nihilisminterrupted
nihilisminterrupted
Nihilism Interrupted
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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Part 5: More Work Chapter 2
I walked into Richard’s office confidently nervous. Excited. But I didn’t see the man I had seen on TV, flamboyantly dressed and somewhat androgynous, but dressed in a three-piece suit with his hair in a ponytail looking like a 20th or early 21st century business type. The only flamboyant thing about him was the hue of red on his tie. It was blood red. Bright. Passionate.
“Mr Lionheart I presume?”
“Yep that’s me!”
He reached out and shook my hand firmly.
“Pleasure to meet you. Please have a seat.” I did, and then he did. His brilliant eyes holding my gaze. “You’ll have to excuse me, I died in the 2020′s and so I never had the chance to get to know you and your contributions to this great country of ours.”  He looked me up and down. “Your dressed appropriately for the same era I lived in, when did you travel here?”
“You mean when did I die?”
He nodded.
“Well I died in 2015. I didn’t really get the chance to do anything great with my life but I want to do great things now in HEAVEN.”
I could see a wrinkle of disappointment in his brow as he nodded somewhat robotically.
“I see. So what did you do for a work before coming here?”
I felt intimidated.
“I had my own business. What did you do?” I said somewhat defensively.
He smiled.
“I was..” he paused, “I don’t know how to reveal who I truly am to someone who died in 2015, it would bring out too many emotions, some good, some bad, but let’s just say I left my mark on the world.”
“So I would have heard of you?”
“Yes,” he said with confidence.
I wasn’t going to let him intimidate me. I wanted to work with him. I believed in him. I needed him to believe in me.
“Well that’s a relief!” I explained. “I am in the same exact position as you. I was a polarizing figure when I was alive but here in HEAVEN, I want a clean slate, to win over my detractors. I want to do that through the Luminaries..”
His expression softened.
“Interesting. What was your business?”
“Tech business.”
“Ah! A disrupter?”
I had no idea what he meant but I could tell by his inflection he thought being a ‘dristupter’ was a good thing.
“You can say that.” I winked.
“Excellent,” he took a deep breath. “Well Evan, i hate to say it, but HEAVEN isn’t too kind a place for people like us. The Architects believe we should be put in a box and let others rise above us. They are to put it bluntly hypocrites, among other things,” he took a sip of his coffee. “Because they are elites of another era trying to suppress the elites of eras gone by.”
I nodded earnestly.
“Yes couldn’t have said it better myself. A lot of these architects aren’t even human from what I understand.”
“You’re right, I mean they are dictating our lives to us from the other side of the galaxy.”
“So what are we going to do about it? Can anything be done?”
“I’m glad you asked,” he winked. “Because we the Luminaries are working on two things we hope to make progress on, and then from there hoping to make even more progress.”
“What two things?”
“I’m getting to that, God you’re earnest, I love that. Well first thing, is we want the right to be able to leave HEAVEN whenever we like. Using the bionic suits that are currently provided to some of us, but not all of us.”
“I’ve heard of that. A person I met here has one, she uses it to teach kids on Earth about what life was like when she was alive.”
“Yes, well we feel we should all be allowed access to these suits and be allowed to leave when we wish. And the second thing is to end compartmentalization of the people living in HEAVEN. It’s cruel and unnecessary.”
“Whats compartmentalization? Haven’t heard of that yet.”
“Well it’s very common for elites like us to have our consciousness split into parts. These parts are then put into simulations. There are these scientists studying parallel universes and they are creating parallel universes within HEAVEN where say someone like George Washington for example, is split so that there is a version of him before he became president who is then given information on what happened to him in the future, and then is given the opportunity to change or do with the info what he will. The person will then be entered into another simulated world thinking he is in the real world and then observed to see what he would do differently.”
This part blew me away.
There are even more simulated worlds out there?
“Wow. Who has this been happening to?”
“A lot of different people. George Washington is actually one of them.”
“ Are the simulated worlds full of other consciousness’ or are the people in these worlds simulated?”
He squinted a bit trying to understand what i had said.
“Like if I got told something about my future and then was placed on a simulated world, would the people I then interact with be real people or just computer simulations? ”
“It could be both, the architects tell us very little but God knows they have the technology. We only know this because some of our fellow Luminaries have  reported strange memories that come out of nowhere.  Memories of these experiments and it caused a lot of confusion and distress when these memories suddenly appear out of nowhere.”
“That’s horrible. Such a violation.”
His eyes widened with agreement.
“Yes! That’s exactly what it is. It’s a rape!”
I cringed hearing this word. It brought back the memories of what I had done that I had tried to put aside for the time being.
“Well I wouldn’t go that far..”
“Why not?” He snapped. “That’s what it is. How is it not rape?”
“I mean, it’s not, it’s not sexual assault it’s just..”
“An assault on our autonomy. An assault on the very essence that makes us who we are. If it’s not rape then that’s because it’s worse than rape. Rape is just the closest word we have to describe what it is.”
I wasn’t convinced. Even in this body I still had residual guilt. I got the gist of what he was saying. I understood where he was coming from. But I simply could not agree with his semantics.
“Ok, if it is rape,” I said humoring him, “then are our demands from the architects enough? I mean shouldn’t we want more? Rape is serious. Getting to leave and then stopping the rapes from happening isn’t really enough is it?”
He smiled. It was oddly reassuring.
“No it’s not enough, but once we leave, we’ll be on equal footing with the architects. And then we can ask for more,” he winked. “No, we can demand more.”
I liked that. We were suddenly on the same page again. “We could start a peaceful revolution,” i winked, shocked that I was doing such a thing.
“Yes,” he laughed. “Peaceful.”
It was strangely awkward and yet exciting. The idea of revolution, particularly in this new body was exciting. But we were being watched, we were lab rats. The architects would have to be idiots to let us do anything that could be seen as violent. In fact, I was pretty sure my thoughts themselves were being monitored. I shuddered.
“Don’t worry,” he said reassuringly. “There’s only one architect watching us right now. And he’s on our side.”
My eyes widened.
“Really?”
“His name is Ulnar Pro. He watches the Luminaries. The rest of the people here are watched by bots who look out and collect data on us. Mr. Pro however is in charge of the elites and the Luminaries and gets their data before anyone else and keeps it and shares it at his discretion. He is very much on our side.”
It seemed almost too good to be true.
“How do you know he’s not just tricking you? That he’s experimenting on you? On us? I mean he let’s compartmentalization happen.
“He confirmed it with us, I’m only telling you because we’re on the same page. This is what we want. But it’s important others don’t know. Not the architects, definitely not the Solidarity and not the rest of the people out here too.” He got up and looked out his window beaming. “And we’re not the only ones organizing for this revolution either. Other worlds, planets, eras etc. They all feel the same. “
“How do I get my thoughts and actions protected now?”
“You talked to me. You’re on the list now. You are now free to be you,” he smiled.
