part two: willow tree | remus lupin
GIF by kenstaroyco
part two: a brand new day
pairing/au: marauders era, remus lupin × reader
summary: you've loved your best friend for as long as you can remember and loving someone who doesn't love you back hurts. a lot.
warnings: angst, unrequited love, sadness, fluff, friends to lovers, childhood best friends to lovers. drinking, mentions of alcohol and parties. no use of y/n. slightly jealous!remus
the reader has dyed their hair, I haven’t specified how so you can do anything you want to it really.
this part is set in their sixth year
a/n: sorry about the month long wait guys but here’s part 2, but enjoy. hasn’t been proof read btw as I simply cba
series masterlist main masterlist
“Thank god we’re dorm mates this year.”
Lily was pacing up and down the middle of your room whilst you were laying on your bed, your hands under your chin watching her.
It was hectic business getting her to be your dorm mate this year. She was adamant on it, saying something along the lines of ‘being head prefect does not mean I should get stuck babysitting third and fourth years. Absolutely ridiculous.’
Lily being Lily somehow managed to convince the school to allow her to move into yours. You still had the same room though, the best room in the flat in your opinion, you had an en-suite and the view of the willow tree right outside your window; so unpacking wasn’t an issue for you as much as it was for her.
“I don’t think I could handle dealing with those children for another year. And I- you’re not listening are you?”
You were in fact not listening to her, you had zoned out about five minutes into her ranting. She loudly said your name. When you didn’t respond she said clapped her hands in front of your face to snap you out of your daze.
You jumped and began to teasingly console her.
“I am. You were just saying how glad you are to be sharing with me, because I’m so amazing and smart and funny and-”
You were cut off when one of your throw pillows was chucked at you. You crossed your arms over your face as it bounced off your hands onto the floor.
“Rude.” You muttered with a smile on your face.
“I swear that hair dye must be seeping into your brain because you were much nicer last year. Probably would’ve offered to help me unpack too.” She teased, referencing the fact that you had gotten your hair done over the summer.
It was a last minute sort of thing, your mum had guilted you into it, deciding to pull the ‘you’re at Hogwarts all year and I never get to see you’ card. So mother daughter bonding this summer had been in a hair salon, but she had also spoilt you rotten with new clothes so you couldn’t complain.
When you had come home that day you had sat in the mirror looking at your self for about an hour, pleasantly surprised by the outcome. You looked… pretty.
“Shut up.” You stared at her blankly, a trace of a grin on your face. You shuffled off your bed and stood up brushing your hands against your jeans.
“Come on then, move your cute little butt. Let’s go unpack.”
You don’t think walking into Hogwarts on your first day of school every year could ever get old. It was an enigma, a puzzle that had yet to be solved and it just brimmed with magical excellence. Everything you could dream of was possible at this school.
As you walked through the entrance you could hear shrieks of laughter. You looked up and saw some seventh years flying on their broom sticks in circles above the courtyard. You smiled. Nope, it never gets old.
The first day buzz was hitting everyone, you could see the first years being taken on their tours, their little figures being swamped by the uniform that was three times too big on them. Everyone was catching up with their friends about the summer, talking about what they did, where they went.
The issue now was finding your group of friends to catch up with. You had said goodbye to Lily at the dorms, she had to go and talk to the teachers about her prefect duties saying she’d catch up with you later. You stood by the water fountain near the middle of the courtyard looking around for any familiar heads of hair.
“Moony you’re so tall, what did you do, decide to morph into a giraffe this summer?”
Sirius. You rolled your eyes.
Oh god you’ve missed them. Missed Remus. You hadn’t had a chance to catch up at all during summer, especially after that awkward moment before Lily dragged you away.
She had gotten everything out of you, your feelings about him, just all of it. You had talked so much about Remus that night.
You could feel the dread set in and the butterflies in your belly at the thought of seeing him. But you had to act natural, normal. The way you would usually act.
So you spun on your heels and turned about quickly walking towards the group of boys. Remus’ back was towards you, they hadn’t noticed you yet so you slowly approached.
Once you had reached them and resided behind Remus, you stood on your tiptoes and covered his eyes with your hands.
You could feel his hands come up gently grab you wrists, keeping your hands there.
“I wonder who it could be?” He said in a teasing voice and you knew he was smiling although you couldn’t see his face.
You popped your head out from behind his shoulder, initially being hidden behind his back due to how tall he had gotten.
The marauders had all gone quiet once they saw you. Peters face filled with a red flush whilst James’ mouth was open whilst he looked at you.
What was wrong?
You awkwardly looked at your feet before looking back up again.
You pulled your hands away from Remus’ eyes just in time for Sirius to pick up and twirl you around, his hands on your waist. As he put you down you placed your hands on his upper arms to steady yourself. He instantly wrapped his arms around you, telling you he missed you over the summer before he let go you.
James and Peter had also pulled you in for an individual hug and said their hellos.
Surprisingly, Remus hadn’t said anything yet and when you turned to look at him you found he was already looking at you.
“Hey.” You said breathlessly.
He still hadn’t said anything, you could see his eyes darting around your face his mouth opening and closing. This was really starting to get ridiculous now, you had only been gone for 2 months.
“Remus?” You called his name attempting to get his attention.
The only thing that snapped him out of it was Sirius firmly slapping him on the back, an awkward chuckle coming from his mouth.
