nevaehporter

[nevaehporter]

nevaeh swore she felt her heart stop when the lights went out. she wasn’t really sure if she believed in things like omens, but this sure felt like one. things at the game had been going mostly okay, by recent st. etienne standards. she sat with her fellow student government colleagues, smiling as people dropped in notes for the memorial, although there were far fewer than expected. she thought the game was the school’s way of getting their mind off of everything, and nevaeh thought it might’ve been working. until the blackout. she didn’t know how she knew, maybe it was her intuition or maybe it was just plain paranoia, but she knew that it had something to do with the death. when the lights came back on, and one of their own was sent away in handcuffs, 

she didn’t know what to think. she nodded at the other members of the student government as grabbed her bag. she was about to head away from the game, as far from it as possible when she noticed inseong sitting on the bleachers. she had always thought he was a somewhat nervous person, maybe that’s why they got along, because they had that in common. but this was at a level she had never really seen from him. she put down her bag and sat next to him. she put her hand on his leg to let her know that she was there. “hey,” she said, after a few moments of silence. “do you need anything or do you just want to sit here?”

when the lights flickered out, he had all reasons ( and good ones ) to think he should’ve stayed home instead. as if the pseudo-walk-of-shame featuring the eyes of the entirety of st.etienne wasn’t enough already, now there was this whole drop of any form of illumination that was worthy of being counted as one of horror movies’ biggest and most used trope…and he wanted none of it. he clearly was on the verge of panicking but he was keeping himself planted on his spot on the bleachers, bottling everything inside because objectively, no one would care for someone who was constantly being put at the same level with ( accidental ? ) murderers. he was pretty sure he could even drop dead himself and no one would give a flying shit –nails digging against his upper arms and teeth biting his lower lip so hard it started bleeding, feeling a deafening ring to his ears that wanted him to crawl as far as possible from that place –that town, even.

[nevaehporter]

“ do you ever get scared ?”

“ if you asked me this last year, i would’ve said yes. i get scared at things like people coming into the room and me not realizing or just thinking about my future and thinking about my life. you know, normal things to get scared about. now? god, literally everything scares me. i get scared of shadows around corners and every time i get a notification, i can’t help but wonder, ‘ is it me this time? ’ i’m scared that the ashmont pd is never going to catch whoever is doing all of this. i get scared of closing my eyes because that’s when the nightmares start, i get scared that i’m never going to feel okay again. because honestly, how could i? how could any of us? ordinary things, things that i used to not bat an eye at, now make my heart beat out of my chest. i get scared of places i used to call home and people that i thought i knew. ”

[nevaehporter]

12 , 51, 30

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours 

“yes, there were a couple of times i did this for school reasons. and then there have been times more recently in which i’ve done it in order to avoid going to sleep.”

51. favorite food

“i really love anything that my grandmother made. she was filipino and she just made the best food. i really loved her lumpias.”

30. what’s irritating you right now?

“the fact that i’m terrified to be alone but also don’t want to be around anyone at the same time.”

[nevaehporter]

wheel of fortune, the hanged man, the devil

wheel of fortune: first three songs that come on shuffle?

idontwannabeyouanymore by billie eilish, tiny victories by christina perri, youth by daughter.

the hanged man: favorite movie soundtrack?

“this is just because it’s one of my favorite movies that i’ve watched recently, the edge of seventeen. oh, and the juno soundtrack.”

the devil: do you enjoy thunderstorms?

“i honestly have mixed feelings about them. they’re so powerful and sometimes i can find myself relating to them but they’re also so loud sometimes that i end up getting overwhelmed by the noise. which again i can relate to.”

[nevaehporter]

Send “slurred words” to hear my muse describe yours whilst ridiculously drunk.

[nevaehporter]

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[nevaehporter]

🌺 Tell me a preconeption/headcanon you have for one of my characters... 🌺

And I’ll rate how accurate it is on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being way off and 10 being basically canon!

[nevaehporter]

☀️🌙✨ tarot questions ✨🌙☀️

the fool: do you have any nicknames? the magician: have you ever written a poem or song about somebody else? the high priestess: what is your dream date? the empress: do you think you will ever get married? the emperor: what are some names that you like? the hierophant: do you believe in ghosts? the lovers: do you have a crush? the chariot: thoughts on astrology? strength: what is your dream occupation?  the hermit: what is your favorite soda pop? wheel of fortune: first three songs that come on shuffle? justice: favorite color of rose? the hanged man: favorite movie soundtrack? death: what are three things you want to do before you die? temperance: can you describe a strange dream you’ve had? the devil: do you enjoy thunderstorms? the tower: favorite colors to wear? the star: have you ever seen a psychic? the moon: have you ever written a love letter? the sun: do you believe in magic? judgement: do you enjoy school? the world: do you like waking up early?