My smile however was much larger and much more pronounced. I could feel the energy gathering in my legs and I needed to stand up in excitement.”So, what can I do for us?”
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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Part 5: More Work Chapter 1
It didn’t take me long to find the headquarters of the Luminaries. They were located in Washington DC in the 1800′s to 2100′s section of HEAVEN. on the National Mall. This meant that I did not have to leave my decade to travel there just California. When I arrived however I noticed that while the mall was still there, it had been completely remodeled with new sculptures and buildings that would have been impossible to have existed in the living world.
There was a genderless angel in brilliant color, gargantuan with wings flapping where the US Capitol building once stood. The reflection pool had a rainbow from one end to the other and colorful flying fish diving in and out of the water and flying around the rainbow.  At the end of the mall where the Washington Monument once stood now stood a 3D and animated replica of the Milky Way galaxy  and in between the reflecting pool and the galaxy sculpture were museum buildings that resembled castles in varying colors with varying multicolored flags hanging from the towers.
Passing through my doorway with the Luminaries address lead me right here. But where was Luminaries HQ? The castle I was facing when I had emerged in 2000′s DC was titled Castle Uranium: A Museum of the Sculptures and Paintings of the United States.
I walked up to it and saw a sign that read:
Basement: Pre-Revolutionary Exhibit
 1F: The Revolution to Civil War
2F: The Post Civil War Era to World War II
3F: The Post World War II Era to The Unification Era
4F: The Unification Wars
5F: Post Unification
Northwest Tower: Autonomous Solidarity Party of the United States Headquarters
Northeast Tower: The Oracle
Southwest Tower: The Luminaries Party of the United States Headquarters
Southeast Tower: The Wheel
I wondered what the Wheel and Oracle was and what the Unification Wars was. But I figured I could always find out later, I really wanted to talk to Richard Bruce and this was the only time during the week where he’s in his office. I had already tried to make an appointment but his receptionist said it would be best to try to catch him at the office.
I walked into the museum, while the outside looked like a castle, the inside seemed like an old colonial home, full of oil paintings and a man wearing what looked to be a dress-suit combo. He had no hair, dark skin and emerald green eyes. He looked alien like and was smiling wide-eyed and happy.
“Hello! Welcome to Castle Uranium: A Museum of Sculptures and Paintings from the United States. Can I help you?”
“Oh you work here?”
He nodded.
Obviously
“I’m looking for the southwest tower? The Luminaries HQ.”
He looked disappointed.
“The entrance is on this floor, cross the museum, pass the sculpture exhibits and make a left, you will see signs for the tower. “
“Thank you.”
I began walking but was easily distracted. It wasn’t the art, but the people, they were all from different eras, all in the same place and it was quite overwhelming. I could barely walk, but I wasn’t the only one, there was what looked to be an Amish woman holding the hand of her small son and also being overwhelmed.
Our eyes met as I stared at her and I gave her a sweet smile. She looked terrified however and avoided my gaze immediately.  I looked away too out of a sense of embarrassment only to see more people in various dress. Some familiar, some I had never seen before.
No aliens?
As I walked through the museum I tried not to get lost or overwhelmed at all the different people from various eras, however I saw no aliens. Though some people looked close to alien like. I wondered if aliens were allowed here or if they were barred. If not, I wondered why none were interested in US History.
Was the greatest nation on Earth not interesting to aliens? 
When I finally reached the end of the museum I saw an elevator.
Elevator to 2F, 3F, 4F, 5F and Southwest Tower
I hit the up button. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I finally had a mission of my own choosing. I finally had a course to take. And my new body was ready for it. The anxiety was intoxicating, not overwhelming.
When I reached the tower I was somewhat surprised at how modest it was. There was a female receptionist, who was dressed as if she was from my era, Hair up in a bun, wearing a pant suit, white and with blonde hair, blue eyes and she was speaking on a phone that again looked to be from my era.
She held up a finger when she saw me that said ‘I’ll get to you in a moment.’ I wasn’t sheepish. Earlier I had felt like myself in the midst of all the strange characters wandering around the museum downstairs. But now I was fully in this new body. I was impatient and refused to smile and show her that I was acknowledging her request. Instead, my expression was one that said ‘I’ll wait if I have to, but don’t keep me waiting too long.’
She put down the phone and looked up at me.
“Hi, can I help you?”
“I’m here to see Richard,” I said with confidence.
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No. I was told I wouldn’t need one if I came at this time.”
“Let me see if Mr. Bruce is available. Can I ask who’s here to see him?” “I’m Evan,” I paused, I didn’t want to give my real last name. “Lionheart,” I said without any sense of irony or embarrassment.
“And what is this meeting in regards to?”
“I think Mr. Bruce is a great man. Perhaps the greatest man in all of HEAVEN and I would love to work for him and serve the party in any way I can.”
She smiled pleasantly.
“That is incredible to hear. Were you famous before crossing over?”
“Let’s just say I was a pretty big deal in my day.”
A pretty big deal?
Shut up brain!
She began to dial a code to reach him.
“Hello Mr. Bruce? There’s a Mr. Lionheart here to see you. He wants to join and serve the party,” she began to nod and ‘mmm hmm’ as he spoke to her on the other line. “Yes. I’ll let him know right away,” she hung up the phone. “Mr Bruce will see you in about 5 minutes, he’s just wrapping up some business.  Would you like a coffee or water while you wait?”
“Got anything stronger?”
“Uhm..no. We run things here as if this was a 2000′s place of business. We just have coffee and water. Sorry.”
“I’m actually from the next decade after. We didn’t have drinks in offices either, but I thought ‘hey, this is HEAVEN right?” I laughed.
“Oh but alcohol has the same effect here it does back in the physical world. Can make you get all,” she made a silly face and stuck out her tongue, “loopy.”
“Gotcha.”
“So..coffee or water?”
“Coffee. Black. Like I like my women,” I said trying to be..I guess I was trying to be funny. But it wasn’t really working.
She faked a smile.
“OK, coffee it is.”
She got up and walked away. The old me would have been embarrassed by my corniness, and a part of me still was, but I felt more confident in my new body, more powerful. I had a slight blush of embarrassment but it wasn’t as large as it would have been in my old body. I was sure of it. My posture was stronger, my facial expressions gave less away. I was adapting to the new body. Progressing from nervous and awkward to cool and confident. But there was a bit of a learning curve to go through.
She returned with my coffee.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks doll,” I said, taking the coffee from her and taking a sip. “Wow that’s strong,” I said in disgust. I actually didn’t like black coffee, but I was committed to drink it now. “Fuck it. It’ll put some more hair on my chest am I right?”
She politely smiled again at my awkwardness and then sat back down at her desk. I was feeling talkative however. I was never good with women in the real world but I felt emboldened in my new body and the receptionist was cute,.
“So you end up in HEAVEN and decide you want to be a receptionist? Why’s that?”
She smiled.
