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nervousenemychild · 5 years ago

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hi I'm trying this for the first time ever. posting what I've written online for other people to see.

“James,” she said, entering the kitchen where he was organizing the glassware in cabinets too high for her to reach. She was surprised to find he was adequately following her instructions as to how she preferred them organized. “Please don’t be angry with me when I say this.”

He immediately put down the tea cup in his hand and turned around to face her. “Sure.” He of course was wearing his signature goofy grin.

She shook her head and smiled. “You don’t even know what it is yet.”

“Well, you’re you, so…” He trailed. “What could you have possibly done? Lily Evans, known horrible person.” He rolled his eyes in reply, still smiling.

She decided not to respond to his sarcastic remark and instead just break the news. “I think I may have misplaced the golden snitch from your Seventh Year Cup in the move,” she said, her eyebrows furrowing.

His face fell and she cringed. “I’m really sorry.”

He shook his head and walked past her out of the kitchen.

“James—“

“No, Lily. That was irreplaceable. What do you mean, you misplaced it? Where do you think it is?” he asked, irritation evident in his tone.

“I don’t know, James. That’s what I mean,” she replied. “I thought… When I packed up our bedroom, I could’ve sworn I put everything in our dressers in different boxes, knickknacks included. All of my journals are with my clothes, so—“

“Oh, so I guess all of your stuff is neatly squared away!” he exclaimed, swirling around then to face her. His face was beet red.

“I didn’t mean to—“

“But you obviously were careless about it. Shit, Lily, what is wrong with you?” he snapped.

She folded her arms. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me that I packed up our entire bedroom last minute last night while you ran around and started schoolchild brawls with the same stupid people?”

“Better than misplacing something of extreme personal and historical value.” He sat down on the couch. “And better yet, I was protecting you.”

“Let’s you and I make a distinction between protecting me and being an idiot, once and for all,” she retaliated, “for the umpteenth time. If someone comes up to me and begins threatening me or shoving me or stabbing or kicking or—“

“You misplaced the one thing that used to make me fucking happy!” he screamed.

Tears came to her eyes as they stared at each other in silence. “The one thing that used to make you happy?” she asked him finally. “Quidditch. Quidditch is the one thing that used to make you happy?”

James pursed his lips and folded his arms.

“You’re a literal child!” she exclaimed. “Such a fucking baby, you are. Get over it, James. It’s a stupid ball!”

“A stupid ball. A stupid ball?” he asked. “Of course you didn’t pack it, Lily. You clearly don’t care about something that means a lot to me.”

“Well, you clearly don’t care about me because I don’t make you happy,” she choked back a sob before she fled the room.

At around ten o’clock at night, she retreated into the living room and threw the snitch at the couch. “There. Now you can think back on all the times you were happy with this hunk of metal.”

“Lily—“

“No. I don’t want to hear you. I’ve been looking for that stupid thing for hours and you haven’t said a word to me,” she said as she made her way back into their bedroom.

He followed her to find the room completely unpacked.

“I was unpacking the kitchen. I’m finished,” he explained.

“Well, that’s two rooms done,” she said resignedly, sitting on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally.

“You’re not sorry,” she replied. “You were so eager to yell at me. Why did you flip the switch like that?” she asked.

“Honestly…” he began, “I’ve just been really angry all day and I had no right to lose it like that.” He joined her on foot of the bed, and they both looked down at their new bedroom carpet. “You do make me happy, you know,” he said, his voice small. “You know that.”

“I guess,” she answered.

“You guess?”

“I don’t know, James. You screamed at me today,” she recalled, beginning to really be harsh towards him. “Over something of extreme personal and historical value,” she mocked, her voice adopting a childish pitch. “Something. Not someone. I said I was sorry, and I’d never lose it on—“

“I know you wouldn’t. Look at me,” he commanded.

She sighed and glanced over at him. “What?”

