nburkhardt
nburkhardt
Paint it Bright & Paint it Clear
85K posts
- antoinette | 30 | she/her - there's a little bit of everything around here.
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nburkhardt · 4 days ago
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Yet another reason never to believe any info about the mcu until it happens or there is physical evidence of it.
“They’re gonna be in the movie!” AKA it’s an old clip or just a picture.
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nburkhardt · 9 days ago
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if i could figure out how people interact and sewing machines work i would be unstoppable
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nburkhardt · 9 days ago
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you know what i love? when im reading a fic and it is clearly so self indulgent for the writer. like honey these plot threads barely make sense but you are having so much fun and i am just along for the ride
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nburkhardt · 11 days ago
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obsessed with the idea of eddie never learning how to properly cook because his parents made fun of him for it when he was younger, laughing it off as being “too feminine” and that he’ll have a “nice wife” to cook for him later in life
and that same eddie in the future having an over 6 foot tall hunk of a man cooking for him on the regular
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nburkhardt · 13 days ago
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Now: which team is going to get the same treatment that guardians did in Endgame? (Idk how true, we don’t believe in any sources until the movie comes out 😤)
Will it be The New Avengers or Team Loki OR Fantastic Four???
My bet: Fantastic Four
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nburkhardt · 13 days ago
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I can’t remember if I messaged again because last night I was in a fugue state but yes! I meant the one where Joyce didn’t like Steve and told him to not come around the kids because it was creepy 🙃😭
You did send a message and i remember now after rereading it 😅
I did plan on writing at least a part two but with how life has been, I haven’t been able to write it. So I’m sorry but I don’t know if I’ll be getting out part two anytime soon. I’ll try my best to work on it
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nburkhardt · 13 days ago
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Happy Birthday Toni!!!! 🎂🥳🎉
Thanks Jess!!!! 🥰🥰🥰
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nburkhardt · 14 days ago
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Did….did that fix with Joyce telling Steve to leave ever get continued? 🥺 I’ve never seen one like that and it’s consumed me.
Are we talking about the bury my head in the sand fic?? I’ll be completely honest rn my edible is starting to hit me and I’m mixing all my fics together since I tend to flip between Joyce loving Steve & hating him allll the time 🙈
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nburkhardt · 15 days ago
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Love is…..
An angst feast 🥳
The idea of someone loving every bit of you is a dream, the feelings you get from someone’s smile aimed at you makes you fearless. Seeing their happiness, it can make your heart melt and you‘re happy just because they’re happy.
Love is something so powerful, so beautiful, so strong.
It’s something not to play with.
1984
“This is bullshit! You’re bullshit!” Nancy’s voice is slurred, she’s swaying slightly and her face is red. Eyes not focusing properly, drunk and angry.
Steve freezes, arm raised up to clean her shirt. “What?”
“Bullshit” Nancy repeats herself and sways again, dangerously close to falling. She’s not even looking at him now, just staring ahead with unfocused eyes and anger coming off her in waves.
He doesn’t know what to do, he’s frozen in his spot. The silence of the room with muffled music coming from the rest of the house is suddenly too quiet, he looks at her in disbelief. Unsure how to take this, hurt and confused. She mumbles about Barb, mumbles something with his name again and repeats bullshit over and over.
His original plan was gone, spilled out of a cup with juice and alcohol. Being a normal teenager isn’t a possibility now, his ears are buzzing and he feels numb. The words repeat in his head, it’s the only thing he can hear as he rushes out of the bathroom and then the house. It takes too long, too many people are around.
He needs out of this house, needs to be alone.
He doesn’t bother with his car, just walks home. The cold air hitting him, he uses that as an excuse to let the tears fall. It shouldn’t hurt, she was drunk and he did play a part in Barb’s death. He knows this, it keeps him up at night, it’s why his pool is drained and covered. Calling their love, his love bullshit? It hurts even though she was just drunk.