“It’s what I’ve always done. I enjoy it.”
“That’s awesome to hear. Not everyone is made to be a leader you know? I’m glad you know your place in this new world doll face.”
She looked at me with both bewilderment and pity. Trying to smile.
“Thanks.”
The next 5 or 6 minutes were awkward and silent but I couldn’t help smiling. I was cocky. I was stupid, but I was cocky. And I didn’t really care that she thought I was a total douchebag. I was free. Free to be an idiot.
Her phone beeped and she picked up.
“Ok, very well sir,” She hung up and looked at me. “Mr. Bruce will see you now.”
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 5
I had finally reached a point where inaction was no longer preferable to action. I didn’t want to spend another day in my new routine, I wanted to move forward. I hadn’t put my new body on since that first time I tried it out, and with good reason. It made me feel aggressive. It made me feel unremorseful. But I was tired of remorse and passivity. How could I in the face of a world where a pedophile was allowed to live out his dreams. A world that purported to be about freedom but wouldn’t let you act out violently. I was ready to change.
I opened up the closet door and looked down at my powerful new body. My heart was pounding, This newfound goodness in me, this peace, wanted to stay, wanted to keep me in comfort. But I wanted conflict now. I had something to fight against.
I took a deep breath and sat on the bodies lap. Put the hands over my hands and let myself transform.
Fuck yeah.
I stood up. I felt the power within me. I felt a surge in my groin, in my chest, in my heart.
This is who I was meant to be.
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 4
My hands were empty and my anger turned into dizziness as I looked around realized I was no longer at the park near mom’s house but instead in a cool but sunny greenhouse full of wild flowers growing out of the ground. Beyond the greenhouse was a beach and as I turned around the beach continued, leading me to believe I had reappeared on a sandy island with a greenhouse at its center.
“Don’t worry Evan you’re OK,” a fatherly voice said.
I looked up startled. There was a small glass loft with a portly old man dressed in a suit looking at me. He had a full grey beard and balding hair and a pocket chain hanging out.
“So I guess this is what happens when you lash out at someone in HEAVEN eh?” I said trying to hide my nervousness.
“You’re not being punished don’t worry and you’ll be able to get back home in no time.”
“OK cool, so why am I here?”
“Well you lashed out and there is no violence tolerated in HEAVEN. But luckily for you,” he began to walk down the stairs, “and for everyone else nobody can be physically harmed in HEAVEN.”
“You should have just told me this at  the beginning instead of letting me find out for myself.”
“But we want you to find out for yourself. Here at HEAVEN we are trying hard to allow you to live as authentic a life as possible and so we don’t like telling people what they can and can’t do right away. We’d rather them ask or find out for themselves.”
“OK so now I know,” I said somewhat annoyed. “So now what?”
“Well since you can’t express your anger and rage in the form of violence in HEAVEN I would like to give you the opportunity to express what caused you to lash out to me and see if I can help you out in some way?”
“Well, my big brother, who molested me as a child, appeared to me in the body of a small child, a body that he earned somehow and then tried to get me to fulfill some sort of weird sexual fantasy with him. So,  yeah. it should be pretty easy to see why I would lash out.”
“Well in the future, just let your tablet know that you don’t wish to see him or anyone else you may want to avoid and they will be added to a blacklist and be unable to see you,” he smiled.
“Can I just tell you? I definitely want him on my blacklist. My dad too.”
“Very well, they will both be added to your blacklist immediately.”
“OK.”
“I do have to let you know however, that because you are safe in HEAVEN, safe from physical violence, that we do not like blacklists and only offer them in the hopes that it will pacify you,” he was now standing before me. “However, once you are pacified, coming to grips with the people who are on your blacklist, learning to deal with them, learning to forgive them, this will help you with your progress in HEAVEN and will be tied to rewards.”
I was trying to soak it all in. And while it made sense logically I still couldn’t get over the fact that Nathaniel had done something worthy of such a twisted reward.
“So what did Nathaniel do to get a little boy’s body to use to live out his sick fantasies with?” I snapped.
“You’ll have to take him off your blacklist and ask him,” he winked.
“Fuck you.” It just came out. “Sorry, well no not sorry.”
“Speak your mind Evan. That’s what your here for.”
“And then what? Just speak my mind? Nothing is going to change. You let pedophiles into HEAVEN and then let them stalk their victim and you reward them without them even making things right with something that only encourages their perversion. HEAVEN is a fucked up place. Seriously, we have no real fucking freedom. We can chose to be in a political party but in the end you guys create the rules, nothing matters. Nothing we do affects the outside world who probably think we’re all as primitive as cavemen.”
I wanted to punch him. Knowing nothing would happen but it would make me feel good. Though maybe doing so would get me punished.
“Can I punch you? That’s seriously the only thing that could make me feel better right now.”
His face became stern and unfriendly. Almost intimidating.
“Yes, you could punch me if you wanted to but it won’t hurt me. I am an overseer. Very different from you, I am here to answer questions and help, like your complimentary tablet. I am not an uploaded consciousness like yourself. “
“So what happens if I punch you then?”
“Why not find out?” He seemed to dare me.
I was too intimidated to do it, even with the information he just gave me, I was scared.
“This is bullying,” I was shaking. “This is worse than bullying, this is slavery!.”
“You’re being dramatic Evan. You have more freedom here than you did when you were living.”
“I had the choice to live at least. Here I have no choice. I have to live.”
“Well do you want to die?”
I didn’t, since drinking that tea, I had lost all desire to die and instead wanted to live, though I wasn’t sure for what.
“Can I go home now?”
“You can return whenever you want but,”
“Then I want to go home now!” I demanded.
“But,” he continued. “I would suggest resting here for awhile, going to the beach we have here, and relaxing somewhat, before I send you back home and you act hastily.”
Act hastily?
“Well I can’t hurt anyone so what can I do that’s so hasty?”
“You should just give yourself time to think this over and calm down a bit. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Fine.” I was tired of his old authoritarian face. Why was this the overseer chosen to confront me? To intimidate me? I left him and walked outside the glasshouse and onto the beach.
It was calming yet eerie, I was surrounded by water on this tiny little island, a box made to look like the wide open world. If I jumped in the water could I swim to somewhere? If I got tired of swimming would I drown? Could I breathe underwater?
Fuck it.
I decided to run in and see for myself but as the water got to my knees I stopped because the water was just too cold. I wanted to cry, my body wasn’t even real and yet it was betraying me. I tensed up and kept going in, my body quickly adapted just as it would have in the living world, and within 10 minutes of pushing myself to go further I finally made it to navel deep. I wanted to put my face into the water but I had to fight the urge to hold my breath before doing so.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t dive in and put my face in without first holding my breath. I didn’t know how to get into the water without at first inhaling and holding. I would try to exhale and then put my face in but the closer I got to the water, the stronger I could smell it, and the more my brain wanted to inhale. But what brain? I was nothing more than a video game character based on a person who lived once, who might not even have lived. It suddenly occurred to me that all my memories are false, that this was a Matrix like scenario and maybe nothing that I thought I was I actually was.
