neonprayersisarapist

[neonprayersisarapist]

neon prayers (@neonprayers) is an abuser and a rapist.

in march of 2021, i ended my relationship of 4 years with lucas morelli. throughout the duration of this 4 years i experienced relentless emotional abuse, constant manipulation and coercion into countless sexual acts that were nonconsensual. his manipulation was intentional, constantly making me feel like i had nowhere to go, no one else who would love me or take care of me, and these feelings made me more susceptible to accepting the abuse i was facing. i was also incredibly invested in starting to explore my career in music, which he used to his advantage being a music technician. he made me believe that the only way i would be able to create anything was through working with him.

when we began dating i had just turned 18 a month prior, and i was incredibly inexperienced in every aspect of a relationship. he applauded me for my lack of experience and let me know that it was something to be desired, all while getting ready to take advantage of my lack of awareness and coerce me into sexual acts that were far beyond my comfort level.

as the relationship went on he became less and less respectful and moved from coercion into simply taking without asking. multiple times he pushed past me begging him to stop, and another he simply assaulted me as i was sleeping in his arms.

after breaking up with him, i blocked him on all platforms to try to protect my mental health as i healed and processed what i had went through. as time went on i understood that the relationship i had with Lucas Morelli was not normal, and it was in fact the definition of an abusive relationship. i have been silent on social media since this point, due to the overwhelming feeling of being watched and unsafe.

turns out i wasn’t wrong to feel this way, as he has tried to infiltrate LGBTQ+ spaces i had introduced him to, being a lesbian nonbinary person myself. these spaces have welcomed this heterosexual cis man in.

i have tried to bring this to the attention of those in his immediate circle, but he continues to prey on young, feminine people who solely rely on him for music production.

this is not something i take lightly and i wouldn’t be writing this today if it weren’t one of the most physically traumatizing things to happen to me. Lucas Morelli is a rapist and abuser.

Continuation:

it’s frustrating having to further prove my truth to those who don’t believe my experience.

Neon Prayers is not the man he makes himself out to be.

i have proof of Lucas Morelli and his behavior toward me throughout the duration of our relationship.

Lucas Morelli weaponises his emotions against those he is trying to manipulate, as i had witnessed countless times. i had told him twice on separate occasions, “you sound like a rapist” once, and another “your behavior is exactly like a rapist would be acting” both times after denying him sex.

both of these times he had a meltdown, sobbing and crying and gripping my arms while i was in pain.

throughout the years, i had no one i could talk to about this abuse, as he had told me to not “spread our business” amongst any of my friends, as they were connected to his friends as well. he did everything he could to make sure i wouldn’t be able to question his behavior as long as he made me feel like i was forbidden to.

i had attempted to break up with him 3 times.

the first time was earlier in our relationship, in 2018. i was still unaware of how his behavior was abusive, but i was aware that it was making me depressed and feel incredibly used to have been nothing but something for him to have sex with.

in these instances of him coercing me into sexual acts, he would start by trying to get me to have sex with him many different ways. oftentimes i showed disinterest early in the conversation, to which he would immediately become critical of me saying i don’t have sex with him enough. he would continue by pushing the boundary further.

“can you at least just give me head?”

i would refuse.

“can you at least just jerk me off?”

i would refuse.

“can you just take off your shirt and kiss me?”

i would beg him to please let me leave the room, or for him to leave the room himself and go somewhere else.

usually he would stay in the room, and stare at me while jerked himself off until i initiated something to get him to finish. otherwise he would have a complete meltdown for the rest of the day and force me to pick up his pieces.

sooner or later i became less resistant, though i only wished it were over the moment it began.

there were times where he was pushing himself inside me, to which i felt the searing, ripping pain from not having done any foreplay or feeling any arousal. i would cry out in agony for him to stop. one time he just simply refused to pull out of me. instead he looked into my eyes as i cried, horrified of what i was experiencing. it was as if i wasn’t even there, and all he could even think about was finishing.