[nevaehporter]

eyes-on-me-please‌:

There wasn’t a lot that Alice had to say to Nevaeh. She was mostly too embarrassed by everything to talk to the other girl. Her ego had been bruised severely, and so had her heart. It was Alice’s fault, really, for opening herself up again. She wasn’t ready. Maybe she never had been. Maybe she never would be.

“It’s not-” she hesitated. It’s not you. “I just can’t.” She couldn’t talk about what had happened, couldn’t put into words the scene that was playing on a loop behind her eyelids. Maybe it was about Nevaeh a little bit. She wasn’t someone Alice felt comfortable crying in front of, and if she were to talk about it, crying would be inevitable. One corner of her mouth flickered upwards at the thought of flyers. They would probably look nice, if Nev had made them. Alice shuffled her feet a little, an uncharacteristic display of self doubt. She wanted to say something, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted a response. Still, she wasn’t sure when she would see Nevaeh again, at least up close. Alice didn’t think she’d ever be able to work up the courage to ask again. So she took a deep breath, looked Nevaeh right in the eyes, and asked sincerely, “Did you think I was stupid?”

Nevaeh honestly thought she would never see Alice again. The other girl had gone to such severe lengths to ignore Nevaeh’s calls and texts, and to avoid her, that she figured Alice must’ve had it down to perfection. But there they were, standing across from each other, something so unlikely. Then again, Nevaeh never thought she would find herself tangled up in Alice’s sheets. 

“Yeah,” was the only word Nevaeh could say. Because she did understand. Talking about it was hard, especially when you felt it everywhere and you felt it so much. As much as the art gallery incident had traumatized her, she couldn’t imagine finding a dead body. It probably would’ve broken her more than the art gallery did. Nevaeh tilted her head as she saw Alice’s mouth turn slightly upward. She wasn’t sure if she was smiling or not, but it was a smile she hadn’t seen in so long. One she could see in Instagram pictures and when she closed her eyes. She frowned as Alice asked her question. “Why would I think you were stupid?”

[nevaehporter]

eyes-on-me-please‌:

Alice frowned. She had made a mistake. She had spent the past year avoiding Nevaeh and she was pretty sure she could have made it to graduation. But it was too late now. Talking to Nevaeh just made her sad. It stung, in the same way Daisey’s laughter had stung. Because she was sure Nev had never really liked her, never cared. Like everything in Alice’s life, it was all about Daisey. She could barely think about it without feeling the need to throw up. She knew she wasn’t innocent in this. Far from it. But Alice had never lied about her intentions or how she felt. 

“No, I really don’t.” She wasn’t even sure why she brought Nate up. It was the only thing she could really think about. All roads seemed to lead back to him. But she didn’t want to talk about it. Not here, not now. Not in public. And not with someone she trusted as little as she trusted Nevaeh. But something about her seemed so fragile, Alice felt guilty for using a harsh tone. As much as she no longer bought the idea that Nev was nothing but innocent and kind, there was still a gentleness to her. “Sorry,” Alice mumbled. “About the gallery.” She had heard the screaming, and even though Alice hadn’t known who the sound was coming from, you could hear the terror in their voice from inside. Though they weren’t exactly comparable, it seemed they had both seen remnants of frightening things Daisey’s killer had done. “We could start a club. People who have found messed up things left by a homicidal psychopath.” Alice had no idea just how big that club would be. 

Nevaeh wished she could turn back time and freeze it. She wanted to stay in the moment in the beginning. When everything was fun and easy. Because now, it felt like everything hurt and nothing about this was fun or easy. She had an inkling of an idea of why Alice was hurt but she never got confirmation on it. Being the overthinker she was, Nevaeh went through mindless scenarios. The only logical one was that Alice didn’t like her as much as she said she did and Nevaeh liked her too much.

“Yeah, okay, I get it.” Nevaeh did get it but that didn’t make her flinch a bit any less. It was so odd to hear Alice’s voice again, after trying to forget it for so long. After trying to tune it out like ringing in her ears that never would quite go away. But that tone was one she never remembered the blonde using and Nevaeh was a little taken aback by it. And maybe a little hurt. She wished she could do something to comfort Alice, but there wasn’t much she felt like she was allowed to do anymore. They started off as acquaintances, turned friends, turned more, and now she wasn’t even sure if there was a word for what they were other than nothing. She let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I’ll put up flyers.”

[nevaehporter]

amber, quilt, pumpkin

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

“i don’t know if this is unpopular or not but i wish people would stop shitting on things people like just in an attempt to be funny or whatever. like yeah, people can be cringey or whatever, but if they’re having fun and not hurting anyone, who cares.”

quilt

answered !

pumpkin

answered ! 

[nevaehporter]

⚔️ & 😈 !

send in ⚔️ to find out what my muse’s moral alignment is

somewhere in between lawful good / neutral good 

send in 😈 to find out which disney villain my muse is

scar. 

[nevaehporter]

maple, quilt, pumpkin !

