nemercury

[nemercury]

[nemercury]

guys shut the fuck up this is the only thing im gonna talk about for the rest of all time 

(publicly shared video of a sweetheart’s dance from Rodney Stanger on fb)

[nemercury]

what if condoms said cool things on them

[nemercury]

.That Judge Judy Pussy grip insane. You be calling her Judith on the second stroke.

[nemercury]

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

[nemercury]

Tigers with a frozen milk brick on a hot day

[nemercury]

consider: teenagers aren’t apathetic about everything they’re just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about

[nemercury]

Me when being disabled disables me

[nemercury]

[nemercury]

is this orange or yellow.

[nemercury]

[nemercury]

We need more friends that we can have more casual sex with. Not fuck buddies whom you meet just for a hookup, but actual friends you enjoy hanging out with, you can spend time with and go have fun with and have deep conversations with whom you can also makeout with when you're in the mood, who will also fuck your brains out when you're both horny. And you're still friends after having some of the hottest sex of your life.

A casual sex friend group please where we can talk and chill and have fun and fuck each other as well.

[nemercury]

[nemercury]

Reblog, click the picture, and prepare for battle.

[nemercury]

People don't actually grow out of their emo phases. People are forced out of their emo phases by employers who get a raging boner over controlling how their employees dress, cut their hair, whether they mod their bodies and so on

[nemercury]

eating is so much better when you don't got a bitch in your ear pushing unhealthy dieting, weight loss, and health issues

just eat, enjoy food, and live. don't feel guilty for gaining or eating, your body needs it.