neastudyingblog-blog

[neastudyingblog-blog]

the only thing i knew about sex at the age of nine was that

1) it was for mommies and daddies who were married;

2) it made me, my five year old sister, and my baby brother.

i learned everything i knew about sex from the internet while secretly browsing grownup sites on my 4th generation ipod touch i earned for doing so well at a piano recital. because of the nature of, you know, men and their internet porn, i learned that my sexual role as a woman was to be slapped and pissed on and tied up. i didn’t know what healthy sex was. i didn’t know it should be mutually consensual, or that it was okay to want sex with girls. i didn’t know that sex should be good for both people. i learned that sex would hurt, and that sex was about men and men only, and that i would be forced into sex whether i liked it or not, and that it was normal to have sex with big, burly, grown men as a teenager. i learned it was normal to cry during sex. i was scared of sex for so many years because of that, and the way i was exposed to sex at a young age led to the inappropriate and traumatic sexual encounters i had (occasionally with older people) later on in my teen years.

the day i got my first period, i was ten-and-a-half. i was swimming in the river with my best friend, and when i got out to go to the bathroom, i noticed brown blood on the inside of my mint-green tankini bottom. i knew what a period was, but i hid it from my mother in shame. she found out, eventually, of course. she told me, you have a woman’s body now, and if you have sex, you could have a baby. all i heard was, you have a woman’s body.

i started shaving my vulva when i was eleven, because i saw memes on memegenerator about how disgusting “hairy pussy” was. i wanted to be sexy. i was eleven years old, and all i wanted was to be sexy. it hurt, and it itched, and it made me uncomfortable, and i’d sometimes nick my labia with the razor, but i did it anyway, because i didn’t want to have a nasty, “hairy pussy.”

eleven was the age i first started getting pinched on the EL. i was an early bloomer: i had B-cup breasts already, and my menstrual cycle was regular enough that i could keep a calendar. i started wearing a full face of makeup to school and buying shorts that rode all the way up my skinny twelve-year-old thighs. i remember the day i stopped jumping off the swings the summer after fifth grade. skinned knees weren’t sexy. smooth, flawless legs were sexy, and i was a sexy girl. i was probably the sexiest little girl in the whole world. my parents hated it. they told me i was too young, but i knew the truth. my body was older, maybe 17 or 18, so my brain must be, too.

when i was twelve, i had a secret kik account that my parents didn’t know about. i used it to message strangers. i made all sorts of friends. i wasn’t stupid. i used a fake name. never showed my face. one of my friends asked me for a bra picture. i was a cool girl, right, i was sexy, so i sent him a picture of me in front of my bedroom mirror in my little white training bra with the blue butterflies.

sexy, he said.

that was all i wanted.

i’m not typing out all this bullshit because i think it’s something special. i’m typing it out because it’s not. i’m typing it out because i see the same thing happening to my little sister. i’m typing it out because i see the same thing happening to that little millie bobbie brown, sexiest actress at thirteen. i’m typing it out because i’m sixteen years old now, a girl in the eyes of the law and a woman in the eyes of men.

mothers, talk to your daughters. tell them to jump off the swingset and skin their knees. tell them to get dirt on their dresses. tell them that they’re a woman on their 18th birthday, not at ten-and-a-half on the first day of their menstrual cycle. the world is confused. the world is sick. if your daughters don’t hear about how to treat their bodies from you, they’ll hear it from the sick, sick world, and they’ll do the things i did.

let girls be girls.

don’t force womanhood on little girls.

[neastudyingblog-blog]

1/100 days of productivity 8/22/18 decided to try the 100 days of productivity challenge again! these are actually some old notes but i plan to revise for SATs today. wish me luck i hope i don’t give up in the middle of the hundred days again!

[neastudyingblog-blog]

Free Study Planner Download

Hey everyone! Due to popular demand on Instagram, I’ve uploaded my simple study planner for your download. You can easily download and import this into GoodNotes/Notability, or print it out. I would love to see how you guys use it so don’t forget to take a picture, post it on Instagram and tag me in it @janicestudies! Happy studying! <3

DOWNLOAD HERE (Google Drive)

[neastudyingblog-blog]

some raw notes, some things and some cat.

[neastudyingblog-blog]

People will inevitably get really angry when you decide to pursue better for yourself. Don’t let them make you second guess yourself or your goals. You are allowed to walk away at any time from any situation that is no longer leading you to the best possible life. You are allowed to want more for yourself. If you settle to appease other people, you will end up going to sleep every night pondering the “what’s ifs” and “should have could have would haves.” You deserve to lay in bed at night and know you are on your best path.