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

“my biggest hobbies are obviously art and gardening. mostly because those are what came naturally to me and those are the places where i feel the most grounded and the most okay to be as messy and fully myself as i am. i guess a hobby that i never tried my hand at is music. i’ve always loved listening to music and getting lost in lyrics and melodies, but it’s just never been something that i’ve tried because it takes such talent that i don’t think i possess.” 

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

“i take both with lots of sugar and milk.”

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

“i used to think that all humans were inherently good. that everyone was going to be nice to me if i were nice to them. i thought that if i tried to be a good person, good things would happen for me and people would respect me. that was me being naive. but honestly, after middle school, i kind of stopped believing in that. i always thought and saw the best in everyone except for myself. i would give the benefit of the doubt and endless forgiveness to everyone but myself. and i think i still do.”

[nevaehporter]

*🍻 “ who are you really? ”

“i’m still trying to figure that one out. if you ever find out, let me know. but really, yeah. i have no idea who i am sometimes. sometimes i feel so wrapped up in my own mental illnesses that i really don’t feel like i have much of a personality or identity outside of it. i’ve often felt quite lost as a person, so i…look for the lost pieces of myself in other people. maybe that’s why i get so lost in people that i fall for, because i think they can give me that missing piece of myself. but for now, i think who i am is still yet to be defined.”

[nevaehporter]

🍻 + “what lie have you told that hurt someone?”

“i… i feel like i’ve told a lot of lies that hurt people. sometimes i tell lies to myself, sometimes to other people. sometimes they hurt other people, sometimes they hurt me. i feel like one of the biggest lies that i told someone was one by omission. i didn’t tell them how i felt about another person and i think…i think that really hurt them.”

[nevaehporter]

drunken confession.

your muse is drinking with mine and has been given the chance to question my muse anything they want to know. some may be triggering, others won’t. send me a 🍻+ the question you want to ask my muse for a tipsy, drunken ( honest ) answer.

“ what’s holding you back in life ?”

“ is everything alright? ”

“ when did you choose to give up ?”

“ what’s the kinkiest thing you have ever done ?”

“ how many have you slept with ?”

“ what’s your biggest secret ?”

“ do you believe in love ?”

“ what’s the meanest thing you have done ?”

“ what scares you more than anything ?”

“ have you ever considered running away ?”

“ do you love me ?”

“ what’s your dirtiest fantasy ?”

“ who hurt you ?”

“ what made you this way ?”

“ is there anyone special in your life ?”

“ why are you always smiling ?”

“ what lie have you told that hurt someone ?”

“ if you could do anything in world, what would it be ?”

“ who are you, really ?”

“ is there anything you regret ?”

“ what’s your biggest regret ?”

“ tell me about your first kiss ?”

“ what is your deepest, darkest fear ?”

“ is there anyone you regret kissing ?”

“ have you ever cheated, or been cheated on ?”

“ what is the most embarrassing thing in your room ?”

“ who have you loved, but they didn’t love you back ?”

“ is there something you have never told anyone ?”

“ when was the last time you cried ?”

“ how come you keep running away ?”

“ have you ever made someone cry ?”

“ if anything, what makes you hate a person ?”

“ what takes for you to fall in love, trust someone ?”

“ do you believe in true love ?”

“ what have you done that people would judge you most for doing ?”

“ do you regret letting me close ?”

“ is there someone you have a crush on ?”

“ what is the strangest place you have ever had sex ?”

“ tell me your most awkward date story ?”

“ do you ever get scared ?”

“ what do you really think of life ?”

add your own for further development.

[nevaehporter]

⚡ 80s movie asks

bill and ted’s excellent adventure: are you more of an optimist or pessimist?

back to the future: which decade in the last century would you most have liked to live in?

the breakfast club: which high school stereotype do you fit into best?

ferris bueller’s day off: what’s your guilty pleasure?

footloose: who did you last dance with?

the goonies: what was the last thing to make you laugh?

the outsiders: why is your best friend your best friend?

the lost boys: would you rather be immortal or objectively beautiful to everyone?

labyrinth: what’s the relationship with your siblings like?

the karate kid: when did you last have to work really hard to achieve something you’re proud of?

stand by me: why did you last go on a road trip?

pretty in pink: what’s your signature ‘look’?

drugstore cowboy: which historical figure most spikes your interest?

ghostbusters: where were you when you watched your favourite movie for the first time?

sixteen candles: at which age do you consider a person to be mature?

dirty dancing: where were you when you first heard your favourite song?

better off dead: why did you last laugh so hard it reduced you to tears?

heathers: did you apologise the last time you were unreasonably mean?

parenthood: is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider ‘family’?

permanent record: where were you the last time you told someone you loved them?

st. elmo’s fire: what’s one piece advice you would give to someone two years younger than yourself?

dangerous liaisons: which language would you most like to learn?

rumble fish: who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

e.t.: what’s one ‘weird’ feature that you love about yourself?

young guns: what’s one style that you love on others, but would never try yourself?

oxford blues: why did you last pretend to be something you’re not?

dead poet’s society: the last time you made a decision that everyone around you told you not to make, how did it work out?