needsnurture

[needsnurture]

im so tired of willing him into texting me, ¿why am i not good enough?

[needsnurture]

i keep mourning a life i have never lived

[needsnurture]

i'd rather be skinny and depressed than fat and depressed.

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[needsnurture]

why

I tried to change, so many times. I changed my way of walking, i changed the way i smiled, talked, ate, looked, sat. I changed my hair, my personality, a miracle, an introvert turned extroverted!.

I burnt out.

I changed until I couldn't change anythign else about me. "oh, i know" said young and naive me, "maybe it's my confidence" . I watched hours and hours of ways to change your mind set, dont be a cactus friend, be positive ALWAYS positive, your body is beutiful! they lied, you are beautiful, i believed

then........... why do people sill avoid me . My weight, i havent changed my weight. -5, -10, -15, -20. And i started getting noticed

[needsnurture]

Why am i not taken seriously? why is my eating disorder celebrated instead of treated?? how am i supposed to get better when people tell me i look better now?

why am i treated as succesful for having an ed? Just because im fat? you rather see me dead than seeing me fat?

[needsnurture]

Too slow too slow too slow too slow too slow

WHY AM I LOSING SO SLOWLY

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[needsnurture]

Georges Hobeika | Spring/Summer 2022

[needsnurture]

all my girls with bellies that stick out, youre cute as FUCK your body is beautiful and you deserve high self esteem and love

[needsnurture]

Why am i doing this?

I had a rough childhood ngl. Food became my confort and my weigth went up so so fast. I had to deal with not only the reasons that pushed me towards over eating but also being called fat in no so subtle ways. Soon my comfort became my hell and i was stuck in a place where i hated eating but absolutely needed it to be happy. By the time i was 17 i still had it under control and was only 2 kilos overweigth. But universitiy came and i let myself go, working and studying proved to be too stresful for me and i went back to food. This time around i had no time to excersise and as my weigth went up my self steem went down and the way people treated me changed.

People no longer saw me as an attractive person and soon i was even single. Every day i got to see how fat people are pushed away and how people prefer your skinnier friends over you. I really tried losing weigth normally but i just couldn´t. This is my last try. I want to stop hating my reflection, i want to feel desired, i want to be able to take a picture with out having an anxiety attack.

I WANT TO BE SEEN, TO BE HEARD, TO BE LOVED, HELD, DESIRED.

I just need to see my bones poking through my skin to be beautiful

[needsnurture]

30 DAYS!

Day 1: My starting stats were 90.1 Kilos, but im currently down to 80.1 kilos, i hope even more

[needsnurture]

Elvira Mistress of the Dark trading card (Comic Images 1996)

[needsnurture]

[needsnurture]

Being fat is so hard, why do people treat me so different

[needsnurture]

Getting there

i lost 16 pounds in 2 weeks, but its not fast enough

[needsnurture]

I don't want to be fat anymore

I feel guilty if i eat, but i also feel guilty when i dont. At times i wished food didn't exist. I can never be happy can i? When i was recovering i unconsciously found confort in food, binging became an every day thing and i tricked myself into thinking i was okay. Each time my body gained a size more people got away, I realized people don't see you the same as other if you aren't small. I was always on the outside, being ignored by others, being left behind, because of my weight. And im sure it is because of my weight because when i was skinnier i still had the same personality. Its true that im way more shy now, but it's becaue i know that until i dont lose this extra weight they'll never see behind this layer of fat

The world teaches you that if you want to be noticed as a fat persin you have to be amazing in every sense, otherwise you're another fatty. People wont even try to get to know you

Being fat makes you lonely, you're not worth it if youre fat.