i remember relapsing into self harm during the period following this instance.

i was able to stand up for myself in small periods when we were broken up or breaking up. unfortunately at this time he still was able to manipulate me into thinking that he could & would change for my health and well-being, but of course he didn’t.

moving into 2020, i was feeling claustrophobic as he had demanded that all of our time be spent with one another. i barely saw friends and i didn’t have much autonomy to just up and go somewhere, because if he wasn’t working i was expected to be available for his entertainment. oftentimes times he would tell me i couldn’t go be with my friends and he would ignore me for the entire night as i sat on his couch in his studio, waiting for him to finish working.

there were times where i had to take shrooms or drop acid for him or with him, just because he insisted it would be something good for me to relax. i didn’t feel comfortable or safe at any point on these drugs with him. he even attempted to have sex with me while i was tripping.

throughout our relationship my constant discomfort he brought me led me to believe that i was not exploring the part of me that thought i could have a loving relationship with a non-man. i had felt this way for a very long time and i made it very clear that i was not interested in only men. as these cases of assault and disrespect increased, my desire to see if there were better experiences out there also increased.

i had a multiple hour long conversation with this man to hear him tell me “it’s okay that you’re gay, i still love you and we can still be together”. he proceeded to ignore this conversation for over a year.

when i brought this conversation back up to him, he became emotionally volatile with me very quickly at the thought of me trying to explore other options. there was so much of me asking him if it would be easier if we just broke up, to which he would always respond with a full blown meltdown where i was left to pick up his pieces. at no point did i feel safe in trying to verbalise what i wanted or needed.

march of 2021, i attempted to break up with Lucas Morelli to explore my sexuality and to finally allow myself the autonomy to live my life.

while i broke up with him, i was becoming sick with stomach issues from stress. so while i attempted to tell him reasons i could no longer be with him, i began to vomit and became incredibly weak. he took this vulnerability as a way for him to sneak back in. he stayed the night and the next morning when i woke up, he told me “i didn’t think you were actually serious”.

as the days went on in march, he promised me i could have freedom as long as i told him exactly what i was doing and planning on doing with other women. every time i gave even a bit of information, he would ask for more, along the lines of “what exactly would you be doing?” and proceeding to sexualise me and my desire to be with a woman. his understanding of me wishing to explore sex with a woman insinuated that he would have an opportunity to have sex with me. he began sexualising me relentlessly, again attempting to break boundaries multiple times.

the last and final straw of his assault was when i was feeling ill and he told me he would run a bath for us, insisting i needed to relax and just be with him. as i sat in the bath with him, i fell asleep on his chest. i was asleep only for a few minutes until i felt hands grabbing my breasts and touching my nipples, clearly trying to arouse some kind of sexual response. i jumped up out of the bath and i asked “why did you do that?!” to which he had no response. i told him i was asleep, and he pretended as if he was unaware.

i broke up with him for the third and final time that night. he refused to leave my house for three whole days, sleeping in my bed and calling out of his job at Powerstation Studios in order to make sure he didn’t leave, because he knew he would never be allowed back again.

i have never received an apology from this man at any point. he claims to have no contact with me, however he’s been unblocked on imessage for well over a year since we had broken up. he had every opportunity to reach out non-publicly but he chose not to.

this is being done out of pure necessity for my safety and mental health. if i had any other ill intentions, if i were genuinely just being malicious, this would’ve been done back in 2021 when we broke up for the final time.

i’ve had to process what has happened to me repeatedly, as it isn’t something that i was even aware was happening as i was going through it. i had no one to talk to and no safe space to go, and now that i have support and safety i can freely understand my experiences and feel safe to voice them.

Lucas Morelli has chosen to ignore everything, refusing to acknowledge what he did and refusing to acknowledge he was even called out in the first place. his spineless behavior proves his guilt and only further raises the question, why wouldn’t he speak up if he was innocent?