nascent-venus]

deadass dont get eding if your gonna cum is that not just it for u?

[nascent-venus]

Came so hard my vision went blurry for a solid minute. Am I like.... ok???

[nascent-venus]

Rough sex but not like normal just stick it in there and do joystick shit with it

[nascent-venus]

Thinking about body worship as a form of domination. A domme wanting to make sure their sub knows who they belong to, so they kiss, suck, and bite all over their sub's body, marking them over and over. The sub begging, crying, pleading for more every time their domme's lips leave their body. The domme acquiescing to their sub's demands because they love them oh so very much, with gentle reminders that this is their branding, and that each bite mark and bruise is to show the sub that they're their domme's property, their pet, their toy, to use and love whenever they want.

[nascent-venus]

Today at the dentist the hygienist accidentally smushed her tits against my head and I genuinely think I have a new fetish

[nascent-venus]

was planning my next tummy tattoos and got a little obsessed with myself

[nascent-venus]

kaiji remains the realest fucking manga on the planet

[nascent-venus]

[nascent-venus]

Did self with dildo today. 4.5" circumference, 7" length, took about 5.5. Treated it like a plug- I don't have the wrist integrity for movement, and I like to just peacefully feel full and stuck like that. Used external vibe simultaneously. It was hard to get in at first, and it left me numb from the stretch, which I like.

[nascent-venus]

want to suck pussy like one of those baby lambs drinking milk from the bottles

[nascent-venus]

want to suck pussy like one of those baby lambs drinking milk from the bottles

[nascent-venus]

I have an oral fixation. I chew gum, straws, pen caps, the plastic lids of coffee cups. It's a miracle I don't smoke. But I also love the feeling of things in my mouth; to explore with my lips and tongue. And this extends to oral- I've always loved dicks in my mouth. The first sexual experience I shared was a blowjob. But, as I found out more recently, eating pussy is also FANTASTIC. I love all the different tastes and textures. I love to suck the labia into my mouth and poke my tongue in-between to find the clit. Thinking about it makes my mouth water.

[nascent-venus]

I want to have sex with my childhood friend. But not because I'm attracted to them. I just trust them. I want to have sex with someone I'm not scared of, who will understand if I get triggered, who can put up with my fantasies and whims. I think fear and trauma have been huge parts of every sexual experience I've had, and I would like to have one outside of that, but I can't think of where else to start than people I'm close to. I want to play pretend at it more than anything, to practice in an environment where I know I'm safe, like a kid "cooking" with an ez bake oven. How am I supposed to do that with a stranger?

[nascent-venus]

What's it called when you fuck someone between the thighs, with your dick between their labia minora, so it's rubbing their pussy and clit? That's hot.