nicocastillo

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

He waited, and didn't let go. When he felt her relax and wrap her arms around him in return, he thought about asking her to stay. And then, as he caught the hesitant word, he decided against it. As much as he might want that, she'd never been happy here, not really. And it would be a lie, for him to want it for his own sake rather than for hers. He didn't let go, but said, into the quiet of the hug where no one could hear but the two of them, "It's out there. I know you don't believe me, but it is somewhere out there for you. And, you might not believe this either but..." Nico pulled back to look her in the eyes, with no hesitation in them. "If you want me to come with you, I will. I'd figure out how it works with the rest of my life along the way." He couldn't give her the past, his leaving town with her when they were younger would always be about a lot of things, but he could give her this, now, unequivocally. That he would leave behind his heart and his life to make it so she wasn't alone out there. He shook his head, and whispered. "I'll go with you. For no other reason. Just for you."

Elif stiffened at first, caught off guard by the sudden weight of his arms wrapping around her. She hadn’t expected the hug, not after their fight and the way he had avoided her during the basket auction. But after a second, she let herself lean into it, arms loosely coming up to return the embrace. The silence stretched between them, thick and a little too honest. It took her longer than it should have to find the word. When she finally did, it came out small, like it didn’t quite belong to her. “Yeah,” she murmured after a breath. “Happy.” But the word felt foreign on her tongue, like she was borrowing someone else's shoes, too tight in the wrong places, not made to fit her anymore. Still, she stayed pressed against her best friend for just a moment longer, hoping he wouldn’t hear the truth hiding in the quiet- that she didn’t really know what happy was supposed to feel like anymore, but she wanted him to think she did. For his sake, now that she was leaving.

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

Nico stepped out onto the porch, a dishcloth slung over his shoulder as he wiped his soapy hands off on his jeans and looked at Elif with surprise. He listened, partly prepared and tensed for whatever came his way. After a quiet moment and her words sinking in, he shook his head, slowly. Then he pulled her into a tight hug. Whatever words he had expected, they hardly mattered anymore. " I'm sorry, for everything I said." He whispered, and squeezed her tight. "All I want is for you to be happy."

@nicocastillo

"Hey, I'll be quick," She promised. The words spilled abruptly out the moment the door swung open. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see about now, but, um, you were right. I don't have anything keeping me anymore. I tried to find a reason, but I couldn't and so, I'm on my way to the bus station right now. I just... it felt weird to go without at least saying goodbye. I know I already said goodbye, but a goodbye for real. So," She let out a shaky breath as she finally brought herself to lift her head. "Goodbye Nico. I hope get everything in the world you could possibly ever want and I really wish you, Jas and Thunder the best."

[nicocastillo]

closed starter for @cantfightmoonlight (jasmine) where: the street race, right before the storm sirens

·✥·

"Okay, I know that we've got a few hours yet, but when the moon comes up, you gotta promise me you're gonna be cool with the yellow eyes." He leaned backwards on the railing as cars zipped by in the final races of the day, although he'd stopped paying attention after the third or fourth one, and was having more fun teasing his wife. "I know it's a step down, way less goth, but I'm sensitive."

[nicocastillo]

closed starter for @moonglowmagic (poppy) where: the demolition derby

·✥·

"It's kinda sweet to see her relax at one of these things." He smiled lovingly at the arena, where Jas's car was making deep and borderline violent tracks around some of the others cars. "But if we end up with another vehicle in our driveway, we're gonna have to get creative about storage, between the truck, our bikes, the RV..." Nico grinned and handed Poppy a chilled bottle of water. Dehydration and heat stroke were the top of his list for concerns—which felt nice, having the stakes set at a reasonable level instead of life and death. He might actually admit to enjoying a town event, if nothing got in the way of it, which would be a first. "You looked like you were having fun out there too."

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

Nico watched with a grin as five people tried to fit into a photo booth, complete with cowboy hats and hollering, purely in the spirit of the week. He'd gotten a flight of whiskey to taste and share with whoever showed up, but he was surprised when the person nearest to him turned out to be Ken. Taking and raising one of the glasses, he said with false consolation, "I am, but what can you do. Salud." And then pulled a face. "This rum is fucking awful."

for: @nicocastillo location: whiskey tasting

Ignoring the photo booth crowd took a little more effort than initially thought. He had no qualms with them enjoying the ridiculous town events and he did relaise he actively chose to be in a public setting but far too often he gripped onto to the glass a little to tightly as mind strayed away from simply tasting. Thankfully the barkeep moved onto finer blends, with the addition of his personal whisky favourites Ken remained in seat. But, earlier feelings about patrons annoying him didn't diminish, instead came the addition of perhaps getting a higher dose in the form of a whisky highball when a slight turn had him catch sight of Nico. "You're back."