“Moony she’s back. You’ve been moping around all summer why don’t you say hi instead of… this?”
This seemed to snap him out of it as he charged forward wrapping his arms around your middle. You curled you arms around his neck as he lifted you up and squeezed you tight, your feet just nearly touching the floor as he leaned back with you in his arms.
After a long moment he set you down.
“Hi. I- wow.” He blinked. “You look… um.” He gulped opening his mouth before closing it again. He trailed off, staring at you for a long moment.
You heard a loud, awkward laugh coming from Sirius before he intervened, stepping to your side.
“Pretty. You look pretty.” He rolled his eyes playfully, his hand coming up to ruffle your hair. “I like the new hair, nerd.”
“Why thank you Sirius. Very kind of you.” You chuckled stepping back and twirling around on one foot, your hair flying around your head.
“You look very pretty too.” You teased him.
“Of course I do, this is a known fact.” He said with a smirk on his face.
Idiot. You’ve missed him.
Before you could could say anything else you heard your name loudly being called. You turned around seeing Marlene and the girls waving you over.
You turned around and began apologising.
“I’m gunna go say hi. I will see you guys later, okay.” You began walking away backwards. “Oh and I missed you guys too.”
You said your goodbyes and spun on your heel and walked towards Marlene, you needed a deep catch up with them about the summer too.
That went well right? Although Remus acted weirdly, you acted fine. Completely normally you hope. You shook your head, snapping out of it has you reached the girls.
What you didn’t see was Sirius and James slapping Remus round the head, their laughs filling the air. His eyes were still on your retreating figure, a dazed look on his face.
“Alright, alright. You can stop staring now moony, let’s go to tutor.”
It had only been a couple of hours and you had already fallen back into your normal routine, it was like you had never left.
Currently, you were walking down the main corridor towards to great hall where you assumed you were to meet your friends. You all had had potions together that morning but you didn’t share the next lesson after that with any of them.
You were walking with Alexander, a new friend you had just made in your defence of the dark arts lesson. You had clicked almost instantly and had made fast friends. He was in Ravenclaw and was very sweet. It didn’t help that he was also very good looking.
As you reached the entrance of the the hall you both turned to each other and said goodbye, his hand touching your elbow for a quick moment before you went your separate ways towards your relative friends.
You threw your bag on the table and slumped down in a seat next to Lily, right in the middle of the group. The boys had seemingly settled on the left and the girls on the right.
“Who was that?”
You turned to look at Lily.
“Who was who?” Giving her a perplexed look you furrowed your brows.
“That boy who you walked in with.” She was now smirking at you, her comment had drawn the attention of both groups.
“Oh that was Alexander, we just met last lesson. He’s just transferred here from up north.” You explained this, trying to act as nonchalant as you could.
“Oh, has he now?” Marlene had chimed. Her and Lily turned and exchanged mischievous smiles before looking at you.
Oh my god. You truly hated your friends. You could not wait for Lily and James to finally get together. When they finally did, you’ll make sure that they’ll never hear the end of it.
You could feel Remus’ stare from across the table, his eyes felt like they were burning a hole into the side of your face.
“Urgh, you guys are so annoying.” You complained rolling your eyes playfully.
“Only because we love ya!” Lily threw her arm around your shoulder.
The conversation quickly switched over to Marlene and the boy she had met over the summer, with you alternating talking to the boys and then your other group of friends. However, you could feel Remus looking at you from time to time, his eyes flickering to your face before he quickly looked away.
You felt two heavy hands suddenly make their way onto your shoulders before you were shaken harshly. You let out a screech and put you hand to your chest. Hearing loud laughter you turned around to see Sirius stood behind you, swearing at him you turned your back on him with a smile on your face.
“Move over. Everyone’s favourite person has arrived.” He said in a cocky voice as he sat down next to you.
“Not sure about that padfoot, I’m definitely the favourite here.” James exclaimed with a smirk, his eyes on Lily. “Right Lils?”
She turned and gave in an incredulous look before rolling her eyes, a ghost of a smile on her face. Oh yeah, they are definitely going to get together. The whole group had a bet going. You had bet that they’d be together by the end of the year, whilst Remus, Sirius and Marlene were betting that by Christmas he would finally be able to win her over.
“Right, Jack Fullingham is having a party tonight to celebrate the beginning of the year.”
“Umm, who’s Jack Fullingham?” Peter asked timidly.
“This seventh year. Listen it doesn’t matter, I’ve managed to get us all invited so don’t worry about it. I’m ready to party so who’s in?” With a mischievous look on his face he wriggled his eyes brows.
“I swear he hates you. Didn’t you try it on with his girlfriend last year?” Remus raised his eye brows at him.
“Pffft. That’s all in the past now, don’t worry about it moony.” He kissed his teeth and leant forward grabbing the cookie from Remus’ plate.
“Well then, I guess we’re in.”
You heard murmurs of agreement from the girls. With the boys following quickly after.
You had been at this party for about an hour now and it was beginning to get boring.
James had dragged Lily off somewhere trying to woo her and no matter how much the girl denied her feelings she had gone along with his antics. What morons.
The rest of the marauders had been stolen from you by Sirius claiming he needed their help trying to seduce this girl in the year above.
Although, you had seen Violet floating about and you were hoping her and Remus wouldn’t bump into each other because you couldn’t handle seeing them interact, it literally made you want to gouge your eyes out.
Not that that would matter to you, you were friends. Just friends.
