niko-mp4

[niko-mp4]

i dont wanna be alive rn

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flashbacks suck stay safe yall

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was supposed to sleep bc i feel shitty but i have a Lot of weight on my chest so im gonna throw out everything that happened today to the world so i feel a little better to go to sleep:

- from 11ish last night when i stopped any engagement with anything to right now as i speak i have been unable to stop crying

- ive been very drained mentally for two or three days now and have wanted to kill myself both yesterday and today

- ive been very drained physically and have had nausea for a week now

- i had a very bad silent panic attack today

- i had multiple flashbacks today which caused me to dissociate multiple times for different lengths of time and it progressed through the entire day

- pretty much everything that happened today had no direct reason and im not sure why pretty much everything happened i just feel very unwell

- i hit my head too hard and it hurts

i will now be going to sleep, thank you

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I'm sorry for lyric spamming I'm tired and sad

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i dont care if it hurts, i wanna have control /lyr

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im not quiet, youve been quiet, just receiving what you said /lyr

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do you like not having me at home? /lyr

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one day, i will stop falling in love with you, someday someone will like me like i like you /lyr

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I made a promise, if in four months this feeling ain't gone- well, fuck this city, i'm moving to saskatchewan /lyr

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i hate being clingy so bad im currently screaming and crying because my partner went to sleep without asking if i wanted to call or not like they usually do :C

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i hate mental illness so bad i dont know why im crying i dont know why im screaming i dont know why im like this i want it to stop

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i havent slept on call w my partner in a week and since then ive been sobbing myself to sleep because of how scared i am without them . and then i remember that one time they were over and i started hardcore crying because i was stressed and they were tired . why i cant i just sleep normally?- i dont know, but it sucks

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i am so devastated i asked my partner for a another hoodie like a week ago cause i had to give back their other one i was borrowing and ive had the current one at the edge of my bed since ive been sick and i didnt wanna be all like snotty on it and whatever but like its been like four days now and its just been in my room and now it doesnt really smell like them and now im like sobbing and crying because in this instance i really wanted it for that reason and also i genuinely just needed that for comfort right now and i am so completely devastated and im so fucking sad :CCC

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you guys dont understand how hard it is to sleep when you have sleep paralysis and persistent nightmares i am genuinely shaking and crying because i am scared to go to sleep :C

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hi tumblr i was supposed to sleep 2 hours bc i was really sleepy (i still am) but i cannot sleep :CC

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do you love me, want me, hate me, boy? i don't understand. no, i don't understand. /lyr

will you walk me to the door or send me home crying? /lyr

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i dont even have a reason to be crying i dont have a reason to be hurting myself what am i supposed to say when i need help? oh i just did it because i felt like it- like- thats not a fucking reason why you just want to feel like all that suffering was worth something