[nicocastillo]

closed starter for @nyraxodeyer where: art in motion, rodeo inspired installation

·✥·

Nico had his best deep thinking face on, looking at a painting with his head cocked to the side. It was easily one of the top canyon paintings he'd seen in his life, though the others had mostly been postcards. Nyra stepped up beside him, and he looked to her, and then said, under his breath because he felt like galleries might have the same rules as libraries, "You think I'll get kicked out if I ask if they've got any without a horse in it?"

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

Nico laughed, and gave JC an extra squeeze for good measure before releasing him. "Always," he said, taking a handful and quickly joining in the restocking effort that seemed to be taking place. It was one of many jobs that he didn't mind doing. Putting a jar of peanut butter next to three other half-finished jars of peanut butter, knowing full well they'd probably be done in a week or so (wolves, man) he said, "It was great. I don't think I actually realized how much I needed a break." First of many, maybe. His breath caught in his throat, for a moment, before he added, "I'm glad I caught you on your own, I got something important to talk to you about, before people start running through here." He stopped putting groceries away. "My head's been pretty fucked up, you know? For a while now." It wasn't the most graceful lead in, but he had to start somewhere. "And when I was away, I got thinking about a lot of things. Things here—this place, this pack. It means something different to me now than when I came back. I want to be a part of it. But, I don't think I want to lead it, anymore." He glanced at JC, then, though he didn't really want to witness how that would land.

The grocery bag on the counter had toppled over, spilling out its contents as JC went about refilling the various cabinets. Checking the expiration dates on the less popular snacks already shelved as he went, he chucked a few stray bags into the trash before replacing them with something better. Things like this were not much in the grand scheme, he knew, but he could, at least, control them. He could ensure there was a safe place, ensure there was food. And when there was food, wolves were less likely to rummage for whatever out there in the woods. Spinning around when he heard the door, JC jumped, genuinely, before giving a sigh and returning the hug. "Hey. Welcome home, man," he said softly. "No. No. Just the usual. We manage. I hope it was great. You want some pretzels?"

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

—end.

Aysun listened thoughtfully as he spoke, because he did have a point, one she was intimately familiar with. The world was a big, bad scary place, she was raised with that thought hammered into her brain. Of course now she realized at least part of that was a scare tactic, but there was absolutely truth to it as well. Would she be where she was with her wolf if it wasn't for Lunar Cove? If it wasn't for the pack and Nico? Probably not. "I would like that," she replied with a grateful smile, always willing to learn, especially if it meant fewer surprises and more control. Her gaze flickered absently over Nico's head, catching sight of the clock on the wall. "Oh gosh, I lost track of time," she said as she got to her feet, reaching for her tote at her feet, "I'm working tonight, so I've got to get back but...thank you Nico. For all your help. And I hope you enjoy the food!"

[nicocastillo]

closed starter for @icexpackxjc

·✥·

It was late when they got back from their honeymoon, portaled safely in by Nyra right on time. Nico took the night with Jas to settle back into their house, greet the dog and take him for a walk. It was the morning after, then, before he took a slow stroll to the Den. He hadn't expected to feel so different, but it was in his steps—a lightness and surety where before there'd been tension and doubt. The air felt fresher than it had when he left, like some of the hurt he'd experienced had cleared away or been covered over with fresh summer growth. Hearing JC inside, he stopped at the door, took a beat, and entered with a slow smile. "No invasion of hunters, no evil fae, no rival pack waiting for me to get back home, huh? Did you even notice I was gone?" He went to pull JC into a warm hug and clapped him on the back.

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

"That's what I'm saying, yeah," he agreed, with a sidelong glance at her. Part of it might've been the anxiety of being away and not knowing what could happen while he was gone—that had been his general worry— but the other part, he realized now, was that in some ways he'd known that once he left, he might be tempted not to return at all. And he knew he had to, at least until he found a replacement for Alpha who wouldn't immediately turn the pack back into what it was before, or something worse. But he didn't want to think about that now. "It's not a hard promise to make," he said, grinning. He pushed all thoughts of the Cove and the pack from his head, and as he draped his arms around her waist, breathing a laugh as she smirked at him, looking so pleased with herself. "Accidentally? That's very unlike you." He leaned closer and conspiratorially added, "I know there's cliffs up ahead, I might've checked the map on purpose before we left. And I never really saw the point of bathing suits anyway. Not sure about the recreation though—I remember you being nervous about the jump, I practically had to beg you to do it," he teased.