You had kind of managed to distance yourself from the party and were sat on the counter in the kitchen, a drink in your hand observing the scene in front of you.
There were huddles of seventh and sixth years together, empty cups strewn everywhere with a massive herd of empty bottles by the kitchen sink.
And of course there were couples spotted around, obviously attempting to get lucky tonight and by the looks of it most of them will.
“So, what are you doing sat here alone?” A deep voice next to you spoke out.
Startled you turned to see Alexander stood next to you, leaning against the counter. He was wearing jeans with a top that fit him… nicely you could say. Well, fit his biceps very nicely.
You were suddenly grateful that Lily had dragged you into her room to get ready together, her wardrobe had been of great benefit to you tonight and you were certainly glad that you were dressed appropriately for the evening. That was made clear by the wolf whistles Marlene and your friend Janie had shot you when you’d seen them.
Shooting him a smile you responded. “I’m bored, been ditched by all my friends.”
“Ah, well they made the wrong choice.”
“Yeah I’ll tell them as much if I bump into them again tonight.”
He chuckled, his eyes darting around your face for a moment.
“I’ll stay with you until then. Hopefully they don’t turn up and who knows maybe I can keep you company all night.” He shot you a cheeky grin, his brows raised.
Was he flirting with you? No surely not. He was him and you were, well just you. Your mouth parted and you’d realised you’d just been staring at him a moment too long.
“Or not. Hey, I saw a pretty girl and I thought it was time to shoot my shot.” He said nervously.
You quickly snapped out your daze. Yup, definitely flirting.
“I never said you couldn’t shoot your shot. Shoot it and you’ll see where it takes you.”
Woah, where did that come from. That was bold. Oh god, thank Merlin you had some liquid courage in you.
Interacting with boys was never your forte, definitely not sober and most certainly not drunk.
You weren’t sure how he was going to react until he shot you a smirk. “I guess I’ll be sticking around then.”
You didn’t realise how long you had spent chatting until you heard the front door slam, and looking around the place was now half empty couples had fallen asleep on each other and the party had mainly moved into the garden.
You had been caught up in conversation, Alex was funny and witty and you hadn’t stopped laughing since he had come over to you. He told you all about his life up north and why he moved down to Hogwarts.
After the front door slammed again you both fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, not really needing to fill the gap. He was stood up at the kitchen counter leaning against your arm whilst you were sat on it.
Taking a sip of your drink let out breathe. Alex moved to stand in front of you, even though you were sat on the counter he was still taller so you tilted your chin up to look at him. He rubbed his arm before he began talking and you were now worried about what he was going to do.
He began to speak. “So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out again? Alone this time, just me and you.”
Oh my god, was he asking you on a date? He was sweet but you still had feelings for Remus and you didn’t want to lead him on. But he could have meant it in a friendly way, right?
“Like a date?” You said breathless.
“Like a date. So what’d ya say?” He smiled at you nervously.
You opened your mouth to turn him down before something caught your eye behind his shoulder. Remus and Violet had just walked down the stairs hand in hand.
You felt sick.
This was it then, you had to begin to move on. You couldn’t follow Remus around like a lost puppy forever.
Alex was a good guy, and maybe if it all went well he could be the boy that’ll help you move on.
You inhaled sharply before meeting Alex’s eyes.
“I’d love too.” You gave him a tight smile.
“Cool. I’ll be looking forward to it.” He gave you a grin and you could tell he was very happy.
Guilt instantly started to fill your veins as you were only going to be using him as a distraction and you couldn’t help feel disheartened at the prospect.
Your gaze found Remus over his shoulder again. He was now alone and slumped against the wall, he was drunk. You could tell by the way his pupils were dilated and he was staring up at the ceiling with a clenched jaw. He was beginning to slide downwards and eventually was going down o take a seat on the floor.
Just because he didn’t love you back that didn’t mean you had the right to abandon him altogether, and that was the reason you said your goodbyes to Alex. You have him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek as you told him you had seen one of your friends that you needed to look after.
Jumping off the counter you began your trek over to Remus.
He was now fully sat on the floor his head leaned back on the wall and his eyes shut.
You crouched down next to his legs and placed your hand on his shoulder as you should him gently.
“Remus.” He let out a large groan. “Remus are you alright?”
You rolled your eyes, he was fine but sitting on the floor was not the best place to be at the moment so you began attempting to stand him up. You wrapped your arm around his back placed your other on his chest attempting to haul him up.
“Remus come on. You can’t sit on the floor, let’s go and sit on the couch.”
“No, it’s comfy here.” He half slurred his words.
“Please, come on.” You tried again and this time luckily he listen to you and began to push his body off the ground.
When he finally stood up he leaned against you full and nearly buckled under his weight. The boy had grown significantly over the summer and wan no longer slightly taller than you but rather towered over you now. As Sirius so nicely put it, he’s a giraffe now.
Managing to drag him over the the sofa, you sat him down as gently as you could but that was quite difficult when he had practically lost control of all his limbs.
You were quite out of breath by the time he’s slumped down on the sofa, you did not have the best stamina and you would rue the day you ever entered a gym.
You sat down beside him and pushed his hair off of his forehead as it had flopped down and covered his eyes.
“How much have you had to drink?” You sighed. He grunted.
“Remus, come on.”
“You’d know if you weren’t so distracted tonight.” He said with a huff.
