nathanarmageddon

[nathanarmageddon]

it's insane I can just steal entire conversations and put them on my page what even is this app

[nathanarmageddon]

JACKSON AND JEM ARE MY FAVOURITE SADOMASOCHISTS!!!

Just genuinely went to search up my ocs on ao3 as if it was an actual fandom I fucking hate life god is so cruel and unjust and he wants me to fucking kill myself

[nathanarmageddon]

I miss my wife so bad

[nathanarmageddon]

In 2023 I kept a desk mirror in my bag because I'm obsessed with my own face until one day I pulled it out and smashed it in the library since then I've been cursed for seven years and it shows

[nathanarmageddon]

evil

[nathanarmageddon]

SUFFERING

All the time SUFFERING

[nathanarmageddon]

I got nominated for an award at uni but I don't think I'm gonna actually win shit because I fell off near the end. Man I'm so tired and I have to travel to even get to the damn place. I just can't do it.. my flat is going to smell like mouldy soup. The mattress cover on my bed will pop off. I'm in pain and I have to get there for four pm. That's 16:00. smoke more weed I feel like that would sort half these problems

[nathanarmageddon]

The good news is I may be enjoying life again the bad news is I'm becoming too sleep deprived to function but never enough to actually FUCKIG sleep

[nathanarmageddon]

I've slept for like six hours as a WHOLE in the last FIVE DAYS

[nathanarmageddon]

I'm at the gay bar

[nathanarmageddon]

Haven't ponyposted in week feel like shit

I just stopped enjoying like doing anything ever

Mamasita needs a vacation its not depression it's stress and also I forget to take my pill and then I give up taking my pill and then I'm like .. oh I'll be fine without it.. no... You stupid bitch...........

[nathanarmageddon]

Bored as fuck and so cold can't my find. Find. My pyjamas butt ass naked .

[nathanarmageddon]

NEED a massage my body is in PAIN

[nathanarmageddon]

You know what I actually hate drinking and that's coming from a former alcoholic. When you drink every bone and muscle in your body begs to lay down but strains to keep dancing. And your eyes fall asleep but your mouth keeps singing to shitty karaoke and you can't get any of the words right. And your feet ache. And your back aches. And the room is spinning every second you try rest until your belly feels sick. And you shake and puke and feel so cold and confused. And you dance between the lines of not being drunk enough to have fun and being too drunk and too sick to have fun and hitting that good spot is like trying to hit a bullseye while blindfolded. And everyone hates you. But they usually want to keep drinking so you keep drinking. And then you're hungover and bedbound for a day.

I prefer the get stoned because the whole world feels like your bed. And every bit of your body blurs into one fuzzy thing. And your brain is so so quiet for the first time in a long time. And the whole world is quiet. And you don't have to dance and sing and talk you can just sit there so quietly and just feel..great. and stare at a stain on the table or the patterns on the carpet and just feel so at peace. And if you feel sick you can just close your eyes and fall until you're comfortable again. Like the whole world wants to hold you and be quiet as you normally are.

I got more sober from alcohol this year because I wanted to and because I had to. Because I didn't like who I was when I was drunk and I was upsetting the people I love the most with my actions. Then everytime I got drunk it was like my whole body reminded me of what I did and who id become and that was enough for me to say id change and stick with it.

I don't really enjoy drinking anymore since getting better. But I still drink every week otherwise I wouldn't really socialise or leave my flat, and I'm worried about missing out - but missing out on what it's the same shit every week? Although on second thought I wouldn't mind that too much because I love my flat and laying in bed and drawing and napping and daydreaming all day. Then I eat dinner and watch a jerma stream. Do some writing and go to sleep. And I don't really talk much anyway. Because I never have the energy. That quiet life sounds so nice. I think I'll stop drinking every week. I think I'll stay home next week. I don't think I'll mind.

I'll have a cigarette by the common room and do some coding. I'll have a late night dinner and an early nights sleep. I'll smoke some pot and listen to music. I'll speak more with my internet friends for once if I get lonely. Because I love the people I've met on the internet. I'll be fine

[nathanarmageddon]

Triple vodka coke Four apple shots One Jagerbomb and One. double vodka lemonade

[nathanarmageddon]

Bored at the gay bar Getting drunk isn't even fun since I stopped being an alcoholic this year man I just wanna get a pizza and go to bed

[nathanarmageddon]

do you think he's been flicking his bean