"Oh, we should, should we?" Jas teased, turning her head just enough to glance at him from the corner of her eye with one brow raised. Though in truth, she couldn't stop smiling. Not since they stepped through the portal and the first scent of salt and rosemary hit her nose. Not since she saw the look on Nico's face when he realized they were truly and finally here. Her sandals dangled from her fingertips, forgotten, as her bare feet sunk into the warm sand. His arms around her anchored her in the best possible way, and, still her smile only grew.

“So you’re saying our honeymoon wasn’t something we should’ve postponed for a whole year?” The laugh that followed was light and breathless, as if the weight she had been carrying had lifted off her shoulders and all of the joy he had given over these past few years that had been bubbling just underneath had skin had finally been released. Draping her arms around his torso, she lifted herself up to press a kiss against his cheek, followed by another along the edge of his jaw and even another along his collarbone. It wasn’t like her to be so openly playful, so at ease, but here? With the sun setting like it was painted just for them, it felt easy to slip into the life of someone else, or maybe she was being herself, more than she’d ever allowed herself to be before. “We should do this on every continent,” She gave him a soft nod at the thought. “Even Antarctica. You’ll just have to keep me warm and if I just so happen to make this the best vacation of your life, you promise this will be the first of many? I mean it. No having to wait another year to get a moment alone with you?" She wiggled her brows temptingly over at him. "Because if you promise, then there is these cliffs up ahead. We could recreate that day when you were still new to town?" She offered. "Only this time, I might have accidentally left my bathing suit back at the airbnb."

[nicocastillo]

·✥· end.

Elif stood there, gaping over at the man who was supposed to be her best friend in complete and utter disbelief. I’m sure he wouldn’t say it out loud, especially if it was true. For the first time in her life, she found herself holding her tongue. Biting back a 'go fuck yourself' because honesty, who the hell did Nico think he was right now? He never knew Damien. He wasn't there when she had first triggered her curse. All of those months she thought she was going crazy, all of those years Damien had helped her. She would never pretend that Damien was a good guy by any means, but she had been with the man for almost four years before she agree to marry him and she almost married him. But all that time, all those years, everything she had given was apparently insignificant. She hadn't been a person, she had been a prop, and Nico could stand there and pretend that he didn't think of her that way too- that he was merely telling her a hard truth, but if honestly didn't think it even a little bit, would he really have said it?

"Yeah, what the fuck do you know?" She muttered under her breath. Her own eyes snapping up to his as she bite back. "Better than the past fifteen years of my life having not matter?! Are you fucking kidding me? If that asshole didn't give a shit about me at all, if I truly didn't matter like you're saying, then what was the fucking point of being on the run to begin with? So all of that fear and hurt and pain was for not, hm? But, oh I get it. It gets to be all your fault. The alpha who failed Kitty and me and likely everyone else. You get to live with your guilt, while you stand there and take mine from me? Fuck that and fuck you!" She swore under her breath. Her jaw remained clenched as she wiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks with the corner of her sleeve, shaking her head back and forth as he continued on.

"You know," Her gaze dropped as she tried to calm her shaky breaths to no avail. "That day, I thought you chose me. Yeah, we barely knew each other, but here was this incredible person who stuck by my side despite not having much of a reason to because he thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that was the kind of person I'd want to go to hell and back for, and I thought we did. I thought it was you and I against the fucking world. Except apparently I was just, what? An excuse to leave town when you already had one foot out the door? If I hadn't shown up, you likely would have left anyway whether it be on your own or with someone else? Did taking my side really have anything to do with your moral compass or was it just a way to rebel against your mom? Was I just some easy out?"

"That day meant everything to me and of course every day after did too, but if I wasn't a reason at all, if I was just convenient then... well, then, maybe you and Damien have more in common than either of us originally thought." The only two people who had ever defended her like that had been him and Damien. But unlike Damien, Nico had been different. He had been selfless. He had defended her to his own family and left town with her without an ulterior motive. She had been so sure of it and, yet, now- now she was wondering if she was just an idiot?

"You think I want to feel this way?" She asked from where she stood on the porch, her hand gripping tightly onto the handle of the front door. "I lost her too and I'm fucking devastated. I'm allowed to be. I didn't want to feel or be a person for one fucking day. I just wanted to stay a wolf and wallow. And yeah, I told you to go away, while you told me I was insignificant. So, maybe we're both just shitty ass friends, hm?"