Excuse me, who had ditched who?
“Distracted with what, huh?” Was this to do with Alex?
“You know with what.” He huffed again and crossed his arms and stared forward, a pout on his face.
“What a big baby. You sad I didn’t give you any attention tonight?” He certainly had all of Violet’s attention but you weren’t complaining about that.
He hummed finally turning to look at you.
Remind you to never let this boy get drunk again, you cannot deal with his moodiness again.
Letting out a deep sigh you put your head on his shoulder and stared forward, you were too tired for this conversation right now and analysing what it all meant.
You could feel his neck tense as he stayed with his head facing you. He stared at you for a long moment before you began feel uncomfortable.
Moving away from his you looked at him with a glare.
“What now Remus?”
If this boy started again you were actually going to slap him, it was nearly 2am you didn’t have the energy for this right now.
“You’re beautiful.” He stared at you with an intense look, furrowing his brows giving you a small smile. “You’ve always been beautiful.”
You could feel your cheeks burning and your mouth softly part open in shock.
There was suddenly a loud bang coming from behind you both before you heard glass shattering. You both turned around to try and look into the kitchen through the sliver of the ajar door.
“Wormtail, I’m blaming this on you.” You heard Sirius say.
“What, no way.” Peter responded.
You heard shuffling next to you and by the time you’d turned around Remus was gone and you could hear his voice in the kitchen.
You slumped harshly back into the sofa.
What was that.
Remus thought you were beautiful, in fact apparently he’d always thought that. Was this a sign of sorts, was he trying to signal anything to you?
Surely it had to mean something? Boys don’t go around telling girls these things unless they truly meant them.
You could feel your face involuntarily turn into a smile, and your cheeks were beginning to hurt as you stared down at you hands in shock.
He thought you were pretty.
Oh god, he had to stop doing this. Dating Violet and then telling you these things, you had no idea what it all meant. It was just confusing, especially when you were supposed to be just best friends.
Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Lily sat down next to you, her head on your shoulder.
“Hey gorgeous, what’s got you smiling like that?” There was a teasing smile on her face as you looked over at her.
Act cool. It doesn’t mean anything.
Well it could mean something. Did it mean something?
“Nothing, just thinking about stuff.”
You didn’t want to mention it and get your hopes up if it wasn’t anything special.
She hummed. You could never hide anything from Lily, she had this ability of reading you the way no one else but Remus could and you could tell she wanted to ask about him since she must have seen you both talking.
But she didn’t say anything. Wrapping her hands around your upper arm she brought her legs up and splayed them across your lap and began ranting about James and his antics.
Of course. She could also tell when you didn’t want to talk about things and knew exactly how to move on swiftly and avoid the topic of conversation. How you went without her for 16 years you’ll never know.
So for now you’ll sit and listen to her talk about James, but you know that your not truly listening, your is mind elsewhere.
But you couldn’t wait to reap your shares of the group bet at the end of the year when she and James finally get together.
Sweet victory awaits.
“When is it?!”
Hearing squeals you looked up from your notebook. Marlene, Lily and Mary and sat down around you, throwing their bags on the table.
“I can’t believe we didn’t hear it from you, we’re supposed to be your closest friends.” Lily said with a huff.
Okay, now you were really confused.
“Hear what from me?”
Marlene rolled her eyes before responding.
“The date. With Alexander.”
There was a smug chuckle next to you from Mary.“See I knew there was something more there than what you said.”
Oh, the date. If you were honest you had forgotten about it until now.
“Yes.” You said in a caution voice. “Alex asked me on a date.”
“Oh it’s Alex now is it?” Lily had a smirk on her face.
“When is it?”
“I don’t really know, I think he said Friday.” Taking a bite of your sandwich you shrugged. All you wanted was to eat your lunch in peace, the great hall had finally quieted down since everyone had now left for the courtyard.
“You don’t know for sure?! This is a travesty. Why aren’t you more excited about this?” You couldn’t keep up with Marlene’s intense questioning. “This is Alexander Cromwell asking you on a date. I mean do you know how many girls are crushing on him?”
“Ummm… no I don’t. I don’t even really know how it happened. We were just talking at Jack’s party and it just happened. I honestly forgot about it.”
“You’ll have to make this up to us later for not telling us as soon as it happened.
At this point Marlene was more excited than you were about it. If she liked him so much why didn’t she go out and date him.
“Wait, how did you guys hear about this if I didn’t tell you?”
“Well, we heard from Lory who heard from Anna who heard from her boyfriend Jack who heard it from the man himself.”
You could feel Lily’s stare on the side of your face. Her unspoken question lingered in the air. ‘What about Remus?’ You didn’t want to speak about it. Which probably wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism but it was the way you were dealing with it.
Thinking too hard about your feelings for Remus could literally make it feel as if your heart could shatter. The line between friends and more than that was so blurred between you. Sometimes he would treat you in a way that had you smiling all week, and making your heart feel as if it could beat out of your chest.
Other times it cemented what you really were. ‘We’re just friends.’ was a comment you had heard him say more times than you could imagine. It was very clear to you when he would ditch you for Violet, or the fact that he didn’t come and see you during the full moons anymore.
You had been pushing your feelings as deep down as you could, but you couldn’t help but feel like this was a what if that would only ever be that. Ironic how there are 8 billion people in the world and you’ve managed to fall in love with the one person that would never love you back.
