neverseenever

[neverseenever]

"You handled it so well'

No, I didn't. I went insane, lost my spark, bled in silence, shattered in private, and wore a smile that lied better than any mask could.

[neverseenever]

this user still believes in love despite the betrayals

[neverseenever]

[neverseenever]

You know when I knew for sure this was right? That we were right? The night you fell asleep in my arms, your head on my chest, my one hand around holding your face, caressing it. The certainty, the surety, the love, the instinct to care and protect and be there for you was clearer than the clearest day history has seen.

But there’s a modification. In retrospect, there’s a modification. That instinct? It was there for us. Not for you above me. Not for you disregarding me. Not for you at my expense. It was for us.

I love you. But I do not put you above me. I put us above me.

That was also the night you felt I was it, right? You told me that later. That night was a night of mutual realisation of what we share and what we can build.

We.

But baby how you’ve been acting lately has done a spell on we and it’s invisible now. It’s as if we don’t exist. And I can’t seem to find any magician who can pull the trick to bring us back.

Because what I need is you. I need you to bring us back.

I will put us above me. I will a thousand times over. But I will not put you above me. And I will not wait around trying to save you and me when I see you put yourself above us consistently.

That’s not the kind of love I can be certain about. That’s not the kind of love I can fight for. That’s not the kind of love I’ve saved myself for every time I wanted to destroy myself.

[neverseenever]

it breaks my heart to know that there are so many beautiful souls out there questioning their worth because someone they loved made them feel unlovable

[neverseenever]

Love is when

Love is when you take the risk just to be with someone you love. Love is when you doubtful but still you have trust. Love is when you are in your weakest point but she/he give you strength to fight with. Love is when you in tears in the middle of your misunderstanding but still you have courage to forgive him/her. Love is when you did everything with no excuses, no expectation in return, just a plain simple reason. Love is when you are in apart but it feels you’re near together. Love is when you argue and reach the point of breaking up but still find the very first reason why you are together for so many years. Love is when she/he give up but still you prove that there is no greater than your love. Love is when you have your flaws but still tells you compliments. Love is when you in pain and gives you comfort. Love is when he/she tells you he/she will keep you for the rest of her/his heart. Love is when he ask you “will you marry me” Love is when you say I do. Love is when you stay in love together no matter how rough the road. Love is when you stay together no matter what. 

[neverseenever]

From where i would rather be today

By: Sam Johnson

[neverseenever]

A loaded bank account, a healthy relationship and a comfortable life is all I really want rn

[neverseenever]

More than 10 years na ako dito sa tumblr, mas matagal akong inactive kesa sa active. Bumabalik balik lang ako dito kasi wala lang, o minsan gusto ko lang icheck kung kilala ko paba yung mga nasa dash, o active pa din ba yung dati kong friends dito.

Pero madalas, ang nangyayari bumabalik lang talaga ako dito kapag malungkot ako, kapag broken, kapag wala makausap. Ang sarap kasi magkwento dito. May mga bagay kasi na mas kumportable ako na dito ko nalang ikwento kesa sa mga tao sa paligid ko.

Sayang no, kasi sa tuwing masaya ako, hindi ako makapag post dito, kasi siguro, masaya ako eh, may tao akong napapagsabihan ng mga kwento ko. Ang sarap siguro ibackread kung naikwento ko lahat dito yung masasayang nangyari sa buhay ko.

Takbuhan ko nalang tong tumblr sa tuwing malungkot ako.

[neverseenever]

Nakakapagod na, tangina.

Pero sige, pahinga saglit tapos laban.

[neverseenever]

sudden wave of missing you. I hope you're doing well. that you've found people you can converse with and those who can call you out on your bullshit like I did. but do a better job than me. I hope by now you're more self aware. that you feel more balanced. that the void inside of you feels manageable; I'm trying too. there are good days and then there are days I want to put my head in the oven. I would send you all this in an email but I never asked for your email address. and I'm not sure you'd want to hear any of this. I know you'd be happy to hear from me, though.

I can already picture your smiling face. you called me a smartass a few times. that's rare; many have called me smart but never a smartass. I guess with you I was able to bring out that sassy and smartassy side of me more freely. that felt nice; you felt nice. and then you stopped feeling nice. and then I started getting obsessive.

what do I think about when I think of you? I think about that morning in your home when you made me iced coffee while being so severely sleep deprived. the morning that we sat discussing poetry and going through your wedding pictures. the morning when you kissed me and I kissed you back. the morning you said a lot of shitty things. the morning I did not call you out or walk away when I should have. but more than any of that I think about innocence, I think about delusion, I think about mischief, and I think about childhood.

I wish we got to speak about our childhoods. I wish there were more conversations and more coffees and more smartass banter assigned to our destinies that crossed paths ever so briefly. But alas. I wish you're well. I wish you keep smiling irl the way you do in my head. Love and light to you. So much love and light.

[neverseenever]

“Apply for that job. Date that person. Buy that plane ticket. Move to that city. Do all the things that scare you, because they’re worth it.”

— Unknown

[neverseenever]

Laughing like idiots in bed together is a love language

[neverseenever]

“It’s become very apparent to me that the older you are the less praise you’re going to get. When you’re 3 and you paint a picture outside the lines, they give you gold stars. When you’re 10 and you score a goal, they take you out for ice-cream. But when you’re 17 and struggling to fit in, no one gives you a hug just for making it through the day. And when you’re 23 and pulling long hours at the office, no one asks if you’re alright. And you start to wonder if you are, if there’s a point to any of it. The answer is yes. Because good work, real good work that shapes your character, doesn’t need to be acknowledged. You grow in the silences, in the reflections, in the inhales and exhales that let you know you’ve made it from one moment to the other.”

— Unknown

[neverseenever]

“Apply for that job. Date that person. Buy that plane ticket. Move to that city. Do all the things that scare you, because they’re worth it.”

— Unknown

[neverseenever]

240322 Hublot Weibo update:

Lay Zhang "Green Beast Dance"

[neverseenever]

i could never delete my tumblr. it would be like someone burning their diary. it is the only thing keep those years from blurring together completely. i don't know how u girlies do it.