neilljcsten

[neilljcsten]

Every year, the bright Scandinavian summer nights fade without anyone's noticing. One evening in August you have an errand outdoors, and all of a sudden it's pitch-black. It is still summer, but the summer is no longer alive.

Tove Jansson, The Summer Book

[neilljcsten]

Clarice Lispector, from a letter to Tania Kauffman featured in Why This World: A Biography of Clarice Lispector

[neilljcsten]

Reading a Jerejean fic and the tags are “Jeremy Knox Needs A Hug” “Hurt Jeremy Knox” “Self-Worth Issues” “Protective Jean Moreau”

[neilljcsten]

a dreamer, a dream, and declan: that was the brothers lynch

declan lynch web weaving, 5/?

richard siken, turpentine; maggie stiefvater, the raven king; paula vogel, how i learned to drive; maggie stiefvater, the raven king; AroarA, #6; maggie stiefvater, call down the hawk; lucy dacus, dream state…; maggie stiefvater, call down the hawk; ted chiang, story of your life; natalie diaz, a brother named gethsemane; maggie stiefvater, the dream thieves; michael torres, my brother is asking for stamps; the 1975, is there somebody who can watch you?; maggie stiefvater, mister impossible; lady lamb, little brother; maggie stiefvater, the dream thieves; jean anouilh, antigone; valzhyna mort, genesis; maggie stiefvater, mister impossible; the hollies, he ain't heavy, he's my brother

[neilljcsten]

refusal to mourn by Andrea Cohen

[neilljcsten]

i lost you before i got the chance to meet you.

1. hilda doolittle, loss // 2. phoebe bridgers, waiting room // 3. holly warburton // 4. matthew goulish, to grieve // 5. fortessa latifi, the truth about grief // 6. lord huron, in the wind // 7. a. timofeev, spring // 8. @heavensghost on tumblr // 9. phoebe bridgers, smoke signals

[neilljcsten]

But once he is gone who will I have?

tiktok / icarly / unknown / @/mothman / An Oresteia: Agamemnon, Aiskhylos / Bumble Ardy, Maurice Sendak / icarly / A Little Life, Hanya Yaragihara / The Fall Of The House Of Usher, Steven Berkoff / A living Chattel, Anton Chekhov

[neilljcsten]

if i could hate you half as much as i love you, then maybe my heart would be able to beat without breaking

[neilljcsten]

unfortunately if you are an old friend of mine i will always care about you no matter what even if we haven't seen each other in forever because i still remember what you were like 7 years ago and i still remember how it felt to be young with you and i still have a lot of love for you in the back of my mind

[neilljcsten]

what resembles the grave but isn’t by Anne Boyer

[neilljcsten]

[neilljcsten]

humbled by my doctor telling me that the answer to “does this movement hurt” is not supposed to be a confused “isn’t it supposed to?”

anyways

[neilljcsten]

i love finding out what degrees my mutuals have. like what the fuck do you mean you do law? you’re a doctor who blog

[neilljcsten]

andrew warm up

[neilljcsten]

I cannot wait to unearth more kevriko fuckery in Kevin's books. I need to learn how fucked up they both were, both together and alone. How they both haunt each other— Kevin's talents and Riko's horrors, the brotherhood they had but lost, the lingering past rooted in Kevin's each and every move. ‘Owner & pet, brother & brother, partner & partner. They loved each other until they died, and they hated each other from the moment they met.’ It's not a want, it's a need.

[neilljcsten]

kevin day not only are u irish but literally the most catholic guy ever. nobody is doing guilt-ridden like you. nobody is doing fucked up strained relationships where you isolate yourself from anybody who could care about you before they get the chance to decide you’re not worth it like you. nobody is doing biblical daddy issues like you. nobody is doing connections to the dead because fuck, at least they can’t tell you you’re not enough like you. nobody is doing homoeroticism that’s just love wearing a mask of extreme shame and guilt and self-loathing like you. he’s even a drunk like come the fuck on. praying on your knees like it doesn’t even matter you’re getting god’s voicemail. you deserve it, right? right? please..

[neilljcsten]

After they won a match. Andrew hearing those same words again, but this time the ending was happy.