Letting out a nervous chuckle you responded. “Merlin. That’s a lot of people.” You could feel you face heat.
Lily’s pensive stare eventually turned into a question. “Are you excited about the date?”
It was a good question actually. Are you excited about the date?
Speaking to Alex the whole night of that party was the most memorable moment of the night. You could still remember how you felt when his arm brushed yours and the smiles he would shoot you.
And it didn’t help that he was ridiculously good looking. He had sharp features, a strong jaw and piercing eyes. He was quite the opposite to Remus. Where he had fierce look to him whilst Remus had softer features. He was loud and outgoing whereas Remus was quiet and reserved.
It didn’t make sense but oddly in a way it did. You need to reach out of your comfort zone and grow, and potentially that had to be away from your childhood friend.
“I think so. I mean he makes me laugh and he’s so cute. It’s all just exciting.” You could feel yourself become giddy. Maybe a part of you was happy about this date. After all your bad luck in the romantic department maybe this was your gift for waiting.
Lily’s face scrunched slightly for a moment before it turned into a smile.
“Good. You deserve it.”
You smiled back, ignoring the voice in the back of your mind.
The date went well. In fact it went better than you could’ve imagined.
There was not a moment that night where you didn’t stop talking, and even thinking about it put a grin on your face.
You also had had your first kiss that Friday. He had walked you home after that date, said goodbye and kissed you under the willow tree outside your dorm. Hidden under the view of all the droopy leaves, it was almost perfect.
Although it didn’t happen with the person you had wanted it to happen with the most, it was still good. Alex was sweet and kind and you almost couldn’t imagine it have happening with someone else.
Lily had forced it all out of you the moment you had stepped through the door, a smile on your face. Even though she had ruined your night by mentioning Remus. She was till weary of your feelings, with good reason, but you couldn’t go the rest of your life being weary about moving on.
Sitting in the common room, you were fiddling with the pages of the book you were reading led across the sofa, your legs crossed over at your ankles. Your mind had been in the clouds recently, I mean you did have a lot to think about.
Like for example, currently you were sat not paying attention to your book or the conversation your were supposedly a part of.
The marauders were sat on the opposing sofa with Remus sat in the arm chair by your head.
“Hey, stop pretending to read and pay attention.” Your were rudely interrupted from your thoughts by Remus knocking on the sofa closest to your head.
“Urgh if I have too.” You groaned and turned to your side leaning all your weight onto your elbow placing your book down on the table in front of you.
“What were you thinking so hard about then chief.” You hated this nickname. James had given it to you after you had taken charge of your herbology group project. It’s not your fault he’s a lazy bastard who doesn’t do anything you tell him to.
Out of the corner of your eye you saw two hands about to come down on the back of the sofa. They slammed down and Marlene leaning forward.
“Probably about Alex, and their date, and how romantic he is and what a good kisser he is.” She teased you.
She and Lily came around and sat down on either side of you whilst you sat up. You could feel your cheeks burning. This was not a conversation you wanted to have now. You had not told Remus about it yet, you had blocked that thought from your mind. If you had told him all you would done in the back of your mind would compare the night to what he would’ve done if the date was with him.
The shock on their faces was clear.
“You went on a date?” Peter muttered out, his eyes wide.
“By Merlin’s beard. Really? I thought that was just a rumour.” Sirius leaned back in his chair and smirked at you.
“With Alexander Cromwell? You said you were just friends.” Remus finally spoke out.
You finally met his gaze. His brows were furrowed a tense look on his face.
“Yeah, we were. It kind of just happened.” You scrunched your nose with a smile.
His jaw clenched tightly.
“It just happened. How does something like that just happen?” His voice was dark, he was not happy.
He should be happy for you, I mean he has Violet and you had no one. This is something Remus should encourage.
“I don’t know, we’ve spoken a couple times and it was good so we just went for it.”
What was his problem? You chuckled nervously and look around seeing Sirius and Lily staring intensely at Remus with their brows furrowed.
“When did it happen?” His frown deepened.
Fuck. Looking around you could see the awkward expressions on everyone’s faces, you almost wanted to die on the spot.
Luckily for you, Marlene responded instead. “A lady never kisses and tells Remus, come on you should know this by now.”
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Why was he doing this right here, right now.
“Yeah Remus, you don’t hear all about the feathers I’ve ruffled.” Sirius gave his input, you could tell he was attempting to ease the awkward tension and with Lily’s response the conversation moved on from your date.
“It’s all I hear about thank you very much. Sirius did this, Sirius is an ass, etc etc.”
He let out an exaggerated laugh. “What lies, I am a very nice gentleman for your information.”
Everyone began giving their input and you finally started to relax, slouching into yourself and refusing to look at Remus.
His stare was obvious along with his disapproval, and no matter for how long you refused to meet his stare you could feel him looking at you every so often with that frown you knew too well.
This wasn’t quite the reception you were expecting from him.
But you decided to do what you always do, which is ignoring your problems, so you kept your gaze forward.
You wouldn’t meet his eyes and you will most definitely pretend like it was no big deal.
No big deal at all.
The year had now passed by quite quickly, Easter was approaching and you finally had the chance to go home soon. Finally a change to get away from Remus.
Things had been weird between you two, there was this underlying tension that you didn’t know how to break, ever since you had started dating Alex.
Remus hated him and he constantly made this know. His behaviour often made its way into your late night thoughts. You would lie under your covers, your hand under your head think about him and he had been acting these past couple months.
