newcali714

[newcali714]

I do miss my friend. There are times where I wish I could call you but I feel it would be selfish of me to reach out knowing friendship is all I have to give. I hope your doing well...

[newcali714]

Real shit

Its funny i just read back on some old posts and compared them with some of the newer ones over the years... the funny thing is I write the newer ones with a sense that im wiser and more enlightened and im this new person with a better understanding of themselves, siiikkee!!... soooo i do know more about myself and I am in control of my emotions alot more than i used to be, but theres never gonna be this life changing revelation where i unlock this door to pure happiness and self peace... Truth is, im a 24 year old adult that suffers from depression and anxiety... fighting that truth is a losing battle. When you try to fix something thats unfixable it only brinks you down even more. Everytime you try to overcome it and think its gone you get excited and think you've solved it... but then it comes back and you feel even worse knowing you didnt accomplish shit lol. I dont think the key is to solve this kinda shit, the key is to find a way to deal with it and accept it. I honestly feel better when im just like "hey this shits normal, dont worry about it... ride it out it, it always ends" vs when I panic like "omg this shit again, when is it gonna end how do i stop it" ... I feel like where people go wrong is that they're ashamed of this kinda shit but it affects more people than you think and it's ok!! ... damn i should be therapist ;D,,, but like a therapist with a lot of problems,,, who needs their own therapist lmao

on a brighter note im going to georgia for 2 weeks for training yaaaay -__- lol celebrating my bday with the rednecks in the south haha. Hope i dont get lynched 😂

[newcali714]

Slightly stressed out. That lovely depression just made its routine visit 😒

[newcali714]

So things have been going kinda alright. I've always been a hard worker, literally can't compare me to any of these lazy ass kids at work. I got promoted exactly a year ago to department manager, and just took another promotion recently as a backroom supervisor :) went from a stocker to having a team of 3, and now a team of 20. Money is still bleh but I keep gaining experience that'll help me keep on moving up. I finally got the job offer I've been waiting for starting the end of this month! Deuces walmart ✌ it's been real but I can't stay here anymore. I appreciate everything I've learned here and the opportunities I've had but I gotta go. I've had some of the best times here, and have also been here during my worst times so it's kinda bittersweet but the last 2 years or so have really taken a toll on me. I'm good at my job but I hate it lol. I look forward to starting my new job and showing these mofos that I need a promotion lol. Like I've been here so long that I'm actually kinda emotional and nervous leaving -___- but move up or move out, and I moved up but now it's time to move out!

[newcali714]

Lmao daisy me rollin!!! I see what they did there!

[newcali714]

Wakawakawakawakawakawaka!!! Lmao

[newcali714]

Diplo b2b jauz and alisonwonerland ❤❤❤

[newcali714]

[newcali714]

[newcali714]

Always have a fun ass time with these kids. Probably the most fun I've ever had. Edc was perfect timing, I really needed to get out and just not give a fuck for a few days. I wanna go back. Can't wait for edc 2018!

[newcali714]

[newcali714]

Still fighting this battle

I’ve been having some trouble dealing with depression and anxiety these last few years, I have my good days and my bad. Some worse than others… lately I have this overwhelming fog of depression that just rolled it’s way back in my life. I know why for the most part, but sometimes I dont. I just get sad and cry and I dont know why. I don’t know where it stems from and I dont know how to make it stay away. It just happens and when it does there’s not much I can do, but sleep it off and hope it’s gone before I wake up in the morning… it’s the same shit I’ve been preaching for a while now, my insecurities, my family issues, the progress I’m making in life, and other miscellaneous stress… I’ve even getting a stress bald patch on the corner ove my hairline, on just one side. I know balding isn’t in my genes because my mom’s side of the family all have full heads of hair even in their old age. So, I feel like crying alot and I’m going semi bald, cool. They say don’t dread on the past but let’s face it, there’s all kinds of things in my past I wish I could change. But I can’t.. I just have to take things as they are and work for something better for the future me. Talking about it doesn’t help either. It just make me more sad, it just solidifies the fact that these stresses are in my head. I wanna be ok, I really do. But hey not everyone is perfect and I sure never claim to be… it’s just tiring. It really is, I just wish I had an answer. An answer to my questions, some closure as to why I feel the way i do, some kind of understanding of myself. Hopefully one day, and hopefully that day comes sooner than later…i feel like life is testing me,,, for what?? I have no idea, but its one hell of a test... anyway, I’m going to edc this year with some friends, I’m hoping this little getaway will relieve some of this and rejuvenate my spirits a little bit. I hope this doesn’t keep me from having a good time.

[newcali714]

So new position, finally applied for a promotion at work and got it. Comes with its added stresses and bs but eh I kinda like the challenge of it all, and I’m finally working normal human hours :) … just gotta master this and then apply for the next promotion. If I'm gonna be stuck here for a while I might as well start the climb up.

[newcali714]

Book of the week: Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

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