She pushed past into the house and when she finally emerged, she slowly moved to slump into the seat beside him. "It looks like you," She whispered quietly back as her gaze fell to her knees. "I... I think this place is already yours. I think it has been since the day you decided to leave to come back. I knew it every time you called saying you'd be another week when we both knew you weren't coming back. I used to think you just couldn't bring yourself to admit the truth out loud yet and maybe you still can't because, yeah, it's a pretty fucked up and dangerous town you've got here, but... but you wouldn't have those friends or that wife if you hadn't stayed," She pointed quietly out. "You wouldn't have your house or your dog. And one day, who knows? You might even have little Nico's or Jasmine's running around too. It might not be where you wanted to lay down roots, but you have. And as for losing everything to this place the way your mom did, I think that's really up to you."

"I..." Her breath hitched in her throat as she slowly moved to stand up again, taking the duffle bag she had packed with her as she turned back to look at him once more. "The only thing I have left here, Nico, is you. I don't really have other friends. Not many I haven't hooked up with anyhow. And you're right. I'm not really much of a reason for them either. I thought maybe I had something with... um with Ronnie, but the moment I didn't put out, she went and found someone else, so... so I didn't grow up here. I don't have any roots and, the only reason I could think of staying, is because what I did have here was family. Was you. But if you're not a reason, then..." Then she didn't have anything. Not a job. Not a cause. Not a person. She didn't have a place to go. If there was a button she could press to erase herself from the face of the earth, she'd be fairly tempted to push it right about now. But instead, she merely tightened her hold on the strap of her bag as she told him, "Goodbye Nico."

END?

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

end.

Dhruv met his gaze but couldn't hold it for long. "I'll be fine." It didn't exactly answer the question asked, but it wasn't a lie...except it wasn't entirely truthful either. "JC said he'd help me. I'm not going to hurt others." Words were mumbled since he didn't know if he could say that with surety but tinged with a personal desperation of wanting to believe it. Doubt was a strange thing, something he hardly felt or experienced, yet after the ordeal that had to endure both the initial change and the more recent kidnapping and torture, doubt became a permanent resident in his mind.

"Let me loose? Fuckin 'ell you're proper mad. Did the drugs fuck up my brain or yours? You do realise that I've been shifting alone before I came back here, yeah? I was on my own for a long time." Having gone without a pack for so long the sudden cacophony of noises when he had shifted inside ton borders were shockingly strange and invasive too. "I get that you're responsible for things now but I didn't want what happened to me to be a thing that dragged you down..." he pointed to Nico's expression, "Like that. I never expected anyone to look for me, not even Gia was expecting to find me," he gave a hollow laugh and couldn't quite keep the sarcasm out of his voice, "But yeah beat yourself for not figuring things out and finding me sooner, that'll help everyone."

Exhaustion coloured the heavy sigh that he exhaled out, nostrils flaring a bit with residual irritation. He didn't want to argue, didn't want to fight, didn't want to even talk anymore even though so much could be said on the matter. "Yeah I fucking took help that I thought I needed at the time. I don't know what else I need man, those were what you offered and I accepted. You can't give me what I want, no one can." He scoffed lightly turning his head away. He never minded being alone, began to like it even but there was a difference to being alone and being lonely. All the voices in the pack couldn't fix loneliness. Couldn't make him better. "I'll manage," he said instead of his true thoughts. "Looking forward to it."

END?

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

"All I ask," he said, letting his shoulders drop. The fatigue of the last few weeks crouched behind his eyes, just occasionally pressing into migraine territory, but he only had to keep it at bay for a little longer. He looked at her in surprise and the expression on her face startled a chuckle from him. "I mean... kinda? Not the government, but the Council, our job is to protect the supernaturals in the community. There is a pamphlet actually, but I don't have it on me. I'm sure there's a stack of them at Town Hall. The big ones are no killing, don't change anyone without their permission, notify the Council of your species and if it changes, and don't go telling people outside the town about us."

He stopped where he was, giving her a moment to take it in. "I know it's a lot," he said, quietly. "And you probably don't want any of it, or to have to think about it, at all. But there are people who can help you figure it out, here. And personally, I love being a wolf. Wouldn't want to be anything else. There's more to it than the pain and horror... uh, government papers."

Eyeing the man, Addie cautiously took the piece of paper. There was just an address written on it. Some place safe. She wasn't sure there really was a place like that, even if people liked to pretend there was. Still...according to Ronnie, she'd attacked her. Whatever Addie became when the wolf came out was dangerous. More dangerous than most things. She folded it up and stuck it in her pocket. "I'll consider it." It was the best she could do right now. She wasn't going to make any promises. She'd stopped promising people things a long time ago.

"Wait, I gotta tell the fuckin' government I'm a fucking dog?" Addie balked, stunned. She ran a hand through her hair. No strings wasn't a real thing, but she wasn't going to point that out. It didn't matter, because she wouldn't be asking. "Jesus christ. Is there, like, a fuckin' pamphlet of all these rules?"