The behaviour he was displaying would usually incline a girl to believe that he liked them, and the way he acted towards Alex was intriguing.
It was things like this that would get your hopes up, it would make you believe that there was a chance that he would return your feelings. However, his relationship with Violet would indicate otherwise. They had gotten back to get her around November time and had been together since.
These mixed signals he was sending you made your head spin. It would also cause waves of overwhelming guilt to wash over you. Alex was a great guy, he was smart and funny and you got along great, but there was something that was missing. A spark, a feeling, just something. You couldn’t help but ignore the fact that the thing that was really the problem were your feelings for Remus.
Lily had voiced her concern several times about this issue and you had shut the conversation down every time and ran away. It felt humiliating talking about it with her, especially when she had James in the palm of her hand. She was beautiful and a genius could have just about anybody had she ever wanted too.
It was different, she never had to deal with the pains of unrequited love.
Being with Alex was a distraction you welcomed, he took your mind off of Remus and it was good. You didn’t have to think about the pain of it anymore, it made it easier to bury it deep down. They were different enough that you couldn’t really compare the two, which helped a lot. If you had dated a Remus 2.0 you would not have been able to handle it.
Alex did however play quidditch which was a massive distinction the two boys and you were currently on your way to one of his matches. It was Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw tonight which was kind of a conflict of interest.
All of your friends were Gryffindor, as were you, so you were kind of a traitor considering you were cheering for Ravenclaw. However, this factor did mean that you could never lose, if Gryffindor won your house had succeed and if Ravenclaw won your boyfriend had succeed.
You were currently putting on a Ravenclaw scarf that Alex had asked you to wear, it was his. It was almost a way of claiming you were his and the concept of it was very adorable.
Initially he had asked you to wear a version of the robes he would wear in the matches but you thought that might be a bit too much and tip your friends over the edge, so you settled for wearing his scarves. The deep purple was a bright contrast against Gryffindor’s colours so you stuck out like a sore thumb but at least he could always see you when he was playing.
Lily and you were currently on your way to the stadium, hand in hand you had left your accommodation and were chatting along the way. The group had all decided to meet before hand and walk to the stadium together, that referred to all of you that didn’t play - which was everyone but James and Sirius.
You were currently approaching the meeting spot and you could see Marlene and Mary were already there.
“Hey guys!” They both waved at you as you walking up to them.
“Hey! Where’s Remus and Peter?” Lily had asked in a curious tone. She hated the cold and was eager to get to the stadium.
Well that was the reason she had told you but personally you think she may have an ulterior motive. Potentially her eagerness wasn’t linked to the cold but perhaps for a certain someone that she wanted to see.
Mary shrugged noncommittally. “I think they should be on their way, I mean they’re usually on time.”
“Well they’re here now so we can probably get going.”
You could see the two boys behind her shoulder, so you nodded you chin upwards with your gaze on them.
You all started walking towards them, meeting in the middle and saying your hellos.
“As much as I love this chitchat, can we please go, I feel like my hands are about to freeze off.”
“Alright, alright let’s go grumpy.” You chuckled as the six of you began your trek over.
Remus had coincidentally ended up next to you, and you both walked in stride along the pavement.
“What are you wearing?” He said your name in disgust. He was referring to your scarf, he did this every single match without fail.
“A scarf.” You played dumb because you were so done with this conversation.
“You are a Gryffindor you know.” There was a pointed look on his face as he tugged gently on one end of your purple scarf.
“Because my boyfriend is a Ravenclaw and I support my boyfriend in his endeavours.”
He let out a groan. “But you’ve never liked quidditch, I always had to drag you to these matches before.”
“I never had a reason to go before.”
Remus rolled his eyes so hard you were sure they were going to get stuck like that.
“Here we go again. I still just don’t understand why you don’t like him.”
Letting out a tut he responded. “He just gets on my nerves.”
“Sure uh huh, because that’s definitely the reason.”
He let out a huff and was quiet for the remainder of the walk to the stadium and as you took your seats in your house’s box.
Overall the game was a tense two hours, with the whole school on the edge of their seats. This was a long awaited game.
Ultimately Ravenclaw pulled through and won after the long match, neither of the teams had been able to catch the golden snitch.
As they had scored the last goal you jumped up and let a loud cheer. You heard booing behind you and you turned around to see pointed glares at you. Shrinking in to yourself you gave everyone sheepish smiles.
Well, at least Alex had won, right?
You all had began walking down towards the pitch, attempting to push past the throngs of people.
“Stop smiling, it’s annoying me.”
“Shut up Mary, it’s okay not everyone wins every time.” You smirked at her. She gave you a playful push and you stumbled into Remus’ arm. You looked up at him and he had a deadpan look on his face.
Your name was called loudly.
Spinning around you attempted to find where it was coming from.
It was shouted again.
Before you knew it Alex was in front of you and had planted a fast one on you. His hand was on the back of your head as he gave you a long kiss.
You heard an annoyed sigh coming from behind you and you decidedly ignored it knowing that it came from Remus.
Eventually, you managed to pull away from Alex. He gave you a massive hug, his sweaty body all over you.
“We won.” He had a grin on his face, his eyes sparkling. It was moments like this where you looked back at him and you felt so guilty because you knew that you could never return his feelings they way that he deserved.
You let out a breathless chuckle. “I know, I saw.” Giving him a a big smile you pushed his hair out of his face. “You played really great.”
