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[nevaehporter]

ofcelesticls‌:

“you know, the longer you think about it, the more FUCKED UP this seems.”

another token cryptic remark from kiki kibler, and just as ELOQUENT as ever. what she’s referring to, of course, is the vigil. she KNOWS that vigils aren’t exclusive to death  — she used to attend a candlelit christmas eve vigil every year as a child, and although she doesn’t quite consider herself to be the most devout and religious person in the world she knows that christmas eve is about as FAR from death as christian holidays get  — but it certainly FEELS a lot like daisey is G O N E.

kiki knew that daisey was popular  — she had been since they were children, after all  — but even SHE is nearly in a state of shock at just how many people seemed to come out of the woodwork to congregate outside of the rutherford library. there’s even a news van parked a few feet away, cameras rolling to capture every second of the vigil that unfolded. it makes her wonder how many people are there to actually, as the university put it, COME TOGETHER AND PRAY, and how many are there out of the sheer desire to be INVOLVED in something. she can’t fathom that there’s any way that ALL these people actually know daisey, or even care about her enough to pray for her safe return. 

for a moment, kiki is twisted with the guilt that maybe SHE isn’t there for the right reasons. after all, it had been a lifetime since she was close with daisey. she wasn’t the little girl who, nervously, would tuck a meticulously folded letter into daisey’s elementary school locker, anymore. and daisey CERTAINLY wasn’t the girl who wrote her letters back, adorned with puffy stickers of unicorns and puppies and i’s dotted with hearts. but daisey is nev’s friend. she’s thalia’s cousin. she’s zola’s roommate. kiki is there for THEM just as much as she is for daisey. 

“the pictures, the flowers, the media coverage. they’re treating her like she’s already DEAD, and they’re trying to CAPITALIZE off of it. it’s fucked up, right?”

“it’s already really fucked up,” nevaeh said in a small voice. 

she wasn’t exactly sure how to feel at this vigil. she felt kind of out of place because she wasn’t exactly CLOSE with daisey although she desperately wished she were. like they were friendly but she wasn’t sure if daisey would consider her a friend. her feelings were bubbling up at the surface about to blow at any minute. everything was just so much heavier. it was so hard to believe that daisey was actually missing, and likely not coming back. they had all heard stories like these but nevaeh never thought in a million years that it would happen to someone she knew. someone she cared about.

nevaeh was grateful that kiki was at the vigil as well. she didn’t know if she could bare to be there alone. after the party, her mood got even more desolate and she became more catatonic. she couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that there was a possibility that daisey was gone. there was a small voice in the back of her head saying that daisey was going to show up at the next student government meeting and everything would fall back into place.

but everything felt like it was FALLING APART. every student government meeting, nevaeh stared at the empty chair where daisey should’ve been, and then her eyes would quickly glance over to the door, hoping that daisey would walk through like she had so many times before. nevaeh was getting more and more used to the idea that that wasn’t going to happen but there was still that little voice in her head, that she couldn’t seem to get rid of.

nevaeh took a deep breath, trying to center herself. after taking a deep inhale, she looked around and observed that what kiki was saying was largely true. there were news reporters, people posting about it to their instagram stories, it all seemed like it was one big spectacle.

“yeah, it's fucked up,” nevaeh said, letting a single tear stream down her face. “it feels like some people are just coming here to post about it on social media or whatever.”