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

"When I say, you have it handled, I'm not talking about your personal well-being." Nico said, slowly, his words deliberate. "I'm talking about the possibility of you changing without control, hurting someone, or getting trapped in the shift. I don't believe you're in danger of that. Am I wrong?" There was a strong edge to the question. If Dhruv didn't trust himself, if he gave Nico reason to believe he wasn't as capable of self-control as he seemed to be now, then Nico's previous willingness to let him do what he felt was right would have to take a back seat. His temper spiked. "What, was I supposed to let you loose, make you deal with shifting outside of the pack on top of everything else, and just put it on hope that you were in your right mind?"

His head lowered, not wanting to meet Dhruv's eyes, and the fire went out of his voice. Good wasn't something you were, it was something you did. And it got taken for granted, sometimes. "It was never about feeling better, man, or about the rest of the pack. You got taken on my watch. I looked for you and I couldn't find you." That confession fell like a boulder in his gut. He'd tried so hard not to make it personal, to lump himself in with the rest of the pack. "Not through the bond, not through every path in and around the town, every deer trail and cave and alleyway and empty building... I didn't know there were fucking tunnels." Residual frustration rose in his voice for a moment, before settling. "And yeah, I needed to make sure you were safe after that," he said, bitterly. "To make sure you weren't going to get hurt again." He sighed, an empty and tired sound. "I can't ask or want you to stay in a situation that you're miserable in, Dhruv. And if that makes me seem uncaring, I guess that's... what it is, I dunno."

His eyebrows rose sharply. "Did you? Take my help? Because the times we've spoken, you've mostly been asking to quit the pack, no questions asked. I got Wayward House ready for you, yeah, but I was gonna do that anyway, and I gave you stitches because you needed them. But to my count, we've never actually had a conversation that didn't feel like I was getting in your way somehow." He shrugged one shoulder, arms still crossed. "You don't seem happy with the thought of being alone, so I don't know how well being a lone wolf will treat you. But I won't stop you from finding out." He turned away, ready to be done with this entire conversation. "I'll release you at the next full moon."

With the explanation came that sinking feeling again, bringing with it a bubble of frustration and anger aimed at the man before him and in some part Elif too. It wasn't blame per say, Dhruv realised enough to know these two didn't have a direct hand in Damien building a pack or attacking, but they were the reason he came to town. Thoughts were not shared nor was eye contact maintained as Nico spoke, leaving it unsaid seemed the best move lest his thoughts spill out and given where they were Dhruv didn't want to cause trouble for the family.

An involuntary scoff did rise. "I just fucking lost Kitty, bruv, still haven't pulled myself out from being tortured or found a way to cope with my cousin dying, you think I have everything in hand? Fuck off." Something fell away within him, a quiet snap that verbalised in an unexpected sharp tone. Dampening it with a slow exhale to push everything down, Dhruv continued with a faint shake of his head, "I know shit's not been easy for you either and not just with this fight and loss but ...bloody hell you say stalled as if it's meant to be a great service when reality is you just wanted time for you and everyone else to feel better about yourselves." As if he was meant to say thank you and convey his gratitude. He scoffed again at that thought. "You won't be controlling, you're a good person." But good people didn't always make good leaders. "But asking or wanting people to stay isn't controlling. Don't worry," he added quickly, "I'm not expecting you to ask me that or anything really." His mind had been made up for a while now, the slivers of hesitation that threaded through was due to JC but it still did not change his decision.

"I know you said this pack isn't always about 'family' or 'bond' and I should look to it as an aide," he said thinking to their previous conversation, "And I tried. Took yours and JC's help on things, bundled down at the wayward house thinking that maybe being around others wolves might do the trick and I learn a thing or two but it didn't help." Other factors were considered too, especially control when it came to lone wolves, which would need a lot more effort than usually to maintain focus but he get there. "I think I'll always feel like an outsider," he said slumping into himself. "Don't think it's going to benefit you or anyone if I stick around." He shrugged a little, "I'll figure things out on my own like always."

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

"I guess so," he agreed, shooting her a small grin, before tucking into the food with enthusiasm. "It's not nothing, though. It's effort, and care. And it's definitely appreciated." He felt close to happy, then, with a sunbeam cutting through the kitchen windows as he listened to Aysun and momentarily focused on nothing more than good food and better company. The Den was warm and safe, with chatter filtering in from the other rooms. This felt worth protecting.