“I had a special girl I was trying to impress in the crowd.” With a smirk on his face he leaned in to kiss you again.
Pulling away, your hand slid down from his arm to his hand. You see, Alex was a big fan of pda and unfortunately you were not. You didn’t know if it was because of the fact you didn’t have very strong feelings for him or because you just didn’t like it all together but he was a big fan of it.
He loved giving you long kisses and having his hand on you as often as he could and whilst you appreciated it, Remus’ glares on the back of your head every time stuff like this happened was clear and made you very very uncomfortable.
In fact you could feel his stare deep in the back of your head at this moment.
“Alright, alright. We get it you won, no need to show off.”
James had walked up to us in this time and gave Alex a firm pat on the back along the way.
Alex wasn’t the gloating type but you knew this match had meant a lot to him. Why this one specifically you don’t know, but it was something he was very passionate about.
“No hard feelings right, Potter?” He gave the Gryffindor boy a playful grin, his eyes lighting up. He was like the human version of a puppy.
James gave Alex a deadpan look as the corners of his mouth begun to turn upwards. Before he could smile fully he looked down towards the floor and gave a playful scoff.
“Shut up.” He muttered loud enough for us to hear.
As much as the marauders hated to admit it, Alex was a great guy. You knew how much they respected Remus but you could tell they disagreed with his feelings about your boyfriend, and each one shared a wholesome friendship with him.
Your herd of friends were currently waiting for Sirius, the boy had a habit of being late. Everywhere. His habit normally had something to do with a girl, and if he was late after a quidditch match it was definitely to do with a girl. He was seeing someone called Marcy at the moment and your top guess was that he was caught up with her.
“So did you want to do something now, or later?” You looked back at Alex after you had finished scanning your surroundings.
You were both currently holding both of each others hands, with him leaning back and forth into you and away from you, whilst his bag was on the ground next to you.
Looking up at him you gave him a shrug and kissed your teeth before responding.
“I don’t really know, what do you want to do?”
“It’s up to you.”
This boy. He knew exactly what he was doing.
“Don’t do this to me.” He smirked at you whilst his thumbs began rubbing along the sides of your hands in a calming motion.
“What ever you want to do is good.”
“Stop, you know how indecisive I am, I can’t decide. I don’t mind so you pick, please.”
Furrowing your brows you scrunched your nose and looked at him whilst tilting your head.
After a moment of you both staring each other down he smiled and began to tut at you.
“Fineee. I’ll choose, you know it’s very tiring having to hold the weight of these decisions everytime.”
“I’m sorry.” He leaned in and pecked your lips. “We can go to a restaurant and grab some food now?”
You quietly let out a long hum and furrowed your brows.
“Okay. Or we can go back to yours, watch a movie and order food in. Ares can go grab it.”
This time you let out a short hum and smiled. Ares was Alex’s owl, you loved that little guy. Particularly, when he would travel all the way for the city to get you food and come back.
“Alright.” He pulled you in for a hug and wrapped his arms tightly around your shoulders, pinning your arms to your sides and reducing a majority of your movement. “And you say I make all the decisions in this relationship.” He kissed the top of your head.
You scoffed and pulled away from him before smacking his chest with the back of your hand.
“It’s a two way street lady, what just happened here then, right now.”
He had a point. But technically without him giving you the options you couldn’t have mutually decided which one you wanted to do.
“It was a mutual agreement, you ass.”
You let out a loud, dramatic breathe before playfully rolling your eyes. Leaning down you grabbed his bag and shoved it into his chest and stepped away from him before turning around to speak to everyone else.
“Umm, we’re going home. So we’ll see you guys tomorrow, right?”
Raising your eyebrows you let out a meek smile. Firstly, because Lily will hate you for ‘leaving her here alone with these idiots’, aka James Potter, alone.
Secondly, because you cannot stand to see Katie Jelson pine after Remus. She had recently began to tag along with your group when Remus was there and Merlin, she looked at him like he had hung the stars in the sky.
Is that how you look at him- looked at him. Reflecting back on your fifth year it must have been so obvious. All you could think about was if he pretended to not know about and ignore your feelings for him like he was doing to Katie.
Did he also complain about you to the marauders as he was doing with Katie.
It was humiliating, looking back there was no way he couldn’t have known. At least you had Alex this year as a distraction so help you move away from your love for your childhood friend.
You felt terrible, leading the boy on. It was selfish and you were a horrible person, and you knew that. Lily knew that.
But you ignored it, you ignored the guilty feeling when he smiled at you. The nagging voice in the back of your head when he kissed you. And you too, like Remus, pretended you didn’t notice. It was easier than having to acknowledge the harsh realities of his non existent feelings for you.
“I’m sorry, what do you mean your going home?” Lily instantly gave her disappointed gaze, God you felt sorry for her future children if they had to deal with that. At least you could bond with your future nieces and nephews about it, hey?
“Alex is really tired from the game- ” Said person pinched your hip as he knew you were lying. “-so we’re going to watch a movie and get some food in.”
Caught in a staring match with her you didn’t see Sirius walk up next to you.
“Aw yes. I don’t think I could go another second out here, ordering food in sounds like a great idea.”
His hair was ruffled and he had a suspicious red mark beginning to form behind his ear that you, and you assumed Alex, could see whilst stood next to him.