“I can’t believe I have to say this. You are way more important to me than anything, anyone even. Especially a snitch. Okay?” he asked.

They stared at each other in silence again before Lily broke it.

“Are you happy?” she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her and broke out in tears. He sobbed into her shoulder for a moment before pulling away to find her face stained in tears too.

“It’s not that I’m unhappy, Lily… It’s just… All day, I’ve been thinking about how we had to move to live somewhere that I’m only somewhat confident is an area where you won’t be murdered for being who you are,” he said then. “And I can’t help it. I start thinking about how mad I am, and sometimes the only way to calm myself down is to think about our times at Hogwarts. And I know you weren’t even completely safe back there which is why when Sirius and I saw those creeps at the bar last night… Lily, I can’t see their faces without thinking about the threats they’ve made about you, how they look at you, how—“

“Okay, James. We’re away from it now. I don’t like it either, but it doesn’t mean I—“

“Sirius talked me out of it until they started bugging me, saying they knew we were moving and they were tracking us, and they…. Lily, what they said they were going to do to you,” he bawled then. “I can’t just stand by and let that happen. I physically cannot. You’ve asked me to I don’t know how many times, and if I could, I would. I promise.”

She kissed him on the cheek. “Calm down. You know they only do it to get a rise—“

“Really, Lily? Really? When we both know I’ve worked on cases where those threats happened to real Muggleborn women,” he said. “I understand it’s easier and probably healthier for you to just not take them seriously, but I won’t ever let my guard down around those scumbags. I hate them. Do you know how many cases they’ve been suspects in, how many times they’ve been taken into custody and released?” he asked.

“I know, James. I know. You’ve told me all about it,” she said, resting her hands on his shoulders then. “Calm down. It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not hurt.”

“And I’m never, ever going to let you get hurt,” he cried, embracing her again. His sobs shook his entire body.

“Okay. Okay,” she told him. “Calm down. We’re right here together. Nothing is going to happen to us. We’ve got the place all secured, and it’s way out in the middle of nowhere. You made it that way, remember? This was finally the place you agreed to,” she reminded him. “It’s all right. This is the safest space for us to be.”

He kissed her hair. “I’m so sorry, Lily. It shouldn’t be you comforting me. You’re the one in danger, the one I treated terribly today—“

“I can tell that you were on the verge of a panic attack now,” she said softly. “You have been all day, haven’t you?”

“I’m sorry,” he gasped out. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Lily—“

“No, James. It’s okay. Just cry. It’s fine. We can talk afterwards,” she assured him.

He shook his head. “I can’t believe I yelled at you like that today.”

“I know. I was confused, too. Just cry it out,” she encouraged him, and finally, he lowered his head back onto her shoulder and cried a little more before stopping. “Okay?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Okay,” she said. She pulled away from him and kissed his forehead.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” he said then. “Really sorry. I should have never gotten that upset with you over something like that. You found it anyways, and if I was that concerned about it, I could have packed it myself,” he told her. “You make me so happy, which is why I love you so much and I never should have lost my temper with you.”

She nodded. “I understand. It’s okay.”

He kissed her on the lips. “I guess I just… In the moment you told me, I immediately thought about how if it was left in the old house, I didn’t want us to go back and look for it because it’d be unsafe. You know, with me starting a new sector at work, and being so far away form the city out here… It is kind of like starting all over. I don’t want to leave the old us behind… The us that took laps around the castle, studied in bed together, when you’d come and cheer me on at my Quidditch matches… That’s one of my favorite memories of us together, when you’d support me and scream your little head off for me. The snitch reminds me of all of those times we had back in the castle. It… It kinda sucks we have to leave everything behind in order to keep you safe. It’s ridiculous, it’s scary,” he said.

“I know,” she told him. “It’s like, all our friends think we’ll still be around, but… I don’t know. London has proved to be pretty dangerous, and now that it’s so far away… We’re just going to have to see if they want to make the trip.”