"It comes with living anywhere, I think," Nico said with a shrug. "The outside world's dangerous, too. But here, at least, there's a sense that we can take care of each other, and out there it's pretty much pack up, or you're on your own." He watched her body language change with the question, and made of note of it, but after she explained, he nodded at her. "Totally normal. Actually it's a good sign, it means that your mind's adapting to being in two forms, using your wolf side instead of fighting against it. A lot of people don't get that far, and a lot of them stop there, but if you want to work on control, I have some tricks I picked up over the years for sensing when that impulse is hitting and even holding it off a little, until you're ready to shift. It's a good skill to have, I'd be happy to teach you if you'd like."

She didn't miss the brief look of surprise that crossed Nico's features, and for a short second she misread it as a bad thing. If the silence went on for even a beat more she might've started spiraling over the simple act, but thankfully he took the container from her and offered a grin that told her her overthinking was for naught. "You really do," she replied with an awkward chuckle, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly, "I guess when you do it often enough it becomes second nature." That and the fact that Aysun had something of a talent for noticing things about people they often didn't even realize about themselves. It was a skill that stemmed from her wallflower tendencies, being on the outside looking in meant she was a great people watcher even if she wasn't so great at actually interacting with them. "But um, it's nothing- you're welcome."

When he moved to the kitchen island to sit and start eating, Aysun mirrored him, slipping onto a stool herself. She hummed at his answer, clearing her throat in turn. The scars were hard to miss, the ones on his skin and the ones you couldn't see. "You and JC both are good at looking after people," she said after a beat, offering what she hoped was a reassuring smile, "it's...something of a shame that you've had to have so much practice doing it, but...I suppose it comes with living here?" At the question turned on her, Aysun cleared her throat again, shrugging a slender shoulder. "It's...different. You know, hearing the voices in my head, being able to communicate through thoughts- I don't think I'm quite used to it yet," she said with an airy laugh, "the shifting is getting...easier. Compared to before, at least. I- when I shifted that night...I didn't even feel it. I...honestly wasn't even planning on it, I just, I saw someone I- I saw a friend about to get hurt, one second I had two feet, the next I had four. That's...never happened before. It's always been an intentional thing...is that...normal...?"

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

Most of the time, Nico didn’t mind it if people misread him. He stayed firm in the conviction that his actions would clarify anything about him, in time. But most people also didn’t matter to him the way Elif did. It was harder to breathe, facing an unfamiliar rage in her eyes. And he knew what he’d meant by what he’d said. But that didn’t matter if it didn’t reach her. He may as well have been staring at a sheer cliff face, as insurmountable as getting his point across could be.

“He didn’t have to say it with words, he said it with what he did, with the way he treated you.” Nico said back. “I’m sure he wouldn’t say it out loud, especially if it was true.” It would have gone against the picture Damien tried to paint of himself, the suit he wore to lead people and make them believe him. “But what the fuck do I know? Maybe you were the most important thing in his life. Maybe he genuinely loved you, and he needed you.” Nico shook his head, a sharp swing, and he couldn't stop the anger in his voice. “Is that what you want? For it to all have been because of you? To be the reason some asshole hunted you down and terrified you and hurt you? Is that better?”

“You want credit for something?" Nico snapped. "How about— not my leaving home with you." He let out a scoff. "We barely knew each other then, Elif." He was literally shaking with adrenaline. "But what about every day we spent together, after that?" He jabbed a finger at her, overcome with the ache of it, the feeling like it was somehow less important, because she hadn't ruined his life. It wasn't fair. "I chose to stick with you, because of you. Every morning, for ten years, I woke up and actually wanted to live my life." Pulling back, he wished he had somewhere to retreat to, somewhere else that wasn't yelling at his best friend in front of his dead parent's house. "But maybe that doesn’t matter as much as some—some world-shattering horrible thing? Maybe it doesn't matter to you that I was happy and that it was your fault. But it matters to me.”

He collapsed back onto the steps. Bitter bile rose in his throat at the reminder of Kitty. He couldn’t deny that he felt responsible, any more than she could, he supposed. But there was a difference, not only in what he owed the wolves in his pack, but in the way he was trying his best to deal with that, even now. “I don’t want to feel that way. And I came here, to you, to ask for your help. I was trying to do better—” His voice broke. “You told me to go away.” Maybe he’d gotten too used to relying on her, especially when things got emotional. It wasn’t really fair, but it hurt to have that certainty pulled away.

She pushed past into the house and he sat on the steps, just listening to his own pulse in his ears. Gradually that faded, and he could hear the shuffling from inside, and the humming buzz of insects in the woods, birds and small animals uninterrupted in their daily work despite his own world crumbling nearby.

He rested his head on the wooden banister, one that he’d done his best to reconstruct after he’d destroyed it. It would never be as good as it was before.