There’s a whisper in his ear, sounding too much like his mom: “drunk words are sober thoughts”
Getting to his empty house, doesn’t help his already overwhelmed head. He doesn’t bother with lights or kicking off his shoes, just go straight to his room and curls into a ball on his bed. Letting the breakdown he held back, work its way out. He’s finally alone, he can break. He falls asleep with tears falling, a heart breaking while curled in a ball.
Nancy thinks it nothing, that they’re okay.
He asks her to say “I love you” and she doesn’t, looks like she physically can’t say those words. And that’s it. No more relationship.
Maybe it wasn’t supposed to last, maybe they weren’t good together. Maybe if Barb hadn’t died or the upside down wasn’t around, they could’ve made it further.
All Steve knows is, he was in love with her. Maybe even still is in love with her. Love everything about her, from how smart she is down to her pretty blue eyes. He was ready to stop the world for her. Now he knows she didn’t feel the same, he wants to believe she did at one point. Just, not anymore.
The rest of his senior year is spent with his head down, alone and staying far away from Nancy Wheeler.
1986
Making it to nineteen years old is a miracle.
Spending his last few birthdays alone is embarrassing, but no one knows it and at this point he wants to keep it that way. It’s only been two years, but he’s realized how much it hurts to let people in only for them to break his heart.
Whether it be romantic or platonic love.
After the Russian drugs and actual torture together, he and Robin are closer than ever. Even if she didn’t mean to, she solidified his opinion on himself and relationships. That they aren’t for him. The people he’s fallen for just keep breaking his heart and his heart has so much love to give.
Maybe too much love.
He spends the first two months of the new year having quick fun dates to get laid and that’s it. Even with his heart screaming at him to find someone to love, he can’t bring himself to let anyone in.
He’s not completely happy, but he’s okay. At least, that’s what he’s telling himself.
March rolls around, the start of the month is easy. No upside down surprises and only the kids asking for rides a few times. Then spring break rolls around suddenly things aren’t okay anymore.
One second he’s watching the news about a murder then the next time he blinks, he’s being pinned to the wall of a boat house. He’ll be honest, the whole trip to the upside down he blacked out. Defeating Vecna and making it back top side is too blurry, happened too fast.
Everyone is alive, they all made it out.
He doesn’t know how but they are and he’s so goddamn thankful for it. Didn’t want to lose anyone else, even Eddie Munson who he didn’t even care about not even a full week ago.
But he has a bleeding heart, a need to love more and having one more friend is fair game. Even if that friend only tolerates him and probably doesn’t consider him a friend and that’s okay, he knows the rules now.
He can put his everything into friendships and doesn’t expect the same in return. He’s not greedy, he’ll take what he can get.
Apparently his heart on the other hand, doesn’t know the rules. Because four months later, it hits him.
It’s like a punch to the gut, the realization. One second it wasn’t there and the next he’s frozen with his heart beating out of his chest. He can’t breathe, his mind racing with all the thoughts of this realization.
It races as he tries to think, how did he miss this? How did he not know? How did he fall in love again? He wasn’t trying to, he was fine.
Things were fine.
His friendship with Eddie Munson was enough. He was happy with the hang outs, trading joints, eating pizza and poking fun at the kids. He knows on his part that they’re friends, knows that he’s not even in Eddie’s close circle of friends.
They’re just trauma-bonded friends.
It wasn’t never said out loud, but it was there. He knows that.
Yet.
Yet, here he is. Sitting on the floor of Eddie’s room, swapping stories and enjoying a few joints together. Listening to Eddie laugh about something Jeff did during their last band practice, and it’s then. That’s it.
The sound of Eddie’s happiness.
That’s the realization and he can’t breathe.
“Man, I’m telling you that guy is amazing” Eddie huffs another laugh, a smile spreading on his face then a shake of his head, “if he was single, I’d so grabbed him up. He’d be everything”
Steve’s ears are burning, his heart is breaking and he only just realized his own feelings and they’re already breaking.
Swallowing down the heartbreak, he huffs out a laugh and goes, “yeah? Jeff- uh, Jeff’s the one for you?”
“Well yeah, he’s been my best friend forever! He’s hot, smart and likes metal? The whole package that one” Eddie’s smiling and looking up at his ceiling, “He was the first person I told that i like men, then it was this giant crying feast. It was so nice to finally have a person, someone who understood me, ya know?”