“No, Sirius it was just-” Alex joined in and began to defend your plans together.
“No it sounds like a great plan, let’s go.”
Remus had interrupted you and when you looked towards him, he was already looking at you. Well rather he had his hard gaze directed towards your boyfriends hand on you hip.
Again no matter how long you had been with Alex, Remus would always find be moody and find something to glare at. Alex however, no matter how hard you tried to avoid the pda in front of your fellow werewolf, would always end up doing something to piss Remus off.
It was an endless cycle. Frankly, you couldn’t tell which one of them started it and you didn’t want to have to have to choose between because you knew your answer.
You knew who you would pick.
You didn’t even have to think about it.
Both of you began protesting telling your friends it was okay, they really didn’t have to join.
Lily gave you a smug smile. “Nonsense, I’ve gotten quite tired of not spending any time with my best friend.”
“Alright everyone let’s go. Our humble abode awaits.”
Looking back on that night, it had been a weird one.
Lily and Remus had both been acting particularly weird and you couldn’t tell why - for either of them.
Neither of them would let you or Alex retreat to your room, both adamant on keeping you in the living room with everyone else.
Remus specifically was very against it, you don’t know why. You and Alex weren’t going to do anything in particular in your bedroom, but anytime you got up his gaze would dart to your conjoined hands and his jaw would clench before protesting.
You were both just tired and wanted to sleep, he had had a long match and well you, you were literally just tired. There was no funny business happening there.
Anyways that long night had since passed and it was the beginning of summer.
The summer before your last year at Hogwarts and the nostalgia had began to hit you. You were currently sat on a rock on the side of the hill you and your friends were on.
The sun was beginning to set and the view. Well, you had never in your life ever seen anything so gorgeous.
You took a deep breath in before exhaling slowly, shutting your eyes for a moment.
It has been a long year, one that you’d hoped to forget. With Alex and Remus’ weird rivalry and then Remus’ fangirls. Lily’s weird behaviour and well… really just everything.
You heard soft steps moving towards you as some one situated themselves next to you.
It was Remus, you could tell from his deep voice.
You kept your eyes closed.
“Whatcha doing here, by yourself?”
Keeping a neutral expression you replied. “Just thinking about stuff.”
You opened your eyes and stopped leaning back in your hands, sitting up straight. Pulling your knees into your chest, you wrapped your arms tightly around your legs whilst placing your head on you knees and faced him.
“How much of an idiot all of my friends are.”
He smiled and scrunched his nose. Since it had gotten warmer and was now summer he had more freckles appearing on his cheeks, a new one under his eye and another on the tip of his nose.
“Hey, that’s what we were all thinking about you.”
You chuckled and raised your brows at him. “Sure, sure.”
He moved closer towards you and glanced at your face.
“So, where you going this summer? You leaving me alone again then?” His cheeky smile lit up his whole face, all but his eyes. You knew him so well you knew all of his expressions, bad and good.
“Nowhere actually. I told my mum I was staying here for the summer. Needed to spend time with my best friends.”
“Did you mention me? That was probably what convinced her.”
Your mum loved Remus. You don’t know why particularly, well you knew why you liked him, wasn’t too sure about your mum though. But he dangled this fact above your head as often as you could and it drew you mad.
“Yes definitely, that was the main reason why.” You gave him a mocking smile and looked down at the rock you were sat on, scratching your nails on it.
He was the reason why you were staying, he couldn’t fault you for for lying there.
“Shush, you really staying then?”
The smile he gave you was one of the smiles that made you fall in love with him, it was so pure and innocent. He looked unburdened by the stress of his secret. He looked beautiful.
“Alright then. We can finally do everything I had planned to do last year. Do you still like the beach?”
You answered him and he smiled letting out a laugh.
“Of course, who doesn’t like the beach?”
“Sirius.” You chorused together with a smile.
“The sand gives his delicate skin a rash, you know.”
His comment made you laugh loudly.
God, you had missed this. Your banter had kind of died down the last couple of months, the both of you had been caught up with school and hadn’t had the chance to catch up with one another.
And that was were you both remained for the rest of the night.
Until the sun disappeared and the starts shone brightly you both sat on that rock and talked for hours, your friends leaving you both to your own devices.
It was something you had missed greatly, missed him.
The summer was going to be good. You had Lily and Marlene. All the marauders, Remus. You had to make the most of it all while it lasted.
“Look- a shooting star. Make a wish”
Hours had gone by since you had both started speaking and you hadn’t even noticed the sun go down until the boy sitting next to you had pointed it out.
You closed your eyes and made your wish.
When you opened them again Remus’ wide gaze was on you.
“What’d you wish for?” He asked you this every time and every time you had the same answer.
“If I tell you it won’t come true.”
Then he would complain about it and say that wishing on a star was just a concept, not magic related.
Then you would interject that folk tradition says that shooting stars are when gods have their eyes on Earth; they listen to people's wishes and make them come true.
He would then say ‘God’s aren’t real’, and you would argue that ‘if magic is real, why can’t God’s be?’
This debate then could last hours between the two of you but it would never get old.
Your wish had been that that night wouldn’t never end. Sadly the sun listens to no one and rose again the next morning. However, you had no recollection of how you’d gotten home or in your bed or who had tucked you in.
But you remembered a featherlight kiss on your forehead and someone stroking your hair before you fell into a deep sleep.
And you definitely remembered the smile on your face as you drifted off.
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