ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit - Tumblr blog

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

Some situations in life are like when a cat chases a bear up a tree. Logically, you know that a bear could kill the cat with one blow with no effort at all. But a bear has no concept of how cats work. To a bear, everything that's made out of meat will fight back before becoming prey, once escaping this fate is no longer an option, but nothing that could flee would choose not to, and attack the bear first. As far as a bear is concerned, there is nothing out there that would attack a bear without an absolute confidence that it could kill a bear. If something hits you first, you fucking run.

And cats have no concept of how anything works. As far as a cat is concerned, if there's something in your face that you don't want in your face, you just fucking smack it. And if something starts fleeing from you, you chase it.

Sometimes in life there are situations where there only seems to be one logical outcome, the common sense one that seems foregone conclusion. But it only looks like that because you have a clear and realistic view of the big picture. Then the only logical conclusion doesn't happen, because nobody actually involved in the situation has a realistic understanding of what's going on.

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

has any cryptid ever been bullied harder than goatman. shane and ryan stole his bridge, ruined his reputation, and he didn't even get a shout out on their top 5 beatdown ep devoted to cryptids. lmao

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

THE FRENCH????????????????????

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

ghostbat

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

My favorite “humans are space orcs” idea is that trope where aliens kidnap some humans for their zoo, except it ends up like Jurassic Park. And the poor Alien Humanologists who were invited to the park are like:

“You mean you locked up a pack of curious, highly competitive persistence predators with NO enrichment in the enclosure? You FOOLS! If you had bothered to throw a basketball or half a box of Legos in there, KE-X9 would still be alive!

“Well of course they climbed the retaining wall! Did you think to study their evolutionary lineage AT ALL?”

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

no offense to people named aaron but who the fuck decided two a’s were necessary??? now i can’t converse with someone named aaron without calling them a-aron

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

in recent events of that zoo losing the clouded leopard, it reminded me of the time i went to a large petting zoo and there was a free roaming little black sheep. cutest little guy i ever saw, soi went to the zookeeper nearby and said ‘i think its really cute how you have a sheep thats allowed to just walk around. ‘ then the zookeepers eyes widened and he grabbed his walky talky and ran 

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

I can’t wait until my sense of taste is back. This cup of tea tastes like hot water. :(

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

Text: PSA to anyone with a tree nut allergy who frequents starbucks. We have a new drink called the pistachio cold foam cold brew and our pistachio sauce not only has real pistachio in it, the syrup sticks inside the blender and will 100% not fully wash off with the rinsers we use (its just water). I highly suggest if you want a cold foam drink during Jan-March you request it done in a sanitized blender to lower the chance of having a reaction if you are at risk.

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

i cant wait for the number one and spock friendship. its everything ive ever wanted

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

[ncc1701percentdonewithyourshit]

bones: request for you to not be a bitch

spock: request denied