Elif’s footsteps emerged from the house, and he felt her sit beside him, with a bag. Dully, he thought, good. It’d be better if they just let go. He’d never have to worry about her jumping into a fight for him, getting herself hurt or killed in some horrible way that he could've prevented, if she put some distance between them. At least it wouldn't be his fault. The cowardice in that stung, and felt truer than any bravado he could've put on in that moment.

As she spoke, he let the words wash over him. He knew that it was true, deep down. She’d always cared, so much more than he could bring himself to. After a moment, he reached out and lifted the small wolf carving from her palm, turning it over and looking at the lines of it’s face, made with more feeling than skill, maybe, but all the best things were. “It looks like us,” he said, quietly.

Nico sighed then, and couldn’t look at her, just holding the little wooden wolf in his palm, so tight his knuckles whitened around it. “I’ve been trying to love this town. For a really long time. Sometimes I think… I get close.” He gazed out at the blurred shapes of the trees in budding leaf, as familiar to him as the shoreline, the salt air and the bustle of people around the Town Green. “Someone will say something kind, or do something good they didn't have to, or I’ll have a moment to stop and rest, and it feels less like a cage? I wanted to make it better, for you, for the pack. That’s what I’ve been trying to do.” Nico glanced back at the house behind them, the new sign by the door he’d installed that read lone wolves welcome. “But... since I've come back, I’ve been kidnapped, tortured, beaten and electrocuted, orphaned... Had my friends die, my wife threatened and put under dark magic spells, almost been killed myself a few times..." His voice lowered, and grew bitter. "Making the best of it? Trying to make things better, pretending like there’s a way out of this? It all feels like a bad joke. I don’t want to fit in here, not the way it is now. I don’t want to lose everything to this place, the way my mother did. But it seems like that's what it takes, to feel like it's mine.”

He ran a hand over his face, pulling himself together. "If you're going, go. If you're staying, then stay. But don't let me be the reason for either. I don't want that." I'm not worth your life.

Elif’s jaw clenched, a muscle ticking beneath her dirt-streaked skin. The pained expression behind her eyes didn’t falter. If anything, it deepened and darkened as though his words continued to scrape at raw wounds that hadn't quite scabbed over. Her fiery gaze locked onto his, unflinching and unrelenting. And when she finally spoke, her voice was tight and poignant.

Damien was wrong. Believe that’s what you are, I’m sure his ghost will fucking love that. "Only, Damien and I weren't the ones who said it," She snarled back. He was. Her best friend was the only to point out how truly insignificant she was.

"So, I'm not a trophy. I just don't matter, is that it?" Her jaw tightened as she continued on. "Not a reason, not a cause. Just a person whose too insignificant for her own exe whose been tracking her down for years to give a shit about her. Too unimportant for anything to actually be my fault. You said it yourself. You didn't leave town for me. I wasn't a reason. I just, what? Showed up at the right place at the right time? How could I ever think anything in my life was because of me? I'm just a person of little to no value, hm?" Her eyes began to shimmer, the first sign of tears gathering despite the blaze still burning behind them. She didn’t blink, didn’t look away, even as the weight of everything she’d buried began to surface all at once. The rage held her upright, but it couldn’t stop the ache that twisted in her chest or the way her breath caught, just once, like her body was trying to hold back a dam already cracking.

And in a twisted way, a trophy seemed like it was almost better. At least a trophy was something sought after. Someone coveted and worthy to be shown off. While she was what? Not a cause. Not a reason. Simply there like the specs of dirt clinging to her bare skin. She stared him down, unmoving and unyielding, letting him see every ounce of pain and fury etched into her face as she turned the conversation back on him.

"Like you?" She scoffed. "You're the king of it's my burden to bare! You get to feel like you let Kitty down. Like you let me down and the pack. Like you weren't strong enough. Like you made the wrong calls. But, not me. Why? Oh wait, I know. It's because you're not 'just a person'. You're 'the alpha' whatever the fuck that means. Only if you actually acted like more of a person rather than some 'leader', let us help you and relied on us too, then maybe you wouldn't hate the job so much."

Loyalty wasn't a cop out. Loyalty was love. In life, no matter what happened, sometimes all you needed was someone to be there for you no matter what. To know that there would always be someone who had your back at the end of the day. That you'd never be alone. Loyalty was family. It was the thing that had kept her going when everything else had fallen apart. Elif had given it to Nico, not blindly because it was easy, but because something in her gut had always told her he was worth it. That he deserved it and she never needed a reason beyond that. But, now there was doubt crawling under her skin. She had always thought that they had been equally loyal to each other. That it was them against the world. He had given up everything to go with her, only now she knew that he already had one foot out the door and, if she had never come to Lunar Cove, Nico's story probably wouldn't have been all that different. So, what did that make her other than a fool?

