nightfallsupon

[nightfallsupon]

I believe the people who abuse people enough for them to take their own lives should be held to account for murder. Because they might not have knotted the noose, but they were holding the pen that persecuted them, and they did speak the words that emotionally assaulted them to the point where they no longer wished to keep breathing. I'm just saying if I had done it, I'd have wished for people to be held responsible, and I'm not going to because I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU ALL THE SATISFACTION. X

My boyfriend took his own life, and I believe people should have been held responsible for their complacency. The doctors who gave him drugs that he became addicted to, then not enough of them to stop the excruciating withdrawal every morning. They killed him.

Mental Health system is some deeply demonic shit. I'm going to be responsible for burning it to the ground.

[nightfallsupon]

God, I call down immediate righteous judgment on this situation. I call it down now.

[nightfallsupon]

Last year I have a real fear that my nurse Teresa was trying to arrange to get me put into a secure unit.

My intuition sensed that something bad was happening because of her.

While I was on the phone to the supermarket customer service, they ended the call with the word Ashburn. It was really weird, and I know that Ashburn is a psychiatric unit in Dunedin.

I'm going to sound so paranoid saying this but I believed they were watching me online and through the cameras here. I held up a note to the security camera in the lounge and the red light was suddenly turned off.

I thought they were going to take me away.

When I had an injection, Teresa turned up with two extra people. One man waited by the van as if he was waiting to get me if I ran away and another woman came inside with Teresa. When Teresa gave me the injection she already knows I don't want to see the needle because its terrifying for me and this time she deliberately flashed it in front of me as if to get a reaction from me in front of the other woman. After it I couldn't breathe properly, and I hyperventilated. It really felt like something might have been different with what drug they gave me. I honestly couldn't breathe. This has never happened before.

This was at the same time that they took advice from the abusive house manager here (I am in transitional housing) and my abusive estranged family and increased the dose to max every three weeks. It's like they wanted to cover their backs with trying to find things wrong with me to get me put away for good.

I'm honestly terrified, and if it is true, the fact that they're able to monitor me in my home and through my phone is a massive overstepping and manipulation. If I ever go missing, just know that it's not because I hurt myself. It's because someone wanted to hurt me.

[nightfallsupon]

If you could just ask me this one question, it would answer everything.

"Did they help you to feel better at all during those 13 years?"

My answer would be:

No. I felt a thousand times worse and in a thousand times more pain than after mental health entered my life.

And what is "mental health" if it is not to feel better?

It is truly nothing.

[nightfallsupon]

"You can be soft and still survive the fire, you can be broken and still hold the light,"

- r.m. drake

[nightfallsupon]

It wasn't just a phase. It wasn't a sickness.

I still believe it 13 years later.

[nightfallsupon]

I can't. I can't feel. The very nature of human existence and I can't.

[nightfallsupon]

Update:

They are now drugging me every three weeks the max dose. I am hugely upset and in a lot of pain because I can no longer cry. The storm rages but the tears won't fall. I feel the pain trapped in my head and I got a headache last night from needing to cry but not being able to.

I have had and have some very manipulative people in my life. Chris who I thought was a friend, when I confided in him that I was getting so weak I couldn't make it up the stairs to cook for myself, he called mental health on me then walked out of my life and emailed to never contact him again. I did nothing wrong but ask him to buy me some food, but it seems this was beyond his limits. I believe he is a narcissist, and he caused things to get much worse for me.

Then there is Rodger, who is the house manager here who barely knows me, yells at me verbally abusing and treating me so badly. For example he came into my bedroom took photos and when I said he couldn't do that he said he can do whatever he wants. I went upstairs to make food one day and used the upstairs toilet. Rodger appeared out of nowhere and told me it was weird that I used that toilet when I had my own?? I find this behaviour deplorable, and it has been extremely stressful being spoken to in the way he seems to think is appropriate to speak to me. He has also been in communication with mental health and because he dislikes me has been making my life harder with them telling them I am still unwell and getting them to raise the dose to an absolutely unbearable level.