[neastudyingblog-blog]

If you’re European, in a couple of weeks you will be denied any and all access to fandom contents on Tumblr and everywhere else on the internet. Here’s why.

On June, 20th the JURI of European Parliament approved of the articles 11 and 13 of the new Copyright Law. These articles are also known as the “Link Tax” and the “Censorship Machines” articles.

Articles 13 in particular forces every internet platform to filter all the contents we upload online, ending once and for all the fandom culture. Which means you won’t be able to upload any type of fandom works like fan arts, fan fictions, gif sets from your favourite films and series, edits, because it’s all copyrighted material. And you won’t also be able to share, enjoy or download other’s contents, because the use of links will be completely restricted.

But not everything’s lost yet. There’s another round of voting scheduled for the early days of July.

What you can do now to save our internet, is to share these informations with all of your family members and friends, and to ask to your MEP (the members of the European Parliament from your country) to vote NO at the next round, to vote against articles 11 and 13.

Here you can find more news and all the details to contact your MEP:

https://saveyourinternet.eu

Also, sign and share this petition:

https://www.change.org/p/european-parliament-stop-the-censorship-machinery-save-the-internet?recruiter=50668942&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial

We have just a couple of weeks to stop this complete madness, don’t let them dictating the way we enjoy our internet.

#SaveYourInternet now!

[neastudyingblog-blog]

Please Reblog to Save A Life

Last week my brother was in a car accident. He was hit by a drunk driver. He sadly lost his life after a two and a half day fight in critical condition. He was my best friend. We did everything together; we travelled, listened to @taylorswift and had heart to heart talks. I can’t help but to stress how things could have been different.

Before taking the wheel of a car, ensure you are not intoxicated. If you go out to drink, arrange alternate transportation to get home, like an Uber or taxi. This can not only save your life, but also the lives of other innocent people.

Please do not drive while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Reblog this to save a life today!

[neastudyingblog-blog]

via @defineyourgrind

[neastudyingblog-blog]

“Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries, took the bus home, carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment and cooked myself dinner. You and I may have different definitions of a good day. This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill, worked 60 hours between my two jobs, only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks and slept like a rock. Flossed in the morning, locked my door, and remembered to buy eggs. My mother is proud of me. It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course. She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale” with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs” But she is proud. See, she remembers what came before this. The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles, how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks. She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide. These were the bad days. My life was a gift that I wanted to return. My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs. Depression, is a good lover. So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you. And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world, That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting. It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created. Today, I slept in until 10, cleaned every dish I own, fought with the bank, took care of paperwork. You and I might have different definitions of adulthood. I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college, but I don’t speak for others anymore, and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for. And my mother is proud of me. I burned down a house of depression, I painted over murals of greyscale, and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live But today, I want to live. I didn’t salivate over sharp knives, or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge. I just cleaned my bathroom, did the laundry, called my brother. Told him, “it was a good day.””

— Kait Rokowski (A Good Day)

[neastudyingblog-blog]

Amazing!

[neastudyingblog-blog]

It’s currently 6:26 am and I’m just going to bed … Since it’s Ramadan my sleeping schedule is all messed up and I have successfully turned into a night owl

[neastudyingblog-blog]

1000 followers giveaway!

Hello! A few days ago I hit 1000 followers, which I’m very excited about, so I wanted to do a little givaway! 

To win you just gotta reblog and I’ll pick a random person and post the stuff to them via mail so you gotta be able to give me your address. Also, everything in there will be from Norway, and related to Norway, of course. There’s only gonna be one price so here’s what you can win:

Postcards

Norwegian coins

Polaroid picture

Russekort and other 17th of May stuff 

And of course a little note from me in Norwegian

Okay, thats it, lykke til:)

[neastudyingblog-blog]

Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.

[neastudyingblog-blog]

[neastudyingblog-blog]

Licia Ronzulli, member of the European Parliament, has been taking her daughter Vittoria to the Parliament sessions for two years now.

[neastudyingblog-blog]

CEFR test

Hey guys, if you wanna check your language level of English, German, French, Italian, Spanish, Swedish, Norwegian (bokmål), Arabic, Arabic (Syria), Turkish or Danish, here’s the CEFR test! It does take a lot of time (for me it took more than half an hour), but you can test your grammar and vocabulary, reading and listening comprehension so it’s definitely worth it!  read more about the test here

[neastudyingblog-blog]

friends?

lol I’ve been posting a lot of text lately but my dash has been pretty slow so reblog if you’re an active studyblr! especially if you’re a college student (I love all of my younger studyblrs but y'all make me feel so old)

don’t forget to tag me in posts with #heypfyn as well!