I cried. I felt helpless. A feeling I hadn’t felt since I died. I didn’t want my helplessness to turn into hopelessness. I didn’t want to hate life when I had just learned to finally enjoy it.
I decided to hold my breath and dive in. It was freezing and I tried to open my eyes but my eyes burned. It was blurry, and the salt stung my eyes.
What salt? There is no actual salt.
I wanted to open my mouth and swallow the water, I wanted to simulate drowning. But I couldn’t. Something was keeping me from opening my mouth. I noticed however that I was holding my breath, and that eventually I would run out of air.
What air?
So I waited, and waited. To become breathless.
It’s coming.
.I wanted to stay in and lose my breath underwater. I wanted to experience drowning, just for the fuck of it. But I wanted to live, and even though I knew I couldn’t die my body was behaving as if I would die if I took a breath underwater.
I stood up in the shallow water and took my head out and gasped for air. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find out.
I walked back to the greenhouse wet and defeated. Unable to look the overseer in the face.
“I’m ready to go back now.”
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 3
There are some beautiful works of art in HEAVEN. Unreal and complex three dimensional sculptures that are simply imagined by artists and then instantaneously erected as an award. My favorite being a spiral staircase that my mother created that was based on the painting she had shown me weeks earlier when I came to visit her. 
The sculpture  is suspended in the air and if you look up at it, rotates as if you are walking up the steps at a steady pace. The staircase seems to go on forever, and at the very top is the sky as seen from the bottom.
I had made it a habit to go and visit the sculpture on Sunday. My version of religion. I simply enjoyed looking up at it and watching my mind stop and just experience it in all it’s beauty. This Sunday was just like any other Sunday except that I had company today, a little boy who had wandered his way next to me. Or so I thought.
“Hey little guy,” I said trying to be friendly. I was still kind of bad at it.
He said nothing. He looked nervous. He was in these little blue shorts with white sneakers tied in an awkward triple knot. He had a yellow shirt a picture of the Thunder Cats on them. Little black bowl haircut and olive skin. He looked about 6 years old and vaguely familiar.
“Cool sculpture,” I said still trying to make conversation. He was all alone and a paternal side I was unaware I had was starting to surface.
Dead so young.
“I like the spinning,” he opened up.
“Yeah it’s pretty awesome. My mommy made this.”
Mommy? Who am I?
“Do you wanna play with me?” He said, turning his head to me smiling.
“Sure. Are you hear by yourself?
“I’m a big boy!”
“You are! Well awesome!” Not awesome. Everyone was being uploaded to HEAVEN. Even child molesters.  “Where’s your mom though?”
“Let’s play!”
Before I could respond he began running towards the small green hill north of us. I was worried. HEAVEN seemed so peaceful, no crime reports on the evening news, just the drama of the Luminaries and the AS. But we were sharing this world with criminals.
There has to be crime right?
Maybe there was no crime. Maybe the architects had some sort of crime stopping program running to make sure everyone stayed safe. You couldn’t die in HEAVEN. You were already dead. But you could be raped, tortured. Couldn’t you? Pain existed in HEAVEN. So did poop and hunger. Breathing. So if one wanted to inflict pain on someone else, couldn’t they? I had inflicted emotional pain on my mother with my admission. No one stopped me. Why would the architects stop people from inflicting physical pain on each other? After all, weren’t we some sort of experiment they were watching? 
I ran to  catch-up to him. He was in awe of everything. I had forgotten how wonderful it had felt to be a child. Everything was fascinating. Worthy of your attention. He picked dandelions and was blowing them. He offered me one.
“Blow on it and make a wish!” He cheerfully instructed me.
“Sure,” I blew my dandelion. “Where’s your home?”
“What do you want to play?”
I bent down to meet his gaze hoping to be able to catch his wandering attention.
“Let’s play the get to know each other game. I ask you questions and you ask me questions and we answer them.”
His smile changed in an instant. He looked worried though still trying to maintain his smile. His eyebrows and his mouth wrinkled at the sides.
“You don’t want to talk?”
He looked me in the eye and then looked at my chin and said, “I am your little boy. HEAVEN made me as a present for you.”
What? I didn’t ask for a son?
I didn’t understand this at all..
“Wait, so are you a little boy who died and is in HEAVEN and is now my son? Or are you a virtual kid or..”
Maybe he’s just playing a trick on you idiot.
“Are you joking with me little Mr?” I said in a playful tone.
‘Little mister?’ Who are you?
“I was created just for you,” his nervousness turned to confidence. He reached out and touched my knee. “To do with whatever you want,” he blushed.
My concern turned to rage.  I got up quickly and looked around.
This is how HEAVEN treats survivors of incest and childhood sex abuse? Give them a virtual kid to molest? 
I was looking for someone to register my anger with. This was disgusting and I wanted no part in it.
Where’s my tablet?
And just like that there it was in my back pocket. I took it out and began furiously typing:
I don’t want this reward. Fuck you for thinking I would be into this.
The little boy looked nervous.
“Wait what you doing what you typing?”
“I don’t want a little boy so fuck off and disappear.”
“I was kidding I was kidding don’t get me in trouble please?”
What?
I looked at the tablet:
Rewards appear at your house. The last reward you were given was a new body which you asked for.
I was even more confused.
“Who are you then?“ I yelled.
He looked nervous.
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
Get mad?
“Why would I get mad? What’s making me mad is that you...” It suddenly hit me. “Nathaniel?” His eyes got big. My heart sank. “No. No. Just no.”
“I was just joking,” he explained sheepishly.
“So wait, are you Nathaniel? Yes or no?” My blood was boiling.
There was a long pause. He seem terrified to open his mouth.
“Yes.”
“Yes? Yes what?”
“It’s me,” he then let out a nervous little laugh. “Surprise!”
I was dizzy and nauseous and had to sit down. Even in this moment I was amazed at how the blood had rushed to my head and how my vision had gone blurry. Just as it would have in the living world. There was always this part of me observing in this new environment even as the rest of me was bracing to deal with the nightmare I now found myself in.
He came over, afraid to touch me but he wanted to.
“Don’t touch me.”
“OK I won’t,” he said sheepishly.
“And take off that stupid costume and talk to me man to man. The real you.”
“I didn’t mean to see you. I didn’t mean to...’ he was flustered. “I got this body as a reward. And I didn’t think I was going to see you at the sculpture. I didn’t plan this I just wanted to see Mom’s statue.”
A reward?
“A fucking reward? HEAVEN awards you with a little innocent child’s body?”
“It’s not a child’s body, it’s my body. It’s just a costume. I designed it.”
“That is fucking disgusting. That you could be allowed that...and what did you even fucking do to get this reward? Obviously it wasn’t apologize to me. And what do you get for trying to seduce me you sick fuck? Or is that just for your own sick pleasure?”