I am struggling just to survive as it seems there is always room for things to get much worse. I am entirely lost for how to defend myself from these attacks, and it seems these people and mental health do not have my best interests at heart. They turn up to my house whenever they want, knocking on my bedroom door without warning. It is highly invasive and stressful to have to live this way. I have been mistreated by these people for years, and it seems anything I say or do falls on death ears. They do not listen to me. They listen to others who hardly know me, and it is exhausting keeping up this fight when I am not being heard. I am not afraid to admit this. I don't think I'm going to survive this ill treatment for very much longer. I'm at a complete loss for how to move forward when I find myself entrapped in this body and situation without anyone to advocate for me, stand up for me, and also there being no one that polices these people; the psychiatrists and the nurses. I have tried to call the police but no one is taking any responsibility, and no one listens to the woman who is labeled mentally unwell. The truth doesn't seem to matter in any sense, only the lies of the people who wish to control me. I am very sick physically, and my body has just become like a broken-down car pushed up too many hills. I don't have the energy or the health to keep fighting. They made sure of this. The drugs are slowly killing me. I don't want to go into much more detail because I am ashamed but just know that showering is very hard and getting food. I have to pull up a seat because I feel very sick from standing. I need someone to take care of me, and I need medicine, not medication. Is there any real help in this world?

[nightfallsupon]

[nightfallsupon]

Last year I was having pains in my heart, and couldn't breathe. My fan broke and I borrowed the fan of Stephanie King, the lady living next door to me, who was also subletting to me.

I didn't return it when she asked, because I felt doing that would have put my life in danger. But when this happened other things were done in retaliation to me. Insane things, like chlorine being poured in my water supply by her or others she got involved. It was so strong, turning the tap on in the kitchen made the entire room smell like chlorine, and I was heaving, and could not use the water for drinking or washing dishes.

There was also a strong smell of some kind of strong gas coming from above me in my bedroom (we lived in the same house - her above me). At a later stage I could smell burning plastic. I couldn't breathe, and nearly did not survive this. I do not know how she did this or why. Because your everyday person does not try to kill someone who borrows a fan. But I did not imagine this. What she did to me - I can only assume to harm me or get me to leave, was evil.

She got Tall Poppy, the real estate involved (to what means I don't know - but there were workers constantly at the house) and evicted me, and her and them have still faced no consequences. She was also engaging with my support worker, trying to make the situation worse for me, which she succeeded in. At this time I was refusing the injection, and mental health were repeatedly turning up terrifying me, knocking on my door, also because of the things she was saying about me. That does not mean that I do not understand what was going on, or that I did anything wrong, apart from a borrowed fan. I was so desperate I even put the cost of it into her bank account, hoping the situation could be deescalated.

One night she banged on all the windows, yelling, and I really thought she was going to kill me. Over a fan. I was the most terrified I've ever been in my life, and I thought I might die.

People do this kind of shit to me, because they think they will get away with it, because they think no one will believe me. But this is what she did. She is a vile person. And I hope she reaps what she sowed.

[nightfallsupon]

Fact is, until you have it happen to you, you don't know how you'll respond to it, whether you're able to keep a clear mind always, or who you're willing to forgive or not. And everyone is allowed to feel something different. So don't go criticizing what someone has done to survive and how they feel about the people that hurt them.

I could never raise a finger to any living thing, so don't hold me responsible for wishing karma on the people that raised their hand to me. They shouldn't have done those things. And they'll do them again if they're not stopped.

I used to think if I was sexually abused I would confront the person, but I feel entirely different now. I also know that even if I went to the police they wouldn't believe me (I don't trust them), and so I just hope for a miracle of justice somehow, someway, someday soon.

And also that what happened to me when I was two didn't happen to another little girl or boy. Or what happened to me when I was 25 didn't happen to another unsuspecting woman. Or what's been happening to me the last 7 years won't happen to another woman in her home. Because when you steal our credibility, you also steal our ability to stop these tragedies happening to other people. And that's because you didn't believe us. So others suffer because of your lies. Some of this pain could have ended with me, but it likely didn't. That is the reality you don't tell yourselves when you label us mentally ill and paranoid.

So who's really delusional?