He nodded. “We have each other, though. And you make me so happy, and you have for a very long time now. I love you so much.”

She smiled. “I love you, too. You make me happy.”

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss it. “I’m sorry, really.”

“It’s okay, James. It honestly startled me more than anything,” she told him. “I love you, James. I know you’d never… You’d never really treat me like that.”

He kissed her cheek. “I never would want to. I’m supposed to be someone you can trust. Come sit with me.”

She rolled her eyes. “James, it’s—“

“Come here.” He held open his arms and straightened out his legs.

“I’ve gained weight since we left Hogwarts, you kn—“

“Come here to me.”

She sighed and crawled over to sit on his lap.

“There, there. It’s all right. I’m right here.” He wrapped his arms around her and began to gently rock her side to side.

“I’m not a child,” she protested, but her voice was too soft for him to take her seriously.

“You quite enjoy this. Don’t lie,” he said back, smoothing her hair and kissing it. “There, there, Lily.”

She rested her cheek on his shoulder and shut her eyes. “I am tired.”

“Of course you are, spending all day unpacking and whatnot. Let me soothe you to sleep,” he said.

She looked up at him for a moment.

“What?” he asked her.

“Nothing,” she replied. “Nothing. Go on.”

He rocked her a little longer before he moved her up the bed to tuck her in beneath the covers.

“Undress me first,” she commanded.

“Lily—“

“What? I’m going to fall asleep with my day clothes on?”

“Your jumper and sweatpants?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Take my clothes off,” she restated.

He nodded and did just that, pulling her jumper over her head and then shimmying her pants off her. “Better?”

She nodded, grinning. “Much.”

He kissed her and moved the comforter overtop her. “There. Let me climb in next to you.” He positioned himself to spoon her, but she almost immediately flipped over to face him.

“You are going to be such an excellent father,” she told him.

“I am?” he asked.

She nodded. “Someday. Right?”

“Right.” He kissed her forehead. “Someday soon if you aren’t careful.”

She smiled at his honestly lame flirtation. It was strange yet pleasant how she became giddier and easier to impress the longer they stayed together. “Yeah.” She nestled her head under his chin before saying what she wanted to next. “How soon do you think we should think about it?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, Lily. We have the see what’ll happen with the war. How safe we are in this house should play a big factor, too.”

She yawned. “You’re right. I just… I guess I’m somewhat eager. We have been married for almost a year now,” she said.

“Secretly married,” he contradicted.

She rolled her eyes and emerged from under his chin, kissing him on the lips. “Same difference. James, the reason we got married is because we wanted to be together forever as soon as possible if this war was going to rage on and keep us from doing that. Isn’t it just the same with a baby?” she asked. “I want to be a mother. I’ve wanted to be a mother since I can remember.”

He shook his head. “Not at all. I’m not bringing a child… our child… into an unsafe situation,” he explained.

“Nothing’s going to happen,” she told him. “Really. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t want that either, you know that.” She grabbed his hand. “A baby would be great for us right now. Don’t you want something else to think about other than violence and hatred?”

“Sure. I’d love that. That’s not what a baby’s for,” he replied. “I really don’t need to speak any more on it, Lily. Give it awhile. I’m not getting you pregnant until I’m supremely satisfied that we are safe.” He brought the hand he was holding to his mouth to kiss it. “Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay. I understand.”

“Goodnight, Lily. I love you so much, and… and I really do hope that one day we can have a baby for you, for me, for the sake of having a family. I just want that baby to have a long, healthy life alongside us both.”

“Of course,” she replied. “Right. I love you, too, James, so much. Too much, I think, sometimes.”

He smiled. “Never too much for me. Goodnight, okay?”

“Goodnight.”

He shut his eyes and she immediately snuggled closer to him, her chest pressed against where he held her hand at his heart.

#jily fic #jily #hp #hp fanfic #harrypotter

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