He was silent. And in that moment, looking at his frail little body, I was tempted. I was finally bigger than him, stronger, more powerful. But not tempted to do what he wanted me to do, tempted to find out what happens when someone in HEAVEN inflicts pain upon another person. Physical pain. I wanted to beat him, and see how far I could take.
I grabbed him by the neck and squeezed.
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 2
The next few months seemed to fly by. I couldn’t make a decision on what my next move would be so I just relaxed, got into a groove and daily routine that involved sleeping a lot, going out to eat with Angie and Ashley or mom, learning about HEAVEN, watching TV and going for long walks and people-watching. It wasn’t necessarily boring, but it was repetitive, and I did crave progressing my own respective storyline further. My new life felt like it could be a great and interesting story. Something exciting and novel. But it was comfortable to be complacent.
And it wasn’t like I hadn’t learned anything. I learned more about HEAVEN, I found out that my mom was obsessed with an Elizabeth Taylor movie called Boom! I found out that Ashley and Angie know both Terry Gross and Eli Thompson personally,  and I got to meet Ashley and Angie’s kids: Angus, Vivek, Hyun-ki and Sophia.
I could see how, without the horrible burden of depression and the plague of rumination how someone could simply spend endless days enjoying nothing more than being. Enjoying their habits, their routine, their friends, without feeling stuck. It blew my mind in my that in my depressed state, other people were threats, while now they were a source of warmth and companionship. How every sensation was overwhelming but now pleasant. Even confusion, anger, guilt, these were all experienced pleasurably in HEAVEN.
Maybe pleasurably is the wrong word, but there was no longer resistance to feeling bad, so it didn’t feel as bad. Every negative emotion seemed to have a purpose.
How can this be?
What was the truth? If negatives could be experienced as positives, cold as cool, hot as warm, claustrophobia as coziness. then was everything as illusionary as HEAVEN? What was truly good? What was truly evil? Was everything just a blank canvass to project upon?
Questions like this would have tormented me in the living world, they would have caused me to ruminate. But not here. Here I could think overwhelming and scary thoughts and still remain calm. I could think hard, and still be relaxed. I could be worried, but enjoy the anxiety knowing that it was leading to greater understanding.
This emboldened me. Slowly but surely. It emboldened me to try on the new body once again, to meet my brother and father. But I didn’t know which to do first or if it could wait another day.
Time for Seinfeld
I happily stopped pondering and turned on the TV.
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 2
The next few months seemed to fly by. I couldn’t make a decision on what my next move would be so I just relaxed, got into a groove and daily routine that involved sleeping a lot, going out to eat with Angie and Ashley or mom, learning about HEAVEN, watching TV and going for long walks and people-watching. It wasn’t necessarily boring, but it was repetitive, and I did crave progressing my own respective storyline further. My new life felt like it could be a great and interesting story. Something exciting and novel. But it was comfortable to be complacent.
And it wasn’t like I hadn’t learned anything. I learned more about HEAVEN, I found out that my mom was obsessed with an Elizabeth Taylor movie called Boom! I found out that Ashley and Angie know both Terry Gross and Eli Thompson personally,  and I got to meet Ashley and Angie’s kids: Angus, Vivek, Hyun-ki and Sophia.
I could see how, without the horrible burden of depression and the plague of rumination how someone could simply spend endless days enjoying nothing more than being. Enjoying their habits, their routine, their friends, without feeling stuck. It blew my mind in my that in my depressed state, other people were threats, while now they were a source of warmth and companionship. How every sensation was overwhelming but now pleasant. Even confusion, anger, guilt, these were all experienced pleasurably in HEAVEN.
Maybe pleasurably is the wrong word, but there was no longer resistance to feeling bad, so it didn’t feel as bad. Every negative emotion seemed to have a purpose.
How can this be?
What was the truth? If negatives could be experienced as positives, cold as cool, hot as warm, claustrophobia as coziness. then was everything as illusionary as HEAVEN? What was truly good? What was truly evil? Was everything just a blank canvass to project upon?
Questions like this would have tormented me in the living world, they would have caused me to ruminate. But not here. Here I could think overwhelming and scary thoughts and still remain calm. I could think hard, and still be relaxed. I could be worried, but enjoy the anxiety knowing that it was leading to greater understanding.
This emboldened me. Slowly but surely. It emboldened me to try on the new body once again, to meet my brother and father. But I didn’t know which to do first or if it could wait another day.
Time for Seinfeld
I happily stopped pondering and turned on the TV.
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 2
The next few months seemed to fly by. I couldn’t make a decision on what my next move would be so I just relaxed, got into a groove and daily routine that involved sleeping a lot, going out to eat with Angie and Ashley or mom, learning about HEAVEN, watching TV and going for long walks and people-watching. It wasn’t necessarily boring, but it was repetitive, and I did crave progressing my own respective storyline further. My new life felt like it could be a great and interesting story. Something exciting and novel. But it was comfortable to be complacent.
And it wasn’t like I hadn’t learned anything. I learned more about HEAVEN, I found out that my mom was obsessed with an Elizabeth Taylor movie called Boom! I found out that Ashley and Angie know both Terry Gross and Eli Thompson personally,  and I got to meet Ashley and Angie’s kids: Angus, Vivek, Hyun-ki and Sophia.
I could see how, without the horrible burden of depression and the plague of rumination how someone could simply spend endless days enjoying nothing more than being. Enjoying their habits, their routine, their friends, without feeling stuck. It blew my mind in my that in my depressed state, other people were threats, while now they were a source of warmth and companionship. How every sensation was overwhelming but now pleasant. Even confusion, anger, guilt, these were all experienced pleasurably in HEAVEN.
Maybe pleasurably is the wrong word, but there was no longer resistance to feeling bad, so it didn’t feel as bad. Every negative emotion seemed to have a purpose.
How can this be?
What was the truth? If negatives could be experienced as positives, cold as cool, hot as warm, claustrophobia as coziness. then was everything as illusionary as HEAVEN? What was truly good? What was truly evil? Was everything just a blank canvass to project upon?
Questions like this would have tormented me in the living world, they would have caused me to ruminate. But not here. Here I could think overwhelming and scary thoughts and still remain calm. I could think hard, and still be relaxed. I could be worried, but enjoy the anxiety knowing that it was leading to greater understanding.
This emboldened me. Slowly but surely. It emboldened me to try on the new body once again, to meet my brother and father. But I didn’t know which to do first or if it could wait another day.
Time for Seinfeld
I happily stopped pondering and turned on the TV.
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Part 5: Lunch Special: A Guide To the Nihilism Interrupted Universe
The year as we would know it is 5603 AD, and the seventh year of the HEAVEN project. THE HEAVEN PROJECT was started by Bee Renlist Mir while researching  at  The Orion-Arm Organization for Anima-Conscientia Research, or OAOAC. Along with the seven other Architects, she oversaw the creation and development of HEAVEN as a way recreating aspects of the  Anima-Conscienta in a virtual world.