[nightfallsupon]

When you say "mental health" what even do you mean? Are we talking someone's brain, emotions, feelings, pain, grief, loss, trauma? Then why don't you just say that? Or are we trying to define someone's pain in a limited sense of two words that don't really mean anything.

Today we ask, how is your mental health? And what do we mean by this? A pie in the sky, a fixation upon a concept, not a distinct and obvious feeling. Well I can tell you what psychiatry means by it...

Are you a danger to yourself? Do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or anyone else? Do you hear voices? Do you see things that aren't there? Do you feel unsafe?

And by psychiatries laws (a law to their own), if they decide any of these answers to be yes, the reason is untenable, for I need now to put you in a 'hospital bed' or in other words a prison, until you can act convincingly enough that we believe the answer is no. But in the mean time we will break you just enough, so that you begin to learn lying is the only way to feel free, and get away from people that are making you feel much, much worse. No, I am not being stalked. No, I was not raped. No, I no longer believe that. Yes, I am ok. No, I don't want to hurt myself - a product of the constant abuse these people have showered on you for years. And whilst I do not see things that are not there, and I do not hear voices, there are some people who do, people who are being punished for these very things, who are being tainted by a perception that this makes them dangerous.

Start asking people, what is hurting you? Why are you in so much pain? How can I help you? What would make you feel better?-Apart from a pill or a needle, a drug, that is addictive and will come with a black and grey kaleidoscope of side effects.

You see what the mental health industry does not understand is that you can not separate mental health from physical health. The two are not mutually exclusive. Health is health. Stop distinguishing between the two, and treat a person as a whole and complete canvas. 'You're in pain'...'where does it hurt?' Because I can guarantee there is a place in that persons body that is in unbearable pain. And a drug with physical side effects is only going to make things worse. Heal the person. Don't drug what you judge to be unusual. Have humans ever been so black and white?

Well yes, to psychiatry we are. We are black and white. We engage in this behaviour, it fits into this box, we say this thing, we belong here. This method of simplifying complex and colourful life forms to labels, is destructive at best, deadly at worst.

And how is this behaviour, yes the behaviour of "doctors" and "nurses," who have never healed a person in their entire life, fuelling the "mental health crisis?"

Because to them a solution comes in the form of a pill. But to anyone that is in pain, what they need is community, support, family, love, attention, understanding, care, kindness, and to be listened to, and offered constructive solutions - like real safety (where you can walk outside, where you know no one is going to hurt you), and conversations which don't place blame on you or your past. You do not receive these things within the "mental health industry." They fixate upon the things we have done, (perhaps mistakes, perhaps not), are content with studying and analysing our behaviour in the most unobjective ways, abuse us with their words and actions, then hand us back to the arms of our families, oftentimes also abusive. These are people who find comfort in controlling other people. I have been a part of it for twelve years now, and I have never found a single one of these things that would have helped me, from the people claiming they are making me "better."

The pharmaceutical industry is making billions of dollars upon peoples' sickness and the pyschiatrists and nurses all feed into this ideal, that a pill or liquid in a needle, is the help you need. While remaining completely and willfully ignorant to the pain these things cause, because they don't listen, discredit us, and also never feel that pain from these drugs themselves. They keep themselves thoroughly in caves, disregarding the truth we tell them about the way they make us feel. My nurse, Teresa, told me the drug she forces me to have (which makes me sleep 12 hours at night and then feel drained and exhausted for the other 12) is not sedating. These people have no understanding of what they are doing to us, and that is dangerous and wilful ignorance from intentionally not listening to the people you believe you are treating.

And nothing will ever change, until the world is ready to acknowledge that the mental health industry is fuelling the "mental health" crisis. Like they say in advertising, you can't polish a piece of shit. So, in conclusion, stop trying and throw it in the bin.

[nightfallsupon]

I have spent the last twelve+ years being gaslit and made to feel insane when I am very rational, and have a lot of clarity around everything that has happened, everything I've done and everything inflicted upon me. It is the very people who call me crazy who are illogical, abusive, and unstable, if not deranged themselves. They exist within the cult they created and convince themselves they are helping people when they are, in fact, destroying lives and robbing people of decades of joy and freedom, collapsing their hope and souls.