It’s slow but he nods, his heart beating out of his chest, something in the back of his head is screaming at him to leave. “Yeah- yeah, that’s amazing!”
It sounds fake to his own ears, but it seems Eddie’s just high enough to not notice a difference. It’s quiet now, the only sounds coming from outside.
Eddie’s smiling and smoking his joint, content and happy.
Forcing a smile, he continues sitting in the silence with his heart breaking and his brain screaming at him to run away, get far enough away to lock the his heart away.
To break down in peace, alone.
Eventually the high really hits and he falls asleep to the sound of Eddie humming and laughing, it’s lovely, it’s his favorite sound. It’s heartbreaking, it’s the worst thing to fall asleep to.
It brings dreams of hope. Of Eddie smiling at him, saying he loves him and he wakes up after a dream of Eddie throwing his arms around him and going in for a kiss.
He’s panicking and he’s tearing up. Looking at Eddie, sound asleep on his bed, he forces himself to swallow back a sob before walking out to finally have that breakdown.
Before he can even make it out of the trailer, he freezes as he’s met with Eddie’s Uncle Wayne sitting at the little table nursing a cup of coffee. “Mornin’, leaving this early?”
Clearing his throat, he nods, “yeah, I- uh, gotta get Robin later and she’ll um,” he shakes his head and moves closer and closer to the door, “I’ll see you around”
It’s a lie, he can’t bring himself to come around here anytime soon. This is too much all of a sudden, he’s quick or at least he thought he was quick at wiping his eyes.
Wayne is up and next to him between blinks, his lips in a frown, “Boy, what’s the tears for?”
“It’s nothing, Mr. Munson” he lies, opening the door, “I really need to leave now”
His hand is on the doorknob, Wayne is still staring at him with a confused expression. It’s quiet, it’s late and he needs to leave but he’s frozen in place. It takes him minutes to finally turn the knob before walking out and to his car. With Wayne’s eyes following him.
Once he’s at home, alone in an empty house.
He breaks and cries.
Love is heartbreaking.
———
Oh hi. I broke my own heart and I never actually used the prompt that inspired this whole thing. But I couldn’t figure out how to turn it around 🫠
So that means, a second part with a happy ending will happen 🥳 but for now you get tears, sorry about that.
Permanent tag list: (sorry everyone 🫣) @spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @harvesteee @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @sierra-violet @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog
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nburkhardt · 15 days ago
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GETTING OLDER IS CRAZY CAUSE YOU JUST START THINKING DIFFERENTLY OUT OF NOWHERE
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nburkhardt · 15 days ago
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Bob Reynolds as a reflection of me. THUNDERBOLTS* (2025) dir. Jake Schreier
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nburkhardt · 16 days ago
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I heard the rest of the Doomsday cast got announced and I have Many Fears
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nburkhardt · 16 days ago
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it was about damn time🎧🧴☀️
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nburkhardt · 16 days ago
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love telling people I'm not on social media as if it's not 98% of my waking hours. well I'm not on social media in a way that you'd recognize
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nburkhardt · 16 days ago
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Everyone shut up and look at this carving of a whale from the 1200-600 CE Chumash culture
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nburkhardt · 16 days ago
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buddie hands🤲🏻💕
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nburkhardt · 17 days ago
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About this anonymous author. They post this disgusting shit on ao3 under the buck/tommy tag as well. I think it is someone who wants to add more fuel to the fire, someone who hates the 911 fandom in general, maybe someone who can't get over their disappointment with s8.
Gotcha. Even so, this person seriously needs to grow up. I had many shows that disappoint me, didn’t like a lot of fandoms but never once thought…. “Oh I’ll make EVERYONE uncomfortable, since I’M upset”
oh, waa waa. That’s so childish, that’s so selfish.
If you do not like something, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WATCH. You are the only person in charge of what you see on the internet and in life, just because something is popular does not mean you need to see it.
Just because you are upset does not mean everyone has to be too.
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