The Galactic Network  with it’s quadrillions of Trecerabytes of computing power was chosen to host HEAVEN as a means to give the sprawling network consciousness. The idea being that the network could carry on and evolve if the galaxy were to break out into war and the sentient beings within would become extinct.
Prior to the creation of HEAVEN the network was used for galactic communication between star systems as well as virtual recreation. HEAVEN went online in 5596 and by 5598 beings (the collective name given to the various citizens of different star-nations) began to be able to visit HEAVEN on the proviso that one of their loved ones was inhabiting the virtual world.
When through chance and good luck, a historic being is created in HEAVEN that being will often be made available for educational purposes to juvenile beings through educational networks.
The oldest being recreated in HEAVEN is A I Xi Mu Nun Sun a being from the planet A Nae Are who had lived during his primitive nations silk age. However the majority of beings recreated come from a period of between 100 and 500 Earth years. In fact, by all estimates, close to 100% of all beings who existed with the last 500 years of the creation of HEAVEN have been recreated successfully.
Nevertheless, around ten billion new beings are recreated in HEAVEN daily and with the popularity of HEAVEN growing, countless nations within the galaxy are investing in upgrading their portions of HEAVEN so as to increase its computing power so that more beings can be recreated.
Earth’s section of the network is remarkably slower than in other parts of the Orion Arm and in other parts of the Galaxy. However because Earth is known as the cradle of Humanoid Civilization within the Orion diaspora, much attention has been paid to recreating beings who were native of Earth by other Humanoid nations from the Orion Arm and the Outer-Cygnus Arm (particularly the United Star Systems of MuuMuu who was responsible for the creation of the Galactic Network)
Evan Gonzalez, a 28 year old American from the 21st Century is one of the beings recreated in Earth’s section of HEAVEN. And it is through his eyes that we are learning about the world of HEAVEN . Through communication with the architects, beings like him are being given the chance to right their past wrongs (if they choose) live out their dreams and full potential, or expand upon the success they had in life.
Would you like to create your own being within HEAVEN? The world of Nihilism Interrupted is Open-Source, and any writers looking to write short stories set within. Just contact me and your short story can be featured here.
Explore what it means to be human, or non-human. Put yourself in the shoes of someone you love who has passed away or someone you hate that you want to understand. Or put yourself within this world and explore what you would be.
Contact me here. And please don’t forget to tell others and donate.
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Part 4: Lunch Chapter 1
I left mom’s house in the 90′s at around 9pm and came back to my home in the 2010′s around the same time. I got home and plopped on the couch, I was tired but felt OK, my mind remarkably still in spite of worries that I could almost feel in the back of my head wanting to come to the forefront.
Back in the living world, rumination was always at the front of my mind, no matter how hard I tried to push it away, it would push back with such ferociousness that I was seldom allowed any time to simply be. I was constantly engaged in a battle with my thoughts. Now however, they were postponed, and OK with being postponed though I could tell they wouldn’t be patient for too long.
What was I supposed to do? Find Paula on my own and make amends with her? Forgive my brother on my own? Or just keep going down the list of ‘jobs’ and get more rewards.
Rewards.
I just realized that I had completed my task and was now entitled to a reward.
Your new body!
I looked around for my tablet.which was right next to me (though I hadn’t remembered setting it down.) and upon finding it quickly typed in:
When can I get my reward?
To which the tablet replied:
It’s already in your closet.
My new body was in the closet? I wasn’t even asked what sort of body I wanted!  I was beyond pissed.Thank God I had asked it before inadvertently opening the closet and shitting my pants at the sight of an empty human looking costume, waiting for me inside. And what kind of body was I going to see? Was this going to be one of those ironic awards where asking for a ‘new body’ was going to produce a random body like the body of a midget or paraplegic?
I got up feeling my blood boil and walked to my room to see what monstrosity  I had been blessed with. I made sure all the lights were on in my room, even the lights in the en suite bathroom so that I wouldn’t get too shocked. I put my hand on the closet door and opened it as quickly as I could, as if ripping off a band aid.
I flinched, expecting to be horrified, but instead felt my mouth open in astonishment and my eyes open wide.It was beautiful. Exactly what I had wanted, which was somewhat unsettling, but the creepiness factor of the Architects knowing exactly what I wanted was quickly taken over by a sense of awe and giddiness. The body sat there, in dark blue jeans and an unbuttoned flannel shirt with a crisp white tee underneath and snakeskin belt with a huge Texas belt buckle. He was tall, he was muscular, his eyes were dark blue and brooding, his hair blond and strong, his face chiseled and rugged with dark blond stubble.
I reached out and touched his cheek. It was warm and that was frightening. He didn’t appear to be breathing but seemed fully alive. 
I’m finally white.
I was always a white male, technically. My background on my dad’s side was Spanish, but my last name: Gonzalez, and my dark complexion always lent itself to having me mistaken for Hispanic.
I’m not Mexican! I’m Spanish! One is from Europe one is from south of the border.
I was giddy and quickly began to type:
How do I put it on?
Sit on the lap of the costume-body you wish to change. Then put the new costume-body’s arms and hands over yours, and put your feet on top of the costume-body’s.
I felt a strange twitch in my groin. I’m not gay, but I found the body completely attractive. Not so much in a sexual way but in what it represented.
Power.
I turned around and sat on the bodies lap immediately, put the hands over my hands and my feet on it’s feet.
I felt a jolt.
I looked down at my hands and they were strong and peach colored. I got up fast. The blood had rushed to my head and I felt heavier but full of more energy. I turned around and gasped.
It was me. Sitting there, only dead behind the eyes.
I ran to the mirror. There I was in my new body. I was excited, but felt strange. Not fully integrated. I sat down on the bed for a second to get my bearings.
A few moments passed and suddenly I started to feel very different. I was horny, and angry, but full of confidence. I stood up. I was still me, but in a new body I was losing parts of me and they were being replaced with emotions and feelings that were alien to me.
It was as if I was two people at once. The body and me. And everytime I felt myself integrating with my body a part of me rejected it. I didn’t want to lose myself. My head spun some more and I had to sit down again. I felt good, better than I had ever felt in my life and yet at the same time I was afraid and I was astonished I could feel so good and so bad simultaneously.
Who am I?
I wanted my old body back and yet as I walked to change back I wondered why.
Why?
I didn’t want to be the weak, fat and ugly loser I was before. I wanted to be me. This me. But I felt the empathy I had gained at my mom’s for the whore I had raped vanishing. And I didn’t want it to.
Whore.
Fuckin’ whore.
Fuckin’ skank.
Stupid bitch. 
I grabbed my cock through the jeans, I was hung. strong. Manly. I stripped naked and looked at myself in the mirror.