I’ll always be here to fight anyone who thinks you’re less than you are.

"Then you should look in a mirror," She side stepped around him, pushing past him to make her way into the Wayward house. She made a beeline straight to the bedroom she had taken over. She yanked a tank top over her head, continuing to hastily tug on some clothes, buttoning up a pair of jeans, before she moved to begin shoving things into the empty duffle bag that had been sitting on the foot of her bed all this time. She had spent weeks staring at the empty bag, unable to bring herself to put one thing inside of it. Not that she really had much to begin with, but she had been a coward. Too afraid to leave or even make a move. How could she when the only family she felt like she had was here? Only, now, shoving what little belongings she had in felt uncomfortably easy. In a matter of minutes, she had packed up her entire life into essentially a gym bag.

Elif gave the room one last sweep, the final zip of her bag echoing louder than it should have. All that was left was the tiny wooden wolf on the windowsill, if it could even be called that. It was misshapen, barely resembling any creature at all, more blob than beast, with a crooked smile carved where its snout should be and the letters BFFL scratched unevenly into the bottom. She’d made it for Nico months ago, whittled it late one night with numb fingers and too many feelings, but she’d never given it to him. It was ugly in a way that made her once laugh. It was quirky and stupid and hers. Now, though, as she stepped onto the porch, the air cool against her skin, she dropped her bag with a soft thud beside the steps.

Wordless, she lowered herself beside him. "I used to say the same about you." Not just family, but her hero. She had raved about him to far over half the town. He was the best person in the world. The only person who had ever stayed. Her best friend. But, he was wrong about her. "I came here for you." She had been attacked by a hunter and she had been scared. She liked to pretend that she was strong enough to take on the world with her two fists alone, but that was a lie and she knew it. She couldn't protect herself from the hunters all on her own. So, she came here to the town she had been run out of, not because it was a so called 'safe haven' or because the hunters couldn't reach her, but because he was there. Her family and, when she had felt like she had no where else to turn to, she went looking for home. Not a place, but the one person who had always made her feel accepted and safe. "I could have gone anywhere. Anywhere in the whole world. But, I didn't, because you were here and I wanted to go home." She moved to whip at her eyes as her tears slowly began to fall. Her shoulders barely brushing his as held the little wolf out in her open palm. "Only I don't know if I belong here." She thought she belonged where ever he was, but what if she had been wrong?

"I don't think I do. Not with this town. Not with the pack. I only join because of you, but the butt of the joke is that I don't really have anywhere else to go." And not because she might be shot down by hunters the second she stepped over the mirage, but because she really didn't have anybody else out there to go to.

[nicocastillo]

·✥·

Nico released the clasp on Thunder's collar with a click, and the hound trundled off to poke his nose around the wooden fences surrounding each enclosure. The alpha let out a soft laugh at Lara's words, and nodded. "I suppose it isn't. I'll keep that in mind. It might be nice to be around a sheep and not eat it—" The words escaped before he realized they might be worrying, and swiftly backpedalled like his life dependant. "I wouldn't here, of course—I've got food at home," he rushed to reassure her, or maybe himself, that he wasn't about to start picking off stragglers from the herd.

He could imagine it had probably been a pretty big adjustment for her not to have the safety of a pack after she left Damien, and not a comfortable one. But he took her words to mean she had herself covered, and since she'd been here he hadn't run into any problems with her on the full moons. So he just took her at her word and nodded, and said, "Well... I won't take up more of your time. My number's on the folder, if you get a chance to take a look and fill in the blanks at all in the next few days, that'd be great." He added, after a beat. "And, uh...I guess I just wanna make sure you know you have options here. How you want to live, it's up to you, not anyone else." It was vague, but he meant it. He gave slight shake of his head, wry, and turned to head out. "As long as I'm around, at least." A reply wasn't expected or needed, and it was hardly the authoritative welcome to their territory he was supposed to give, but he thought it should be an honest expression of where he stood, at least.

"He should be fine," she said. "My horse doesn't spook, and most of the animals here are used to dogs. The owners have a couple." Farm dogs, mostly, made for herding and working, though Lara didn't spend much time with them, just knew them enough not to walk around.

Lara hummed. "It's never too late to start." It's hard to tell if she's offering him a genuine suggestion or if she's making a tease. Her facial expression don't give her away too much. She considered his offer, her head tilted ever so slightly. "I have means," she told him, though the way she tensed at the mention of the chains was likely answer enough to what those means were. Perhaps they would not always be a necessity. They hadn't been, until recently. Lara wasn't new at this. New to being without a pack, yes, but she was familiar with being a wolf. It just made her so angry. "They are last resort," she told him.