neonthebright

[neonthebright]

LADY GAGA. photographed by Warwick Saint.

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Sound on 🐱🐈

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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

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KOBI LEVI Blossom Shoes if you want to support this blog consider donating to: ko-fi.com/fashionrunways

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things ianthe has said that i feel gregory house would also say:

"should we hold hands in girlish solidarity?"

"alas. i have a bad personality and a stupefying deficit of attention."

"why, your fist is so big, and my butthole is so small."

"what can i say, i love a little gall on gall"

"i tried and therefore no one should criticize me"

"[why did you get into this business] ultimate power and posters of my face"

"some people will do anything to get... a head"

"i didn't think this was the time for dirty talk but i can roll with it. choke me daddy"

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Stolen picture from the hiking trip

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It is not a “we” unless Israel does it, then it’s a collateral “they” associated with the wars.

We we we but yall will never care about us. Y’all don’t even actually care about them. It was always related to the fat ego and savior complex but at least now they can truly say “not in our name”.

Like fuck off none of you are in danger atm meanwhile whole building blocks and streets are decimated here. But I guess it’s okay because “we” don’t deserve the grace Americans give themselves.

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[...] the Tomb I will serve till the end of my days 

and then see me buried

in two hundred graves.

ig: d.ill.usion

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Hunter mode ON! :3

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Just a little sketch

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Extremely entry-level no-fun-allowed hater moment incoming but. You, tumblr user, does that post actually "go harder that it has any right to" or are you just easily impressed by flowery prose with vaguely religious tone?

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Rate my new setup

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Nothing wrong with this cat at all. It's just orange 🐱🐱

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my darling my darling my life and my bride

(redraw)