I was gorgeous. I was a work of art.
I was.
Me.
This is me.
This is the real me.
I began to get hard. And I began to stroke my big new beautiful cock. In the mirror. Excited by the power. No dumb bitch was in my head, I was turned on by me. By the power. By the possibility.
I quickly came, powerfully, impressively and then felt my knees buckle and went back to my bed to lay down and catch my breath.
This isn’t right. She was a person.  I am human, so therefore nothing human is alien to me.
I sprung out of bed and went back to my old body and quickly put it back on.
I got up. Looked back at the naked man now sitting on a chair in my closet. He was frightening. Dangerous, but I longed to be him again.
I immediately noticed my body, disgusting, unhealthy. Ugly.
Why did you want to go back to this?
My mind was at war with itself. I just wanted to go to sleep. I couldn’t make a decision about my next step under these circumstances. I hoped a goodnight sleep would help me out. So i got into sleeping shorts and shirt, turned off the lights and went back to bed.
Who am I?
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Part 3: Work Chapter 4
We made grilled chicken breasts with artichokes, rice, seasoned potatoes and a side salad.
“What do you want for drinks Hun?”
“Coke is good.”
“No adult beverages for you?”
I had never drank with my mom. She was an alcoholic and although I had been drinking since I as 12, mom had died when I was 8, and for some reason I was craving soda being with her. It’s what I always drank around her.
“Coke just seems right. 7up for you?”
It was the only thing she’d drink whenever she would eat with me and my brother.
“Just like old times,” she smiled.
Dinner conversation was a lot lighter and mostly revolved around her topiary and her love of art. it was pleasant. It was like there was no elephant in the room. That elephant being that i was a murderer and rapist and she was a suicidal alcoholic who abandoned her kids. It was just perfect.
It seemed to be my turn to talk and I was out of questions for mom. I looked around for something to talk about and talk about and the book I had just bought popped up in my head.
“So this number one bestseller in Heaven-”
“A Note to the Living by Eli Thompson,” she beamed.
“Yeah, what’s it about?”
“Well it’s an autobiography of Eli Thompson, he was born with no nose and lived this extraordinary life and now in Heaven he’s a big-time celebrity.”
“Is celebrity merit based in Heaven or is it determined by the Architects.”
“Oh you can’t force celebrity. People become famous because they strike a chord with people. It’s actually more merit based than back in the real world where the media and Hollywood you know,” she buttered her dinner roll, “sort of decide who should be famous and who shouldn’t. You know? Like the magazines and all that.”
“So there are no Kardashians in Heaven?”
“Who?”
I just realized she had died long, long before the Kardashian show had aired. 1995.
“Oh, they’re these girls who are famous for for being famous. Their dad was some kind of track star or olympian and so they got their own kind of reality show. Like a documentary soap opera about their lives.”
“Oh like the Loud family?”
“Loud family?”
“They were this family that had a documentary made about them. It was more like a soap opera though.”
“I thought the Real World was the first reality show slash documentary soap opera show.”
“Not familiar with that one but the Loud family were pretty famous for awhile. They are probably here in Heaven and those other people you mentioned too, only they are probably serving others for a change instead of themselves.”
“That’s something I don’t get, these people lived good lives and worked hard and now they don’t do anything.”
“The Loud family didn’t work hard. I mean i guess they did, it was such a long time ago, but they got famous from their show.”
“Still, I don’t like the Kardashians but they did work hard. I mean, they made the most of their fame and knew how to market themselves. They shouldn’t be punished in Heaven.”
“They’re not really punished Hun. It’s more their assignments are humbling. That’s it. And the jobs available for them are more tailored for them to learn lessons. Nobody has a cruddy life in Heaven.”
“Then why the need for The Luminaries?”
She frowned.
“Well here in the American section of Heaven we were given a democracy similar to the one we had back in the real world,” she sighed, “and Richard Bruce,” she said with disdain, “well he decided that Heaven should be like the real world and that the rich and powerful and famous in the living world should be the rich and powerful and famous in Heaven. Thank God for Terry Gross.”
“That name is familiar, she’s in the Autonomous Society right?”
“Yes, and she was famous in real life but she likes how things are in Heaven,” she suddenly got wide-eyed, “ooh! I just realized, she’s someone who was famous in the real world and in Heaven. See? It is merit-based here.”
“What was she famous for? I never heard of her.”
“She interviewed celebrities for a living. She was like one of the best interviewers when she was alive.”
“Well it seems a lot of people are trying to sell me on the Autonomous Society but I want to give the Luminaries and this Richard guy a chance. What was he in the living world?”
“Nobody knows, but there’s rumors he’s actually Hitler, though he’s American. So I don’t know.”
“So Heaven has countries? Is that a good idea? I thought Heaven was supposed to be all kumbaya. “
“Well, people want to be able to self govern here and not just be ruled by the Architects..but there were so many cultures, languages, religions and people on Earth, and it’s all divided by decade so they decided to divide it into countries too. AS and the Luminaries are North American political parties for the 1800′s to the 2100′s.”
“We share them with Canada?”
“Yep,” she got excited again, “so are you going to come visit often?”
“Sure. You can come visit me too if you like. See the future future.”
We looked at each other happily. I was so calm and happy, I hadn’t expected it to go so well, and I realized now that I hadn’t ruminated since I had been here. My head was clear. But just like that the image of Paula Taits came into my head, the prostitute I had raped.
It ruined the moment. I felt a discomfort in my spine and my forehead heating up.
“Everything OK?”
“I just realized, I’m a rapist and a murderer, and I have to live with that here,” I felt scared, “I don’t want that on my conscience.”
“Then make it right Hun.”
She reached out and grabbed my hand.
“How? I can’t take back what I’ve done.”
“What we do to others we do to ourselves. You really should read Eli’s book. ‘I am human, so therefore nothing human is alien to me.’
“What?”
“Famous quote. Not sure who said it but it’s true.”
“So we’re all the same, but so divided. Even in Heaven.”
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Part 3: Work Chapter 3
We sat down on her couch holding each other. At first crying uncontrollably and then just resting.  Peacefully.
“What time is it mom?”
“Who knows” She looked back towards the clock in the kitchen. “Just after noon Hun.”
“Do you want to come visit me sometime?”
“Of course Hun. You have to go somewhere? You have a job here yet?”
“No. Was just saying. Do you?”
“Have to go or have a job?”
“Have a job. Or both.”
“I don’t want a job yet. Socializing and walking around and doing the topiary and painting is my job now.”
“You paint too? I wanna see.”
“OK sit tight. I’ll go get it.”
She got up and left me on the couch. Staring at her big screen TV. It wasn’t a plasma or LCD, just a 90′s big screen TV.
“Do you get the same channels we do in the 2010′s?” I yelled back at her.
"What?”
“Nevermind, I’ll tell you when you get back.”
I looked back and she was walking back towards me from a door in the kitchen by the refrigerator with a small frame in hand.