Ok you injected me with life destroying drugs over a hundred and thirty times and caused me untold suffering and terror, stabbing me with a needle at least once a month, but sure, I deserved it and you are completely sane to do this to people, it is medicine, sure, I am miraculously healed by your torture. Wow, I feel so much better having constant agony in my body because you weaponised a manmade drug to permanently alter my brain and break my body irreversibly. :) love you guys x

I owe you a huge thank you for making me disabled from all the absolutely (un)endurable side effects and imprisoning me for months and years. Kisses 💋

[nightfallsupon]

"May the fire that burns in you, burn these systems to the ground. That it may spread like a wildfire." -Tara Sevenich

[nightfallsupon]

I believe this is a case for false imprisonment, from my time being locked up in psychiatric facilities.

I found this under the common law of New Zealand.

I believe I have strongly described how the people within the mental health system of NZ have used coercion, threats, and claims of authority against me in order to keep me under their control.

As I have found (screen-captured above) in section 4A, the common law of NZ also speaks about how the doctors conflate insight with capacity. I have spoken in depth about this in earlier posts on this blog, how I do have a lot of insight, I simply do not agree with the doctors opinions of me. I know my own thoughts and emotions much better than they know me, spending half an hour with me every three months, and judging me based on this and a file of lies about me, written by other ill informed 'medical professionals,' who say I'm crazy simply for standing up for myself to them, and will find any small thing to conflate in their records to use against me in future.

I found a study spoken about at https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/07/190708131152.htm which states psychiatric diagnosis is 'scientifically meaningless.'

In this study it states "The diagnostic system wrongly assumes that all distress results from disorder, and relies heavily on subjective judgments about what is normal."

I believe there is no basis in psychiatric diagnosis. They are simply opinions of over educated, and brainwashed 'professionals.' Because my opinion differs to theirs, they say I lack insight and the capacity to make decisions. They have credibility within the system, organised specifically for their control over other people. But more specifically they have a lot of credibility within the court system, and are able to keep me under the mental health act and imprisoned in my body (drugged) and elsewise because of this.

I have seen first hand how New Zealand, and likely much of the world is imprisoning people who the doctors simply consider don't fit into societies tidy box of 'normal.' And because I was willing to do something drastic (my decision to steal a diamond ring, a car, and a campervan in 2012 - spoken about in earlier posts also), they have classified me as lacking capacity. I believe my blog proves that I have a lot of insight and understanding about what I have done, and what has happened to me. It is simply that I have never been listened to, or believed, and as a product of this inhumane system, been coerced, and imprisoned, in order to fit into their limited perception of me.

I believe it is now even more necessary to challenge the structure of society with whatever it takes for change to occur, just as the suffragettes took upon themselves in the 1900s, otherwise the world is heading toward catastrophe - as proven in scientific research of climate change. I don't believe this makes me insane, or lacking in capacity, or even a risk. As I have described in depth also, my reasons for doing these things, again in earlier posts and how I would choose not to repeat these actions. Infact I think it is a very sane thing to do alls considered, if you disagree with the way the world is headed, and the way in which humans treat other humans. Especially the way the world is currently, there should be more people fighting for others to be free. We obviously haven't accomplished much in this world with passive protesting, when there are people dying and starving throughout the world - Palestine, Ukraine... Not enough is being done by people, normal, regular humans to challenge the ingrained proposition that profit is to be valued over human life and I am fucking tired of it. I have never harmed another person, I have never assaulted, abused, or emotionally destroyed another, as they have done to me. Perhaps they should be the ones locked up in psychiatric units around the country after the cruel and inhumane actions these doctors, nurses, and judges seem to get away with.

New Zealand as a country has failed, and I deserve justice for their false imprisonment of me. One to two years of my life. Stolen from me. And tortured in the process. Imprisonment in my body of over a decade from the drugs they use to attempt to control me. Well, that didn't work did it. Read below, I've been fighting to be heard for YEARS. They might be able to control what they do to my body, but they will never control my mind. And I am ready for a battle once the world finds out.

Source:

[nightfallsupon]

"Only justice will bring peace." - Avatar, The Last Airbender

[nightfallsupon]