“My first and only painting here so far.”
She walked over and sat by me on the couch and then handed it off to me. It was a very detailed painting of a spiral staircase that seemed to go on forever.
“It’s beautiful mom. Does it symbolize anything or have any special meaning?”
“It’s life. Goes around and round in circles but it’s leading to something.”
There as that vague something again. Was there actually something? Or is this all there is? A life, and then virtual afterlife. Chaotic but with some semblance of order to fool you into going on.
“Do you guys have tablets here to get around? You know to type in the address and move between worlds?”
“A tablet? Not sure what that is Hun. But to get around from world to world we just type it into the computer and then walk through a doorway. We can only use technology that was common in the era you died”
“Oh OK, so since you died in the 90′s you’re in like a 90′s Heaven?”
“Yep! And thank God I am. I hear it only gets worse in America after the 90′s. The only problems we had in the 90′s were,” she faked being afraid, “political correctness! Scary! The idea that we should chose our words more sensitively when talking about others.”
“It only got worse in the 2000′s and 2010′s. Twitter gave everyone a reason to complain and whine about everything.”
“Twitter?”
“An internet thing. You guys get internet here in the 90′s right? That’s when it started.”
“Oh I love the internet! This world is like the internet. But anyways tell me more about Twitter.”
“Oh it’s this internet bullshit where anyone can post their opinion on anything. And all people do is complain about political incorrectness.”
“So what? Disagreements happen. Why can’t people complain if they feel they are being wronged.”
“All everyone does though is complain and whine. I don’t know about now, but back then yes.”
“Better to vent than kill yourself.” She laughed. “I wish i had complained and spoken up more instead of holding it all in and going crazy.”
I was eager to change the subject. I never knew my mother’s political affiliations but I was now realizing they were far different than my own.
“So is the TV the same? Or is it different in the 90′s Heaven?”
“It’s pretty much the same but I don’t know, I just like 90′s things. The people who chose to live here either died in the 90′s or just like it. So it’s interesting. It’s a very progressive part of Heaven. Want to help me get dinner?”
“You cooking?”
“Of course! Let’s hit up the 90′s supermarket,” She laughed.
We left the house and got into her big Ford SUV. Not very progressive but i wasn’t about to ruin my mother’s illusions.
We drove through the track houses and onto streets. It was indistinguishable from a typical southern California town in 2015 in the real world. People were walking their dogs, kids were playing in front of their houses, there was nothing otherworldly about it. There was even a guy in a wheelchair.
Must be an assignment.
We pulled into the supermarket parking lot. Heavenly Grocers was it’s name. On the inside it was no different than any other supermarket I had ever been in. Muzak and all. The only thing noticeable was that there were no cashiers. But it had everything, a seafood department, a deli, fruits and vegetables and various household goods and even a book and magazine section. 
I left mom to look at the magazines. I recognized the covers. They were all magazines from the 90′s. There were no magazines of the current era and the books were old favorites from the 90′s as well. John Grisham novels, Angela’s Ashes, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. But then there was another section: Books by Heaven’s Authors. This excited me. I wanted to know everything about the architects. I wanted to know what life was like outside of Heaven.
I walked over to the section and was disappointed. It was full of books by wannabe writers who were now getting to be published writers in Heaven. With titles like: Nookie for Cookie, My Heavenly Journey and Hello God, Are You There? It’s me Hassan.  It was pretty underwhelming except for one book that was listed as the number one bestseller: A Note to the Living: Don’t Wait Till Death to Learn the Lesson of Heaven, by Eli Thompson. I picked it up and skimmed through it. It was very text-heavy. I looked for a price.There was none. So how could it be a best-seller?
“That is a fantastic book!”
“How can it be a best-seller if there’s no price? I assume we just take it?“
“Yep, and I guess they go by how many people read it. Though I think that book is a bestseller outside of Heaven too.“
I took the book and walked with her to the fruit and veg section.
“Is the meat and veg in here all made by computers or do the souls of animals and vegetables get uploaded too?”
“It’s all virtual but pigs, dogs, cats, dolphins, whales, elephants and monkeys and gorillas get uploaded here too, though I am pretty sure none of them are used for food.”
“Pigs?”
“They’re very smart animals Hun. I think other smart animals get uploaded too but I’m not sure.”
“Do you know how they manage to upload souls in Heaven? Like what are souls made of that they can be scanned and uploaded?”
“I’m not a very technical person dear. I don’t know. Maybe ask your computer or tablet?”
We left the market with a ton of groceries. None of it was paid for. We just loaded up the cart and bagged everything ourselves. During the ride home I saw another wheelchair-bound person riding down the side walk passed a home improvement store.
“Do you think that guy is on some kind of assignment or do you not get legs right away if you get uploaded to Heaven crippled?”
“I don’t know Hun. Want to ask him?”
“Nah that’s ok.”
“This is Heaven Hun, we have to learn from each other, nobody keeps to themselves. Learn from others. Go and talk.”
And before I could protest  she pulled the car over and backed up so that we were parallel with the wheelchair guy.
“Hello! Sir? My son is new to Heaven he has a question for you,” she shouted out the window. “Go ahead son.”
The wheelchair guy smiled at me. He didn’t even say it was OK but his smile seemed to indicate he was OK with me asking him a question.
“Uh, hey sorry about this-”
“No no you’re fine,” he smiled.
“It’s none of my business-”
“Everything is everybody’s business here Hun, don’t apologize, go ask.”
“Uh, sorry for my mom-”
“Oh no she’s fine, and she’s right. There’s a time and place for privacy. That’s what our homes are for. I’m out in public, so go ahead young man, ask your question and don’t feel bad.”
“OK, so..I guess what I wanted to ask is if you got uploaded to Heaven as a crip..uhm..a handy-capable person or is this a test or assignment?”
“This is how I died, this is how I got here but eventually I would like to walk again, once I do however, I become a totally different person so the Architects would rather monitor me and see how I live before I change my life and become a walking person again.”
“Isn’t that kind of jacked up?”
“No, I mean it’s a challenge to be in a wheelchair but I live a good life. Once I walk again another challenge will probably take it’s place.” he laughed. “That’s life.”
“Or after-life,” I sheepishly joked.
“Ha!” He laughed over-enthusiastically. “That’s a great one.”
“Uhm, OK, thank you for your time sir.”
“Anytime. You and your mom have a wonderful day!”
“Okaly dokaly!” I said trying somewhat to hard my sarcasm and discomfort.
“Ha I loved the Simpsons! Great show! You have a great day both of you.”
“You are so sweet sir! Thank you it’s his first day here! Or wait, second? Second! He is still learning! He’s going to read Eli Thompson’s book too!” My mom chirped.
“Oh it’s a wonderful book! Wonderful! Take care now!”
“Bye!” My mom waved and off we drove home.
Awkward
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nihilisminterrupted · 10 years ago
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